Choosing a name

[AdamMLP]

Was there a specific name you wished you had when you were a kid? It might feel more "you" if you know you always wanted it. For example, almost by complete accident, Alex is a name I wanted when I was younger, and considered trying to get everyone to call me that, but no one played along. My middle name, Luke, is also something I told people was my middle name when I was even younger. I completely forgot about both these things, but after I chose my name I remembered, and I felt a lot pretty certain they were the right names for me.

I had a similar thing with initials, I wanted to have a name which started with an 'A'  because of my birth name beginning with a 'Z' (the name that I ended life pretending to be a girl/alphabet on, and then name I began afresh on). At first I went by Adam, but stuff happened, and I had a niggling feeling that I wished I'd picked Alex. I went through a short phase of using Alec, because my ex was going by Alex at the time, but I got over that, and felt that Alec was too foreign for me anyway.

As for changing your name on here, I dunno if anyone mentioned it already, but you can change the name everyone else sees, just not the one you log in with. So you all know me as "AlexanderC", but the username I put in the sign in box is "AdamMLP".

EDIT: Matt's what I would have been named by my parents, and a potential extra middle name, so I like it. If you're worrying about a name getting out of date, chose a name that was popular in your birth year. Mine are by accident, but if you called yourself something popular at the moment (the only thing I can think of is the Trans "stereotype" of "Ayden/Jayden/Kayden/*den") you might stick out like a sore thumb. I like the name Scott, but it's too old for my generation, like Steve is actually. Or Dave (I used to get called that a lot because I try and fix everything, and apparently it's a handymans name lol)

[Mattfromengland]

I've always really liked the name Max, the middle one I'm still debating but i think that I've found one I really like now. It took me a bit to think that I should actually use it, including it jumping out at me on lists of names. At first I was apprehensive and worried that it might not be the right choice for me, but as I had people use it in my daily life it helped me realize that those worries had no basis in anything, and even began automatically looking up whenever I heard it (or thought I did, kind of bad if people are debating over Mac vs. PC) within a matter of a week. Took me a very long time to start responding to my old name, and even then half the time I wouldn't even notice if people were calling me.

When I first picked it, I was shy about telling people, though once I did it got a whole lot easier. It's good if you can have one or two trusted friends help you out on that, and if you decide you need to go back to the drawing board, then they can maybe lend a hand in picking one. Good luck, Matt!

(By the way, I think that's a great name. It's one of the ones I considered, and I have a couple of friends with that given name who wouldn't change it for anything, All up to you, though.)

Mmm I'm with you 100% on how you respond to your name. Your brain learns your name, so if it's new you won't react to it. And the same with feeling shy about telling people. I really felt embarrassed about discussing names, it's odd.

I just spoke to my parents and their reaction to Matt was ok. Whereas from both them and my boyfriend (the only people I'm out to so far apart from professionals) instant response was to tell me that's so and so's name. My Dad suggested I should get my BF to call me a name for a while and see how I take to it. That's a great idea, but he's away at the moment.

Yeah, I like Max too, although I don't think it's me. I know a couple of Max's so I have good associations with the name. Sounds like you've found something that works with you, so I'd go with it. Although as everyone says, it's up to you

[Mattfromengland]

Was there a specific name you wished you had when you were a kid? It might feel more "you" if you know you always wanted it. For example, almost by complete accident, Alex is a name I wanted when I was younger, and considered trying to get everyone to call me that, but no one played along. My middle name, Luke, is also something I told people was my middle name when I was even younger. I completely forgot about both these things, but after I chose my name I remembered, and I felt a lot pretty certain they were the right names for me.

I had a similar thing with initials, I wanted to have a name which started with an 'A'  because of my birth name beginning with a 'Z' (the name that I ended life pretending to be a girl/alphabet on, and then name I began afresh on). At first I went by Adam, but stuff happened, and I had a niggling feeling that I wished I'd picked Alex. I went through a short phase of using Alec, because my ex was going by Alex at the time, but I got over that, and felt that Alec was too foreign for me anyway.

As for changing your name on here, I dunno if anyone mentioned it already, but you can change the name everyone else sees, just not the one you log in with. So you all know me as "AlexanderC", but the username I put in the sign in box is "AdamMLP".

Alex it sounds like you managed to find the right name for you, almost like going through a process. That's great.

I think I would get annoyed having to log in under Steve if I opted for Matt. Wondering if to re-register. Hmmmmmm

[thatboyfresh]

1. How many of you found a name that just fitted right away, and how many found it hard?

Ever since grade school I always used male aliases. Then I stumbled upon the name Devon which I really liked. I gave myself the name Devon Kai ( So I could have the initials D.K ) and I used that exclusively in college. I loved that name and still use it for my facebook and stuff. But when I moved to a new town a couple years ago something funny happened. I got a job where I had to use my birth name on my name tag. People still gendered me as male...even with that name. But I hated being called it so I shortened it to Shawn ( From Shante) and that name stuck ever since.

2. If you found it hard or odd to change your name did you get used to it over time. As in did you grow into it?

It was hard in college being called Devon because it was not like my birth name in any sense. I kind of got used to it but sometimes I would get the "who me?" type of feeling. When I switched to Shawn it felt way more natural. I think because the first 3 letters are the same and therefore make the same sound. So when being called I automatically respond. I use Shawn in my daily life except on things where it matters because I haven't gotten a name change yet.

Good luck finding a name you like. My best advice would be not to try and force it. Chose a name and let it linger for a while. Don't chose a name you don't love because IMO it will be that much harder to identify with it.

[Mattfromengland]

1. How many of you found a name that just fitted right away, and how many found it hard?

Ever since grade school I always used male aliases. Then I stumbled upon the name Devon which I really liked. I gave myself the name Devon Kai ( So I could have the initials D.K ) and I used that exclusively in college. I loved that name and still use it for my facebook and stuff. But when I moved to a new town a couple years ago something funny happened. I got a job where I had to use my birth name on my name tag. People still gendered me as male...even with that name. But I hated being called it so I shortened it to Shawn ( From Shante) and that name stuck ever since.

2. If you found it hard or odd to change your name did you get used to it over time. As in did you grow into it?

It was hard in college being called Devon because it was not like my birth name in any sense. I kind of got used to it but sometimes I would get the "who me?" type of feeling. When I switched to Shawn it felt way more natural. I think because the first 3 letters are the same and therefore make the same sound. So when being called I automatically respond. I use Shawn in my daily life except on things where it matters because I haven't gotten a name change yet.

Good luck finding a name you like. My best advice would be not to try and force it. Chose a name and let it linger for a while. Don't chose a name you don't love because IMO it will be that much harder to identify with it.

Hey thanks, good advice there. I will see how I go on here with Matt and see how it feels. Something feels right inside though, more so than with Steve. So fingers crossed.

I know there's no real hurry anyway, as I can always change it further down the line. Even if I get my gender and name updated on things, it's far easier just to change your name, so I could always do that again in a year or two if I really wanted.

Thanks again,

Matt

[Frank]

1. How many of you found a name that just fitted right away, and how many found it hard?

Well the first name came easy, the middle just fell into place, and last name...

2. If you found it hard or odd to change your name did you get used to it over time. As in did you grow into it?

The first name was easy as pie and it's just "me" so to speak but I'm still having difficulty picking a last name and it sucks because the ability to change it legally is coming up quickly. It needs changing asap because I refuse to get a job or bank account with the current stupid name and that obviously is a problem.

[Mattfromengland]

1. How many of you found a name that just fitted right away, and how many found it hard?

Well the first name came easy, the middle just fell into place, and last name...

2. If you found it hard or odd to change your name did you get used to it over time. As in did you grow into it?

The first name was easy as pie and it's just "me" so to speak but I'm still having difficulty picking a last name and it sucks because the ability to change it legally is coming up quickly. It needs changing asap because I refuse to get a job or bank account with the current stupid name and that obviously is a problem.

I'm assuming Frank you don't want to keep your current sir name then?  Can I ask if there's a reason for that? Of course you don't need to answer that if that's personal!

I'm keeping mine so that bit's easy.

[Frank]

I'm assuming Frank you don't want to keep your current sir name then?  Can I ask if there's a reason for that? Of course you don't need to answer that if that's personal!

Frank is a handle I use online, but the name my mother gave me is ridiculous. She was one of those people that changed a letter or two in the spelling of a name to make it "cool" and "unique." She also went with a double last name, and because I only ever use one I get stuck on legal documents like "Do I use the full name or what?" So yeah, changing that nonsense. It's such a pain in the rear.

[Mattfromengland]

Frank is a handle I use online, but the name my mother gave me is ridiculous. She was one of those people that changed a letter or two in the spelling of a name to make it "cool" and "unique." She also went with a double last name, and because I only ever use one I get stuck on legal documents like "Do I use the full name or what?" So yeah, changing that nonsense. It's such a pain in the rear.

Mmm makes sense. I imagine a cool and unique name is a nice idea, but must be a pain in the butt when you have spell it out every single time!!

Good luck with choosing a sirname. Have you tried looking through a phone book?

[Frank]

Mmm makes sense. I imagine a cool and unique name is a nice idea, but must be a pain in the butt when you have spell it out every single time!!

Good luck with choosing a sirname. Have you tried looking through a phone book?

I looked a bunch up online, there's huge lists for that. Honestly, I'm about to sit down here with a pencil and paper and just pick some nice ones out. Bah.

[Mattfromengland]

Good luck. Let us know what you come up with.

[birdline]

I'm finding this really hard, too. I know I want another name. I've used all of my favourites on role playing characters, or writing etc. I feel like I've used all the good ones on imaginary people that I'd have liked for myself. Fffffff.

I'm just using a few to myself and seeing if they stick, then trying them out with friends. I agree with the statement made before, we become our names. In that respect, it can be hard to change them, even if it's not the name you want now.

[Mattfromengland]

I'm finding this really hard, too. I know I want another name. I've used all of my favourites on role playing characters, or writing etc. I feel like I've used all the good ones on imaginary people that I'd have liked for myself. Fffffff.

I'm just using a few to myself and seeing if they stick, then trying them out with friends. I agree with the statement made before, we become our names. In that respect, it can be hard to change them, even if it's not the name you want now.

Hey Hi Birdline,

Welcome. I just read your initial post about your partner and will reply to that later (I'm in a long term relationship, 9 yrs, with a bi guy)   I also noted you seemed to be having the same problems I had outlined in this post. It seems to be common these I think, and yes you have explained the problem well about us becoming our name.

I used to hate my name when I was younger, then I grew into it and felt like I wish I didn't need to change it, and that it was a name that could be used for both genders. I struggled with feeling comfortable with calling myself Steve (the first name I picked) but nothing else seemed as good as that.

Anyway, just yesterday I picked Matt, or Matthew and it grew on me really quickly. I've slept on it and now I'm excited and wish I was out to more people so I could tell everyone I've found something I like. I've also now found that I'm disliking my original girly name, 'even though it felt like me', so I really think Matt could be the one. I think I got stuck on Steve as I'd been using it for a few months, where as now I've let go of it, it doesn't feel right.

I think you'll know when you find the right one. Just keep searching and trying different ones out. Posting on here is good as you can sign off at the end your post with the name you're trying out and see how that feels.

Good luck with the name search and let us know how you get on.


Oooh, can I just add, that up until now I felt uncomfortable and embarrassed to tell anyone that I was thinking of the name Steve, where as right now I feel great about telling everyone. That really says something I think!

[Mattfromengland]

Hey everyone, thanks for your comments, help and suggestions on this topic. It was really helpful and I really think I've now cracked it.

As I said above I felt uncomfortable telling those that I'm out to, or the professionals I speak to such as my counsellor, that I was thinking of Steve. It just felt odd. But I feel really good about the name Matt, and I want to tell everyone. (I'm only out to 3 family members at the moment, so not many people I can shout about to yet, other than you guys and other trans youtube friends).

This is what I've come up with:

Matthew Ellison (then original sir name)


I really like it

Again, THANK YOU EVER SO MUCH FOR ALL YOUR HELP YESTERDAY

Matt

[birdline]

I like Matt! One of my awesome friends growing up was a Matt (probably still... is, but who am I to say?). Names are pretty good at conveying feelings like that, they can have a really positive or negative effect easier than some give them credit. I actually changed the spelling of my birth name in my mid teens because one of the bullies that gave me hell had the same name. Fixed a lot of problems, I'll never look back on that with regret. Maybe why I'm hesitant to change it now, because it's special. I'm liking Scott. Had a crush on a guy called Scott once. He was awesome, worked in a pet store. Maybe not Scott. This is my problem.

But yeah, names are awesome and a pain. It's great to be able to pick your own, but there are was too many choices and feeeeeeelings. Your name sounds very regal. Like you could put a doctorate on it without actually having one.

[Mattfromengland]

I like Matt! One of my awesome friends growing up was a Matt (probably still... is, but who am I to say?). Names are pretty good at conveying feelings like that, they can have a really positive or negative effect easier than some give them credit. I actually changed the spelling of my birth name in my mid teens because one of the bullies that gave me hell had the same name. Fixed a lot of problems, I'll never look back on that with regret. Maybe why I'm hesitant to change it now, because it's special. I'm liking Scott. Had a crush on a guy called Scott once. He was awesome, worked in a pet store. Maybe not Scott. This is my problem.

But yeah, names are awesome and a pain. It's great to be able to pick your own, but there are was too many choices and feeeeeeelings. Your name sounds very regal. Like you could put a doctorate on it without actually having one.

Yes we always have good or bad associations with names depending on who we know by that name. Again shows how strongly the name moulds to the person and not the other way round. Possibly another indication that it really does matter, to some extent, what name we pick.

By the way reading back on my last post it looks like I'm saying Ellison is my original sirname. I've changed the post as what I ment was first name, middle name, then in brackets my sirname which I'm not disclosing here as I'm not out.

[Mattfromengland]

I really love the name Matthew! At one point I was going to choose that name because my ex had suggested it and it sort of fit. But then of course she became my ex and I would never do that to the woman who is supposed to become my wife now lol I doubt she would approve or appreciate where I got the name from. So yep. I hope you find happiness in everything you search for

Ah thanks Nick. Your story makes me feel sad though.

[Mattfromengland]

Ha it shouldn't! I am so happy with the name I have chosen. Nicholas (Insert Middle name that will remain private and surname). It feels right! Just like I am assuming Matthew feels right for you! And if it doesn't there is always time to change it! Feel it out and what not

Glad to hear you are happy with your name. Yes Matt seems right for me. I also know that's there's no real rush. If the worst came to the worst and I decided I had picked the wrong one I could always change at any time. I think the main change is having a male name at the point you come to change your gender marker on your driving licence and passport etc.  The name alone can be changed easily enough again once that's done if needed.

I don't think it will come to that though.

[Mattfromengland]

Now I'm having fun testing out my new signature. Would have kept it the same if I had the same initials but Matt doesn't.

Every bit of spare paper on my desk has a load of scribbles on it lol

[AdamMLP]

Ha it shouldn't! I am so happy with the name I have chosen. Nicholas (Insert Middle name that will remain private and surname). It feels right! Just like I am assuming Matthew feels right for you! And if it doesn't there is always time to change it! Feel it out and what not

I rarely say anything like this, but you really do look like a Nick to me.