Quote from: Alainaluvsu on April 06, 2013, 11:48:05 AM
When people started having trouble seeing me as a boy even when I was presenting as a boy, that's when I knew full time was then. Looking back though, I was still a bit in between for a few months after I went full time... at least compared to where I'm at now. But I was ready because I just got fired from work, I had a couple new friends that met me as Alaina, and I just started my laser... so it was the perfect time to change my name legally and just go full blast.
Sounds counter intuitive to be unemployed and transition at the same time because of money issues... but I was (and still am) getting unemployment, and was getting student loans to pay for some things, along with some help from my mom and friends like clothes and things like that. For me it was just so many signs saying "Do it now!"
For me it was when my internal disharmony and emotional turmoil over my diphoria became too unbearable to handle anymore.
Alaina, just from looking at your picture, if we happen to meet on the street, I would assume that you were another woman and a beautiful woman at that. I can see why you were having trouble in boy mode, I too had the same problem but mine stretches clear back to when I was a baby. Even during my school years, I was teased about really being a girl and not a boy. As I got older, nearly everyone thought I really was a girl who wore boy's clothes, especially in my twenties and early thirties, no matter what I was wearing or how I looked I was always ma'amed.
My natural voice is actually in the higher portion of the crossover section of the female and male voice ranges, which was kind of hard in middle school when I tried to join the choir. Because of my voice, every so often, about 0.01% of the time, I get sir'd on the phone & the other 99.99% it is always ma'am.
I too was in between jobs, when I transitioned, in fact I was struggling to grow a self-employment business of mine. At one point, I interviewed for a position in male mode, I told the person about myself asking to be called by my female name and she had no problem with it. I told her that I would be back to see her dressed up so that she could see for herself and she said that that would be a good idea. So a couple of days later, I returned and when she saw me, she was real excited and happy for me, giving me all kinds of compliments, So when I reported to work later on that week, I went as my true-self, without any problems. No one else new but her and her staff at the temp agency know, and at work I was treat like & seen as just another female employee.
Girl Power, I was traveling a few years ago, and ended up having to change back into my male clothes to fix a problem I was having on the vehicle, when I finished I went into the men's, since it was somewhat crowded I received all kinds of stares & it was the most uncomfortable experience ever. Later on down the road we stopped to get something to eat, since I still in my male clothes I went into the men's room again, this time I didn't stay, no one was there but I was so grossed out by the look of the place, I went out and straight into the women's. Since then I have never been back to the men's room.
I wish everyone the best with your decisions on your time line to start your journey to a happier, truer you. Remember to always be true to yourself and in do time things will fall into place.
Hugs to everyone, Jessie Elizabeth
