Guy friends, Expectations ect.... Rant

[Brandon]

How many of your friends do you think are being 100% honest about everything they've done?  I'd say they aren't telling the whole truth and are probably embellishing what really happened with those girls.

You really don't know how these girls act know adays do you, They give it out quicker than quick, I believe some of them yes, That aint the point the point is peer pressure, When you have male friends thats what happens

[Contravene]

If these girls are really giving out sex without a care then what's the point of wanting to have sex with them so badly? Who would
want something that every other guy in your high school has already had multiple times?

If they make fun of you for being a virgin remind them that they're the ones who should be made fun of. Do you know how badly guys get made fun of when they have to resort to paying for prostitutes? Well think of it this way; the guys in your school are even more pathetic than that because one, they can't afford prostitutes, and two, the girls they're having sex with are so cheap that they wouldn't even want payment anyway. If they insult you and you want to get on their level and return the insult, tell them that.


Really though, the best thing to do is act like the gentleman you say you are. A real gentleman respects himself and the woman he's with, he wouldn't touch a stupid little high school girl who just gives herself over to everyone. Wait until you find a real woman. A real woman won't have sex with just any guy, she'll have self respect and know that she's too good for just anyone which means that if you're the guy she chooses to give herself to, she'll love and respect you too.

I always thought I would be single for the rest of my life too until I met my girlfriend. She's a real woman who loves and respects me as much as I love and respect her. We have an amazing, powerful relationship not to mention a phenomenal sex life.

Just wait for the right woman, it's worth it, and don't worry about all the losers in your high school. Chances are you'll never see them again after you graduate anyway.

[Adam (birkin)]

I remember one time hearing a guy that couldn't have been older than 14 or 15 going "yeah man you think I can't get 20 year old b*s? They love me man!" I laughed my ass off. A lot of it is big talk. It's hard to see when you're that age, but when you're older and you hear this stuff, it's just stupid sounding because you know it's probably not true.

[Brandon]

If these girls are really giving out sex without a care then what's the point of wanting to have sex with them so badly? Who would
want something that every other guy in your high school has already had multiple times?

If they make fun of you for being a virgin remind them that they're the ones who should be made fun of. Do you know how badly guys get made fun of when they have to resort to paying for prostitutes? Well think of it this way; the guys in your school are even more pathetic than that because one, they can't afford prostitutes, and two, the girls they're having sex with are so cheap that they wouldn't even want payment anyway. If they insult you and you want to get on their level and return the insult, tell them that.



Really though, the best thing to do is act like the gentleman you say you are. A real gentleman respects himself and the woman he's with, he wouldn't touch a stupid little high school girl who just gives herself over to everyone. Wait until you find a real woman. A real woman won't have sex with just any guy, she'll have self respect and know that she's too good for just anyone which means that if you're the guy she chooses to give herself to, she'll love and respect you too.

I always thought I would be single for the rest of my life too until I met my girlfriend. She's a real woman who loves and respects me as much as I love and respect her. We have an amazing, powerful relationship not to mention a phenomenal sex life.

Just wait for the right woman, it's worth it, and don't worry about all the losers in your high school. Chances are you'll never see them again after you graduate anyway.

Well because I have a dance crew and it was one of the guys, We I mean he didn't laugh or nothing but we always have these conversations and the fact that they have had girlfriends or as of know one of them does, It just sucks to me

[Brandon]

I remember one time hearing a guy that couldn't have been older than 14 or 15 going "yeah man you think I can't get 20 year old b*s? They love me man!" I laughed my ass off. A lot of it is big talk. It's hard to see when you're that age, but when you're older and you hear this stuff, it's just stupid sounding because you know it's probably not true.

No I may be young but I see it, But again most of these guys are having sex young people period are getting into it, not saying I agree with but that's just it

[DriftingCrow]

It's natural to be upset and worried about it man. When I was your age, it did seem like everyone was getting around, and I was stuck with the lesbians who turned out to be straight girls.  And, like you're saying, guy friends liked to talk about everyone who've they gotten around with, but so do the girls (in fact, I think they're even worse), and like others have said, most of it's quite embellished. There definitely are people who do have sex (I just had a client at the clinic I work at who got his 14 year old girlfriend pregnant when he was 13!  Crazypants! And one of my sisters got pregnant at 16) but most of it's probably more likely just stuff like BJs than a lot of intercourse going on all over the place. It's fine to still feel left out and worried, but just remember that most of the girls and guys probably feel the same.

If you're worried about not having much experience, just try to remember that a lot of people aren't entirely confident in themselves, even at older ages. Once you get to college and beyond, you'll probably start to feel more confident in yourself in general and you'll likely have some girls who are interested. You'll probably find a lot of girls later in life who you're interested in aren't any more experienced than you are.

You really don't know how these girls act know adays do you, They give it out quicker than quick,

Girls and guys have been easy as they are today for a really long time, you'll probably be surprised by some of the stuff people your Grandmother's age have done. 

[wheat thins are delicious]

You really don't know how these girls act know adays do you, They give it out quicker than quick, I believe some of them yes, That aint the point the point is peer pressure, When you have male friends thats what happens

Again, how do you know these girls are "giving it out to everyone".  Anyone can say "yeah so and so did whatever with me", and then a rumor spreads about that girl or girls, that doesn't necessarily make it true nor does it mean all girls are like that, nor that all guys are like that. 

Girls and guys have been easy as they are today for a really long time, you'll probably be surprised by some of the stuff people your Grandmother's age have done. 

what LearnedHand says is true.

[Brandon]

Again, how do you know these girls are "giving it out to everyone".  Anyone can say "yeah so and so did whatever with me", and then a rumor spreads about that girl or girls, that doesn't necessarily make it true nor does it mean all girls are like that, nor that all guys are like that. 

what LearnedHand says is true.

Trust me I know my school I'm not dumb by far, If you came to my homecoming dance you would have been shocked at what was happening, You must not know the world we live in today

[Brandon]

It's natural to be upset and worried about it man. When I was your age, it did seem like everyone was getting around, and I was stuck with the lesbians who turned out to be straight girls.  And, like you're saying, guy friends liked to talk about everyone who've they gotten around with, but so do the girls (in fact, I think they're even worse), and like others have said, most of it's quite embellished. There definitely are people who do have sex (I just had a client at the clinic I work at who got his 14 year old girlfriend pregnant when he was 13!  Crazypants! And one of my sisters got pregnant at 16) but most of it's probably more likely just stuff like BJs than a lot of intercourse going on all over the place. It's fine to still feel left out and worried, but just remember that most of the girls and guys probably feel the same.

If you're worried about not having much experience, just try to remember that a lot of people aren't entirely confident in themselves, even at older ages. Once you get to college and beyond, you'll probably start to feel more confident in yourself in general and you'll likely have some girls who are interested. You'll probably find a lot of girls later in life who you're interested in aren't any more experienced than you are.

Girls and guys have been easy as they are today for a really long time, you'll probably be surprised by some of the stuff people your Grandmother's age have done. 

Yea but girls get called hoes so the have to keep that on the DL they can't talk about that stuff when your a dude its seen as cool, I'm worried about the experience thing, Its just tge fact that I hate being single, And I don't wanna have to wait till I'm older to have had a gf

[chuck]

Uh I am on my phone

Yes, I know. You are clearly very proud of your phone. As far as I can tell, most phones have the capability to edit texts before they are sent.

I know you are young and I think we can all sympathize with that, and I did see that you made a post where you said things like "good point" so I want to be clear that you are progressing in your maturity. Credit where credit is due and all that.

I will also commend the fact that you labelled this post for what it is - a "rant".

I think your response to me is indicative of your general demeanor. Rejecting helpful advice and then blaming it on something else. 

May I ask you what exactly you expect to get from this community? I am genuinely interested in how any of us can help you.

[Brandon]

Yes, I know. You are clearly very proud of your phone. As far as I can tell, most phones have the capability to edit texts before they are sent.

I know you are young and I think we can all sympathize with that, and I did see that you made a post where you said things like "good point" so I want to be clear that you are progressing in your maturity. Credit where credit is due and all that.

I will also commend the fact that you labelled this post for what it is - a "rant".

I think your response to me is indicative of your general demeanor. Rejecting helpful advice and then blaming it on something else. 

May I ask you what exactly you expect to get from this community? I am genuinely interested in how any of us can help you.

I really only use the editor when I'm texting, My auto correct is quite stupid but that's another story, What expect to get is support, But it goes with everything not to get off topic

[chuck]

I really only use the editor when I'm texting, My auto correct is quite stupid but that's another story, What expect to get is support, But it goes with everything not to get off topic

Okay. Thanks for answering. Can you be more specific with your statement? "to get support" What does that mean to you? While we may be off topic, I think its really important that we know how to help each other.

[thatboyfresh]

Yea but girls get called hoes so the have to keep that on the DL they can't talk about that stuff when your a dude its seen as cool, I'm worried about the experience thing, Its just tge fact that I hate being single, And I don't wanna have to wait till I'm older to have had a gf

Who said you had to wait? I don't understand what is holding you back. Is it personal because you are shy, or is it the fact that you are not a cis-male? Because really even though not being a "cis-male" is frustrating, depressing and loathsome at some times in all honesty you're the one holding yourself back. And I don't mean that in a harsh way. I know all about insecurities, dysphoria, depression, anxiety that no one will ever except you for who you are, never being able to have a "normal" relationship and the whole nine yards. I know you think that none of us really know what we are talking about or that you can't believe that what we say is going to happen and that we aren't in the same boat as you. But the simple fact is that we are. And the sooner you realize that we are all trying in earnest too help you out and give you the support you need at this time in your life.
I KNOW for a fact that no person has all the answers but, there are a lot of people on this site who have been through the same situations that you have been in. The sad reality is that you are not unique in the struggles you face as young male and as a young transmale and I am happy that you took the route of trying to find support then live it alone. I realize that maybe our suggestions aren't going to always be the right answers or right for you but, you have to realize that, that's just what they are suggestions and advice. They are not laws and we are not telling you how to live your life but you came here to get help/support so remember that please before you get defensive on us.

Now back to your OP. I went to high school I graduated in 2008 which is not that long ago. There where thousands of kids at my school and while yes some of them were having sex I can guarantee you that they were not the majority. In studies across the board ( quick google) the general statistics for males and females who are sexually active in high school at 1/3 the population. Meaning out of 6 of your friends maybe 2-3 of them are sexually active. You said "as a guy you are looked down on" but if they already think you have had sex, or had girls then let them think that. In all it is not really their business unless you want to make it their business. As for a girlfriend, those are one of the things you just cant force, cic-male or not. Not every one is going to accept you, even though it is crappy it's life and not just a trans thing but there will be people who do love and accept you no matter what. You think a woman won't love you because you don't have the right "stuff" down below but is that what she really falls in love with? If someone really loves you then sex wont be the determining factor. I mean heck my girlfriend and I didn't even kiss for the first time until about a month after we started dating and didn't go passed that for a while.
I know it is hard man, we all know it's hard but the only one who can do anything to change it is you!

[musicofthenight]

If you feel your efforts here are wasted, you're welcome to find a different thread.  I don't feel that what I have to say is going unheard.


There's an awful lot of focus on statistics.  I think that misses the point: this is all about Brandon.  And maybe someone else.

Do you have a particular someone in mind?  What is she like?

[Brandon]

If you feel your efforts here are wasted, you're welcome to find a different thread.  I don't feel that what I have to say is going unheard.


There's an awful lot of focus on statistics.  I think that misses the point: this is all about Brandon.  And maybe someone else.

Do you have a particular someone in mind?  What is she like?

Yea I do but I havent really sat down with her and discussed me being trans, she met me at a talent show she thinks I'm a girl, But that's how she sees me as of know but we havent hung out or anything for her to see the real me, She knows that I feel male but Ive got a chance to explain to her that I am male, And I tried to explain it through text, But I realize I need to tell her in person, She felt weird about the pronouns which I'm not mad at her it's not easy to get anyways it's complicated so I'm not knocking her for it, I want to hang out with her and explain things she is really nice though she's the sweetest girl I know and she's really beautiful inside and out and I wish I could tell her that I'm attracted to but I won't do that till she fully understands me because she is straight, I just wish I could talk to her like any other guy without the awkwardness, So since winter break is coming up I was gonna ask her to do something maybe and sit down and tell her face to face so she can get a better I dea, But she is an understanding person

[aleon515]

Okay. Thanks for answering. Can you be more specific with your statement? "to get support" What does that mean to you? While we may be off topic, I think its really important that we know how to help each other.

I share Chuck's concern. I see Brandon's posts and I know that he raises a question and then sets out to knock down every single suggestion that he gets and then eventually the threads get locked. I have never seen him say "gee, I never thought of that, that's something I could try". Instead he sometimes seems to get angry with the suggestions that people might offer. Seems an odd way to get support.

I certainly hope that the kids will not think we are so out of touch and get on birth control, know their status, and use condoms. I taught middle school and am pretty aware of the rate of sexual intercourse among  middle school and high school kids. States trying to handle thing by urging for abstinence are totally in the dark.



--Jay

[Brandon]

I share Chuck's concern. I see Brandon's posts and I know that he raises a question and then sets out to knock down every single suggestion that he gets and then eventually the threads get locked. I have never seen him say "gee, I never thought of that, that's something I could try". Instead he sometimes seems to get angry with the suggestions that people might offer. Seems an odd way to get support.

I certainly hope that the kids will not think we are so out of touch and get on birth control, know their status, and use condoms. I taught middle school and am pretty aware of the rate of sexual intercourse among  middle school and high school kids. States trying to handle thing by urging for abstinence are totally in the dark.




--Jay

No not everything you say works for me, I have to find my own ways to deal with things that work for me

[aleon515]

One day Brandon, I think you'll look back at all the threads you've made and get what people are saying to you.  I really think you are missing the point.

Well they say wisdom comes with age. (I'm hoping this might be true.)

--Jay

[Brandon]

One day Brandon, I think you'll look back at all the threads you've made and get what people are saying to you.  I really think you are missing the point.

No I get the point, I have to find my own ways you seem to not get that, And I'm not dumb...., just because I'm young means absolutely nothing, maybe you should realize that. That's completely off topic

[CursedFireDean]

No I get the point, I have to find my own ways you seem to not get that, And I'm not dumb...., just because I'm young means absolutely nothing, maybe you should realize that. That's completely off topic

I don't see you getting the point Brandon, we're trying to suggest things for you so that you don't have to think of them yourself. Certainly, not everything we say will work for you and we don't expect it to, but you put down every suggestion. You have to find your own ways because you're not listening. The point of support boards like this is so you don't have to do things by yourself.