.
My stepmother's a bodybuilder, easily tougher than any man I've ever met except maybe my father, but she is still feminine and doesn't get grief for it. There is hope. It might not be everything you dreamed of, but what ever is?
I need to move to wherever you are. I could deal with $330.
Not all gg's have wide hips. Take a look at Cameron Diaz in There's Something About Mary, or Michele Pfeiffer in Scarface. I just watched both of them yesterday, so they're fresh in my mind.
Is there a trade you could learn at home that would help you earn more money and doesn't cause you grief? I'm in programming and there are a ton of jobs where I'm at in Java and web development. You don't have to spend a dime other than the cost of internet to learn them. There are very good free tools for it and a lot of jobs might say they want a degree, but if you can prove experience, like by bringing sample code with you, it works just as well.
We all have things we don't like about our bodies, but we have to learn to accept ourselves, faults and all, before we can expect others to.
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Quote from: muuu on December 10, 2012, 10:57:39 AM
To be happy you need to have certain things... Be able to express yourself as who you are, not creating another shell to hide behind.
::)
You don't have to look a certain way in order to express yourself. You seem to want to be the ideal beautiful woman, and honey, most cis women aren't that. Again, almost everybody hates something about ourselves, yet billions of people walk out into the world and do their own thing daily. I hate my nose but it doesn't stop me from going out into the world.
The self pity is only going to work against you. It seems to me that you only get on here to complain about yourself to get attention, and to be perfectly honest at times it comes off as if you're insulting us all. Most of us on this site don't have perfect hips. Most of us on this site don't have a perfectly passable face. Most of us on this site don't have narrow shoulders, rib cage, etc. Are you saying we shouldn't be happy with ourselves? Are you saying what we do is pointless because people will not think of us as females just because some, if not all aspects of us aren't perfect? Cuz I tell you, I transitioned because I want people to see me as female, and if they aren't... wow that's a bummer!
Honey, check out the "How You Know You Pass" thread in the RLE section of this forum ( https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,117457.0.html (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,117457.0.html) ). I bet many of those girls (myself included) don't fit your description of passing that you put on "yourself". You know what? My rib cage is pretty large, my hips aren't that much wider than my waist, my jaw looks funky from certain angles, my nose is big, I have a butt chin, I have fat fingers, etc ... but I HAVE passed in front of even transsexuals, while hanging around OTHER transsexuals! Stop beating the crap out of yourself, and pretty much everyone else in here along with you by saying it's hopeless and you'll never be happy because you don't look "real" or whatever.
I know this falls on deaf ears, but get some help already. You're bringing me down and I'm willing to bet I'm not the only one!
I'd also like to add: I dare you to post a photo of your face and body. I'm willing to bet if you did everyone else on here would want to egg you for being so hard on yourself, and vicariously insulting many of us who probably aren't as "passable" as you.
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Most of us, transgenders can not look like Ken or Barbi. Nor should we want to, even though Ken is a perfectly formed transgender male just as he is. For a transgender female is all about becoming a female and not male. In reality if we have a poor self image of our male body, we will still have a poor self image of our female body. The happiness comes from not being male.
Danny De Vito and Rita Pearlman are two very successful people who seem to be happy with their self image, at least from my million miles away vantage point, and in appearance are as far from Ken and Barbi as you can be.
Your financial ability to pay for your changes are available to you now, they may not always be there. What is it that you really want to do? If you decide on surgery and hormones you do have some choices that you can make in your self image. The rest will take hard work and make up. But we all become older and good looks become a thing of the past, so finding the positive about ourselves and self acceptance are the biggest gifts we can give to ourselves.
You're probably exaggerating, as always. MOST transsexuals, including the 40+ ones, will pass after a while on HRT. Some need FFS, but most don't.
I can't be stating facts because I haven't seen you, but you have a really low chance of needing FFS to pass, at your age. And your chances of not passing despite FFS are... negligible.
So unless you're the most unlucky person on Earth, I doubt it. You will look like a woman. And you will grow to like, or at least tolerate, what you see in the mirror. The only three conditions are to eat properly, to see a therapist and to keep on with HRT.
And besides, I don't know about you, but even if I was going to end up ugly, unpassable, masculine... I'd still prefer to be "that ->-bleeped-<-" over being "that guy". And you're overestimating how mean people are.
Look, for a while now, I've been a weird, airhead, always late, confused, androgynous being. Seriously. People gender me male or female at pretty much a 50 % rate. And people talk to me. And no one ridiculed me. And I'm not exactly beautiful. Actually, the only two people who've complimented me on my looks were in love with me. Love which, of course, began over the Internet, before they could see me.
They think I'm weird, and I'm not exactly everyone's best friend, but I get along with most people, and they even spontaneously come to me for help with homework, sometimes.
So far, I think it's happened twice that people laughed in my back, or discussed my gender. Twice, in over a year. And I'm not even trying to transition right now. My HRT dose right now is pretty much equivalent to nothing, and I'm still wearing half guys' clothes (and my girl's clothes could actually very well be guys', actually).
Seriously. Whether you like what you see in the mirror is partly questionable, since you're so self-hateful and delusional. But that's up to good will and therapy. But whether you pass as a woman... Unless you show me a picture to prove your point, I'll be considering that as highly likely; quasi-certain with surgery.
Listen, you won't know anything until you actually go through anything, so just hold off on all of the self-deprecation. You are lucky to have your finances covered, at least. Please relax; if there's one thing I can't stand, it's someone harshing my mellow. I'm sure you'll be a beautiful lady; there is always at least on thing that is beautiful about any lady.
Cool down, girl.
Okay Muuu. Uhm yeah I just looked at your pictures on page 7 and I hate to break it to you but...I can now say with certainty your doubts are totally in your head. You will have absolutely no problems passing as far as looks go, you are at a great starting point and you haven't even given the hormones time to do their work. Trust me I am not blowing sunshine here you look great and will pass. This is a total lack of self confidence on your part.
Quote from: Sadie on December 10, 2012, 07:38:36 PM
Okay Muuu. Uhm yeah I just looked at your pictures on page 7 and I hate to break it to you but...I can now say with certainty your doubts are totally in your head. You will have absolutely no problems passing as far as looks go, you are at a great starting point and you haven't even given the hormones time to do their work. Trust me I am not blowing sunshine here you look great and will pass. This is a total lack of self confidence on your part.
I did the same and I agree. Let hormones work for more than 3 months before hyperreacting to something that isn't there. I don't just say stuff to make people feel better either and I normally don't even comment on whether people pass or may pass on this forum.
This is the last time I'm posting anything related to this about you. Take it for what it's worth.
I think we all have times of doubt. Try to chill out, it's early days.
Quote from: muuu on December 10, 2012, 06:23:09 AM
1.) Why am I even trying to transition, it's just pointless.
2.) I hate looking like a man, I hate it and I can't stand it. I hate myself for looking like this, and I don't want to stop hating myself for it... Because I need a "normal" female life to be ever happy, without compromises.
3.) there's no hope, nothing will change, I will remain as this huge disgusting man.
4.) So why can't I just be strong enough to end it all
Clever screen name, Mu. Negativity. Here goes:
Okay....even though this is a vent post, I'll comment. Number 1.) If you can live without committing suicide, or obsessing constantly, making your life a mess, then my advice is to not transition, stay ouot of ts chats, and get on with your life.
2.) "I need a "normal" female life to be ever happy, without compromises" tells me Number 1.) is not an option?
3.) You WILL change on hrt, no matter what.......which is a very important note, because if after enouogh hrt you decide to live as a man, you will be a ridiculous looking man. That's for you, me.....all of us.
4.) I know you mean it a different way, but so many of us DO, tragically, end it all.
So....most human skeletons are remarkably alike in many respects. You would be surprised what you would look like if you were close to an appropriate bmi. I happen to have some ts friends, who have very large hands.....very large feminine hands. Work with what you have been dealt.
Finally, this is the hardest bitch of a thing a 'man' has to do with 'his' life. It's a crazy, one-way roller coaster. If you ride, then enjoy as much of the wild ride as you can.
I read that you'd posted a picture, so I looked through your post history and found them.
After having seen those pictures, my reaction to you not thinking you will ever look satisfactory can be nothing but the following:
LOL.
No, seriously. Cognitive distortions. You're taking small things and making them huge. Like a deforming mirror. And trust me, even in my girlfriend I was able to go scratching for little details... for a while, before the pink-coloured glasses kicked in.
Anyway, scratching, scratching, scratching, everything I can scratch out doesn't even make up a mound that HRT would have trouble blowing away.
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QuoteNote 4: If I was a guy, I wouldn't look disgusting, I do look ok as a guy I suppose... But I hope you get my point...
Before starting transition I had the same thought. Then I realized that I prefer to be an ugly woman rather than something I'm not.
And remember, we are our own worst critic.
Quote from: muuu on December 10, 2012, 06:23:09 AM
Why am I even trying to transition, it's just pointless.
...
Note 5: And yes, this is just a 'vent' post.
You have too much free time on your hands. Too much time to sit around and find fault with yourself / dwell on your fears. You need to find something to take up your time like a job. Being on disability and not having a job probably adds to your feelings of hopelessness because you are dependent / rely on others and limited to what you can get from them instead of being independent and having more options, instead of being able to set and work on goals.
Life is a thing. Some people work for the day when they can live, they sweat and sacrifice, looking forward to when they will have a life. You have to live in the here and now in order to be alive. It is a delicate balance. Working towards your goals can give you a sense of direction and fill time that would otherwise be spent uselessly imagining limitations and fears. Life is pain and life is uncertain. You have to find joy in the moment, maybe not every moment but I think you know what I mean.
You can feed your fears, you can let your fears rob you of your hope. You can depend upon others and feel like a victim. Life can be scary and uncertain. You can hide from your fears and never do anything or you can know the exhilaration / freedom of overcoming your fears. In my own experience transition seemed most scary when I was avoiding it. The rest of the time it was a blast! I feel like I should remove everything I said except that last bit of truth so you don't miss it. But instead I will copy and past it in red.
In my own experience transition seemed most scary when I was avoiding it. The rest of the time it was a blast!
The most successful people I have ever known weren't very amazing or even very interesting. They simply did what would lead them to success. They could have let their fears overcome them. They could have focused on the futility of it all... except they weren't that smart. They weren't smart enough to psychologically sabotage themselves like that. No... instead they just worked on getting there. They lived their lives and each day they were another day closer to their goals. The lived in the meantime.
They weren't smart like us. They didn't get up in their heads and fret about all the uncertainty. They were like clock work, tick tick tick... working towards their goals. Not so cleaver as your or me. It always amazes me how soon they were able to accomplish their goals. Chop wood, carry water... They seemed so unimaginative, so shallow and yet they are living their dreams. And here am I, in awe. Wishing I had done the same. Wishing I hadn't spent so much time worrying and being a prisoner of my fears. And yet I managed to transition anyway.
What about you, it looks like you at least have a 16 year head-start on me and from the looks of things it will be a lot easier for you to pass. Did you remember to feed your fears today?
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I know I said I wouldn't post again on this matter... but after looking in the mirror so I could see what I look like in a particular shirt without a bra... it kinda dawned on me that breast growth works to counteract the visual effects of a large rib cage. I figured I'd throw that out there, but I'm sure you'll shoot it down somehow...
and in doing so probably make me feel worse about myself too.
You know, uhm.
Female with male face = whoa, that guy has a girly butt. Wait, what?
Female with male body (assuming there are breasts at least) = Poor girl, she has no curves at all.
If the face is okay, and the body has the most basic sign of feminity (breasts), you get gendered female. The face is very important compared to the body.
Besides, women gain weight in the hips, butt, thighs and breasts. Gain weight while your fat deposit pattern (=hormone level) is female and your hips will increase. Increase the hips, butt, thighs and breasts, each by even just a small bit, and you'll see great improvement. Add flattering clothes and bingo, your body looks female.
And you can't shoot that down. You're only 2.5 months into HRT, and haven't even tried gaining more weight than the minimum necessary to put you in the very lowest slice of the healthy weight range. You're terribly underestimating the effects of HRT combined with a little more fat in the right places. And the fat -will- go to the right places. Women who have a lot of fat in the belly, according to me, either gained it so unhealthily, so fast, that it just wasn't given a chance to go where it was supposed to, either have not-so-female hormone levels. But look, your hormone levels are being artificially put in the right range. If you gain the weight gradually and your hormone levels are securely held at totally female levels, your fat -will- go to normal female places. I'm almost sure of that.
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How? If you gain weight and it doesn't go where you'd hoped, you can just lose it again.
And uhm, I doubt your body is able to store fat THAT fast. Even if you ate pizza, cake and fries like a pig. Fluctuating 2-4 lbs every few days means that either you get dehydrated and lose a lot of weight in water, either you don't weigh yourself properly (set the scale to 0, be naked and weigh yourself in the same situation daily, ideally in the morning, before eating or drinking anything, and after going to the washroom).
And yes, your body needs a bit of time to transfer fat. But you... barely have any. As for "adjusting and telling itself where to store the fat", maybe you're right; maybe there's a delay. But I don't know, and it can't be -that- long. Ask the people on real HRT (not me >_>) how long it took for them to really start seeing the fat go in the right places. Besides, it's much longer to transfer fat (which implies burning it then gaining it again) than just gaining it.
Finally, if you manage to reduce your obsessive thoughts, yes, you will feel better. For most people, this happens on its own, but with you, it'll also take you working on your cognitive distorsions that make you unable to see things as they are. The sum of all the little improvements everywhere will make you feel much better about yourself. Even if your hips stay boyish (and seriously they should at least improve a little), you'll look at your body and go "hey, I really do look like a girl now!"
Well, transition can be "hopeless" from time to time. It's not easy being over six feet tall, or having size 11+ feet, or having a voice like James Earl Jones, and etcetera. But... unless you have any of those spectacularly masculine features, flawlessly passing is always a possibility - and even if you did have some really masculine feature, passing would still probably be feasible... though, not everyone can blend in 100%.
I'm going to assume that you're within pretty average sizes and ranges here. If so, then you probably have nothing to worry about... I mean, you're three months or so into HRT, so you've barely even started. Patience isn't really my thing, so I get why you are freaking out, but do keep in mind that it's around the one-year mark that things are typically most exciting. Things might not work out, but this risk is probably worthwhile, given how badly you want to transition well.
So, all you can really do is just have at it and hope for the best. Maintaining a healthy weight will optimize the results you see from hormones, and there are methods and procedures for taking care of most other things. There are many things that can't be taken care of, though, and you'll have to learn to accept them. Having spent many years fighting against reality myself (and this is a continuing battle), I know pretty well how stupid and pointless trying to change the rules of the universe with your mind is.
You've got pretty much everything going for you, with the exception being the stuff inside your skull. You're playing against yourself, and that's your biggest obstacle right now - so, you might need some therapy, some emotional release, and maybe a little time to just get everything off your chest and scream. When your head is clear, you will be perfectly fine.
... You've almost inspired me to make my own "hopeless" thread, but I know I need emotional release, so I suppose it wouldn't help much. :p I just need to make some hell, I suppose.
Have fun.
It's going to take time. 2-3 months is not nearly enough time. It took me about a year before I would calm down and realize that things were actually going to be okay. Meanwhile I was freaking out almost on a daily basis. Some days were my spirit was high but most of the time it was a giant leap of faith. Often I felt like the idiot strapping feathers to their arms and flapping them vigorously hoping to achieve lift off. Transition is a tough business. You're just going to have to believe that it will be okay in the end even if it seems hopeless right now.
Oh, and get off your butt and get out there and participate in life. Probably the most important aspect of my transition was my high intensity job. It's all about conditioning and hardening.
In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man will poke out his eye to fit in.
why are you trying? because you can't stop thinking about it... and you won't be able to... probably ever. so wht do you do aboot it? take things one day at a time. meditate, explore your mind (in my opinion), find patience. do anything to take your mind off it. write an abstract story about how you feel. make youtubes?
its not easy. somedays you wil get tired of hating yourself and on those days ~ paint a picture, learn how to make music (i like ableton live), get into photography... just do something besides "think about it" and when you start feeling sad... look/listen/read to what you made and feel proud that you have the ability to "create" :) take these emotions and turn then into a creative force.
i had the same problem, still do on certain days... its kinda like a ->-bleeped-<-PMS now LOL happens once a month!
Though I am sure my story will have no impact on your thoughts since you are in the self regenerating negative death spiral about yourself, I'll give it a go. I am a pro with lost causes, like myself
- I am 6ft tall and had been about the tallest in my HS besides the largest
- I started hs at like 5'9" and 150+. By the time I got out 6' and a 250lbs of pure rolly-polly blubber
- I started hs with a receeding hairline and its been way downhill since
- I have a big rib cage, frog hands and super extra large feet
- Whenever I look in the mirror all I used to see is that big fat four eyed stutering mouth breathing fatso
- And I can go on, if I let myself
- Oh... did I mention I knew I was trans since about the age of 4?
I had no aspiration of ever being supermodel material or even anything close to that. I tried experimenting with transitioning twice in my 20's. Both times calling it off between my desire to be "normal" and fear of spending a lifetime being a target of ridicule or worse, just like my life pretty much was spent to that point.
A totally amazing, mindblowing, and scaring the crap out of me thing happened last year. It dawned on me that I pretty much achieved my lifelong dream. I was out in the real world being seen as and accepted as a woman!
How I managed it? Attitude.
I had spent many months and gallons of tears looking over my life, all my negative thought patterns, and the subsequent negative outcomes. I got involved with the most perfect TG group for me for the first time ever in my life. Another first seeing a therapist to help me with all of my other life issues as I had no desire whatsoever nor plans to eventually transition. Been there, tried that, opted for normal, and have tons of responsibilities to others and lastly to myself that I signed up for.
The physical aspects of presenting as a woman are fairly easily to overcome without any surgeries, or even hormones. Clothing and makeup can do wonders. A little work on the voice goes a very long way. The rest is self confidence and attitude. Neither of which can be truly be had without the tough personal work needed to rid yourself off a a lot of that negativity and unrealistic goals.
Quote from: muuu on December 11, 2012, 08:14:15 PM
What kind of people are you talking about, mildly-retarded people or what?
I am talking about Successful People. Picking them apart is not the point, the point is that it is easy to be successful, all it takes is steady work towards a goal. A little here, a little there. Swallow a pill, swallow a pill the next day, swallow a pill the following day. Plan, work, save money... The goal takes form like the growth of a tree, hard to see any difference just by looking but despite the lack of evidence the tree continues to grow.
Quote from: muuu on December 11, 2012, 08:14:15 PMBut life isn't worth living unless you can get the things that will give you happiness, relief and simply making life feel worth living.
Actually things can't make you happy. I know that sounds lame on the surface but it is absolutely true. Believing that things will bring you happiness is often times just a way to increase suffering in the moment or create your own pain. It is like over-thinking things and getting all up in one's head, focusing on one's fears, focusing on why one cannot succeed, focusing on why one cannot be happy right now.
Life isn't about having everything you want right now.
Life is a journey that one must learn to enjoy. Yes there are goals and milestones, acheivements, etc. but unless you can learn to enjoy working towards a goal then your life is going to be miserable and empty except for a few moments when you feel a temporary sense of "happiness" because the truth is you are always going to be missing something that is supposed to give you happiness. And if you focus on not having and on being without... you will get more of what you don't want. Law of Attraction, whatever you focus on you get more of. Focusing on anything you do not have will create more of what you do not want in your life.
It's really simple. If you buy a red 1964 VW Beetle you will suddenly start noticing every time you see a red VW Beetle, etc. If you think about all the things you have that you are grateful for you will notice more things in your life that you are grateful for, you will have more things to be grateful for. If you are positive you can create the conditions necessary for success, if you are negative you will create the conditions for failure and suffering.
It isn't magic it's simple cause and effect and how our brains work.
Quote from: muuu on December 11, 2012, 08:14:15 PMI have tried cloths and so on, but seeing my body just makes things worse and makes me realize how hopeless things are for me.
Wouldn't it be neat if transition was as easy as taking a hormone pill and waking up the next morning to the kiss of a handsome prince in a beautiful castle (or insert your own fantasy). Transition is what it is. Transition isn't a miracle fantasy that one can simply have come true and live happily ever after the next day. I am not going to say transition is hard because it is different for everyone. Everyone experiences everything differently (to a degree).
If transition was as easy as taking a pill and waking up the next day as a princess there wouldn't be any trans support forums.
Quote from: muuu on December 11, 2012, 08:14:15 PMThough, I guess that maybe doesn't count into transition? If it's part-time and FT you're talking about, that you actually go outside as yourself.
I don't know what you mean. Suffice it to say I am encouraging you. Complaining about how impossible transition is or saying you will never be able to transition is a bit like a man who has the instructions for building a car. He can either go out and get the parts and assemble them (as he is able to afford them) or he can throw up his hands in despair and cry about how he doesn't have a car. Maybe go into a fetal position and rock back and forth because there is no way on earth he can possibly be happy or survive without a car.
Or he can begin accumulating the parts and assembling them. And because he is human he can even begin to enjoy the process. Saving up the money, going to places, searching for deals on parts, assembling the car one part at a time, learning about things that have to do with assembling a car.
The point is if you can't be happy right now you will never be able to be happy. The man in the illustration above could make new friends, talk about shock absorbers or tires and be excited about his project or he could spend all his time complaining and being miserable and talking about how he will never have a car and for him that will become his self-fulfilling prophecy because if he continues to focus on what he does not have he will spend his live never having anything and always being miserable.
I went through exactly what you are going through. I was terrified and kept telling myself why I could never transition and because of that I prevented myself from transitioning sooner. You are younger and will obviously be more passable than I was sooner and yet some how I was able to get over myself, my stupid fears and all of my insecurity. Really what worked for me never had anything to do with anything any one ever said to me, I simply had to become so miserable that it didn't matter if all my fears came true or not. So I transitioned and magically all those fears and reasons why I could never transition simply vanished because they were all in my imagination anyway.
If you could have everything you could possibly ever want today what would bring you happiness tomorrow?
Transition will become what you believe about it and there is powerful magic in that, the magic to create or the magic to curse one's self. Choose wisely.
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Quote from: muuu on December 13, 2012, 12:51:05 AM
Well, I really wouldn't mind seeing somebody else whine and be negative, other than myself... Like, it's nice to know that at least somebody else is into self-pity and hopelessness too!
Well, I feel a lot like you describe, except I'm a little further along ... at two years hormones. Same weight issue, 'cept I'm one of those lucky people who don't put on weight.
Now, I shouldn't be complaining too much about how I look, because I'm on the feminine side of androgynous - a little makeup and the right clothing helps a lot. However, passing as male is just as simple as forgetting the makeup and going out in more masculine clothes.
I don't really like that. I started at seventeen, and I was really hoping my appearance would be a little better than ambiguous... I also hoped that I would be able to fill out a bra, fit into girls' bottoms, and look good while showing skin. As it stands, an A-cup is still miles away, I need to wear a belt with size zero jeans because my hips are so tiny, and shaving my legs invariably makes me an aching, itching, burning, red-skinned mess of a human being. :P
I don't have to money to really take care of myself, or get electrolysis to finish up the laser job on my face, or clear away some body hair. The body hair, by the way, covers nearly every spot on me. It isn't dark and wiry, but it's... visible upon inspection. It's dark enough, and long enough, to make me uncomfortable with showing off, say... my back, shoulders, upper arms, torso, or whatever-else-have-you. I also need to get rid of some hair on my hands, but I don't imagine that stuff gets noticed too often. I have gross amphibian hands anyway, so nobody bothers to stare.
Until things turn around, my life is a big waiting game, as I can't even afford the government-funded SRS. Why? Because recovery and airfare aren't covered. D'oh. And who knows if my body will ever slow down enough to let me put on a few pounds - but even if it does, I'd like to be in good shape, and that means burning off lots of fat. I may never be able to have natural breasts, and this really upsets me... because implants are expensive, unnatural, and gross. I may end up getting them anyway, but I'd really prefer not to.
I know things will get better in time, but I'm so tired of living in the future... so tired of hating the present. So tired of hating how I look, and how I am. So tired of this eternal depression. I was happy for most of 2011... why did that have to go away? I miss happiness so much. I'm so tired of life, and all I know is that I'm lucky that suicide is still a scary thought. I feel caught between life and death, because... while I'm not really alive, I still breathe and walk.
That's a part of what makes me a ghost. I've almost always been that... not noticed, not living, not dead. Passing through life as more of a spectator than an actor.
Even now, after two years, I don't really feel that I'm able to fit in with females. I note, though, that I don't fit in with most humans in general... I mean more than socially though. My body, specifically, doesn't feel very 'female', but I imagine that this is mostly because I don't really notice my breasts. I forget to factor them in because they're... just so small. Unless I'm topless, it's easy enough to think I have a boy's chest.
But, socially... I'm still as awkward as ever. I'm too honest, a very poor sympathizer, I take things literally, and I don't usually consider the feelings of others when I speak. I can process their thoughts based on likelihood, but people's emotions elude me. That makes me very insensitive, at times, and this often leads to me hurting people unintentionally.
I had hoped that I would get even a little better at socializing. Perhaps that was an unreasonable expectation.
Overall, I feel like a failure... when you factor in my failure with employment in recent history, my ability to live life, and how I have changed over the years.
I feel like a flower that would rather wilt than blossom.
My patience will be tested, because I won't be able to further my transition at all in 2013. And I can still see a guy in the mirror.
Here's to the future. It's all I've got going for me.
(Making a new thread isn't worthwhile. Another crying thread would just be a waste of space, so I'll put this here, and if anyone cares... feel free to respond.)
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I've seen your pictures in the Could I Pass thread, you have nothing to worry about, you have an amazing starting point and people with far worse have transitioned to 100% passable and attractive.
Also being attractive is more about attitude and style than anything, staying fit and eating healthy is important too, but all of these things are within your grasp.
Just have faith ;D
muu, maybe have a look at what I posted.
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,131441.0.html (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,131441.0.html)
There was no way I could pass for every reason in the book and ten others.
Tomorrow I will be standing on a stage in front of people receiving an award for stuff in front of all my University colleagues.
I will be wearing a skirt and top and looking good.
I came out FT about 3 months ago.
If anyone doesn't know they will tomorrow.
If I can anyone can.
Dang if i had my SRS covered id shut the hell up and never complain again. Thats a godsend and you dont even see it, who cares what other ppl think u will be female where it COUNTS.
plus u just started hrt , im sure the situation isnt quite as bad as you think and the HRT will help some.
Oh lol, just saw your post in the could i pass thread, calm down you'll be fine.
Quote from: muuu on December 13, 2012, 01:08:01 AM
@O_O
I don't really want to live like a successful person, continuously running in a wheel to make their life better.
I see what you are doing here and at first I wasn't even going to post except that I know there are others out there who will be encouraged by what I and others have said. So our efforts aren't a complete waste.
What you do with your own life is up to you.
You have the rest of your life to enjoy. What you do today will affect the quality of your life tomorrow.
Good luck with whatever you choose to do.
maybe we should stop encouraging this behavior by not responding. it seems as if muuu is simply trying to convinceherself that ashe is hopeless by knocking every good idea, thought, etc... she will convince herself she is hopeless but what does that even mean? she is human so she will believe there is hope somewhere so she will post something here looking for more arguments to have hope but she will argue herself out of them and repeat the cycle.
I do the same thing sometimes
Quote from: oZma on December 13, 2012, 11:21:36 AM
maybe we should stop encouraging this behavior by not responding. it seems as if muuu is simply trying to convinceherself that ashe is hopeless by knocking every good idea, thought, etc... she will convince herself she is hopeless but what does that even mean? she is human so she will believe there is hope somewhere so she will post something here looking for more arguments to have hope but she will argue herself out of them and repeat the cycle.
I do the same thing sometimes
My thoughts exactly
.
Quote from: muuu on December 13, 2012, 02:01:06 AM
Shouldn't AAs fix body hair? Like, maybe your T isn't being put low enough?
Have you tried epilating? If you haven't I guess you could try that, for your skin, but it might just make it worse. Like, my armpits are not very happy with razors, but epilating them works fine. Though, be really careful, cuz it may damage your skin and cause in-growns... which isn't fun...
And like, I think there was some discussion about that having low T is kinda needed for breast growth. Maybe there's something to that.
I suppose you might need help in getting better at social things, I suppose just generally it's hard to attain social skills when you're alone, but to learn how people work you might actually talk to somebody who knows how to teach those things... I think at least people with ADHD, or those in the autism specturm might need 'professional' help to function better in social situations.
What's about 2013, you have to stop HRT?
My hormone levels have been fine for quite some time, and yes I have tried epilation. I didn't really find it all that helpful.
As for social skills... I think I function okay. I can make friends, I just have problems keeping them, and I can put on a great show when I need to, for whatever.
As for 2013... it's not that I will stop HRT. It's just that I won't be making any progress in my transition. I hate standing still.
Kelly, that's awful, that the government covers the surgery but not the recovery and transportation... It's like if you had a heart attack and they would save you for free, but then charge you for every day you stay at the hospital... >.<"
But airfare? You need to take a plane? Are you, like, in British Columbia? :x
And uhm, you could try giving the health services a call/email. Doing so I discovered that the Québec government can cover laser and electro, given that it's a doctor who performs it, and is willing to do paperwork to assess that I suffer significant psychological issues because of the hair. Whether I ever find a doctor who does that is a whole other world, but it's a pretty good fact that I learned, that maybe, just maybe, there's a chance that I'll be able to get my face cleared with my current income.
All that to say that... Who knows, if you ask them, you might learn something good, too.
And muuu, all I can really reply to that is that when you think no one can change your mind, you have a big neon flashy hint that you're most probably wrong.
Yes, I'm in BC. It's a lovely place.
My prescribing doctor is very knowledgeable about coverage for various things, so I will ask her when I see her in a couple weeks about hair coverage. She has told me about coverage for breast implants, too, and I'm on the waiting list for that... but the standards are rather high. She suspects that, even with what I have, I may have too much to be eligible for coverage. I continue to hope, however.
The waiting list for that was something like three years long when I last checked. Hopefully it's more like one or one and a half by now.
If I remember correctly, to be eligible for BA coverage, one must be smaller than 150cc. For anyone who might find that information useful. :)