Susan's Place Transgender Resources

This is the first in a three-part series in which I ask those (who want to participate) questions about their chosen name (nothing personal, but just compiling statistics). This part deals with whether or not you changed your last name (in the context of transitioning - if you for example later changed your last name when you married, or if you used your transition court order to restore your maiden last name, treat that as if you kept your original last name).

In the poll I ask if you kept or plan on keeping your birth (or other pre-transition, if previously changed for a non-marriage reason) last name, or if you changed or plan on changing it. I also have different choices for MTFs and FTMs, to see if there's any correlation along those lines.

I plan on doing the next two parts after the holidays.

I would really like to change my last name - I associated it with my birth sex and it's very uncommon so I'm easy to Google and trace my history. OTOH, my kids have my last name and I don't want to have a different name as them. Right now I'm undecided.

I like my last name, and it goes well with my chosen name, so I'll only change it if my family disowns me.

XD I fail at answering polls.
I meant to right 'I'm keeping my last name' for FtM NOT MtF. I got confused cause I was like "Oh I'm a guy! It must be that box!"  without even thinking.
:-X Sorry for messing up your polls.

I kept my original last name. Its perfectly good and I am used to it and it would have been unfair to do that to my dad considering how well he accepted me. Besides, Dunaway is a good name except for having to always make sure people spell it right.

I changed my last name when I changed my first because I had given my kid a different last name in 2000 and had always intended to change mine to hers anyway.

I changed my last name to be more in line with my heritage.  I am Irish, not German.

I kept mine but I NEVER use it on social media sites in case people I no longer want to know try to track me down. We were the only family with that surname in the North Island of New Zealand. My father was a good and loving father and i think he would have accepted me were he still alive, so i keep it out of respect to him. Many of the rest of the family are a dead loss, so the less they can find out about me, the better.

I changed my last name for a few reasons but I did take a last name from my maternal side of the family. It was my great grandmother's maiden name.

My father wasn't supportive and was down right nasty about me being trans so I wasn't going to pass his last name on. After my parents had divorced I had no problems dropping his name.

I didn't have a last name at all for about 14 years (since I was ordained as a Buddhist, and decided to use my Buddhist name as my entire legal name, out of some silly sense of principle). When I decided to transition, I decided to make things less difficult for myself, so I took my maternal grandfather's surname, as he was the only person in my family who behaved anything like a parent toward me - plus it's a name I really resonate with just as a word.

My last name came from the phone book.I'm part Scottish and i liked the sound of it

I love and maintain very close ties with my family, so I had no intention of changing my last name after coming out. I had considered changing it to my mother's maiden name at one point, but only because my father is sort of estranged from the family, and that idea was quickly scrapped anyway when my mum decided she was keeping his name.

The only parts of my name I plan on changing are my first and second (Marcello to Marcella). I have five names, as we Hispanics are infamous for our long names.  :laugh:

I kept my  last name, it is a German-West-Frisian name. I am very happy with it, it is very uncommon.

I put "plan on keeping my last name" because I am going to go back to my maiden name once I get divorced, so technically I am changing it, but I never wanted to change my name when I got married so I figure my current last name doesn't count. Even if my family disowns me, I am going to keep it just because it's badass.

Quote from: Two way Rain on December 13, 2012, 09:16:35 PM
XD I fail at answering polls.
I meant to right 'I'm keeping my last name' for FtM NOT MtF. I got confused cause I was like "Oh I'm a guy! It must be that box!"  without even thinking.
:-X Sorry for messing up your polls.

Lol, yeah I sometimes accidently call myself an MTF too because it's like "oh I've always been a guy."

I'm keeping my last name because it connects me to my kids.

I'll keep my last name, never really occurred to me to change it. It's pretty unusual though so I'll probably be easily followed online pre and post transition (if anyone cares enough!)

My name is a keeper. I'm not all that family-oriented, but any name good enough for me dear ol' pop is good enough for me. ^_^  Also, it's a fairly uncommon name, so I like that too.

My response to this poll is obviously conditional. Having  just recently been through the "hoops and jumps" with Hatches, Matches and Dispatchers (Births, Deaths and Marriages), I've kept my last name.

However, that's conditional on some hunky looking guy doing that for me. Only he can change my last name  :laugh:   :laugh:  Otherwise I'm doomed to remain in the 44.7% category   ;D

(P.S. Anyone have an eligible brother at home at the moment??)

Huggs
Catherine

I changed my last name. My father is not supportive of me or what I'm doing and I no longer wished to bear his name in the world. I took my mother's maiden name, which did kinda make her and her family mad, but I just loved the name for some reason and am glad I have done it.

I'm changing my last name. When my grandfather came out from the Ukraine, he chose a less `woggy' surname to hide behind, and I'm changing my name back to that. For me its kind of symbolic that I don't need to hide anything any more - my heritage or myself.

I don't see any need to change my name, unless family members disown me. Which I doubt would happen, but I am changing my first (of course) and middle name. My name is Justin Ronald, I'll probably change it to Jessica Justin, I don't want to lose the name, and it doesn't really harm me. Ronald however I hate.

It's my bio dad's first name. And he has problems. He abused a few family members (sexually) and I have a feeling that he sexually abused me when I was young... but I can't remember, there's just this gap in my memory... it pisses me off. So I want to forget the jerk (almost swore there) and move on with MY life.

I'm torn on the matter.  It will be a long time before I have to make that choice but, on one hand I love my last name, but on the other, I it might interesting to explore other last names.

I will probably wind up combining it with another last name

Right now I'm kinda trying to change my name to DAM-DAM-DAAAAAM! Sparrowhawke as the first in my country.

Quote from: Sparrowhawke on December 18, 2012, 04:39:27 PM
Right now I'm kinda trying to change my name to DAM-DAM-DAAAAAM! Sparrowhawke as the first in my country.

Not sure if you're being real or facetious but Sparrowhawke would be an awesome last name if you come from Native American Ancestry.

Quote from: Simon on December 18, 2012, 04:48:21 PM
Not sure if you're being real or facetious but Sparrowhawke would be an awesome last name if you come from Native American Ancestry.

No I mean it. I'm not native American (maybe a past life?), but when I was young what I think either could have been a sparrowhawk or a bird like that looked into my eyes twice in a week. That kind of birds are really rare where I come from so it could have been a sign.

Thanks for the responses! Although there's plenty on here that have changed their last name, it looks like a significant majority kept theirs. Now I'll discuss what (IMO) the pros and cons of each are.

Pros of keeping your last name:
If your family is supportive, changing it might create unnecessary tension.
It may raise less scrutiny when you change your name, since the reason for changing your first and middle names is obvious but might wonder why you're also changing your last name.
No need to explain the difference in last name in family group settings, or on your birth certificate (assuming you can get it changed).

Pros of changing your last name:
If you have a family that's disowned you, it might feel good to make a break from them.
Stealth or partial stealth may be easier, as it often makes it harder for others to "connect the dots" between the old and new names if they see them together.

The reasons I asked separately about transwomen and transmen is I thought the former have a little more incentive to change their last name, since it's more normal for a woman to have used more than one last name since they frequently change them upon marriage or divorce. It also provides a way to bypass outing yourself if you're asked what your former name was and they don't have a need to know (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,130062) in your case, since unless they ask for the full name you could say or put down just the former last name and they'd probably assume it was your "maiden" (or "previous married") name. (I got that idea from a transman who suggested putting down just your former initials on a job application if they're different, and I think for the MTF side my idea is an even better one. FTMs have the advantage in that they're less likely to be asked in a conversational setting about their former name since it's less likely that a man would've changed his name, while MTFs have the advantage of a way to respond without outing themselves but only if they've changed their last name.)

If you want to change your last name, but are worried about family reactions, a good compromise might be to pick a surname that was the maiden name of a recent ancestor (which keeps the family connection but is as good as changing to a random last name to non-family members).

Beings that I have had my last name for 66 years and most of my legal documents have it I see little reason to change it.     My father was adopted and my last name is his adopted last name.   From genealogical records I know his adoptive last names history.   I also know the history of my mother's last name.    I know my father's birth mother's first and last name but nothing more about that family.

For me there is no point in changing my last name.

I originally was planning on changing it. I wanted to get as far aways as possible from my former self. I decided on keeping it at the end though.

The pros: I feel more connected with my family
The cons: I guess it's easier to draw the connection between me and my old life? I dunno. I've been very good about drawing the line about where he ended.

The last name I used pre-transition was the name of the guy who got my mother pregnant.  He got her knocked up then went back to his family in Dallas.  There are very few emotional ties to that name.

When name change time came about I picked a name of the most distant female ancestor possible.

I'm very much planning on changing my last name.
I will be using my birth first name as my last name after I change it.
Namely because I want to keep my birth name as a part of my name, even though I feel like a different person - since it's the first thing that was ever given to me.
Also, I'm getting rid of the last name because the side of the family that it comes from, doesn't approve of my transition.
If they won't acknowledge me properly, then why should I acknowledge them back?

I'm keeping my last name but changing the language of it.

I kept mine, did not wish to, lets just say i had no choice in the matter.

I clicked the wrong poll option. I legally changed my last name. For the main reason I did not want the two lives tied together in any way plus my last name has no family history we didn't even really know if its a real family last name because my grandma was sleeping with two guys at the time. lol

Personal preference I don't think there is a wrong or right answer.

I kept my last name.  But when I was a teenager I always imagined I'd change it to something completely different - something summery, a new beginning kind of thing, and because I thought my family would disown me.  But when it came to the crunch my family couldn't have been more accepting and supportive.  So, I never gave changing it another thought.  And I've had no problems being (mostly) stealth.

I kept my last name. It is my family name and I think my parents would have killed me if I have changed it. specially after the support they showed me and defending me among the relatives. we had our ups and downs but they alway had my back when some say something against me. 

Keeping mine because in my country changing a least name with out marriage or going back to a maiden name means endless paper work and interviews with the police! NOT EVER WORTH IT.

I like my last name and my first name - although I no longer feel as if my first name is part of who I am anymore.

But it's still my past and my present so I would like to keep both if I could.

I actually liked my original last name because it was pretty unusual. Not super exotic, but Intelius lists only about a hundred people with that last name in the U.S. I don't know how accurate that is; when I search by last name only, my old name doesn't even come up! Many of these folks married into the family, of course, but most of the rest are probably my blood relations. My paternal grandfather came from MN, and lots of people with the same last name either still live in that area or once did live there.

Actually, its unusualness marked me, and that's why it had to go. I needed a last name that was more anonymous. In addition, my original name was hard to pronounce, and people were always getting it wrong--both pronunciation and spelling. That gets old pretty quickly.

But the thing I hated the most was the incessant question "What kind of name is that?" I was never able to simply say "An American name." The interrogator always wanted to know where my family was from originally. And then, when I answered, "Germany, mostly," a lot of people would argue with me and say that I couldn't be right and that the name looked Dutch (or Norwegian). Nobody says a thing about my current last name, and that's the way I like it. In fact, I even joke about how common it is.

I changed my last name. My last name was created in 19th century Italy and given to a little orphaned boy who was my direct ancestor. It's so unique it had to be changed, otherwise I'd be outed within seconds. I know where each and every one with this last name lives.

I transitioned and I kept my last name

I kept my last name because I didn't have a reason for changing it. Though, after paying the fees—a hefty one too—for the documents and changes, I wondered if I should have picked a cool last name to go with it. I probably would have ended up as Deven Stark or something.  (Because Iron Man!)

I thought about changing it for awhile but kept it after all. It links me to my family and my ancestors. Keeping it has also been helpful with documents and paperwork. The only problems I've had has been that sometimes I get people and paperwork back thinking I am a spouse of my old name Bryan.

I changed my last name because my father hurt me and I never liked the sound of it anyway. I chose my grandmother's maiden name because her and her 3 sisters were the biggest matriarchal influences to my entire extended family and I wanted to honor them. And I like the sound of it. :)

I don't want to skew your results by answering undecided when it's more complicated than that. I'd like to keep my current name (which I changed to at marriage).

It would definitely eliminate any chance of stealth, though, and I might be willing to change it if my ex requested I do so, but if I did, I'd most probably revert to my very common surname from birth, unless parents objected. Since my current surname is also the legal surname of my children, I'm very hesitant to consider changing it.

If I were to decide to change it, I'd probably go with the maiden name of an ancestor on my dad's side whose identity I discovered in the course of genealogical research. The screen name I use here is also a tribute to her, as is my most common and simplest online screen-name, ebbixx. e.b. being her initials, bi and xx being what I assumed to be self evident references that surprisingly few people deduce on their own, or those who do don't feel comfortable mentioning.

I planned to change my surname - but in the end I didn't. In discussions with my mum, I discovered that she had continued to use her married name after her divorce so that she and I would continue to have the same surname - so I decided to return the favour.

I also kept my middle name the same in order to keep peace with the other side of the family - my middle name is actually a surname. It was a name that has traditionally been given to the first born male in every generation for the last several. It hasn't been attached to a woman since the woman whose family the name came from married in to the family..

Quote from: Kelly the Trans-Rebel on January 10, 2013, 03:00:52 AM
I also kept my middle name the same in order to keep peace with the other side of the family - my middle name is actually a surname. It was a name that has traditionally been given to the first born male in every generation for the last several. It hasn't been attached to a woman since the woman whose family the name came from married in to the family..

Cool story! No way am I keeping my middle name (William), not even in feminized form, even though it is sort of a similar tradition, tracing back at least five generations. I actually dropped it at marriage, at least on my social security card and driver's license. The hyphenated surname was long enough without adding a middle name to the mix.

I changed my surname to my husband's surname when I got married. But when I decided to transition, I went back to my original (so-called 'maiden') surname.

I've really come full circle. When I got married I was so glad to get rid of my birth surname because my dad had abandoned me, but when I announced that I would be transitioning my husband decided to abandon me too. If he wants to throw me away, he doesn't deserve to have me keep his name. I told him that to his face. :P

So I got rid of his name and went back to the original one because at least I feel a connection to it.

I am neutrois and plan on keeping my last name.