Being transgender is one of the toughest obstacles anyone can face. We are prone to anxiety, depression and a suicide rate that is off the chart. There is a large segment of the population that would like to see us dismissed and marginalized, and another segment that would take it even further than that. Sometimes these ignorami turn out to be completely entwined within our lives, and because of that, there are some of us rely on this place for therapeutic healing, love, support, a break from a horrible reality or a shoulder to cry on. For me, it is mostly fear of the unknown that brings me here. The uncharted waters of transitioning and the feeling of flying blind can be a bit unnerving. I don't know what lies ahead for me, and flying by the seat of my pants is something I only have done on a guitar thus far. Transition can be scary, and hearing from people who have been there and done that can really help settle my nerves.
Lately I have noticed a change of atmosphere here that I have found unsettling. We've lost a lot of good people lately to the negativity, and I don't like the way things have been going either. I personally think this place should be kept positive, safe and always make you feel better when you leave. Lately it has had mostly the opposite effect on me. Too often I find myself more wound up, sad and angry because of just a handful of you who like to stir things up, bicker and one-up each other. Sadly, I have even found myself viewing the fray and being so flabbergasted that I even found the need to chime in a few times. There are plenty of places on the internet to do this, and I'd prefer this place to be somewhere where one can take a breather from that sort of thing. We need to stick together for a big group hug here, not become more polarized and divided over crap like politics, religion or even whom is more trans*. Again, there's plenty of places to be a fanatic on the internet and I feel this really should not be one of them. We do have a few really good moderators here, mind you, but clearly there are not enough of them to go around.
My last issue I will bring up is the +/- reputation system. It means different things to different people here and it never seems to be used consistently. For this reason, I believe it to be de facto meaningless and even potentially dangerous. Because of that I have never once hit up or down to anyone. Were there posts that I found helpful or meaningful? Absolutely. Hundreds, in fact. Were there posts I found insulting, offensive or just plain wrong? You bet. I shoot from the hip, I tell it like it is, and if you like it, great, if you don't, well, hit the -1 on me. It means nothing to me in the end. I have developed a pretty thick skin over my lifetime, and I am thankfully still here because I was able to summon that strength. What I fear is that due to the fact so many of us are very fragile, on the brink of ending it all and even already completely broken, a -1 could someday be the last straw that leads to a suicide. I would really hate to see someone silenced forever over flak from an ill-conceived post. I could also start using the system to illustrate how farcical it can be.
TL;DR I want to exchange warm fuzzies here, not cold pricklies. If things continue like they are, I'm going to need to pack it up and go. There are many of you whom I will miss dearly, but if the negativity outweighs the positive, I cannot in good conscience hang around much longer.
BTW- I don't like my posts edited or deleted without explanation either.
Quote from: Jill F on March 04, 2014, 03:35:23 PM
TL;DR I want to exchange warm fuzzies here, not cold pricklies.
I feel exactly the same way. I hope I'm not one of the ones who has been part of the fray. I love a good, friendly, political discussion, and I don't always remember to acknowledge the wisdom and good intentions of the person I'm disagreeing with.
Sending hugs your way. Thanks for telling us what's on your mind.
Well you said it yourself...we are prone to depression...
So its only natural if people sometimes get negative feelings...
Jill, I'll ignore the edited comment. In the future, please abide by rule 2.
Anyway, I don't know all of what upset you. But we do take these things seriously. Please keep in mind though that this is a support site for people dealing with very emotionally charged issues. Even on innocuous sites like game sites for instance, there are emotionally charged flare-ups. People disagree. People get angry. People get hurt. Anywhere a bunch of people gather, this will happen. It's unavoidable. This is a support site, but it is not immune to problems. In fact, given the nature of the serious issues, it may be even more prone to upsets. We've basically gathered a bunch of people here from different backgrounds, countries, generations, experiences etc under one roof united by one single issue they share. There are going to be disagreements.
I've been here a long time. At regular intervals, there are worries that the sky is falling in and there are rainclouds of negativity reported. This happened when I was a mod, this happened when I was a regular member, it happened before I got here and it will continue to happen after I'm gone. Actually, the worst that I remember happened years ago when I was a mod. And it was pretty bad. It's never going to be consistent smooth sailing here. People are going to disagree. Oftentimes, people get so upset over some minor thing, then those close to them get upset, then everyone's upset. It doesn't mean the sky is falling in. It doesn't mean the forum's taken a negative turn. It just means this is an emotional place, people share their souls and secrets here. Many here share things they have never shared with a soul in real life. People come here for support they can't get anywhere else. CEOs, politicians and other powerful people come here and share their demons. That's how emotionally charged this place is.
We can't prevent disagreements and upsets. The only way I can think of that would 'maybe' help prevent such would be to censor everything. That would undermine the support factor. We're already pretty strict. It's a delicate balance doling out 'punishment' on a support forum. I've had (and all the mods have had) people emailing us because they got a warning etc. and it made them feel bad and maybe set them over the edge. Our people here are vulnerable, every last one of us from the newest member to our admins. When we have a situation between members that seems ambiguous - who is right and who is wrong? Usually neither. It really does take two. And often in situations between two or more members, staff has insight on both others don't have. Anyone can have their opinion on a situation and what was done. But most often, they're not working with all the information we are.
There are always going to be people upset over staff actions or anything that happens here. That's just the way things go. Most often, there are people who didn't get their way and received a warning or whatever who feel wronged and want everyone to know it. Even so, the majority of people speaking against this site, our staff and me (and inflaming situations and spreading rumors) are either disgruntled former staff or people who applied for staff positions and did not receive them. I know, I'm the admin. I know who is former and wannabe staff. And sure, they're loud. That's it.
I'm sorry you've been feeling this way. I did feel the same way before and kind of do still. I got into a debate about religion and it got pretty heated but I realised the best thing to do is just walk away and stop replying to avoid it getting worse.
Anyways, I would hate to see you leave. I like your posts a lot, Jill.
A large barge pole comes in handy sometimes. I have the politics and the religion boards ignored in my profile for a reason. However, these beguiling and insidious topics still manage to bleed into the other boards and I feel powerless to read. It's like car-crash tv :laugh: BTW, the forum needs people like you. The more, the better.
Quote from: FA on March 04, 2014, 04:24:21 PM
Jill, I'll ignore the edited comment. In the future, please abide by rule 2.
Anyway, I don't know all of what upset you. But we do take these things seriously. Please keep in mind though that this is a support site for people dealing with very emotionally charged issues. Even on innocuous sites like game sites for instance, there are emotionally charged flare-ups. People disagree. People get angry. People get hurt. Anywhere a bunch of people gather, this will happen. It's unavoidable. This is a support site, but it is not immune to problems. In fact, given the nature of the serious issues, it may be even more prone to upsets. We've basically gathered a bunch of people here from different backgrounds, countries, generations, experiences etc under one roof united by one single issue they share. There are going to be disagreements.
I've been here a long time. At regular intervals, there are worries that the sky is falling in and there are rainclouds of negativity reported. This happened when I was a mod, this happened when I was a regular member, it happened before I got here and it will continue to happen after I'm gone. Actually, the worst that I remember happened years ago when I was a mod. And it was pretty bad. It's never going to be consistent smooth sailing here. People are going to disagree. Oftentimes, people get so upset over some minor thing, then those close to them get upset, then everyone's upset. It doesn't mean the sky is falling in. It doesn't mean the forum's taken a negative turn. It just means this is an emotional place, people share their souls and secrets here. Many here share things they have never shared with a soul in real life. People come here for support they can't get anywhere else. CEOs, politicians and other powerful people come here and share their demons. That's how emotionally charged this place is.
We can't prevent disagreements and upsets. The only way I can think of that would 'maybe' help prevent such would be to censor everything. That would undermine the support factor. We're already pretty strict. It's a delicate balance doling out 'punishment' on a support forum. I've had (and all the mods have had) people emailing us because they got a warning etc. and it made them feel bad and maybe set them over the edge. Our people here are vulnerable, every last one of us from the newest member to our admins. When we have a situation between members that seems ambiguous - who is right and who is wrong? Usually neither. It really does take two. And often in situations between two or more members, staff has insight on both others don't have. Anyone can have their opinion on a situation and what was done. But most often, they're not working with all the information we are.
There are always going to be people upset over staff actions or anything that happens here. That's just the way things go. Most often, there are people who didn't get their way and received a warning or whatever who feel wronged and want everyone to know it. Even so, the majority of people speaking against this site, our staff and me (and inflaming situations and spreading rumors) are either disgruntled former staff or people who applied for staff positions and did not receive them. I know, I'm the admin. I know who is former and wannabe staff. And sure, they're loud. That's it.
Thank you for posting this. I have been here a relatively short time and have not witnessed personally how it cycles. There have been several exchanges here over the last few weeks that have made me wonder what I'm even doing here and whether or not I am wasting my time and energy. There are plenty of places on the internet to discuss what divides us, but I don't see that as necessarily being a function of this place. I would think that the focus should be on healing and support and having people take away nothing but positive things. That being said, I read you 100%. It comes down to what is a balance of what is the lesser of two evils in the end. However, although we all come from different backgrounds and have differing views on many subjects, I would like to see us concentrate on what unites us and what we all have in common. We have enough problems as it is with acceptance, and fighting amongst each other will never advance us in the eyes of the world. At first I was taking away nothing but positive things here, feeling good about offering whatever help and wisdom I had to offer, sharing some levity and having pleasant exchanges. Lately I have just seen too many good people go for all the wrong (and possibly preventable) reasons. That makes me wonder if staying around is right for me as well. It has begun to be a net loss for me and I'd hate to need to feel I need to bail for good for my own sanity when I know it doesn't have to be that way.
And for the record, FA, I think would rather give myself an orchiectomy with a butter knife than be a moderator here and AG, you have never once irked me in any way.
I hope you stay. I understand if you feel you need to leave for yourself, totally get it, but even though we don't each other well, I have enjoyed your posts and advice. You are someone that is always a welcome and positive addition to the threads here and someone I am hoping to be friends with eventually.
Quote from: FA on March 04, 2014, 04:24:21 PM
Even so, the majority of people speaking against this site, our staff and me (and inflaming situations and spreading rumors) are either disgruntled former staff or people who applied for staff positions and did not receive them. I know, I'm the admin. I know who is former and wannabe staff. And sure, they're loud. That's it.
Well, I'm former staff and I've rarely had any complaints.
Sure, I may have been a tad moody and spazzed out as a result of that, but it was more about my moodiness than anything else.
Now, if you will excuse me, I have to find the lacertilia squamata, it IS worth 2000 points, ya know.
Quote from: FA on March 04, 2014, 04:24:21 PM
Even so, the majority of people speaking against this site, our staff and me (and inflaming situations and spreading rumors) are either disgruntled former staff or people who applied for staff positions and did not receive them. I know, I'm the admin. I know who is former and wannabe staff. And sure, they're loud. That's it.
Does this mean that stupid cold war is still going on?? I really wish that people would grow up and make amends. :-\
These are all fair points Jill, but please stay because I think you bring good things to the conversation.
I usually don't comment on the complaint threads, but I'd like to put on a hat different from what I usually do. I'm head of an organization with a volunteer staff of 7 (and growing) that is active in running two support groups in two states, and tend to find myself in the role of consultant for all the new groups that pop up in the DC/MD/NoVA area. And when I say "all," I do mean literally every single one that has started in the last two years. So I'd like to don my support group organizer/adviser hat for a moment and talk about how support groups work and try to apply that to a big site like this. I hope I can make this pretty generic and hopefully not overstep . . . I'm going to try.
Quote from: Jill F on March 04, 2014, 03:35:23 PM
Being transgender is one of the toughest obstacles anyone can face. We are prone to anxiety, depression and a suicide rate that is off the chart. There is a large segment of the population that would like to see us dismissed and marginalized, and another segment that would take it even further than that. Sometimes these ignorami turn out to be completely entwined within our lives, and because of that, there are some of us rely on this place for therapeutic healing, love, support, a break from a horrible reality or a shoulder to cry on. For me, it is mostly fear of the unknown that brings me here. The uncharted waters of transitioning and the feeling of flying blind can be a bit unnerving. I don't know what lies ahead for me, and flying by the seat of my pants is something I only have done on a guitar thus far. Transition can be scary, and hearing from people who have been there and done that can really help settle my nerves.
Lately I have noticed a change of atmosphere here that I have found unsettling. We've lost a lot of good people lately to the negativity, and I don't like the way things have been going either. I personally think this place should be kept positive, safe and always make you feel better when you leave.
I agree with you that this place should be safe. As you discuss very eloquently in your opening paragraph, trans* people are prone to depression, anxiety, suicide and a host of other maladies. They need a place to put those things, to talk about them, to think through them with the help of others, and just to be able to feel it without being alone. Sometimes there are losses and there is just a need to cry. When you have that going on, it is not realistic to think that the space will always be positive or always make you feel better when you leave. For that reason, I disagree that this place should always be positive and make you feel better. The fact that one can come here and sometimes almost hear the tears in people's voices when you read their writing means it's working. And because it's working, you can't always expect to leave feeling better.
It's also to be expected that people come and go. One of the big problems I see in the local support groups is that they are populated by people who come and who have been coming for years and years and years. As a result, they are closely knit circles that don't do very well at taking in newcomers. And they don't really do support anymore either. They are more like social clubs. If you want to go have a good time, go to those groups. They are kind of recreational. If you need a shoulder to cry on, or you are suicidal, or you just don't know what to do, then come to the ones my org runs. We do support instead of recreation. It's not very good recreation as a rule. And when people don't need us anymore, they tend to move on. And that's good.
Quote from: Jill F on March 04, 2014, 03:35:23 PM
Lately it has had mostly the opposite effect on me. Too often I find myself more wound up, sad and angry because of just a handful of you who like to stir things up, bicker and one-up each other. Sadly, I have even found myself viewing the fray and being so flabbergasted that I even found the need to chime in a few times. There are plenty of places on the internet to do this, and I'd prefer this place to be somewhere where one can take a breather from that sort of thing. We need to stick together for a big group hug here, not become more polarized and divided over crap like politics, religion or even whom is more trans*. Again, there's plenty of places to be a fanatic on the internet and I feel this really should not be one of them.
This, however, is a problem because it violates the "safe" part above. And it's a serious problem.
I do know what you mean. I seem to have my own person who likes to get not-so-subtle digs in at me whenever possible and I have had some experience with the bullies too. As a consequence. I don't feel safe to talk about my own issues anymore and many of the topics I started that people seem to most appreciate are topics that I genuinely regret having started at all. I haven't posted a thread in quite a while now and it's not because I have nothing I'd like to put forward for discussion. It's because I'm pretty committed to opening my vulnerable sides up as little as possible. But yet the bullies need support and space too.
At the end of the day, in a support space, protecting the safety of the space has to be paramount. Balancing that with the need to provide safe space to everyone who needs it can be a facilitator's nightmare. People often act out because they need the support, and you can't make the need and desire to obtain support into a bad thing. But at the same time, if someone is being disruptive and damaging the safe space for everyone else, that person is a threat to the integrity of the entire space. So you try to solve the problem in a way that is as gentle as possible.
Quote from: Jill F on March 04, 2014, 03:35:23 PM
We do have a few really good moderators here, mind you, but clearly there are not enough of them to go around.
I think this site has some of the better moderation that I've seen, but yes there are too few. I suspect that the moderators know that. It takes an awful lot of people to moderate a site this big. And keeping them all uniform in their understanding of how to moderate is difficult. For example, the fact that Susan's has numerous rules makes it complicated to keep track of what the rules are. If I could offer two suggestions for addressing this, I think they would be:
(1) Simplify. The rules are very complicated and some of them don't even appear to be written, which makes it hard for people to know about them and follow them. But if you make it simple and easy to know the rules, then that can make a moderator's job easier and a single moderator can cover more ground.
(2) Don't be afraid to ask for help. As far as I can see, all the staff positions at Susan's require a person to apply for them. That's fine. But if the staff sees someone who would be a good moderator/links administrator/whatever else, then talk about it among yourselves and ask them! This may, of course already be happening without me knowing. :)
Quote from: Jill F on March 04, 2014, 03:35:23 PM
My last issue I will bring up is the +/- reputation system. It means different things to different people here and it never seems to be used consistently. For this reason, I believe it to be de facto meaningless and even potentially dangerous. Because of that I have never once hit up or down to anyone. Were there posts that I found helpful or meaningful? Absolutely. Hundreds, in fact. Were there posts I found insulting, offensive or just plain wrong? You bet. I shoot from the hip, I tell it like it is, and if you like it, great, if you don't, well, hit the -1 on me. It means nothing to me in the end. I have developed a pretty thick skin over my lifetime, and I am thankfully still here because I was able to summon that strength. What I fear is that due to the fact so many of us are very fragile, on the brink of ending it all and even already completely broken, a -1 could someday be the last straw that leads to a suicide. I would really hate to see someone silenced forever over flak from an ill-conceived post. I could also start using the system to illustrate how farcical it can be.
As my signature block makes clear, I do not like the reputation system. I have two different feelings about it. On the one hand, it's a silly little thumbs up or thumbs down thing that is annoying in the way that an insect buzzing around my ear is annoying. But not a big deal.
But looking at this from a support and safe space perspective, I think it is a very big deal. One big thing about safety is creating a space that is free of judgment. I can find no other way to interpret the reputation system than a system of judgment. If a person is raising a question that is meaningful and touches on things you care about, give them a +1. If a person raises an issue that you don't think is important, then no matter how important that issue is to the person, you can just give them a -1. If someone states an opinion that you disagree with, give them a -1. If someone tells a truth you don't want to hear, give them a -1. Basically we complain a lot about judgmental people, but we set up a system specifically for being judgmental. The reputation system is wholly incompatible with safe space and being judgment free. In that way, it is a really big deal in a bad way.
I cannot think of any sort of positive for the system.
And I'm a person with a lot of +'s compared to my number of totals. And I know I'd have a lot more if not for my signature block. But that's okay. My words can speak for me. I don't need someone else to + me. If what I have to say is at all useful, then people will figure it out soon enough on their own. :)
Quote from: Jill F on March 04, 2014, 03:35:23 PM
TL;DR I want to exchange warm fuzzies here, not cold pricklies. If things continue like they are, I'm going to need to pack it up and go. There are many of you whom I will miss dearly, but if the negativity outweighs the positive, I cannot in good conscience hang around much longer.
For what it's worth, Susan's is the best trans* support site that I know of. It has room for improvement. So do all places. So do the support groups I'm involved in running. That's okay. I hope that I've done a bit to offer some ways in which improvement could happen so that we can take that step from discussing a problem to finding a solution. In that respect I hope I've been helpful.
Quote from: Laura Squirrel on March 04, 2014, 05:33:20 PM
Quote from: FA on March 04, 2014, 04:24:21 PM
Even so, the majority of people speaking against this site, our staff and me (and inflaming situations and spreading rumors) are either disgruntled former staff or people who applied for staff positions and did not receive them. I know, I'm the admin. I know who is former and wannabe staff. And sure, they're loud. That's it.
Well, I'm former staff and I've rarely had any complaints.
Sure, I may have been a tad moody and spazzed out as a result of that, but it was more about my moodiness than anything else.
Now, if you will excuse me, I have to find the lacertilia squamata, it IS worth 2000 points, ya know.
Definitely not you hon. Sure you spazz out occasionally. :laugh:
Quote from: FA on March 04, 2014, 05:56:14 PM
Definitely not you hon. Sure you spazz out occasionally. :laugh:
Oh, yeah. I'm guilty of that.
I didn't find the lacertilia squamata, after all.....Friggin Leland.
Honestly, the best thing I can recommend is to try and avoid the drama if it drags you down. I love this place dearly and it's helped me in so many ways, but sometimes I do get caught up in the drama that makes it's mark here. From what I've learned, it's often not worth it and I regret getting involved when I do. You create bad blood with people you like and create a negative stain on something that ought to be a postive place for us all. Discussing something in a respectful manner is fine, but arguments or bickering is rarely productive. Of course, it's still a learning process for me to determine which is which and sometimes it can be challenging to prevent my emotions from getting the best of me. Something that I'm always working on bettering.
Really don't let the little bad things ruin a great site for you. While every site has it's problems, I say the negatives are heavily outweighed by the positives. There are so many great people to learn from and share experiences with, especially nice for those of us who really don't have another outlet to discuss trans issues with. That beats any individual day of drama or minor disputes in my book. In any event, I really hope you don't leave for any of these bad feelings you have and would like to personally apologize if I ever contributed to them.
I also pointed out once in a different thread that I've seen what a lot of people fear happen to another site I was active on. It went from the warm, supportive, family atmosphere that is this site to a den of trolls and bickering. Main reason for this is the lack of punishments/warning systems. The site founder didn't like to ban. Only spambots got banned. The Mods could verbally reprimand a problem member, but nothing more really. Some members eventually realized this, and that spread throughout.
This site and its staff is very different from that. I've seen members that were being particularly offensive get themselves muted, and there is a strong atmosphere of actively protecting that safe, supportive atmosphere.
As FA said, any large community is going to have spats. Hell, any small group is going to have spats. Friends, family, it happens. People disagree, sometimes passionately, sometimes not so passionately as opposed to had a bad day and wasn't able to bite their tongue as well as they normally do. It happens. You can't avoid it. Even prolonged solitude will cause you to go a bit nuts and have to deal with the the growing disagreement between the lamp and the doorknob.
And as you mentioned, this community has a lot it has to deal with. We take a lot of crap. That wears people down, and causes a lot of people to not always be able keep their emotions in check or their annoyance. People have bad days, we have a lot of them. And often times a bad day can unintentionally be taken out on someone innocent. While that's no excuse, a little understanding on the other half's part can go a long way to avoiding a spat. We're all just human.
For the most part, these are going to work themselves out without needing to step in. And Staff have the job of not being too restrictive, while making sure it doesn't cross the line. But when it comes to things that do cross that line, I've seen the mods and admins step in and shut it down, or remove it completely. I have faith in them being on top of things and keeping this place safe and supportive.
I tend to lurk for the most part and I've seen some pretty messed up things. I'm not talking about people talking bad about the site but rather people who are arguing and bickering over simple things. I've seen people make assumptions about people and some of this negativity has come from the current staff. I like using the site as a source of information and to get a feel for how other view a certain issues. I like to give advice to those I can and help them but right now I have mixed feelings.
Quote from: ThePhoenix on March 04, 2014, 05:51:10 PM
Quote from: Jill F on March 04, 2014, 03:35:23 PM
We do have a few really good moderators here, mind you, but clearly there are not enough of them to go around.
I think this site has some of the better moderation that I've seen, but yes there are too few. I suspect that the moderators know that. It takes an awful lot of people to moderate a site this big. And keeping them all uniform in their understanding of how to moderate is difficult. For example, the fact that Susan's has numerous rules makes it complicated to keep track of what the rules are. If I could offer two suggestions for addressing this, I think they would be:
(1) Simplify. The rules are very complicated and some of them don't even appear to be written, which makes it hard for people to know about them and follow them. But if you make it simple and easy to know the rules, then that can make a moderator's job easier and a single moderator can cover more ground.
(2) Don't be afraid to ask for help. As far as I can see, all the staff positions at Susan's require a person to apply for them. That's fine. But if the staff sees someone who would be a good moderator/links administrator/whatever else, then talk about it among yourselves and ask them! This may, of course already be happening without me knowing. :)
Well, I guess it's okay to admit we're short-handed. There were some inter-staff problems a few months ago and some people had to be let go. To prevent similar issues in the future, I've been re-vamping things. I've realized it takes a certain personality for this job. And it's largely a thankless job that most probably don't want. We need dedicated volunteers. Unfortunately, some of the people most eager for the job are the most unsuited. We're not looking for hall monitors or traffic cops. Or for people who blindly administer penalties without thought for context. This is a support site, and so we can't deal with members like traffic offenders. If your (impersonal you) idea of moderating is penalizing someone who dropped one '->-bleeped-<-' in an 800 word emotional vent post, then you're not a good fit for us. Yes, we don't allow profanity. But we don't want traffic cops. I'm not editing every single ->-bleeped-<- from the board. (Now a bunch of successive ->-bleeped-<-s in a post well...)
Basically, we need people who know there's a balance between support and policing. People who can use their common sense. And our current mods are good at this (as are most of our former mods who retired on their own). We need people who are empathetic and care about the members. A former mod probably summed it up best when she said that the best candidates are those who have the power, but really don't want to use it.
But we also need people who can remain objective and not get personally involved. We have members going off on us and blaming a warning or whatever they received from us for everything from their falling off the wagon to their suicide attempt. So, yeah, you've got to be in a place where you can deal with stuff like that. Members are going to get mad and blame you for everything under the sun for doing your job. So, yeah, you've got to really want to do this.
We also need loyalty and someone who can follow the rules themselves.
Also important is people who can get along behind the scenes. Staff who can disagree with each other and not let it get any further. If I had to pick the most important trait for this job (or really any job), it would be someone who is not afraid to apologize. Someone who is the first to apologize if it will keep the peace. Someone who sees relationships as more important than being right. Someone who can let things go. Someone who can speak their mind, but let it go if overruled. Our current mods are good at this (and many former mods are as well). We just need more.
A lot of these are traditionally feminine attributes, so I've tended to look at female identified people, but a guy exhibiting these traits is just as welcome.
oh wow, sorry this seems to have turned into an ad. :laugh: Well, we're open for volunteers, but we're already looking at several volunteers (I just haven't interrogated them yet), so don't feel bad if someone ahead of you gets the job. But yeah, this is the person we're looking for. If you think that's you, let me know.
I for one will never leave this family as it quite literally saved my life and I owe a debt of gratitude I can never repay. Jill I would miss you so much if you leave. Your humor broke me out of feeling sorry for myself many times and I appreciate it a lot. If you go know that I will miss you and hope to hear from you one day in the future. :(
That has to be the best description of a moderator I've read.
I've moderated before for a roleplay board, and a yeah, the part of recognizing the balance between support and balancing. I've run across a number of people that naturally just seem to walk the line between what is okay and what isn't, not purposely and not crossing. It's important to recognize when someone is close to the line without going over it as well. And that isn't always as clear cut as it sounds.
I tend to have a lot of respect for staff knowing the headache it can be.
P.S. Just kinda realized that might sound like I'm waving my hand saying "hey, I'd be good as a staff." Not what I am doing. I'm a nervous-wreck atm moment stuck in the limbo as I wait to begin transitioning. So, at least for now, probably not remotely an ideal choice. Maybe later in the year when I've started transitioning and things have normaled out some, but not at the moment.
Not going to really join in on the debate about the site and stuff. I just wanted to say it would be sad to see you leave Jill. I enjoy your posts and comments on things. Plus you've met (read: got drunk with) Slash which makes you a rather awesome lady in my book. I understand how you feel about the drama and arguments. It's part of the reason I tend to lurk instead of post unless it's something not drama related. I do also understand this is a place where people vent and get things off their chest. Hopefully you stick around but if you can't then you cant. Also wanted to add I don't get the whole +/- thing but oh well there are many things I don't understand.
I think you should stay around Jill, you need support just as much as anyone else and I have often enjoyed your posts
It would be a shame to lose you because of some political bully
I understand how you feel Jill. I had similar thoughts, but thought it was just me. I'm kinda thin skinned. For me leaving due to someone else's behavior seems like it's punishing yourself. There isn't much support or community for us. This site allows you to interact and share with persons with similar problems and victories. My solution was to step back and not participate as much. For me it was a better solution than leaving. It's not perfect , but I can say it would be a loss for this community if you left us.
Quote from: V M on March 04, 2014, 08:21:03 PM
I think you should stay around Jill, you need support just as much as anyone else and I have often enjoyed your posts
It would be a shame to lose you because of some political bully
Actually that wasn't quite what prompted me to say what I thought needed said today, but that was certainly an example of some of the things that happen here that I have developed a particular distaste for and think could stand some improvement. My thoughts about this infighting have been brewing for several weeks now, but I finally was made so angry about someone's disgusting ad hominem attack (actually directed at someone else) last week that was left unmoderated for long enough that I finally got mad enough to feel the need to get under someone else's skin. It's a symptom of an atmosphere that has been allowed to become a bit too toxic for my taste. I don't want to be the person who ends up sending an at-risk person over the edge, and felt like I had finally actually become part of what I consider to be the problem. I just want for us to be a happier family and for the wedge-driving to cease. We aren't always going to agree about everything, but when people are in your face about them being right and you being wrong so often, I start to wonder if my time here is best spent elsewhere. We need to advance ourselves in this world, and infighting will never accomplish that.
Most of you are awesome, BTW.
Jill I sincerely hope you stay and also hope I have not been part of the fray. You have given me great advice and you would be another one of those good people we lost if you left :-\
Kisses,
Kayla
Quote from: Jill F on March 04, 2014, 08:45:32 PM
Quote from: V M on March 04, 2014, 08:21:03 PM
I think you should stay around Jill, you need support just as much as anyone else and I have often enjoyed your posts
It would be a shame to lose you because of some political bully
Actually that wasn't quite what prompted me to say what I thought needed said today, but that was certainly an example of some of the things that happen here that I have developed a particular distaste for and think could stand some improvement. My thoughts about this infighting have been brewing for several weeks now, but I finally was made so angry about someone's disgusting ad hominem attack (actually directed at someone else) last week that was left unmoderated for long enough that I finally got mad enough to feel the need to get under someone else's skin. It's a symptom of an atmosphere that has been allowed to become a bit too toxic for my taste. I don't want to be the person who ends up sending an at-risk person over the edge, and felt like I had finally actually become part of what I consider to be the problem. I just want for us to be a happier family and for the wedge-driving to cease. We aren't always going to agree about everything, but when people are in your face about them being right and you being wrong so often, I start to wonder if my time here is best spent elsewhere. We need to advance ourselves in this world, and infighting will never accomplish that.
Most of you are awesome, BTW.
Well, like I mentioned, we are short handed. And even when we're not, we don't always see everything. If you see something, just report it. Reporting something doesn't always mean we'll agree it's a problem, but it does it bring it to our attention. Even if we don't see a need for action at that time, it's still on record should there be future problems with the member.
Hugs. I'm sorry you had to deal with those things.
But you are definitely not part of the problem. As I've said, and many other have said too. You're a great and wonderful addition to this site and I've enjoyed your posts, your personality and your input you've shared throughout the forums. It would be a shame to see you go.
Hello everyone who has chimed in on this today and those who are reading,
A few thoughts...
Thank you all for the kind words. I actually had no idea that I meant this much to the trans* comm-unity here. Many of you warmed my heart in a way I think I really needed today. I am glad I have actually helped so many of you through your daily struggles, as many have helped me.
Perhaps if we could all try to always offer each other moral support instead of trying to tear each other down, many more of us would be inclined to participate more often. I would hate to see this forum turn into a place where who is right has been determined by who is left. There are plenty of places on the internet to argue, and I just don't see this as one of them.
This place has so much potential to save and improve lives that I have been convinced to stick around. That being said, there are things here that I will avoid from now on- religion, politics, trolling, any hot-button issues and the +/- buttons.
Now who wants cookies? I'm baking a fresh batch.
Quote from: Jill F on March 04, 2014, 09:45:12 PM
This place has so much potential to save and improve lives that I have been convinced to stick around. Now who wants cookies? I'm baking a fresh batch.
Thank you so much Jill! I am sooooo happy! :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
Any double chocolate chip cookies left? ???
Quote from: Jessica Merriman on March 04, 2014, 09:48:43 PM
Thank you so much Jill! I am sooooo happy! :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
Any double chocolate chip cookies left? ???
I ate the last one some time ago, that's why I'm making more. How did you know about the double part? ;)
Quote from: Jill F on March 04, 2014, 09:55:25 PM
I ate the last one some time ago, that's why I'm making more. How did you know about the double part? ;)
We're girl's silly! Chocolate is our Zen thing. *giggles* ;D
Jill-
I have been on this board for almost 6 years now (wow, where did all of that time go?). I've watched people (some in this very thread) evolve into who they are today from a very different starting point (myself included). I have seen people come and people go - sometimes I stumble across an old thread and I'm shocked at the people that I knew that posted in that thread; people that used to be super active members here but have now faded into oblivion. I've seen some very ugly times on this board; fighting, cattiness, snide remarks..... people not on their best behavior and seemingly going out of their way to hurt others; times when I became so disgusted that I swore that I was done here and that I'd never come back. Maybe like you are feeling now.
And yes, there were times where I felt I was not welcome here for various reasons that I won't get into here. Suffice it to say that the board was in an extreme state of upheaval because of a few members. I have been dressed down and ridiculed by certain "elite" members (one in particular) that apparently did not think too much of me or what I had to say.
But i still hang around. Why? Because I am going through the scariest thing i've ever faced in my life right now, and my friends and support system are here. If I stumble and fall I know that there are always people with an outstretched hand and a kind word here. Susan's is a home for me, and I feel free to explore myself and my feelings here. I don't know of another support website that offers what susan's does. I'd also like to think that I can offer some useful help to others from time to time; sort of paying it forward.
I have also learned over the years to identify threads that are dynamite and I stay out of them. Threads that will push my buttons. Life is too short to argue about some of the things that get argued about here IMO, and at the end of the day it's all posturing and no one's mind is changed.
I have taken some breaks from the site before when it all became too much. It's hard to deal with trans overload 24x7; sometimes you just need to stop and go do something else to keep from getting burned out. Maybe that is where you are now.
One thing that is a constant on this board is change. The things that aggravate you today may well be gone tomorrow, or the next day. Sometimes it takes a bit longer than that to change, but it always changes.
Instead of leaving permanently maybe you just need to take a break and go get some sunshine and fresh air. You are just too cool to lose Jill.
And if you left, who would update the Jill-isms thread? :)
Take care my friend-
~Eva
I think avoiding those topics is wise. I tend to avoid too. Most I've done in participation of any was add some interesting history tidbits. Cuz history is interesting.
Cookies are good. So is moral support.
I think we can all strive to take a step back and ask ourselves if "posting this is necessary, does it help or support another person, does it bring anything positive to the forum? Or is it putting someone in their place, or defending my opinion? If so why do I need to defend my opinion? Was someone just sharing a differing opinion?"
I think a lot can be avoided if people take a breath and examine the motivation for posting and asking themselves it if is a constructive positive post.
Quote from: Colleen♡Callie on March 04, 2014, 10:03:11 PM
I think avoiding those topics is wise. I tend to avoid too. Most I've done in participation of any was add some interesting history tidbits. Cuz history is interesting.
Cookies are good. So is moral support.
I think we can all strive to take a step back and ask ourselves if "posting this is necessary, does it help or support another person, does it bring anything positive to the forum? Or is it putting someone in their place, or defending my opinion? If so why do I need to defend my opinion? Was someone just sharing a differing opinion?"
I think a lot can be avoided if people take a breath and examine the motivation for posting and asking themselves it if is a constructive positive post.
^This^ Nice post.
Thank you.
I think we as people too often get caught up in our own drama and crap happening in our lives, we forget to take a step back and consider what drama and crap the other person has been going through. We tend to forget they are going through a lot of the same thing we are, or perhaps more if they're in a less accepting area. It goes a long way to be understanding and respectful of someone that might forget this as well. No reason we have to rise to the insult or harsh words back.
A lot of things can be solved by getting a new perspective.
I was kinda hoping for a biscotti 8)
Quote from: V M on March 04, 2014, 10:21:03 PM
I was kinda hoping for a biscotti 8)
There's always that one person :P.
Actually I don't think I've ever had biscotti. What does it taste like?
Quote from: Colleen♡Callie on March 04, 2014, 10:24:18 PM
There's always that one person :P.
Actually I don't think I've ever had biscotti. What does it taste like?
A chocolate chip cookie with not quite enough sugar? LOL
Quote from: Jill F on March 04, 2014, 10:27:37 PM
A chocolate chip cookie with not quite enough sugar? LOL
I'll um, stick to the double chocolate chip cookies then.
Quote from: Jamie D on March 04, 2014, 10:29:02 PM
Serious topic, flippant response.
Or, injecting some humor to lighten things up. Often times doing so can help ease any tension. It is something employed by storytellers everywhere and is quite effective. Not all humor in a serious post is automatically a flippant response. And I suspect more often than not the intent is far from flippant.
Quote from: Colleen♡Callie on March 04, 2014, 10:24:18 PM
There's always that one person :P.
Actually I don't think I've ever had biscotti. What does it taste like?
It is a double baked almond cookie originating from Prato, Italy - Really tasty when made correctly and goes well with coffee
Biscotti (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Biscotti)
Quote from: Jamie D on March 04, 2014, 10:29:02 PM
Serious topic, flippant response.
Quote from: Colleen♡Callie on March 04, 2014, 10:34:11 PM
Or, injecting some humor to lighten things up. Often times doing so can help ease any tension. It is something employed by storytellers everywhere and is quite effective. Not all humor in a serious post is automatically a flippant response. And I suspect more often than not the intent is far from flippant.
Yup, just chillin' with Jill and trying to relieve some of the heavy
Quote from: Colleen♡Callie on March 04, 2014, 10:34:11 PM
Or, injecting some humor to lighten things up. Often times doing so can help ease any tension. It is something employed by storytellers everywhere and is quite effective.
True. I've used that same device when writing fics. It usually makes for a funnier part when it is contrasted by a more serious part beforehand. It just depends on where the story is going.
Quote from: Jill F on March 04, 2014, 10:27:37 PM
A chocolate chip cookie with not quite enough sugar? LOL
Yup! She's OK now.
Quote from: Laura Squirrel on March 04, 2014, 10:50:14 PM
True. I've used that same device when writing fics. It usually makes for a funnier part when it is contrasted by a more serious part beforehand. It just depends on where the story is going.
Yep. It's an extremely important storytelling tool. Breaking the tension prevents the audience from burning out or becoming uncomfortably tense, and thus keeps them invested. You want to entertain them, take them on a journey, not stress them out. Not to mention breaking the tension often lets you increase it even more than if you hadn't broken it.
the biggest and most common criticism of the reimagined Battlestar Galactica I've heard was how unrelentingly dark, tense and serious it was. It put people off and drove them away.
The best way I've heard it put is when things are at their most tension, the audience is in the most need of a laugh. The same rule applies for life a lot.
Do you post your fiction anywhere?
I could not have gotten through my career without humor. Granted it was DARK humor, but in periods of great stress it kept us from going nuts.
Quote from: Colleen♡Callie on March 04, 2014, 11:01:57 PM
Yep. It's an extremely important storytelling tool. Breaking the tension prevents the audience from burning out or becoming uncomfortably tense, and thus keeps them invested. You want to entertain them, take them on a journey, not stress them out. Not to mention breaking the tension often lets you increase it even more than if you hadn't broken it.
the biggest and most common criticism of the reimagined Battlestar Galactica I've heard was how unrelentingly dark, tense and serious it was. It put people off and drove them away.
The best way I've heard it put is when things are at their most tension, the audience is in the most need of a laugh. The same rule applies for life a lot.
Do you post your fiction anywhere?
I haven't posted on any fanfiction sites or anything yet. I don't know if I will or not. I've mostly been PM'ing them to a select few people. It's a series of fanfiction based around the Get Along Gang (but they are high school age rather than grade school age as they originally were.) I'm also doing an original series with the original characters from the fanfics (but certain things are altered, like in the fanfics, there's a porcupine transgirl, but in the original series, she's a genetic female. There's other things changed here and there but I could write all day talking about this. :D
I don't think I've ever heard of the Get Along Gang, actually.
Quote from: Colleen♡Callie on March 04, 2014, 11:22:52 PM
I don't think I've ever heard of the Get Along Gang, actually.
Look it up on Youtube. There are still several episodes on there. It was a cartoon series in the mid 1980s.
I hope I am not one of them that has angered you....but I am sure by me posting the thread should end. It seems to be that I'm a thread killer!! usually when I post, it either never gets a reply or kills the thread! :(
I thought I would try and kill this thread for you....this way all this nonsense talk of you leaving can stop :) :)
You are awesome please don't go!
Well the discussion seems to have moved on to cookies, but I hope you stick around Jill! :)
Personally I just steer well clear of anything to do with religion, politics, guns, medical insurance, etc - no argument was ever won by anyone on any Internet forum in the history of Internet forums so I don't know why people persist in trying!
Quote from: Ms Grace on March 05, 2014, 12:33:51 AM
Well the discussion seems to have moved on to cookies, but I hope you stick around Jill! :)
Personally I just steer well clear of anything to do with religion, politics, guns, medical insurance, etc - no argument was ever won by anyone on any Internet forum in the history of Internet forums so I don't know why people persist in trying!
You are awesome, Ms. Grace, and wise as well. Have as many cookies as you want!
Well as someone who has done a bit of modding here and being a member since 2008 I have also seen stuff happen, people go people come and we roll along.
Modding isn't the easiest job. You never get it right, personally I just hope I can correct my mistakes and learn from them.
Yes I have missed posts that I regret, but as a poor excuse I have a job and I have other interests. I as we all have, my own problems and sometimes I have to hide and deal with them.
I try and read most posts but I do miss some and some I know will trigger me and I read them with one eye closed hoping I don't get hurt.
I will add to what FA said. This is your site, if you see things you don't like report them, don't post in anger, report the post or pm one of the mods. We do try, of that I can assure you.
Jill please don't leave, all that does is allow people who are unfortunate in their opinion to gain some degree of acceptance for silly comments, instead of an opportunity to learn and grow from those who do accept each other.
I keep going in the thought that if we can't learn how to accept each other, what hope have we of teaching none transgender people to accept us and to treat us as normal beautiful people.
Quote from: Jill F on March 05, 2014, 01:57:51 AM
You are awesome, Ms. Grace, and wise as well. Have as many cookies as you want!
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.stronggirlswin.com%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2013%2F09%2Fcookie-nom-nom.jpg&hash=d111e3e9430e5c655052d9e7ca0030271ea45974)
;D
Quote from: Jill F on March 04, 2014, 09:45:12 PM
Hello everyone who has chimed in on this today and those who are reading,
A few thoughts...
Thank you all for the kind words. I actually had no idea that I meant this much to the trans* comm-unity here. Many of you warmed my heart in a way I think I really needed today. I am glad I have actually helped so many of you through your daily struggles, as many have helped me.
Perhaps if we could all try to always offer each other moral support instead of trying to tear each other down, many more of us would be inclined to participate more often. I would hate to see this forum turn into a place where who is right has been determined by who is left. There are plenty of places on the internet to argue, and I just don't see this as one of them.
This place has so much potential to save and improve lives that I have been convinced to stick around. That being said, there are things here that I will avoid from now on- religion, politics, trolling, any hot-button issues and the +/- buttons.
Now who wants cookies? I'm baking a fresh batch.
Glad you have decided to stick around
Hugs
Where are the bulk of this catfights occuring? Not that I want to read them, because I don't, but I would love to know which forums (or subforums) to avoid. I have enough drama of my own to worry about, and right now this and another site are the ONLY support I am getting. Try being stuck in a marriage that doesn't welcome trans, fifty miles from the nearest support group, with no therapist, no HRT and little income :)
I've noticed a more hostile tone here as of late as well. In particular, I've seen a lot of political arguments spilling outside of the politics section. These, I find, tend to be particularly toxic.
Now about those cookies...
Quote from: JenSquid on March 05, 2014, 12:09:01 PM
Now about those cookies...
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi895.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fac158%2Fnapalmdeathfan13591%2FRandom%2520Pics%2520n%2520Stuff%2FGet%2520Along%2520Gang%2520Screenshots%2FGetAlongGangCookies.jpg&hash=1b614dbc2a6dc643b8174391db4c6a84cb5dd3aa)
There you go.
Quote from: Ms Grace on March 05, 2014, 12:33:51 AM
Personally I just steer well clear of anything to do with religion, politics, guns, medical insurance, etc - no argument was ever won by anyone on any Internet forum in the history of Internet forums so I don't know why people persist in trying!
Same, and good tactic. It's best to just stray away from the negativity those kinds of posts may bring. Sometimes people just won't see things from any other perspective but there own, then again it's hard to be unbiased trying to win an argument. Idk just seems kinda lame so I'll keep from ever treading there.
Jill F, I think your a very cool woman, with a knack for lightening things up and settling things down, and making me laugh of course! ;D
Glad to see your staying with us! :)
I notice that posting in some threads can get impersonal. When you post something to a thread then see that your post has not been acknowledged/talked about/endorsed/confirmed/argued/etc, it feels rather rejecting :icon_cry:. I'm not actually crying but it's not as personal as I like it to be. It just feels like some post that someone wrote. The only threads that do get more personal are threads like this or where the OP asks for help and you offer them help. At least they acknowledge your posts!
I could just go to a real-life transgender/transsexual group so people can actually see each other and have a richer communication, but I just love writing about my thoughts in a trans* safe environment!
Quote from: valsharae on March 11, 2014, 11:16:06 PM
I notice that posting in some threads can get impersonal. When you post something to a thread then see that your post has not been acknowledged/talked about/endorsed/confirmed/argued/etc, it feels rather rejecting :icon_cry:. I'm not actually crying but it's not as personal as I like it to be. It just feels like some post that someone wrote. The only threads that do get more personal are threads like this or where the OP asks for help and you offer them help. At least they acknowledge your posts!
I could just go to a real-life transgender/transsexual group so people can actually see each other and have a richer communication, but I just love writing about my thoughts in a trans* safe environment!
Meh...if someone doesn't respond to something that I say....Meh...so what?
Honestly, I went to our local LGBT support group and you could hear a frickin pin drop every time that I went there. I could have a more enriching conversation talking to myself. :D
lol
See, if I say what I think is a really good idea about gender in some thread, I get crickets afterwards. If I say that to someone who's trans* friendly, they'll show some sort of nonverbal or verbal confirmation that it exists. That's the kind of confirmation I'm seeking that may be hard to do in a forum setting. So, it's like saying "hi" then getting no response in some threads. I'm like "did I just say something bad or are they just shy or my idea is soooo good that it doesn't need any comments?" It's just my personal gripe with the way forums in general are set up. I would say I'm just seeking a more intimate communication
Quote from: valsharae on March 12, 2014, 12:03:35 AM
lol
See, if I say what I think is a really good idea about gender in some thread, I get crickets afterwards. If I say that to someone who's trans* friendly, they'll show some sort of nonverbal or verbal confirmation that it exists. That's the kind of confirmation I'm seeking that may be hard to do in a forum setting. So, it's like saying "hi" then getting no response in some threads. I'm like "did I just say something bad or are they just shy or my idea is soooo good that it doesn't need any comments?" It's just my personal gripe with the way forums in general are set up. I would say I'm just seeking a more intimate communication
IRC chats and I.M. stuff might be more yer speed if that's what you are looking for.
Just a suggestion.
Yeah, that's what I was thinking. I will check that out
Quote from: valsharae on March 12, 2014, 12:03:35 AM
See, if I say what I think is a really good idea about gender in some thread, I get crickets afterwards.
Sometimes it's just that there are only so many times you can respond to the same question or observation which has been written over numerous threads every month or so. The most rest thread asking about "where did you get your name" I chose to bypass since I'd answered in the previous three threads asking the same. Etc!
I have been looking at stuff over on ->-bleeped-<-. The hrt timeline threads there are realy inspirational! (But you have to watch out for people pretending to be transitioning (or having been doing it for some time) and using cis pictures. What i especially like is people comment on your thread, about you, instead of trying to make a community thread into their thread. Just be prepared for feedback from cis and non-trans folks. :laugh:
@Ms Grace
I see, I see
@thevaliantx
Yeah, ->-bleeped-<-'s pretty nice. I love how the community over there are supportive of trans* people. There was even one thread where a post-op MtF showed pictures of her new labia and everyone was supportive of her
http://www.->-bleeped-<-.com/r/IAmA/comments/1m3ts3/
I like the way ->-bleeped-<- is setup where if you want to reply to a post to the main topic, it becomes like a little thread of its own. If you go to the ->-bleeped-<- threads, you'll see what I'm talking about
I was told Susan's place was like a family. Rather than Susan's house, it feels more like Susan's city. It doesn't have the feel of a close-knit community, but rather more like a city-like feel. Everyone's doing their own thing and they only like you if you're similar to them.
Quote from: valsharae on March 17, 2014, 11:17:21 PM
I was told Susan's place was like a family. Rather than Susan's house, it feels more like Susan's city. It doesn't have the feel of a close-knit community, but rather more like a city-like feel. Everyone's doing their own thing and they only like you if you're similar to them.
To quote Elizabeth Ferguson: "My family isn't even family".
Honestly, most internet "communities" aren't going to be that close. That's just the way it is. Yeah, some friendships may form out of them, but for the most part, it's just a bunch of people with one or two commonalities that happen to be on the same forum.
As far as the last part is concerned: In all of the time I've been here (under different accounts), I've come across a lot of people that I thought were pretty cool, but I knew only two people that I even came close to having anything in common with as far as interests were concerned. Most people around here had/have no idea what the hell I am talking about most of the time. :D (Until I launch into my many instances of blabbing.)
Quote from: valsharae on March 17, 2014, 11:17:21 PM
I was told Susan's place was like a family. Rather than Susan's house, it feels more like Susan's city. It doesn't have the feel of a close-knit community, but rather more like a city-like feel. Everyone's doing their own thing and they only like you if you're similar to them.
I could not agree more. I simply feel that I do not relate to anyone here. All my life I have felt I was on the outside, looking in. That feeling has not changed here at Susan's. Often I feel that most here either don't have a lot to lose in transitioning, or they lost everything and are the past the point of caring because they have a new life to worry about. I almost deleted my account yesterday, but decided to wait it out a bit longer.
Quote from: thevaliantx on March 18, 2014, 02:13:45 AM
I could not agree more. I simply feel that I do not relate to anyone here. All my life I have felt I was on the outside, looking in. That feeling has not changed here at Susan's. Often I feel that most here either don't have a lot to lose in transitioning, or they lost everything and are the past the point of caring because they have a new life to worry about. I almost deleted my account yesterday, but decided to wait it out a bit longer.
Please don't think that. I relate to you. I care about you and I want you to thrive. I want to ease this pain for you in any way I can. We are all unique, but we all have suffered from GD. I'm still here, BTW.
Quote from: Jill F on March 18, 2014, 03:14:25 AM
Please don't think that. I relate to you. I care about you and I want you to thrive. I want to ease this pain for you in any way I can. We are all unique, but we all have suffered from GD. I'm still here, BTW.
Thank you for staying! I, for one, do look forward to your posts and they help me sort through my various issues. Like needing size 13 women's shoes...
In the past i've been a moderator on several FB groups so I know how hard it can be when personalities clash, i'm full of admiration for the staff at Susan's for the fine line they walk between understanding & enforcment.
As others have said, we are all going through a difficult thing & this can cause people to lash out at the wrong people, it can also mean that innocent comments can easily be taken the wrong way if someones head is in a bad place.
I've been on this forum for about 3yrs & i've seen many arguments, on the flip side of the coin i've seen many more positive, supportive comments than negative ones so in the whole I think this is the best Trans support site on the internet so please don't leave us, we are enriched by your presence & would be diminished by your absence.