Hi my names Elle, I've always known I wanted to be a girl (MtF) since I was little - just told my parents and doctor to get things going on NHS. I had alot of trauma & illness as a kid, pulling my hair out and dressing up like a girl as often as I could - my mum didn't mind she thought it was a phase. I played with dolls and have always been very femanine. Even playing with Star Wars/Batman I loved being Leia or Catwoman way more then any of those manly characters.
I've been living as a girl for about a month, painting my nails, wearing skirts, make-up and wanting my hair to grow in - never had long hair as a boy, so excited! I'm scared about going outside as a girl - I know this is the next step but it's freaking me out! I pass for a girl pretty well and people have said "thanks hen" etc. when interacting with them as a male...
I know I have to do this, I've been unhappy for a very long time and need to be myself - wearing girly clothes, dying my hair, painting my nails, shaving my legs and arms it all feels natural and normal. I want to make this next step but am scared of peoples reactions - going shopping over the weekend to get some clothes and I'm hoping to 'out' myself next week any advice would be greatly appretiated xx
Does anyone have any experience of dealing with NHS?
I've been to councelling to help with all this too.
Hi Elle, :icon_wave:
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Janet )O(
Hi Elle ;D, there's plenty of people here who have dealt with NHS, ask around in the "transsexual" or "transitioning" section to get lots of guidance.
Hey Elle,
I don't have experience with the NHS, but I wanted to wish you lots of luck on the beginning of your journey :)
Hi Elle, and welcome!
Yes, there are quite a few people here who have experience with the NHS. (I'm guessing from your use of the word 'hen' that you mean the British NHS?)
I'm currently transitioning on the NHS myself. Did you have any specific questions?
It's up to you how, when and to whom you come out. There are also various types of people to whom you may want to come out and you might want to approach each one differently. For example, you might choose to go into a lot of detail when coming out to very close friends, siblings or your parents; but people you only speak to occasionally won't need much detail at all. Just take your time & think things through. As LearnedHand suggested, have a look at some of the more specific boards for some good ideas about coming out etc.
Also, UK law has certain protections against discrimination & harassment due to your trans status. This isn't a magic wand, but it gives you legal protection from being discriminated against in things like employment & accessing services.
Have you discussed with your counsellor how/when it might be right for you to come out?
Hi thank you for the responses :)
I spoke to my councellor a few weeks back and came out then. I told my mum the same day as I couldn't keep on lying to myself about it - she has been very supportive and understanding. My dad knows somethings going on and told her he has nothing to do with it...
I know he knows already, I've always been very girly and I need to change now as I'm very unhappy. The last few weeks have been great, just living as myself but the problems come when I think about facing the outside world. I've been hiding away for like two months, barely going out and only seeing my immediate family.
I've changed my name, just awaiting the documents now. I'm worried about peoples reactions - I know I'll get abuse in the streets and shouted at...
@FTMDiaries : I'm nervous about what they'll ask me and if they'll say I'm making it all up. My dad was against me being very girly when I was younger so I had to hide somethings from him, like dressing up and my dolls. He didn't even want me to have dolls - he's old fashioned and can't accept people who aren't like him... But I have a very vivid memory of someone catching me dressed as a woman, I think it was my dad. This was around my teens. After which I went very into myself and coudn't express what I wanted to be.... I was still very girly - like sewing and making costumes etc. but I started copying boys to try and "fit in".
I recently left a very unpleasent work place where I got cought up in loads of stuff... The councelling has helped my confidence and personality to return and I'm happy being me again. It's like I went through a phase of copying guys to fit in because I have a male body but in my mind I kept saying "this isn't me!" :embarrassed:
So I've dealt with all that now and am ready to begin transitioning - I really need to face the fear and just get out there.
Hoping the next few weeks will change the way I feel at the moment, which is kind of directionless... although I have plans to change my hair, wear female clothes in public to the first meeting with NHS.
Quote from: Elle16 on May 11, 2013, 12:43:33 PM
Hi thank you for the responses :)
I spoke to my councellor a few weeks back and came out then. I told my mum the same day as I couldn't keep on lying to myself about it - she has been very supportive and understanding. My dad knows somethings going on and told her he has nothing to do with it...
I know he knows already, I've always been very girly and I need to change now as I'm very unhappy. The last few weeks have been great, just living as myself but the problems come when I think about facing the outside world. I've been hiding away for like two months, barely going out and only seeing my immediate family.
I've changed my name, just awaiting the documents now. I'm worried about peoples reactions - I know I'll get abuse in the streets and shouted at...
@FTMDiaries : I'm nervous about what they'll ask me and if they'll say I'm making it all up. My dad was against me being very girly when I was younger so I had to hide somethings from him, like dressing up and my dolls. He didn't even want me to have dolls - he's old fashioned and can't accept people who aren't like him... But I have a very vivid memory of someone catching me dressed as a woman, I think it was my dad. This was around my teens. After which I went very into myself and coudn't express what I wanted to be.... I was still very girly - like sewing and making costumes etc. but I started copying boys to try and "fit in".
I recently left a very unpleasent work place where I got cought up in loads of stuff... The councelling has helped my confidence and personality to return and I'm happy being me again. It's like I went through a phase of copying guys to fit in because I have a male body but in my mind I kept saying "this isn't me!" :embarrassed:
So I've dealt with all that now and am ready to begin transitioning - I really need to face the fear and just get out there.
Hoping the next few weeks will change the way I feel at the moment, which is kind of directionless... although I have plans to change my hair, wear female clothes in public to the first meeting with NHS.
I was the same Elle when i first went to CX. It's such a big step to make and i guess you feel that you need to justify or convince people of your GID. The fact of the matter is, is that everyone is different. There is absolutely nothing wrong imo of wanting to be a masculine female or a female who exhibits masculine traits. It's not for other people to decide who you are and who you should be.
By that i mean, don't feel you have to flag up moments in your life and say 'you see! this is why i know i have GID' and now i need to conform to a stereotypical girl/woman.
As far as CX goes, i'm sorry to say that not everyone has such positive experiences as FTMdiaries. Yes they are overworked for sure, and i understand that people need to be patient, but after pretty much a year of waiting and trying to get therapy on the NHS, i arrived at CX for an hour with a doctor - who i felt just went through a list of questions and wasn't too interested in deviating from that - and then a further 6 months for another appointment. So effectively having gone to my GP initially looking for counselling on the NHS for my GID, i had one session at my local hospital with a psychiatrist who honestly said he had no idea how to approach the subject, and then straight to CX were they asked me to come out at work, change my name and dress fully female for my next appointment in SIX months time (even though i arrived in unisex/female clothing). I mean wow.
Hi just wanted to say hi. Im at the same stage as you are with regards to the NHS just got my app through in the next few weeks. as far as coming out to people, well im not sure there is a right or wrong way. However you do it it's inevitable that someone will have the arse with you about it. i came out to certain people face to face then did the rest on facebook. that worked fairly well not perfect but had what i considered an acceptable fallout. :angel:
Quote from: Bardoux on May 12, 2013, 06:14:10 AM
As far as CX goes, i'm sorry to say that not everyone has such positive experiences as FTMdiaries.
Just to clarify, I'm not with CX. I was originally referred there by my CMHT but after waiting 7 months from my referral without hearing anything from them, then discovering that it may take a year or two before I could get my first appointment, I cancelled my referral there and applied to a different clinic where I was seen much more quickly. So I feel your pain. :(
As a general piece of advice to anyone in the UK: ask whether there are any options available for which GIC you attend. Then before deciding on one, give them a ring and ask what their waiting time is from referral to first appointment, and then what their waiting times are between routine appointments. I'm lucky that there are a couple of GICs in my catchment area. CX made Bardoux wait 6 months between appointments; my new clinic makes me wait 6 weeks. That's a
massive difference, particularly if you don't want to wait years until you're presenting convincingly. To my knowledge, there are 10 NHS GICs in the UK: Charing Cross (London); Tavistock (London - under-18s only); Sheffield; Leeds; Sunderland; Nottingham; Town Close (Norwich); The Laurels (Exeter); Sandyford (Glasgow); and Northern Ireland (Belfast). I've just compiled a list of all of them, along with their contact details and websites: this might make a good Wiki (or sticky). ;)
If you're in Scotland you can refer yourself to the GIC without even needing to see your GP first. If only we could do that in England. ::)
Here's the NHS's latest advice to doctors about how to treat trans patients. It gives some good advice on the pathway they have to follow, what treatments are available, and it also tells you what to expect at the clinics. It's worth a read: http://www.nhs.uk/Livewell/Transhealth/Documents/gender-dysphoria-guide-for-gps-and-other-health-care-staff.pdf (http://www.nhs.uk/Livewell/Transhealth/Documents/gender-dysphoria-guide-for-gps-and-other-health-care-staff.pdf)
Don't worry about what they'll ask you. You're the only person who can tell whether you're trans and you already know the answer to that question. The GICs are just there to help you make sure you're making the right decision, and to make sure you don't have any mental illness masquerading as being trans, so that they can give you the treatment you need. Just be yourself, be honest, and know that they're there to help you.
If you haven't seen their site yet, GIRES has a lot of useful information about what to expect as a trans patient. Try here: http://www.gires.org.uk/transpeople.php (http://www.gires.org.uk/transpeople.php) Some of the medical info is out-of-date, only because PCTs were abolished a couple of months ago.
Good luck! :)
Thank you xx
I came out to my dad the other day, I was just fed up of waiting for the right moment and had to tell him. He already knew so there wasn't much of a blow - seems ok with it. I'm dressing as a woman daily now, feels right to me and when I look down at my chest I see breast shape that should have been there all along. I used to roll up socks and pretend to have boobs when I was younger lol! I feel generally alot happier knowing my family are fairly accepting.
I got a call from the doctor today, he's reffering me to Sandyford in Glasgow - so I'll be waiting on them getting back to me. I'm ok with how things are progressing, feeling better in general too.
On Thursday I have my last councelling session and I'll be going dressed as a woman - I feel like this is a huge step, really excited and nervous at the same time. I don't want to hide away anymore, I miss going out - even just for walks and stuff so hopefully if all goes well on Thursday I can continue being myself without worrying about others :)
Also I answered a phone call earlier and the woman asked what's your name and I said "Elle" super happy!
Quote from: Elle16 on May 13, 2013, 11:05:10 AM
I came out to my dad the other day, I was just fed up of waiting for the right moment and had to tell him. He already knew so there wasn't much of a blow - seems ok with it.
Yay for positive family reactions!
Quote from: Elle16 on May 13, 2013, 11:05:10 AM
I'm dressing as a woman daily now, feels right to me and when I look down at my chest I see breast shape that should have been there all along. I used to roll up socks and pretend to have boobs when I was younger lol!
Y'know, a lot of cis girls start out that way too. ;)
Quote from: Elle16 on May 13, 2013, 11:05:10 AM
I got a call from the doctor today, he's reffering me to Sandyford in Glasgow - so I'll be waiting on them getting back to me. I'm ok with how things are progressing, feeling better in general too.
As far as I know, the Sandyford is the only NHS GIC in the UK that allows patients to refer themselves: you don't need to wait for your doctor to write to them. So if you wanted to get things moving faster, contact their administrator on 0141 211 8137 and ask for a 'first appointment' but if you do so, please let them know that your doctor will eventually be writing to them so you won't get double-booked.
Quote from: Elle16 on May 13, 2013, 11:05:10 AM
On Thursday I have my last councelling session and I'll be going dressed as a woman - I feel like this is a huge step, really excited and nervous at the same time. I don't want to hide away anymore, I miss going out - even just for walks and stuff so hopefully if all goes well on Thursday I can continue being myself without worrying about others :)
Also I answered a phone call earlier and the woman asked what's your name and I said "Elle" super happy!
That's the spirit - go for it! And please don't be nervous about what other people may think. This is your life; they have their own lives to worry about. Anybody who wants to judge you should wind their neck in. ;)
Quote from: FTMDiaries on May 13, 2013, 06:47:26 AM
Just to clarify, I'm not with CX. I was originally referred there by my CMHT but after waiting 7 months from my referral without hearing anything from them, then discovering that it may take a year or two before I could get my first appointment, I cancelled my referral there and applied to a different clinic where I was seen much more quickly. So I feel your pain. :(
As a general piece of advice to anyone in the UK: ask whether there are any options available for which GIC you attend. Then before deciding on one, give them a ring and ask what their waiting time is from referral to first appointment, and then what their waiting times are between routine appointments. I'm lucky that there are a couple of GICs in my catchment area. CX made Bardoux wait 6 months between appointments; my new clinic makes me wait 6 weeks. That's a massive difference, particularly if you don't want to wait years until you're presenting convincingly. To my knowledge, there are 10 NHS GICs in the UK: Charing Cross (London); Tavistock (London - under-18s only); Sheffield; Leeds; Sunderland; Nottingham; Town Close (Norwich); The Laurels (Exeter); Sandyford (Glasgow); and Northern Ireland (Belfast). I've just compiled a list of all of them, along with their contact details and websites: this might make a good Wiki (or sticky). ;)
If you're in Scotland you can refer yourself to the GIC without even needing to see your GP first. If only we could do that in England. ::)
Here's the NHS's latest advice to doctors about how to treat trans patients. It gives some good advice on the pathway they have to follow, what treatments are available, and it also tells you what to expect at the clinics. It's worth a read: http://www.nhs.uk/Livewell/Transhealth/Documents/gender-dysphoria-guide-for-gps-and-other-health-care-staff.pdf (http://www.nhs.uk/Livewell/Transhealth/Documents/gender-dysphoria-guide-for-gps-and-other-health-care-staff.pdf)
Don't worry about what they'll ask you. You're the only person who can tell whether you're trans and you already know the answer to that question. The GICs are just there to help you make sure you're making the right decision, and to make sure you don't have any mental illness masquerading as being trans, so that they can give you the treatment you need. Just be yourself, be honest, and know that they're there to help you.
If you haven't seen their site yet, GIRES has a lot of useful information about what to expect as a trans patient. Try here: http://www.gires.org.uk/transpeople.php (http://www.gires.org.uk/transpeople.php) Some of the medical info is out-of-date, only because PCTs were abolished a couple of months ago.
Good luck! :)
Thanks so much for sharing all this! I honestly had no idea, i thought the only route is CX... and yeah we all know how i feel about that hehe.
I also received an email from Bethany which was very nice of her, letting me know about the route she took to speed up her treatment.
I'm going to be honest, the last few months i have been self-medicating. I was at such a loss with the NHS, my GP wanted to help but she is so overworked and hasn't had previous experience with Gender issues (her face when i first told her was just shock lol). I felt dejected and deflated after my first appointment with CX, i thought i'd be the opposite, but i got the distinct impression that they didn't care all that much. Of course this is my own personal experience from my one visit, and i am sure there are plenty of people happy with the treatment they have received, but i do feel that it's not just the waiting times that is the issue.
I've been following recommended hormone dosages from a Canadian medical board, information that appeared to correlate with other information available online uploaded by medical professionals. I'm not going to mention doses as i appreciate self-medicating is discouraged due to the very real risks of medical complications with improper supervision. Anyhow after thankfully coming across another private GIC in London i was over the moon. Whilst i have to pay for my therapy and appointments i feel that at last i have come to a place that i can grow and explore.
I find it shocking that GP's are so ill equipped to provide direction and advice on how to proceed. Indeed whilst at the A+E recently and having disclosed i was on an AA and estradial transdermal patch, two doctors asked me why i was on HRT? To which i replied to change my gender... (I present androgynous at the moment). But why else would a biological male be taking estrogen!
Quote from: Bardoux on May 14, 2013, 05:26:25 AM
Thanks so much for sharing all this! I honestly had no idea, i thought the only route is CX... and yeah we all know how i feel about that hehe.
You're welcome. :) Your feelings are understandable considering your experience; I feel similarly and am grateful I found a quieter GIC.
Quote from: Bardoux on May 14, 2013, 05:26:25 AM
I was at such a loss with the NHS, my GP wanted to help but she is so overworked and hasn't had previous experience with Gender issues (her face when i first told her was just shock lol).
...
Anyhow after thankfully coming across another private GIC in London i was over the moon. Whilst i have to pay for my therapy and appointments i feel that at last i have come to a place that i can grow and explore.
Have you considered printing out that PDF I linked to in the post above (http://www.nhs.uk/Livewell/Transhealth/Documents/gender-dysphoria-guide-for-gps-and-other-health-care-staff.pdf (http://www.nhs.uk/Livewell/Transhealth/Documents/gender-dysphoria-guide-for-gps-and-other-health-care-staff.pdf)) and giving a copy to your GP? Most doctors don't have experience of transsexual patients so it is (unfortunately) up to us to make sure they're informed.
Here's a quote from page 8 of that document:
"After assessment at the Gender service, the GP is responsible for the initiation and ongoing prescribing of endocrine therapy and organising blood and other diagnostic tests as recommended by the specialist gender clinician. In the longer term, primary care is responsible for the life-long maintenance of their patient's wellbeing. This involves conducting simple monitoring tests, examinations and medication reviews as recommended, initially by the discharging gender specialist, and thereafter according to extant best practice."
So if you've attended a private clinic and have a diagnosis of GD from a practicing psychiatrist, your GP should arrange your hormone treatment on their recommendation - you shouldn't need to self-medicate. Why not ask your Gender Therapist to write to your GP?
Quote from: Bardoux on May 14, 2013, 05:26:25 AM
I felt dejected and deflated after my first appointment with CX, i thought i'd be the opposite, but i got the distinct impression that they didn't care all that much. Of course this is my own personal experience from my one visit, and i am sure there are plenty of people happy with the treatment they have received, but i do feel that it's not just the waiting times that is the issue.
They are horrendously overworked at present, so they can't give each patient the attention and care they would like to. I'm sure it breaks many of their hearts to know this. :(
Quote from: Bardoux on May 14, 2013, 05:26:25 AM
I find it shocking that GP's are so ill equipped to provide direction and advice on how to proceed. Indeed whilst at the A+E recently and having disclosed i was on an AA and estradial transdermal patch, two doctors asked me why i was on HRT? To which i replied to change my gender... (I present androgynous at the moment). But why else would a biological male be taking estrogen!
It seems we have to educate all the medical personnel we come across, because so few of them have (knowingly) met any transsexual patients. Mine has a couple on her books, but I'm the first FtM. Still, at least she had a clue. The worst thing is when they ask about your trans status for completely unrelated things. If you've broken your arm, it hardly matters whether you've had 'The Surgery', does it? ::)
Well yesterday was a huge leap forward for me!
I went to councelling dressed as a girl for the first time, I felt happy and scared/nervous all at the same time. I walked along a really busy street with cars and people going about there daily business - it was a terrifying thought... BUT I did it! ;D
My mum was with me and she supported me the whole way. I got a few looks and people whispering but it hasn't bothered me that much. I know going out as myself for the first time was difficult but am happy in the knowledge that I now know for certain I can't go back now. I really am quite clamer and happyier in myself now, just hoping I can keep on going and not get bogged down with negative thoughts etc.
Looking into facial hair removal creams for my skin, trying the louis Mercel one on Amazon - hoping it'll work as my facial hair is quite dark and shaving all the time is a nightmare., my skins so sensitive.
I'm quite cheery today xx
Quote from: Elle16 on May 17, 2013, 06:48:35 AM
I went to councelling dressed as a girl for the first time, I felt happy and scared/nervous all at the same time. I walked along a really busy street with cars and people going about there daily business - it was a terrifying thought... BUT I did it! ;D
Well done! That's the spirit. :)
I had a similar story as you Elle. I came out last year but my parents didn't respond well to it, they are old fashion too. They thought for me to truely be happy would only come from meeting a girl and the dresses ect was just a way to deal with loneliness. They advised that I started being more masculine and go out with friends more and try to find a woman. I took their advice for an entire year and it never really left my mind and I am more sure then ever this is what will make me happy. I haven't talked to them about it again yet. I want to start therapy and that way I have a therapists backing that this is who I truly am.
Well it's funny because I tried so hard to fit in, be a guy and do guy things but it was awful... :(
In my mind I've kept saying "this isn't me!" - it's like I was running from something but didn't entirely know what it was - only now can I accept myself and be true to who I am. When you know you KNOW and there's no denying that anymore.
My councellor has been amazing and helping me through alot of stuff that I kept bottled up for years, it made me massively depressed, self harming and feeling neglected. I'm getting there now, my mind and body is changing, I can wear what I want to wear and be the way I've always wanted too - this isn't something anyone can run away from.
Also as I said before I told my dad and he accepted it for all one one night then said in the morning to my mum "I guess the freak show has started" - it's caused me to have some doubts but really it's nothing new, he's bullied me from a young age, I used to be terrified of him - NOT anymore! All the nights I spent crying and unhappy as a child cause he wanted me to be a boy and stay that way...
He just cannot accept people for who they are on the inside, he's a very old fashioned person with delluded views on the world and the people living in it. Am I really supposed to go on feeling angry and unhappy for the rest of my life because of him? Sorry this probably isn't that place for that but it's hard living with such a stubborn and immature biggot for a father.
*end rant*
Yes seeing a therapist will help alot, my feelings have never been so clear and my mind at ease xx
I am glad that things are progressing well. Going to a therapist and dressing in public is a major start. You are doing well :)
Don't let your father get to you. Hopefully he will accept you for who you are. If not, then it is his loss.
Thanks for the support xx
I actually can't wait to go out again, going for a run tomorrow - trying to shift those excess pounds, lol!
Elle I hope I didn't offend you in some way in the earlier post. You followed my post with quite a rant like you were upset at me for my post.
Elle. This is all wonderful.
It's so good to hear and I am thrilled for you.
Quote from: misschievous on May 18, 2013, 07:51:26 AM
Elle I hope I didn't offend you in some way in the earlier post. You followed my post with quite a rant like you were upset at me for my post.
No I wasn't mad at anyone honest, it's my dad. I spent a good amount of time crying last night as I often find I hate myself for being stuck in this position - despite feeling positive and happy about what I'm doing. My mum and I had a little thing last night, she isn't keen on me wearing her clothes but I'm going to be getting new stuff from Ebay next week, more my style etc. excited about that!!
Todays a new day and all is forgotten, I'll probably never speak to my dad again - he's in denial and always will be...
At my last job I'm pretty certain quite a few co-workers knew I wanted to be a girl but I was so messed up and wouldn't say anything...
I know there's sometimes doubts but I also know I have to do this to be happy in myself, looking in the mirror isn't anywhere near as bad as it was years ago when I was younger and totally messed up. I finally feel like I'm getting somewhere, I feel calm most of the time - something I haven't had in ages.
Also the hair removal cream I bought
totally works!! I'm so glad my skin is smooth and silky for the first time in ages. I hate my facial hair it's a nightmare to live with - eve as a boy I shaved like every day cause it drove me mental, lol! ;D
Thanks again for all the support, you guys and gals are fab! xx
Did you use Nair? if so make sure you be careful and especially don't on your face. I did that first time on my face along with rest of body and I got a chemical burn on face. did Nair on my body a few times after and last time I did my legs started to get warm like it was about to burn.. I wiped off right away and took a 30 minute cold shower. Didn't end up with chemical burn but I think it might have...... Also I couldn't stand the smell and it was stuck in my cloths ever since and I had to throw away those cloths.
Sorry I thought you were lashing out at me... I have been kinda emotional this past week :p
Quote from: FTMDiaries on May 13, 2013, 06:47:26 AM
Here's the NHS's latest advice to doctors about how to treat trans patients. It gives some good advice on the pathway they have to follow, what treatments are available, and it also tells you what to expect at the clinics. It's worth a read: http://www.nhs.uk/Livewell/Transhealth/Documents/gender-dysphoria-guide-for-gps-and-other-health-care-staff.pdf (http://www.nhs.uk/Livewell/Transhealth/Documents/gender-dysphoria-guide-for-gps-and-other-health-care-staff.pdf)
Wow, thanks again FTMdiaries. there is some interesting reading in there. :-)
Quote from: Steph21 on May 19, 2013, 06:07:26 PM
Wow, thanks again FTMdiaries. there is some interesting reading in there. :-)
Isn't there just? I've always believed that 'forewarned is forearmed' and this document gives an excellent insight into what we should expect from the NHS. ;)
I used the Louis Marcel one, it really works! Still have to shave under my chin. It's nice haiving smooth skin for once, always hated that stubbly feeling on my face...
Haven't used Nair as it's quite strong as you say - I shave my underarms and body hair off as it's easier atm.
Can't wait till Thursday, probably my last councelling session for the moment. I'm pretty happy for just now, living daily as myself and getting my thoughts together on the future :angel:
I have just been told that Nottingham have started accepting referrals from primary care.
Just a wee update :)
Looking into laser hair removal for my upper lip. £180 for 6 sessions - going for a test in two weeks time.
I'm wondering now that I'm looking for work should I tell possible employers that I'm transgender or not?
Interesting that you should ask that... I came across a beauty of a document the other day: a guide from the Equality & Human Rights Commission on how the Equality Act 2010 affects employers. It's another cracking read - very long but very detailed and it gives you some good advice about what is & what isn't protected in the workplace (just search it for the word 'gender'): http://www.equalityhumanrights.com/uploaded_files/EqualityAct/employercode.pdf (http://www.equalityhumanrights.com/uploaded_files/EqualityAct/employercode.pdf)
You'll see that you're protected from discrimination based on your trans status even if you haven't told your employers that you're trans. How awesome is that?
My rule of thumb is to not disclose on your CV/cover letter or during the interview stage; but you might want to disclose after you have a written offer of employment, at least to the Personnel department so that they can make sure you're not discriminated against.
Quote from: FTMDiaries on May 22, 2013, 11:37:15 AM
Interesting that you should ask that... I came across a beauty of a document the other day: a guide from the Equality & Human Rights Commission on how the Equality Act 2010 affects employers. It's another cracking read - very long but very detailed and it gives you some good advice about what is & what isn't protected in the workplace (just search it for the word 'gender'): http://www.equalityhumanrights.com/uploaded_files/EqualityAct/employercode.pdf (http://www.equalityhumanrights.com/uploaded_files/EqualityAct/employercode.pdf)
You'll see that you're protected from discrimination based on your trans status even if you haven't told your employers that you're trans. How awesome is that?
My rule of thumb is to not disclose on your CV/cover letter or during the interview stage; but you might want to disclose after you have a written offer of employment, at least to the Personnel department so that they can make sure you're not discriminated against.
Thank you FTMDiaries :)
I'm going out again today to councelling - dressed in my old clothes as mum doesn't like me wearing hers. Still with my bra and panties on and light makeup. My pink hat and bangels on - the most femanine jeans I can find in my wardrobe and my purple hoodie.
Last week felt great but wearing the extension pieces made me feel less me - my hair is so short and I just want it to grow. I don't have any patience lol! I also felt alittle weird in that I wore my mums clothes and although they were fine - it's not really my style...
How long does the Gender Clinic take to get appointments going? I've been over a week and not had any word so far... think I'll give them a ring myself to find out if I'm in their system.
Quote from: Elle16 on May 22, 2013, 11:29:36 AM
Looking into laser hair removal for my upper lip. £180 for 6 sessions - going for a test in two weeks time.
Don't expect laser to get everything. Ask the professional how to deal with the area and follow the advice.
You'll probably have to get electrolysis for the really stubborn hairs which stings on the upper lip.
QuoteI'm wondering now that I'm looking for work should I tell possible employers that I'm transgender or not?
Depends upon your time frame. If your interviewed as Fred and intend presenting as Jane from the following sunrise then not telling the potential boss might be considered a touch unfair. But if the presentation change is months away I would suggest that you prove yourself as a valuable employee before telling the employer.
Bear in mind that when you change your name your work history disappears unless you are willing to put Jane formerly Fred on your resume as has been suggested (and rejected) to me.
Quote from: Elle16 on May 20, 2013, 09:48:49 AM
Haven't used Nair as it's quite strong as you say - I shave my underarms and body hair off as it's easier atm.
It is really strong and it doesn't last long. It didn't take long for the hair to grow back. As for the chemical burn on my face, I had to shave for a week with that on and it hurt. I decided that I am just going to wait until my Electrolysis to rid myself of body and facial hair. I can't wait!!!!! :D
Quote from: bunyip on May 24, 2013, 09:22:10 PM
Don't expect laser to get everything. Ask the professional how to deal with the area and follow the advice.
You'll probably have to get electrolysis for the really stubborn hairs which stings on the upper lip.
Depends upon your time frame. If your interviewed as Fred and intend presenting as Jane from the following sunrise then not telling the potential boss might be considered a touch unfair. But if the presentation change is months away I would suggest that you prove yourself as a valuable employee before telling the employer.
Bear in mind that when you change your name your work history disappears unless you are willing to put Jane formerly Fred on your resume as has been suggested (and rejected) to me.
Isn't laser the best treatment though? Spending £180 isn't exactly a luxuary for me atm - I could buy clothes, shoes and accessories off that money but I thought it'd be better spent on my facial hair. The area above my lip is annyoying - I cannot stand having to shave and pluck any more. I was sure laser would be the best treatment for me - the lady assures me it'll take only 6 sessions and the hair won't come back.
I aslo asked how painful it'll be and she replied "it's like a rubber band snapping against your skin..." - that sounds really painful!! :'(
If I can't take the pain I'll have to look into electrolysis as my only other option. The hair on my face isn't that bad tbh - it's stubborn but I've been using the Louis Marcel hair remover cream and it's made things alittle easier to manage. I still have to shave which is the Most annoying thing ever! I hate shaving as it breaks my skin and causes those wee bumps...
That's really why I looked into laser, I'm hopeful it'll ridd me of this hair for good - then my confidence can shine through.
I'm currently debating the work situation. I had a discussion with my councellor about it and he said I could go in male persona until I feel comfortable being the woman I know I am. But in all honesty starting on the job centre as Mr then changing to Miss is really not something I want to do... I've had a few jobs in customer service but I don't know if I'd want to do that again anyway...
Walking back from councelling the other day was another strange one too. I had to look out my most femanine jeans... needless to say these were not flattering on me in the slightest! And I have to wear guys shoes as I can't find any woman's size 12's that fit me...
With my makeup on, hair hidden under my pink hat and no extensions - who knew what I looked like... But again I was able to look people in the eye - this is really surprising as I always walk with my head down, so there's pride in me being seen as becomming a woman.
I've also said about how quickly things are moving and maybe it's best to slow things down a tad. I want my family to accept me as I am - but always dressing in mums clothes, wearing tons of makeup etc. just isn't me really. I cannot wait for my tops and make-up from Ebay to come in the next few days, so excited about that!! It's great to re-discover my own style and look afterall these years.
I don't think I'll ever use Nair or wax... that's too painful!
Going to see what happens with the hair removal test, if I survive it :)
Laser is the quicker treatment, by a lot. But it does not work well on lighter or blonde hairs. These would have to be removed with electolysis. And saying either hurts should get the setting turned down, a the cost of possible reduced effectivness.
I'm not aware of other treatments working for hair removal.
Try buying your cloths from a second hand stores. They are cheaper and you can try them on to ensure they fit before buying them. Doing so will also help with your confidence.
Thanks xx
I've thought about second hand shops too, you get some nice clothes in there from time to time.
1 week today till I go for the laser test... *gulp*
I'm thinking I might ask how often they have offers on at the salon, wanting to get other areas done soon after. The £180 is a special price - £30 per session now as it's normally £50...
Quote from: Sammy on May 28, 2013, 05:39:11 AM
I am currently researching on the IPL equipment - several MTFs here swear by IPL epilators that they do the same as the laser, while not burning Your skin. Essential requirements are the same - You need light skin and dark hair. In the long run, home laser is better, since You own the equipment and do not need anything else (the new Tria 2013 from the States costs around 600 USD plus shipping plus stupid VAT/customs charges...), whereas for the IPL You would need to replace the cartridges/lamps. The standard capacity is ~ 1000 flashes, but new Silk'n'Sense Flash and Go Lux comes with extra precision lamp with 5000 flashes, which should be quite enough for my face and it costs around 230 GPB... So I am slowly leaning towards the IPL...
May I ask what effect does that Louis Marcel creme have and how long it lasts?
I've looked into home systems too but the cost is quite expensive - I'd rather get everything done in the salon, by a professional and know that my skin etc. isn't at risk.
The Louis Marcel cream is good - it definetly moves that hair further up the shaft ready to fall out. It's not so good around my neck area where the hair is very thick and coarse. I still have to shave every couple of days but my skins soft and nice for a while, which makes me very happy. I's more about the lip area for me, I can still see that shadow under my make-up and it's very, very annoying. If I get rid of that hair I'm sure I'll be alot happier :)