Hi everyone,
I'm wondering if anyone else is having a hard time choosing a name? I think you just kind of become your name (to quote Shakespeare, a rose by any other name, type thing), so to all of a sudden change it feels a little strange.
I have been going by Steve, and my birth name (current name) begins with S and I wanted to keep that so at least my initials would be the same.
Anyway, my questions are
1. How many of you found a name that just fitted right away, and how many found it hard?
2. If you found it hard or odd to change your name did you get used to it over time. As in did you grow into it?
I have been using Steve for a few months now, but my boyfriend (who I'll be staying with as I'm gay and he's bi so it works out ok for us) doesn't like it as his brother is called Steve. I can understand this, but now I don't know what to do.
I am not out apart from to a handful of people, but I am a month into my 3 months of counselling/psychotherapy and am seeing the specialist the week after next. So I'm hoping to start T sometime before Christmas (hopefully closer to the end of Oct). I know you need to do 1 year RLE before chest surgery so I kind of want to make these decisions fairly quickly so I can officially change my name.
Thanks,
Steve (or maybe not!!!!!)
Yes, I have started looking at names other than S, but I actually find it quite stressful. I really don't know. Hence why I wondered if that was normal. I think it's fun to be able to choose your name, but for some reason I'm finding it hard! :(
I wish I'd been given a name that was easily changed to a male name, that would be easier. Although I can Also see the benefit of something completely different making it all a new start.
Agggggggg.....lol
Yeah I guess so. It needs time. It was only today that my BF really made his feelings clear, so it's early days for trying to now get used to something different again.
The other thing is my Mum's ex husband (and so also the father of my two half sisters) was called Steve. I hadn't thought of that either until I told my parents that was the name I was thinking of. That was a long time ago now, so my Mum says she's fine with the name, but I'm not out to my sisters yet.
I think the other problem could be to do with being older, I'm 39. When I was younger I hated my girly name of course, but now it just seems like me. So given the choice I'd keep it, but can't as it's too girly.
I'm not ftm but I think this works the same both ways, so here goes...
Of course it's hard to choose a name for yourself :) I mean, who ever have experience in doing that? I remember the years leading up to my transition I was thinking about all sort of names, and to be honest, some of the candidate names weren't all that good.
I think that when we choose our own name we tend to pick a name that symbolizes something we identify with. In my case it was the feminine, so I was dreaming up all these names that I thought were ultra feminine. Sometimes I couldn't decide between two I really likes, so I tried them as a combo. Not always a good idea.
When it came time to pick a name I chucked them all and picked my female version of my former name. It took me 10 seconds to come up with it and decide. Since I put so little thought into it and kept it highly similar to my birth name it doesn't really feel like I named myself but rather that my parents did it for me.
I like my name, but I was never in love with it and I had no previous attachment to it. As it turns out it fits me rather well so I'm very happy with it.
Quote from: androidnick on August 18, 2013, 12:49:27 PM
Maybe you can work with it? I had a teacher who's name was Tracy. And he got teased even in class but he worked with it. If anyone gives you crap, just be like "so what?" If you like your name why should you try and change yourself so other people aren't bothered by it? I just think if you embrace the name you shouldn't feel pressured into changing it.
Hmmm, good idea, but I'm not so keen on that one :) I do know a male Stacey however (no that's not me!). No one would argue with him, he was huge, a bouncer and a bit rough!!!
Quote from: Stevefromengland on August 18, 2013, 12:14:17 PM
1. How many of you found a name that just fitted right away, and how many found it hard?
2. If you found it hard or odd to change your name did you get used to it over time. As in did you grow into it?
1. It took me awhile - I kept thinking of name I liked, and then I would remember someone I knew at some point that had that name and reject it based on that. After doing that for a bit and not finding anything, I thought I wanted to use a male version of my female name - but then that didn't work out because it kept reminding me of the old name whenever I would think about it. I also didn't want people to say something like (not my old name) Samantha is now Samuel ! or anything like that.
I eventually picked something in a sort of a random way after months of deliberation, and it worked out.
2. I don't enforce the name switch with the only people I interact with (they just call me the old name nickname that is gender neutral), but I like seeing it on my accounts and such - I think I will get used to it more when I start making other people use it. I do think of myself that way now in my own internal monologue, so that is something.
in that case, i feel a bit lucky cos my birth name is kinda andro, like there are both boys and girls by that name. so i'd be able to use the same name even if i go for transitioning, and if it still feels girlish, all i have to do is dropping two letters from the end of my name. i'm planning to dump my middle name altogether though. actually i don't think it'll be easy to get used to a totally new name. it might feel weird and you might not even respond quickly when ppl call you. i think its better to remodel your birth name into a male name or find a name that goes close to it. if you are used to being called as steve already, make it stephan or stuart or something like that. i'm just suggesting you know, the decision is yours. after all, its your name
Quote from: MariaMx on August 18, 2013, 12:50:12 PM
I'm not ftm but I think this works the same both ways, so here goes...
Of course it's hard to choose a name for yourself :) I mean, who ever have experience in doing that? I remember the years leading up to my transition I was thinking about all sort of names, and to be honest, some of the candidate names weren't all that good.
I think that when we choose our own name we tend to pick a name that symbolizes something we identify with. In my case it was the feminine, so I was dreaming up all these names that I thought were ultra feminine. Sometimes I couldn't decide between two I really likes, so I tried them as a combo. Not always a good idea.
When it came time to pick a name I chucked them all and picked my female version of my former name. It took me 10 seconds to come up with it and decide. Since I put so little thought into it and kept it highly similar to my birth name it doesn't really feel like I named myself but rather that my parents did it for me.
I like my name, but I was never in love with it and I had no previous attachment to it. As it turns out it fits me rather well so I'm very happy with it.
Hey Maria, thanks for your thoughts on this. Glad I'm not the only one. I just wonder if it actually doesn't matter at all what we pick as in the end the name would just become us, just as our birth names can do.
Interesting thoughts on how your name still feels like your parents picked it. I can really see how that is a good thing. I thought of the name they would have called me if I had been a boy, but I don't really like it. Sigh!!!
Yes I also agree that if we pick a name once we are an adult we can pick a name that suits us in some way.
Jeese it's hard!!!! lol
I think it's harder than the decision to transition in the first place, and that's saying something as I've spent all my life telling myself I will never, ever, ever tell anyone or act on this. I just kind of reached a point where I thought I have to live my life for me rather than worrying about what others think.
Quote from: spacerace on August 18, 2013, 12:54:47 PM
1. It took me awhile - I kept thinking of name I liked, and then I would remember someone I knew at some point that had that name and reject it based on that. After doing that for a bit and not finding anything, I thought I wanted to use a male version of my female name - but then that didn't work out because it kept reminding me of the old name whenever I would think about it. I also didn't want people to say something like (not my old name) Samantha is now Samuel ! or anything like that.
I eventually picked something in a sort of a random way after months of deliberation, and it worked out.
2. I don't enforce the name switch with the only people I interact with (they just call me the old name nickname that is gender neutral), but I like seeing it on my accounts and such - I think I will get used to it more when I start making other people use it. I do think of myself that way now in my own internal monologue, so that is something.
Yes thinking of people I know with a name keeps happening to me too. Which is mad as we all know lots of people so most names we think of will be someone else's name too.
Just goes to show how a name becomes us and not the other way round though. If you like a person, then you like their name and vice versa.
Yes, I don't feel I would need to enforce people around me to use my new name, I don't actually care what people call me, that's very superficial to my body being what I want it to be. I feel like I want them to feel comfortable and wait until T has kicked in enough that it would seem odd to call me by my original girly name.
However, I can also see the point in enforcing it sooner as if you leave it down to the people around them, think how uncomfortable they will then feel when they do make the switch. It will be their 'move' if you like. So to make it your decision and to just tell them that's what you like I feel would be easier for the people around you.
Quote from: ybtheoutlaw on August 18, 2013, 12:56:06 PM
in that case, i feel a bit lucky cos my birth name is kinda andro, like there are both boys and girls by that name. so i'd be able to use the same name even if i go for transitioning, and if it still feels girlish, all i have to do is dropping two letters from the end of my name. i'm planning to dump my middle name altogether though. actually i don't think it'll be easy to get used to a totally new name. it might feel weird and you might not even respond quickly when ppl call you. i think its better to remodel your birth name into a male name or find a name that goes close to it. if you are used to being called as steve already, make it stephan or stuart or something like that. i'm just suggesting you know, the decision is yours. after all, its your name
Yep, I'd love to be in that position :D
Although, maybe starting completely afresh is also a good thing. You have the choice either way, so you're lucky.
Quote from: androidnick on August 18, 2013, 01:15:31 PM
I think from what you have posted, starting fresh sounds like a really wonderful idea for you. And from what I've read on this posting it seems like you've just been very scared for a long time about how people would react in general because you said you're just going to live for yourself from now on. So I think that can manifest itself in choosing a name as well. Don't be scared to choose a completely random name. If it's going to make you happy, screw everything else. It is YOUR life. Live it how you want. And if you want to be Adam, James, Ryan, etc. Be that person! Those who love you will continue to love you and will be happy to see you happy.
Thanks Nick, you just put a smile on my face. I feel there's a lot in what you've said there!!! Thanks!!! :D :D
P.S. Can I change my name on this forum account or would I have to start afresh? :(
Quote from: androidnick on August 18, 2013, 01:27:02 PM
I'm glad! You need to be yourself. I know all of us waste too much time worrying about how everyone around us is going to react or how our decisions for ourselves are going to affect them. Even though really, it doesn't affect them a whole lot whether your name is this or that. I think moments like these we see who our true friends are and if the people are offended by your choices, then should they even be a part of your life?
Yes we do worry too much. That's what's kept me hidden for decades. Although I'm only out to a few people at the mo, I feel so much better. That and the fact that my counsellor is great. I've only had 2 sessions with him, but he changed my way of thinking, in a good way, right from the first session. Having seen many people like this for various things in my life I had not yet come across one who could actually help or male a difference to my life, so I'm really happy. I know he will also guide and help me through any difficult times, so I'm ready for this now. BRING IT ON!!!! :)
As for people not being a part of my life, my BF is the one objecting and I can really see where he's coming from. He'd think of my name and thoughts of his brother would pop into his head. Not such a good thing. On other points he's been a life saver too. Up until recently when I sought help, he was the only person who knew I was trans, and has supported and helped me as a result. That's over the last 9 years. So if it weren't for him, I wouldn't have gone and sought help but kept it hidden even longer, or possibly for the rest of my life!!! So objecting to a name, when I can pick anything else seems like a small wish to me. :D
Quote from: Stevefromengland on August 18, 2013, 12:58:35 PM
Hey Maria, thanks for your thoughts on this. Glad I'm not the only one. I just wonder if it actually doesn't matter at all what we pick as in the end the name would just become us, just as our birth names can do.
Right, that was my general thinking, and the way I did it the name didn't turn out to be an attribute of my personality. Rather the other way around.
Quote
Interesting thoughts on how your name still feels like your parents picked it. I can really see how that is a good thing. I thought of the name they would have called me if I had been a boy, but I don't really like it. Sigh!!!
I looked there too, but the name was totally unacceptable :)
Quote
Yes I also agree that if we pick a name once we are an adult we can pick a name that suits us in some way.
Yes, and this is just what I wanted to avoid. About a year before I got started I was watching the news one day and there was this story about a trans woman transitioning. She had chosen a name for herself, and it was the absolutely most ridiculous name I've ever heard. Totally 100% outrageous. It sounded like the name of the female protagonist in a satirical sci-fi sex novel. I won't repeat it here but I can come up with one similar and just as ridiculous: Beatrixina Chamonix Angeliniqa O'Harah. Yes indeed she did. Sometime later I saw a follow up story about her in a magazine and by then she had changed her name again, but this time to something a lot more normal and sober sounding :)
Also, I've thought about getting a tattoo in the past, but I could never think of anything I felt so certain about that I could live with it painted on my skin for the rest of my life so I never got one. I think there's something similar going on with the name. I guess we are afraid of picking something in the heat of the moment that we will regret later. When I started my transition I didn't know what kind of a woman I would become so it seemed very difficult to guess at what name would fit the person I would become. I could have chosen a frilly name for myself, but luckily I didn't.
I went by my initials for about a year. I kind of came up with a name within that year. Our trans group encourages people to try out names. So I started in the group and went from there. Another thing that I did early on is order things in my name. It doesn't exactly get it flowing off the tip of your tongue. I know some people have had friends call them the name and see how it starts to sound.
--Jay
Mine was easy; it was a name I liked in the 4th grade, and also happened to be pretty close to the male version of my given name. I dislike the nickname that goes along with it, but it's a heck of a lot better than my given name (which I always hated). I also wanted to keep my initials, as I'm older as well and dislike change. The name really fits.
So maybe start with a masculinized version of your current name, and go from there. there can be lots of variations with the letters; you can also pick Steve/Steven/Stephen if that's what you really want. Lots of people have the same name. But then with your sig other you can go by whatever middle name you pick. Conversely you could use Steve as your middle name. I wouldn't discard a name because someone else doesn't like it. It's YOUR name, not theirs.
Having looked through a few names Matthew, or Matt for short has kind of grown on me. What to people think of that one? I know you lot don't know me so it's kind of a silly question. However choosing such a well used name might not be so good. I don;t want anything obscure or that will seem old in another 30 or 40 years though, so I quite like that.
Matt
(signing off as Matt, so see how it feels :) )
Matt is great. I like it :)
I've always really liked the name Max, the middle one I'm still debating but i think that I've found one I really like now. It took me a bit to think that I should actually use it, including it jumping out at me on lists of names. At first I was apprehensive and worried that it might not be the right choice for me, but as I had people use it in my daily life it helped me realize that those worries had no basis in anything, and even began automatically looking up whenever I heard it (or thought I did, kind of bad if people are debating over Mac vs. PC) within a matter of a week. Took me a very long time to start responding to my old name, and even then half the time I wouldn't even notice if people were calling me.
When I first picked it, I was shy about telling people, though once I did it got a whole lot easier. It's good if you can have one or two trusted friends help you out on that, and if you decide you need to go back to the drawing board, then they can maybe lend a hand in picking one. Good luck, Matt!
(By the way, I think that's a great name. It's one of the ones I considered, and I have a couple of friends with that given name who wouldn't change it for anything, All up to you, though.)
Quote from: Mattfromengland on August 18, 2013, 04:28:55 PM
Having looked through a few names Matthew, or Matt for short has kind of grown on me. What to people think of that one? I know you lot don't know me so it's kind of a silly question. However choosing such a well used name might not be so good. I don;t want anything obscure or that will seem old in another 30 or 40 years though, so I quite like that.
Matt
(signing off as Matt, so see how it feels :) )
I've managed to change my nickname to Matt, but can't change my actual username. Anyone know if this is possible or would I need to re-register under a new name? Just wondering if a moderator could do it?
Not wanting to do it yet though, as I could possible work my way through a few names before deciding. Although I think I quite like Matt :D
Was there a specific name you wished you had when you were a kid? It might feel more "you" if you know you always wanted it. For example, almost by complete accident, Alex is a name I wanted when I was younger, and considered trying to get everyone to call me that, but no one played along. My middle name, Luke, is also something I told people was my middle name when I was even younger. I completely forgot about both these things, but after I chose my name I remembered, and I felt a lot pretty certain they were the right names for me.
I had a similar thing with initials, I wanted to have a name which started with an 'A' because of my birth name beginning with a 'Z' (the name that I ended life pretending to be a girl/alphabet on, and then name I began afresh on). At first I went by Adam, but stuff happened, and I had a niggling feeling that I wished I'd picked Alex. I went through a short phase of using Alec, because my ex was going by Alex at the time, but I got over that, and felt that Alec was too foreign for me anyway.
As for changing your name on here, I dunno if anyone mentioned it already, but you can change the name everyone else sees, just not the one you log in with. So you all know me as "AlexanderC", but the username I put in the sign in box is "AdamMLP".
EDIT: Matt's what I would have been named by my parents, and a potential extra middle name, so I like it. If you're worrying about a name getting out of date, chose a name that was popular in your birth year. Mine are by accident, but if you called yourself something popular at the moment (the only thing I can think of is the Trans "stereotype" of "Ayden/Jayden/Kayden/*den") you might stick out like a sore thumb. I like the name Scott, but it's too old for my generation, like Steve is actually. Or Dave (I used to get called that a lot because I try and fix everything, and apparently it's a handymans name lol)
Quote from: Liminal Stranger on August 18, 2013, 04:35:44 PM
I've always really liked the name Max, the middle one I'm still debating but i think that I've found one I really like now. It took me a bit to think that I should actually use it, including it jumping out at me on lists of names. At first I was apprehensive and worried that it might not be the right choice for me, but as I had people use it in my daily life it helped me realize that those worries had no basis in anything, and even began automatically looking up whenever I heard it (or thought I did, kind of bad if people are debating over Mac vs. PC) within a matter of a week. Took me a very long time to start responding to my old name, and even then half the time I wouldn't even notice if people were calling me.
When I first picked it, I was shy about telling people, though once I did it got a whole lot easier. It's good if you can have one or two trusted friends help you out on that, and if you decide you need to go back to the drawing board, then they can maybe lend a hand in picking one. Good luck, Matt!
(By the way, I think that's a great name. It's one of the ones I considered, and I have a couple of friends with that given name who wouldn't change it for anything, All up to you, though.)
Mmm I'm with you 100% on how you respond to your name. Your brain learns your name, so if it's new you won't react to it. And the same with feeling shy about telling people. I really felt embarrassed about discussing names, it's odd.
I just spoke to my parents and their reaction to Matt was ok. Whereas from both them and my boyfriend (the only people I'm out to so far apart from professionals) instant response was to tell me that's so and so's name. My Dad suggested I should get my BF to call me a name for a while and see how I take to it. That's a great idea, but he's away at the moment.
Yeah, I like Max too, although I don't think it's me. I know a couple of Max's so I have good associations with the name. Sounds like you've found something that works with you, so I'd go with it. Although as everyone says, it's up to you :D
Quote from: AlexanderC on August 18, 2013, 04:41:29 PM
Was there a specific name you wished you had when you were a kid? It might feel more "you" if you know you always wanted it. For example, almost by complete accident, Alex is a name I wanted when I was younger, and considered trying to get everyone to call me that, but no one played along. My middle name, Luke, is also something I told people was my middle name when I was even younger. I completely forgot about both these things, but after I chose my name I remembered, and I felt a lot pretty certain they were the right names for me.
I had a similar thing with initials, I wanted to have a name which started with an 'A' because of my birth name beginning with a 'Z' (the name that I ended life pretending to be a girl/alphabet on, and then name I began afresh on). At first I went by Adam, but stuff happened, and I had a niggling feeling that I wished I'd picked Alex. I went through a short phase of using Alec, because my ex was going by Alex at the time, but I got over that, and felt that Alec was too foreign for me anyway.
As for changing your name on here, I dunno if anyone mentioned it already, but you can change the name everyone else sees, just not the one you log in with. So you all know me as "AlexanderC", but the username I put in the sign in box is "AdamMLP".
Alex it sounds like you managed to find the right name for you, almost like going through a process. That's great.
I think I would get annoyed having to log in under Steve if I opted for Matt. Wondering if to re-register. Hmmmmmm
1. How many of you found a name that just fitted right away, and how many found it hard?
Ever since grade school I always used male aliases. Then I stumbled upon the name Devon which I really liked. I gave myself the name Devon Kai ( So I could have the initials D.K ) and I used that exclusively in college. I loved that name and still use it for my facebook and stuff. But when I moved to a new town a couple years ago something funny happened. I got a job where I had to use my birth name on my name tag. People still gendered me as male...even with that name. But I hated being called it so I shortened it to Shawn ( From Shante) and that name stuck ever since.
2. If you found it hard or odd to change your name did you get used to it over time. As in did you grow into it?
It was hard in college being called Devon because it was not like my birth name in any sense. I kind of got used to it but sometimes I would get the "who me?" type of feeling. When I switched to Shawn it felt way more natural. I think because the first 3 letters are the same and therefore make the same sound. So when being called I automatically respond. I use Shawn in my daily life except on things where it matters because I haven't gotten a name change yet.
Good luck finding a name you like. My best advice would be not to try and force it. Chose a name and let it linger for a while. Don't chose a name you don't love because IMO it will be that much harder to identify with it.
Quote from: thatboyfresh on August 18, 2013, 05:22:21 PM
1. How many of you found a name that just fitted right away, and how many found it hard?
Ever since grade school I always used male aliases. Then I stumbled upon the name Devon which I really liked. I gave myself the name Devon Kai ( So I could have the initials D.K ) and I used that exclusively in college. I loved that name and still use it for my facebook and stuff. But when I moved to a new town a couple years ago something funny happened. I got a job where I had to use my birth name on my name tag. People still gendered me as male...even with that name. But I hated being called it so I shortened it to Shawn ( From Shante) and that name stuck ever since.
2. If you found it hard or odd to change your name did you get used to it over time. As in did you grow into it?
It was hard in college being called Devon because it was not like my birth name in any sense. I kind of got used to it but sometimes I would get the "who me?" type of feeling. When I switched to Shawn it felt way more natural. I think because the first 3 letters are the same and therefore make the same sound. So when being called I automatically respond. I use Shawn in my daily life except on things where it matters because I haven't gotten a name change yet.
Good luck finding a name you like. My best advice would be not to try and force it. Chose a name and let it linger for a while. Don't chose a name you don't love because IMO it will be that much harder to identify with it.
Hey thanks, good advice there. I will see how I go on here with Matt and see how it feels. Something feels right inside though, more so than with Steve. So fingers crossed.
I know there's no real hurry anyway, as I can always change it further down the line. Even if I get my gender and name updated on things, it's far easier just to change your name, so I could always do that again in a year or two if I really wanted.
Thanks again,
Matt
1. How many of you found a name that just fitted right away, and how many found it hard?
Well the first name came easy, the middle just fell into place, and last name... ::)
2. If you found it hard or odd to change your name did you get used to it over time. As in did you grow into it?
The first name was easy as pie and it's just "me" so to speak but I'm still having difficulty picking a last name and it sucks because the ability to change it legally is coming up quickly. It needs changing asap because I refuse to get a job or bank account with the current stupid name and that obviously is a problem.
Quote from: Frank on August 18, 2013, 05:31:51 PM
1. How many of you found a name that just fitted right away, and how many found it hard?
Well the first name came easy, the middle just fell into place, and last name... ::)
2. If you found it hard or odd to change your name did you get used to it over time. As in did you grow into it?
The first name was easy as pie and it's just "me" so to speak but I'm still having difficulty picking a last name and it sucks because the ability to change it legally is coming up quickly. It needs changing asap because I refuse to get a job or bank account with the current stupid name and that obviously is a problem.
I'm assuming Frank you don't want to keep your current sir name then? Can I ask if there's a reason for that? Of course you don't need to answer that if that's personal!
I'm keeping mine so that bit's easy.
Quote from: Mattfromengland on August 18, 2013, 05:48:49 PM
I'm assuming Frank you don't want to keep your current sir name then? Can I ask if there's a reason for that? Of course you don't need to answer that if that's personal!
Frank is a handle I use online, but the name my mother gave me is ridiculous. She was one of those people that changed a letter or two in the spelling of a name to make it "cool" and "unique." She also went with a double last name, and because I only ever use one I get stuck on legal documents like "Do I use the full name or what?" So yeah, changing that nonsense. It's such a pain in the rear.
Quote from: Frank on August 18, 2013, 06:17:25 PM
Frank is a handle I use online, but the name my mother gave me is ridiculous. She was one of those people that changed a letter or two in the spelling of a name to make it "cool" and "unique." She also went with a double last name, and because I only ever use one I get stuck on legal documents like "Do I use the full name or what?" So yeah, changing that nonsense. It's such a pain in the rear.
Mmm makes sense. I imagine a cool and unique name is a nice idea, but must be a pain in the butt when you have spell it out every single time!!
Good luck with choosing a sirname. Have you tried looking through a phone book?
Quote from: Mattfromengland on August 18, 2013, 06:35:00 PM
Mmm makes sense. I imagine a cool and unique name is a nice idea, but must be a pain in the butt when you have spell it out every single time!!
Good luck with choosing a sirname. Have you tried looking through a phone book?
I looked a bunch up online, there's huge lists for that. Honestly, I'm about to sit down here with a pencil and paper and just pick some nice ones out. Bah.
Good luck. Let us know what you come up with.
I'm finding this really hard, too. I know I want another name. I've used all of my favourites on role playing characters, or writing etc. I feel like I've used all the good ones on imaginary people that I'd have liked for myself. Fffffff.
I'm just using a few to myself and seeing if they stick, then trying them out with friends. I agree with the statement made before, we become our names. In that respect, it can be hard to change them, even if it's not the name you want now.
Quote from: birdline on August 19, 2013, 06:18:43 AM
I'm finding this really hard, too. I know I want another name. I've used all of my favourites on role playing characters, or writing etc. I feel like I've used all the good ones on imaginary people that I'd have liked for myself. Fffffff.
I'm just using a few to myself and seeing if they stick, then trying them out with friends. I agree with the statement made before, we become our names. In that respect, it can be hard to change them, even if it's not the name you want now.
Hey Hi Birdline,
Welcome. I just read your initial post about your partner and will reply to that later (I'm in a long term relationship, 9 yrs, with a bi guy) :) I also noted you seemed to be having the same problems I had outlined in this post. It seems to be common these I think, and yes you have explained the problem well about us becoming our name.
I used to hate my name when I was younger, then I grew into it and felt like I wish I didn't need to change it, and that it was a name that could be used for both genders. I struggled with feeling comfortable with calling myself Steve (the first name I picked) but nothing else seemed as good as that.
Anyway, just yesterday I picked Matt, or Matthew and it grew on me really quickly. I've slept on it and now I'm excited and wish I was out to more people so I could tell everyone I've found something I like. I've also now found that I'm disliking my original girly name, 'even though it felt like me', so I really think Matt could be the one. I think I got stuck on Steve as I'd been using it for a few months, where as now I've let go of it, it doesn't feel right.
I think you'll know when you find the right one. Just keep searching and trying different ones out. Posting on here is good as you can sign off at the end your post with the name you're trying out and see how that feels.
Good luck with the name search and let us know how you get on. :D
Oooh, can I just add, that up until now I felt uncomfortable and embarrassed to tell anyone that I was thinking of the name Steve, where as right now I feel great about telling everyone. That really says something I think!
Hey everyone, thanks for your comments, help and suggestions on this topic. It was really helpful and I really think I've now cracked it.
As I said above I felt uncomfortable telling those that I'm out to, or the professionals I speak to such as my counsellor, that I was thinking of Steve. It just felt odd. But I feel really good about the name Matt, and I want to tell everyone. (I'm only out to 3 family members at the moment, so not many people I can shout about to yet, other than you guys and other trans youtube friends).
This is what I've come up with:
Matthew Ellison (then original sir name)
I really like it :)
Again, THANK YOU EVER SO MUCH FOR ALL YOUR HELP YESTERDAY :D :D
Matt
I like Matt! One of my awesome friends growing up was a Matt (probably still... is, but who am I to say?). Names are pretty good at conveying feelings like that, they can have a really positive or negative effect easier than some give them credit. I actually changed the spelling of my birth name in my mid teens because one of the bullies that gave me hell had the same name. Fixed a lot of problems, I'll never look back on that with regret. Maybe why I'm hesitant to change it now, because it's special. I'm liking Scott. Had a crush on a guy called Scott once. He was awesome, worked in a pet store. Maybe not Scott. This is my problem.
But yeah, names are awesome and a pain. It's great to be able to pick your own, but there are was too many choices and feeeeeeelings. Your name sounds very regal. Like you could put a doctorate on it without actually having one.
Quote from: birdline on August 19, 2013, 07:37:49 AM
I like Matt! One of my awesome friends growing up was a Matt (probably still... is, but who am I to say?). Names are pretty good at conveying feelings like that, they can have a really positive or negative effect easier than some give them credit. I actually changed the spelling of my birth name in my mid teens because one of the bullies that gave me hell had the same name. Fixed a lot of problems, I'll never look back on that with regret. Maybe why I'm hesitant to change it now, because it's special. I'm liking Scott. Had a crush on a guy called Scott once. He was awesome, worked in a pet store. Maybe not Scott. This is my problem.
But yeah, names are awesome and a pain. It's great to be able to pick your own, but there are was too many choices and feeeeeeelings. Your name sounds very regal. Like you could put a doctorate on it without actually having one.
Yes we always have good or bad associations with names depending on who we know by that name. Again shows how strongly the name moulds to the person and not the other way round. Possibly another indication that it really does matter, to some extent, what name we pick.
By the way reading back on my last post it looks like I'm saying Ellison is my original sirname. I've changed the post as what I ment was first name, middle name, then in brackets my sirname which I'm not disclosing here as I'm not out.
Quote from: androidnick on August 19, 2013, 10:53:20 AM
I really love the name Matthew! At one point I was going to choose that name because my ex had suggested it and it sort of fit. But then of course she became my ex and I would never do that to the woman who is supposed to become my wife now lol I doubt she would approve or appreciate where I got the name from. So yep. I hope you find happiness in everything you search for
Ah thanks Nick. Your story makes me feel sad though.
Quote from: androidnick on August 19, 2013, 11:12:15 AM
Ha it shouldn't! I am so happy with the name I have chosen. Nicholas (Insert Middle name that will remain private and surname). It feels right! Just like I am assuming Matthew feels right for you! And if it doesn't there is always time to change it! Feel it out and what not
Glad to hear you are happy with your name. Yes Matt seems right for me. I also know that's there's no real rush. If the worst came to the worst and I decided I had picked the wrong one I could always change at any time. I think the main change is having a male name at the point you come to change your gender marker on your driving licence and passport etc. The name alone can be changed easily enough again once that's done if needed.
I don't think it will come to that though.
Now I'm having fun testing out my new signature. Would have kept it the same if I had the same initials but Matt doesn't.
Every bit of spare paper on my desk has a load of scribbles on it lol
8)
Quote from: androidnick on August 19, 2013, 11:12:15 AM
Ha it shouldn't! I am so happy with the name I have chosen. Nicholas (Insert Middle name that will remain private and surname). It feels right! Just like I am assuming Matthew feels right for you! And if it doesn't there is always time to change it! Feel it out and what not
I rarely say anything like this, but you really do look like a Nick to me.
I think I lucked out. My boyfriend at the time asked me what name would I pick for myself when I start looking like a woman, and I think a couple of my friends asked me the same thing. For a while I had no clue. I started thinking Jackie, short for Jaqilyin, but it never sat right with me and then I thought of Jamie. It didn't sit right at first but like with the Shakespeare reference I've grown attached to it.
oi guys, I've meant to ask this to you all, what's the name you have choosen? which ones do you like? do you still haven't decided? so we might be able to help!, I'd like to get help from you all as well, my parents named me María José and the name I'm using is Niko, I'll leave a picture of myself so you might get ideas, inb4 thanks! (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.imgur.com%2Fv5vdZXd.jpg&hash=12ae338d4e26a08122d06dca3bc21c9c52c5ae44)
i have this problem too. im about 60% sure I want to transition though, but this question still rings with me.
my birthname has a male version, Amir, and as much as i like that name i do not think it fits me. I think the most trouble i have is finding a name that fits with who i am. there is a difference between wanting a name because of how it sounds but also picking aname because of how it fits with you as a person..
I really wanted to at first change my name to grey. it was a name my mom had picked in case i was born male. i think it's a really awesome name but then i tried to put it into context of how people would address me and now i feel it to be too stoic of a name for me, im a very energetic witty sort of person. but yeah,still can't figure out what i wanna be called :P
Quote from: BeefxCake on September 03, 2013, 02:55:04 AM
i have this problem too. im about 60% sure I want to transition though, but this question still rings with me.
my birthname has a male version, Amir, and as much as i like that name i do not think it fits me. I think the most trouble i have is finding a name that fits with who i am. there is a difference between wanting a name because of how it sounds but also picking aname because of how it fits with you as a person..
I really wanted to at first change my name to grey. it was a name my mom had picked in case i was born male. i think it's a really awesome name but then i tried to put it into context of how people would address me and now i feel it to be too stoic of a name for me, im a very energetic witty sort of person. but yeah,still can't figure out what i wanna be called :P
Mmmm it's a really tough one!!!! I struggled for ages, hence starting this topic. Once I thought of Matthew though it just kind of stuck, literally overnight. I then started really hating my old name, which I had never felt like that about it before. I've heard others say the same, that they struggled, but once they found one that seemed right it just fitted and they knew.
Keep searching........keep writing down the names so you can read it and see what you think. You can use them online too. Luckily I only changed mine online once, but on a forum such as this it's not really going to be frowned upon if you change your name a couple of times as everyone here knows why you're doing it and it's not because you are pretending to be someone else. It's good to sign off the end of a post with the name you're trying, and see what it feels like.
I think a name grows into you, so to suddenly change it and start afresh will of course feel weird. So give each name you try some time if need be to see how it grows on you, or not as the case may be.
Good luck!!!!!!! :D