I am not living full-time yet, and honestly I do not think that I will be able to go full-time until I have my FFS procedure (which is still in question on when this will happen?) but is that really out of the ordinary to go full-time after FFS?
Emily I don't think there is a right or wrong way to go full time. When you feel comfortable enough to go full time should be the only thing that matters. :)
Quote from: Heather on April 10, 2013, 03:14:31 PM
Emily I don't think there is a right or wrong way to go full time. When you feel comfortable enough to go full time should be the only thing that matters. :)
That is kind of what I was figuring, but when I talk with others they are surprised when I tell them that I am not FT yet and even more surprised to hear that I won't be going FT until after my FFS is done.
I still haven't figured out when I'm going to go full time. I think I'll wait till I'm getting called mam when I'm dressed as a man. Then I will know its time! If the people you know are shocked your not full time maybe you should give it some consideration. But only if you feel comfortable with it
Quote from: Heather on April 10, 2013, 04:45:51 PM
I still haven't figured out when I'm going to go full time. I think I'll wait till I'm getting called mam when I'm dressed as a man. Then I will know its time! If the people you know are shocked your not full time maybe you should give it some consideration. But only if you feel comfortable with it
I have been on HRT for 3+ years and I know that there is no timeframe but that does seem long though I think. Friends shocked that I am not full-time but of course people who do not know about me never really say anything? mostly because (from how I see it) that I don't pass yet. I do not get called Ma'am by mistake when I am out as a guy which, to me, is an indication that I am not ready for full-time yet.
Quote from: EmilyMI on April 10, 2013, 05:03:25 PM
I have been on HRT for 3+ years and I know that there is no timeframe but that does seem long though I think. Friends shocked that I am not full-time but of course people who do not know about me never really say anything? mostly because (from how I see it) that I don't pass yet. I do not get called Ma'am by mistake when I am out as a guy which, to me, is an indication that I am not ready for full-time yet.
That might not be an indication of how well you pass looks wise. You have to look at the way your walking talking and all the other mannerisms that are very important to passing!
I agree there's no right or wrong time to go full time. I planned on going full time six months after ffs but due to getting ms all the time after it decided to go full time right away. You just go with your flow. Whatever makes you feel more comfortable is the time you should try to go full time. Your absolutely darling by the way
I've seen a lot of changes in the past 40 years. Lately there is this prevailing mythology that before you can even think of going full-time you MUST do A - B - C - D etc.. Nothing can be left out. It is like the only way possible. Not at all what many TSs I knew in the the 70's could even dream of doing. All this technology is just a tool to make doing the work easier.
The only criteria for going full-time I can imagine is "When you want to, or need to" Anything else is just gravy. Plenty of TSs have forged ahead with doing nothing more than just presenting as female. No HRT, no FFS, no electrolysis, no voice coaching, no years or months of therap, et al.
Yes, all these things can help in passing. But if the time comes when you need to, it makes no sense to wait and live a miserable life, that is if you choose the latter, living.
This is definitely something everyone has to answer for themselves and recognize that there is no one right answer.
I'm a little curious as to why you say you couldn't go full time until after FFS.
The reasons that people will gender you one way or the other can be very confusing. Just because you don't get gendered female when presenting male doesn't necessarily mean you wouldn't pass as female without FFS.
I was still getting consistently gendered male until about three weeks ago when, like a switch, everything reversed. I honestly have no idea what I started doing differently in that time but whatever it was it's made all the difference. Even kids don't seem to read me anymore.
Do you always tend to present male in public? If not, how do people gender you when you present female?
Quote from: Rowan Rue on April 10, 2013, 06:28:27 PM
This is definitely something everyone has to answer for themselves and recognize that there is no one right answer.
I'm a little curious as to why you say you couldn't go full time until after FFS.
The reasons that people will gender you one way or the other can be very confusing. Just because you don't get gendered female when presenting male doesn't necessarily mean you wouldn't pass as female without FFS.
I was still getting consistently gendered male until about three weeks ago when, like a switch, everything reversed. I honestly have no idea what I started doing differently in that time but whatever it was it's made all the difference. Even kids don't seem to read me anymore.
Do you always tend to present male in public? If not, how do people gender you when you present female?
Currently I do present as male in public. A few weeks ago a friend of mine convinced me to go out as Emily for the first time, and go shopping with her, so I did and of course I was very nervous at first. I always get some looks when I present as male so I try not to pay attention too much if I get looks still anymore. About an hour into just shopping About an hour into it these Woman were kind of following me and that friend of mine around and were making some incredibly hurtful remarks. Even my friend was amazed by what they said, she tried to stand up for me but by then I was in tears and just wanted to go home. The rest of the night I just cried and was made to feel like the most worthless piece of garbage. I always have had body dysphoria issues, but since then my self-confidence is all but shattered.
Quote from: EmilyMI on April 11, 2013, 07:40:55 AM
About an hour into it these Woman were kind of following me and that friend of mine around and were making some incredibly hurtful remarks. Even my friend was amazed by what they said, she tried to stand up for me but by then I was in tears and just wanted to go home. The rest of the night I just cried and was made to feel like the most worthless piece of garbage. I always have had body dysphoria issues, but since then my self-confidence is all but shattered.
Oh sweetie, this sound like a very painful experience. I want to send you a hug.
Please don't let the reaction of some ignorant, stupid, nasty strangers define you.
You're a beautiful, sensitive woman, and deserve respect and admiration.
The problem is with them and not you. Please remember that.
They are all right. Timing is all up to you. ive been on HRT for ... what about a year now. but i was living full time for years before i ever went to a doctor or therapist for anything. i love makeup =D lol. so. yeah its all up to the individual and how they feel.
Emily, I will tell you when the right time to go full time.
When you decide it is time.
Quote from: Ms. OBrien CVT on April 11, 2013, 08:22:41 AM
Emily, I will tell you when the right time to go full time.
When you decide it is time.
Its hard to feel anything right now especially after what transpired a few weeks ago, honestly I have not even been dressed at home at all after this happened.
I always look at those comments like this. Do they put food on my table? Do they pay my rent? Then what do I care what they have to say?
Quote from: Ms. OBrien CVT on April 11, 2013, 08:52:00 AM
I always look at those comments like this. Do they put food on my table? Do they pay my rent? Then what do I care what they have to say?
Normally I have a very thick skin. I was always teased relentlessly in my youth so for the most I can ignore it, but what was said to me was just horrible and shows how incredibly mean and evil some people can be. I have always been emotional, even more so since taking HRT so a lot more effects me now than before.
Quote from: suzifrommd on April 11, 2013, 07:59:14 AM
Oh sweetie, this sound like a very painful experience. I want to send you a hug.
Please don't let the reaction of some ignorant, stupid, nasty strangers define you.
You're a beautiful, sensitive woman, and deserve respect and admiration.
The problem is with them and not you. Please remember that.
Awww thanks girl! /Hugs
Quote from: EmilyMI on April 11, 2013, 07:40:55 AM
....these Woman were kind of following me and that friend of mine around and were making some incredibly hurtful remarks.....
Urgh, I'm so sorry. I forget just how good my part of the world is. I've had so few issues that it's easy to forget how much some people suck.
Quote from: Rowan Rue on April 11, 2013, 01:55:37 PM
Urgh, I'm so sorry. I forget just how good my part of the world is. I've had so few issues that it's easy to forget how much some people suck.
A friend of mine (the one who went out with me on that shopping trip) thought I was putting negative energy out; which could have been the reason why I was clocked.
Quote from: EmilyMI on April 11, 2013, 09:20:13 AM
Normally I have a very thick skin. I was always teased relentlessly in my youth so for the most I can ignore it, but what was said to me was just horrible and shows how incredibly mean and evil some people can be. I have always been emotional, even more so since taking HRT so a lot more effects me now than before.
They don't know you. They see only with their eyes, and understand the less for it.
I'm sorry you went through that, though. Most people are jerks to someone - and it's never nice being that someone. Take heart - in time you will be objectively beautiful inside and out; the same may not be said of them.
Quote from: EmilyMI on April 11, 2013, 02:43:05 PM
A friend of mine (the one who went out with me on that shopping trip) thought I was putting negative energy out; which could have been the reason why I was clocked.
I wouldn't let it bother you it was your first time out! You may have been carrying yourself in a defensive or nervous way that got you clocked. If that was the case I wouldn't be concerned you'll get more comfortable with the way you are presenting the more you go out as yourself.
Why do I suspect these "Women"were but a couple of teenagers?
A had a few similar experiences like that in my early 20's during my experiments. The sad part of them were how I let those negate all the positive outings I had.
I hope you don't put off trying again for 30+ years as I did. If you don't belong to a TG group or groups that will be a good place to begin building some self confidence and pick up some pointers. Sometimes jumping into the deep end of the pool is not a good way to learn to swim. Especially if you don't have the self-esteem and confidence or otherwise plain ole Attitude that makes up 90% of passing.
I get the ocassional long lingering stares. I have no way of knowing why. These days I attribute it to being 6 ft tall, thin, in makeup and a skirt, in an area filled with 5'8" obese women wearing at best jeans.
Quote from: Ms. OBrien CVT on April 11, 2013, 08:22:41 AM
Emily, I will tell you when the right time to go full time.
When you decide it is time.
May I add a caveat to this, though?
Don't let fear decide for you.
Quote from: JoanneB on April 11, 2013, 04:37:18 PM
Why do I suspect these "Women"were but a couple of teenagers?
A had a few similar experiences like that in my early 20's during my experiments. The sad part of them were how I let those negate all the positive outings I had.
I hope you don't put off trying again for 30+ years as I did. If you don't belong to a TG group or groups that will be a good place to begin building some self confidence and pick up some pointers. Sometimes jumping into the deep end of the pool is not a good way to learn to swim. Especially if you don't have the self-esteem and confidence or otherwise plain ole Attitude that makes up 90% of passing.
I get the ocassional long lingering stares. I have no way of knowing why. These days I attribute it to being 6 ft tall, thin, in makeup and a skirt, in an area filled with 5'8" obese women wearing at best jeans.
Actually no, the Woman in question looked like either high 20's or low 30's? I know I need to start going out more though and going to a local support group will be a good start for me to start getting confidence which I know is my biggest problem is with my self confidence/attitude. I live in a small rural town so I do get looks which don't normally bother me at all. The verbal (cruel) part is what really impact me though.
That is wierd. I now live in a rural WV small town (pop ~1500). Here is where I get the occassional lingering looks. Back in m 20's when I lived within a stones throw of NYC is where ridicule ruled. Amazingly there a few other T's in the nearby area. For the most part I haven't heard of any instance like yours from them.
Maybe I am not so far out in the hicks as I think?
Quote from: JoanneB on April 12, 2013, 12:04:29 PM
That is wierd. I now live in a rural WV small town (pop ~1500). Here is where I get the occassional lingering looks. Back in m 20's when I lived within a stones throw of NYC is where ridicule ruled. Amazingly there a few other T's in the nearby area. For the most part I haven't heard of any instance like yours from them.
Maybe I am not so far out in the hicks as I think?
Well to be fair to the city I live in - the mall I went to out shopping was located in a MUCH bigger urban area, so it was not the same city when I went out.
Many of you girls are trying to decide what is best for another which is wrong, dead wrong. No I am not trying to me a b*tch but it's really up to the person to decide not someone else's place. I am only 4 months HRT and not at all beautiful, or even pretty to look at I think but I live full time and care not what others think because what matters is what I care and feel. I live in a really rough town and lot's of redneck mentalities all over but you know what.......if I live to be accepted by the masses then I am living for their desires or comfort level as far as blending goes. Today I was a super hot pink girl all day, my gatekeeper was like wow and you know what......it was nice but like I said to her, "I am living my life on my terms and I just don't care." I think I am beautiful I really do and you know why I believe this.......because a real woman's beauty starts from within not the outer shell or looks. But do I make any sense, I dunno.....should you listen too me, I dunno, but what I do know is this, "This is your one chance, one opportunity, one day at a time" Take a chance and believe in yourself.
Modified - Excessive font size
Quote from: Shelley Jo on April 25, 2013, 12:01:46 AM
Many of you girls are trying to decide what is best for another which is wrong, dead wrong. No I am not trying to me a b*tch but it's really up to the person to decide not someone else's place. I am only 4 months HRT and not at all beautiful, or even pretty to look at I think but I live full time and care not what others think because what matters is what I care and feel. I live in a really rough town and lot's of redneck mentalities all over but you know what.......if I live to be accepted by the masses then I am living for their desires or comfort level as far as blending goes. Today I was a super hot pink girl all day, my gatekeeper was like wow and you know what......it was nice but like I said to her, "I am living my life on my terms and I just don't care." I think I am beautiful I really do and you know why I believe this.......because a real woman's beauty starts from within not the outer shell or looks. But do I make any sense, Idunno.....should you listen too me, Idunno, but what I do know is this, "This is your one chance, one opportunity, one day at a time" Take a chance and believe in yourself.
Much easier said than done. Some of us seek approval from others for one reason or another or are concerned due to our jobs
Quote from: Tristan on April 25, 2013, 06:58:03 AM
Much easier said than done. Some of us seek approval from others for one reason or another or are concerned due to our jobs
Actually, it's quite easy. You just have to realise that no one needs another persons approval to be true to themselves.
decided to remove full post since I misread x_x
Quote from: Kelly-087 on April 25, 2013, 01:55:02 PM
I don't quite understand ?_?
You don't think we should tell others how they should live/when they should go full time? √
You live how you want, despite being in an un-accepting area? Kudos to you :3
but you're telling people that they should come out and live full time before they feel they are ready? ?_? I don't understand the logic.
wat is the point of the post?
I was responding only to Tristan's post. I was not suggesting any one should come out or do anything before they are ready. It was merely a comment that no one needs the approval of others.
QuoteI'm not ready to come out because Ive just started to look somewhat andro. I want to live as steatlh as I can~ Do you think that is wrong? I don't want to be "That guy that kind of looked feminine and decided to start wearing a dress to work" To which, I probably would not keep my job, period because A) The terms of my employment are temporary for a few months. Which means they don't have to justify a reason to get rid of me. They can just say "Well, we chose other candidates for you, thanks for working for us" and B) I work with heavy customer interaction which means that if people are taken aback and sales visibly drop because people are too nervous to interact with me, there's another reason to just flat out get rid of me.
Although I do agree with you somewhat. I decided to be myself, not worry if I'm acting oddly. I don't think that freshly manicured and painted nails combined with a pink skirt makes us magically ourselves either.
Where did I say anything of the sort? I'm out and full time and rarely have painted nails or wear a skirt. I always have nicely manicured nails and did even before I transitioned.
QuoteI think we all need to decide when we feel we're ready to live full time. Some of us want to do it differently.. Some of us want and need more time on hormones and some of us just want to get out there.. and maybe not do hormones at all.
Again, all I was saying is the approval of others is not needed. The timing of various things is up to the individual, no argument there.
QuoteHere's where I'll probably lose some people. We (MTFs or FTMs) want the same rights as the gender we identify as. We want to be accepted. But groups of us want special rights. They don't want to blend in, they want to stand out. They just want their rights because their trans, and feel special because they are.. I know some people are going to bash me and get offended but I grow tired of how entitled our group can act.
I'm a woman, I need no special rights, nor do I ask for them.
I'm just sayin if you could lose your job over it and you don't want that then a better strategy might be needed. Which is why I said not so easy