I was reflecting on my first attempt at transition and I've been able to narrow down several reasons why I failed the first time. However I think my biggest hurdle would have to be the expectations I set for myself concerning transition. I tend to be very passionate and intense about things I care about and transition is no different; so I want to see results immediately and I want to do everything at once and ultimately I cause myself a ton of stress, anxiety and no progress. So this time around I want to take a deep breath and just get through transition one step at a time, it's not an easy journey and I need to be less intense concerning this. What about you guys? What hurdles have you all come across while transitioning that you found to be the hardest to overcome or even stopped you from transitioning as well?
<3
To put it bluntly, finances. And I do alright. Transition is such an enormous undertaking, on time, emotions, relationships. But so far for me, the main cost has been real currency. If I had a blank cheque I could still probably make it bounce :laugh:
Quote from: jamielikesyou on October 17, 2013, 03:33:21 AM
To put it bluntly, finances. And I do alright. Transition is such an enormous undertaking, on time, emotions, relationships. But so far for me, the main cost has been real currency. If I had a blank cheque I could still probably make it bounce :laugh:
It really is expensive, having to buy an entire new wardrobe of clothes(that you actually like granted), makeup, hormones, doctor visits, and so on and so on, and that doesn't even include surgery costs for those who opt for surgery.
Woa Nelly!... the cost... Would hate to work out what I've spent so far, and so, so, so much more to go.
Actually the cost hasn't been the biggest hurdle. The biggest hurdle to date was getting hormones right. It took 5 months to finally squash T. A close second is the difficulty in just being in public while I'm changing.
I'd have to say divorce. It's been really hard slowly moving towards a separation and then a divorce with my wife. She has been slowly moving out and into her parents house along with my son. That leaves empty spaces in the house as reminders that it is happening and that I won't be able to wake up every day and see my son's smiling sleepy face anymore. :'(
I'm also already missing my best friend. I've been married to her for more than six years now and once I came out she has had the hardest time dealing with it. And the whole thing just makes it feel like my life is imploding. But to go back to being a man feels like a slow agonizing death by poison.
I'm glad that you posted this thread. These feelings are why I've been so quiet for the past week.
Quote from: Christine167 on October 17, 2013, 04:36:46 AM
I'd have to say divorce. It's been really hard slowly moving towards a separation and then a divorce with my wife. She has been slowly moving out and into her parents house along with my son. That leaves empty spaces in the house as reminders that it is happening and that I won't be able to wake up every day and see my son's smiling sleepy face anymore. :'(
I'm also already missing my best friend. I've been married to her for more than six years now and once I came out she has had the hardest time dealing with it. And the whole thing just makes it feel like my life is imploding. But to go back to being a man feels like a slow agonizing death by poison.
I'm glad that you posted this thread. These feelings are why I've been so quiet for the past week.
That must be extremely hard for you to go through, I'm really sorry to hear that :'( . Just know you have those who love you here and will always be here for you. You aren't a bad person, you are finally becoming truly who you are!
I hate to be the vain one, but what really scares me is thinking I am going to look like a cartoon figure or a caricature of a woman. After a very stress full career, two marriages and 47 years of "T". I think I am going to look hideous. I have a make over and picture session this weekend and I am so scared. Some friends are making me do it to prove I will look OK and not like a psychotic squirrel, but I really think they WILL prove I will look like one. If I look as bad as I think I will, I won't know what to do after that. Except sit down and cry. Sorry to be a buzzkill.
Quote from: Jessica Merriman on October 17, 2013, 04:50:12 AM
I hate to be the vain one, but what really scares me is thinking I am going to look like a cartoon figure or a caricature of a woman. After a very stress full career, two marriages and 47 years of "T". I think I am going to look hideous. I have a make over and picture session this weekend and I am so scared. Some friends are making me do it to prove I will look OK and not like a psychotic squirrel, but I really think they WILL prove I will look like one. If I look as bad as I think I will, I won't know what to do after that. Except sit down and cry. Sorry to be a buzzkill.
Passing is a concern for all of us, I know some extremely beautiful girls who worry about passing even, it's just something we all individually have to try and get past it mentally. I'm sure you will look beautiful though, just try and be confident, confidence goes a long way :) <3
My family and my undying love for them. Ir makes things hard and keep keeps me from making the progress I want. Fear and finances are another thinf, but its really about keeping a sense of emotional stability with my mother.
Money and medical access.
Just everything it seems.
I'm older in my mid 50's & I did not have the courage to change long ago early in life. I for sure need a face lift & neck lift. I have visited one plastic surgeon however I have appointments with others to maybe proceed for a more feminine face this fall & winter.
I'm 5' 9" & a whopping almost 200 pounds, disgusting. Some how I must loose all this fat & try to get back trim some.
Worried about ever having a decent depth vagina regardless of all beginning effort to change & improve myself. My little thing is only maybe 4-5 inches long at best & seems to be shrinking with HRT? How can any surgeon ever make this into a nice normal size vagina?
HRT is going great, breasts are growing, I feel great about decision, small feet & hands, nice smile, nice legs, nice nails, nice feet, mentally I'm just fine, love being a woman inside however I want to become a nice woman outside.
Feel like I'm running the 200 yard hurdles.
I mainly posted this because if any of you young girls read this do not delay in changing & improving your life. The feelings & desires never go away. My best to all you SP girls.
Right now, family...
Once my wife decides it's time to start the divorce... the divorce.
Once the divorce is over... the divorce and expenses (since I'll no longer have much money for this expensive life).
My financial priorities are really going to have to change... and there are so many big non-female expenses after divorce.
My financial priorities (after the big monthly expenses):
1. HRT costs (hopefully low)
2. Healthy food (pretty cheap - veggies & chicken)
3. Kids - birthdays, Christmas, outings, etc.
4. Savings (transition expenses as needed, maybe being able to afford a house again, some day)
5. Entertainment expenses -- this will probably dry up, but I will still need to have some (especially if I can find a social life).
That list alone seems insurmountable... (Edit: and I realized I didn't even think to put the big female costs in there... toiletries & makeup, clothing - I have almost no girl clothes, etc.)
At first it was getting a job, but I finally got one after 3 months of looking and plenty of interviews. I think that's just because the job market sucks so much. But the one thing I haven't been able to get since I transitioned is a boyfriend. I've had plenty of dates, and get hit on quite a bit, but it seems they all are afraid of what their parents will think once they find out.
But I've gotta say I've been pretty lucky with transition and if my problem is men ... I have it easy.
Quote from: Alainaluvsu on October 17, 2013, 07:14:44 AM
At first it was getting a job, but I finally got one after 3 months of looking and plenty of interviews. I think that's just because the job market sucks so much. But the one thing I haven't been able to get since I transitioned is a boyfriend. I've had plenty of dates, and get hit on quite a bit, but it seems they all are afraid of what their parents will think once they find out.
But I've gotta say I've been pretty lucky with transition and if my problem is men ... I have it easy.
Congrats on the job! I think plenty of girls have problems with men... the problems might be different, but at least you're in good company!! ♥
My biggest hurdle is getting over worrying what other people will think of me.
My biggest hurdle is:
HAIR
To much of it in some places, not enough of it in others.
Acceptance of myself and the decision not to continue living a miserable life.
1- Fear of rejection by family
2- Fear of not passing
Other than those fears, I'm fairly well grounded and emotionally stable.
Quote from: suzifrommd on October 17, 2013, 09:03:44 AM
My biggest hurdle is:
HAIR
To much of it in some places, not enough of it in others.
Amen to that sister. It's just not fair sometimes.
Mine is finding the money for surgery. I've had my letters for years and been on hormones for a goodly while. I feel absolutely stuck three feet from the finish line.
I change my answer. My absolute biggest hurdle is work. (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,150849.msg1257435.html#msg1257435)
Quote from: EmmaS on October 17, 2013, 04:42:55 AM
That must be extremely hard for you to go through, I'm really sorry to hear that :'( . Just know you have those who love you here and will always be here for you. You aren't a bad person, you are finally becoming truly who you are!
Thank you Emma.
My biggest problem had to be fear - I'm scared of calling people on the phone and of making appointments, for goodness sake. I was terrified of losing everyone, of losing my job, of having to deal with doctors, of medication... I was basically scared to death for a year. On the other hand, I was fortunate enough that my wife handled all the finances, and we shelled out probably $28K for my entire transition.
(Francis Ann : Don't panic about GRS! Brassard is one of the more "conservative" surgeons when it comes to depth creation, and even he didn't have to resort to skin grafts until he had a woman who was less than 2" erect. It's truly amazing what they can do now, and it's NOT going to be as precise as "what length you have is your future depth," even though they talk about inversion and whatnot.)
Quote from: Jenna Marie on October 17, 2013, 06:08:32 PM
My biggest problem had to be fear - I'm scared of calling people on the phone and of making appointments, for goodness sake. I was terrified of losing everyone, of losing my job, of having to deal with doctors, of medication... I was basically scared to death for a year. On the other hand, I was fortunate enough that my wife handled all the finances, and we shelled out probably $28K for my entire transition.
(Francis Ann : Don't panic about GRS! Brassard is one of the more "conservative" surgeons when it comes to depth creation, and even he didn't have to resort to skin grafts until he had a woman who was less than 2" erect. It's truly amazing what they can do now, and it's NOT going to be as precise as "what length you have is your future depth," even though they talk about inversion and whatnot.)
Jenna Marie, Thank you so much. I'm trying so hard to finally get on track & stay on track. I deserve to become a nice total woman. It has been so frustrating I could cry more if it would help. I feel so normal and happy as Francis however I just need so much physical changes. HRT feels great, my breasts are growing & my body is changing some.
Thank you so much about Dr. Brassard. I've been scared for years & years that I might make all these changes then be unable to enjoy normal sex with a man. That really has been the main point to stop me for most of my life. My little thing is small & I will be one happy girl the day I can actually have a normal type vagina & body.
Thank you again,
Francis Ann Burgett
The biggest hurtle in my transition. I actually have thought a lot about that this week after finally coming out to my parents over the weekend.
It was me :'(
Over the years I had built up so much irrational fears about coming out that I actually believed them as fact. It took me 14 years from the point that I knew what I was until just last weekend when I finally came out to address the mount Everest of fears that I had created in my mind about what my family would say when I came out. All of those fears that I had conjured up were proven to be 100% false, my parents were "ok" with everything or at least until I start presenting myself as female around them. Maybe it could have been from them seeing me become a shell of sadness as the years went on in my adulthood that helped them come to quick terms with what I had to tell them. But now I got that terrible sense of regret for not doing it many years ago and wondering how much different my life would be right now at this very moment if I had came out in my late teens instead of my late 20's as I'm on the verge of turning 30.