I guess I have alot on my mind, I mean having guy friends feels great, Were we can talk about guy stuff like sports damcing and girls, and all but..... I feel like a looser I mean mostly because well for one Ive never had a girlfriend and the either they have had girlfriends, Or have one, Even being a virgin I mean as a guy your looked down by all your male friends if you haven't gotten that far, Not to be a jerk it's a ego booster and right know mine is low, Everyone pretty much thinks I have had lots girlfriends and that I'm not a virgin just because its what they think, When I haven't even had a serious kiss from a girl yet and everyone expects that I have had even my friends, I get sick of being single sometimes, I'm glad that other people are happy and in their rellationships but I always question when imma get mine no matter how hard I try not to think about it, It still sucks and I still have to here about it, I still feel like I'm gonna be alone no matter how hard I try to say I won't I'm just lying to myself because I don't believe it, I really feel like a real looser because my boys don't even know, Idk Its just been on my mind and Its making me upset
Don't even sweat it homie. I've only slept with one girl, my first and only girlfriend. I was 19, now I'm 25. I'm having a crazy long dry spell, but I'm not discouraged. I've been in such a whack place mentally and the body I have I definitely don't want so getting intimate with a girl isn't something I'm looking to do right now. I'd have to stay fully clothed, so I'm just relaxing til I can finally get on T and move towards top surgery. Sex with my ex was good but I was always in my head, thinking about my parts, and this was before I even started questioning my gender. I know it's gonna be amazing when I can finally just be in the moment, so I'm being patient.
Eh
I think you're (you are) feeling what most guys feel at your age. It's totally normal to feel like you're missing out because you haven't bedded a girl. If it makes you feel any better I didn't have seriously sexual experience until I was 17. At this point I have been with quite a few women and coming from that perspective I can tell you it is absolutely not about how many, but rather the emotions. It is sooo much more satisfying when you are with someone you care about, so I my advice is to just hang tight and try to find someone who you have feelings for. And you wont be alone unless that is what you want. You are just young and your pool of sexually active people is probably a bit smaller than it will be when you get older. Just know that you are not alone, also I think having a steady girlfriend is overrated.
I don't know if it is a culture thing, but none of my friends had serious girlfriends until they were nearly 20. I didn't have one until I was 22, which is also when I lost my virginity. I have no idea when my friends lost their virginity, because here that is a private subject and you are looked down on if you share it around. Like chuck said, it is much more satisfying with someone you really care about and trust. Don't worry about it, It'll happen when it happens.
I didn't have sexual experience at your age either, and most highschool relationships don't last anyway. Relationships and sex get better as you age. I would just focus on enjoying school and don't get bogged down by living up to certain expectations.
Bear in mind, guys like to lie, especially about their sexual experience (saying more than the reality).
Guys I already know it's better with someone you love, It's still not gonna change these feelings and besides I just really want a girlfriend, But I don't think is interested in me in that way, And I can't talk to girls or let them know how I feel like a bio guy would, I just don't like being single
Dont sweat it man, i have not had a girlfriend either, and trust me even cis guys have troble chating up to girls too.
I haven't had a serious relationship until I was 26 and didn't loose my virginity until then either. Not everyone looses their virginity in high school and I wonder if some of what these guys are saying is made up to make them look cooler. Most people don't have serious relationships until their in their mid-late 20's or later, anyway.
Quote from: Darrin Scott on December 03, 2013, 01:36:27 PM
I haven't had a serious relationship until I was 26 and didn't loose my virginity until then either. Not everyone looses their virginity in high school and I wonder if some of what these guys are saying is made up to make them look cooler. Most people don't have serious relationships until their in their mid-late 20's or later, anyway.
No its just a guy thing in highschool maybe its just the African American community or because sex sells, Most guys have lost their virginity, Most girls just give it out with out a care, These kids don't care, They don't say it to lool good its because know adays its true, Most of my bio male friends have had gfs and or had sex
I can only echo what everyone else has said, because they're right, sex really isn't that important, and plenty of people don't have until they're older. When you haven't had sex it's a big deal, but when you have you begin to realise that it isn't such a big deal. I haven't seen my girlfriend for a month, and trust me, what I want first and foremost is a hug. That doesn't mean that I don't enjoy it, or have any libido because I do, only that it's not the biggest part of a relationship.
When I was your age only about a fifth, maybe less, of my year had had sex. I know several people here who haven't had sex and they're just the ones who are open about it, no one gives a flying monkey's when you get older and more mature.
Regardless, you will get laid one day, and you will get a girlfriend. Being trans doesn't mean that you're going to be a virgin and a bachelor your entire life (source: numerous people happy in their relationships on this forum).
Quote from: Brandon on December 03, 2013, 02:13:44 PM
No its just a guy thing in highschool maybe its just the African American community or because sex sells, Most guys have lost their virginity, Most girls just give it out with out a care, These kids don't care, They don't say it to lool good its because know adays its true, Most of my bio male friends have had gfs and or had sex
And that's something you want to be a part of?
Quote from: AlexanderC on December 03, 2013, 02:33:22 PM
I can only echo what everyone else has said, because they're right, sex really isn't that important, and plenty of people don't have until they're older. When you haven't had sex it's a big deal, but when you have you begin to realise that it isn't such a big deal. I haven't seen my girlfriend for a month, and trust me, what I want first and foremost is a hug. That doesn't mean that I don't enjoy it, or have any libido because I do, only that it's not the biggest part of a relationship.
When I was your age only about a fifth, maybe less, of my year had had sex. I know several people here who haven't had sex and they're just the ones who are open about it, no one gives a flying monkey's when you get older and more mature.
Regardless, you will get laid one day, and you will get a girlfriend. Being trans doesn't mean that you're going to be a virgin and a bachelor your entire life (source: numerous people happy in their relationships on this forum).
And that's something you want to be a part of?
I did't say that it's an ego thing I guess I don't know about you guys but it doesn't feel good when its low, Like today me an my boys were talking and some how ended up playing whose a virgin and whose not, Everyone one thinks I get some from girls, Again not to be a jerk it's really a ego thing and that's with all guys, And everyone thinking Ive had gfs I wish I talk to girls or say I dated so and so, Even my dad had gfs in highschool, Everyone tells me not to worry about girls or wait till your older when have the people who tell me that are in a relationship or talk to people that leaves a huge effect on me
So you're young and relationships aren't "serious," but that doesn't make them any less real. (*glares at grown-ups*) If you feel that way, the only thing to do is ask yourself is simple: how can I make some young lady's world a little brighter while it lasts? And are you really going to let your fears keep you from doing that?
Sex gets enshrined and abused way too much - you're right if you've noticed and been repulsed by that. In truth, it's nothing more than a very pleasant way to pass time with someone you love. It's not anything less either, I mean, is there anything better than being with someone you love?
I'll not repeat the whole health spiel about safety for your bodies - be gentle with her emotions and with yours. I honestly feel that bragging is beneath a true gentleman. He never tells without his lady's leave, and what you've been hearing is nothing but a bunch of dumb boys telling stories in a penis-waving contest.
You seem a lot more mature than that, caring and strong
Pursue a girl for your benefit and for hers. The rest of the world can go take a hike, m'kay?
Quote from: Brandon on December 03, 2013, 03:44:15 PM
I did't say that it's an ego thing I guess I don't know about you guys but it doesn't feel good when its low, Like today me an my boys were talking and some how ended up playing whose a virgin and whose not, Everyone one thinks I get some from girls, Again not to be a jerk it's really a ego thing and that's with all guys, And everyone thinking Ive had gfs I wish I talk to girls or say I dated so and so, Even my dad had gfs in highschool, Everyone tells me not to worry about girls or wait till your older when have the people who tell me that are in a relationship or talk to people that leaves a huge effect on me
Dude - you need to read your posts before you send them out. I feel like the frickin' Gandalf of decryption when I read your stuff.
I also completely disagree that its an ego thing with ALL guys. Yes- it's an ego thing with some guys, but not all. I do sympathize with you that it's tough to deal with. Another suggestion is to completely OWN being a virgin. When you own something (whether it's being short, bald, overweight, skinny, pooor et) it is inherently more difficult for others to poke fun at it.
Lol! I'm sorry, but the Gandalf of decryption thing was very good. Haha.
Now about the main topic here... You remind me so much of some kid I know. I hope this post doesn't offend you, I just want you to realise something ok...
This guy I know... This is pretty much all he cares about. Who has a GF, who doesn't... Whether or not HE himself has a GF... Always going on talking about sex like "I just wanna bang that girl!" talking about a different girl every couple of months... He thinks it makes him look cool... He also does drugs... Started at a young age... He thinks this makes him look or sound cool also... I can only give my opinion, but I am sure many would agree... This friend of mine is my most annoying friend, the one I dislike talking to the most, because he tries too hard, and you can tell... Very easily...
I am going to say the same thing I said to him a while ago... Sex isn't just a "LET'S HAVE SEX!" thing. A lot of girls want it to "mean" something, you'll notice. As you get older and more mature you will learn, and realise this. There are also so many things that are much more important in life. I am not sure how old you are, but you sound relatively young... I think you mentioned you were in high school... High school isn't the time to be going around having sex with a bunch of girls. You should focus on your studies, get good grades, so that you can go to university, (or college?) and not be stuck with a horrible job.
Also, what others have said is right. Guys at that age lie about stuff like that. They are most likely not telling the complete truth.
Quote from: chuck on December 03, 2013, 04:11:08 PM
Dude - you need to read your posts before you send them out. I feel like the frickin' Gandalf of decryption when I read your stuff.
I also completely disagree that its an ego thing with ALL guys. Yes- it's an ego thing with some guys, but not all. I do sympathize with you that it's tough to deal with. Another suggestion is to completely OWN being a virgin. When you own something (whether it's being short, bald, overweight, skinny, pooor et) it is inherently more difficult for others to poke fun at it.
Uh I am on my phone
Quote from: randomdude5 on December 03, 2013, 04:28:58 PM
Lol! I'm sorry, but the Gandalf of decryption thing was very good. Haha.
Now about the main topic here... You remind me so much of some kid I know. I hope this post doesn't offend you, I just want you to realise something ok...
This guy I know... This is pretty much all he cares about. Who has a GF, who doesn't... Whether or not HE himself has a GF... Always going on talking about sex like "I just wanna bang that girl!" talking about a different girl every couple of months... He thinks it makes him look cool... He also does drugs... Started at a young age... He thinks this makes him look or sound cool also... I can only give my opinion, but I am sure many would agree... This friend of mine is my most annoying friend, the one I dislike talking to the most, because he tries too hard, and you can tell... Very easily...
I am going to say the same thing I said to him a while ago... Sex isn't just a "LET'S HAVE SEX!" thing. A lot of girls want it to "mean" something, you'll notice. As you get older and more mature you will learn, and realise this. There are also so many things that are much more important in life. I am not sure how old you are, but you sound relatively young... I think you mentioned you were in high school... High school isn't the time to be going around having sex with a bunch of girls. You should focus on your studies, get good grades, so that you can go to university, (or college?) and not be stuck with a horrible job.
Also, what others have said is right. Guys at that age lie about stuff like that. They are most likely not telling the complete truth.
Dude first I'm about to graduate soon, And I'm not a little man hoe, I am a gentlemen and I already know everything you just said, I'm not dumb I know what women want I know it's best to do it with someone you love, Just because I'm in highschool doesn't mean its not gonna bother me I mean come on lets get serious I haven't even had a serious kiss from a girl, Who wouldn't feel pressured to do any of tha when that's really all kids talk about know adays I can't just stop being upset with this, honestly I'm sick of people using my age and being in highschool as an excuse o not date or have sex I'm more mature than you think, And no I wouldn't go around telling everyone that I scored I'm not like that I know how to treat women Bro
Brandon, I'm almost 19 and I've never had a girlfriend or proper boyfriend for that matter. I have never kissed anybody ever. Yes it sucks and I understand what it can do to your self esteem. Being a virgin isn't all bad. I'd rather be a virgin than hand myself out on a plate.
Quote from: musicofthenight on December 03, 2013, 04:06:02 PM
So you're young and relationships aren't "serious," but that doesn't make them any less real. (*glares at grown-ups*) If you feel that way, the only thing to do is ask yourself is simple: how can I make some young lady's world a little brighter while it lasts? And are you really going to let your fears keep you from doing that?
Sex gets enshrined and abused way too much - you're right if you've noticed and been repulsed by that. In truth, it's nothing more than a very pleasant way to pass time with someone you love. It's not anything less either, I mean, is there anything better than being with someone you love?
I'll not repeat the whole health spiel about safety for your bodies - be gentle with her emotions and with yours. I honestly feel that bragging is beneath a true gentleman. He never tells without his lady's leave, and what you've been hearing is nothing but a bunch of dumb boys telling stories in a penis-waving contest.
You seem a lot more mature than that, caring and strong
Pursue a girl for your benefit and for hers. The rest of the world can go take a hike, m'kay?
Im not saying It's impossible it's just harder, She first has to see me as Brandon male
You did not totally get what I was saying. I did not call you a man hoe. I said my friend kind of was one. Yes I said you reminded me of him because it kind of started like that. Peer pressure. Now he has turned like that. I wouldn't want you to go down the same road. I also did not say don't have sex because you are in high school. I si.ply said that should defi itely not be a main priority for you right now. On the maturity thing though... Most young people think they are more mature than they actually are. Not saying you are imature... But there is a certain maturity that comes from age and experience... That last part would actually probably be good advice for myself as well. Haha..
I am sorry if my last post got you a little worked up as it seems it might have..
How many of your friends do you think are being 100% honest about everything they've done? I'd say they aren't telling the whole truth and are probably embellishing what really happened with those girls.
Quote from: wheat thins are delicious on December 03, 2013, 07:28:35 PM
How many of your friends do you think are being 100% honest about everything they've done? I'd say they aren't telling the whole truth and are probably embellishing what really happened with those girls.
You really don't know how these girls act know adays do you, They give it out quicker than quick, I believe some of them yes, That aint the point the point is peer pressure, When you have male friends thats what happens
If these girls are really giving out sex without a care then what's the point of wanting to have sex with them so badly? Who would
want something that every other guy in your high school has already had multiple times?
If they make fun of you for being a virgin remind them that they're the ones who should be made fun of. Do you know how badly guys get made fun of when they have to resort to paying for prostitutes? Well think of it this way; the guys in your school are even more pathetic than that because one, they can't afford prostitutes, and two, the girls they're having sex with are so cheap that they wouldn't even want payment anyway. If they insult you and you want to get on their level and return the insult, tell them that.
Really though, the best thing to do is act like the gentleman you say you are. A real gentleman respects himself and the woman he's with, he wouldn't touch a stupid little high school girl who just gives herself over to everyone. Wait until you find a real woman. A real woman won't have sex with just any guy, she'll have self respect and know that she's too good for just anyone which means that if you're the guy she chooses to give herself to, she'll love and respect you too.
I always thought I would be single for the rest of my life too until I met my girlfriend. She's a real woman who loves and respects me as much as I love and respect her. We have an amazing, powerful relationship not to mention a phenomenal sex life.
Just wait for the right woman, it's worth it, and don't worry about all the losers in your high school. Chances are you'll never see them again after you graduate anyway.
I remember one time hearing a guy that couldn't have been older than 14 or 15 going "yeah man you think I can't get 20 year old b*s? They love me man!" I laughed my ass off. A lot of it is big talk. It's hard to see when you're that age, but when you're older and you hear this stuff, it's just stupid sounding because you know it's probably not true.
Quote from: Contravene on December 03, 2013, 09:10:47 PM
If these girls are really giving out sex without a care then what's the point of wanting to have sex with them so badly? Who would
want something that every other guy in your high school has already had multiple times?
If they make fun of you for being a virgin remind them that they're the ones who should be made fun of. Do you know how badly guys get made fun of when they have to resort to paying for prostitutes? Well think of it this way; the guys in your school are even more pathetic than that because one, they can't afford prostitutes, and two, the girls they're having sex with are so cheap that they wouldn't even want payment anyway. If they insult you and you want to get on their level and return the insult, tell them that.
Really though, the best thing to do is act like the gentleman you say you are. A real gentleman respects himself and the woman he's with, he wouldn't touch a stupid little high school girl who just gives herself over to everyone. Wait until you find a real woman. A real woman won't have sex with just any guy, she'll have self respect and know that she's too good for just anyone which means that if you're the guy she chooses to give herself to, she'll love and respect you too.
I always thought I would be single for the rest of my life too until I met my girlfriend. She's a real woman who loves and respects me as much as I love and respect her. We have an amazing, powerful relationship not to mention a phenomenal sex life.
Just wait for the right woman, it's worth it, and don't worry about all the losers in your high school. Chances are you'll never see them again after you graduate anyway.
Well because I have a dance crew and it was one of the guys, We I mean he didn't laugh or nothing but we always have these conversations and the fact that they have had girlfriends or as of know one of them does, It just sucks to me
Quote from: caleb. on December 03, 2013, 10:10:12 PM
I remember one time hearing a guy that couldn't have been older than 14 or 15 going "yeah man you think I can't get 20 year old b*s? They love me man!" I laughed my ass off. A lot of it is big talk. It's hard to see when you're that age, but when you're older and you hear this stuff, it's just stupid sounding because you know it's probably not true.
No I may be young but I see it, But again most of these guys are having sex young people period are getting into it, not saying I agree with but that's just it
It's natural to be upset and worried about it man. When I was your age, it did seem like everyone was getting around, and I was stuck with the lesbians who turned out to be straight girls. >:( And, like you're saying, guy friends liked to talk about everyone who've they gotten around with, but so do the girls (in fact, I think they're even worse), and like others have said, most of it's quite embellished. There definitely are people who do have sex (I just had a client at the clinic I work at who got his 14 year old girlfriend pregnant when he was 13! :o Crazypants! And one of my sisters got pregnant at 16) but most of it's probably more likely just stuff like BJs than a lot of intercourse going on all over the place. It's fine to still feel left out and worried, but just remember that most of the girls and guys probably feel the same.
If you're worried about not having much experience, just try to remember that a lot of people aren't entirely confident in themselves, even at older ages. Once you get to college and beyond, you'll probably start to feel more confident in yourself in general and you'll likely have some girls who are interested. You'll probably find a lot of girls later in life who you're interested in aren't any more experienced than you are. :)
Quote from: Brandon on December 03, 2013, 08:35:12 PM
You really don't know how these girls act know adays do you, They give it out quicker than quick,
Girls and guys have been easy as they are today for a really long time, you'll probably be surprised by some of the stuff people your Grandmother's age have done. ;)
Quote from: Brandon on December 03, 2013, 08:35:12 PM
You really don't know how these girls act know adays do you, They give it out quicker than quick, I believe some of them yes, That aint the point the point is peer pressure, When you have male friends thats what happens
Again, how do you know these girls are "giving it out to everyone". Anyone can say "yeah so and so did whatever with me", and then a rumor spreads about that girl or girls, that doesn't necessarily make it true nor does it mean all girls are like that, nor that all guys are like that.
Quote from: LearnedHand on December 03, 2013, 11:28:12 PM
Girls and guys have been easy as they are today for a really long time, you'll probably be surprised by some of the stuff people your Grandmother's age have done. ;)
what LearnedHand says is true.
Quote from: wheat thins are delicious on December 03, 2013, 11:55:50 PM
Again, how do you know these girls are "giving it out to everyone". Anyone can say "yeah so and so did whatever with me", and then a rumor spreads about that girl or girls, that doesn't necessarily make it true nor does it mean all girls are like that, nor that all guys are like that.
what LearnedHand says is true.
Trust me I know my school I'm not dumb by far, If you came to my homecoming dance you would have been shocked at what was happening, You must not know the world we live in today
Quote from: LearnedHand on December 03, 2013, 11:28:12 PM
It's natural to be upset and worried about it man. When I was your age, it did seem like everyone was getting around, and I was stuck with the lesbians who turned out to be straight girls. >:( And, like you're saying, guy friends liked to talk about everyone who've they gotten around with, but so do the girls (in fact, I think they're even worse), and like others have said, most of it's quite embellished. There definitely are people who do have sex (I just had a client at the clinic I work at who got his 14 year old girlfriend pregnant when he was 13! :o Crazypants! And one of my sisters got pregnant at 16) but most of it's probably more likely just stuff like BJs than a lot of intercourse going on all over the place. It's fine to still feel left out and worried, but just remember that most of the girls and guys probably feel the same.
If you're worried about not having much experience, just try to remember that a lot of people aren't entirely confident in themselves, even at older ages. Once you get to college and beyond, you'll probably start to feel more confident in yourself in general and you'll likely have some girls who are interested. You'll probably find a lot of girls later in life who you're interested in aren't any more experienced than you are. :)
Girls and guys have been easy as they are today for a really long time, you'll probably be surprised by some of the stuff people your Grandmother's age have done. ;)
Yea but girls get called hoes so the have to keep that on the DL they can't talk about that stuff when your a dude its seen as cool, I'm worried about the experience thing, Its just tge fact that I hate being single, And I don't wanna have to wait till I'm older to have had a gf
Quote from: Brandon on December 03, 2013, 05:09:10 PM
Uh I am on my phone
Yes, I know. You are clearly very proud of your phone. As far as I can tell, most phones have the capability to edit texts before they are sent.
I know you are young and I think we can all sympathize with that, and I did see that you made a post where you said things like "good point" so I want to be clear that you are progressing in your maturity. Credit where credit is due and all that.
I will also commend the fact that you labelled this post for what it is - a "rant".
I think your response to me is indicative of your general demeanor. Rejecting helpful advice and then blaming it on something else.
May I ask you what exactly you expect to get from this community? I am genuinely interested in how any of us can help you.
Quote from: chuck on December 04, 2013, 07:28:26 AM
Yes, I know. You are clearly very proud of your phone. As far as I can tell, most phones have the capability to edit texts before they are sent.
I know you are young and I think we can all sympathize with that, and I did see that you made a post where you said things like "good point" so I want to be clear that you are progressing in your maturity. Credit where credit is due and all that.
I will also commend the fact that you labelled this post for what it is - a "rant".
I think your response to me is indicative of your general demeanor. Rejecting helpful advice and then blaming it on something else.
May I ask you what exactly you expect to get from this community? I am genuinely interested in how any of us can help you.
I really only use the editor when I'm texting, My auto correct is quite stupid but that's another story, What expect to get is support, But it goes with everything not to get off topic
Quote from: Brandon on December 04, 2013, 07:43:57 AM
I really only use the editor when I'm texting, My auto correct is quite stupid but that's another story, What expect to get is support, But it goes with everything not to get off topic
Okay. Thanks for answering. Can you be more specific with your statement? "to get support" What does that mean to you? While we may be off topic, I think its really important that we know how to help each other.
Quote from: Brandon on December 04, 2013, 06:57:10 AM
Yea but girls get called hoes so the have to keep that on the DL they can't talk about that stuff when your a dude its seen as cool, I'm worried about the experience thing, Its just tge fact that I hate being single, And I don't wanna have to wait till I'm older to have had a gf
Who said you had to wait? I don't understand what is holding you back. Is it personal because you are shy, or is it the fact that you are not a cis-male? Because really even though not being a "cis-male" is frustrating, depressing and loathsome at some times in all honesty you're the one holding yourself back. And I don't mean that in a harsh way. I know all about insecurities, dysphoria, depression, anxiety that no one will ever except you for who you are, never being able to have a "normal" relationship and the whole nine yards. I know you think that none of us really know what we are talking about or that you can't believe that what we say is going to happen and that we aren't in the same boat as you. But the simple fact is that we are. And the sooner you realize that we are all trying in earnest too help you out and give you the support you need at this time in your life.
I KNOW for a fact that no person has all the answers but, there are a lot of people on this site who have been through the same situations that you have been in. The sad reality is that you are not unique in the struggles you face as young male and as a young transmale and I am happy that you took the route of trying to find support then live it alone. I realize that maybe our suggestions aren't going to always be the right answers or right for you but, you have to realize that, that's just what they are suggestions and advice. They are not laws and we are not telling you how to live your life but
you came here to get help/support so remember that please before you get defensive on us.
Now back to your OP. I went to high school I graduated in 2008 which is not that long ago. There where thousands of kids at my school and while yes some of them were having sex I can guarantee you that they were not the majority. In studies across the board ( quick google) the general statistics for males and females who are sexually active in high school at 1/3 the population. Meaning out of 6 of your friends maybe 2-3 of them are sexually active. You said "as a guy you are looked down on" but if they already think you have had sex, or had girls then let them think that. In all it is not really their business unless you want to make it their business. As for a girlfriend, those are one of the things you just cant force, cic-male or not. Not every one is going to accept you, even though it is crappy it's life and not just a trans thing but there will be people who do love and accept you no matter what. You think a woman won't love you because you don't have the right "stuff" down below but is that what she really falls in love with? If someone really loves you then sex wont be the determining factor. I mean heck my girlfriend and I didn't even kiss for the first time until about a month after we started dating and didn't go passed that for a while.
I know it is hard man, we all know it's hard but the only one who can do anything to change it is you!
Quote from: chuck on December 04, 2013, 09:08:38 AM
If you feel your efforts here are wasted, you're welcome to find a different thread. I don't feel that what I have to say is going unheard.
There's an awful lot of focus on statistics. I think that misses the point: this is all about Brandon. And maybe someone else.
Do you have a particular someone in mind? What is she like?
Quote from: musicofthenight on December 04, 2013, 03:29:14 PM
If you feel your efforts here are wasted, you're welcome to find a different thread. I don't feel that what I have to say is going unheard.
There's an awful lot of focus on statistics. I think that misses the point: this is all about Brandon. And maybe someone else.
Do you have a particular someone in mind? What is she like?
Yea I do but I havent really sat down with her and discussed me being trans, she met me at a talent show she thinks I'm a girl, But that's how she sees me as of know but we havent hung out or anything for her to see the real me, She knows that I feel male but Ive got a chance to explain to her that I am male, And I tried to explain it through text, But I realize I need to tell her in person, She felt weird about the pronouns which I'm not mad at her it's not easy to get anyways it's complicated so I'm not knocking her for it, I want to hang out with her and explain things she is really nice though she's the sweetest girl I know and she's really beautiful inside and out and I wish I could tell her that I'm attracted to but I won't do that till she fully understands me because she is straight, I just wish I could talk to her like any other guy without the awkwardness, So since winter break is coming up I was gonna ask her to do something maybe and sit down and tell her face to face so she can get a better I dea, But she is an understanding person
Quote from: chuck on December 04, 2013, 09:08:38 AM
Okay. Thanks for answering. Can you be more specific with your statement? "to get support" What does that mean to you? While we may be off topic, I think its really important that we know how to help each other.
I share Chuck's concern. I see Brandon's posts and I know that he raises a question and then sets out to knock down every single suggestion that he gets and then eventually the threads get locked. I have never seen him say "gee, I never thought of that, that's something I could try". Instead he sometimes seems to get angry with the suggestions that people might offer. Seems an odd way to get support.
I certainly hope that the kids will not think we are so out of touch and get on birth control, know their status, and use condoms. I taught middle school and am pretty aware of the rate of sexual intercourse among middle school and high school kids. States trying to handle thing by urging for abstinence are totally in the dark.
--Jay
Quote from: aleon515 on December 04, 2013, 09:08:55 PM
I share Chuck's concern. I see Brandon's posts and I know that he raises a question and then sets out to knock down every single suggestion that he gets and then eventually the threads get locked. I have never seen him say "gee, I never thought of that, that's something I could try". Instead he sometimes seems to get angry with the suggestions that people might offer. Seems an odd way to get support.
I certainly hope that the kids will not think we are so out of touch and get on birth control, know their status, and use condoms. I taught middle school and am pretty aware of the rate of sexual intercourse among middle school and high school kids. States trying to handle thing by urging for abstinence are totally in the dark.
--Jay
No not everything you say works for me, I have to find my own ways to deal with things that work for me
Quote from: Orange Creamsicle on December 04, 2013, 11:51:16 PM
One day Brandon, I think you'll look back at all the threads you've made and get what people are saying to you. I really think you are missing the point.
Well they say wisdom comes with age. (I'm hoping this might be true.)
--Jay
Quote from: Orange Creamsicle on December 04, 2013, 11:51:16 PM
One day Brandon, I think you'll look back at all the threads you've made and get what people are saying to you. I really think you are missing the point.
No I get the point, I have to find my own ways you seem to not get that, And I'm not dumb...., just because I'm young means absolutely nothing, maybe you should realize that. That's completely off topic
Quote from: Brandon on December 05, 2013, 05:05:34 PM
No I get the point, I have to find my own ways you seem to not get that, And I'm not dumb...., just because I'm young means absolutely nothing, maybe you should realize that. That's completely off topic
I don't see you getting the point Brandon, we're trying to suggest things for you so that you don't have to think of them yourself. Certainly, not everything we say will work for you and we don't expect it to, but you put down every suggestion. You have to find your own ways because you're not listening. The point of support boards like this is so you don't have to do things by yourself.
Quote from: CursedFireDean on December 05, 2013, 05:37:55 PM
I don't see you getting the point Brandon, we're trying to suggest things for you so that you don't have to think of them yourself. Certainly, not everything we say will work for you and we don't expect it to, but you put down every suggestion. You have to find your own ways because you're not listening. The point of support boards like this is so you don't have to do things by yourself.
Yea I am, And yes I am listening, I didn't put down anything you don know how my family works at all, And yea its a forumthe only thing you can do is support, Yaw keep getting off topic
Quote from: Brandon on December 06, 2013, 06:49:54 AM
Yea I am, And yes I am listening, I didn't put down anything you don know how my family works at all, And yea its a forumthe only thing you can do is support, Yaw keep getting off topic
I would like to repeat my earlier question. What does "support" mean to you, Brandon? If we knew specifically how to help, I think we would all try. Not because youre special, but because that's why we are all here. No matter how bratty, rude, disrespectful, arrogant or entitled a person behaves, most of us want to help this journey be just a little less soul destroying. Frankly, as a guy who is 100 percent finished asking trans related question, the only reason I am on this forum is to offer advice. So I would like to know what it is you need or expect. Be specific. Take your time. Cite examples.
Quote from: chuck on December 06, 2013, 07:03:37 AM
I would like to repeat my earlier question. What does "support" mean to you, Brandon? If we knew specifically how to help, I think we would all try. Not because youre special, but because that's why we are all here. No matter how bratty, rude, disrespectful, arrogant or entitled a person behaves, most of us want to help this journey be just a little less soul destroying. Frankly, as a guy who is 100 percent finished asking trans related question, the only reason I am on this forum is to offer advice. So I would like to know what it is you need or expect. Be specific. Take your time. Cite examples.
That's just it give advice don't get mad when It doesn't work and wine about me not listening I listen to everyone and it's quite annoying considering no one cares about what Brandon has to say and I'm speaking in general, I can't express myself at all in my house, And again quit getting off topic
Quote from: Orange Creamsicle on December 06, 2013, 08:17:11 PM
I don't think you want advice. You want a miracle. Unfortunately none of us can give you that. And you happen to come across as very rude when responding to others advice. Everyone here wants to help you. But when we can't and get the kind of response you give, it really makes people think twice about giving you advice again. At least that's how I see it. Oh and can you please leave out the replies telling people to stay on topic, you are not a moderator, if you feel someone's post is inappropriate, probably best to report it.
I'm not being rude at all, Because I can't use the advice you give medoesn't work, doesn't mean get mad at me and call me rude, you guys are getting off topic, You guys are always point fingers and is the first to call me rude and that I don't listen, You don't know my family theirfore I can' do all of what you tell you don't leave with me to know this, And this was a rant I wasn't really asking for advice it was optional
Quote from: Orange Creamsicle on December 06, 2013, 08:38:49 PM
People's advice doesn't have to work for you in order for you to show appreciation for it.
Did I ever say I didn't appreciate the advice you guys give? I don't think I did, I might have said it doesn't work or won't work but I never said I did not appreciate it
Quote from: Brandon on December 06, 2013, 06:49:54 AM
Yea I am, And yes I am listening, I didn't put down anything you don know how my family works at all, And yea its a forumthe only thing you can do is support, Yaw keep getting off topic
We don't know your specific family no but we all have families of our own to some extent. Some of us know what it is to not be accepted, to not be taken seriously, to be told we are wrong and going against God and much more.
My father down right disowned me and told me I wasn't welcome at his wedding. I haven't spoken to him in years. My cousin is MTF and they do nothing but ridicule her and laugh at her. I haven't seen my family including my mom, my brother, my one year old baby sister, my grandparents, aunts or uncles in years all because I am trans. So don't for a second think that none of us know what it's like.
While I see everyone's concern I think after awhile we get to the point where everyone else isn't getting it. If there's a history of someone not responding the way you'd like them to (sorry my comma key is broken) there's no reason for them to suddenly change.
Brandon's stated before that he feels ganged up on and above he said he felt like no one listens to him. Whether you think that's true or not doesn't matter because thats how he feels. Seeing the way a lot of people here respond once they start feeling exasperated I know I'd probably feel the same way if I were him.
Brandon's been here for a few months now we should know hes not going to sudddnly drop down and say what great ad ice we give.
If you want to support him it'd be more supportive if people didn't keep getting in his face about something we all expect now.
I like two way streets, though. Just saying.
Quote from: thatboyfresh on December 07, 2013, 01:25:58 AM
We don't know your specific family no but we all have families of our own to some extent. Some of us know what it is to not be accepted, to not be taken seriously, to be told we are wrong and going against God and much more.
My father down right disowned me and told me I wasn't welcome at his wedding. I haven't spoken to him in years. My cousin is MTF and they do nothing but ridicule her and laugh at her. I haven't seen my family including my mom, my brother, my one year old baby sister, my grandparents, aunts or uncles in years all because I am trans. So don't for a second think that none of us know what it's like.
I didn't say everyone doesn't know what's like but when it comes to family and stufff, If you have support your not really gonna understand people who don't, Not everyone here has religious families or has been their, But this isn't what this topic was about anyways, Some people here got off topic
Quote from: Brandon on December 06, 2013, 08:09:03 PM
That's just it give advice don't get mad when It doesn't work and wine about me not listening I listen to everyone and it's quite annoying considering no one cares about what Brandon has to say and I'm speaking in general, I can't express myself at all in my house, And again quit getting off topic
Cool. So you want advice. Well no problem there. That's why I am here. My personal opinion of you doesn't really come into play as far as giving advice. So for me, I will continue to give you the best advice I can and ignore your attitude. I totally get where you are coming from, because I had a really bad attitude when I was younger. I was constantly defensive and rude because I took everything personally. I don't think that anything other than time and getting out into the real world made me grow up and understand how to treat others. You'll get it at some point. For me the major realization was this "if I am nice to others, they are nice to me" That is usually true, and when I realized it, it changed my life. Also, I wonder if its a part of being trans, sometimes we think that being a jerk makes us a man. Not so true. If you pay close attention to the way men interact, they may not be warm towards one another, but they are also not aggressive or rude from the start. Women (call me sexist if you want) seem to be more aggressive or catty with one another when they first meet.
Any way bottom line - youre attitude is less than stellar. Instead of getting defensive, (and I know this hard) consider that maybe you have some work to do with your behavior. No it's not going to be easy, but part of being a man is recognizing when it's time to change and recognizing when other people are right. Think about this Brandon, why am I taking the time to write this response? Because I want to see your life get easier. People will stop "ganging up" on you if you reconsider your behavior. People who use drugs might feel angry and ganged up on when people who love them try to get them to stop using. Does this mean the ganging up is wrong? Nope. Even when somebody does something unjust to you, you have to learn to handle it like a gentleman. For example, see that little -1 under my user name? Remember how you gave me a negative rep point because I told you to gain weight if you want to play football? What did I do in return? Did I whine that you ganged up on me? Nah. It's your right to overreact to advice and for me to whine about getting negative rep points (like you did) would be immature and pointless.
I will continue to offer advice to you despite your crappy attitude. Why? Because someday you will grow up and the advice I give you will come in handy and hopefully your life will be a little easier than mine was. Not that you deserve it, but more that no one deserves to go through what I did.
Quote from: chuck on December 07, 2013, 10:30:20 AM
Cool. So you want advice. Well no problem there. That's why I am here. My personal opinion of you doesn't really come into play as far as giving advice. So for me, I will continue to give you the best advice I can and ignore your attitude. I totally get where you are coming from, because I had a really bad attitude when I was younger. I was constantly defensive and rude because I took everything personally. I don't think that anything other than time and getting out into the real world made me grow up and understand how to treat others. You'll get it at some point. For me the major realization was this "if I am nice to others, they are nice to me" That is usually true, and when I realized it, it changed my life. Also, I wonder if its a part of being trans, sometimes we think that being a jerk makes us a man. Not so true. If you pay close attention to the way men interact, they may not be warm towards one another, but they are also not aggressive or rude from the start. Women (call me sexist if you want) seem to be more aggressive or catty with one another when they first meet.
Any way bottom line - youre attitude is less than stellar. Instead of getting defensive, (and I know this hard) consider that maybe you have some work to do with your behavior. No it's not going to be easy, but part of being a man is recognizing when it's time to change and recognizing when other people are right. Think about this Brandon, why am I taking the time to write this response? Because I want to see your life get easier. People will stop "ganging up" on you if you reconsider your behavior. People who use drugs might feel angry and ganged up on when people who love them try to get them to stop using. Does this mean the ganging up is wrong? Nope. Even when somebody does something unjust to you, you have to learn to handle it like a gentleman. For example, see that little -1 under my user name? Remember how you gave me a negative rep point because I told you to gain weight if you want to play football? What did I do in return? Did I whine that you ganged up on me? Nah. It's your right to overreact to advice and for me to whine about getting negative rep points (like you did) would be immature and pointless.
I will continue to offer advice to you despite your crappy attitude. Why? Because someday you will grow up and the advice I give you will come in handy and hopefully your life will be a little easier than mine was. Not that you deserve it, but more that no one deserves to go through what I did.
I don't have a bad attitude, And no it's not good to gang up on people because your really just pushing them away, Well Idk about the treat others how you want to be treated I treat people with respect all the time and still get treated like ->-bleeped-<- but its ok though, And you guys seem to forget this is the internet and that this is a forum where it might just seem like people coming off wrong, And no you don't need to gain weight to play football you should have said bulk up
Quote from: Brandon on December 07, 2013, 10:42:05 AM
I don't have a bad attitude, And no it's not good to gang up on people because your really just pushing them away, Well Idk about the treat others how you want to be treated I treat people with respect all the time and still get treated like ->-bleeped-<- but its ok though, And you guys seem to forget this is the internet and that this is a forum where it might just seem like people coming off wrong, And no you don't need to gain weight to play football you should have said bulk up
Is this real life?
Quote from: chuck on December 07, 2013, 10:56:27 AM
Is this real life?
What do you mean and why do we keep going on about this I asked a question on the third page and this is where it leads to and it never got answered because theirs always one person who feels upset because they feel like I'm not listening when again this was a rant it was optional unless I asked a question
Brandon be trolling, this is the internet, go find somewhere else if you are going to continue to act like you currently are. Chuck is 100% right.
Quote from: Alexthecat on December 07, 2013, 11:24:41 AM
Brandon be trolling, this is the internet, go find somewhere else if you are going to continue to act like you currently are. Chuck is 100% right.
Yea..... ok bro your I'm not a troll how about you leave me alone gosh
Brandon don't listen to him. You're welcome on the board. :)
This has become really disappointing. How about everyone take a breather?
Quote from: Jamie D on December 07, 2013, 12:17:04 PM
This has become really disappointing. How about everyone take a breather?
Sorry about that
Quote from: LearnedHand on December 07, 2013, 12:15:36 PM
Brandon don't listen to him. You're welcome on the board. :)
I know
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