Hi everyone
I'm mentally starting to feel that I will need to go fulltime soon. I still work fulltime in boy mode in an office and have had a lot of male fails of late lol. It's kind of awkward because i wear the usuall horrible male business shirts and pants but I have hair down to my shoulder . I kind of look untidy.
I can go out in public in girl mode no problem just my voice is so bad. I'm started seeing a speech therapist a month a ago but I think I'll still need a few more month
Now to my question I guess when did you know it was time to go fulltime. Was it when you mentally could not handle putting up with presenting as male or was it when you kept having male fail all the time. Or did you keep to a plan?
Thanks for all the girls comments about my photos in the do I pass section. I really appreciated it :)
Thanks
Emma
Ps my one year on hrt comes up in two weeks. I'm so happy it's gone so quick
Congrats on the 1 year!
I went full time when it caused me to many emotional issues to present male anymore.
Just curious, what fails do you mean?
When people started having trouble seeing me as a boy even when I was presenting as a boy, that's when I knew full time was then. Looking back though, I was still a bit in between for a few months after I went full time... at least compared to where I'm at now. But I was ready because I just got fired from work, I had a couple new friends that met me as Alaina, and I just started my laser... so it was the perfect time to change my name legally and just go full blast.
Sounds counter intuitive to be unemployed and transition at the same time because of money issues... but I was (and still am) getting unemployment, and was getting student loans to pay for some things, along with some help from my mom and friends like clothes and things like that. For me it was just so many signs saying "Do it now!"
when people started calling me by female pronouns even when i was in boy cloths. i figured i must be full time so go with the flow
Quote from: Tristan on April 06, 2013, 12:04:30 PM
when people started calling me by female pronouns even when i was in boy cloths. i figured i must be full time so go with the flow
This
I was a year past strangers ma'aming me when I went fulltime. I mostly chose the time to do it when the company I was working for closed and it was a good time to change my name. no way could I have done it working as a stevedore. Also by then, everyone that knew me knew something freaky was going on, lol.
Well, I went full time when I had enough courage.
I'm going full time as early as possible. I'm not young and I don't want to miss living a moment of my life as I should.
I promised my wife I'd wait until our son graduates high school. That's happening in June, so that's when I'm doing it.
I won't pass well, but then I don't think more time would help me pass better. Only FFS would help there, and that ain't happening.
Quote from: Jaime R D on April 06, 2013, 05:42:13 PM
I was a year past strangers ma'aming me when I went fulltime. I mostly chose the time to do it when the company I was working for closed and it was a good time to change my name. no way could I have done it working as a stevedore. Also by then, everyone that knew me knew something freaky was going on, lol.
Wow! You got ma'amed for a year and managed to still pass as male. Not so long ago, it was ladies' night at the Viper Room and I was on a business trip and my friend got in for free and they took one look at me and said "close enough" and let me pass. Don't know what that means but sh*t like that happens all the time and I even had to show one guy my license before he would believe I was a man. So I'm really worried that I'll be forced to go fulltime before I'm ready voice-wise and employment-wise. Though I'm trying to get into grad school at Penn so this could actually help me in some respects, ya know diversity and all that. This is a good question though.
Quote from: Joanna Dark on April 06, 2013, 05:59:04 PM
Wow! You got ma'amed for a year and managed to still pass as male. Not so long ago, it was ladies' night at the Viper Room and I was on a business trip and my friend got in for free and they took one look at me and said "close enough" and let me pass. Don't know what that means but sh*t like that happens all the time and I even had to show one guy my license before he would believe I was a man. So I'm really worried that I'll be forced to go fulltime before I'm ready voice-wise and employment-wise. Though I'm trying to get into grad school at Penn so this could actually help me in some respects, ya know diversity and all that. This is a good question though.
I wasn't really passing as male so much as as I just kept wearing male clothes and not telling anyone other than my dad that I was trans. I'd go out to lunch with some guys from work and even dirty, wearing flannel and an old baseball cap, I'd get ma'amed. The guys just tried to ignore it, lol. Most everyone had figured I was going over to the other side by then, but they just didn't want to say anything. Later I found out that even the people in the office at the port had figured it out, but didn't care so long as I did my job well.
Quote from: KaylaW on April 06, 2013, 09:43:35 AM
Just curious, what fails do you mean?
I was in the male toilet washing my hands in work clothes and a guy came in and asked as this the right toilet. I had the biggest smile that day. In the office a few times clients called me lady from behind and one time i was mistaken for a another female staf member. This is mostly when ppl look at me from behind.
I'm interested when you girls did go fulltime was your voice femine? At the moment my voice is really male and makes me a bit afraid to be out in girl mode and talk
I've been working on the assumption that I'll go full-time as soon as I'm sure that I'll be able to completely and unambiguously be read as female.
Which would require a little voice training and a bit of a hair removal from where I am now... (And lots of make-up pre-hormones)
Well, as someone who believes the idea of transitioning in male mode, for her, would be silly cause, well, look at her. Add in her age and yeah being ma'med ain't going to happen in male mode without FFS or other things she'd rather not get...
I went full time cause I just couldn't take being a guy anymore. Yeah, I get clocked and misgendered and it bugs me. I'm also sure if I put my mind to it I could come up with a long things I'd like to improve about my presentation, but I think that list would just get me down so I don't make it. And, when it comes down to it, I'd rather be clockable yet hear my name and my appropriate pronouns from those goodly enough to use them on me. It has made my life and my demeanor better.
Quote from: Misato33 on April 06, 2013, 07:54:46 PM
Well, as someone who believes the idea of transitioning in male mode, for her, would be silly cause, well, look at her. Add in her age and yeah being ma'med ain't going to happen in male mode without FFS or other things she'd rather not get...
I went full time cause I just couldn't take being a guy anymore. Yeah, I get clocked and misgendered and it bugs me. I'm also sure if I put my mind to it I could come up with a long things I'd like to improve about my presentation, but I think that list would just get me down so I don't make it. And, when it comes down to it, I'd rather be clockable yet hear my name and my appropriate pronouns from those goodly enough to use them on me. It has made my life and my demeanor better.
Who are you talking about?
As for working on a list of things to improve about presentation... if that's what's going to make you happy, do it. When I started hormones (and even before), I was watching women AND men to see the differences and I'm STILL learning things. Deprogramming things you have ingrained into your brain for years takes a lot of learning. It's not going to happen by itself so if it's going to make you happier, just look at people and work on things. I've learned a million things by looking at both.
For the record, I don't pass in like 80% of the photos I take of myself. Yall just see the 20% good. I'd change a million and a half things about my looks. But presentation (and hair) works like crazy. I could show yall some ugly ugly pictures of me taken this past weekend and yall would think I DON'T pass... but when I'm relaxed and being myself, when I speak, when I move, when I dress appropriately, all that stuff... I can take photos that same day and not pass very well but in real life people have been floored to know I'm trans. And it's no disputing that. I've been to transgender support meetings and cis-gender counselors tell me they'd never have guessed if I didn't say I was trans in the meetings, the amount of attention they devote to me proves they aren't being nice, too. Everything from voice to manners to what I say to how I say it, the confidence (huge), those things matter like crazy.
Looks can clock you but grace can save you. But at the end of the day it's about being you. That's what this is all about. If you're not comfortable doing girl things, presenting as a girl does, willing to work on small details to be taken completely as a girl, then perhaps someone who doesn't want to falls into a more "gender queer" category than a full blown MtF transsexual? Not saying that it's a bad thing.. nobody is "trannier than thou" or something along that thought, just we talk about a gender spectrum, some of us may be a little closer to blue than stereotypes make cis women to be :)
I went full time as soon as I knew it was time. For about 6 months several people "figured out" what I was doing, and had asked me what my girl name would be...although I was totally nervous the first couple times I gave out my name, over time it got easier, and I almost introduced myself several times to people who seemed to be oblivious to my changes...
About the tenth time, I felt suddenly...relaxed...and from inside I heard, "It's time." That afternoon I went to see my boss about getting a new name tag...and soon after I learned that in order to fill out certain legal documents, I'd need a court-ordered name change...This made me very happy, and everything just fell into place.
My voice isn't good, but I seem to pass when people see me from behind, but not within 50' in front. Oh well. I'm happy.
Quote from: Alainaluvsu on April 06, 2013, 08:36:11 PM
Who are you talking about?
Me, sorry. I was talking about me. Just, I've been metaphorically clocked prize fighter style a few times in the past week and that's been a drag on me few days (no pun intended). Worst was actually weeks ago though. I was wearing my favorite outfit, part of which is a pink skirt, and I got "Sir'd' at a Subway.
I just don't want to get my hopes up for what HRT will do for me. Just be grateful for what does happen. And I didn't want to predicate my going full time on passing cause despite the bumps I hit, I know I'd be a whole lot unhappier now if I still tried presenting myself as a guy.
Quote from: Girl Power on April 06, 2013, 06:11:39 PM
I'm interested when you girls did go fulltime was your voice femine? At the moment my voice is really male and makes me a bit afraid to be out in girl mode and talk
I haven't changed my voice at all. And I get Ma'amed consistently every time on the phone and in person.
I went full time 3 months into HRT because word had spread at my workplace that I was on hormones. So I figured why the hell should I have to keep up the charade? After all, that's where I spent most of my time. And it's been 90% okay and 10% nightmare to get it done. I still have an issue with my drivers licence and laser hair removal to do but that's a case of finding the right papers and being able to afford the hair removal. I had once breifly added FFS to my list but a few people have said I don't really need it. I apparently have a good facial shape and bone structure. Some days I do wonder though what, if anything could they even do. lol :P
Quote from: Alainaluvsu on April 06, 2013, 08:36:11 PM
Who are you talking about?
As for working on a list of things to improve about presentation... if that's what's going to make you happy, do it. When I started hormones (and even before), I was watching women AND men to see the differences and I'm STILL learning things. Deprogramming things you have ingrained into your brain for years takes a lot of learning. It's not going to happen by itself so if it's going to make you happier, just look at people and work on things. I've learned a million things by looking at both.
For the record, I don't pass in like 80% of the photos I take of myself. Yall just see the 20% good. I'd change a million and a half things about my looks. But presentation (and hair) works like crazy. I could show yall some ugly ugly pictures of me taken this past weekend and yall would think I DON'T pass... but when I'm relaxed and being myself, when I speak, when I move, when I dress appropriately, all that stuff... I can take photos that same day and not pass very well but in real life people have been floored to know I'm trans. And it's no disputing that. I've been to transgender support meetings and cis-gender counselors tell me they'd never have guessed if I didn't say I was trans in the meetings, the amount of attention they devote to me proves they aren't being nice, too. Everything from voice to manners to what I say to how I say it, the confidence (huge), those things matter like crazy.
Looks can clock you but grace can save you. But at the end of the day it's about being you. That's what this is all about. If you're not comfortable doing girl things, presenting as a girl does, willing to work on small details to be taken completely as a girl, then perhaps someone who doesn't want to falls into a more "gender queer" category than a full blown MtF transsexual? Not saying that it's a bad thing.. nobody is "trannier than thou" or something along that thought, just we talk about a gender spectrum, some of us may be a little closer to blue than stereotypes make cis women to be :)
Alaina
I couldn't of said it better unless I used 1000 words!! so much of being a woman has nothing to do with how you dress or look...sure it helps but if you still act like a man and are not 100% (who is) people may start to wonder.
I have had many people including therapists say the same thing to me...problem is I never think their serius...I always feel people are just being nice. It has happened too much for me not to believe and I have used it to boost my self esteem. Sometimes I say to myself, Shelly your now a woman and there's nothing you can do about it LOL. What realy helps me is working stealth. I have heard people make remarks about sex changes or little jokes about it in front of me with them not even thinking I am transgendered. I too could post pics of me that I'm sure many would say I look great...theirs also many that I feel I look so much like a guy. Even at work when I have a bad hair day I feel everyone feels... geez is that a guy...only to get hit on by a man!! So much of transitioning has to do with self confidence. Like you say if your not willing to take the time to make the subtle changes needed....maybe transitioning isn't for you. (Not speaking of you)
So much of how I changed has just come out of nowhere...I was never a feminine man though I wasn't some macho man either. Other things like how you greet other women and men are things that I may have changed purposely but seemed to come natural...I can't even remember how I did it before but I'm sure it came with a head nod!! But I still have some tendencies of not greeting all people I may work with..even if a woman doesn't like someone they still say hi..I have a tendency to ignore some!!
I do wish more people would take the time before going full time, if not for their own self being at least for the self being of others in a simular place. Yes this may sound judgmental but when its needed to be known that I am transgendered I am judged by others that are in the same category I am. When I was in my in between stage I am sure I was far enough to go full time...I had people argue with me believing I was woman when telling them I was a man. I am self employed...my last 3 jobs I booked...I thought I booked as a man only to find out they thought they hired a woman named S*** (only a mans name) Yes, this did convince me to go full time but still never boosted my confidance. I needed more confidance but even more I felt I needed to radiate more of a womanly ora. Even after two years full time I think I am close to radiating mostly female.
Shelly
Quote from: Just Shelly on April 06, 2013, 11:51:00 PM
I needed more confidance but even more I felt I needed to radiate more of a womanly ora. Even after two years full time I think I am close to radiating mostly female.
My roommate is a guy that used to not "get" us. He drunkedly said tonight to the guy he's dating that I'm the one that changed how to look at us. After living with me for almost a year, he knows me very well... he's always saying "You're way too hard on yourself" when I have my insecure moments... and he's right. And I think it might be the same for you.
I think there are lots of transsexuals out there that need to "transition" just to see what it's like and see if that life is for them. It might not be... but try not to get too far into it before you figure it out. There are a few out there that get FFS and SRS and look absolutely amazing, but decide it's not for them. We were at the house of the guy my roommate was dating and told me about a friend like that, showed him pictures. He said he always told this person that they weren't a girl, they were a flamboyant gay person that likes to wear girl clothes and have sex a lot. 5 years into full time this person is apparently suicidal and wanting to go back to being a boy.
Full time is not for everybody but we need to try it so we know who we are. The big no no is going to fast into it and not listening to what people are telling you. All we are doing is turning into ourselves, it shouldn't be too hard and big of a deal if you have time to figure yourself out first! I used the first few months on HRT to break barriers.. say things I never would've said and be proud not to be masculine at first, lead from that and be proud to be "girly"... openly "gay" ... then finally when people were calling me she and her when we'd had little waiting room chit chats when I was wearing baggy pants and a boys shirt, supporting a big ol 5 oclock shadow... I knew it was time to go full time.
The day after a girl at work told me my nail polish was really nice and where did I get them done, (I get them done and wear acrylics). I sort of looked at her and just blurted out, you know I'm trans? She said no but didn't seem surprised, so then and there I got eveyone together and told them. It seemed pretty silly going in as a guy after that :laugh:.
I've been FT for close to a year, my voice doesn't pass, I haven't been 'called out' by anyone anywhere.
I drive a flashy sports car with the number plate 'CINDYS1'. Stealth was never even a faint option so I don't hide at all :laugh:,
I'm not terribly stealth either tbh. I wouldn't want to be clocked... but whispering about hormones like I'm in the closet again and my mom is in the other room isn't something I care to do either.
Quote from: Alainaluvsu on April 07, 2013, 03:42:25 AM
I'm not terribly stealth either tbh. I wouldn't want to be clocked... but whispering about hormones like I'm in the closet again and my mom is in the other room isn't something I care to do either.
Sorry, I didn't mean to be rude in anyway :-*
No I don't take any hint of being clocked, if someone gets a pronoun wrong, if someone tries to be funny, if someone tries to be rude I will hang them out to dry, and I am very capable of doing that in public or in private.
I owe that to my sisters and brothers who may not have my confidence and ego. I will not abide people being discriminated against for any reason. I am capable of and driven to set an example. Australia has very good anti-discrimination law and I make damn sure that anyone breaking them knows all about them.
Hugs Sis
C
Quote from: Misato33 on April 06, 2013, 07:54:46 PM
And, when it comes down to it, I'd rather be clockable yet hear my name and my appropriate pronouns from those goodly enough to use them on me.
^^^
This!
Quote from: Alainaluvsu on April 06, 2013, 11:48:05 AM
When people started having trouble seeing me as a boy even when I was presenting as a boy, that's when I knew full time was then. Looking back though, I was still a bit in between for a few months after I went full time... at least compared to where I'm at now. But I was ready because I just got fired from work, I had a couple new friends that met me as Alaina, and I just started my laser... so it was the perfect time to change my name legally and just go full blast.
Sounds counter intuitive to be unemployed and transition at the same time because of money issues... but I was (and still am) getting unemployment, and was getting student loans to pay for some things, along with some help from my mom and friends like clothes and things like that. For me it was just so many signs saying "Do it now!"
For me it was when my internal disharmony and emotional turmoil over my diphoria became too unbearable to handle anymore.
Alaina, just from looking at your picture, if we happen to meet on the street, I would assume that you were another woman and a beautiful woman at that. I can see why you were having trouble in boy mode, I too had the same problem but mine stretches clear back to when I was a baby. Even during my school years, I was teased about really being a girl and not a boy. As I got older, nearly everyone thought I really was a girl who wore boy's clothes, especially in my twenties and early thirties, no matter what I was wearing or how I looked I was always ma'amed.
My natural voice is actually in the higher portion of the crossover section of the female and male voice ranges, which was kind of hard in middle school when I tried to join the choir. Because of my voice, every so often, about 0.01% of the time, I get sir'd on the phone & the other 99.99% it is always ma'am.
I too was in between jobs, when I transitioned, in fact I was struggling to grow a self-employment business of mine. At one point, I interviewed for a position in male mode, I told the person about myself asking to be called by my female name and she had no problem with it. I told her that I would be back to see her dressed up so that she could see for herself and she said that that would be a good idea. So a couple of days later, I returned and when she saw me, she was real excited and happy for me, giving me all kinds of compliments, So when I reported to work later on that week, I went as my true-self, without any problems. No one else new but her and her staff at the temp agency know, and at work I was treat like & seen as just another female employee.
Girl Power, I was traveling a few years ago, and ended up having to change back into my male clothes to fix a problem I was having on the vehicle, when I finished I went into the men's, since it was somewhat crowded I received all kinds of stares & it was the most uncomfortable experience ever. Later on down the road we stopped to get something to eat, since I still in my male clothes I went into the men's room again, this time I didn't stay, no one was there but I was so grossed out by the look of the place, I went out and straight into the women's. Since then I have never been back to the men's room.
I wish everyone the best with your decisions on your time line to start your journey to a happier, truer you. Remember to always be true to yourself and in do time things will fall into place.
Hugs to everyone, Jessie Elizabeth
When I act more feminine I get mamed, amiga'ed and ect ect in boy mode.
I knew the time came when I just couldnt deal with a half and half existence, after I told my parents I been making plans for full time which I have set to climax May 1st of this year with a name change coming soon afterwards. Relinquishing my old name is probably going to be the scariest, if not slightly heart breaking part. I was named after a dead uncle so I sorta hafta carry that with me. I prefer when people use Rita, it makes me feel better :3
Hi girls
Thanks for everyone's replies
I'm kind of stuck between a rock and a hard place. Mentally I need to go full time. Everyday I pretend to be male I feel a part of me die. I'm worried what will happen to me. The other part of me knows its best to wait until my voice is ready and stick to my plan which was to go full time in June.
I'm so scared at the moment. I'm worried ill lose my job. I'm worried about my self.
Anyway thanks for listening and any further advice would be great
I too was going to wait for June/July, where I would be like 7-8 months on HRT and had like 7-8 laser sessions. I thought that was a good time.
But for me, I've gotten to a point in my dressing (skinny jeans, fem shirts) and appearance (hair extensions, pierced ears, shaped eyebrows, lack of much beard shadow plus the changes due to HRT) where I don't really pass as male very well. I'm in this sort of androgynous state and I feel more uncomfortable in public because I'm mentally in "boy mode" and use my male voice, since this is only for work, that it just feels like I might as well go full time now. I'm happier as I feminize more but it just makes me want to go full time more so I can be comfortable.
It's really only work left for me and I know my voice isn't perfect (another reason I wanted to wait) but it won't get perfect while I'm constantly switching context.
I've been on HRT for almost 5 months now and pass fairly well I think so I decided I'm going full time next week. If you feel like it and you feel you pass well enough to be comfortable, then go for it!
Think about all the situations that might be tricky though, like going to doctors and using your current name, I made sure to do those things first and get past them before I finally decided. Guess for me it was just a matter of being sure I'd be comfortable right now.
When I couldn't stand seeing myself dressed in the costume of a male any longer.
Scary question really. I don't really want to go full time before I pass, in particular in the workplace. As I've always been fairly androgynous, my dysphoria is bearable as long as I don't need to run around in a three piece suit with tie (although even that is doable for a day, I just imagine I'm acting...).
Issue is that our company actually has a policy that we have to inform management 3 months prior to social transition. So I'm scared that I may either shout wolf too early, or wait too long and be in all sorts of difficulties trying to pass in boy mode while being addressed as a woman by strangers even when presenting male. :-\
For me it just kind of gradually happened... Once I finally accepted that I needed to transition, I started actually going out as the real me, then gradually over time it got more and more common until it was almost as if the only time I ever presented in boy mode was for work... And then, maybe 6 months from the first time I actually left my house as Sarah, I went full time in work too.
For me it was when I was getting too many strange looks and misgenderings. I knew I was ready but I needed a little push, and that happened thanks to a course that I had asked the certificate to be printed in my new name at registration. Been the only female registered, I walked into the room, late, still in maleish clothes and the guy running the course said ah you must be Rachel, handed me the female locker room keys told me where the female toilets where. I turned up the next day as Rachel but conservative and increased the femininity of how I looked throughout the course; and that ended him forever! :)
There's a theme among a lot of posts in this thread that the right time to go fulltime is when you pass well in public.
I want to reassure our sisters who, for lots of reasons, may always have trouble passing:
It's OK to go fulltime if you don't pass.
Fulltime is not a privilege bestowed upon the passable while the non-passable are relegated to watching from the sidelines.
Women who find it hard to pass are just as female and it is just as appropriate for them to go fulltime.
Quote from: suzifrommd on April 18, 2013, 06:54:07 AM
There's a theme among a lot of posts in this thread that the right time to go fulltime is when you pass well in public.
I want to reassure our sisters who, for lots of reasons, may always have trouble passing:
It's OK to go fulltime if you don't pass.
Fulltime is not a privilege bestowed upon the passable while the non-passable are relegated to watching from the sidelines.
Women who find it hard to pass are just as female and it is just as appropriate for them to go fulltime.
I agree with this although some of use felt a little pushed into going full time because people assumed we were said gender it does not mean you can't go full time if you think you don't pass. Remember we are ower own worse critics anyways. You may not feel you pass yet many other may think differently and see you as said gender. Plus I think half of it is how you present yourself and attitude.
On the bathroom note thing though I had that happen to when I was presenting as male. It's scary being pushed in situations like that but as someone once told me for everything in life just act like you belong and never let them smell the fear :)
Rock on my trans sisters and brothers. We got this
For me, it's kinda gray. I considered myself fulltime the moment I got a job as myself.
I went full time after high school, due to being kicked out of the house, most friends and all family wanted nothing to do with me. I had nothing to my name aside from my car. When you have nothing to lose, there was no reason for me not to go for it. I also agree you can go full time even if you don't pass or aren't on hrt. I think you should do what makes you happiest so you can enjoy life and try to not care what others think about you since its not their business anyways.
When I couldnt take it anymore that my parents treated me as a boy, and my sister as a girl. I was a girl too. So I ran away from home, was gone for a day and a half, and was 9 years old.
But when you just cant take it anymore, whenever that is for you.
Well I call the number full time from my official name change day, but I was actually full time wearing female clothes and having not worn any male clothes at least 3 years before that having a fairly androgynous look with long hair and having had been on HRT at that point for 13 years was being gendered commonly female, the main thing I was afraid to start was public restrooms,
I was redirected several time to Women's restrooms before my ID had been changed since I had been on HRT so long.
Quote from: girl you look fierce on May 18, 2013, 06:12:53 PM
I went full time as soon as I had the freedom to present female, when I moved out of my parents' house... It takes extra work though to pass regularly not having hrt.
girl-why-u-not-on-hrt? I guess you don't really need it huh, I've seen some of your pics :)
I went full time when I realized I was full time. It just sorta happened and one day I was like... Wait a second... I'm full time!
Quote from: Jennygirl on May 18, 2013, 06:32:40 PM
I went full time when I realized I was full time. It just sorta happened and one day I was like... Wait a second... I'm full time!
You and me both! I'm pretty much full-time now and I don't think I really have a choice in the matter anymore. I don't think I pass as a guy at all. It's GREAAAAAT!
I just recently started living full-time. Like a number of the girls in this thread went full-time when I was passing in guy clothes. I hadn't gotten a 'sir' in over 2 months. I've wearing a bra for a while too. Before I even started HRT though I bought some skinny jeans that boosted my confidence and probably helped me pass when I wasn't trying. I took the leap just after my 31st birthday. I used to constantly worry about what complete strangers thought about me. I couldn't care less what they think now. It feels really good to shed those insecurities. I still worry about my voice a little. I think it's good enough for now and I'm making progress in improving it.
Quote from: Alainaluvsu on April 06, 2013, 08:36:11 PM
Deprogramming things you have ingrained into your brain for years takes a lot of learning.
I didn't need much deprogramming. I never tried to act male. I think I'd been more neural in my behavior than anything else.
Quote from: Alainaluvsu on April 06, 2013, 08:36:11 PM
For the record, I don't pass in like 80% of the photos I take of myself. Yall just see the 20% good.
True, I think I pass better in person than I do in photos. Cameras hate me. I think It's a conspiracy of the camera makers. JK ;D
There is a helluva lot of wisdom to be found on this thread. Going FT? Just like hormone changes, I believe YMMV.
I am roughly a half-year into HRT and have impulsively thought a few times "today's the day I go to HR". But sometime within the past month or two, it has occurred to me that my mental planning on all this was on a pre-described plan of what I was supposed to do. I don't know the date it happened, but it finally occurred to me that just taking the HRT, letting my hair grow, working on my female presentation, ALL of it...was a work in progress that only had a time limit that I'D impossed on it.
That realization has given me a since of peace and calmness. I'm not worried about how soon or delayed someone else transitioned because they are not me, and therefore did not have the same situation/success/failure/mental state/etc. that I have. I am simply happy every day to finally be working on the me I always wanted to be. That in and of itself is huge!
More to the point, let your own mind/heart be your guide. You know better than anyone what is likely or unlikely to be the next step. Good luck to you on your journey...I hope you have a bright and prosperous one! :)
Quote from: Jen I am on May 26, 2013, 07:01:23 PM
There is a helluva lot of wisdom to be found on this thread. Going FT? Just like hormone changes, I believe YMMV.
I am roughly a half-year into HRT and have impulsively thought a few times "today's the day I go to HR". But sometime within the past month or two, it has occurred to me that my mental planning on all this was on a pre-described plan of what I was supposed to do. I don't know the date it happened, but it finally occurred to me that just taking the HRT, letting my hair grow, working on my female presentation, ALL of it...was a work in progress that only had a time limit that I'D impossed on it.
That realization has given me a since of peace and calmness. I'm not worried about how soon or delayed someone else transitioned because they are not me, and therefore did not have the same situation/success/failure/mental state/etc. that I have. I am simply happy every day to finally be working on the me I always wanted to be. That in and of itself is huge!
More to the point, let your own mind/heart be your guide. You know better than anyone what is likely or unlikely to be the next step. Good luck to you on your journey...I hope you have a bright and prosperous one! :)
I'm really loving your post.
Quote from: girl you look fierce on May 27, 2013, 04:34:15 AM
Sorry I didn't mean to be confusing, I am on HRT now. Though it felt like I was not on HRT for the first year of FT anyway (and with my levels I basically wasn't).
I still made progress though. I look at pre-FT pics and see such an amazing difference despite not having really very many low-level changes at all. Part of that is because my old camera sucked (lol) but... it's not just that entirely :)
But yeah, presentation is SOOOO important. So so so important. Way more than HRT IMO. There is so much you can improve about your appearance without HRT. You can go FT much more comfortably from any physical starting point with good presentation.
:)
Yes, I could not agree more about presentation! And it also takes the most real work during a transition. Everything else is as easy as showing up to a doctor's office, going to a laser/electrolysis place, or sitting on the butt recovering from surgery. Presentation is really where most all of my effort goes into.
Obviously everyone is different.. whether they can be comfortable enough to go FT just from presentation alone or if they need some changes from hormones, too. Girl you look fierce, I think you are just incredibly lucky, honestly ;D
I'm not there yet because of my voice, though I'm sensing I'm going to be publicly forced to soon because while having only been on hrt for 4 months-ish, I had gotten mamed many times before in the past years because of the long hair. At the time still had a 3 o'clock shadow (yah, it was fast). That was from people looking at me in the bathroom washing my hands, and SOMETIMES from the front. I went to a group thing a few weeks ago where people are learning English, and EVERY one of them either thought I was a girl (until I opened my mouth) or wondered what I was (..they told me that..which was kind of weird). Mind you, my voice is stil SUPER deep and the apple is visible. What does it? Maybe the long hair and the sorta fem hairstyle (asian swoop bangs, ponytail is kinda high), regular guy t, and womens skinnies. No makeup either, but I don't have good skin...makeup is needed as well as a brow trim. I guess once I get my voice down it can happen in public, but the company I work at is super small. Scary.
All of the male workers (including the owner/manager) went to a coworkers house and the mother of that co worker called me mam in front of everyone. Hm, they thought it was funny, I tried to keep a straight face, my mind was "alright!' though getting mamed in front of your boss and coworkers when they don't know and for the first time (in their company) is quite embarrassing.
Quote from: smile_jma on June 17, 2013, 04:56:54 AM
I'm not there yet because of my voice, though I'm sensing I'm going to be publicly forced to soon because while having only been on hrt for 4 months-ish, I had gotten mamed many times before in the past years because of the long hair. At the time still had a 3 o'clock shadow (yah, it was fast). That was from people looking at me in the bathroom washing my hands, and SOMETIMES from the front. I went to a group thing a few weeks ago where people are learning English, and EVERY one of them either thought I was a girl (until I opened my mouth) or wondered what I was (..they told me that..which was kind of weird). Mind you, my voice is stil SUPER deep and the apple is visible. What does it? Maybe the long hair and the sorta fem hairstyle (asian swoop bangs, ponytail is kinda high), regular guy t, and womens skinnies. No makeup either, but I don't have good skin...makeup is needed as well as a brow trim. I guess once I get my voice down it can happen in public, but the company I work at is super small. Scary.
All of the male workers (including the owner/manager) went to a coworkers house and the mother of that co worker called me mam in front of everyone. Hm, they thought it was funny, I tried to keep a straight face, my mind was "alright!' though getting mamed in front of your boss and coworkers when they don't know and for the first time (in their company) is quite embarrassing.
Imagining myself in your shoes gives me butterflies in the stomach. Thanks for sharing. It's pretty cool even if it was embarrassing.
I would imagine it's the subtle changes of HRT combined with long hair. And after 4 months I would imagine you've got a few things going on under your shirt that might suggest "maam" as well? ;)
Actually, only if I wear a tight T are they visible and because of problem inside the neck ;) I try to hide them. They're tiny. My mom's are tiny, so go figure. Also, when we went to that coworker's house, I was only on for a month, so basically no changes. I think it was the hair and the small structure.
I honestly only see guy in my face. Maybe because its me. I'll see what I can do about the face pic. The last few self shots I took were really bad. I'm more of a privacy freak, but w/e. If I go out in public, there' no diff, is there? ;) I'd rather send it personally.
I prefer to wear the hair down, but thanks to WIND, it gets all tangled whenever I walk. Maybe I should slow down to a snails pace while walking.
Side note: My mom texted me today "Should I start referring to you as she? let me know when" which is nice.. but I'm not ready yet. So, that's going to have to wait when she talks to family friends. Kind of along the lines of public pressure to FT sooner than ready. I can't with this ->-bleeped-<-ty voice of mine.
Hi everyone
I thought I'd let you all know that I came out to work last Thursday. I've been wanting to do it for weeks but in the end it was unplanned. I decided about half through the day to write a letter to work and sat down with one if the bosses in the afternoon. He was shocked but understanding. Their taking a really professional approach to it and I will be completely full time as Emma when I go back to work in early July.
I'm so relived its done its like a huge weight has been lifted off me
Thanks much to everyone at Susan's for your advice it's helped so much
Emma
Quote from: Girl Power on June 18, 2013, 08:41:50 AM
Hi everyone
I thought I'd let you all know that I came out to work last Thursday. I've been wanting to do it for weeks but in the end it was unplanned. I decided about half through the day to write a letter to work and sat down with one if the bosses in the afternoon. He was shocked but understanding. Their taking a really professional approach to it and I will be completely full time as Emma when I go back to work in early July.
I'm so relived its done its like a huge weight has been lifted off me
Thanks much to everyone at Susan's for your advice it's helped so much
Emma
That is
wonderful! And so great that you can be full time so soon! I bet you'll really flourish now :)
Emma's wonderful news and shared experience is another good look at transitioning and how we feel about it. I did not feel it was "right" to go full time, I just knew I could not go back to acting like a man and keep my sanity. I waited too long and repressed myself too well and when I finally accepted being trans I was full time the next month without HRT support.
Thank you to those inclusive supporters who recognize full time is not necessarily about passing. I will probably never be that passable and feel just fine about becoming that more feminine person of my shadows and dreams. I love my new girly clothes but its whats between my ears that allows me to be a comfortable and proud transgender person.
Tessa James
I'm terrified of telling coworkers, especially since 90% of them are male. Good for you.
it time to go full time when you feel cant carry on as male. i havnt started hormones yet (thinking about just anti androgen for about september time) and im struggling to use mens toilets or changing rooms now so disabled toilets at the moment for me, every evening when im on my own im practicing speech exercises. my biggest problem is being female in my home town where people know me but every weekend we go shopping 35 mile down the road where no one knows me and i feel 100% comfortable and confident as a female (you should see the massive smile on my face every weekend when we go out)
Before setting a date of my first day of RLE, I had a half year of laser hair removals done. I followed speech therapy and commenced to use it the first day of my RLE contineously with a lot of ups and downs.
Prior to my RLE, I also had some mini-RLE's done as experiment.
I believe it would help your RLE if you had finished your speech therapy and at least a few sessions of laser hair removal done. It might help you a lot (it did to me!)
I went fulltime as soon as I graduated from school. I would get ma'amd quite often in male mode, but finishing school and living in a different country kept me from going fulltime. Once I graduated and moved back to Canada, I came out to the rest of family and friends I hadn't told at that point, and have been fulltime since.