I noticed lately that the MTF forum is frequented by people very early on in transition and usually not on HRT. There's nothing wrong with that so don't take it the wrong way. But I've been on HRT for almost a year and there used to be a lot of people here that were long time transitioners. I really identified with a lot of them. But they seem to have vanished. I especially miss Girl You Look Fierce and now Sarah7, who prolly left because of the thread on disclosure. She was one of the wisest posters and now she is gone because people who prolly never even dealt with a sexual situation while trans (pre or post-op) moralized and chided those that said you shouldn't have to tell.
I don't know I don't mind helping people out but lately I feel like a stranger here even though I've been a regular poster for a year. I'm thinking of taking a break or fiding a new forum. No offense to anyone but it just seems it changed and maybe it's time for me to move on from this forum or in general. I just don't need it like I did then. But I may change my mind. Just wondering has any other long time member noticed the MTF forum has changed and a lot of posters seem to have made ghosts of themselves. Not all just some. Maybe I'm hormonal lol
You will see the long time posters come and go in waves. After a few months, I normally take a three or four month break. This site can be a little taxing at times. Give it time, and many of them will return.
I don't think it has changed that much here, just the normal ebb and flow of the universe. Some people just get to a certain level and don't need to be as active or personal decisions and time restraints keep them too busy to post as regularly. You are always going to have people join and then leave, that is just human nature. I still believe in this family 110% and try to stay active as much as I can. Even genetic families fall away sometimes, you just never know what is going on in people's lives. Take me for example, I am now full time and have found a whole new world to explore and make my mark in. This doesn't mean I am abandoning Susan's, just a little busier in my life now. Everything is OK! This is still the best support site on the net. :)
Quote from: Joanna Dark on January 17, 2014, 12:12:00 PM
I especially miss Girl You Look Fierce and now Sarah7, who prolly left because of the thread on disclosure. She was one of the wisest posters and now she is gone because people who prolly never even dealt with a sexual situation while trans (pre or post-op) moralized and chided those that said you shouldn't have to tell.
That topic, I am sure had some people leave, I am not going to lie it upset me abit as well, however I am still here as well as a few others. I have however thought of backing away a couple times, but while the forum hasn't been as much help for me per-se, I do realize that I can be of help to others who have a question that I may be able to answer or offer an opinion, that is the main reason I have stuck around, while some opinions I do not care for (like those about disclosure) I have to remind my self what is said about opinion and that sometimes they are like.....
well you get it, I'll still be here if I can help ;)
yea, I've only been here a little while and have notice a drastic change in the last few weeks, as far as new faces and the missing older ones.
I've been on and off since I joined last summer. I just kinda check in once in a while to see if there's anything I can answer, or if I need to vent. If I'm bored, and need a little drama intake, I can always come here for that too lol.
There's many reasons long time posters can stop, though I will admit after my first reply to my post in that thread I got out.
They may not be posting or even on the site anymore but they still might be active sharing it, that's how I got here.
My posting has personaly slowed for 3 reasons, firstly, I'm in limbo, I know all I need to to start but have no experience yet, secondly, I have had plenty of time, technology and internet problems going on, lastly, I get scared of posting quite often, and so I don't.
Well Joanna, most just kind of move on as their transitions get to a certain undefined point. I had my first account in April or May of 2012, but came back for a while last June. But I'll fade off fairly soon, as you also will some time in the future. You'll soon be one of the senior members. Oh wait, you are now ... Hugs hun.
Quote from: Joanna Dark on January 17, 2014, 12:12:00 PM
I noticed lately that the MTF forum is frequented by people very early on in transition and usually not on HRT. There's nothing wrong with that so don't take it the wrong way. But I've been on HRT for almost a year and there used to be a lot of people here that were long time transitioners. I really identified with a lot of them. But they seem to have vanished. I especially miss Girl You Look Fierce and now Sarah7, who prolly left because of the thread on disclosure. She was one of the wisest posters and now she is gone because people who prolly never even dealt with a sexual situation while trans (pre or post-op) moralized and chided those that said you shouldn't have to tell.
I don't know I don't mind helping people out but lately I feel like a stranger here even though I've been a regular poster for a year. I'm thinking of taking a break or fiding a new forum. No offense to anyone but it just seems it changed and maybe it's time for me to move on from this forum or in general. I just don't need it like I did then. But I may change my mind. Just wondering has any other long time member noticed the MTF forum has changed and a lot of posters seem to have made ghosts of themselves. Not all just some. Maybe I'm hormonal lol
A lot of people come here for support during transition and leave or taper off after their transition is complete (whatever that means to them). I remember being pretty devastated when everyone I was close to left around the same time after about a year or two. People on here in various stages of transition go through it together, bond and then the next group shows up. I know it feels like everyone is leaving, but that's kind of the way it goes here. People come in waves.
Sarah7 has come on and off for a couple years. She'll probably be back. I hope. :) Don't know about girl you look fierce. Hope she returns too. Sometimes people just need a break from gender issues.
I think I avoided that Disclosure thread, I figure there are some things, no matter what I feel/think about them that aren't worth contributing to...no argument has ever been won on the internet after all. I certainly won't touch any discussion on Obamacare, guns, US politics, etc...!
Yes, there does seem to be a bit of an empty space at the moment. I gather a couple of members were banned and a number of others then left in protest. A big shame that. Others have probably gotten busy with life and so forth. A lot of new people joined over the holidays/new year, which makes a lot of sense, it's a time for resolutions and self-reflection.
The forum is a bit circular too, I guess there are only so many time you can join a discussion about some topic or another, especially when it was discussed to the nth degree just a month ago. Forum fatigue!
Anyway, I hope you can stick around! :D
I feel the same way, Joanna. I hate it when longtime people leave or taper off. I miss Axelle, Lucky Peach, Padma, and justmeinoz, wish we saw more of Sephirah, and hope Madeline B and MeghanAndrews will stop in sometime soon.
But today's early transitioners are tomorrow's old-timers, so new longtime transitioners are being created all the time.
i've been on for 4 monthes. living full time since i was 14. just joined here about a month ago though, but i've been reading posts here since the summer, not sure why it took me so long to join though
I am a few months pre-op (scheduled in April). But I tend to be a thread killer, and I certainly don't have a goal in like of running up high post counts. It's not really big goal of mine to stick around the community either. Sure chatting and forums are fine, but I like to associate with the dozen or so TS people I know in life, I'm fully employed and busy in life too.
I've been on this board hanging around in various forums for a few years now as I figured out who I am. I've seen many people come and go during that time, and i've seen the activity on the board ebb and flow. I think it's just normal for a forum of this nature to gain and lose members. There are many people I fondly remember from the old days that are long gone now and I miss them and wish them well, but I'm also getting a chance to acquaint myself with new people so it's all good.
It's just the way it goes. We're all here for support when we need it...
And I too will fade away one day, probably after SRS.
I've only been here a few months and it does seem that the membership can be somewhat fluid just as it is on most online forums. I wouldn't worry about it or let it affect your participation.
Quote from: big head horsey-face on January 17, 2014, 02:59:41 PM
I've only been here a few months and it does seem that the membership can be somewhat fluid just as it is on most online forums. I wouldn't worry about it or let it affect your participation.
Yeah, there will always be someone here to talk to. :)
Quote from: Joanna Dark on January 17, 2014, 12:12:00 PM
I noticed lately that the MTF forum is frequented by people very early on in transition and usually not on HRT. There's nothing wrong with that so don't take it the wrong way. But I've been on HRT for almost a year and there used to be a lot of people here that were long time transitioners. I really identified with a lot of them. But they seem to have vanished. I especially miss Girl You Look Fierce and now Sarah7, who prolly left because of the thread on disclosure. She was one of the wisest posters and now she is gone because people who prolly never even dealt with a sexual situation while trans (pre or post-op) moralized and chided those that said you shouldn't have to tell.
I don't know I don't mind helping people out but lately I feel like a stranger here even though I've been a regular poster for a year. I'm thinking of taking a break or fiding a new forum. No offense to anyone but it just seems it changed and maybe it's time for me to move on from this forum or in general. I just don't need it like I did then. But I may change my mind. Just wondering has any other long time member noticed the MTF forum has changed and a lot of posters seem to have made ghosts of themselves. Not all just some. Maybe I'm hormonal lol
"Girl You Look Fierce" left the site. I liked her a lot. We had lots of good conversations. Sarah7 is easily one of the nicer and most knowledgeable people on the site. When Sarah talks, people listen. Most, at least. The smart ones.
I have lowered my profile. The reasons are personal, but fir those who have been here a while, obvious.
I hope the site can recapture the good feelings that existed a couple of years ago. :'(
It hurts to lose understanding friends.
I would say it is the normal ebb and flow....but, over time it seems that more and more people are moving away from forums as a medium to more social platforms. I can't say I like that trend, as I only grudgingly have a facebook page, much less any other social media, perhaps that means I am old now, but I didn't think I would feel old while I am still in my 20s.
I've been here (in different forms) since summer of 2006. I've seen many people come and go. That's just the way it goes with forums. I stick around for the hell of it. (Although I've got pissed off for one reason or another and thought about splitting a couple of times.) But, I'll stick around. The things that pissed me off, tend to not bug me so much after awhile and things are just the way that they are. The world keeps turning and all that.
This is a superb forum and it has been an essential feature of my year in transition. I have made friends and some of us have connected in real time. It can also be a huge draw of time and involves sitting on my little ass. I am right now thinking about getting outdoors for some real exercise and then heading out on a friday nite to meet with tangible people. I greatly appreciate what is shared here and have learned a lot. It is also important to feel we can give something back for those who follow us or never post a thing.
And yes it really is fun to hear about new ideas and the experiences of others. Way entertaining and we can LMAO any time we want. so much choice.....
Quote from: big head horsey-face on January 17, 2014, 02:59:41 PM
I've only been here a few months and it does seem that the membership can be somewhat fluid just as it is on most online forums. I wouldn't worry about it or let it affect your participation.
Yeah, I was going to say, it's pretty standard for all forums. People leave for a while, come back for a bit, etc. Tons of new members, followed by low amounts of posts...
I've said it before, will say it again... the great thing about Susan's is that, for the first time, I realised I wasn't alone in all this.
Sometimes I feel like I'm typing here for my own amusement, whether anyone reads my stuff or not though it's still a great way to get my thoughts and feelings down in a way that makes sense to me.
Quote from: Joanna Dark on January 17, 2014, 12:12:00 PM
I noticed lately that the MTF forum is frequented by people very early on in transition and usually not on HRT. There's nothing wrong with that so don't take it the wrong way. But I've been on HRT for almost a year and there used to be a lot of people here that were long time transitioners. I really identified with a lot of them. But they seem to have vanished. I especially miss Girl You Look Fierce and now Sarah7, who prolly left because of the thread on disclosure. She was one of the wisest posters and now she is gone because people who prolly never even dealt with a sexual situation while trans (pre or post-op) moralized and chided those that said you shouldn't have to tell.
I don't know I don't mind helping people out but lately I feel like a stranger here even though I've been a regular poster for a year. I'm thinking of taking a break or fiding a new forum. No offense to anyone but it just seems it changed and maybe it's time for me to move on from this forum or in general. I just don't need it like I did then. But I may change my mind. Just wondering has any other long time member noticed the MTF forum has changed and a lot of posters seem to have made ghosts of themselves. Not all just some. Maybe I'm hormonal lol
I've noticed this myself. When I came here, there were many people that I found inspiring or those who were my age with similar circumstances. Now it seems like all these people are gone and the site is different as a result. In a way, it's understandable, but somewhat sad. While I'll always love the site, it's no longer the family I once viewed it as nor is it a necessary component for my transition. And in addition to the changes of the site, my circumstances have altered. I'm out, my life is getting on track,I've begun my transition, and I know that I'll be able to pass. Even though I have much to go, the hardest parts (for me) have been tackled or are a work in progress. The site will likely continue to help me as I have a lot more work to do and things to learn, but I no longer "need it" in order to find the strength or inspiration to move forward. I'd imagine many members have had similar feelings and have parted for this reason, especially those that have already fully transitioned. I don't know. People grow and move on. And the site itself has evolved into something else as a result. I'll probably stick around for a while as the site still helps and I like to help others, but it feels weird to be among so many new members and very few old ones. It's also awkward to have very few people my age group who I can identify with or relate to like there used to be. In addition to all that, I have felt the need to be less active because there are things that have changed, and I feel that my impact on the site has unintentionally had more negative impact than positive ones. I'm much more cautious because I don't want to get into arguments, upset anyone or be misunderstood. In any case, how often can I say the same things and reply to similar posts that continuously pop up? I'll always try to help, but I don't know.
Quote from: Ms Grace on January 17, 2014, 06:44:14 PM
I've said it before, will say it again... the great thing about Susan's is that, for the first time, I realised I wasn't alone in all this.
Sometimes I feel like I'm typing here for my own amusement, whether anyone reads my stuff or not though it's still a great way to get my thoughts and feelings down in a way that makes sense to me.
I find it's a great relief to get things out with people who understand other than my therapist
Quote from: stephaniec on January 17, 2014, 06:50:41 PM
I find it's a great relief to get things out with people who understand other than my therapist
I also like to talk to the new transitioner it's interesting to get that perspective. Of course it is a shock at first because this is the internet, you kind of forget.
Online communities are not permanent residences... not for most people. It is normal for people to come and go. It is also normal for people who have been long time members to long for days gone by.
"Get offa' my lawn!"
Here it is pretty simple, as I see it.
The people with the most questions are pre-transitioners.
The people with the most to say are giddy, new transitioners.
People who have been transitioning for a while or are post transition are the wisest about certain topics, but have also, already answered that question 49 times.
This is a a site dedicated to trans issues, and the prefix trans has a specific meaning... it suggests a process of going from one situation to another.
There are not a lot of trans role models, in part because a sussessful transition often culminates in resuming life... many of us just want to blend in to society rather than stand out, and once that is accomplished, thoughts of our pre-transition self have begun to fade in various ways. Our need to communicate with the trans community can diminish.
In short, the people with the most to offer, have the least need to offer it, so if they feel like people have ganged up on them, they get smited one too many times, or their friends have vanished, it makes it easier to leave the community.
Hey,
I'm still here!!!! It's been 13 months. And yes, I have been wondering where they went as well. Girl you look fierce was wonderful. I did not interact that much with Sarah7. I miss some others who used to answer my questions. I miss some of the family that was here before. I wonder how they are doing. Some left while they were in the midst of struggles and I am concerned. If a person leaves because it's just time, that is one thing. But if they left because they gave up, that is so very different.
So here I am, still on the site, trying to discuss things and offer assistance as I can, as I feel needed. I'm also looking more at the FFS and SRS forums and less on the transgendered forum. I think that is part of transition.
On the other hand, I do like meeting younger brothers and sisters.
Hugs,
Jen
Susan's is the first site I encounter the day I started HRT. I haven't been to other sites I kind of feel comfy here
Quote from: Tori on January 17, 2014, 07:41:48 PM
Online communities are not permanent residences... not for most people. It is normal for people to come and go. It is also normal for people who have been long time members to long for days gone by.
"Get offa' my lawn!"
Here it is pretty simple, as I see it.
The people with the most questions are pre-transitioners.
The people with the most to say are giddy, new transitioners.
People who have been transitioning for a while or are post transition are the wisest about certain topics, but have also, already answered that question 49 times.
This is a a site dedicated to trans issues, and the prefix trans has a specific meaning... it suggests a process of going from one situation to another.
There are not a lot of trans role models, in part because a sussessful transition often culminates in resuming life... many of us just want to blend in to society rather than stand out, and once that is accomplished, thoughts of our pre-transition self have begun to fade in various ways. Our need to communicate with the trans community can diminish.
In short, the people with the most to offer, have the least need to offer it, so if they feel like people have ganged up on them, they get smited one too many times, or their friends have vanished, it makes it easier to leave the community.
This is pretty much it imo.
A lot of the threads going on right now I can't even relate to, so I don't even know how to respond let alone offer help. It does make me feel alienated when people whom I did relate to get ganged up on by bullies with agendas and get driven away. And now that these awesome people are gone, the instigators slink back into the shadows, which makes it feel like they won. They always win though. It is so much easier to create discord than harmony.
Quote from: Jen on January 17, 2014, 08:24:51 PM
This is pretty much it imo.
A lot of the threads going on right now I can't even relate to, so I don't even know how to respond let alone offer help. It does make me feel alienated when people whom I did relate to get ganged up on by bullies with agendas and get driven away. And now that these awesome people are gone, the instigators slink back into the shadows, which makes it feel like they won. They always win though. It is so much easier to create discord than harmony.
As long as a few of us remain, they will never win!
Quote from: Jen on January 17, 2014, 08:24:51 PM
This is pretty much it imo.
A lot of the threads going on right now I can't even relate to, so I don't even know how to respond let alone offer help. It does make me feel alienated when people whom I did relate to get ganged up on by bullies with agendas and get driven away. And now that these awesome people are gone, the instigators slink back into the shadows, which makes it feel like they won. They always win though. It is so much easier to create discord than harmony.
We were all, "They" once.
This place has a learning curve and it be quite inhospitable for new, big, opinionated personalities, which in turn can inspire them to lash out, causing large ripples of unntended negativity from newbie toward the veteran.
Supporting with terms of "Us/They", can make it particularly hard for, "Them" to know what to say.
We all play a role in the quality of this community's future.
If "Girl You Look Fierce" is who I'm 99% sure she is, then I know she left for personal reasons cuz she actually became a very good friend of mine and someone with whom I shared an immense amount in common,
This site can be helpful I think, but I also think support sites can be a trap. Over frequenting and over venting can be harmful. Aaall things in moderation. I will be honest I generally only come on when I have a question I cant get the answer to elsewhere or if like I want a judgment free pick me up. Otherwise I prefer to avoid circles like this, tbh.
I think Ms Grace & Tori answered the question well. But, since I like to hear (or see) my own words, I will add a little.
As with any social setting, online or otherwise, people tend to become more selective about who they hang out with after a while. Our interests and demands change over time.
For me, any forum is just one part of what I do. I signed up here almost a year ago, but only had 2 posts before a few weeks ago. Then a few dozen quite quickly, followed by very little. This is normal.
In the unlikely event that someone really wants to ask my opinion on a specific topic, I reckon they would be able to send me a PM. That will show up in my email, which is checked several times each day. There are many days (or weeks) when I don't load up this site into my browser, so I often miss specific questions posted in the forums (eg: the disclosure thread that was mentioned - sounds like I was lucky to miss it).
This site has been one of my primary sources of information over the past year as I have been struggling to come to terms with being trans. I am very grateful for the many people who have posted here over the years, whether or not they still post here. I have much respect for those whom I have observed posting responsibly for many years (eg: I have been seeing FA posting here for so long that I automatically read every word). Funny thing is, for years before I admitted I might need to talk to someone about a possible gender issue, every time I went looking for pron, I seemed to end up here ... that probably should have given me a bit of a clue ...
Tessa
I know I'm one of those "Giddy" new just starting hrt posters/members, But I feel I've rather found a little home here where I can get advice from others who are more wiser than I. I'm a rather shy person. I live alone, and though I run my own business it's only part time. Before I found Susan's I had nowhere to express my concerns, to learn, and to grow with others who are going through the same issues as I. I however feel I'll be here for a very long time even long after my eventual SRS a couple of years down the road. Due to my being older, and that I felt I had to hold off transition for a long time I have years of misery and torment I've lived through. Maybe my experiences will one day pull that one person back from the ledge who knows. I've certainly been on that ledge many times myself. On web forums people will come and go. And some of us might take a little break or slow down with our responses due to everyday life getting in the way and taking up more precious hours of the day. There will be weeks when my posts will be light, and weeks where I'll post alot. All I can say is I'm so glad to have found this site and have met some of my new friends that I have here. You know who you are as you read this so I'll not mention names. Finally I'll close this post with, when I first joined I was going through a rather bad time with things, and those of you here with your posts pulled me out of it and I've stayed pretty upbeat since then. Some of you may not even know how you've helped me for for many it was just reading your posts about your experiences that made me feel so not alone. Therefore I thank you all, and look forward to many more years of meaningful conversations, laughs, and yes, a good cry now and then. ;) :D
To be honest I have seen this several times, many moons ago when I was a naughty girl several people left and there was much discussion that the site was bleeding members and would never recover. It did, I did and this cycle will also disapear and be repeated in the future.
Many of us carry baggage, it hurts us, sometimes we just can't cope and interact badly. I know that so well. But there will always be new members, there will always be people who care, there will always be those who find the freedom and the excitement of realising that they are not alone overwhelming.
People offer advice that they think is good and solid and they receive negative comments, feel offended and withdraw.
There are others who grow from the same response.
What to do about it? Learn from our mistakes for we are all human. Forgive those who smite us, in every sense of the word. Reach out a hand in friendship, there are many hands that will grasp it in return.
Apologise to those we have hurt either deliberately or accidentally and realise that if we can't accept the problems that go with being transgender there is no way cisgender people ever can.
Quote from: jussmoi4nao on January 17, 2014, 09:17:01 PM
If "Girl You Look Fierce" is who I'm 99% sure she is, then I know she left for personal reasons cuz she actually became a very good friend of mine and someone with whom I shared an immense amount in common,
This site can be helpful I think, but I also think support sites can be a trap. Over frequenting and over venting can be harmful. Aaall things in moderation. I will be honest I generally only come on when I have a question I cant get the answer to elsewhere or if like I want a judgment free pick me up. Otherwise I prefer to avoid circles like this, tbh.
Hey! I'm waiting on another lip-sync video!! :P
Quote from: Cindy on January 18, 2014, 12:20:41 AM
To be honest I have seen this several times, many moons ago when I was a naughty girl several people left and there was much discussion that the site was bleeding members and would never recover. It did, I did and this cycle will also disapear and be repeated in the future.
Many of us carry baggage, it hurts us, sometimes we just can't cope and interact badly. I know that so well. But there will always be new members, there will always be people who care, there will always be those who find the freedom and the excitement of realising that they are not alone overwhelming.
People offer advice that they think is good and solid and they receive negative comments, feel offended and withdraw.
There are others who grow from the same response.
What to do about it? Learn from our mistakes for we are all human. Forgive those who smite us, in every sense of the word. Reach out a hand in friendship, there are many hands that will grasp it in return.
Apologise to those we have hurt either deliberately or accidentally and realise that if we can't accept the problems that go with being transgender there is no way cisgender people ever can.
Please Cindy...
Make a bad post so I can disagree with you.
Some of the most sincere posts I have ever made here were justifiably castracized or deleted because I broke unspoken rules. Nobody bans you for breaking them, but you may be smited/watched.
Why are they not written? Well the first two rules of... are...
I personally feel I don't relate much to newcomers And what ever I say I feel is largely ignored. I'm a year into my transition living full time and expecting bottom surgery soon. I don't know many that are at a similar point as me here.
Quote from: Riley Skye on January 18, 2014, 12:52:01 AM
I personally feel I don't relate much to newcomers And what ever I say I feel is largely ignored. I'm a year into my transition living full time and expecting bottom surgery soon. I don't know many that are at a similar point as me here.
Not a shock you do not relate.
Congrats on your surgery date BTW!
Let me ask you this: If everyone here, when you first joined, did not 'Relate' to you, would you still be here ?
We are a transient community. A community of well dressed hobos.
Kindly help the hop ons before you go.
:)
Quote from: Tori on January 18, 2014, 12:47:46 AM
Please Cindy...
Make a bad post so I can disagree with you.
Some of the most sincere posts I have ever made here were justifiably castracized or deleted because I broke unspoken rules. Nobody bans you for breaking them, but you may be smited/watched.
Why are they not written? Well the first two rules of... are...
Ahh rules: I'm not religious but this changed me:
Hillel the Great lived about 2300 years ago. A man went to Hillel and
challenged, "If you can tell me the whole of the Torah while standing on
one foot I will become a Jew." Hillel responded, "What is hateful to
thee do not do to another. That is the whole of the torah. The rest is
just commentary. Now go study."
I try to live that, I fail, but I try. I will keep failing and I will keep trying.
Quote from: Tori on January 17, 2014, 08:50:03 PM
We were all, "They" once.
This place has a learning curve and it be quite inhospitable for new, big, opinionated personalities, which in turn can inspire them to lash out, causing large ripples of unntended negativity from newbie toward the veteran.
Supporting with terms of "Us/They", can make it particularly hard for, "Them" to know what to say.
We all play a role in the quality of this community's future.
I wasn't talking abt new members when i said they, actually. But I also won't name anybody. I just am sad about the shambles trolls leave things in for new members after they finish bashing everything to bits.
Quote from: Jen on January 18, 2014, 01:07:37 AM
I wasn't talking abt new members when i said they, actually. But I also won't name anybody. I just am sad about the shambles trolls leave things in for new members after they finish bashing everything to bits.
Of course.
This forum is filled with people waiting in the woodwork to just mess with anyone and everyone for no reason at all in order to properly troll.
There should be a subtitle: "Susan's... beware, trolls are actively waiting to mess with you, especially if you know how THIS place should work."
Or, we could just teach our children well...
(Jen, I trust you know I am not picking your past actions apart, just using your point to build upon mine for my own gain... like, how conversations, even importaint ones, work.)
Quote from: Tori on January 18, 2014, 01:16:37 AM
Of course.
This forum is filled with people waiting in the woodwork to just mess with anyone and everyone for no reason at all in order to properly troll.
There should be a subtitle: "Susan's... beware, trolls are actively waiting to mess with you, especially if you know how THIS place should work."
Or, we could just teach our children well...
(Jen, I trust you know I am not picking your past actions apart, just using your point to build upon mine for my own gain... like, how conversations, even importaint ones, work.)
I understand your point and am not arguing with it. I agree that newcomers deserve some latitude and that when drama happens everybody involved, even those not instigating, share some of the blame. I get it.
Maybe you weren't here when this all happened idk, but these were not children or newcomers that created the toxic environment, nor were they ones open to be taught anything or even people I care to teach. And it certainly was not for no reason at all. It was a clash of opposing agendas, both sides hellbent on controlling everybody that goes against their silly worldview. Some newcomers did fan flames, no doubt, but I don't blame them in the least, because they are new and frankly were being used.
Anyway, I probably phrased something in a way that irked you and drew your ire, because honestly you are arguing with me about something I agree with. Maybe I came across a little strong in the way I used my language, but this is an issue that actually makes me sad/mad and it isn't exactly easy for me to choose soft phrasing when I feel this way. That is probably a failing of mine, but I'm upset, I say things, it happens.
We are talking about the fallout of something that happened in the past. There is a way forward, and this has all happened before btw, things will regrow and flourish again eventually. We just need to stop being horrible to each other. It isn't that hard.
I have been here for a good while. I am neither a newbie nor a veteran
There was a good year or so where I sat back, watched, and shut up.
I think we speak of the same time.
Be yourself, AND share with the NOOBS, what you learned from those days.
Y'all know it is not rocket science.
I was warned about this a while ago. Trans people run in different circles. We're at so many different places and are fluctuating in so many different ways that friendships come and go very quickly.
There were posters that I felt sympathetic to a year ago. I've seem them achieve their goals and move on. I'm happy for them. But I do feel left behind.
There are posters that I've met that have been unbelievably supportive through pm's. I feel very fortunate to have established them. My primary reason for sticking with this board is due to those relationships.
I do wish that life was as innocent and curious as it was when I first joined.
Quote from: Cindy on January 18, 2014, 12:58:23 AM
Ahh rules: I'm not religious but this changed me:
Hillel the Great lived about 2300 years ago. A man went to Hillel and
challenged, "If you can tell me the whole of the Torah while standing on
one foot I will become a Jew." Hillel responded, "What is hateful to
thee do not do to another. That is the whole of the torah. The rest is
just commentary. Now go study."
I try to live that, I fail, but I try. I will keep failing and I will keep trying.
Oh for G-d's sake!
Gentile here. Just a long time in NYC. Hebrew and Yiddish rubs off!
Great post.
Hmmm, who'd thunk my topic would get so much traffic? I, myself, just have trouble relating to all the boob topics and a lot of the people on the fence. But I'm pretty adamant about my transition, so, idk. I really don't know how I can help. I still haven't gotten laser even though I could have a million times and spend all my time with my BF, or whatever it is you would call him, and I feel he is moving away from me kinda. Most here like women. I see a woman and I want her boots or bag and the only reason I want to get her out of her jeans is so I can steal them. I even posted an ad and have a tenative date. I'm not exclusive with him but hes gonna get jealous cause he even said something to that effect. Plus, he always mentions it and I told him I'm talking to a guy, a football player (semi-pro), who owns his own business and I wouldprolly be better off with but I can't help that I'm in love and I just don't know if he feels the same. Plus, we havent had sex in a week or barley touched. The only thing he did when I mentioned this guy was make fun of him for being semi-pro.
But maybe I should focus on laser and SRS and going back to school to be a librarian but I focus on him. He does do a lot for me, like let me live with him for basically free. IDK. I mean he does so much for me. so so so much. With my one ex, I was always like she says she loves me but actions speak louder than words and this is like the total opposite situation. Well, I slept with him Wednesday, so that wasn't that long ago. ugh.
I guess I just miss the old days and think that one topic started by the member who dissapeared after that was a nail in the coffin. Not that the site won't recover but idk. It is comforting to know others see what I see and im not insane or overly-sensitive. I wouldn't made it this far if not for this site and my BF and both seem to be on the ropes. Maye I was just crazy for thinking he could ever love me and sometimes lately are just want to run back to the familiar arms of being a dude, no matter how much i sucked at it. But I do have this other guy...I don't know I can't even detransition now even if I wanted too. There's no way these changes are gong away. Hence why i havent gotten laser. I might never pass as male again. Did I just derail my own topic. Just ignore me. I think Ijust need to cry. Maybe i opened a can of worms i shouldnt have with this topc.
Quote from: Joanna Dark on January 18, 2014, 03:04:27 AM
Hmmm, who'd thunk my topic would get so much traffic? I, myself, just have trouble relating to all the boob topics and a lot of the people on the fence. But I'm pretty adamant about my transition, so, idk. I really don't know how I can help. I still haven't gotten laser even though I could have a million times and spend all my time with my BF, or whatever it is you would call him, and I feel he is moving away from me kinda. Most here like women. I see a woman and I want her boots or bag and the only reason I want to get her out of her jeans is so I can steal them. I even posted an ad and have a tenative date. I'm not exclusive with him but hes gonna get jealous cause he even said something to that effect. Plus, he always mentions it and I told him I'm talking to a guy, a football player (semi-pro), who owns his own business and I wouldprolly be better off with but I can't help that I'm in love and I just don't know if he feels the same. Plus, we havent had sex in a week or barley touched. The only thing he did when I mentioned this guy was make fun of him for being semi-pro.
But maybe I should focus on laser and SRS and going back to school to be a librarian but I focus on him. He does do a lot for me, like let me live with him for basically free. IDK. I mean he does so much for me. so so so much. With my one ex, I was always like she says she loves me but actions speak louder than words and this is like the total opposite situation. Well, I slept with him Wednesday, so that wasn't that long ago. ugh.
I guess I just miss the old days and think that one topic started by the member who dissapeared after that was a nail in the coffin. Not that the site won't recover but idk. It is comforting to know others see what I see and im not insane or overly-sensitive. I wouldn't made it this far if not for this site and my BF and both seem to be on the ropes. Maye I was just crazy for thinking he could ever love me and sometimes lately are just want to run back to the familiar arms of being a dude, no matter how much i sucked at it. But I do have this other guy...I don't know I can't even detransition now even if I wanted too. There's no way these changes are gong away. Hence why i havent gotten laser. I might never pass as male again. Did I just derail my own topic. Just ignore me. I think Ijust need to cry. Maybe i opened a can of worms i shouldnt have with this topc.
I know what you mean. The trans community is very diverse and we all have different interests and lifestyles. While I have no issue with transwomen that have wives and children, it's harder for me to relate. Sometimes age and lifestyles differences can make me feel like an outsider. There is nothing wrong with that; however, I wish I knew more transgirls that I could relate with. Then again, I do find a lot in common as well and do like everyone. Just wish there were more familiar faces and other girls that I could identify with easily.
In any case, I love the site and wish to help whenever I can. I just feel like things have changed and my place here is very different. I feel tentative about things. And I feel like I have very little to contribute and when I do feel like providing feedback, I'm afraid I'll be misunderstood or it will have some negative impact. I miss some of the older members and the past environment of the site. Then again, maybe it was me who changed and not the site.
And I know what you mean about passing as male. I feel like I'm coming closer to male fail mode and it's awesome but a little scary. Soon I'll no longer have a safety net and will have to just go full time because part time will be really hard to do once I cut and style my hair. It's exciting and amazing; yet reall nerve racking all at once.
I'm hoping all is well with you and your boyfriend. It sounds like you may need to vent, so don't hesistate to speak about it if it will help. Don't feel shy if it will make you feel better. One thing I would suggest regarless of your relationship is to focus on yourself. Going back to school or finding your dream career may be a good idea. Whether you are with him or not, it's always nice to know that you have security and stability. It's fine to love someone and to have a partnership, but it's also a good thing to know that you can survive on your own if need be. Honestly, I would be careful before depending on any guy for stability, even if you love and have faith in him.
Quote from: Joanna Dark on January 18, 2014, 03:04:27 AM
Hmmm, who'd thunk my topic would get so much traffic? I, myself, just have trouble relating to all the boob topics and a lot of the people on the fence. But I'm pretty adamant about my transition, so, idk. I really don't know how I can help. I still haven't gotten laser even though I could have a million times and spend all my time with my BF, or whatever it is you would call him, and I feel he is moving away from me kinda. Most here like women. I see a woman and I want her boots or bag and the only reason I want to get her out of her jeans is so I can steal them. I even posted an ad and have a tenative date. I'm not exclusive with him but hes gonna get jealous cause he even said something to that effect. Plus, he always mentions it and I told him I'm talking to a guy, a football player (semi-pro), who owns his own business and I wouldprolly be better off with but I can't help that I'm in love and I just don't know if he feels the same. Plus, we havent had sex in a week or barley touched. The only thing he did when I mentioned this guy was make fun of him for being semi-pro.
But maybe I should focus on laser and SRS and going back to school to be a librarian but I focus on him. He does do a lot for me, like let me live with him for basically free. IDK. I mean he does so much for me. so so so much. With my one ex, I was always like she says she loves me but actions speak louder than words and this is like the total opposite situation. Well, I slept with him Wednesday, so that wasn't that long ago. ugh.
I guess I just miss the old days and think that one topic started by the member who dissapeared after that was a nail in the coffin. Not that the site won't recover but idk. It is comforting to know others see what I see and im not insane or overly-sensitive. I wouldn't made it this far if not for this site and my BF and both seem to be on the ropes. Maye I was just crazy for thinking he could ever love me and sometimes lately are just want to run back to the familiar arms of being a dude, no matter how much i sucked at it. But I do have this other guy...I don't know I can't even detransition now even if I wanted too. There's no way these changes are gong away. Hence why i havent gotten laser. I might never pass as male again. Did I just derail my own topic. Just ignore me. I think Ijust need to cry. Maybe i opened a can of worms i shouldnt have with this topc.
You did.
But in Soviet Russia, topic derails you.
(Pause for laughs)
You want replys? Make this thread about boobs.
You know, I realized about a week or so ago that my post rate was going way, way down. Some of that is just reverting to the norm for me. My stats say I have averaged 2.73 posts per day. That's about ten times what is normal for me. A lot of that has been driven by the fact that this site is new to me and I've been exploring and seeing what's out there. Some of it is driven by other things going on. At the moment I am engaged with:
-Trans* inclusive healthcare for federal employees;
-The Maryland gender identity bill;
-Planning my 2014 fruit/vegetable/herb garden;
-Hopefully, maybe, if I'm lucky being about to finally get a job again; and
-Trying to figure out what happens to the things I do as organizer and advocate if I do finally get a job again. Basically I'm thinking a lot about what getting a job would mean for me relationship with the trans* community.
The fact that I also have heat now means that I am no longer confined to my sofa under a pike of blankets when I'm at home, so I've been doing more cooking and other things.
I also just get sick of talking about myself and about the same topics. I tend to be more willing to talk for 2-3 months and then I get talked out and stop for 6-12 months at a time. I'm pretty boring personally and there's only so much I can say about the same topics, with none of that being particularly wise or worth repeating over and over.
So I'll probably have another burst of activity when one or more of these things change. But for now, I don't have much to say, and if I did have more to say, I'd be too busy to say it. :)
Joanna I hope the best for you. relationships are a bitch.
Quote from: learningtolive on January 18, 2014, 06:42:41 AM
I know what you mean. The trans community is very diverse and we all have different interests and lifestyles. While I have no issue with transwomen that have wives and children, it's harder for me to relate. Sometimes age and lifestyles differences can make me feel like an outsider. There is nothing wrong with that; however, I wish I knew more transgirls that I could relate with. Then again, I do find a lot in common as well and do like everyone. Just wish there were more familiar faces and other girls that I could identify with easily.
In any case, I love the site and wish to help whenever I can. I just feel like things have changed and my place here is very different. I feel tentative about things. And I feel like I have very little to contribute and when I do feel like providing feedback, I'm afraid I'll be misunderstood or it will have some negative impact. I miss some of the older members and the past environment of the site. Then again, maybe it was me who changed and not the site.
And I know what you mean about passing as male. I feel like I'm coming closer to male fail mode and it's awesome but a little scary. Soon I'll no longer have a safety net and will have to just go full time because part time will be really hard to do once I cut and style my hair. It's exciting and amazing; yet reall nerve racking all at once.
I'm hoping all is well with you and your boyfriend. It sounds like you may need to vent, so don't hesistate to speak about it if it will help. Don't feel shy if it will make you feel better. One thing I would suggest regarless of your relationship is to focus on yourself. Going back to school or finding your dream career may be a good idea. Whether you are with him or not, it's always nice to know that you have security and stability. It's fine to love someone and to have a partnership, but it's also a good thing to know that you can survive on your own if need be. Honestly, I would be careful before depending on any guy for stability, even if you love and have faith in him.
This sums up my feelings. I like everybody. However I am not, and never have been in my life, interested in bra and panty topics lol. I am not interested in women, so I am also a little left out on those topics too. Ofc there is absolutely nothing wrong with being gay, it is awesome if you are gay. I don't think people shouldn't talk about whatever they want, I just feel like I don't have anything I can say. Which is fine.
Joanna, I am sorry about your boyfriend. I think you should work on your own independence, so you don't have to rely on anybody. Things can go wrong even in the best relationships, and when they do the woman is often left with no way to support herself because she was devoted to her SO while he was devoted to his work.
I'm fairly new to the site. What I value most is the diversity of opinions and experiences. I have always thought that I am managing my transition very well. But I am learning a lot of new coping strategies and fresh perspectives from others. Thank you!
One theme I picked up on in this discussion string: A lot of people feel sorrow when someone in the community simply drops off the map. Why did they do it? Are they OK? Is it intended as permanent or a break?
It is human nature to want a mourning process. Do we have a top-line category devoted to parting remarks? It might be useful to provide a space where people can tell others things like: why I'm leaving or taking a break; what I've gained from this site; people I've especially appreciated. Even bad break-ups benefit from a constructive sense of closure.
Quote from: TinaMadisonWhite on January 18, 2014, 12:47:03 PM
I'm fairly new to the site. What I value most is the diversity of opinions and experiences. I have always thought that I am managing my transition very well. But I am learning a lot of new coping strategies and fresh perspectives from others. Thank you!
One theme I picked up on in this discussion string: A lot of people feel sorrow when someone in the community simply drops off the map. Why did they do it? Are they OK? Is it intended as permanent or a break?
It is human nature to want a mourning process. Do we have a top-line category devoted to parting remarks? It might be useful to provide a space where people can tell others things like: why I'm leaving or taking a break; what I've gained from this site; people I've especially appreciated. Even bad break-ups benefit from a constructive sense of closure.
sounds like a good idea
I think the current members are just fine. Especially me. ;)
I had also noticed the "generational" cliques...I started my transition about Aug 2011, HRT Feb 2012, etc. Those who started near that time frame are of my "generation", and there is a point where we are happy with ourselves, and yet we feel we aren't able to adequately instruct/encourage the next generation (not for lack of trying, LOL...but our perception is that we aren't helping the conversation/topic develop)
Or for any number of reasons, we leave...and come back. It's not always due to hostilities, in my case my divorce was FINALLY finalized, and I got a gf, and finances took a downturn...so I have to carefully manage my time and other resources in order to stay on track for completion of my transition.
*hugs* to everyone!
:)
Quote from: Tori on January 18, 2014, 12:57:50 AM
Not a shock you do not relate.
Congrats on your surgery date BTW!
Let me ask you this: If everyone here, when you first joined, did not 'Relate' to you, would you still be here ?
We are a transient community. A community of well dressed hobos.
Kindly help the hop ons before you go.
:)
It was late and I was tired lol. I really meant that I've noticed a lot of people here are at their beginning and no many are into their transitions like I am. As for the whole changing of the guard I'll just say it happens, people come and go and I've noticed this forum seems to attract those just starting and are needing help the most. While those of us who are comfortable in poor loves leave as some don't need the support anymore but others still stay regardless.
Honestly, I don't get a lot of info here, I have gotten a little support from a couple people, they know who they are, but mostly I am here because I like the forum dynamic and I haven't come across another one that I like, not that I'm really looking though. for years, probably too many, I was a regular on a MySpace forum, primarily L&R. I am actually still friends with a few from there. It wasn't a trans forum, but I liked the type of interaction I got there for the most part. of course, I left it periodically as I have here, but after short breaks, I usually returned. Then they killed the forums and went with "threads" which were a dismal failure and finally they abandoned that kind of socializing altogether. Although the interaction there was usually more charged and newbs often ran for the hills before getting far, I enjoyed the variation in thought and discussion.
I'm not big on voicing my opinion on here nor do I do a lot of back patting, but that's just how I am. I figure most people don't want my advice anyway, they seem to prefer it from people that will tell them what they want to hear more than anything.
I don't even know how long I've actually been a member here, I think a couple years or so now, but can't tell for sure due to not having the original account or even recalling what username I had initially.
As to people leaving, sure some do, but some come back under different names or at least likely peek in as a guest periodically. Others have likely found other things to do, too busy with life or hold some silly grudge or two and simply can't play well with others.
Now this is about the longest post I think I have ever made here, so if you've made it this far, I feel for you.
Saying you can't relate to something is not the same as critiquing. We all have differences, but that doesn't mean we judge those who differ in some respect. There is a difference. Let's all save judgement of other people's lives to a more suitable forum and leave it off of a support site where it's not wanted.
Joanna is my friend and I don't think it's cool for anyone to judge her when she did nothing to ask for it. No one is judging you or your life, so can't you do the same? Is it really hard for everyone to get along? Whatever, I'm really not interested in fighting, so say what you will. I'm out.
Quote from: Nikko on January 18, 2014, 01:01:48 PM
I think the current members are just fine. Especially me. ;)
As one of those members who come and go, post sporadically and move back and forward between binaries I could be seen to be sitting on the fence. Perhaps I do sit on the fence from time to time but it isn't always easy to move forward (even if you do sense where forward is). For me this forum is a godsend. Knowing that we are all dealing with our lives in different ways but can come here to learn, share, respect and be supported is a beautiful thing. Seeing familiar names leave (many who unknowingly have made such a positive difference to my life), while a little sad, is also something to celebrate and to thank this forum and all it's members past and present for.
Quote from: Gerri_2013 on January 18, 2014, 02:28:42 PM
As one of those members who come and go, post sporadically and move back and forward between binaries I could be seen to be sitting on the fence. Perhaps I do sit on the fence from time to time but it isn't always easy to move forward (even if you do sense where forward is). For me this forum is a godsend. Knowing that we are all dealing with our lives in different ways but can come here to learn, share, respect and be supported is a beautiful thing. Seeing familiar names leave (many who unknowingly have made such a positive difference to my life), while a little sad, is also something to celebrate and to thank this forum and all it's members past and present for.
THAT is such a great point! The goal is to move on and be happy. I hope everyone does eventually. Except for a few, they have to stay forever. :)
Quote from: Gerri_2013 on January 18, 2014, 02:28:42 PM
As one of those members who come and go, post sporadically and move back and forward between binaries I could be seen to be sitting on the fence. Perhaps I do sit on the fence from time to time but it isn't always easy to move forward (even if you do sense where forward is). For me this forum is a godsend. Knowing that we are all dealing with our lives in different ways but can come here to learn, share, respect and be supported is a beautiful thing. Seeing familiar names leave (many who unknowingly have made such a positive difference to my life), while a little sad, is also something to celebrate and to thank this forum and all it's members past and present for.
it's made a big difference for me. It completely changed my perspective of the people that make up the trans community
I've been on this forum for almost 3 yrs (I think??), I find that I tend to go through periods where I feel burnt out from giving the same answers many times over. I don't post anywhere near as much as I used to because I often think that people must be getting bored of hearing me spout the same sob story over & over.
Even though I do not comment as often as I used to I do visit this site at least once a day to see what & who is new, I very frequently start to post a reply & realise that i've said the same thing many times over so I then decide to not post & allow others to offer a fresh perspective.
There have been times when this site has been a lifeline for me such as when I was in a hostel for the homeless, during that time I was constantly in the hostels computer room on this site looking for support & giving myself a break from the constant hostility in the hostel by trying to help others.
It seems that I post the most when i'm down as helping others makes me feel like i'm contributing something worthwhile to society.
I come & go but will always be a member here even if I seem to dissapear for long stretches of time.
One thing I'll say is that there are no special members and new members are just as valuable. It's just as an older member it's weird to see everyone you knew leave the site which can make you feel like an outsider. Sometimes it really is harder to relate with one person compared to another for whatever reason. Some people vibe or connect more with others. It's not the fault of others if someone doesn't relate with them; it just happens. For example, whenever I go to support groups, there are usually transwomen of a different generation and their circumstances/lifestyle differ from mine. I can find things in common and find a support structure from it, but often I do feel a bit like an outsider. That's no one's fault. And it's the same thing here. It's especially difficult when people you come to know disappear so frequently. Missing old friends that you relate with isn't the same as hating on those who are here (at least it isn't in my case). I like everyone here that is part of the site (and I mean that) and have learned something for everyone, but it's weird to see those who inspired me or started with me move on. Whether it should be or not, I find it jarring to be a senior member but that's not to say that I find any flaw with the site or it's members. It's just different. One day the new posters will likely feel the same and the circle will complete. What's ironic is that I would bet that in 3 months or so most of the posters that are in this very topic will likely disappear.
Gonna repeat what has been said - in communities, people come and go. This place is a bit different since it is a support site and I spose once you don't need that support any more, you move on. This is perhaps impacted more in that it is a personal support place and the issue raised over and over again are those closest to members and visitors.
I do not come from a background of seeking therapy (see a Psychologist and don't enjoy it much!!) and often wonder about the level of navel-gazing that goes on - it just doesn't seem to be of value (to me but hopefully it is to the poster). But that is just me. Post away and I'll continue to skim over those bits as I do when a ->-bleeped-<--fight starts.
I don't post much either as I really don't believe I have much to say - this post proves this!!! However, over the years, Susan's has become an immensely rich store of advice and information collected from a huge variety of experiences. This I do value even if those members are no longer here. I have a personal relationship with one MTF but not with regards to trans stuff. So actually, I have no real world trans contacts. Where the hell else would I learn about this stuff? Yep - archives!
Another thought - I was thinking about what my focus will be in a year or so and think I will have turned to more local issues such as marriage equality which is big in Australia at the moment but also marriage issues for trans couples. These are examples of where your focus might shift and why a place like this starts to offer less for those with a more local focus. That said, I do sorta miss some old "faces" but I really never knew them. I do wish everyone who moves on the very best and it saddens me to think that wish is not always granted.
Now...first coffee for the day ... and magic blue pills! :icon_geekdance: