Hi :)
Okay, so since I was little I alwals felt like a boy. My parents told me that I was a girl. I wore boys clothes and had short hair as a kid.
My boobs and period came as I got older. My mom says that I from an early age refused to get boobs. So I was not happy when they came, same with my period.
Im 20 years now. I know that I would not regret it if I changed my gender. But Im not sure if it is necessery to do so. My biggest problem right now are my breasts. I have ordered 2 binders. One from t-kingdom and another from underworks. I hope this will make me feel more comfertable with my body.
I think I'm a D cup. (Not sure since I wear a tight sports bra). I am a bit conserned that my boobs will get saggy if I use a binder. I feel uncomfortable when I watch them from the side. So a binder would help me alot.
Binders can get my chest smaller, but they will still be there. I haven't bathed in bikini in years. This is because I am so uncomfortable with them.
I know I would be happy as a boy. Flat cheast, beard, deeper voice. My voice right now is okay. It's not very deep, but it is a little deep. I get jealous when I talk to boys because of their voice,chest, and beard.
Right now I call myself a masculine girl. I often get mistaken for being a boy, so I can pass as a boy if I want to. I dress in mens clothes. I always have, because thats what I am comfortable with. I wish I could be happy with being a masculine girl, but I'm not sure if it is enough because those thoughts never goes away. It makes me tired because my brain is working 24/7.
I'm sorry for my english. I'm from Norway btw :)
Thanks :)
Can you picture yourself living and growing old as a woman?
Quote from: wheat thins are delicious on November 21, 2013, 03:11:36 PM
Can you picture yourself living and growing old as a woman?
That's a good question... I'm MtF and I can certainly say the opposite of this question clinched it for me. No, I could not... hadn't been able to, ever, really. But when I realized that the path to transition was actually open to me, I *could* see my self as an old woman.
While reading your story, it would seem to me that you are describing gender dysphoria, which is a major cause of people transitioning. The question then would become how much would it be worth for you to have the world see you as a man?
*hug*
No matter what, though, I would urge you to see a gender therapist... these are psychologists who have specialized skill and knowledge in helping people with gender issues. They can help you make informed decisions, help work through this issue, and help *you* decide what to do with your life. Often mine has helped me see problems in new ways, consider things from new angles, and then left it to me to decide how best to progress.
Please do consider talking to a gender therapist (or visiting your doctor and telling her or him about your situation so you can get a referral if that is how it works in your country). Help is available.
Hi, :)
Thanks for help !:)
I can see myself as a masculine person when I'm old, just me being me. But if I ask myself if I would change my gender if I were born a boy, my answer would be no. :)
I'm seeing a gender therapist in January, but I have spoken to two before. The first one told me that he saw me as a boy, the second one was very skeptic. But the first one was more professional and had more experience.
Also people who I have spoken to about this, says that it may be time for me to do something about this. They think that its bad that I haven't swimmed in years...
Remember too, you don't have to identify as 100% male or female, you could also identify anywhere in between. I don't identify as absolutely positively 100% a man, but I still think transition is right for me because I am definitely more male than female. If I placed myself on the spectrum somewhere, I'd definitely be on the male side of androgynous, and I believe transition is the right choice for me because of this, even though I don't identify perfectly as a man.
For me, I couldn't get it out of my mind. It filled my thoughts every minute of every day. I was suicidal over it. I decided to make the change and it nearly destroyed my life. But, I pulled through it and I have few regrets about making the change. Those regrets involve children who lost their daddy at a very young age. My son is now a doctor and is completely on my side. My daughter, not so much. It was a Mormon thing.
Welcome, nor-ftm!
Quote from: Cindi Jones on November 21, 2013, 08:01:07 PM
For me, I couldn't get it out of my mind. It filled my thoughts every minute of every day. I was suicidal over it. I decided to make the change and it nearly destroyed my life. But, I pulled through it and I have few regrets about making the change. Those regrets involve children who lost their daddy at a very young age. My son is now a doctor and is completely on my side. My daughter, not so much. It was a Mormon thing.
I can relate to the part where its on your mind every minute of the day. Im glad you did the change. I think it was the right thing to do :)I'm sorry about your daughter. But I hope she one thay will see that you did the right thing! :)
It's late and I probably shouldn't answer when I'm tired, but I'll give it a go.
When I imagine myself, my body, the first image that pops up isn't female. I don't have breasts or wide hips, the me I imagine is slightly taller, wide shoulders, smooth chest, bit of a beard, very clearly a man.
That is the first thing that pops up when I think 'who am I?' All my life, I've had to compensate for that. Compensate, like tell myself 'No, wait, you don't look like that' when picking out clothes, or remembering not to include myself when guys/boys are singled out for activities. (There have been a few awkward moments when I forgot, and was then teased mercilessly.)
Early each morning when I wake up, there is a sort of what?! feeling when I'm confronted with my female body, before I remember that no, I've always looked like this.
It's always been like this for me, this weird sort of cognitive dissonance between who I am; what my brain is telling me, and what the reality of my body is. I've only recently been able to start to accept the reason for that properly, but that is how I know.
Right, too tired for this.
-Alex
Hey there. I am/was in a similar situation to yours. Had issues around genitals, boobs, strong desire for surgery etc. throughout teen years. So I will say what my thought process is/was. I hope it helps.
In terms of how do you know if you are trans.. It is difficult to be objective when 'diagnosing' yourself. I will graduate as a doctor next year, but it is still hard for me. When studying psychiatry, I read the DSM-IV diagnosis guidelines, and realised that although I had 'a persistent cross gender identification', my dysphoria, although present, did not cause sufficient levels of anguish and dysfunction to qualify as GID. So it depends how you define trans.. I identify as trans but do not believe I have GID (gender identity disorder). So at this moment I feel that transitioning would be nice, but not absolutely necessary. Right now I'm not miserable/uncomfortable enough to make the societal impact of transitioning (family, career, relationships) worth it. This balance is obviously different for everyone.
I do not think gender counselors are free of bias either.. professionals learn from textbooks and what previous patients describe, and it would be fairly easy to get them to give a wrong diagnosis.. or to be convinced by them that you feel a certain way. Same with strangers on online support forums. You alone are the best judge of your feelings.
I feel going on trans forums and sites validates these feelings, as in knowing I am not alone, but for me it can make the dysphoric feelings worse. I try to limit how much I go on, otherwise I start thinking too much, and become more uncomfortable.
Have a balanced view. I know just about everyone will hate me mentioning this, but look up the experiences of de-transitioners (those who transitioned and regretted). Also there is a much hated infamous blog by has some arguments on how an individual can identify as female, while still being very male. I mostly disagree with her and think her posts are inflammatory and crude, but there are some points which honestly changed my mind on certain issues. I think it's important to read both sides of the argument especially as you are undecided at the moment.
Right now I identify my gender as 'not female'. Whether or not I'm proper 'male' though, I don't know, and I've decided it doesn't really matter for now. I use binders and a packer when dysphoria peaks, and wear male clothing all the time. I am considering low dose hormones. But I am aware that feelings can sometimes change. Just gonna take it as it comes.
Good luck in your personal journey. Don't let anyone tell you what you are.
Quote from: onerous on November 22, 2013, 08:00:41 PM
Hey there. I am/was in a similar situation to yours. Had issues around genitals, boobs, strong desire for surgery etc. throughout teen years. So I will say what my thought process is/was. I hope it helps.
In terms of how do you know if you are trans.. It is difficult to be objective when 'diagnosing' yourself. I will graduate as a doctor next year, but it is still hard for me. When studying psychiatry, I read the DSM-IV diagnosis guidelines, and realised that although I had 'a persistent cross gender identification', my dysphoria, although present, did not cause sufficient levels of anguish and dysfunction to qualify as GID. So it depends how you define trans.. I identify as trans but do not believe I have GID (gender identity disorder). So at this moment I feel that transitioning would be nice, but not absolutely necessary. Right now I'm not miserable/uncomfortable enough to make the societal impact of transitioning (family, career, relationships) worth it. This balance is obviously different for everyone.
I do not think gender counselors are free of bias either.. professionals learn from textbooks and what previous patients describe, and it would be fairly easy to get them to give a wrong diagnosis.. or to be convinced by them that you feel a certain way. Same with strangers on online support forums. You alone are the best judge of your feelings.
I feel going on trans forums and sites validates these feelings, as in knowing I am not alone, but for me it can make the dysphoric feelings worse. I try to limit how much I go on, otherwise I start thinking too much, and become more uncomfortable.
Have a balanced view. I know just about everyone will hate me mentioning this, but look up the experiences of de-transitioners (those who transitioned and regretted). Also there is a much hated infamous blog by has some arguments on how an individual can identify as female, while still being very male. I mostly disagree with her and think her posts are inflammatory and crude, but there are some points which honestly changed my mind on certain issues. I think it's important to read both sides of the argument especially as you are undecided at the moment.
Right now I identify my gender as 'not female'. Whether or not I'm proper 'male' though, I don't know, and I've decided it doesn't really matter for now. I use binders and a packer when dysphoria peaks, and wear male clothing all the time. I am considering low dose hormones. But I am aware that feelings can sometimes change. Just gonna take it as it comes.
Good luck in your personal journey. Don't let anyone tell you what you are.
Thanks. :) I will check out the people who regret their transition.
I think we are in the same situation. The thing that scares me is that it never goes away. Its always there. I feel so unconfertable when I see my self from the side because of my boobs. My face is a bit femenine as well...
But the worst part is to have boobs. And I can remove them, but why not go all the way? What will people think if I am at the beach with flat chest and they know that I am a girl.? I dont like to set label on people, but It would be nice to have one my self, because it drives me crazy. And that people think that I am trans when I tell them about my feelings can be difficult sometimes because they say that I am so convincing when I tell them, but I'm really not sure what's right for me.
I'm trying to be my self. A masculine girl, but these thoughts are so confusing. I wish I could be happy as I am, but I find it difficult. :(
Well take it slowly, there's nothing at all wrong with that. The whole idea of regret does indeed happen, but it is much rarer than the banned person on this forum would like you to think. Therapy can be helpful to resolving some of these kinds of things.
--Jay
Quote from: CursedFireDean on November 21, 2013, 07:38:13 PM
Remember too, you don't have to identify as 100% male or female, you could also identify anywhere in between. I don't identify as absolutely positively 100% a man, but I still think transition is right for me because I am definitely more male than female. If I placed myself on the spectrum somewhere, I'd definitely be on the male side of androgynous, and I believe transition is the right choice for me because of this, even though I don't identify perfectly as a man.
This is a really good answer. I also see it as a spectrum. Ever since I was a child I had an insatiable, obvious, and straight forward urge toward masculinity which is a blessing because that leaves little room for confusion. However, there's no bar set or level that makes you 'trans enough' to identify as trans. It's all about how you feel inside without the validation of others. You are what you feel!
Quote from: Chakra6 on November 25, 2013, 03:06:43 AM
This is a really good answer. I also see it as a spectrum. Ever since I was a child I had an insatiable, obvious, and straight forward urge toward masculinity which is a blessing because that leaves little room for confusion. However, there's no bar set or level that makes you 'trans enough' to identify as trans. It's all about how you feel inside without the validation of others. You are what you feel!
Thanks.
I'm not sure what I feel. I am myself, a masculine person. I know that I would not regret it if I changed my gender, but I am not sure if it is worth it, or necessary to do so.
I have similar feelings. I have worked toward changing my exterior with hormones and I want to get a mastectomy ASAP but with the medical advancements today (albeit much better than they were) I have no interest in getting SRS. Right now it's kind of like a hack-job horse doctor thing. I would almost rather have my functioning female anatomy than non-functional faux male anatomy, and I think that is a common perception among FTMs. I have found that as long as you pass as your target gender and don't have the stress of worrying about it, desires to change physically lose their allure. For instance, I want to be male and pass as male most of the time. Thus, I am not in a huge hurry to get surgeries. Back in the day when I didn't pass at all, the only thing I could think of was getting those operations because i figured I would instantly pass if I was on T or had them. Fact is, you can get any operation and take all the T in the world and still not pass if you aren't secure within yourself to start with.
you sound like me. except the idea of transitioning was introduced to me earlier as im 18, came out when i was 15, and i knew i was an FTM since i was 14.
As soon as I discovered that transition was possible, I knew it was for me. Jumped off that cliff and have never looked back. Now, I forget that I ever used to have to live as the wrong gender. I am just ME.
I knew I'd never be happy growing into an old woman, but relish the thought of growing into an old man.
Jay
Quote from: Chakra6 on November 29, 2013, 12:58:52 PM
Right now it's kind of like a hack-job horse doctor thing. I would almost rather have my functioning female anatomy than non-functional faux male anatomy, and I think that is a common perception among FTMs.
Please watch the harsh language about bottom surgeries- I know current surgical options don't appeal to everyone, but many of our brothers here have had these surgeries, and they don't need to see you hating on their bodies.
Quote from: BrotherBen on November 30, 2013, 01:50:05 PM
Please watch the harsh language about bottom surgeries- I know current surgical options don't appeal to everyone, but many of our brothers here have had these surgeries, and they don't need to see you hating on their bodies.
Agreed. I would have said something about that sooner if I had seen that in the post.