So, this is something I've been pretty curious about and learning a lot more about over the last couple months.
With my latest project, I've been researching transgender investors and other trans specific organizations that are set up to help combat the gross discrimination our segment faces.
What I found out is... well... there aren't any.
I also found some articles covering the subject. That the more successful trans people are stealth, and they disassociate themselves from "the community". I also see the divided attitude a lot in other places... and have even been confronted with people who are trans and say they have no responsibility towards other trans people and helping someone succeed just because they are trans is wrong.
I don't know, just seems pretty odd to me. It isn't like discrimination or the lack of opportunity for trans people is something that is unknown or questioned (( http://transequality.org/PDFs/Executive_Summary.pdf (http://transequality.org/PDFs/Executive_Summary.pdf) )).
So, I just don't get why there aren't more proactive trans things lead by successful trans people? No funds. No grants. No anything.
I'm not even talking for surgery or anything transition related (which we know is expensive in itself). I'm just talking about helping each other rise professionally.
The best there seem to be is women specific funds. Or wider LGBT funds. Which, I guess is better than nothing. But, really, you would think trans specific would be there too (since trans face WAY higher discrimination issues).
Well, in my state we have the Maryland Coalition for Trans equality (http://mdtransequality.org/ (http://mdtransequality.org/)).
But to answer your question, I think a lot of trans women and trans men don't want continual reminders that they are trans women and trans men. They just want to think of themselves as women and men.
Don't assume because someone is living stealth that it means they don't contribute to the community.
There are millions of ways to contribute anonymously.
Someone could donate thousands to an lgb t group without disclosing there identity, therefor you'd never know they were trans.
Or many many trans guys and girls anonymously run blogs and support sites helping trans people.
I even know a guy on tumblr, who got his whole top surgery funded by an anonymous trans brother.
Most of us don't like the media attention.
We want to live as ordinary folks, nothing special or unique about us.
If you're comfortable with everyone knowing you're trans than awesome.
Let people know and educate them without being anonymous.
But that's not the case for most of us.
Quote from: suzifrommd on April 08, 2013, 05:26:04 PM
But to answer your question, I think a lot of trans women and trans men don't want continual reminders that they are trans women and trans men. They just want to think of themselves as women and men.
+11111
Well, there is groups who deal with trans folks only but most groups are connected with the GLBT as a whole and not the trans issue only.
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I think it depends on your personal view on how you see it, if your personal invold or not.
to make it very black and white I could say there is 2 groups
theres a group who go thought transition and they feel somehow the need to pay back to the comunety or to help others as they been helped, a get and give moral. I cant speak for averyone but I think its not abnormal that many of those things of the transpeople as part of there people, some of them even as famely.
theres also a group who go thought transition but they dont feel they need to pay anything back to anyone, they dont feel they need to help and for a guess I think they dont have as strongly a connection with other trans people as the group above so they rather use there energy on other things than on "random people who tend to be in the same situation"
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beside those 2 theres sure many exeptions of people who somehow cant suport or where its very risky or difficult and bla bla..
I have a teori that trans comunetys who face less fights often got alot more transpeople, but also more transpeople who take there transition for granted and just leave, while in comunetys who face more difficult problems its often less people who is open due to fear, but those who is there often get more connected and into activism.
Idk ? I don't tend to get along with other trans girl that I know in my Area. The two I know told me how unfair it was that I got to transition and have surgeries so fast and my h younger than them and it should have been them getting srs. After that conversation that was it. Now Susan's is the only trans interaction I have for the must part. But everyone in the site is cool and chill so I really can't tell you why?
I'm working on it! https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/board,399.0.html (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/board,399.0.html)
If I ever become independently wealthy, I'd create a "front organization" to help trans-people, with education assist, some basic living support, perhaps even a low-cost group insurance (wouldn't cover the surgeries, though; "low-cost" and "surgeries" don't go together LOL)
Of course I'd be anonymous, and the org would be headed by qualified people, either TG themselves, or 100% TG-friendly.
(This is offered as an idea to anyone who is already independently wealthy, and just can't figure out what to do)
Oh, you can honor me later, I'm not into accolades. ;-)
Individually I think we do stick together and help one another out.
Quote from: Orihime on April 08, 2013, 06:22:06 PM
Individually I think we do stick together and help one another out.
That has not been my experience with my local group. In fact, when I asked one of my group for the number to where she gets electrolysis, I was told she was afraid she'd lose hours with her if she took on yet another client -- and she wouldn't give me any information. Same with therapists.
I'm only in therapy now (and getting set up with HRT) due to an old ad I left on a therapy website that my therapist found shortly after I was on here complaining about how things suck around here in Upstate SC. She e-mailed me, set up an appointment, and hooked me up with an endocrinologist. Waiting on the call from them for HRT... but this is all separate from the so-called support group here. What I've noticed here is that their fear and their needs, in their minds, were more important than the possibility of me losing it and going cliff diving with no safety precautions.
But I don't think that's okay, so I've already given my therapist's name and number to people I know who are in the same situation here. I don't like being the hopeless bitchy type, and I don't like seeing other people that way either... so I help where I can. That's all I can do.
Quote from: luna on April 08, 2013, 06:43:01 PM
That has not been my experience with my local group. In fact, when I asked one of my group for the number to where she gets electrolysis, I was told she was afraid she'd lose hours with her if she took on yet another client -- and she wouldn't give me any information. Same with therapists.
I'm only in therapy now (and getting set up with HRT) due to an old ad I left on a therapy website that my therapist found shortly after I was on here complaining about how things su
Let's see...
There's about a dozen Equality Parades attended whilst I was in Poland, I was also one of the people behind TransParty in Warsaw which helped to raise awareness in Poland on trans issues..
I've had several tours of my plays in Iran for which I haven't received a single cent.
So many evenings spent sending countless e-mails to various figures, the times I've picketed outside Westminster.. places like the Russian Embassy..
The two or so years of working alongside campaigners such as Peter Tatchell in the UK
I think we're talking about something approaching fifteen years of quite a lot of LGBT and human rights activism
This isn't that much either, nor am I the only one. There's loads of transgendered activists and campaigners out there.
You don't really have to look that far to find us.
I'm sure we could even find a place for you if you ever found the bottle to come and join us on the front line at a march or rally or picket.
Quote from: Rabbit on April 08, 2013, 05:14:30 PM
So, this is something I've been pretty curious about and learning a lot more about over the last couple months.
With my latest project, I've been researching transgender investors and other trans specific organizations that are set up to help combat the gross discrimination our segment faces.
What I found out is... well... there aren't any.
I also found some articles covering the subject. That the more successful trans people are stealth, and they disassociate themselves from "the community". I also see the divided attitude a lot in other places... and have even been confronted with people who are trans and say they have no responsibility towards other trans people and helping someone succeed just because they are trans is wrong.
I don't know, just seems pretty odd to me. It isn't like discrimination or the lack of opportunity for trans people is something that is unknown or questioned (( http://transequality.org/PDFs/Executive_Summary.pdf (http://transequality.org/PDFs/Executive_Summary.pdf) )).
So, I just don't get why there aren't more proactive trans things lead by successful trans people? No funds. No grants. No anything.
I'm not even talking for surgery or anything transition related (which we know is expensive in itself). I'm just talking about helping each other rise professionally.
The best there seem to be is women specific funds. Or wider LGBT funds. Which, I guess is better than nothing. But, really, you would think trans specific would be there too (since trans face WAY higher discrimination issues).
I may be connecting dots that aren't there, but are you trying to find transgender specific groups or individuals to finance your gaming efforts?
QuoteIf I ever become independently wealthy, I'd create a "front organization" to help trans-people, with education assist, some basic living support, perhaps even a low-cost group insurance (wouldn't cover the surgeries, though; "low-cost" and "surgeries" don't go together LOL)
If I had the resources, my biggest focus would probably be education and business. Basically, if you have a large segment of people who are discriminated from rising as easily within organizations... give them the tools to rise outside of them (and look at it as investments, since that type of investing you would have ever larger numbers of successful trans people popping up and feeling as if they owed the same type of thing back to others).
QuoteI think we're talking about something approaching fifteen years of quite a lot of LGBT and human rights activism
Ohhh, I wasn't talking about activism (which is great of course). I meant more support in raising trans people up professionally. Funds and other programs designed specifically with an eye towards business. (Of which there are a lot for other groups, just non I've found as trans specific).
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on April 08, 2013, 07:51:26 PM
I may be connecting dots that aren't there, but are you trying to find transgender specific groups or individuals to finance your gaming efforts?
That's what I've been researching for lately :) Looking into the entire climate for investing and start ups and other types of things like that. Especially if I shift the game more heavily into activism (which, I think games can be an extremely powerful source for).
Also, posting on various lgbt sources and with the entire being more public thing I've been reading responses from people have towards me (both trans and non trans).
I'll ask you the uncomfortable question a lender would ask: "By appealing to a niche market, aren't you limiting your sales potential and future growth?"
I think a more in-depth research will show you that there are literally thousand of transgender individuals who donate time and moneys to better the lives of fellow tg/ts.
Here, this forum is a testimony to Susan's devotion to help tg/ts individual. Susan, her family, and many members of Susan's forum put monies and hours of their time in keeping this forum up and running to the benefit of us all, cis and trans people.
Heres is the link to the Jim Collins foundation, http://jimcollinsfoundation.org/, (http://jimcollinsfoundation.org/,) which grants SRS for TS individuals who otherwise cannot afford it. The Jim Collins foundation is funded by patrons many of which are TS/TG themselves.
I can go on and on but you know what girl, you have work to do :police:
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on April 08, 2013, 08:11:37 PM
I'll ask you the uncomfortable question a lender would ask: "By appealing to a niche market, aren't you limiting your sales potential and future growth?"
That's the thing, it isn't a niche market. Indie games are HUGE business (especially given the recent success of games like Binding of Isaac , Braid, Super Meat Boy, or one that resembles Bloom very much, Bastion). All of those are making many many many millions. The thing is, indie games aren't about "sameness", the "artsy" style of Bloom along with the themes are huge draws for people who buy indie games (since they are specifically looking for new and different).
Also, given how I've been able to cut through the noise with just a tiny bit of alpha game play and concept art... it is a pretty safe bet that when this gets finished, it will get lots of attention (and, sony and microsoft are both interested in it). I even have a pretty famous PR firm that said they love the project and are there for me when I get to release (the ones who marketed temple run...which also made many many millions hehe).
Soooo, basically, if I make it... it makes a lot of money :P
Quote from: peky on April 08, 2013, 08:25:32 PM
I think a more in-depth research will show you that there are literally thousand of transgender individuals who donate time and moneys to better the lives of fellow tg/ts.
Ohhh yea, I didn't mean to say all trans people aren't doing anything :P I'm more talking about specifically business advancement (which is what I've been researching lately).
Funds to help with surgery seem more like "giving a person a fish"...than "teaching a person to fish".
Quote from: Rabbit on April 08, 2013, 08:32:16 PM
Ohhh yea, I didn't mean to say all trans people aren't doing anything :P I'm more talking about specifically business advancement (which is what I've been researching lately).
Funds to help with surgery seem more like "giving a person a fish"...than "teaching a person to fish".
I understand what you're saying, but I like to think of it as giving them the lifetime to fish. No sense teaching someone in the desert how to fish.
For what it's worth I do help. I give voice feminization lessons for a reasonable fee around my area as well as coaching/trans empowerment meetups for free when I have the time.
I have to totally disagree with the premise of trans folks as a whole do not help others. Also lumping LGBT organizations in is also a bit unfair. Especially when more often than not, T is for token. Trans specific support organizations are rare. Most, perhaps all, are geared towards the basics of life and transitioning. A many year long and difficult process.
As SuzifromMD mentioned, there are TG specific organizations in MD, also my current almost home. THere is also the Whitman Walker clinic in DC that all my group members praise for all the help and guidance they provide. Both medical and with the burocracy.
I know in NJ, my home state, there is a network of lawyers helping TGs.
As far as business goes, I believe she is the head of Gender Rights MD, Sharron Brackett, is also a small business owner that hires only trans people.
In my TG group I do not think there is any active member who will not do all they can to help another member. This even extends to the work world with resume and interview skills. Even helping with coping skills like balancing jobs, time and expenses.
I am not a big fan of the term stealth as all emcompassing. I tend to divide full-time fully transitioned TSs into three camps. Deep stealth, stealth, and public. The simple fact is just about all late-transitioners cannot be deep-stealth. Meaning everyone short of immediate family members do not know your history. I put my wife in the deep stealth class having gone full-time in her 20's as well as moving out of state. Back in the 70's-80's that was the best option to preserve your life. Stealth to me means yes I am trans but I just want to go about my life keeping a relatively low profile. Yes, others know but no need to constantly broadcast it. Public are the advocates which vary in intensity. For the most part they are very up-front about being trans.
Any person who is working for a living, trying to keep a family and social life, and paying bills winds up with very little free time for much else. Grown ups lead boring lives. Yet in my TG group many are pro-active. They do outreach to various schools. We have been doing an annual TDOR vigil for about 7 years now? We tend to go to area LGBT public events such as last years rallies for the marriage bill. Though I basically have a very negative cash flow I still gave a donation to a MD PFLAG group which has a totally amazing group involved with it. I am sure I wasn't alone.
I have noticed something like this too, but there are great places (such as here) to talk and learn. All the LGBT organizations I visited, I was the first trans person to come. It was really strange as they didn't know what to do. So I have never met a trans person in person before. Let alone make any friends. I would definitely like to start something, even if it was small, in my area.
I think it depends on the person. Some people just want to live their lives and not volunteer their time as an activist. They may do this to remain stealth or because they are just living incredibly busy lives. Others just don't really care about improving conditions for others However, I know women - even those in stealth- that have provided a helping hand to their fellow trans sisters. That's the thing about any group. They are made up of individuals who vary greatly in personality.
We do help each other thru 'Networking' which works the same in this community as in any other. The more you go to different local group meetings, message boards, rallies e.g. marches, community awareness events and multiple group conferences the more connections you make. The cavet, you have to participate and you have to talk to people to build these relationships up. That can take a bit of time or sometimes it happens in the course of a few hours depending on how people interact. There are also lists of Transgender friendly businesses on line, but one has to do the searching to find out if these companies are hiring in ones own area. My nails have been broken and bloody and that may have made me seem somewhat less then compassionate at times but I believe one needs to fight for what they wont. If not only to prove to themself that they truly are commited to their path in life and ready to travel down it but because life has a way of chewing up and spitting out those without focus and conviction, Employers can sense it in people if they have been in the game a while. Thusly we come back to the begining; the more networking you can do in person the better you will become interacting with others as your true self and when you do have an interview you will be able to project yourself better and with confidence.
As far as the girl not giving you the info, some areas are severly limited on services such as Therapists, Endos and Electroysis that are friendly which makes it hard to get appoitments when 'you' wont and within a distance you can travel. With that said I still think it would be rude to covet the information I had on them from some one in need. There are many groups in NYS that will help some are Transgender oriented others are LGBT. There is just no clearing house for 'Transgender jobs' or openly Transgender hiring only businesses, which would be a form of descrimination in and of it self.
:) Love me or hate me. ....sings... 'What I am is what I am.. are you what you are --or what.. ohh I'm not aware of too many things. ... I know what I know if you know what I mean..' ;)
Quote from: Lorri Kat on April 08, 2013, 10:27:46 PMAs far as the girl not giving you the info, some areas are severly limited on services such as Therapists, Endos and Electroysis that are friendly which makes it hard to get appoitments when 'you' wont and within a distance you can travel. With that said I still think it would be rude to covet the information I had on them from some one in need. There are many groups in NYS that will help some are Transgender oriented others are LGBT. There is just no clearing house for 'Transgender jobs' or openly Transgender hiring only businesses, which would be a form of descrimination in and of it self.
I'm in such an area, and I felt jilted by my support group and their blatant inability to share even the slightest bit of information for an unfounded fear of losing something. I know several people in this area in the same position I'm in. I've already given them my therapist's information. She might be overbooked, but she might know other therapists that can help -- given that she's helped other transgender folk in numerous situations. And if I lose some appointments, so what?
Now I'm trying to join a new support group, more recently formed, that somehow has 7 times the membership but much fewer resources. Given that they try to share what they do have, they're obviously more focused on inclusive behavior than exclusivity within their own clique of a few key people. It isn't fair to call yourself a support group and then withhold everything important and helpful, especially in an area like this.
Coming back, just out of straightforward curiosity.. why does the help have to come from someone trans?
Why can't it come from someone who isn't trans?
Quote from: Rabbit on April 08, 2013, 08:06:02 PM
Ohhh, I wasn't talking about activism (which is great of course). I meant more support in raising trans people up professionally. Funds and other programs designed specifically with an eye towards business. (Of which there are a lot for other groups, just non I've found as trans specific).
I belive every "professionally works" start in activism when we speak minoritys at least thats how I see it.
Someone get an idea to suport someone/something, go activism about it, and if they get big enough they start to become somehow of a more profecional status. (like in the movie MILK you see how its build from nothing to something) I dont think you can expect much of companys who dosent have anything to do with LGBT, after all, the world depends on Money and votes, and usunally theres not enough votes or money in transgender folks to make it a focus.
Quote from: luna on April 09, 2013, 02:53:07 AM
I'm in such an area, and I felt jilted by my support group and their blatant inability to share even the slightest bit of information for an unfounded fear of losing something. I know several people in this area in the same position I'm in. I've already given them my therapist's information. She might be overbooked, but she might know other therapists that can help -- given that she's helped other transgender folk in numerous situations. And if I lose some appointments, so what?
I been in pretty much the same situation but my country also very tense about those things cause we got an overpower who have tried to make things like getting homones from your doctor illigal and all kind of things and now its like 50%legal and 50%illigal.
that means when you go to an doctor its all a tense game, you know your doctor is in a risk to in worst caise loose his job if he have to many transgender patients, you also know that some of the transgender patients need a doctor. So your to gamble abit on what you morally belive is best, and somethimes I had refused information to 1 transperson but because I dont want to help but because I know if I help this 1 person it could mean I + maybe 200 other transpeople would be out of homones or something, and this could even also be this 1 person as well.
alot of transgender folks have been angry on that, ex my doctor refuse to take in people less than 18 which I sure also hate and many of the people less than 18 hate as well, but I know its because if he do it he will lose his job and me + everyone ells who take homones will be forced to to find another doctor in or outside the country.
I also had to refuse a guy who wanted to make a program to help transgenders on finding doctors in diffrent countrys and place and I told him I would not give him any information, its not because im selfish and dont want others to know, but because currently we are in a political fight which mean that if I out to many names I + alot of other people could get in big trouble.
I dont try to defend her not giving you the apointment, I just say that in certain area/countrys this is also the caise that you need to be very carefull all the time. I belive the only thing you can do to help this situation is to go agenst the Real problem as the reason why she wont hand you the information.
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Quote from: StellaB on April 09, 2013, 05:09:31 AM
Coming back, just out of straightforward curiosity.. why does the help have to come from someone trans?
Why can't it come from someone who isn't trans?
sure cisgenders can help as well, but I belive most people prefern transgender because then they know there in somehow a "safezone" of not having to answer ignorant questions and such thing.
many cisgenders are cool with transpeople but still rather low in advice and understanding compared to a transperson, not to say everyone is, there is cisgender who is well informated as well and I dont see problems in them being apart, some of the most hardworking people I been around for the trans activism have been cisgenders.
Quote from: StellaB on April 09, 2013, 05:09:31 AM
Coming back, just out of straightforward curiosity.. why does the help have to come from someone trans?
Why can't it come from someone who isn't trans?
In short, it could. The issue is though that most non-transgendered people do not really understand the internal complexities that we deal with. While they may be compassionate and sympathetic to ones situation they truly cannot offer any empathetic assistance. Its like a person who has never been around or raised kids giving a parental advise. They may believe they have an understanding about how things are but no functional or practial knowlege of how things are in reality day to day.
Transgender groups help in that they can offer this empathy as well as advise to TGs that are just starting out or at different stages in transition because many memebers have been there before. Some TGs that are new to groups and being outside of their house or room even are scared ->-bleeped-<-less at even being around others like them. I think some of us forget to a degree just how terrified we were when we first started venturing out because we have been out so long and know that many of the fears we had were baseless, allthough my first 'drive' out 30 years ago is still tattooed into my memory just as vivid as if it happened yesterday. For that reason I can understand and help new people as I know their fear,anxiety, excitement is very real to them. Some literally cannot stop shaking. This is where its good if a group as a person that can help TG's that are out for the first time in public. A group I belong to has an 'Outreach Coordinator' whos function is to help new TGs by talking to them before meetings or events to help facilitate them in attending and litteraly staying with them thruout the function to help on the spot should they have any issues come up as well as make introductions. Usually after a couple of outtings these new TGs will start to 'fly' on their own, embracing their new found freedom and life. All for one and one for all.
LGBT groups tend to have fewer TGs at meetings and would have a harder time helping with some issues related to transition simply because 'like people' tend to be able to help each other better. I know some do not quite know how to take or deal with us(TGs) still, even though we were part of the Stonewall riots which could be considered the start of the battle for acceptance and equality for LGBT, but many do. Any help is better the no help but there are distinct benefits from being around others that understand life from a TG point of view.
Because trans people, to some, are NOT a community. Or should not be. The view that we are an "oppressed" kind that should stick together is not universal.
I don't have a definite opinion, but I do understand this point of view. To be trans is to want to be "normal" in some way or another. There are circumstances, but in an ideal world, what trans person doesn't wish they were born "normal", as in, the right gender? It's not too far-fetched to think that a community doesn't make sense then, because you're not blending in as your condition sort of says you should want to.
One could also say that since the goal is normalcy - that is, to make being trans more normal and not a reason for discrimination whatsoever, as homosexuality is increasingly becoming - making a community or acting as one goes against the purpose. I very much understand the point that if you want something to be accepted, to become normal and okay, you should act like it's normal yourself. In the same way that teaching a child that "homosexuality is special, not really normal and heterosexuality is what's normal, BUT homosexuality is totally okay regardless" is going to be heaps less effective than teaching them that "people date people, regardless of gender, and some have a preference for one gender or another".
Basically, it's another view of how to make things better. As opposed to "we should stick together and fight", some think "we should just banalize it, instead of confronting people, and things will come together eventually".
I'm not saying this is right or wrong, or better or worse. I'm not very sure, myself. Just saying that's most likely one of the main reasons. And that it's not NECESSARILY wrong.
Also, even if we do consider that trans people are a community, there's also the lack of altruism/egoism to take into account. In the same way not every poor person who became rich will help those who are still poor, not all sad trans people who became happy will help those who are still sad.
A lot of people probably just don't want reminding of their past. I could understand that :-)
Over 40% suicide rate leads me to believe this community needs to reach out and help more then ever. Our paths are our own to travel and I would never imply one is better or worse. I got over being outed by association after just a short bit and choose to help when needed or asked. I could just never let someone remain swallowed up by and hidden in the darkness alone as I once was. We ARE a community of sisters and brothers! Even if not all believe or accept that premise.
Where did you come up with the "over 40%" suicide rate?
I don't believe it.
I understood the number to be in the forties, perhaps that is the attempted rate. I was under the impression that the O/P was referring to financial aid for business purposes.
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on April 09, 2013, 07:15:36 PM
I understood the number to be in the forties, perhaps that is the attempted rate. I was under the impression that the O/P was referring to financial aid for business purposes.
Yes attempted. http://www.nbcnews.com/id/40279043/ns/health-health_care/t/transgender-americans-face-high-suicide-risk/ (http://www.nbcnews.com/id/40279043/ns/health-health_care/t/transgender-americans-face-high-suicide-risk/)
There are no Federal grants for starting a for-profit business. ....ok....there are a few but they are for very specific target groups and business. http://grants.gov/ (http://grants.gov/)
The SBA(small business administration) will help in securing loans but that is still predicaited on you qualifying for a loan with a banking institution. http://www.sba.gov/category/navigation-structure/loans-grants/small-business-loans/sba-loan-programs/7a-loan-program# (http://www.sba.gov/category/navigation-structure/loans-grants/small-business-loans/sba-loan-programs/7a-loan-program#) main page: http://www.sba.gov/ (http://www.sba.gov/)
States may have grants for special intrest groups e.g. women, veterans, disabled, minorities, ect. One would have to check for their state. Don't hold your breath.
You can check your area for a Gay and Lesbian business association as well.
100% financing is long gone.
I hate to say it and I'll probably raise eyebrows by doing so.. but lots of times I don't want to be bothered by certain trans issues. I don't want to sound obnoxious or stuck up, but it gets tiring listening to the same thing over and over. It's to the point where I just want some friends that don't have these issues. My roommate is trans, my other one is a gay cis man, most of my friends are trans so I'm surrounded by it (LGBT) every day. It gets tiring enough hearing "I got clocked" or "Someone was staring at me" every day..
I'd love some (more) friends who are past the awkwardness of transitioning or who aren't even in the LGBT at all. It's sad to say, but whenever my roommate wants me to meet someone, I ask them if they're trans because most of us are train wrecks (I hate to say). It's hard to find one that has passed the awkwardness and is just living day to day as any other person. Usually, my trans friends aren't passing and are pretty messed up about it... or have not one ounce of femininity in their whole character (which is fine with me, but omg it's awkward in public or with some of my other friends...), or are beginning the process so they have a zillion questions to ask.
But I do still help. I help my roommate out with advice, I share my experiences with hormones and what I went through at first with them, give tips on how to pass better, attend meetings, etc etc. It just gets tiring and somewhat depressing to do at times. I wouldn't doubt that I was put on the earth to help this way somehow, but it can get repetitive for sure...
Most trans people aren't in a position to help other tans people.
In my own experience I struggle just keeping myself afloat mentally and financially. I do what I can volunteering my heart and mind to others when I can spare it but it wears my already burdened self down. Most of the trans people I've met through support groups in the area are extremely socially awkward or obnoxious and I feel embarrassed around them. I know that's wrong in a way and maybe i'm being judgemental but I can't help it :-\ In a way it's not so much their fault as they are a product of their environments.
The best I can do is be a shining example to the cis community that I come in contact with and destroy stereotypes and misconceptions in the hope that it will make future trans girls lives at least a little bit easier 8)
Quote from: Alainaluvsu on April 09, 2013, 09:47:39 PM
I hate to say it and I'll probably raise eyebrows by doing so.. but lots of times I don't want to be bothered by certain trans issues. I don't want to sound obnoxious or stuck up, but it gets tiring listening to the same thing over and over. It's to the point where I just want some friends that don't have these issues. My roommate is trans, my other one is a gay cis man, most of my friends are trans so I'm surrounded by it (LGBT) every day. It gets tiring enough hearing "I got clocked" or "Someone was staring at me" every day..
I'd love some (more) friends who are past the awkwardness of transitioning or who aren't even in the LGBT at all. It's sad to say, but whenever my roommate wants me to meet someone, I ask them if they're trans because most of us are train wrecks (I hate to say). It's hard to find one that has passed the awkwardness and is just living day to day as any other person. Usually, my trans friends aren't passing and are pretty messed up about it... or have not one ounce of femininity in their whole character (which is fine with me, but omg it's awkward in public or with some of my other friends...), or are beginning the process so they have a zillion questions to ask.
But I do still help. I help my roommate out with advice, I share my experiences with hormones and what I went through at first with them, give tips on how to pass better, attend meetings, etc etc. It just gets tiring and somewhat depressing to do at times. I wouldn't doubt that I was put on the earth to help this way somehow, but it can get repetitive for sure...
What she said. If I can get past transition, I just want to live a normal life like everyone else. I try to help people now, where I can but I just don't have the mental energy to live in the "trans chaos" any longer than I have to. I have met some wonderful friends through this experience and I know they are lifelong friends but I just don't think I can stay in the "entry level" support for very many more years.
As far as venture capital goes, if you have a good business plan or product: it doesn't matter if you are trans or not.
Quote from: MaidofOrleans on April 09, 2013, 10:06:24 PM
The best I can do is be a shining example to the cis community that I come in contact with and destroy stereotypes and misconceptions in the hope that it will make future trans girls lives at least a little bit easier 8)
That's exactly what I want to do. But it's kinda bittersweet to hear "I never would've guessed it... every other ->-bleeped-<- I've met is really just a boy in a dress but you're really a chick."
And yes, they really say every other ->-bleeped-<-....
My therapist said 'don't go near the TS groups', for pretty much the reasons already discussed. Instead, she gave me contact details for four of her other clients whose situations were, or had been similar to mine (asking them if that was OK first, of course).
Of the four, one didn't respond (yet). Another called me and we talked but there were aspects of her situation I couldn't relate to, so that didn't go any further. but she was sweet and willing to help give any advice and encouragement that she could. The third was incredibly kind. We had a long phone chat and exchanged several long emails. She couldn't have been kinder. And the fourth was also a great correspondent and then we met up for lunch and really had a great conversation.
So I would say that I have received an incredible amount of help and moral support from MTFs. One other TS friend I have is fun and helpful, but also says that she finds it really hard to go over all the stuff that she spent years dealing with. It puts her back in a place she doesn't want to revisit, and I think that's fine, too. She's a good friend in lots of other ways, and really, I don't have a right to expect her to give me extra gender therapy for free!
One other thing: all the women I've been in touch with from this forum have been absolutely wonderful: open, kind and generous. Thank you, ladies! :)
Quote from: MaidofOrleans on April 09, 2013, 10:06:24 PM
Most trans people aren't in a position to help other tans people.
In my own experience I struggle just keeping myself afloat mentally and financially. I do what I can volunteering my heart and mind to others when I can spare it but it wears my already burdened self down. Most of the trans people I've met through support groups in the area are extremely socially awkward or obnoxious and I feel embarrassed around them. I know that's wrong in a way and maybe i'm being judgemental but I can't help it :-\ In a way it's not so much their fault as they are a product of their environments.
The best I can do is be a shining example to the cis community that I come in contact with and destroy stereotypes and misconceptions in the hope that it will make future trans girls lives at least a little bit easier 8)
what she said. My counsellor said yesterday i should give myself credit for keeping it all together. I will do my best to support others but we all have varying issues we face simply by being born different. X
Quote from: MaidofOrleans on April 09, 2013, 10:06:24 PM
Most trans people aren't in a position to help other tans people.
In my own experience I struggle just keeping myself afloat mentally and financially. I do what I can volunteering my heart and mind to others when I can spare it but it wears my already burdened self down. Most of the trans people I've met through support groups in the area are extremely socially awkward or obnoxious and I feel embarrassed around them. I know that's wrong in a way and maybe i'm being judgemental but I can't help it :-\ In a way it's not so much their fault as they are a product of their environments.
The best I can do is be a shining example to the cis community that I come in contact with and destroy stereotypes and misconceptions in the hope that it will make future trans girls lives at least a little bit easier 8)
This +1000. Most of my local trans friends are barely able to make ends meet as is. One reason is the financial reason alone, they just do not have enough disposable income to part with.
Also speaking purely on behalf of myself, I was pretty much entirely stealth preop, now that I'm postop, new name, new most everything... I really don't want to go around advertising my past.
I liken it to the movie GATTACA where Ethan Hawke jumps thru every hope there is in order to fly to Titan (The largest moon of Saturn and the most likely place for life to exist outside Earth). Anyhoo, once he escaped his past he didn't go around helping others. To do so, would out himself and destroy his dream. A great book to read is Half-life by Shelley Jackson. It's about a woman with two heads who is part of a subculture called twoferism since in this parallel present nuclear tests have caused tons of two-headed people. But the main character, Nora (or is it Blanche) wants nothing more than to be a person with one head and she devotes her whole life to transitioning. It's my fave novel and my best friend from college turned me on to it. I miss her. If you are not a fan of women writers, then you may not like it. Also, can you kiss my butt lol
While I think it is incredibly noble to get involved and help out, I can understand why someone who is post-transition would be hesitant to be too public. And considering what Alaina and MaidofOrleans (can't I just call you Joan of Arc? it's so much easier to write lol JK) said about some trans women (and this isn't the first time I have heard this), i imagine it isn't too fun dealing with negativity and awkwardness all the time. You have to have a certain personality. I'm hesitant myself to go to trans support groups.
But to address the OP's original complaint, it is pretty messed up they wouldn't give you the name of a laser tech. Telling someone who your laser tech is is not helping someone out; it's being a decent person. I guess I'm lucky though as I live in one of the most trans-friendly areas around. Now, I just have to smooze the Doctor and get her to give me SRS on a sliding scale cause I'm struggling financially right now. This could change though.
I need help u guys to start my life as girl :'(
Quote from: Dragonnear on April 24, 2013, 05:24:09 AM
I need help u guys to start my life as girl :'(
You could start by introducing yourself in the introductions forum ;)
when I first came out mum found a support group for me to go to.
I left that night in tears, I couldn't believe that people who had the same feelings as me could be such bitches.
The first thing that was said to me was "you don't belong here, you're too young and don't know what you are"
I try now to help, if theres a trans person that needs to vent, find a doctor or just needs ask what they think is the dumbest of questions I'm here.
Quote from: Nicole on April 24, 2013, 06:36:37 AM
when I first came out mum found a support group for me to go to.
I left that night in tears, I couldn't believe that people who had the same feelings as me could be such bitches.
The first thing that was said to me was "you don't belong here, you're too young and don't know what you are"
Wow, that sucks. How old were you at the time? :/
I know a couple of trans men IRL, and they've been extremely supportive and helpful towards me. I try and help them out accordingly as best I can, though often times they're dealing with issues which I can't really help them with (especially with regards to physical and mental health conditions).
I am ok with supporting others like me, but I cringe when people say trans this and trans that. For me transition is to permanately represent another gender
There is so few of us and we are spread so thin it's really hard to push serious help. While our LGB friends have assembled armies to fight ignorance and hate, it feels like every trans person is a lone wolf operative, a secret agent in a sea of ignorance, hate, and confusion.
Our condition is so confusing not only to us but to others that it makes it extremely difficult for us to establish the kind of help and support we need. We almost rely too heavily on chasing after the gay community that we've never really established one of our own. I'm all for being allied with LGB people as I believe the enemy of my enemy is my friend, but they just don't understand us any more than other cis people to provide the help we need.
It really does piss me off that I have to explain to everyone why "I didn't just go gay because it would be easier." and working with other trans people is so hard because frankly as others have pointed out, so many of them are so confused and beaten down fighting their own feelings and those around them to figure themselves out that they've either been driven mad or into hiding.
One reason I've chosen to never go stealth is because my sanity, my support, and the ease of my transition (comparatively) has put me into a unique transition to provide some sort of trans example to the cis community. Like "Hey look i'm trans and a person like you, don't be a dick!" I've even made it clear to everyone I meet that i'm open to any question they have about me, even ones that many trans women have made clear is none of anyone's business. I've already gotten every question that you can think of from feelings, to biology to sexuality and I've answered every one I can in the name of education and understanding. I hope that these people will pass on this experience to others and enlighten them as to our struggles and the reality of our bodies and feelings.
I'm hoping that once I go full time I can speak to other young people maybe in guest lectures or something and educate. Anything I can to show as many people as possible that we aren't freaks or monsters. Even if I change a few minds it's worth my time and privacy.
One of the workers at the hostel in which i'm currently residing has been at head office today to discuss them supporting setting up Trans support groups as I pointed out that there is a lack of them in this town.
He said he'll try to let me know tomorrow what was discussed.
As he sais to me the other week "you're in contact with 2 other transitioners on this forum so you already have a group"
He said that the organisation should be able to help with a venue & assistance
Quote from: MaidofOrleans on April 24, 2013, 01:26:50 PM
There is so few of us and we are spread so thin it's really hard to push serious help. While our LGB friends have assembled armies to fight ignorance and hate, it feels like every trans person is a lone wolf operative, a secret agent in a sea of ignorance, hate, and confusion.
Our condition is so confusing not only to us but to others that it makes it extremely difficult for us to establish the kind of help and support we need. We almost rely too heavily on chasing after the gay community that we've never really established one of our own. I'm all for being allied with LGB people as I believe the enemy of my enemy is my friend, but they just don't understand us any more than other cis people to provide the help we need.
It really does piss me off that I have to explain to everyone why "I didn't just go gay because it would be easier." and working with other trans people is so hard because frankly as others have pointed out, so many of them are so confused and beaten down fighting their own feelings and those around them to figure themselves out that they've either been driven mad or into hiding.
One reason I've chosen to never go stealth is because my sanity, my support, and the ease of my transition (comparatively) has put me into a unique transition to provide some sort of trans example to the cis community. Like "Hey look i'm trans and a person like you, don't be a dick!" I've even made it clear to everyone I meet that i'm open to any question they have about me, even ones that many trans women have made clear is none of anyone's business. I've already gotten every question that you can think of from feelings, to biology to sexuality and I've answered every one I can in the name of education and understanding. I hope that these people will pass on this experience to others and enlighten them as to our struggles and the reality of our bodies and feelings.
I'm hoping that once I go full time I can speak to other young people maybe in guest lectures or something and educate. Anything I can to show as many people as possible that we aren't freaks or monsters. Even if I change a few minds it's worth my time and privacy.
That was an incredible post! It does feel like we are often alone and even lgb community can be ignorant. I have seen people at an lgbt center laugh and giggle at trans people. What the hell is wrong with some of them!? It really amazes me how difficult it is to understand that one's gender has nothing to do with their sexuality. Yet, the ignorance never seems to fade.
I think it is awesome that you plan on donating your time after going full time. We need more people like that in our community, but it is very difficult for people to stand up as role models in such an ignorant society. Most just want to live their lives without any more drama or societal backlash. While it would be helpful if they were more helpful to those who are transitioning or coming out, I completely understand their decision and respect it.
Quote from: Dragonnear on April 24, 2013, 05:24:09 AM
I need help u guys to start my life as girl :'(
I never mind talking to another girl in need. Feel free to post any questions or concerns in the forums. This community is a great support system and there are many things that I have learned from the other people on here. Also, don't hesitate to contact me if you need someone to talk to :)
Quote from: learningtolive on April 24, 2013, 02:18:14 PM
That was an incredible post! It does feel like we are often alone and even lgb community can be ignorant. I have seen people at an lgbt center laugh and giggle at trans people. What the hell is wrong with some of them!? It really amazes me how difficult it is to understand that one's gender has nothing to do with their sexuality. Yet, the ignorance never seems to fade.
A common lament among many of us isthe T in LGBT stands for Token.
There tends to be a lot of drama where lots of trans people meet together; the environment is just, in my experience, usually not a mature one.
I'm not quite sure why this is. Perhaps it's for a similar reason to teenagers being immature.
I help other trans girls when I can. I'm not very good at helping, and I don't have many resources, but I always make sure that I can listen if someone is feeling depressed... and I do my best to help suicidal people when I meet them. It's the least I can do, especially because trans people are a large part of a very small group of people that I can actually sympathize with.