Hey guys,
I was just wondering what you guys think of this. Sometimes threads pop up about dating and such, and dating sites, and the term ->-bleeped-<-s is used. I am not sure I understand this concept, but ->-bleeped-<-s are people who actively seek out (for example) transguys because of their original plumming, don't they? Forgive me if I'm wrong.
I was wondering if I would be considered a ->-bleeped-<-. Lately I feel very lonely, and I would love to meet someone/that special person. I haven't had surgery yet, and I've only been so long on T, so I still look partially like a female. This means that dating other guys (I'm gay) is pretty much out of the question. This made me think, and whenever I think about a partner, I think another gay transguy would be perfect.
Why? Not because of what parts they may or may not have, but because of the connection and shared experiences. Sexually, I couldn't care less. I don't like my body, and having sex right now is something I barely consider. But emotionally, I think another FtM (or whatever term you prefer) would be great because we would understand each other, and treat each other as real guys because that's what we are. I think that mutual understanding and respect would be an awesome base for a relationship. Of course, I still wouldn't know where to meet someone, but it is just a thought now (and any suggestions on how to meet other transguys are welcome!).
What do you guys think? Is that considered being a ->-bleeped-<-? This term is always used in a negative sense, so I sincerely hope not.
To me, nope. That's just called having a preference. Nothing wrong with that as long as you're seeking an emotional connection in my opinion.
As for meeting other transguys, try some local transgender support groups near you if you have any.
All mammals have a herding Instinct , it increases the odds for their survival.
observe humans ( of any age ) they collect together in the "priority" of age then sex ( male / female ), race, dress, religion and so on.
We seek friends based on similarity and proximity.
We seek a mate also based on a priority structure- priority # 1 - if you feel you are female then you will seek someone over 4 inches taller then you.
If you feel you are male then you will seek someone over 4 inches shorter then you.
You are lonely and seek a friend- someone who you can talk to and do things together.
No, I wouldn't say you're a ->-bleeped-<- at all. I've never seen any kind of concrete definition of one but I always interpreted it as being somebody who is attracted to another person simply because of what they have and not who they are or what they've experienced. Like, if you were fetishizing ftms' bodies and appearances instead of seeking one out because you guys could connect on a very deep emotional level, that would very definitely be chasing.
I think ->-bleeped-<-s are individuals that seek out trans people just to have sex with them for the sole reason they are trans. Not a relationship even - just sex. They may use a relationship to facilitate it superficially.
Quote from: ForWantOf on July 23, 2013, 01:08:46 PM
Like, if you were fetishizing ftms' bodies and appearances instead of seeking one out because you guys could connect on a very deep emotional level, that would very definitely be chasing.
I agree - ->-bleeped-<-s fetishize trans people. That's the line.
Quote from: spacerace on July 23, 2013, 01:22:56 PM
I think ->-bleeped-<-s are individuals that seek out trans people just to have sex with them for the sole reason they are trans. Not a relationship even - just sex. They may use a relationship to facilitate it superficially.
^This.
It irks me that just because someone is solely attracted to trans people for relationships they get coined a "->-bleeped-<-". I think it's a great thing that some cis (or other trans) people seek us out for relationships. Why wouldn't that be good for us? It boggles my mind that there are transguys who complain about being lonely but they turn their nose up at anyone who openly expresses the desire to date trans folks.
Even if someone is attempting pursue trans people solely for sex I don't see the issue with it. As long as both people are aware and consenting to it. It's when people try to deceive that it becomes an issue.
To the OP: You're not a ->-bleeped-<-. The only thing you're chasing is happiness. Go for it.
"->-bleeped-<-" can be used for anyone who actively seeks a certain type of person to get pleasure from. I've mainly heard it used in the "chub-->-bleeped-<-" context (gay men who go after overweight/obese gay men). I don't think you're necessarily a ->-bleeped-<- because you're looking for something more on an emotional level rather than just a physical one.
Like Simon, I see no problem with ->-bleeped-<-s as long as everyone knows what's going on and is consenting.
Can someone point me to where all these women congregate who only want to use me for sex?
Unless some weird self-fetishism is involved, I find it hard to label trans individuals as ->-bleeped-<-s. I think I might prefer to date another transgirl for the direct criticism and similar experiences, honestly.
Thanks for the replies, guys. It is good to know that I wouldn't be considered a ->-bleeped-<-.
However, I still struggle to understand the exact difference between just normal preferences and being a ->-bleeped-<-/someone with a fetish. After all, the fact I would look for a transguy would be due to emotional needs as opposite to physical needs. But aren't we all physically biased in a way? When you are straight, you would go for girls because they physically attract you, not men. That is called a preference. But when you would be physically attracted to someone who would have, say, breasts -and- a penis, it is called a fetish? Is this all due to what is the norm and socially accepted? Being straight and thus preferring and persuing girls is most common and thus accepted, but preferring someone with out of norm equipment is not?
Don't get me wrong, I'm still rather gay and just prefer men, but I'm trying to wrap my head around this.
Quote from: tvc15 on July 23, 2013, 09:02:28 PM
Can someone point me to where all these women congregate who only want to use me for sex?
Pretty much this! Wouldn't mind a break from fapping now that I'm newly single ;D
Quote from: Simon on July 23, 2013, 07:38:43 PM
^This.
It irks me that just because someone is solely attracted to trans people for relationships they get coined a "->-bleeped-<-". I think it's a great thing that some cis (or other trans) people seek us out for relationships. Why wouldn't that be good for us? It boggles my mind that there are transguys who complain about being lonely but they turn their nose up at anyone who openly expresses the desire to date trans folks.
Even if someone is attempting pursue trans people solely for sex I don't see the issue with it. As long as both people are aware and consenting to it. It's when people try to deceive that it becomes an issue.
To the OP: You're not a ->-bleeped-<-. The only thing you're chasing is happiness. Go for it.
I hate to barge in on the guy's forum but I agree with Simon 100%. I find anyone that is attracted to me flattering. What we are attracted to in other people is just as much out of our control as being transgendered. I have known quite a few guys that could be deemed "->-bleeped-<-s" and all but one of them were just average guys that just happened to be attracted to trans women.
Don't worry about it Mr. X. We can't control how people percieve us. Just chase your own happiness and who you're attracted to.
Quote from: Mr.X on July 23, 2013, 12:37:07 PM
I was wondering if I would be considered a ->-bleeped-<-. Lately I feel very lonely, and I would love to meet someone/that special person. I haven't had surgery yet, and I've only been so long on T, so I still look partially like a female. This means that dating other guys (I'm gay) is pretty much out of the question. This made me think, and whenever I think about a partner, I think another gay transguy would be perfect.
If that makes you a ->-bleeped-<-, then I'm one, too (you're not).
Quote from: Mr.X on July 24, 2013, 06:24:55 AM
Thanks for the replies, guys. It is good to know that I wouldn't be considered a ->-bleeped-<-.
However, I still struggle to understand the exact difference between just normal preferences and being a ->-bleeped-<-/someone with a fetish. After all, the fact I would look for a transguy would be due to emotional needs as opposite to physical needs. But aren't we all physically biased in a way? When you are straight, you would go for girls because they physically attract you, not men. That is called a preference. But when you would be physically attracted to someone who would have, say, breasts -and- a penis, it is called a fetish? Is this all due to what is the norm and socially accepted? Being straight and thus preferring and persuing girls is most common and thus accepted, but preferring someone with out of norm equipment is not?
Don't get me wrong, I'm still rather gay and just prefer men, but I'm trying to wrap my head around this.
I would venture to guess that someone's a "->-bleeped-<-" if they're objectifying the person. Physically, everyone has some sort of preference; I don't think a preference for someone who has breasts and a penis should be considered a fetish, because while it's unusual, it's still as valid a preference as being attracted to someone with a more typical anatomy.
People who aren't ->-bleeped-<-s see the people they're interested in as more than just those aspects they find desirable. ->-bleeped-<-s, in contrast, could have very "normal" preferences but what sets them apart is they focus on that to the point of disregarding the individual's personhood (not sure if that's the right word).
So, someone with a preference who isn't a ->-bleeped-<- would perceive someone they're interested in as a person who happens to have certain desirable physical qualities, while a ->-bleeped-<- would perceive someone they're interested in as a set of certain desirable physical qualities that happen to belong to a person.
Quote from: Mr.X on July 24, 2013, 06:24:55 AM
Thanks for the replies, guys. It is good to know that I wouldn't be considered a ->-bleeped-<-.
However, I still struggle to understand the exact difference between just normal preferences and being a ->-bleeped-<-/someone with a fetish.
I think the term ->-bleeped-<- is really associated with men who pick up trans women just for the experience and then end up hurting them emotionally after their sexual curiosities are satisfied. If the person does this repeatedly, he then becomes a ->-bleeped-<-.
edit: didn't mean to single out genders - I just meant the cultural use of the term. Of course any gender can be a ->-bleeped-<-, and trans guys are obviously 'chased' as well.
->-bleeped-<-s have a kind of pattern. They have an assumption and idea of what they think it means to be trans. From my experiences, they generally won't use the language I use to describe myself (I call myself a "trans man" they use FTM and only FTM). In my experiences they have said things like that I'm the best of both worlds, or that they just love the masculine energy of butches and FTMs. Really, I don't get the whole masculine energy thing. A ->-bleeped-<- generally wants somebody who looks like a twink, hairless, young looking, and thin/muscular. Most of my experiences have been with people who ID as lesbians, but there are lots of straight men that I've dealt with too. In my experience, a person who is a ->-bleeped-<- would want you to be their idea of trans. Usually this means either being non-op or only having top surgery (even if YOU want to have bottom surgery).
For me, specifically...I don't feel comfortable dating or sleeping with somebody who would feel completely uncomfortable with doing so if I were cis (non-trans). ->-bleeped-<-s generally are not attracted to men but "make an exception" because of presumed genital configuration.
So, having said all of that...if you'd be cool dating a post-op trans person, or if you're attracted to men and include trans men in that definition...probably not a ->-bleeped-<-. I've actually been told I'm not trans by ->-bleeped-<-s because I don't want to sleep with them, or I don't meet their ideas of what a trans person should be.
Quote from: tvc15 on July 23, 2013, 09:02:28 PM
Can someone point me to where all these women congregate who only want to use me for sex?
Dyke bars
Why is it, just a question, that if people seek out males with penises that would be ok. And if people seek out women with vaginas that's ok. But if people seek out gender variant that is fetishizing. I don't know why that necessarily is.
--Jay
Quote from: aleon515 on July 24, 2013, 02:22:58 PM
Why is it, just a question, that if people seek out males with penises that would be ok. And if people seek out women with vaginas that's ok. But if people seek out gender variant that is fetishizing. I don't know why that necessarily is.
--Jay
It's fetishizing to say you're seeking out people who are gender variant who aren't. If somebody were to say "I really like gender variant people" but mean it about me, I would have a problem because well...I have a binary identity.
Quote from: Nygeel on July 24, 2013, 02:37:43 PM
It's fetishizing to say you're seeking out people who are gender variant who aren't. If somebody were to say "I really like gender variant people" but mean it about me, I would have a problem because well...I have a binary identity.
This and also agreeing with your other post, too.
->-bleeped-<-s tend to put their fantasy expectations on trans people in general, or desire a certain aspect that not all trans people share. Y'know, because we're all individuals and not cloned copies of the same idea. They might put trans people up on a pedestal and say things like "I'm a lesbian/I'm a straight guy, I
only date trans men and women!" or "I'm a straight woman/a gay dude, I
only date men and trans women!" etc, which can be invalidating and really offensive to many of the people they've taken an interest in.
To the OP, I don't see anything particularly wrong with you wanting to be with someone who can understand your experiences or go through them with you. You're not seeking out trans men because you think they're MenLite™, or that they're not men but rather a butch fetish fantasy or something, you just want someone who gets you. And I think it's normal to want that? I mean, you're gay, you like men. At this point in your life, you'd like to be with another trans man.
I'd also like to throw in there that ultimately when it comes to dating, yeah, as a pre everything dude it might be hard to find a cis guy who gets it and understands you're a man, but I'd also like to note that there are cis folk who are starting to understand and not discount trans people from their dating pool just because they haven't done anything transition wise.
Quote from: Nygeel on July 24, 2013, 02:37:43 PM
It's fetishizing to say you're seeking out people who are gender variant who aren't. If somebody were to say "I really like gender variant people" but mean it about me, I would have a problem because well...I have a binary identity.
Well that's true. But some of us don't. I honestly can't think of anything wrong with this. I see though having some kind of fantasy expectation that you have no interest meeting.
I know a ciswoman who likes trans guys. I know some people who date her. I have listened to what she says, and I don't really see anything wrong with her. But in the abstract...
--Jay
Quote from: aleon515 on July 24, 2013, 05:48:31 PM
Well that's true. But some of us don't. I honestly can't think of anything wrong with this. I see though having some kind of fantasy expectation that you have no interest meeting.
I know a ciswoman who likes trans guys. I know some people who date her. I have listened to what she says, and I don't really see anything wrong with her. But in the abstract...
--Jay
If you want to date her, cool...but it's not something I'd be okay with (for me...really don't have an investment in you dating her lol). I just don't feel comfortable supporting somebody who says I'm gender variant.
->-bleeped-<-s, from what I've come to understand about them, have a rather narrow-minded view. The refusal to see trans guys as male, or trans women as female. They are (like others have stated) set on their own ideals of what trans* is and isn't, and those ideals aren't necessarily correct or even inoffensive.
Sure, they're attracted, and if people want to sleep with them it's none of my business. To each their own, you know? But I don't think it's the same as being attracted to trans* people while being open-minded and accepting of personal gender preferences.
I don't decribe you as a ->-bleeped-<- specially not because your having the emotional part into consideration and just being openminded in general.
But I don't see the big ->-bleeped-<- taboo.
first as simon says not everyone who got interesting in transgenders are bad people, so I feel the stigma need to stop. theres many people who like transgenders like many transgender likes cisgenders, that should be okay.
for me it isn't really just black or white?
I prefern pre up transguys over cisguys, I think black women are hot more often than I think white women are, and I think people wearing Hijab are beutiful.
its not like I nessesarry jump everyone in those categories but having it as a + or part of my attraction dose that make me a ->-bleeped-<-?
is a gay man who only is attracted to guys less than 30 a chaiser? a man who log in farm-wife.com for that seach a chaiser? is a hetrosexual man who only likes skinny girls a chaiser?
---
maybe..? I am unsure the diffrence of sexual preference and chaiser, I belive it lays in the word or the meaning,
For me a chaiser isnt nessesarry bad but it depend on the concent/agrement between the people.
deep down its how the person threat you and how you want to be threated back who matter.
I think the reason people get labelled a "->-bleeped-<-" is that they like a certain trait, and not the actual person that has the trait. Like a trans-->-bleeped-<- would like someone just because they're trans, not because they see them as a person. Well, that's why I understood it to be, I might be wrong.
Quote from: Nygeel on July 24, 2013, 05:59:34 PM
If you want to date her, cool...but it's not something I'd be okay with (for me...really don't have an investment in you dating her lol). I just don't feel comfortable supporting somebody who says I'm gender variant.
It wasn't anybody at all. It was a completely theoretical question on my part. I am not calling YOU gender variant. The person I described IS a real person, but not someone I would date (age more than anything). I think she prefers trans guys but I think that she is NOT a ->-bleeped-<-.
If someone came on here (which has happened), saying they are interested in dating transguys, I usually don't like it. I think they are objectifying or something. But a real person who dates real people I know, I hesitate to use a word I see a denigrating.
--Jay
I don't think it's inappropriate to be attracted to someone. You can't really help your preferences, even if they might change periodically throughout your life span.
I've had a few guys try to hit on me because I'm trans. It's very clear when someone is only into me for what he thinks I am vs being into me because he likes who I am.
Quote from: randomroads on July 25, 2013, 04:43:12 PM
I don't think it's inappropriate to be attracted to someone. You can't really help your preferences, even if they might change periodically throughout your life span.
I've had a few guys try to hit on me because I'm trans. It's very clear when someone is only into me for what he thinks I am vs being into me because he likes who I am.
Well yeah, if they JUST like you because you're trans, that's bad. But if part of their attraction is to trans, I think that's something else.
--Jay
Quote from: aleon515 on July 25, 2013, 11:48:31 PM
Well yeah, if they JUST like you because you're trans, that's bad. But if part of their attraction is to trans, I think that's something else.
--Jay
I think it goes for everything basically.