When the psychologist I had hired to write my referral letter for SRS told me at the end of the session that he wasn't ready to write my letter, one of the reasons he gave is that I may change my mind during the seven months between now and my surgery date.
Has anyone here done that?
Have you been in a position where financing was in place and no health issues stood in your way and you went from planning to get SRS to planning not to get it?
If so, what changed your mind?
I am personally 99.9% (or more) sure I'm getting it done. Still want it all day, every day without fail.
There are a handful of people I've heard of/from who changed their minds for the following reasons: Religious conversion, scared away because of pain from electrolysis, the surgery itself or the grueling dilation schedule, appeasing a domestic partner or becoming asexual.
When I started transition, SRS was a must have for me.. 100% had to have it. As time has passed and I've 'grown into' being me, I found it became less and less of a requirement.. I also came to realise that there was a good chance I'd regret it.
I would only change if I was convinced I would not get to surgery. But if I had my date set, no way in hell would I change. Except for Pre-op to Post-op. (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fsmileys.on-my-web.com%2Frepository%2FAnimals%2Fferret-3.gif&hash=f49e2f86761323f2abd9c33941920389dbb3b10f)
Call it an occupational hazard, but if you are absolutely, positively, 100% about something.... you really aren't seeing things as they really are. If I were evaluating someone and they had this attitude I would be concerned over their nonreality based opinion.
I have regrets over where I am now. I have regrets and fears over where I need to go. Yet the undeniable truth is I am by far happier as well as a more balanced and better person to be around. So, by your therapist reasoning I should have stopped this journey I started 5 years ago when I first started thinking about it. After all.... I may just change my mind.
As I've gone through the process of figuring myself out I went from identifying as androgyne without any intention of medical transition to wanting HRT/orchi to MTF and wanting SRS. My attitude towards my parts has gone from indifference to a "strong dislike" and progressing every day.
While this is the opposite of what you're talking about, what I am saying is that I know my opinion has changed so I guess anything is possible in terms of a change of attitude.
That being said, I did have a referral for work to be done on my face. It would be 100% covered by the province, but I backed out because I wanted to sort out my transition first and have gone through the changes from HRT before. Other surgeries I've had the doctor would still give me the chance to change my mind right up to the point were I'm put under.
It make no sense to deny you your referral. You can always back out at any time if you change your mind.
To be honest I forget it is even there most of the time. SRS would be great in the future but even if I never get it done, it won't really be a big deal. At the same time, I'm in a happy, permanent relationship. If that weren't the case I would probably feel a little bit different.
I was pretty sure that is why many letters are written with expiration dates. In my case, what if I'm freaking out at t minus 1 hr? I'd still jump in the surgery bed and comply because while someone might say "you don't need to do this" my reply is, "yes I do."
I am scheduled for 4/16/2014, currently not funded.
Quote from: Just Lara on November 21, 2013, 12:35:50 AM
To be honest I forget it is even there most of the time. SRS would be great in the future but even if I never get it done, it won't really be a big deal. At the same time, I'm in a happy, permanent relationship. If that weren't the case I would probably feel a little bit different.
I feel the same way except that I don't have the happy, permanent relationship. I'm older, I have no interest in dating anyone, and I seem to have turned asexual these days so what's in my pants really doesn't matter to me that much. If I got a v-jayjay installed i'd likely never use it, so i'm thinking - whats the point in me having one installed? Its would be a lot of money spent and a lot of recovery time for something that will gather dust.
If it's important to you by all means please do it - it's just not important to me right now.
Quote from: Missy~rmdlm on November 21, 2013, 01:29:56 AM
I was pretty sure that is why many letters are written with expiration dates. In my case, what if I'm freaking out at t minus 1 hr? I'd still jump in the surgery bed and comply because while someone might say "you don't need to do this" my reply is, "yes I do."
I am scheduled for 4/16/2014, currently not funded.
Please forgive me if I'm reading this wrong, but by freaking out at that time are you referring to the
surgery or the
decision to have surgery?
I have freaked out before every surgery because of the risks and the recovery every time and every time I still hopped up on that table because I knew the decision was the right one.
Oh definitely freaking out at the prep stage itself in the OR, I have lost direct family members in surgery (my dad.) It wasn't supposed to happen that way.
As a couple of women have mentioned, being wanted and loved for who you are, as a woman, in your current packaging, with all of your parts, can be transformative.
I myself am somewhat torn; I have experienced and now believe that the right person or persons for me could very well be out there and be absolutely tickled pink that I am a woman with a penis etc etc. I can theorize that I will increase my "chance" of finding him or her by making my body conform to standard societal expectations for my gender, but really, I am such an odd duck, those statistics don't matter at all. My being transsexual is still one of the most "normal" and every day aspects of me.
I do know that a significant portion of my soul, one of my spirits, is extremely dysphoric, about being configured physically like a guy in that way. And the portions of my soul, some are very masculine, but not so attached to the parts, and would willingly sacrifice his/their? comfort for her sanity. So as the person who is all of these spirits and beings at once, what is the right and ethical and happymaking thing to do? I really don't know.
I can tell you that I was blown away, but intrigued, the first time I made friends with a very female, very femme, woman who had no intention of getting bottom surgery - she had coverage, had it paid for, and still spent her own funds on breast augmentation and on her planned for butt amplification and wasn't comfortable telling me, an obviously body-dysphoric trans woman, that she absolutely wasn't going to get it. Her only lament was that guys thought she was so hot but weren't interested in settling down. I have sisters and nieces and a mom and female cousins, and that is not a uniquely transgender complaint. And she was quite rational about the fact that her body, fully intact, with a woman's penis, had far more nerve endings and potential for sexual pleasure than she would have once inverted, rearranged and reduced. So I think she was right, if your benefit (in reducing dysphoria) does not exceed the cost (not only in money, but in nerve endings and in risk) then you really shouldn't do it, despite what your more body-dysphoric sisters may decide.
I'd say your therapist had their mind made up before you started. They had no intention of giving you the letter, no matter what you said.
If you can, look for a different therapist. Sure people change their mind, So What? If you change your mind you cancel the surgery.
Quote from: MadelineB on November 22, 2013, 02:34:13 AM
I have experienced and now believe that the right person or persons for me could very well be out there and be absolutely tickled pink that I am a woman with a penis etc etc. I can theorize that I will increase my "chance" of finding him or her by making my body conform to standard societal expectations for my gender, but really, I am such an odd duck, those statistics don't matter at all.
Though I would claim (IMO, and I am an opinionated person) that if a woman is doing SRS mostly to make herself more desirable, that's the wrong reason, or at least not a good enough reason alone. Likewise, if a man finds me attractive as I am, even if I totally love him, I couldn't see keeping my body in the wrong shape for him. After all, I had a spouse I DID love and I ended up driving her away because I insisted I needed a female presentation.
Quote from: Sarah Louise on November 22, 2013, 11:57:46 AM
I'd say your therapist had their mind made up before you started.
Actually, I don't think so. I think something about me bothered him, maybe my attitude, maybe the fact that I was questioning orthodoxy, maybe the fact that I though I knew as much as he did. My own therapist (who knows him well and who I really trust) says that he very rarely does this.
Quote from: Sarah Louise on November 22, 2013, 11:57:46 AM
Sure people change their mind, So What? If you change your mind you cancel the surgery.
My thoughts exactly.
I think this point is very important. Whether male or female, the nerves from the genital region to the brain are the same. The pudendal nerve and the messages send from it to the brain are what causes pleasurable sexual sensations. Once you begin slicing things up down there, nerves are severed that may never grow back.
The Neoclitoris is typically less than 20% of the size of the glans, so sensation is lost.
There are many valid reasons to have SRS, but increasing your sexual sensation is not one of them
Randi
Quote from: MadelineB on November 22, 2013, 02:34:13 AM
And she was quite rational about the fact that her body, fully intact, with a woman's penis, had far more nerve endings and potential for sexual pleasure than she would have once inverted, rearranged and reduced.
Quote from: Kelly the Post-Trans-Rebel on November 13, 2013, 09:27:44 PM
When I started transition, SRS was a must have for me.. 100% had to have it. As time has passed and I've 'grown into' being me, I found it became less and less of a requirement.. I also came to realise that there was a good chance I'd regret it.
That's a very, very honest thing to say! +1!
Hi ... Re: "Changing your mind" ... Back when I had my SRS I had to save up for 7 years to get the money to go through with it, and the therapist said he thought that was good ... Because it would force me to really consider the decision. But 7 years later I was more than ready. The doctor asked me about 6 times if "I was sure" right before the operation, but I never waivered. Perhaps some do, or they wouldn't ask so much ...
Re: Reasons to say "non-op" ... One thing they never consider beyond bathroom issues, legal requirements for name changes etc. ... Heaven forbid that one day one of us ends up in jail for a few days or a few months or more ... Imagine what would happen if you have had your HRT, your breasts have developed, your body has feminized to some degree, yet without the SRT you are required to be in with the rest of the male population. OMG ... What a nightmare, literally. You just never know what might happen ... Even in a protest roundup or a DUI situation. I'd be careful. There are good reasons to follow through with the SRS if the desire is to enjoy the female form.
Just food for thought ... However improbable. Roberto.
Quote from: Roberto on December 24, 2013, 07:59:38 PM
I had to save up for 7 years to get the money to go through with it, and the therapist said he thought that was good ... Because it would force me to really consider the decision.
I'll admit this attitude steams me. The notion that someone should spent 7 years of their life with their body out of sync with their brain simply to protect them from might be a bad decision is warped. It's a perpetuation of the notion that trans people are adolescent in their decision-making skills and need to be guided and protected.
Am I the only one that thinks so?
Quote from: Randi on November 28, 2013, 10:17:56 PM
The Neoclitoris is typically less than 20% of the size of the glans, so sensation is lost.
There are many valid reasons to have SRS, but increasing your sexual sensation is not one of them
Good point. The neoclit won't have the zillion nerve endings a cis women's has. It's such a small space that's probably going to provide most of your pleasure.
Quote from: suzifrommd on December 26, 2013, 06:24:32 AM
Quote from: Roberto on December 24, 2013, 07:59:38 PM
I had to save up for 7 years to get the money to go through with it, and the therapist said he thought that was good ... Because it would force me to really consider the decision.
I'll admit this attitude steams me. The notion that someone should spent 7 years of their life with their body out of sync with their brain simply to protect them from might be a bad decision is warped. It's a perpetuation of the notion that trans people are adolescent in their decision-making skills and need to be guided and protected.
Am I the only one that thinks so?
No, it is pretty bad. We're not serving 7 years for Rachael after all.
Hi ... Yes, 7 years. But with a better paying job it could have been less! I guess I wasn't thinking that that particular point would be the eyebrow-raising portion of my post, but yes ... 7 years is long enough to be presumed legally dead, at it was a long time. It was a long time ago now, so it doesn't seem so "infinite", but at the time it was painful. But you also have to remember that back in the mid 1980's, the entire community was much more reluctant to admit that "we" exist ... We were just "confused". Yah, right. Hopefully today nobody has to wait as long as I did ... There are many more options today, even financially. Thanks for all of your support! Roberto.
surgery was an absolute essential for me as women don't have penises and wanting to swim and play on women's teams would have been an embarrassment to me and them if I had a penis.
as for pain or operations - it all passes.
Why would TS want breasts but want to retain a penis?
Hi ... Agree with you completely! I was basically stating the same thing, but giving those who are avoiding the SRS one more good reason to move forward. Roberto
Quote from: Roberto on December 26, 2013, 01:26:52 PM
Hi ... Agree with you completely! I was basically stating the same thing, but giving those who are avoiding the SRS one more good reason to move forward. Roberto
And what of those that can't have surgery? Medically, it's simply not an option for me. I'm not avoiding it, I just can't have it. I'm not going to let it stop me from being me though.
Quote from: lilacwoman on December 26, 2013, 12:23:33 PM
surgery was an absolute essential for me as women don't have penises and wanting to swim and play on women's teams would have been an embarrassment to me and them if I had a penis.
as for pain or operations - it all passes.
Why would TS want breasts but want to retain a penis?
In the US alone, half a million women with penises who are living as women would disagree.
Many women have penises. Many men don't. The world is not the same as when we older folks grew up. Even then, 90+ % of transsexuals never had bottom surgery, even though any thought that society gave us was driven by the (now discredited) medicos who insisted that surgery defined whether one was a man or a woman.
It is still a wonderful way to relieve dysphoria for some men and some women, but surgery does not make one a man or a woman, and it does not define what you can do in life and who you can do it with.
Most schools etc have gotten away from shared open showers and locker rooms especially on the women's side, so tucking is not a problem like it was. And for every person who would exclude you for having non-standard anatomy, there is another person who won't.
I can tell you, having non-standard anatomy for your gender does NOT preclude you from enjoying the activities of your life, though it sometimes requires educating your sisters or adjusting (literally) how you do things. People respond to confidence, ease in your own skin, and genuineness.
It doesn't help the original poster to answer that you don't see any reason besides money and medical reasons to not have the surgery. That may be why she was asking it, that she didn't know either. Its ok not to know.
The answer is really quite simple for voluntary non-ops. Like any other thing that you can do, but chose not to do, those who don't have a major operation that will change their body forever, even though they could, just know that at least for now and maybe for always, it is not for them, maybe because they don't need it to make them whole, maybe because there are different kinds of wholeness and they have already found the kind(s) of wholeness that their soul needs.
You won't see many voluntary non-ops talking about it because it is a magnet for abuse from old-school folks who believe that genitals make the woman or the man, and who therefore will find a way to deny your manhood or womanhood for not having a manhood or a womanhood (in the medieval use of the word). You also won't find many long term voluntary non-ops on this site because they have resolved all the issues in their lives through their own version of transition and affirmation and find the discussions here no longer relevant or interesting.
It does not in any way reduce the dysphoria, or medical need, of the woman who needs GCS that there are other women who do not need it, and the medical field recognizes this. Every person's situation and needs are different. Viva la difference! And listen to the heart- it knows.
Ever since I transitioned I have been on the fence about whether or not to have grs, srs whatever you wanna call it. Just with in the last year or so people born in Ontario, Canada can change their birth records including their health cards to the chosen gender with out having any form of geintal surgery.
I went ahead and changed mine as well have had a orchiectomy. A part of me would like srs but then a part of me does not want it. Reasons are the complications that can happen with srs and will I be happier after it. I don't dislike or even hate my penis. Unlike some people who do. And as far as my birth certificate and records now say female I'm female.
People don't know that I am trans to look at me unless they know what to look for. And for the most part where I live I blend in with everyone else. Also people who get orchis are considered post-op just not in the sense of having things removed and inverted. I've never been 100% happy with who I am and I don't think that would change if I go through srs. Transition is such a bitch and to how far is a person willing to go and then have things not work out and then you're stuck with genitals that are all f$%ked up what if.
Ugh.