People who know about my transgender have been calling me by a new name for a couple months now. I really love the name and I am so-o-o grateful to my friends who use it.
But it doesn't feel like me yet.
When someone in my support group refers to something I said, my first reaction is "wasn't it me that said that?" before I realize they ARE referring to me, just by a name I'm not used to. And when I hear one of my friends use the name, I only feel thankful that they're willing to call me by a name that in no way matches my hairy, deep-voiced, male body.
I haven't seen anyone here post about that before. I mostly see posts about how wonderful it feels to be called by the new name ("like music", I remember one person saying) and how much it sucks being called by a obsolete name. (I have gotten to the point where my everyday name sound strange to me too.)
For people who changed their names to match your true gender, did you go through a stage where it didn't feel like yours or where you didn't feel like you deserved it? How long did it last and how did you get past that?
I intentionally picked a name that required only adding extra letters to the end, including "a". But I'm not called by that name, but by the shortened nickname. It's easy with some Italian names. So, yes, it didn't take long.
Quote from: agfrommd on November 21, 2012, 08:13:34 AM
But it doesn't feel like me yet.
...
And when I hear one of my friends use the name, I only feel thankful that they're willing to call me by a name that in no way matches my hairy, deep-voiced, male body.
It does take a while to get used to but here is what I found made the biggest difference to me:
1. Being fulltime. My femme name felt odd when I had to use both my male and female ones. After going fulltime I simply used my femme name 24/7 and now my old name is the weird one.
2. Being me. When I was a 'hairy, deep-voiced male' I was never comfortable with a female name. Being visibly female changed that.
I've been using my new name for 18 months. It's a good name and I think it suits me well. The first couple months were the hardest, and even I would start signing my old name sometimes or would hesitate before introducing myself. That never happens now.
But still, after having my old name for 35 years I am still getting used to my new name even though I've had it for 18 months now. Occasionally I will dream that I introduce myself as my old name by accident and then am really embarrassed - but that hasn't happened in real life since I first went full time.
So in my case I guess I'm still not completely used to my new name as much as I was my birth name, but over time you get more and more used to it. When someone calls my new name it perks me up and I respond to it normally now. But admittedly, if someone is calling my old name (calling someone else) I still perk up and wonder if they are calling me... So I guess my old name will always be there and be some part of me even if I don't use it except in a dream.
I was used to it the day I found it. Middle name, too. It was my last name that took some time to get used to...like a month or two. (Yes, I changed all 3).
My former name, otoh, took a couple of months to get used to not using it. I accidentally called myself by my old name a few times, to which I laughed and said, "Excuse me!" I knew people may forget my new name, and that they were concerned about embarassing me (they'd told me so)...so I did with my own errors the same with them, and I think it may have helped with reducing their anxiety.
It is a process to de-program yourself to change things like a name...
Growing up I got used to being called Michelle by teasing boys who thought it was funny to call a boy by the female version of there birth name....little did they know that I absolutely loved being called by the name I really preferred :)
And as I got older, even as an adult, grown men co workers would still tease and call me Michelle.....go figure ;)
Never could get my parents to do it though. Always hated that
That's so funny, I was thinking about this yesterday... It has taken me years to find the right name; seriously I really struggled with it. But when I found it, it was like it was ALWAYS my name. I have turned whenb I have heard people yell it out at the mall. And then there's Christmas time... Peace, Holly
Not long I got used to my name straight away although for around 18 months I was living in role at nights and weekends and signed the wrong name at least once that I can remember
Quote from: big kim on November 21, 2012, 12:01:34 PM
Not long I got used to my name straight away although for around 18 months I was living in role at nights and weekends and signed the wrong name at least once that I can remember
My not so good penmanship can make "Michael" look like "Michelle" quite easily....its my little fun secret :)
So, I've been using my fem name more and more, and asking folks in the "circle of trust" to use it as well. I still have this, "No crap, that's me!" reaction. Feels wonderful.
And I struggled with choosing my name for a while. Actually, I had the same name in mind the whole time, but it was the name of an ex, so that seemed weird. That is, until I realized that it didn't matter. The name I chose fits me well, isn't some strange combination of unpronounceable letters, and isn't the same as some teenage pop star.
Anyhoo, yes, I'm certainly not "used to" my new name, but that's okay. If everyone else gets to screw up every once in a while with it, I have to give myself the same break.
I dunno, I guess, I'm fluid . I began getting used to my name maybe six weeks into the process.............. ellen
Actually even though my name is androgynous and I used it earlier in my life, I found it a little bit hard. It is not really that different than my given name either. I wondered about being a bit young for me and so on. At first I even looked around a bit, oh they are talking to me. Now I do that with my given name actually.
--Jay J
I change mine in 2008. And even now sometimes I almost sign my old name. Getting use to it only took a couple of months, but I have a friend who has know for years. She began calling me "Janet" after we both moved into the same park.
It took me about 11 seconds to be used to my new name, and ready to start using it instead of my "old" name. But I cheated.
I had gone by Madeline for many years in my inner life when I was growing up, until trauma made me forget my childhood and my gender identity for 27 years or so. When my memories of my inner life came back, the day came that I suddenly remembered my real name.
Hahahaha, awesome question! I had my name legally changed two weeks before I had surgery and went full time. I swear for like 6-8 months if someone called my old boy name, I'd turn around (strangers). I once even wrote a WORK (!!!) email to someone I knew (new company post-transition) and signed my boy name. I deleted before they read but I was HORRRIFIED!!! lol, craziness. Now, it's me, I don't feel connected to my old boy name. The two names are nothing alike. Don't feel bad ag, you'll grow into it. I think once you go full time and that's the only name people know you by it'll be more comfortable :) Meghan
Hi,
After 65 years i dought it, its my birth name of noel. all we with help put the name in a more female mode = noeleena. though noel or no-el is female & male, my 2nd name of edward is edwina,
i allso have two other names as well though male , manfried that should have been spelt mannfried as in german then Von Reutchthos , that is Prussian, last name is Loch-head,
What i tell people is noel shows my maleness & noeleena shows my femaleness, so im covered.
...noeleena...
How's about this: I never, ever, managed to get used to my birth name. Has anyone else experienced that?
My birth name is extremely female and it has no male equivalent. Because I've never accepted my birth name as being part of me, I didn't just want to go from 'Jane' to 'John' - I wanted something completely different.
Then I remembered a conversation I'd had with my mother as a young child when I was first insisting that I'm a boy. She said that during her pregnancy with me she'd thought I would be born a boy, so my parents had picked out a boy's name for me. They had to discard that name when I was born female-bodied... but they had originally intended to name me after my grandfathers.
So that's the name I picked. It seemed to go some way towards putting right what went wrong when I was born. I'm still not used to it, but I think that's because I'm not used to any name and it's taking me a while to feel more comfortable.
I described this in a bit more detail a few weeks ago: http://ftmdiaries.blogspot.co.uk/2012/11/a-boy-named-sue.html (http://ftmdiaries.blogspot.co.uk/2012/11/a-boy-named-sue.html)
Usually, I'm fine when I'm called Paige and I definatly prefer it. Overall, I got used to it pretty quickly but things like my cousin sending me his first text by starting it with "Paige," does shock me from time to time. It reminds me of how far I've come, and how far I've to go.
I do look forward to changing my name though. The sooner I put my male name to bed the better. I never liked it, even before I realized I was trans.
I went through a lot of names before I found Paige. I don't know why, but I feel like I own it. With that said, I guess you could say I never got used to my male name.
Quote from: FTMDiaries on November 22, 2012, 07:29:59 AM
How's about this: I never, ever, managed to get used to my birth name. Has anyone else experienced that?
Yep me totally, I always absolutely hated my birth name, I desperately tried to get people to use a nickname all throughout my life before I realised I was trans. Not that many people went for it, I would cringe every time somebody said my name. Hell I still cringe now when somebody says it, even when they're referring to somebody else xD There was a very obvious male version I could have switched to but I wanted something completely different to get away from it.
That's not to say I got used to my new name immediately though, in early transition especially I felt wierd and happy at the same time when people used it. It was a similar feeling that I get from wearing a pair of jeans that make me look awesome...while at the same time being too tight and uncomfortable :P
I'm definitely 100% used to it now. A couple of months ago a letter in my old name came for me from my old phone company trying to tempt me to sign back up and I was utterly confused about why I was getting a letter for some random woman for a good couple of seconds before I realised it was me :D
I had my name changed legally in 2002. I spent the previous two years going through a ton of boy names. I worked at different places as Sebastian...other places as Matthew, lol. I had a harder time finding a name that fitted me more than anything.
I finally wrote a list of names I liked and showed my mom. She liked Simon so that was that. Now I'm thankful she didn't pick Aiden or Kaiden (they were on the list). If you had a group of transguys lined up and threw a rock at them there would be a 50/50 chance you'd hit an Aiden or Kaiden, lol.
Oddly, in my situation I didn't have an issue with writing my birth name (I loathe that name) but I did have problems remembering who I was as far as boy names were concerned. Am I Sebastian, Matt, Logan, or Simon...crap, lol. :laugh:
Quote from: agfrommd on November 21, 2012, 08:13:34 AM
People who know about my transgender have been calling me by a new name for a couple months now. I really love the name and I am so-o-o grateful to my friends who use it.
But it doesn't feel like me yet.
When someone in my support group refers to something I said, my first reaction is "wasn't it me that said that?" before I realize they ARE referring to me, just by a name I'm not used to. And when I hear one of my friends use the name, I only feel thankful that they're willing to call me by a name that in no way matches my hairy, deep-voiced, male body.
I haven't seen anyone here post about that before. I mostly see posts about how wonderful it feels to be called by the new name ("like music", I remember one person saying) and how much it sucks being called by a obsolete name. (I have gotten to the point where my everyday name sound strange to me too.)
For people who changed their names to match your true gender, did you go through a stage where it didn't feel like yours or where you didn't feel like you deserved it? How long did it last and how did you get past that?
I know exactly wat u mean i lovr my birthnmae its very femme n beautiful so i feel ba my fam gave me sucha beautiful name but it kinda always felt weir hearin it...even w my sai name ayden or aj. it feels rite but to a point it feels weir n awkwardd at times hearn myself bein call it n ive ben call it the past 6 yrs. may have somthn to do w the fact i have rown up my whole life hearn my birthname n now bein refered by a duiff name it fels weird.
I have always liked the name 'Genevieve" for as long I can remember. When I came out it was simple to be called Genevieve. I shortened it to Gennee (pronounced Jenny) because there are other ladies here with the same name.
:)
Not long at all. When I first decided to change my name I made a big list of name I like the meaning and sound of, and that I recognised when I looked in the mirror. The name I chose was definitely the one that felt most familiar and I've never really felt awkward about it, except maybe the very first time I ever introduced myself with it. But after that icebreaker everything felt totally natural and still does 8) My birth name felt like a stranger to me very soon afterwards, and it kind of trips me out when I hear it.
QuoteHow's about this: I never, ever, managed to get used to my birth name. Has anyone else experienced that?
Yup. One of the only memories I have from when I was a small child is this very strong feeling that my name didn't belong to me. It wierded me out when people called me it. Still does. But when you slap an "n" on the end of my birth name it's a male name, and suddenly it's totally me! So I don't fully recognise that someone saying S___a is addressing me, but when they say S____n it clicks.
And when I was a kid I used to really hate my middle name, but liked it with the "e" taken off the end that makes it a boy's name. I didn't kniow then that my first name had a male variant. Kudos to my parents for picking such easily alterable names!
I don't really use my male name, I always use a nickname, and that's the one I'm finding hard to change.
I ran a bunch of names by friends and threw out the ones they really couldn't get used to. I really liked Austin, but it was a huge stretch for them (and for me too actually). Then, I found Deven and it worked. I had started a new part time job at a place that a close friend was working at so she introduced me as Deven and really stuck with only calling me that. There was actually a girl there with my old name and so sometimes I'd accidentally respond and realized it wasn't meant for me. I played it off like I couldn't hear over the noise and make out who they were talking to. The fact that none of the staff knew my old name really helped. It was pretty immediate that I realized this is now me. Took others on average about a month to get it down. I understand it takes time for them to adjust so I just gently corrected them.
I do struggle a lot with my new name. It's not because I don't like it but I don't feel it's me yet. I feel like all of my identity is attached to my birth name if you understand what I mean. Like if you hear your friends name you will instantly be able to envision what makes that person who they are. I don't feel like my identity and who I am as a person has transferred over on to my new name.
When people from before I came out as male talk to me they still refer to me by my birth name and when they do try and call me by my new name I sometimes feel awkward because it doesn't feel right to hear them call me that. However people who I met after I came out as male, hearing them call me by my new name feels perfectly natural.
I do still struggle a little because I still don't feel my new name really sums me up whereas hearing my old name I can picture everything about myself.
I'm not sure if any of that made sense but that's my take on it.
I lie the name 'Genevieve' long before I knew I was trans. When I made that discovery years later, the name I picked was a no brainer.
:)
I am a Michelle, also. Having been an elementary teacher and knowing that ch can be pronounced /k/, /ch/, or /sh/. Also other cis gendered girls have used Michael as a girl's name. I have been accepting my female name as Michael pronounced as Mikel, Mishelle, both as female names. I knew a cis gendered lady named Mike. So now in creating alias I am identifying my self as, Michael, Mychelle, Myshelle, Myche, Mike. Mysh, Michelle, so that all of these names are associated with me. The spelling Michael is staying on my legal documents for now. Later when I start taking hormones and exploring the possibility of surgery, I might feel differently. Being 66, my most important goal is keeping my health no matter what I do. Long lingering bed ridden deaths seems to be traditional in my family. Emotionally I am determined to avoid this.
It took me awhile to get used to the first name I picked. Now I'm having a hard time picking up the new name and unlearning the old new name. Everytime I correct myself, I can't help but think of the line from The Matrix where Agent Smith says, "Mr. Anderson!" and Neo responds, "My NAME is NEO!". It's like an awakening.
I just evaded the problem by choosing a name close to male name when shortened but is still obviously female.
While my full name is masculine (Alexandre), it's rarely used by my friend and family who just call me Alex. I liked the name, but I wanted something more feminine and a little more creative than Alexandra. So, I cut it down to Alex, I added "ia" at the end and found myself satisfied by the sound of it.
Even if I'm not out to most of them, when I'll tell them, It will mostly be a matter of pronouns and I won't be super destabilized.
At first I thought I was being potentially too clever for my own good, but I have to admit, a part of me, ME that is not him, does indeed like being called by the female variation of my name.
It seemed like a potentially bad idea to take Leslie Robert and make it Lesley Roberta, but, I have grown to think it was the brightest move I could have made. Yes, it is my name, and I think picking something entirely knew would be a slight to my parents, as well as just 'trying too hard' as well.
I do also like inwardly laughing at those that think they have been bugging me calling me in a feminine fashion. Ahhh sorry mac, but that IS my name, so actually using it is not going to accomplish your goal of bothering me. Saying my name in an overtly sexy fashion, it won't hurt my ears, but, it miiiiight make you look a tad homosexual to our mutual male friends, you might want to consider that.
But sadly, annoyingly too, it seems my friends all use the shortened version Les, which is neither me nor him. Oh well.
I am just now waiting on a matter of officially recognized ID being sent back to me (doing that right before holidays, I can't expect any sort of speed of course). But the second it arrives, Leslie Robert is then going and starting the ball rolling to get THAT name legally changed to mine. They might fail to remember to use she her and miss when addressing me, but at least I will be able to enjoy my name actually being Lesley Roberta on documents. I can suffer having to write male in the gender portion of a form for my other half's sake I suppose. I am not so crazy to think society is ready to call me a girl with this damned thing between my legs.
I just finally switched mine to something more appropriate. I can't find myself on the forums anymore. I guess Karen was very well ingrained in my head. Everytime I refer to myself I think I'm Karen err Emily. Luckily I only have to convince myself and my therapist and not everybody else I know.
Well i am still trying to get used to ashley.
I think I'd get used to my name faster if people would use it more often instead of just on here or Facebook where ppl dont know my girl name.... Sigh
The other day, my friend used my female middle name in conversation on the phone.
I must say, I loved it. I am fairly sure he wasn't saying it to make me happy though :)
I was discussing a new bag I had bought. Bought it at a luggage store (Bentley's). It IS luggage, but, it is hardly capable of being mistaken as luggage at the size it is, although it looks kinda camera bag like (zillions of pockets and enclosures).
I had mentioned I had bought a new 'bag', he corrected me 'no Roberta, you bought a purse'.
He never uses my middle name in conversation, so it was clear he wanted me ears to not mistake the intent. Because my first name is generally Les which is neither Leslie or Lesley in any meaningful way.
I like the name though, but sadly, the shortened version does admittedly mean most don't need to make the transition and thus never make much of a disconnect from calling me Leslie in favour of using Lesley.
I am using Jay sometimes instead of initials. Not sure how much I even like it as it sounds a lot like my old name, which also is good because I can just think they called me "Jay" even if they didn't. It isn't exactly rolling off my tongue. I also go by my initials too.
BTW, I had a situation where my initials would work better. I am pre-T and don't sound at all male on the phone (or in real life so much). Anyway I said "this is Jay", but when they called back they couldn't get this. They ended up looking at caller ID, I suppose. My initials might have worked better.
--Jay
Quote2. Being me. When I was a 'hairy, deep-voiced male' I was never comfortable with a female name. Being visibly female changed that.
Same here, but in reverse. When I became a hairy deep voiced male on the outside, the new name was a better fit.
It was awkward to have a new name while still looking the same, and I wondered if my friends were really seeing me or just being kind by going along with it.
I never got used to my original name and I'm not quite used to my new name. I've always been more comfortable when names aren't used. Hey man. Dude, come here. Hi guys. Hello people. Anybody want this? I do. Etc.
But then again I've always been more comfortable with Felix than with any nicknames I've ever used. I guess that's nice.
I used to go by Polly when I was little but decided on Bree as an adult. Bree Anne as a variation of Bryan. I had my name legally changed last year and still have people I've known call me by my old name. I guess it takes time. Changing my name cost me over $400 and a day in court plus the costs of a new license and birth certificate, but it was well worth it! I feel much happier as Bree :)
Ive been using my name for a full year now and i havent looked back. 'Sarah' doesnt exist anymore. Everyone calls me shayne or shay and its gotten comfortable. My mum sometimes makes a mistake but is always sorry. Lol shes abit dippy at times bless her. Even my 3 yr old nephew calls me uncle shay. It was his burthday other day and went to see him and he declared to all that. Him and me have willyz and my partner had a frontbotom. It was HILARIOUS...but, he identifys me as male. Which is awesome cause 1st 2 years i was auntie sarah.. Woop woop! So yeah.. My true name has stuck and is here to stay for good! :D
I never had any issue getting used to my new name.. However, I still react to my old name - even when it's not being used in reference to me..
I'm still in guy mode but I'm introducing myself to everyone new as Sage (it's gender neutral). It's only been a few days but I'm starting to get used to it and I get a thrill every time I hear it!
Likewise, I'm still in guy-ish mode, but I feel much more comfortable with my new name, and have an extremely difficult introducing myself or filling out paperwork with my old name.
hmmm. I had a name all picked out since childhood. Who I really was inside. Lisa Anne _____. the blank being the name I adopted from my husband. about 5 years ago I thought, "No I have the perfect name!" four months later I was in front of a judge getting my name legalized. I love my name, it suits me well, I think. It didn't take me long to begin correcting pronouns and names. especially with Mom. Almost 5 years later, she still uses 'he', 'him' and the old name. If I don't say something it goes completely unnoticed. I know she tries, but I think she is just stuck in a world of her own making.
Quote from: Alexia on January 10, 2013, 07:56:44 AM
While my full name is masculine (Alexandre), it's rarely used by my friend and family who just call me Alex. I liked the name, but I wanted something more feminine and a little more creative than Alexandra. So, I cut it down to Alex, I added "ia" at the end and found myself satisfied by the sound of it.
lol exactly my case! my male name is Alexandre and I'm switching it to Alexandra. I was called Alex before, I like the name, I keep it. I'm lucky it works with both genders, if i was called Ramón, I would of course change it xD
Quote from: shayne on January 10, 2013, 02:08:34 AM
Ive been using my name for a full year now and i havent looked back. 'Sarah' doesnt exist anymore. Everyone calls me shayne or shay and its gotten comfortable. My mum sometimes makes a mistake but is always sorry. Lol shes abit dippy at times bless her. Even my 3 yr old nephew calls me uncle shay. It was his burthday other day and went to see him and he declared to all that. Him and me have willyz and my partner had a frontbotom. It was HILARIOUS...but, he identifys me as male. Which is awesome cause 1st 2 years i was auntie sarah.. Woop woop! So yeah.. My true name has stuck and is here to stay for good! :D
This made me lol. Little kids are great. :laugh:
Thanks for the question and thoughtful answers. I spoke on the phone with my big sister today and we recalled when she gave me my girls name. About age 3 she declared I was a girl and would be her sister as there were too many bio boys in that big catholic family. I repressed memory of that name until a month or so ago which coincides with finally accepting being transgendered. I am learning to feel, see and live as Tessa. Oh what a ride :laugh:
Ehh, still working on it. The thing is I'm more out as a guy who looks/dresses like a chick rather than someone who is trans. So people call me by my given name (which is actually unisex) more often than not. The only people who call me Lydia are the few friends I'm completely out to. But that could change per the preference to anyone who knows me. At this point, still being early in HRT and not fully living as a woman, I don't care as much. I usually introduce myself with my given name and let it go from there. I respond to it as much as Lydia, however I must say it's nice to be called Lydia. Reinforces the whole thing I guess, puts me in the mindset.
Update: I'm seeing the difficulty in having the name Paige while working at a job that talks about "this web page" a lot. Ears perk up all the time!
But I do respond to it easily enough and always happily!