Del
*Hugs* It's a shame that your family is not supportive of you. It's a shame that they will not get to meet the true you.
Maybe one day they will open their eyes and see the beautiful woman that you are.
100% what Bethany said.
You might still get to be an aunt yet. :)
Hugs, I know it is hard dealing with the ones we love.
Never dwell on the past being it has been set in stone. Today and tomorrow are tablets laying out for you to write your future of happiness.
Those who judge are ones who truly loose a happy person in there lives.
Again many hugs
Izzy
everyone around here on Susan's Know you'll be beautiful inside and out. I lost my family too for different reasons. You need to take care of your self before your able to help others. My niece did reconnect to me when she got older
Like you say, you don't need anyone's consent or approval. You are who you are, and you took the hardest step (in my opinion) which is being brave enough to come out and take control of your life. Stories like yours give people like me - still in the cage - hope that opening the door and stepping outside, although frightening and filled with some moments of disappointment and sadness, is overall far better and happier than living inside in the long term. Thanks for sharing, and I'm sure things will work out for you. Although your adult relatives might not be on the same page as you right now, I'm sure your niece and nephew will want to connect with the amazing aunt they'll be so proud of.
Hugs, it is really their loss.
I feel for your sadness and am wishing positive thoughts your way.
You made some fantastic progress this year and although you did not get everything, you got you and a fresh start.
I'm really sorry about your sister. My heart breaks whenever I see this happen to one of us because no one deserves rejection for being lgbt (especially from family). Nonetheless, I really admire your resolve and strength to overcome this hardship. And I hope you and your sister will reconcile in the end.
The "there's no going back from this" phrase makes me smile a bit because hose were the very words my endo said to me before I started estrogen. Little did she know that my mind was made up way before I stepped into her office, lol.
Yea, when we start taking hormones and come out to those we love there's no turning back. But it's not like we have a choice in being transsexual anyway.
Everything you said about the people in your life is what most all of us have also experienced, and we suffered the same kind of losses for the same reasons. Members of our immediate families ostracize us, more distant relatives ignore us, and many of our friends just abandon us (or blatantly demean us). But what we have after the dust settles is a fantastic group of friends, along with those strong accepting family members who remained by our sides. With transition there's losses, and why shouldn't we cry about it. I sure did.
Your going to have a beautiful life that's full of love. But I guess you know that.
And by the way, your avatar shows us you're already a very pretty young woman. Hugs hun.
K
For me... waking up from SRS and getting my name legally changed. After that, it was pretty much: burn the ships, we're never going back. :o
the other day I was looking in the mirror andi realised how womanly my body has become. I don't see how this could be reversible. It's not just the boobs, or the ever expanding thighs, my oh so softening skin or even my getting cuter by the day face. It's the sum of all those things. Even if I stopped now I am prolly irreversibly feminized. I thought to myself while staring at my reflection that I hope you are right about this cause there is no going back. In a year or less, I doubt anybody will ever be able to tell I was ever a man. Which is great and almost ethereal in it's awesomeness. Even better I look so young. Time to start working hardcore on my voice. But yeah I'm past the point of no return.
I remember being taken a back at, "guess I really am sterile now" and knowing, not choosing that I won't be having youngins'. Wasn't upset, the moment just gave me pause.
I'm not going to deny that right now, I'm working through grieving the loss of being able to go to dinner as man and woman with my SO. Don't get me wrong, it's much more comfortable being gendered appropriately by the rest of the world but when it comes to her, sometimes I do find myself longing for what was. Except for places that knew us before transition, we get "ladies" when we go out to eat now even when I'm not trying. I miss waitstaff making the assumption that there was no need to split the bill. There was a whole big deal about how my name would appear in the paper next to my SO's when her dad died. Stress because we didn't want it to deal with it saying, "This man is dead, his daughter survives and is an (unintentional) lesbian."
For me it's the knowledge of how much better my life is now, that's how I know there's no going back. Even with the sacrifices I've made and what I lost. I won't be him again. I'm too happy, comfortable. Still, would be nice if I could pass as him once and a while, for my SO and me. I'm sure I could easily earn ire for wanting that cause, "What's wrong with a lesbian relationship?" Well, nothing. The relationship I had, the romantic idea I had of us, is just something I'm mourning.
But!
Seeing as the relationship would probably be over had I not transitioned thanks to anger and booze, there should be plenty of new good times ahead too. Another reason why I won't go back. :)
The sadness comes from thinking about what could have been. Instead reality turned out differently. I hope that with time your sister can come around to missing you as much as you miss the relationship as it could have been.
Like when you tell your wife, "What's been bothering me is that I've had gender identity issues my whole life."?
Or come out to the world on Facebook? I'm sure everyone I ever knew knows by now. Oh well. Those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.
I'm in the middle of that with my sister and her husband. He told me he doesn't want me seeing the kids again -- after Christmas and whenever he thinks it's gone too far. My sister was very supportive at first. Now I have a hard time talking to her. Maybe this part is my fault, but if I'm not allowed to see your kids you're telling me I'm not allowed to see you either. Lots of :'( still over this one.
The best we can do is hope for the future!
Quote from: jussmoi4nao on December 17, 2013, 10:34:33 AM
I guess for me I look at it differently. Allowing myself to let go of people and relationships gives me more strength to go on once I do it, and the ones that are hard to let go of give me the most strength of all.
It's like an affirmation of what you're doing and the choices you've made and saying to yourself that no matter how much you care about anyone in the end your own personal happiness is more important and you're not going to allow these people to take away from that for their own personal comfort level...because that's not a mutually loving relationship, it's one sided and shallow.
After I read that card, I threw it away, and you know what? I felt better. Cuz I let go. Suure it'd be nice if we could have a relationship again one day...but not until they come to me, cuz that's the only way I'll know they actually care. I've had dysphoria since I was 4 so it's been the whole time anyone has ever known me, and if they ever really loved or cared about me they loved that part about me, too, and finding out about it shouldn't change anything...if it does, wellll they never *really* cared about me to begin with, just the person they wanted me to be.
I'm glad you are finding the positive in it. And it's very nice to see you confident and happy about your transition. :)
I feel the same way Stef. I've always been this way and if people don't like me anymore it means they never liked me at all. They just liked the idea of who I might be and the thought tht this was just a long phase. When I was 7 I insisted I was a girl and, without going into specifics, was punished. By the school. By my family. By neighbors. I broke bad. But never escaped my inate feminity. My friends in high school voted my most likely to be a housewife lol
Grieving is part of the transition process. We grieve for the loss of our old identity, the loss of family, friends, and our significant others that can't be expected to make our journey. Transitioning is the greatest, most profound change a human being can make, and before we are free to live our lives, we must make peace with our pasts.
My worst moment came when I came across a card my daughter Katy made for me when she was 8, twenty-two years ago. She drew a picture of herself in Hawaii and wrote, "You're the best Dad in the World." Now I don't exist. I pray that she never feels the way she's made me feel. No parent should feel that way. My transition, like yours, cost me everything, but my future. I'm so excited at the possibilities.
Quote from: Jill F on December 17, 2013, 02:38:26 AM
Like when you tell your wife, "What's been bothering me is that I've had gender identity issues my whole life."?
Or come out to the world on Facebook? I'm sure everyone I ever knew knows by now. Oh well. Those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.
100% agree with this and the same for me. Sometimes I wonder if there are things I have done (like coming out on Facebook) to make sure there is no going back, and to give myself a nudge forward.
Jill hit it on the proverbial head.
Quote from: Antonia J on December 17, 2013, 08:54:36 PM
100% agree with this and the same for me. Sometimes I wonder if there are things I have done (like coming out on Facebook) to make sure there is no going back, and to give myself a nudge forward.
Jill hit it on the proverbial head.
That's quite the way of thinking about it. I'm out to management at work and going on HRT next week. I'm completely certain I'm trans and always have been (history and present). I'm 100% certain I need to transition. I have dysphoria whenever I'm not happy and often when I am happy. I'm neither depressed nor do I have much anxiety. My therapist says I'm of sound mind, not deluded, not coerced, and I have his HRT letter. . . Yet there's that tiny fear that it will all turn out to be my own insanity in the end.
This had me tearing up :icon_cry:. I just started to transition at 24 yrs old and I cant stop thinking of how my familys gonna react when I cant hide it anymore
When I watched my wife drive away from our house for the last time I knew that there was no going back. It was real and I had crossed a line.
When your son tells you that you'll never see his children again, ever.
When your other son goes on a 5 minute rampage with every third word being god, every other third word being f***, and every remaining third word being some mish-mash of biblical nonsense.
When you discover that your spouse has just been putting up with you for years because she never considered you more than "a penis and a paycheck".
They say when it comes to downright ugly, family can be the ugliest. Apparently it's true in some cases.
I am thankful for my daughter, who has supported me all along.
Quote from: LizMarie on December 18, 2013, 01:54:40 AM
They say when it comes to downright ugly, family can be the ugliest. Apparently it's true in some cases.
I am thankful for my daughter, who has supported me all along.
((LizMarie))!! ♥
I'm not going to even pretend my family is close to what you experienced (time may tell), but this statement resounds with me. Family is the most difficult. I'm out to management and it was actually pleasant ~ we talked about this, with family. It's harder for them because they're more invested in me as a person. Work people like me, but in a work relationship it doesn't matter in the slightest whether I'm male or female or going from one to the other.
I'm very happy you have your daughter!!
Quote from: Eva Marie on December 18, 2013, 01:34:13 AM
When I watched my wife drive away from our house for the last time I knew thayt there was no going back. It was real and I had crossed a line.
Eva, I am so sorry for your loss and heartbreak. I wish you lived closer to Michigan. I would invite you for tea by the fire to come and have a good cry with me. We could the celebrate the joy of being ourselves.
Quote from: Antonia J on December 18, 2013, 05:48:15 AM
Eva, I am so sorry for your loss and heartbreak. I wish you lived closer to Michigan. I would invite you for tea by the fire to come and have a good cry with me. We could the celebrate the joy of being ourselves.
I really appreciate that Toni, and if I ever get up that way I'll take you up on that offer :)
@ Lizmarie, So sorry that your family is hitting so hard. I hope your daughter can help your son find acceptance if not support. It took one of my boys a bit.
Hugs dear lady.
these are some horrid stories and I'm sorry y'all had to go through it. But lately it's real hard for me to not identify with the wives, since I hope to be one more then anything. And kids would be great. It's just if you have committed a lie of omission, hiding your transness, how would you expect a wife to react after finding out you've been deceived for years. I'm not trying to cast blame. But if I found out my husband never trusted me with this type of secret it wouldn't just be the revelaation that hurt but also the years of deception and the epihany that I am not only losing my husband but also the fact I've lost decades I can't get back. It just seems no one ever talks about the wive's feelings.
I'm not saying I'm better I just could never hide my womanliness. If I could have, I prolly woulda done something similar. I guess I'm lucky I'm so young and don't have to deal with this. But at least a lot of you got to have children. Oh how I want a husband and kids. Maybe my BF will propose!!!!!!!!!!!! Jeez I love him so much.
Joanna-
A lot of us come on this late in life; it hit me when I was 45 and had been married for a very long time, and I also had two kids by then. Before 45? I didn't have a clue although looking back they were there if you knew what to look for.
So yeah I get the guilt of choosing to live and ruining the future my wife and I had planned for many years. It's a hard thing to deal with, but there was no deception.
Quote from: Joanna Dark on December 18, 2013, 02:11:14 PM
these are some horrid stories and I'm sorry y'all had to go through it. But lately it's real hard for me to not identify with the wives, since I hope to be one more then anything. And kids would be great. It's just if you have committed a lie of omission, hiding your transness, how would you expect a wife to react after finding out you've been deceived for years. I'm not trying to cast blame. But if I found out my husband never trusted me with this type of secret it wouldn't just be the revelaation that hurt but also the years of deception and the epihany that I am not only losing my husband but also the fact I've lost decades I can't get back. It just seems no one ever talks about the wive's feelings.
It is a tragedy for everyone, no doubt. I am 42 yrs old and knew I was different my entire life. However, I always found ways to manage it through staying busy and keeping my mind focused on life around me. Until I had a suicidal episode the summer of 2012 I never really identified as transgender. I just thought I felt like I had two people living inside of me, one who happened to be a girl. I never wanted to be trans, or think about transitioning. I just couldn't make the pieces fit in my brain any more, and my coping mechanisms started to fail. Honestly, if I could have stayed in the closet, kept my life, and lived as I had been for 42 years I would have.
I think the other thing is that growing up in the 70s and 80s there were no places like Susan's or anywhere else to find support. In my area of the country there is a very strong religious right. If the 70s taught you to conform, the Reagan 80s certainly showed you the consequences for being a part of the LGBT community. It is not easy dealing with relationship issues, and sorting out gender identity for a lot of people, but for many of us over 40 years old we also have been conditioned by a world that was a lot different than the world today, and without any support mechanisms.