Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Site News and Information => Introductions => Topic started by: Ell on April 26, 2007, 05:35:01 PM

Title: I can't breathe
Post by: Ell on April 26, 2007, 05:35:01 PM
Hello. After reading some of the resources on this site, and, not to mention, suffering a lifetime, i guess i am at the point where i am about ready to go and see a TG therapist. i don't know how i'm going to do this, or get through it, but it seems that i cannot not do it, either. So, anyhow...
Title: Re: I can't breathe
Post by: rhonda13000 on April 26, 2007, 05:53:04 PM
Interpret mine as not at all being in the spirit of malice nor confrontation, but might I gently ask what information would you like to be cognizant of?   :)
Title: Re: I can't breathe
Post by: togetherwecan on April 26, 2007, 05:56:16 PM
Ell, welcome to Susan's. Yes there is a lot of information and resources here for you and there is support from staff and members too.
I hope you make some new friends and get some good advice along the way.
Title: Re: I can't breathe
Post by: Sarah Louise on April 26, 2007, 06:10:34 PM
Welcome Ell, I know you can find the information you need here.  Sit back and enjoy yourself.

Sarah L.
Title: Re: I can't breathe
Post by: Barbara Ann on April 26, 2007, 06:26:17 PM
Hi Ell,
Welcome to the group. I'm just starting out too. Hang in there, kiddo! You'll find a lot of support here!
Smiles-
-Barb
Title: Re: I can't breathe
Post by: Ell on April 26, 2007, 06:45:57 PM
Quote from: rhonda13000 on April 26, 2007, 05:53:04 PM
Interpret mine as not at all being in the spirit of malice nor confrontation, but might I gently ask what information would you like to be cognizant of?   :)

i can't think of any questions at all. Ever since i made the decision to proceed, my mind has been in a kind of fog. i'm driving around, listening endlessly to Loreena McKennitt's "The Mask and the Mirror." i'm sorry, i don't have much advice to offer. All i have at the moment is my appointment, next week.
Title: Re: I can't breathe
Post by: cindianna_jones on April 26, 2007, 06:47:40 PM
Welcome Ell!  Don't be afraid or timid. We answer ALL the questions here.  And this is really a nice bunch of people.  I'm proud to call them friends.

Chin up!

Cindi
Title: Re: I can't breathe
Post by: Kate on April 26, 2007, 07:10:56 PM
Quote from: Ell on April 26, 2007, 06:45:57 PM
i'm driving around, listening endlessly to Loreena McKennitt's "The Mask and the Mirror."

Beeeeeautiful music!

Welcome to Susan's! I hope we can help you figure out where you need to be... or at least be there for you if you need someone to lean on ;)

~Kate~
Title: Re: I can't breathe
Post by: HelenW on April 26, 2007, 09:38:55 PM
Hi, Ell, welcome!

Alot of us have been where you are now.  Hang in there, it'll get better.  Read the posts, go to the WIKI for facts - you'll soon figure out enough of this to begin to know enough to ask the questions you need to ask.  Chat is really fun, it can be nice to get one on one interaction that way.

I hope we'll get to know you , and you us, a lot better real soon.

Again, WELCOME! ! :)
helen
Title: Re: I can't breathe
Post by: Ell on April 26, 2007, 10:21:22 PM
Quote from: Kate on April 26, 2007, 07:10:56 PM
Quote from: Ell on April 26, 2007, 06:45:57 PM
i'm driving around, listening endlessly to Loreena McKennitt's "The Mask and the Mirror."
Beeeeeautiful music!

Yeh.  It's right up there with Kate Bush's "Hounds of Love" and Nico's "Chelsea Girl."
Title: Re: I can't breathe
Post by: rhonda13000 on April 27, 2007, 05:01:48 AM
Quote from: Ell on April 26, 2007, 06:45:57 PM
Quote from: rhonda13000 on April 26, 2007, 05:53:04 PM
Interpret mine as not at all being in the spirit of malice nor confrontation, but might I gently ask what information would you like to be cognizant of?   :)

i can't think of any questions at all. Ever since i made the decision to proceed, my mind has been in a kind of fog. i'm driving around, listening endlessly to Loreena McKennitt's "The Mask and the Mirror." i'm sorry, i don't have much advice to offer. All i have at the moment is my appointment, next week.

Eli, help was not sought but [possibly - I am no authority, but many here are] offered.

Welcome.  :)
Title: Re: I can't breathe
Post by: Donna on April 27, 2007, 05:07:31 AM
Hi Ell, ask a little or alot just know that there is greatpeople here and lots of support
Welcome and stick around
Donna
Title: Re: I can't breathe
Post by: Jillieann Rose on April 27, 2007, 05:22:56 AM
Hi Eli,
I glad you have decide to move ahead. And seeing a TG therapist is a very good second step.
After joining Susan's that is. :laugh: Just move forward one small step at a time.
Good to meet you.
Jillieann
Title: Re: I can't breathe
Post by: Lucy on April 27, 2007, 07:31:45 AM
Were here to help Ell, please relax and enjoy your session your doing the right thing, help from a proffeshinal is a good idea.  Hope it all works out for you, enjoy the ride

Luv Lucy
Title: Re: I can't breathe
Post by: tinkerbell on April 27, 2007, 09:55:48 PM
Hello Ell and welcome indeed!

Thank you for your introduction.  As you may already know, there's plenty of valuable information and great people here.  Please take a few moments to get familiar with the site, review the site rules, grab a chair and join our conversation.  Pleased to meet you!  Enjoy your stay at Susan's!

tink :icon_chick:
Title: Re: I can't breathe
Post by: Jillieann Rose on April 27, 2007, 11:44:47 PM
Hi Ell,
I'm doing okay.
How are yo doing now? Has Susan's help you?
Are you begin to accepting yourself?
I fought with myself for a long time before I finally realized I need to willingly allow the part that I keep hiding to not only exist but that I needed to embrace it as me.
Do be honest and as open as possible at you appointment with the therapist.
When do you go Ell?
Hugs
Jillieann

Title: Re: I can't breathe
Post by: Ell on April 28, 2007, 06:30:17 PM
Thanks for the welcome, everybody.

i just got back from my first therapy session. The therapist said i should start growing my hair and maybe buy a wig until it grows out. My God! i'm really a knock-out in my self-image, but the mirror says otherwise, & casting shadows of reality on my dreams.
Title: Re: I can't breathe
Post by: Suzy on April 28, 2007, 09:56:39 PM
Hi, Ell!  Welcome to Susan's

I am kind of skeptical about therapists who are that directive.  I think the best ones help you clarify what you know you need to do.  But I hope it works out for you.

Most of us are knock-outs in our dreams.  But that mirror can be brutal, can't it!   But work on it and I know you will be looking great in no time. 

Best of luck, and welcome!

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fganjataz.com%2F01smileys%2Fimages%2Fsmileys%2FloopyBlonde-blinking.gif&hash=4545ddf8251cf9c32ae6074d56e48bc34a755857)Kristi
Title: Re: I can't breathe
Post by: Jillieann Rose on April 28, 2007, 11:11:31 PM
Ell do you mean your therapists has already deiced you are a TS?
Or what?
Sounds like you have come away from the session with a good attitude. I'm happy for you.
And yes I'm a really knock out too that is until I get in front any mirror, then I just transform into will ... yuck, and double yuck. :o Not good. :embarrassed:
:)
Jillieann
Title: Re: I can't breathe
Post by: Trinity on April 29, 2007, 03:24:06 AM
Quote from: Ell on April 26, 2007, 06:45:57 PM
Quote from: rhonda13000 on April 26, 2007, 05:53:04 PM
Interpret mine as not at all being in the spirit of malice nor confrontation, but might I gently ask what information would you like to be cognizant of?   :)

i can't think of any questions at all. Ever since i made the decision to proceed, my mind has been in a kind of fog. i'm driving around, listening endlessly to Loreena McKennitt's "The Mask and the Mirror." i'm sorry, i don't have much advice to offer. All i have at the moment is my appointment, next week.

You need to play Shania Twain's "I feel like a woman!"  ;)
Title: Re: I can't breathe
Post by: Kate on April 29, 2007, 10:28:03 AM
Quote from: Ell on April 28, 2007, 06:30:17 PM
i just got back from my first therapy session. The therapist said i should start growing my hair and maybe buy a wig until it grows out.

Hmmm... be careful, a therapist really isn't supposed to be telling you what you "should" and shouldn't do - especially after just one session. I do think it's great you know what you want and need to do, but just be sure this therapist is treating you with the depth and seriousness you deserve.

QuoteMy God! i'm really a knock-out in my self-image, but the mirror says otherwise, & casting shadows of reality on my dreams.

<-- Oh don't I know it - in MY mind, I look like her.

In other people's eyes (aka "reality")... not so much ;)

~Kate~
Title: Re: I can't breathe
Post by: Ell on April 29, 2007, 05:50:43 PM
Quote from: Jillieann on April 28, 2007, 11:11:31 PM
Ell do you mean your therapist has already [decided] you are a TS?
Or what?
Jillieann

Well, I won't presume to put words in her mouth, but I think she thinks that I have waited long enough to take a few preliminary steps.
Quote from: Kristi on April 28, 2007, 09:56:39 PM
I am kind of skeptical about therapists who are that directive. 

Well, i didn't know where to start or what to do, and i wanted to have the therapist's guidance every step of the way, so at the end of the session, i asked her "what can i do to get started?" and took out a pen and paper to take notes. As she only gave me a couple of suggestions, as noted, i added a few of my own.
so far i have:
1) shaved
2) decided to let my hair grow out
3) shaved my underarms (it was great!)
4) shaved my legs and bikini area (which was good, 'cause the biknii area can get kinda bodacious)
5) did a full aerobic work-out, with warm-up, stretching and crunches
6) danced (danced!) to Chevelle's "Don't Fake This"


 
Title: Re: I can't breathe
Post by: Kate on April 29, 2007, 07:25:07 PM
Quote from: Ell on April 29, 2007, 05:50:43 PM
Well, I won't presume to put words in her mouth, but I think she thinks that I have waited long enough to take a few preliminary steps.

Towards...?

Did you and your therapist decide to begin a transition?

~Kate~
Title: Re: I can't breathe
Post by: Ell on April 29, 2007, 08:53:34 PM
OK, i'm the one beating around the bush aren't i?

a) yes, i think my therapist does believe i'm TS (i've always thought so)

b) yes, i am taking the first, cautious, tentative steps toward transition 
Title: Re: I can't breathe
Post by: Jillieann Rose on April 29, 2007, 09:38:46 PM
Thank you Ell for answering the question. I to am concerned that you therapist could decide with just one visit that you have GID. Although I understand your relief and the wilingness to proceed are you sure you are TS?
Concered,
Jillieann
Title: Re: I can't breathe
Post by: Ell on April 29, 2007, 10:30:57 PM
Hi Jillieann,

i don't think i will have an official, professional, documented authorization of whether i'm GID or TS or something else, until some future point.

on the other hand, it would've very disappointing for me if my therapist hadn't given me something to work with. My inner girl is just screaming to get out!!!! What did you all come away with after your first visit? Weren't you, also, looking for at least some kind of relief?

i felt that my therapist made me realize just how extremely difficult (and mortifying) this process can be. But also, she called me by my girl name, and that almost made me cry.

Title: Re: I can't breathe
Post by: Kate on April 29, 2007, 10:46:53 PM
Quote from: Ell on April 29, 2007, 10:30:57 PM
But also, she called me by my girl name, and that almost made me cry.

Awl... wonderful, isn't it? When someone recognizes that you actually EXIST?

~Kate~
Title: Re: I can't breathe
Post by: Ell on April 29, 2007, 11:09:25 PM
Quote from: Kate on April 29, 2007, 10:46:53 PM
Awl... wonderful, isn't it? When someone recognizes that you actually EXIST?

~Kate~

Yeah. It was a pretty hard day. But it was sweet.
Title: Re: I can't breathe
Post by: Jillieann Rose on May 01, 2007, 05:22:08 AM
Hi Ell,
In my first session I found someone I could talk to and share my inter-feelings.
He help me realize my feelings were valid and that I was not crazy.
Jillieann
Title: Re: I can't breathe
Post by: Jillieann Rose on May 01, 2007, 09:14:56 PM
Fears are rough task masters if you let them be.
Being honest and open can eliminate many fears.
Do look to the future with anticipation instead of fear.
Hugs,
Jillieann