Help, I hate being a transsexual, it is destroying my life. I can't go on living with this fear of being a transsexual.
Nobody seems to be willing to help me, I don't know what to do. I have lost my new job cos I had nowhere to live so now my life is falling apart.
I don't know what to do, my life is falling apart, I barely leave my room and I hate being a transsexual!
HELLLLPPPPPPPPPPP MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!
Quote from: FreshGuy on November 07, 2013, 10:56:02 AM
Help, I hate being a transsexual, it is destroying my life. I can't go on living with this fear of being a transsexual.
Nobody seems to be willing to help me, I don't know what to do. I have lost my new job cos I had nowhere to live so now my life is falling apart.
I don't know what to do, my life is falling apart, I barely leave my room and I hate being a transsexual!
HELLLLPPPPPPPPPPP MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!
what exactly makes you a transsexual in this case. You don't want to be another gender, right? Why do you worry then? And even if you are, there's no shame in that, FreshGuy.
FreshGuy, I was just talking about you here recently. Good to know you're still around. The answers you're going to get unfortunately aren't likely to be different now from what they were before unless you have some new information to give us
Quote from: <3 on November 07, 2013, 11:23:04 AM
FreshGuy, I was just talking about you here recently. Good to know you're still around. The answers you're going to get unfortunately aren't likely to be different now from what they were before unless you have some new information to give us
I have some new information:
When I went to the supermarket I deliberately walked through the female products aisle to expose myself to my fear and when I was walking through it I got like a slight warm feeling in my chest.
Also when I was watching a music video I noticed how pretty all the woman in it and then I thought "maybe I want to look like them" I also get a similar thought when I see a picture of Britney Spears.
The other day I was masturbating and I had an image in my head of myself with breasts.
Interesting. Why do you feel that you would like to look like a woman, do you think? I mean besides the fact that you think you might be transsexual. My advice to you is to forget about labels like transsexual and really think about what makes you happy.
Quote from: FreshGuy on November 07, 2013, 11:28:58 AM
I have some new information:
When I went to the supermarket I deliberately walked through the female products aisle to expose myself to my fear and when I was walking through it I got like a slight warm feeling in my chest.
Also when I was watching a music video I noticed how pretty all the woman in it and then I thought "maybe I want to look like them" I also get a similar thought when I see a picture of Britney Spears.
The other day I was masturbating and I had an image in my head of myself with breasts.
That still doesn't necessarily mean you're transsexual. Let me ask you something: Do you feel fine with your gender?
Quote from: <3 on November 07, 2013, 11:33:43 AMInteresting. Why do you feel that you would like to look like a woman, do you think? I mean besides the fact that you think you might be transsexual. My advice to you is to forget about labels like transsexual and really think about what makes you happy.
This. I hate having the label transsexual. I prefer the label woman. But since society sees me as male, I have to cope with the label from outsiders for now. They don't understand, and likely never will. Unfortunate, but it's all I can do.
I'd like to talk to you a little bit more. Maybe we could be friends. Do you have Facebook? You can trust me not to tell anyone else here your name or anything if your worried about that. And I wouldn't post anything on your Facebook wall and my whole page is private so nobody will know that you are friends with a transgender person if you're worried about things like that.
Reason being is that I think posting here every few weeks or months and getting the same responses from different people isn't helping you. I think some consistency with who you talk to could be helpful. Of course I'd like that to be a therapist but I understand if you haven't gotten to that point yet.
Quote from: <3 on November 07, 2013, 11:33:43 AM
Interesting. Why do you feel that you would like to look like a woman, do you think? I mean besides the fact that you think you might be transsexual. My advice to you is to forget about labels like transsexual and really think about what makes you happy.
Um well I wouldn't really say that I would like to look like a woman. I think woman get a better choice of men though, I don't really like gay men.
When I was watching the music video I just suddenly thought "maybe I want to look like that"
But I don't want to look like that
I think I might be in the early stages of discovering my transsexualism.
I'm going to be completely honest about that with you. If you want a bigger selection of men to choose from, your going to likely be severely disappointed in that department as a transsexual.
Quote from: <3 on November 07, 2013, 11:40:45 AM
I'd like to talk to you a little bit more. Maybe we could be friends. Do you have Facebook? You can trust me not to tell anyone else here your name or anything if your worried about that. And I wouldn't post anything on your Facebook wall and my whole page is private so nobody will know that you are friends with a transgender person if you're worried about things like that.
Reason being is that I think posting here every few weeks or months and getting the same responses from different people isn't helping you. I think some consistency with who you talk to could be helpful. Of course I'd like that to be a therapist but I understand if you haven't gotten to that point yet.
Hey, I'm, not keen on giving out my facebook but it will be cool to keep in contact.
Quote from: <3 on November 07, 2013, 11:45:15 AM
I'm going to be completely honest about that with you. If you want a bigger selection of men to choose from, your going to likely be severely disappointed in that department as a transsexual.
Hm, well that sucks lol
You can't just become a woman. A mtf transsexual is already a woman. She just goes through processes to look more like the part. You aren't going to look like Britney Spears or the women in music videos (most likely). Most genetic women don't even look like that. Not even Britney Spears looks like that in real life.
Quote from: FreshGuy on November 07, 2013, 11:45:42 AM
Hey, I'm, not keen on giving out my facebook but it will be cool to keep in contact.
How can we stay in touch? You seem to disappear for long periods of time.
Quote from: <3 on November 07, 2013, 11:50:20 AM
You can't just become a woman. A mtf transsexual is already a woman. She just goes through processes to look more like the part. You aren't going to look like Britney Spears or the women in music videos (most likely). Most genetic women don't even look like that. Not even Britney Spears looks like that in real life.
If mtfs are already women then how can I be a woman if I am a man? This all just so confusing.
Maybe this is an OCD issue, rather than a transsexual issue.
It's pretty likely. But that's a good thing. OCD might be easier to treat than being transsexual. If you can learn to accept the possibility and seek treatment for it.
Quote from: FreshGuy on November 07, 2013, 11:59:25 AM
If mtfs are already women then how can I be a woman if I am a man? This all just so confusing.
Maybe this is an OCD issue, rather than a transsexual issue.
So you feel that everything is fine lined? for example: do you feel that a black man has a black brain,black heart,black well..everything and the same goes for gender? we all make up one large mass.Brain,heart,soul,ideals,perceptions and much more.A better example: If you needed heart surgery and someone elses heart was placed inside of your chest,would you like that all those around you ignored your existence and claimed said heart was not real? think you need to just think on it for awhile.
You should probably should ask yourself if you had to spend the rest of your life as a man could you live with it? I remember some of your older post and each one of them has the same problem your asking help for questions only you can answer we can't tell you that your trans or you would be happier as a woman. You should try to find a good therapist to help you with these questions.
I never had the level of panic your having about this for me being a woman was not something to fear it was as natural to me as breathing it's who I am. When you know who you are their is no panic it's just who you are. So please look within yourself there you will find the answers you seek. :)
Being TS does suck. That's why therapy is always a recommendation whether or not one transitions.
Random thoughts about wanting to look like Britney or having breasts doesn't necessarily make you trans* just in the same way thinking a guy looks hot doesn't necessarily make you gay. Society has a very black and white attitude about sex and gender, and you are realising that there are many shades of grey. Plenty of people wonder and fantasise about being the opposite gender without them being trans* or even curious. Being trans* though is a crushing day to day dissonance brought about by being forced by society to live as a gender that doesn't match how you feel yourself to be; living in a body that simply doesn't match your heart/mind/soul.
It does seem that you may have some transphobia (believe me, I had plenty of that myself) and are struggling with your life and identity - there's nothing remotely wrong with that, everyone struggles with their life and identity... even the seemingly successful and confident types. Please find some support, people to talk to who can help you find a way through. <3 has offered you a helping hand. All the best... :D
You are not TS if you have not had any medical intervention, at this point you would only be TG if you are at all. Its not about just 'wanting to look like' another gender, its about being that gender. Do you want everyone to see you and treat you as a woman? Do you feel that inside you are female but your body does not reflect this? Does it feel wrong to be seen as your birth gender and it cause any kind of dysphoria? If not then its extremely unlikely you are trans* at all. An MTF is not 'becoming' a woman, they have always been female (talking about inside, not what their body looks/looked like) We change our bodies to match our inside so the world sees and treats us correctly. By doing this we are not just becoming that gender, we always have been. You can be a woman if you are one inside, your current body is irrelevant to that. If you do not feel like or want to be a woman then you need to seriously consider this. We typically all have varying degrees of dysphoria brought on by society treating us as something we are not
None of us want to be trans* anything, we have no choice in the matter. Thats the main misconception I hate the most from people who dont get this stuff is they think we choose this. We do not. I'd rather never have been born than had to live with this. The only thing we can do is deal with those who can help us, doctors, therapists and ultimately surgeons (if you need to go that far, I certainly do)
However the fact you even have these thoughts at all there might be something going on there that you need to further explore. I doubt the majority of people would suddenly worry they were TS so maybe you should talk to a gender specialist about it. Not just any therapist but someone who specifically deals with these issues to try help you find what is causing these thoughts. There has never been a single doubt in my mind I've known since before I was 5 that I was wrong. Now age 24 Im dealing with it, mentally getting worse every day as the wait drags on for something to be done.. Another problem with this stuff, it does not go away. Many try to suppress it for many years, maybe for times successfully but it will always come back eventually. For that reason I think its best to deal with it as soon as you can to prevent you having to go through that. The sooner the better as well as in terms of results. My biggest regret is not telling anyone sooner, I could have prevented the effects the wrong hormone had on my body but now its too late for that
No one can tell you who or what you are except yourself. Therapy and such can help you to get to the point where you are completely certain of it yourself though. Many seem to take a long time to come to terms with it and need exploration. I never did but thats not always the case. I knew from a very young age but thats not the case for everyone, some take a long time to realise it. I have never been female and wouldnt even know how to pretend to be. My body seems to dictate to people what I am but its them thats wrong not me. You need to think about how you feel as you are, if you're ok with being that gender. As said you dont just become another gender, you either are or you're not. If its simply about looks then maybe something like crossdressing would suffice your needs? I dont know anything about it as Im not one but they are fine with their birth gender and have no desire to change it
In either case it sounds like you need to think alot about it in terms of how you feel about yourself and where you want to be. Dont worry about being something you're not. Nothing wrong with being trans anyway, its only a label and I hate things being labelled all the time. All that matters is getting help if you need it or coming to terms with it either way to be comfortable with yourself. If you have any concerns regarding this then you should speak to a professional. I am not a doctor (yet, hope to be one day..) but they might be able to help you
Also on another note, gender is not binary. Everyone seems to think it is to force us into little boxes but its not the case. If you are fine with being male yet feel some female inside too might it be possible you could be genderfluid or someone who feels they are both genders? There are those who are neither, some inbetween, and those who change between both. If you are unsure of yourself then there is alot to take in. Unfortunately there is little education regarding trans issues so its understandable why some take longer to come to terms with everything. It wasnt hugely long ago that I realised everything myself and knew there was something we could do about it. Only you know how you feel. As you mentioned it may be a different issue which you are confusing for this. Either way it sounds as if you need to think on it and figure out what the issue is and deal with it as appropriate. It may be something else entirely but you should speak to someone about it if you are concerned
QuoteYou are not TS if you have not had any medical intervention,
This is
false!You can choose to not transition in any way and still be transsexual. It is just a matter of being one gender but having a different sex. That is all.
Quote from: LordKAT on November 07, 2013, 01:40:50 PM
This is false!
You can choose to not transition in any way and still be transsexual. It is just a matter of being one gender but having a different sex. That is all.
Yeah, a lot of misinformation starting to show up in this thread.
Note the warning badge on the O/Ps avatar. I'm guessing we don't see any replies for awhile!
Everything I have known says without anything you are transgender not transsexual. But thats what I get for trying to help
Leo, this is the definition used on this site:
Transsexual: a person who is mentally one gender, but has the body of the other. They desire to live and be accepted as a member of the mental gender, this is generally accompanied by the strong desire to make their body as congruent as possible with the preferred sex through surgery and hormone treatments.
Quote from: Chaos on November 07, 2013, 12:15:27 PM
And to be clear because i never seen this stated in your main post
1) a Transsexual is someone who has Transitioned sex's.This normally means someone who has or will have surgery.
2) If someone hasnt had surgery,then they are Transgender.As the saying goes *All Transsexuals are Transgender but not all Transgender folk are Transsexual*
Aside from that,i came to this thread to find a sense of *crying wolf*
Its not a deadly disease and one that we need some doctor or person to get rid of.
You just need to come to terms and accept yourself for who you are.
Quote from: Leo. on November 07, 2013, 01:23:45 PM
You are not TS if you have not had any medical intervention, at this point you would only be TG if you are at all.
WHOA THERE BUDDY. ok, uh, let's start here.
you are not allowed to speak for others on this matter. being trans is a personal thing, so it's actually not your call to tell people how they can or should identify! please don't do that.
QuoteNone of us want to be trans* anything, we have no choice in the matter.
you are not the final arbiter of how trans people feel. speak for yourself, that's fine, absolutely say "*i* don't want to be trans" if that's how you feel, but give me a break.
ok. all that said, fg, i honestly have to say your behaviour is a little mystifying. i understand that society tells people that being trans is freaky and wrong and gross and that it can instill a lot of resentment and self-loathing, and none of that is your fault. that said, i would say there
is a certain point where you have to take responsibility for what you do with that information when applying it to yourself. it's clear you've put yourself through mental contortions and are having a hard time dealing with your feelings that your body and your social role aren't right. at a certain point though, there's a limit as to what we as bystanders can do to help you with it. basically, we can tell you that it's ok for you to be who you are, and that the way people typically start to get better is by trying to unlearn the bs that society tells you about being trans. but for that to make a measurable impact, you have to be willing to believe it.
it sucks, i know, but it's not the end of the world, and sometimes it's surprising how much people can help, even if they don't understand. we're here to listen, but you gotta listen in return. it's not that bad. i promise.
Quote from: transtrender on November 07, 2013, 02:24:42 PM
Just to be clear,that post was removed due to a misunderstanding.I realized that things arent the same here as they are elsewhere *as far as terms go* and in respect for others and those terms,i removed that comment but i still hold to the rest of what i said
Aside from that,i came to this thread to find a sense of *crying wolf*
Its not a deadly disease and one that we need some doctor or person to get rid of.
You just need to come to terms and accept yourself for who you are.
Yeah I wont bother posting here anymore when this is all I get for trying to help
I wasnt speaking on someone else's behalf. Did you read anything else I said? I have never seen anyone say they wanted to be trans I used what I've seen from other here say themselves. Again trans* is a label so who really cares, its only a termed label it doesnt change what it is. Anyway Im done so whatever, everything I do is wrong apparently so I wont try anymore
Quote from: Leo. on November 07, 2013, 02:34:01 PM
Yeah I wont bother posting here anymore when this is all I get for trying to help
I wasnt speaking on someone else's behalf. Did you read anything else I said? I have never seen anyone say they wanted to be trans I used what I've seen from other here say themselves. Again trans* is a label so who really cares, its only a termed label it doesnt change what it is. Anyway Im done so whatever, everything I do is wrong apparently so I wont try anymore
Sigh. Grow up.
Wow.. I dont belong here. Sorry for trying to help someone. I dont need this attitude with all the crap I get on a daily basis for only trying to help. I got a term wrong fine I accept that. I dont want to be attacked over it. No one else seems to get that yet I always do. Yes I am mentally unstable but I dont need it. I was only offering some suggestions to someone who may need it
And now we're not helping anymore, we're arguing...
How about if you have something to add to the original post, add it. If you have a problem with someone else's post, report it or send them a PM.
Just a suggestion
Yeah, I'm being a little bit hypocritical with this post, but what can ya do :P
FreshGuy : I feel for you, I really do, but you're not going to get anywhere new by doing the same things. :( I can only say that a) you still DO NOT have to transition or do anything whatsoever that you don't want and b) it genuinely does seem like it might be an OCD thing instead.
It sounds like you've been on here before, but I don't recall any of your posts, so I'm certainly missing information here.
Let's start with: have you considered whether you're just autogynephilic (the attraction to imagining oneself as a woman)?
If that's definitely not it, then how comfortable are you with being branded a man, as opposed to a woman?
Like the others before me said, being trans* isn't something to be ashamed of; the bad connotations that being trans* can have exist in parts of society which havn't accepted that some people fit outside their norm, and disgrace them for simply being. The only situation where being trans is legitimately a bad thing is in those people's heads. I'm not saying its easy, just that one shouldn't be ashamed of of being trans* because there's nothing to be ashamed for.
Again, as said in previous posts, you're not trans* simply because you've imagined you might like looking like someone outside your assigned gender, especially if they're attractive; not all people look like that, and even the celebrities themselves have to go through a lot pf prep to get that appearance. Think deeply, could you be happy living as a woman, in a woman's body? Not just an attractive woman; picture yourself, if you had gone through transition, and be realistic. Would you be happier and content living as you've imagined this, or would you still prefer your life as it is now? That question should reoccur. It's never simple to answer, and time can change your response if you're not especially swayed one way or the other.
What else makes you think you could be a woman? It sounds like you've just started exploring that potential side of yourself, so there's going to be a lot more to think about until you're certain.
Anyhow, I hope this helped at all and I got the right message across.
I'm going to lock this thread for a while.
The op has posted essentially the same question several times and it goes around and around.
Please when discussing terms etc on this site use the definitions in Susan's announcement area.
And take a few deep breathes, getting upset about such stuff is not beneficial to any of us.
Cindy