After contemplating my username for over an hour, I'm finally ready to make my first post.
Hello, hola, et bonjour to all you lovely people. I guess you can all call me Willow. I'm a MtF transwoman, or at least, that's where I'd like to start. The name on my birth certificate is Ryan, but I've had people call me several different feminine names, but none stuck until I thought of Willow in my head. A rather elegant, yet simple and easy to spell name.
So, my story:
I was born male into an American military family, my father still serves. Outside of the world they created for me, I had very little experiences. Learning about different religions changed things, but leave that for another time. Point is, I realised something about myself. The way I am, wasn't like the other boys. I didn't like to get rough in sports, I liked to cross my legs when I sat, and overall just be feminine. I was called "gay" and "->-bleeped-<-got" throughout school, and just told to "grow up" by my parents, and that was all they knew. About 4 years ago, I started to delve into the internet, and attempt to pass myself off as female, to see if I had the emotions down. To many, I was considered a ciswoman. And then, someone found out. Rather than chastise me for "lying," he told me about transsexuality. I never knew such a thing existed, and from then on, at least in private, I have identified myself as a transsexual woman.
Now at university, and especially so after the campus trans* organization meeting last night, I've felt like I want to kickstart myself and start transitioning. Unfortunately, the main thing blocking me is my parents. I'm afraid what they'd say or do to me, especially after hearing them talk about the transgender Miss Canada ("Boys don't belong in beauty pageants, girls do" they said) and I'm afraid to loose the money they pay for my tuition. I recieve no financial aid due to my dad being a high ranking officer and making too much money.
It seemed that I was the only person in such a position as this. Perhaps, if I find a way through it, I'll write a book or paper on it, so other trans* can learn from it.
So anyways, enough about me. I can't wait to meet you all!
Hi Willow :icon_wave:
Welcome to Susan's :) Glad to have you here
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Hugs
V M
Quote from: V M on October 11, 2013, 05:25:33 PM
Hi Willow :icon_wave:
Welcome to Susan's :) Glad to have you here
Please be sure to review
- Site Terms of Service and rules to live by (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html)
- Standard Terms and Definitions (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.0.html)
- Post Ranks ( including when you can upload an avatar) (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,114.0.html.)
- Age and the Forum (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,62197.msg405545.html#msg405545)
- Reputation rules (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,18960.0.html)
- Photo, avatars, and signature images policy (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,59974.msg383866.html#msg383866)
Hugs
V M
Thanks for all that. Read them all while lurking a bit before deciding to post. Thanks for reminding me anyways!
Wello hello willo, nice to meet you.
I understand your fear of talking to your parents, and sorry about this if it doesn't help, but you deserve to be happy as a person, think about that while making your decision.
Hi Willow, welcome to Susan's! :)
Amy
Welcome to the site, hon. Make yourself at home.
I have to get the image of you looking like Alyson Hannigan out of my head now, with your screen name. I can't help it.
Anyways, good to have you here. *hugs*
Welcome Willow,
It hard but someday you will have to live true to your inner feelings. Yes they can be stuffed away for years but if they are true GID feelings they will be back.
Take things day by day and do not rush anything you are not ready to back up.
Izzy
Welcome Willow! :) I know the agony of trying to choose that perfect name for a forum. I'm glad you pulled through!
Quote from: Xhianil on October 11, 2013, 05:28:05 PMWello hello willo, nice to meet you.
I understand your fear of talking to your parents, and sorry about this if it doesn't help, but you deserve to be happy as a person, think about that while making your decision.
I really don't know how, when, or if ever I will do it. But thanks anyways. Happiness is always my ultimate goal in everything. The process, though, seems to be the difficult part.
Quote from: Amelia Pond on October 11, 2013, 05:30:21 PM
Hi Willow, welcome to Susan's! :)
Amy
Thanks so much, and nice to meet you too! *hug*
Quote from: Sephirah on October 11, 2013, 05:32:30 PM
Welcome to the site, hon. Make yourself at home.
I have to get the image of you looking like Alyson Hannigan out of my head now, with your screen name. I can't help it.
Anyways, good to have you here. *hugs*
Heh, do I wish I could. Really want to be feminine so bad. Especially with the Italian traits I passed down from mom, I look far too masculine for my liking.
Quote from: mind is quiet now on October 11, 2013, 05:32:50 PM
Welcome Willow,
It hard but someday you will have to live true to your inner feelings. Yes they can be stuffed away for years but if they are true GID feelings they will be back.
Take things day by day and do not rush anything you are not ready to back up.
Izzy
I wish I could live said feelings now. Unfortunately, I'm scared to, with my body image. I'm sure, though, that this is not an uncommon experience at all.
Quote from: Malachite on October 11, 2013, 05:33:05 PM
Welcome Willow! :) I know the agony of trying to choose that perfect name for a forum. I'm glad you pulled through!
Ugh yeah, it was tough. But for some reason, the letter W appeals to my eye, and also, Willow was the name of a very beautiful friend I had back in school, back in the sheltered days.
Quote from: Willow on October 11, 2013, 05:39:43 PM
I really don't know how, when, or if ever I will do it. But thanks anyways. Happiness is always my ultimate goal in everything. The process, though, seems to be the difficult part.
It is so very much so, I'm going through a similar thing to you except I'm stuck with my mom, i plan on leaving the second i can though, cause i hate her, so i won't have to come out to her.
Quote from: Xhianil on October 11, 2013, 05:43:58 PMIt is so very much so, I'm going through a similar thing to you except I'm stuck with my mom, i plan on leaving the second i can though, cause i hate her, so i won't have to come out to her.
After my dad deployed back in the summer of '05, he'd been home a total of two years. The military sent him everywhere.I was raised by my mother, who is a strict authoritarian in the house. You do what she says before she asks you kind of thing, which never made sense to me. She also made me keep my hair buzzed. Now, I'll only be going home every 6 months or so, but then, there go 6 months of hair growth.
But I totally understand. If I could hold out 4 more years, so I'd have an education paid for and then sever all ties, I'm would. I'm just too excited, I guess, to wait that long.
Welcome Willow!
I'm new here as well and wanted to say hello and thank you for taking the time to write your story. Wow.
I hope you find a home here, there is so much to read and learn and so many folks to connect with. I can relate to some pieces of your journey and just wanted to say welcome from another new comer.
Much love to you!
Lex
Quote from: Willow on October 11, 2013, 05:49:35 PM
After my dad deployed back in the summer of '05, he'd been home a total of two years. The military sent him everywhere.I was raised by my mother, who is a strict authoritarian in the house. You do what she says before she asks you kind of thing, which never made sense to me. She also made me keep my hair buzzed. Now, I'll only be going home every 6 months or so, but then, there go 6 months of hair growth.
But I totally understand. If I could hold out 4 more years, so I'd have an education paid for and then sever all ties, I'm would. I'm just too excited, I guess, to wait that long.
Well you can always start blockers and low doses of E for now.
Hi Willow, welcome to Susan's Place! I'm up near Boston. Glad you found the site, hugs Devlyn
Hi Willow :icon_wave:
Welcome to Susan's!
Quote from: Lexicon on October 11, 2013, 05:50:09 PM
Welcome Willow!
I'm new here as well and wanted to say hello and thank you for taking the time to write your story. Wow.
I hope you find a home here, there is so much to read and learn and so many folks to connect with. I can relate to some pieces of your journey and just wanted to say welcome from another new comer.
Much love to you!
Lex
Thanks, Lex!
Yeah, I hope to piece some ideas together and figure out a plan, and all you can help, and I'll help in any way needed :)
Quote from: Xhianil on October 11, 2013, 05:51:40 PM
Well you can always start blockers and low doses of E for now.
I would, but I'm not too keen on self medicating. I'm seeing a psychologist at the university now, once we get to the topic of gender (she's more focused on my history with my family right now, but she said she'll get to it) to see if I can get to see an endocrinologist.
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on October 11, 2013, 05:55:04 PM
Hi Willow, welcome to Susan's Place! I'm up near Boston. Glad you found the site, hugs Devlyn
Hey Dev. Spent 2 years myself up in that area. Thanks for the warm welcome :)
Quote from: ginataylor on October 11, 2013, 05:55:32 PM
Hi Willow :icon_wave:
Welcome to Susan's!
Thanks Gina!
Hugs for all!
Quote from: Willow on October 11, 2013, 06:15:08 PM
I would, but I'm not too keen on self medicating. I'm seeing a psychologist at the university now, once we get to the topic of gender (she's more focused on my history with my family right now, but she said she'll get to it) to see if I can get to see an endocrinologist.
I'm not saying you should at all.
I'd say ditch her, if she doesn't focus on you the second you ask then she isn't doing her job.
Quote from: Xhianil on October 11, 2013, 06:38:29 PMI'm not saying you should at all.
I'd say ditch her, if she doesn't focus on you the second you ask then she isn't doing her job.
EDIT: Sorry, I misread your post. Yeah, if she doesn't want to refer me to an endocrinologist, or if she is unable to (she's not a gender therapist, just a normal psychologist,) refer me to someone who can, then I'll for sure seek someone who can.
Fortunately, my insurance covers pretty much everything, but not SRS, of course. That comes later.
If you ever need help you can PM me, i may be new but I'll try my best.
Quote from: Xhianil on October 11, 2013, 07:18:55 PM
If you ever need help you can PM me, i may be new but I'll try my best.
Well, you're not as new as me :P
But I'll keep in in mind, thanks *hug*
Quote from: Willow on October 11, 2013, 07:22:28 PM
Well, you're not as new as me :P
But I'll keep in in mind, thanks *hug*
No problem, always happy to help if i can. *hugs back.*
Hi Willow, :icon_wave:
Welcome to our little family. Over 7948 members. That would be one heck of a family reunion.
Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams. Ask questions and seek answers. Give and receive advice.
But remember we are family here, your family now. And it is always nice to have another sister. (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fsmileys.on-my-web.com%2Frepository%2FAnimals%2Fferret-3.gif&hash=f49e2f86761323f2abd9c33941920389dbb3b10f)
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fsmileys.on-my-web.com%2Frepository%2FAnimals%2Fferret-5.gif&hash=cfc7a68438be4575d8493dfbe65d1b3586f10b81)
Janet )O(
Quote from: Ms. OBrien CVT on October 11, 2013, 10:38:26 PMHi Willow, :icon_wave:
Welcome to our little family. Over 7948 members. That would be one heck of a family reunion.
Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams. Ask questions and seek answers. Give and receive advice.
But remember we are family here, your family now. And it is always nice to have another sister. (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fsmileys.on-my-web.com%2Frepository%2FAnimals%2Fferret-3.gif&hash=f49e2f86761323f2abd9c33941920389dbb3b10f)
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fsmileys.on-my-web.com%2Frepository%2FAnimals%2Fferret-5.gif&hash=cfc7a68438be4575d8493dfbe65d1b3586f10b81)
Janet )O(
Thanks so much Janet!
Everyone here is so friendly and accepting. Just being here for a few hours has made me a much happier woman :)
Welcome to the family. I am glad you found us. Look forward to talking with you more. BIG HUG :)
Quote from: Jessica Merriman on October 12, 2013, 12:52:30 AMWelcome to the family. I am glad you found us. Look forward to talking with you more. BIG HUG :)
Hooray, big hugs!
I'm trying to see if my friend won't join here. She'd love it, everyone is so great!
Is she trans too or a SO? Either way we will welcome her open arms as long as she is nice like you.
Quote from: Xhianil on October 12, 2013, 01:30:18 AMIs she trans too or a SO? Either way we will welcome her open arms as long as she is nice like you.
She's trans (but she wants to be a non-op) and has a trans SO, don't know about her status though, haven't spoken to her in a while, she always forgets to check her messages :P
But I told them that, after a matter of hours from joining, I felt so much better, and so much more empowered, and it'd be so great if they could join and meet all the great people here.
No problem Willow. Always happy to extend a warm welcome to a new member of our family. If there's ever a question that comes to mind, don't hesitate to PM me. :)