Idk exactly where I'm going with this, but I was wondering, how many of you guys identify as trans? Do you identify as anything? And if so what does it mean to you?
I've been thinking about this a bit lately and I'm not sure I identify as anything at all...like, people who aren't trans sometimes say things like "I don't identify as male/female, I'm just perceived that way because that's how society works and I go with it." And I kind of feel the same way?
I don't really understand the sex/gender distinction as it applies to trans issues. The way most people define "gender" it seems like it's "gender roles" and I don't identify as a gender role, that would be weird. I don't really care that much how other people perceive me, just how I feel in my own body. Being ftm for me seems like more of a sex-based thing and not much to do with gender. It's always been about the medical side, not the social. I was pretty sheltered as a young kid and I knew I wanted the medical stuff before I even knew what the options were. I still remember being 11 years old and finding out hysterectomies were a thing. I was so happy. When I was 13ish I found a livejournal ftm community and realised the full extent of the possibilities and even then I was like "I don't know if I'm trans, I just want surgery/hormones." Eventually I decided that was a bit silly and I must be trans if I wanted those things, and I came out as trans. But I'm not sure how I feel about that now.
I mean, I've been on t for years now, I've had top surgery, I plan to get bottom surgery, I've never been anything less than positive that this was the right path for me. But "trans" to me doesn't really feel like an identity but a thing you do. I'm trans because I transitioned, not because I was born female and identify as male...I'm male in the "gender" sense because everyone sees me as male and even my not-very-supportive family members use male pronouns because I simply don't look like a girl, but that happened because of the medical aspects. I didn't change the way I acted and I never objected to people using female pronouns for me before I looked male. That just seemed like a language thing. It seemed even more like a language thing once the people who knew me pre-transition and thought it was weird started using male pronouns anyway, because they would've felt even weirder if they didn't.
I don't really know if I "identify as male" either. I find my current genitalia strange and rather unpleasant and intend to change that, and I feel much more comfortable now that other aspects of my body aren't so female, but I see a lot of trans people talking about how happy they are to be perceived as male/female, or about how good they feel looking or acting a certain way. I can't relate to that. And I can't relate to genderqueer people at all, for whom it seems like perception is one of the biggest issues, and their desires just change randomly? Nowadays it seems like "transsexual" is out of vogue and "transgender/trans*" is the new thing but the transsexual label has always seemed more accurate for me.
Right now I know a couple of trans people who haven't transitioned yet as well as a genderqueer person and the whole "preferred pronouns" thing doesn't make a great deal of sense to me...I mean personally I'd rather just be called by whatever is most accurate to a stranger so I'm not getting outed to everyone in the world. Apparently other people like getting outed, and I don't get it...
This is quite rambly and I wouldn't mind some equally rambly posts explaining your view of things (esp if you identify as trans or genderqueer)...also I know I've read some posts on here by guys who said they don't identify as trans, but I can't remember who they were. If you wouldn't mind explaining your own experiences I'd appreciate it.
I identify as trans, but take in mind I identify as alot of things.
bottom line is you can identify as pretty much everything beside what it is.
It's like small posters you put on the refriguator to tell whats inside.
Not everything makes sense to identify as, and I dont think it worth identifying as something who just seams pointless or you dont like. it would be pretty pointless exemple for me to say I identy as someone with brown hair. neither do I often say I identify as a white person, but if I travel somewhere where im the only white person around then I start to feel abit more like identifying into the minority.
like I heard a woman once who said she moved from africa to amarica. while being in africa there where mainly black people but as she got to amarica she became a minority and she started to identify as a african and a black woman.
For me I identify as trans
I identify as a creative person, as a comic lover :D as a writter/illustraitor and so on.
I dont feel I identify trans so much due to my body as for my mindset. I feel being trans gave me a certain way to look at the world and some knowlegde or experience with some others may not have, its a political fight also.
I identify as male. Not trans-anything. Just a guy with some medical issues.
Trans is the road I have to travel down to get to where I need to be.
I find the identity question rather interesting, because I don't really understand the concept of identity or self to begin with.
I can say that I definitely do not identify as trans, in any sense of the word - I am male. For me, the trans issue really just stemmed down to the body dysphoria I felt, the sense I should have been born male. That's not something I really care to identify with. For me, it'd be like, taking antidepressants and saying "I identify as depression" lol. Not that being transgender is a mental illness, but it is something being treated medically, much like mental illnesses can be.
As for "identifying" as male, I don't really get that either tbh. Yes, I do feel my body should be 100% male, and I experience dysphoria when it doesn't feel right...but I don't cling to my maleness as an indicator of self. I just transitioned that way to alleviate the pain it caused me to be female-bodied. I hear the "grrr men" thing all the time, from trans and cis males, as if it's some core part of who they are. What does that even mean?
I don't know if I like to use "identify" at all. I'm a guy with a slightly different body and I have to deal with it as best as I can while I work to make it better for myself. I just am, and that's the best way I can put it. People who ~know~ often question me based on gender roles, and I think that's ridiculous personally. I'm not transitioning because I liked cars more than dolls as a little kid or because of the people I'm attracted to, I'm transitioning because the relationship with my body and being physically "female" has been negative for me to the point where I've resorted to self harm and suicide attempts. "Being a girl" and "accepting [my] birth sex" were things I tried and failed because I found that I am just not female. At all. Transitioning has not erased my dysphoria, but it has helped me a lot and I certainly feel more comfortable with myself now than I did years ago.
If anything, I shy away from using trans in reference to myself, as I just want to be thought of as myself and not something I consider to be a medical condition I'm treating, I guess?
I'm a boy, I don't identify as "being trans" or as anything other than being like every other guy my age, i.e. myself. I just need a little help becoming a man because there's a bit of extra assembly required to get the finished product.
I think of myself as a guy born with a girl's body, and I'm going to transition it to a guy's body, because I'd feel more comfortable with myself if it matched how I am on the inside.
If that makes any sense...
I guess I do identify as trans, because I think being transgender is a relevant part of my experience as a human being and given the choice, I would not want to have been assigned male at birth.
I think having the "right body" so to speak would have been much easier in many ways, but being read as female for so many years was more often than not a relevant factor on the interactions I had and will probably still be important, even after I feel I've completed my transition.
I identify as trans. I feel that I am not entirely binary where I don't see myself as completely male but a bit in between but more towards male, if that makes any sense at all.
--Jay
I am male. There is no trans to me it is no part of my identity. I was born with a birth defect and have a hormonal imbalance. These issues will be corrected. Regardless of my body I am male and only ever have been. I have no clue about anything female. Trans to me would feel as if I had been female to begin with and 'become' male which couldnt be further from the truth. I never was in the first place. Im not changing, I am correcting
I have no issues with those who do identify as trans, we do need more awareness to make our lives easier during the difficult phases where we're not seen for what we are. At the moment I would likely have to disclose as trans cause I dont pass and it would be obvious but its still not how I identify personally. Probably more for other people's sake than my own to do that if I had to. The experience has made me whatever I am now but given the choice I'd rather have been born correctly to begin with than the 20 odd years of pain its caused me. I cant deny that it has likely made me a better person though in terms of understanding and acceptance. Without going through this I'd like to think I wouldnt be as ignorant as the average cis person but I can never know that. I dont regret what I have gained from this but I still could have done without it too
Quote from: Leo. on October 02, 2013, 09:27:06 AM
I am male. There is no trans to me it is no part of my identity. I was born with a birth defect and have a hormonal imbalance. These issues will be corrected. Regardless of my body I am male and only ever have been. I have no clue about anything female. Trans to me would feel as if I had been female to begin with and 'become' male which couldnt be further from the truth. I never was in the first place. Im not changing, I am correcting
I have no issues with those who do identify as trans, we do need more awareness to make our lives easier during the difficult phases where we're not seen for what we are. At the moment I would likely have to disclose as trans cause I dont pass and it would be obvious but its still not how I identify personally. Probably more for other people's sake than my own to do that if I had to. The experience has made me whatever I am now but given the choice I'd rather have been born correctly to begin with than the 20 odd years of pain its caused me. I cant deny that it has likely made me a better person though in terms of understanding and acceptance. Without going through this I'd like to think I wouldnt be as ignorant as the average cis person but I can never know that. I dont regret what I have gained from this but I still could have done without it too
Well stated.
There is no shame in confusion, or in not knowing. You apparently know that you are happier with the thought of having different genitalia. You are obviously willing to take measures to correct this. But you are uncertain of your gender. Fair enough. I know CIS women who present as masculine, CIS men who present as feminine. It's all a spectrum. Sure, *most* people aggregate at one end or the other, male or female, but there is so much room in between.
If you are strong enough to be happy in *you* and do not depend on society to validate your choice, if you are not bound by socially imposed gender norms, you are indeed special, and on a very unique path, and I salute you! I do strongly recommend you make certain you have a supportive therapist who can help with issues that may arise; society (even the hugely accepting trans community) can be a bit harsh when someone steps out of a binary system.
For most people, you are going to be classified as one or the other. In math, the binary system uses two digits, 1 and 0. You are throwing yourself into that system as a decimal value, and it will cause all sorts of issues for systems designed to understand either 1 or 0. By blurring the lines further, you become something altogether different. So the world will be 1 or 0, and now someone throws something completely different, like "purple" into the system. Things will not go smoothly. But little by little, thanks to explorers like yourself, the system will be improved and there will be room for much greater diversity.
If you haven't already, I suggest you look up the term GenderQueer... here's a link as a starting point: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gender_fluid (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gender_fluid)
For a time, I thought that was what I was, but as I spent more time getting to know my real self and discovering how well I fit into the world (and how well the world fit into my head) as a woman, I found the woman I was always meant to be. It was, I admit, a little disappointing (I had imagined how wonderful it would be to chart new territory), but immensely fulfilling.
Love and admiration to you, no matter what your path! :)
Quote from: Leo. on October 02, 2013, 09:27:06 AM
I am male. There is no trans to me it is no part of my identity. I was born with a birth defect and have a hormonal imbalance. These issues will be corrected. Regardless of my body I am male and only ever have been. I have no clue about anything female. Trans to me would feel as if I had been female to begin with and 'become' male which couldnt be further from the truth. I never was in the first place. Im not changing, I am correcting
I have no issues with those who do identify as trans, we do need more awareness to make our lives easier during the
Makes me wonder-- I read this kind of thing, and see that it resonates with a lot of people. I wonder if there are different ways to be trans and even different causes or whatever you might want to put it.
--Jay
Quote from: aleon515 on October 02, 2013, 10:04:33 PM
Makes me wonder-- I read this kind of thing, and see that it resonates with a lot of people. I wonder if there are different ways to be trans and even different causes or whatever you might want to put it.
--Jay
It all seems to depend on how important it is to the individual I think. Some people think that being gay is a major part of their lives, so talk about it a lot and make it clear that they identify as gay, others hate the term gay, and have never said that they're gay at any point in their life, and if asked answer with "I like girls/boys" instead.
For me, I don't see myself as trans, because that sounds like something other to being male or female. I know I am technically a trans man, and I'll say that if I have to explain myself, but I don't make a big deal about it. I understand that for other people being trans, and being part of the community is something which is important to them though.
I suppose we're all trans in the medical sense of the word, but some people incorporate being trans into part of their lifestyle, whether through choice or through necessity as they don't pass.
I see the word trans as an adjective that describes the kind of man I am. It's not exactly a matter of identity or not, it's a matter of just...sorta...being. I don't think white cis straight men identify as white, or cis, or straight...I don't think that they even think of their race, gender, or sexuality that much since it's all considered the default mostly.
I agree totally with Leo.. well said. that's exactly how I see myself.
Quote from: Nygeel on October 04, 2013, 02:23:42 PM
I see the word trans as an adjective that describes the kind of man I am. It's not exactly a matter of identity or not, it's a matter of just...sorta...being. I don't think white cis straight men identify as white, or cis, or straight...I don't think that they even think of their race, gender, or sexuality that much since it's all considered the default mostly.
I'm probably opening up a can of worms here. MMM delicious. But here's why imo.
White and cis and hetero aren't identities. Their privileged statuses, so to speak. People know they are these things (for the most part) but they don't think about it as it is built in to not see those kinds of things. People identify as persons of color, trans, and gay because they are positions of less status which they are claiming in a positive sense. Not everybody does this or even thinks about it so much. At least this is my interpretation.
I think your statement that its default is true.
But I also think that some people just actually don't see themselves as trans the way others of us do. Perhaps it's political, I'm not thinking that for me it totally is. I know a guy who is very active in the community here. He had a lesbian girl friend before and she stayed with him. They REALLY do not like being seen as straight and call themselves a queer couple.
--Jay
I don't "identify" as anything. Identifying as something generally implies choice. I simply am male (and happen to have transsexualism)
Thanks for all the responses, it's quite interesting how many different ways people see it.
Quote from: robinmack on October 02, 2013, 11:02:57 AM
If you are strong enough to be happy in *you* and do not depend on society to validate your choice, if you are not bound by socially imposed gender norms, you are indeed special, and on a very unique path, and I salute you! I do strongly recommend you make certain you have a supportive therapist who can help with issues that may arise; society (even the hugely accepting trans community) can be a bit harsh when someone steps out of a binary system.
For most people, you are going to be classified as one or the other. In math, the binary system uses two digits, 1 and 0. You are throwing yourself into that system as a decimal value, and it will cause all sorts of issues for systems designed to understand either 1 or 0. By blurring the lines further, you become something altogether different. So the world will be 1 or 0, and now someone throws something completely different, like "purple" into the system. Things will not go smoothly. But little by little, thanks to explorers like yourself, the system will be improved and there will be room for much greater diversity.
Well, I'm not very far outside the binary, I don't think. I've never really worried too much about personal gender roles/gender expression but I have no problem calling myself male and being seen as male. And it kind of annoys me when people like me make a big deal of being genderqueer or something similar, when they're
not really challenging any systems and it doesn't have a big effect on their lives. Because it seems to me like a lot of people are like that, that if they bother to think about it they realise they don't feel thoroughly and utterly "male" or "female" 100% of the time, or they feel uncomfortable with being male or female in the way society tells them. But I think that's probably normal...it doesn't necessarily make anyone trans or cis or anything else, just human.
Jay...I'm not sure what you mean? I definitely know people who seem to "identify" as cis more than I "identify" as trans. ??? It seems more like an individual thing - there are all sorts of other things people identify as besides race/gender/sexuality and some do identify as straight or cis or white, some people just seem more prone to defining themselves by identities than others.
Quote from: Nygeel on October 04, 2013, 02:23:42 PM
I see the word trans as an adjective that describes the kind of man I am. It's not exactly a matter of identity or not, it's a matter of just...sorta...being. I don't think white cis straight men identify as white, or cis, or straight...I don't think that they even think of their race, gender, or sexuality that much since it's all considered the default mostly.
I know a white hetrosexual cisguy, he been writting a article about gay rights because his son is gay. as far I remember he said he identified as a straight guy,
Normally he didnt use to think about his sexualety or position but after his son came out as gay he been invold with alot of glbt stuff, and invited to gay parades and goes to gay bars where he felt as the minority. and funny also alot of people (include myself) didnt really belive he where straight first time we saw him, so he had to tell them he where 100% straight.
I think people dont say they identify as anything if they dont think about it.
I think in the opposite world you may had the "straight out and proud people"
-----------------------------------------
I wonder about something.
For those who don't identify trans.
it's fine identify or not identifying whatever you are, but I wonder if some people rather not identify as trans due to taboo of the word.
some people like to be seen as 100%male or female, they rather identify cis than trans.
I know a transguy who once said "why would you even transition if you identify as trans, then your not transition to be a man but as trans"
For me I dont understand the view. for me transmen are also men. I wont say 100% because I dont belive any humans is 100%male or female, but as male as cisgender.
---
Quote from: mangoslayer on October 05, 2013, 03:26:32 PM
I don't "identify" as anything. Identifying as something generally implies choice. I simply am male (and happen to have transsexualism)
I found this a really interesting idea, and I don't know really know if I agree or not but it had me thinking awhile which (I think) is a good thing.
@Rositer: Well identifying as cis would be to take on a strong ally role, I mean that's what I would think as I know people who do this. I guess I'd say *normally* I think that it's more a hidden thing. When people take on cis as an identity they make it more open that there are differences this way and that the difference is not "better" or "worse".
--Jay
Quote from: Natkat on October 06, 2013, 07:18:48 AM
I wonder about something.
For those who don't identify trans.
it's fine identify or not identifying whatever you are, but I wonder if some people rather not identify as trans due to taboo of the word.
some people like to be seen as 100%male or female, they rather identify cis than trans.
I know a transguy who once said "why would you even transition if you identify as trans, then your not transition to be a man but as trans"
For me I dont understand the view. for me transmen are also men. I wont say 100% because I dont belive any humans is 100%male or female, but as male as cisgender.
---
I think for some people it is about the taboo, but for me it isn't. For me, identifying as trans makes abut as much sense as identifying as cis, or identifying with being born by cecesarean section or being born 1 month early or being born breeched. While we could argue that all those things are some how relavent to who we are, they are not as important as who I have become.The situation of my birth does not mean enough to me for me to constantly remind others or myself.
Quote from: chuck on October 07, 2013, 01:23:09 AM
I think for some people it is about the taboo, but for me it isn't. For me, identifying as trans makes abut as much sense as identifying as cis, or identifying with being born by cecesarean section or being born 1 month early or being born breeched. While we could argue that all those things are some how relavent to who we are, they are not as important as who I have become.The situation of my birth does not mean enough to me for me to constantly remind others or myself.
Ditto; no taboos here either.
I simply don't define myself according to my membership of any particular group. That's something that extroverts do; I'm an introvert so I don't feel I need to be part of a group in order to be valid as a person.
I don't think there's anything taboo about "trans" either. Maybe about the word "transsexual", maybe it's just me, or the fact that it contains the word "sex", but that term seems to have some connotations with fetishes and something more taboo than is desirable. Yes, it's what I medically would be classed as, but that doesn't mean that I want to identify as it, because I'm more than just a medical term, and certainly more than what the general population seems to think a transsexual person is. Somehow "transgender" seems a much more welcoming term, and doesn't have the bad imagery attached to it for me, and "trans" feels like a shortened nickname for it given by people in the know. I wouldn't feel threatened by someone who used the word trans because it seems like only educated people use that term.
I still don't identify as either of them though, just that there's no taboo about the word "trans" for me. For people who do identify with, or like the word transsexual, this post is no reflection on you, I just dislike the word, but that doesn't stop me supporting the people.
I like to identify myself as gender neutral, but on the more masculine side. I'm fine with people calling me trans though.
Quote from: AlexanderC on October 07, 2013, 03:11:11 PM
I don't think there's anything taboo about "trans" either. Maybe about the word "transsexual", maybe it's just me, or the fact that it contains the word "sex", but that term seems to have some connotations with fetishes and something more taboo than is desirable. Yes, it's what I medically would be classed as, but that doesn't mean that I want to identify as it, because I'm more than just a medical term, and certainly more than what the general population seems to think a transsexual person is. Somehow "transgender" seems a much more welcoming term, and doesn't have the bad imagery attached to it for me, and "trans" feels like a shortened nickname for it given by people in the know. I wouldn't feel threatened by someone who used the word trans because it seems like only educated people use that term.
I kind of miss transsexual being used more, because it's more specific...now trans* seems to be quite popular but that includes a lot of people who really have nothing in common with me - actually sometimes even the word transgender encompasses all these different identities and stuff as well. It's counterintuitive to me to group myself with people who don't have dysphoria and don't want to transition, when that's basically the entire experience for me. When people hear "transsexual" a lot of them think "born in the wrong body" and "surgeries" and that's accurate enough in my case.
Ok, so I identify more as agender/genderqueer but I have been on T for 2+ years. I consider myself both a trans and genderqueer person. I experience gender dysphoria in that I feel discomfort with my genetalia and my chest. I really really really want bottom surgery as that is where most of the dysphoria comes from. However, I just don't feel comfortable taking on either a male or a female role. I am who I am and there are aspects of my personality and my identity that I think fit into both.
Quote from: Natkat on October 06, 2013, 07:09:46 AM
I know a white hetrosexual cisguy, he been writting a article about gay rights because his son is gay. as far I remember he said he identified as a straight guy,
Normally he didnt use to think about his sexualety or position but after his son came out as gay he been invold with alot of glbt stuff, and invited to gay parades and goes to gay bars where he felt as the minority. and funny also alot of people (include myself) didnt really belive he where straight first time we saw him, so he had to tell them he where 100% straight.
I think people dont say they identify as anything if they dont think about it.
I think in the opposite world you may had the "straight out and proud people"
-----------------------------------------
I'll give an example...if somebody is killed, and an article is written about it, nothing is said of sexual orientation, or gender (cis vs trans) unless the person is gay or trans. It's usually assumed that a person is straight and cis until they prove otherwise, and that is the default. The thing about being white might vary based on where you live, but in the US they won't bring up if the person was white.
I know I am trans, I don't enjoy the fact that I wasn't born the gender I feel I should have been, but I am trans. Being trans, I feel it would be in my best interests, as well as the whole of the trans community, to at least acknowledge and support my condition. I do not think I'd ever say, "I am a trans woman" or simply put I am trans, I'd only ever refer to myself as a woman. However, I will not distance myself from the fact that I am transsexual. It is in my best interest to help the community as a whole to makes things better for people like me in the future.
Quote from: Natkat on October 06, 2013, 07:09:46 AM
I know a white hetrosexual cisguy, he been writting a article about gay rights because his son is gay. as far I remember he said he identified as a straight guy,
Normally he didnt use to think about his sexualety or position but after his son came out as gay he been invold with alot of glbt stuff, and invited to gay parades and goes to gay bars where he felt as the minority. and funny also alot of people (include myself) didnt really belive he where straight first time we saw him, so he had to tell them he where 100% straight.
Seems like some cis and straight people will identify that way as a way of being active allies. But it is something that they might take on. I know someone like that. When we go around and say our gender preference, she'll say "I'm a straight cis female".
--Jay
Quote from: Rossiter on October 08, 2013, 04:32:49 AM
I kind of miss transsexual being used more, because it's more specific...now trans* seems to be quite popular but that includes a lot of people who really have nothing in common with me - actually sometimes even the word transgender encompasses all these different identities and stuff as well. It's counterintuitive to me to group myself with people who don't have dysphoria and don't want to transition, when that's basically the entire experience for me. When people hear "transsexual" a lot of them think "born in the wrong body" and "surgeries" and that's accurate enough in my case.
These are my feelings, as well, overall.
I've been thinking about this a lot for many years. I'm 30 now, just started T yesterday but spent the last 12 years really thinking about wether or not T was for me, mainly because of this conversation.
I'm neither. I truly exist somewhere in between, as I'm sure many of us do. The world, humanity, whatever, hasn't caught up with that yet. There's no words, pronouns, consciousness, or emotional space yet that we can inhabit free from this question of one or the other aside from the one's we carve out in our own hearts and minds.
For me, I've never been a woman but I'm also not a man. The most I can do is make myself comfortable in the body I have and in the culture I inhabit which for me means taking on a more male physiology. I believe that to be the closest to my truest expression. I identify simply as my name these days unless I find myself in a situation in which it is both helpful and necessary to identify myself for someone.
5 years ago I was almost killed in San Francisco during a hate crime. After many months of agonizing pain, emotional and psychological trauma and a grueling legal process, I made a decision. I am not going to spend one more day of my life being uncomfortable for someone else.
I admit, I have a life here that I've made for myself that is now a privilege and a gift to live. I've carved out a safe space for myself at work, at home, in my community in which I'm well respected and appreciated for my experience and perspective and this lets me move through my world without having to explain myself. I let people figure it out for themselves or talk to other people because I'm not confused and I'm not uncomfortable so their confusion or discomfort is just that -- theirs. When people lose it on me I have to accept that most people will never understand who I am or how I live or what I've been through. For most people, I'll be the only trans person they ever encounter so I give them permission to be vulnerable, curious, and to love someone they didn't think they could even like. I don't know if that makes sense, but I kind of feel like it's part of the package, part of my responsibility as someone who exists in the middle -- not to just be angry that people don't get it -- to live as hopeful, happy, healthy example and to educate where I can.
I used to fight a lot. I used to lose it on people or I'd take it so personally that I'd be paralyzed by the pain of whatever they said or did. Sometimes that still happens, but mostly I'm able to stay grounded. Maybe it's being a bit older than I was when I was at my dumbest or maybe it's just really coming to peace with the fact that I really am different. I really am something extraordinary and I stopped blaming people for not getting it, I don't know, but either way I'm happy to be undefined. I'm trans because that's my experience, an experience that has forever changed and shaped the way I see the world and it's an experience that is so unique that I treasure it.
There isn't a word for me yet, at best, I'm what anyone wants to see in me because I never expect people to know the true character of my spirit and I've finally stopped expecting them to do so.
Hope that wasn't a derail.
Quote from: Lexicon on October 10, 2013, 10:45:33 AM
I've been thinking about this a lot for many years. I'm 30 now, just started T yesterday but spent the last 12 years really thinking about wether or not T was for me, mainly because of this conversation.
I'm neither. I truly exist somewhere in between, as I'm sure many of us do. The world, humanity, whatever, hasn't caught up with that yet. There's no words, pronouns, consciousness, or emotional space yet that we can inhabit free from this question of one or the other aside from the one's we carve out in our own hearts and minds.
For me, I've never been a woman but I'm also not a man. The most I can do is make myself comfortable in the body I have and in the culture I inhabit which for me means taking on a more male physiology. I believe that to be the closest to my truest expression. I identify simply as my name these days unless I find myself in a situation in which it is both helpful and necessary to identify myself for someone.
5 years ago I was almost killed in San Francisco during a hate crime. After many months of agonizing pain, emotional and psychological trauma and a grueling legal process, I made a decision. I am not going to spend one more day of my life being uncomfortable for someone else.
I admit, I have a life here that I've made for myself that is now a privilege and a gift to live. I've carved out a safe space for myself at work, at home, in my community in which I'm well respected and appreciated for my experience and perspective and this lets me move through my world without having to explain myself. I let people figure it out for themselves or talk to other people because I'm not confused and I'm not uncomfortable so their confusion or discomfort is just that -- theirs. When people lose it on me I have to accept that most people will never understand who I am or how I live or what I've been through. For most people, I'll be the only trans person they ever encounter so I give them permission to be vulnerable, curious, and to love someone they didn't think they could even like. I don't know if that makes sense, but I kind of feel like it's part of the package, part of my responsibility as someone who exists in the middle -- not to just be angry that people don't get it -- to live as hopeful, happy, healthy example and to educate where I can.
I used to fight a lot. I used to lose it on people or I'd take it so personally that I'd be paralyzed by the pain of whatever they said or did. Sometimes that still happens, but mostly I'm able to stay grounded. Maybe it's being a bit older than I was when I was at my dumbest or maybe it's just really coming to peace with the fact that I really am different. I really am something extraordinary and I stopped blaming people for not getting it, I don't know, but either way I'm happy to be undefined. I'm trans because that's my experience, an experience that has forever changed and shaped the way I see the world and it's an experience that is so unique that I treasure it.
There isn't a word for me yet, at best, I'm what anyone wants to see in me because I never expect people to know the true character of my spirit and I've finally stopped expecting them to do so.
Hope that wasn't a derail.
wow. While I do not share your personal identity, this was really well written and beautiful. I am also about to be thirty (though ive been on t for 10 years) and I think that being a bit older really does put things in perspective. Thanks for writing that post.
Quote from: Rossiter on October 08, 2013, 04:32:49 AM
I kind of miss transsexual being used more, because it's more specific...now trans* seems to be quite popular but that includes a lot of people who really have nothing in common with me - actually sometimes even the word transgender encompasses all these different identities and stuff as well. It's counterintuitive to me to group myself with people who don't have dysphoria and don't want to transition, when that's basically the entire experience for me. When people hear "transsexual" a lot of them think "born in the wrong body" and "surgeries" and that's accurate enough in my case.
I couldn't agree more. I really dislike the idea of a transgender umbrella since most of the things included under it arent trans, just gender variant. It should be called the gender variant umbrella.
Quote from: Lexicon on October 10, 2013, 10:45:33 AM
I've been thinking about this a lot for many years. I'm 30 now, just started T yesterday but spent the last 12 years really thinking about wether or not T was for me, mainly because of this conversation.
I'm neither. I truly exist somewhere in between, as I'm sure many of us do. The world, humanity, whatever, hasn't caught up with that yet. There's no words, pronouns, consciousness, or emotional space yet that we can inhabit free from this question of one or the other aside from the one's we carve out in our own hearts and minds.
For me, I've never been a woman but I'm also not a man. The most I can do is make myself comfortable in the body I have and in the culture I inhabit which for me means taking on a more male physiology. I believe that to be the closest to my truest expression. I identify simply as my name these days unless I find myself in a situation in which it is both helpful and necessary to identify myself for someone.
5 years ago I was almost killed in San Francisco during a hate crime. After many months of agonizing pain, emotional and psychological trauma and a grueling legal process, I made a decision. I am not going to spend one more day of my life being uncomfortable for someone else.
I admit, I have a life here that I've made for myself that is now a privilege and a gift to live. I've carved out a safe space for myself at work, at home, in my community in which I'm well respected and appreciated for my experience and perspective and this lets me move through my world without having to explain myself. I let people figure it out for themselves or talk to other people because I'm not confused and I'm not uncomfortable so their confusion or discomfort is just that -- theirs. When people lose it on me I have to accept that most people will never understand who I am or how I live or what I've been through. For most people, I'll be the only trans person they ever encounter so I give them permission to be vulnerable, curious, and to love someone they didn't think they could even like. I don't know if that makes sense, but I kind of feel like it's part of the package, part of my responsibility as someone who exists in the middle -- not to just be angry that people don't get it -- to live as hopeful, happy, healthy example and to educate where I can.
I used to fight a lot. I used to lose it on people or I'd take it so personally that I'd be paralyzed by the pain of whatever they said or did. Sometimes that still happens, but mostly I'm able to stay grounded. Maybe it's being a bit older than I was when I was at my dumbest or maybe it's just really coming to peace with the fact that I really am different. I really am something extraordinary and I stopped blaming people for not getting it, I don't know, but either way I'm happy to be undefined. I'm trans because that's my experience, an experience that has forever changed and shaped the way I see the world and it's an experience that is so unique that I treasure it.
There isn't a word for me yet, at best, I'm what anyone wants to see in me because I never expect people to know the true character of my spirit and I've finally stopped expecting them to do so.
Hope that wasn't a derail.
I appreciate a post like this. I've got 10 years on you and I'm not transitioning, not because I'm not transsexual (or not male inside) but for a variety of reasons both health-wise and social. I have a pretty nice life. I even have a few select friends who treat me as male, no questions asked. Somehow, I made it through many years of absolute hell because of my gender issues and bad choices I made to "hide" from those issues and I've come out the other side to be where I presently am in my life. I have my off days. Sometimes when I do I come here.
Personally, I don't want to identify as trans. I want to identify as a woman. Unfortunately, pre-transition, unless I want to identify as male (which I don't) and I don't appear female at all, I feel as if I have to identify as trans.
Quote from: Nidalexi on October 09, 2013, 04:45:29 PM
I know I am trans, I don't enjoy the fact that I wasn't born the gender I feel I should have been, but I am trans. Being trans, I feel it would be in my best interests, as well as the whole of the trans community, to at least acknowledge and support my condition. I do not think I'd ever say, "I am a trans woman" or simply put I am trans, I'd only ever refer to myself as a woman. However, I will not distance myself from the fact that I am transsexual. It is in my best interest to help the community as a whole to makes things better for people like me in the future.
>__> I noticed your Miqo'te, and had to say hello to a fellow FFXIV player. Balmung-er over here!
Anyhow, I agree with this post. I simply am a man, and "identify" as one. But sometimes I will identify as a trans as well if the situation calls for it. (ex: This really amazing guy ended up liking me, so I felt it only fair to let him know I do not have the right.. uh.. equipment, down there. But he doesn't believe me xD He kinda just laughed it off and thinks I'm lying. Which is weird, I'm not even on T!)
Quote from: KingKai on October 13, 2013, 10:59:05 AM
>__> I noticed your Miqo'te, and had to say hello to a fellow FFXIV player. Balmung-er over here!
Anyhow, I agree with this post. I simply am a man, and "identify" as one. But sometimes I will identify as a trans as well if the situation calls for it. (ex: This really amazing guy ended up liking me, so I felt it only fair to let him know I do not have the right.. uh.. equipment, down there. But he doesn't believe me xD He kinda just laughed it off and thinks I'm lying. Which is weird, I'm not even on T!)
Yus! I have a couple characters on Balmung, but my mains are on Zalera.
And that's not exactly what I meant though I do agree with doing that. All my good friends know, and I told my current boyfriend too.
What I really meant was- I'm a woman and just a woman. That's all. In the background of course I am trans, but that's not something I'll advertise about myself, nor will I distance myself from the trans community.
In my eyes being trans is more or less having a deformity or being sick, and what we do is try to counteract it. Until people who are Diabetic start saying "Hi, I'm Lucy and I'm a diabetic female" I'm not going to run around saying I'm a trans woman. I'll tell who I feel should know, but it will not be a part of my social identity.
@Nidalexi - Sorry if my post was a bit unclear xD That's pretty much exactly what I was trying to say!
Quote from: mangoslayer on October 05, 2013, 03:26:32 PM
I don't "identify" as anything. Identifying as something generally implies choice. I simply am male (and happen to have transsexualism)
This.
Quote from: chuck on September 30, 2013, 10:12:33 AM
I identify as male. Not trans-anything. Just a guy with some medical issues.
This.