So, I've been thinking about how to respond when I get "sirred" (I know I'm not full time and am still presenting as male, but I still don't like being called "sir"). So I've thought of a foolproof response to it: call the other person out of their gender as well. For example:
If it's a male:
male ***hole: "Have a good day, sir."
me: "You too ma'am!"
If it's a female:
female ***hole: "Have a good day, sir."
me: "You too, sir!"
Because if you're addressing me as a male, I can safely assume that it's opposite day or something, so why not play along? :)
However, I believe this can only be effective if you play it cool. Don't make too big a deal out of it, because when people sir you they're just trying to get a rise out of you, so you don't want to give the impression that they've succeeded at such. Just say it casually and dismissively.
You know it's not other people's fault? They're just saying it as they see it. It's not being done to you out of some untoward intent.
It's hard to tell if you're being serious or not.
Quote from: SammyRose on April 09, 2014, 09:25:23 PM
You know it's not other people's fault? They're just saying it as they see it. It's not being done to you out of some untoward intent.
It's hard to tell if you're being serious or not.
Perhaps in some cases it's an honest mistake, but in many cases it isn't. And even if it is, it's still insulting to call a female a male, so the way I see it doing the same to them puts you both on equal grounds. You saying it to them is no more or less insulting than when they initially did it to you.
If nothing else it just makes me feel better about the whole thing.
I don't know if I would have done that before, but I'd definitely do it now...I look very male, so if someone thinks I am "female" they usually assume "FTM" and not actual girl. And if they know about trans people, to call me ma'am while assuming I am FTM is rude.
I don't know if I could ever have the inner strength to handle that properly. I would probably cry if I was intentionally presenting female and got called sir by a stranger.
In any case, I rarely get called sir even in boy mode. Most of the time I'm called something like buddy or hon depending on the gender of the person I'm interacting with. The worst is the rare "bro" I get. Egh.....
To be honest, calling a guy ma'am may backfire. Rather than teaching them a lesson, it could make people angry and create even more drama that you may wish to avoid. I remember I started to misgender my sister in response to her doing it to me, and then instead of using pronouns or my name she started to call me ->-bleeped-<- and the transexual. At the end of the day, instead of teaching her a lesson, it just got her more belligerent (usually the case with her). So, use this strategy with caution.
Quote from: riversong on April 09, 2014, 09:19:42 PM
I know I'm not full time and am still presenting as male
Are you not asking for the world to see you as a man? Still seems a bit hypocritical to me.
While in my andro stage, I was getting gendered both male and female. What else could I expect?
After going full time, I've not been mis-gendered once.
Quote from: SammyRose on April 09, 2014, 09:41:40 PM
Are you not asking for the world to see you as a man? Still seems a bit hypocritical to me.
Not by choice. I still haven't gotten to the point where I can be full time, so I'm not intentionally asking the world to see me as male.
In the rare times when people have called me sir when I had short hair, I just ignore them if I feel like it or correct them if I feel like doing that. It's that simple. I do it with one word: ma'am. And the usual reply is "I'm sorry."
Dont blame them ,mistakes happen...
Eveyone has a different idea of what a man and a woman is...
Are you on HRT or presenting as female? If either, and the HRT is working, then yeah, do it, maybe. But, if not, and you only are female inside and your outside doesn't match, people can't be expected to deduce that. One day, being miss'd or ma'amed will be second nature and this will all be moot. I can't remember the last time someone called me sir without apologizing once they saw my face. But, really, being gendered correctly is awesome, but once you walk by guys and they say "that bitch has a banging body, when she's an older and not in college, she's gonna be the ->-bleeped-<-..." or They just put their arms around you or touch you or do this or that. it starts to get old and degrading. I was shopping today with my BF and he bought me this uber cute hoodie and the guy wouldn't leave me alone and kept telling me what a beautiful woman i am. Creepy. But girls are being super awesome to me and the last couple days I have been checking my hair and each time some woman came up to me and said, sweetie it loks great. You're so lucky you can pull of short hair like that. Most women can't. You're rocking it." So that was awesome. But, that intial feeling, first being miss'd....amazing. You'll get there don't let it get you down. I never thought I would but here I am not even able to pass as male or even trans.
I use the same strategy if it happens to me. However, I haven't been Sired in so long it's hard to remember when it last happened.
Quote from: mandonlym on April 09, 2014, 10:07:13 PM
In the rare times when people have called me sir when I had short hair, I just ignore them if I feel like it or correct them if I feel like doing that. It's that simple. I do it with one word: ma'am. And the usual reply is "I'm sorry."
I would simply say "I am sorry you are mistaken because I am a girl'. If i can sense they are being mean or whatever I will just try my best to ignore them.
If op isn't presenting female, why the overreaction to being sirred? I called a teacher mam and she insisted on being called spam. It made it ridiculous to call her anything but her name. I found it a lot more disarming.
I've found f*** you to be an appropriate response
Cant you just scream, trash the store and maybe start a little fire? (kidding :P )
People usually are not rude, they simply react to what they see...
to make an example I was one day at the market and cheese seller told me:
"would you like to taste our gorgonzola (an Italian cheese) sir?"
I was presenting as andro, with pants, so it was not a big deal..., I did not
correct him, I was not totally en femme.
...
two weeks later I went to the same store in a skirt and the SAME person told me:
"excuse me, ma'am, may you taste our Parmesan?"
Did he remember me? Don't know... in any case please consider that until starting HRT our body is male,
we smell male, we irradiate male pheromones, essentially we cross dress so it is very rare to pass in all occasions.
I'm facing this same problem. This happened twice in the past couple weeks. In each case, the store clerk knew me pre-transition.
If it happens again, I plan to ask, "Did you call me sir?" If the clerk apologizes, or asks how I'd like to be addressed, I will be gracious but assertive about my gender.
If there is any other reaction, I plan to go to store management.
On April 8th I was having my taxes done and I have been to the same group several times over the years but only once a year.I am clearly full time but a pretty questionable female ,anyway after being sirred several times by one gentleman I said . Sir, sirs have testicles I have no testicles but do have nice breasts would you like to check ? End of problem. Ally you should have been there another adventure ! Pat
Your first line is you're presenting male. What the hell do you expect? People take their cues from a few subtle indicators. If you are not presenting those indicators, you will get called Sir.
Present female, or live with it!
Quote from: justpat on April 10, 2014, 07:24:46 AM
On April 8th I was having my taxes done and I have been to the same group several times over the years but only once a year.I am clearly full time but a pretty questionable female ,anyway after being sirred several times by one gentleman I said . Sir, sirs have testicles I have no testicles but do have nice breasts would you like to check ? End of problem. Ally you should have been there another adventure ! Pat
Ha ha ha Lol! he, he, he -Oh how I would have loved to have seen that. I bet the look on his face was priceless! :icon_yikes: :icon_yikes: Oh I love it! The way you look I don't know how some still sir you anyway. Especially if you had your nails done and were dressed comparable to how you were that day we said our goodbyes. In any case I'd have loved to have been there. Knowing you Pat, I can just picture the look you had on your face when you addressed him, lol! :eusa_dance: Makes ,me miss y'all and being down there all the more. :icon_flower:
Quote from: riversong on April 09, 2014, 09:19:42 PM
So, I've been thinking about how to respond when I get "sirred" (I know I'm not full time and am still presenting as male, but I still don't like being called "sir").
(Bolding by me for emphasis)
You're presenting as male and you apparently expect people to magically know that you prefer female pronouns? It's not out of any kind of malice, if you look male, then expect people to use male pronouns. Instead of acting like a passive-agressive jerk, you could simply inform the 'offensive' person (who has no idea they're offending you) that you would like them to use a different pronoun.
Eh, Paula said it better than me, so yeah, what she said!
Quote from: TiffanyT on April 10, 2014, 01:19:49 AM
If op isn't presenting female, why the overreaction to being sirred? I called a teacher mam and she insisted on being called spam. It made it ridiculous to call her anything but her name. I found it a lot more disarming.
The thing is though, by definition it's not an overreaction. The reaction is the same as the initial action (calling someone out of their gender).
Quote(Bolding by me for emphasis)
You're presenting as male and you apparently expect people to magically know that you prefer female pronouns? It's not out of any kind of malice, if you look male, then expect people to use male pronouns. Instead of acting like a passive-agressive jerk, you could simply inform the 'offensive' person (who has no idea they're offending you) that you would like them to use a different pronoun.
Eh, Paula said it better than me, so yeah, what she said!
I guess I should have re-phrased. I've been told I'm a fairly androgynous looking person and while I don't dress in distinctly feminine clothing, there's also nothing particularly masculine about the way I dress either (just jeans, a t-shirt, and tennis shoes usually). So I'm not personally aware of what it is that's causing them to read me as male. If I were aware of what it is, then I would completely understand why they made the mistake and wouldn't respond the way I do.
Quote from: riversong on April 10, 2014, 09:06:50 AM
I guess I should have re-phrased. I've been told I'm a fairly androgynous looking person and while I don't dress in distinctly feminine clothing, there's also nothing particularly masculine about the way I dress either (just jeans, a t-shirt, and tennis shoes usually). So I'm not personally aware of what it is that's causing them to read me as male. If I were aware of what it is, then I would completely understand why they made the mistake and wouldn't respond the way I do.
Okay, now this is reasonable. I suspect that for most people the default thought process seems to be:
Is the person I am about to address obviously (ie do they have breasts and/or a general feminine look/voice) female?
Yes: Use female pronouns
No: Use male pronouns
If you're andro in appearance then I would imagine that most people will default to male pronouns. Also because asking a person what pronouns they prefer just isn't something that would occur to the average cis-person.
All I can really suggest, other than simply tolerating it unless/until you decide to present as female, is asking supportive friends for suggestions since they would have a better idea of your mannerisms etc. If you're like me and don't have friends, then I don't know what else to suggest other than just putting up with it until you're ready to present as female.
Quote from: Marina mtf on April 10, 2014, 06:46:54 AM
People usually are not rude, they simply react to what they see...
to make an example I was one day at the market and cheese seller told me:
"would you like to taste our gorgonzola (an Italian cheese) sir?"
I was presenting as andro, with pants, so it was not a big deal..., I did not
correct him, I was not totally en femme.
...
two weeks later I went to the same store in a skirt and the SAME person told me:
"excuse me, ma'am, may you taste our Parmesan?"
Did he remember me? Don't know... in any case please consider that until starting HRT our body is male,
we smell male, we irradiate male pheromones, essentially we cross dress so it is very rare to pass in all occasions.
I want to go to that store for the free cheese!
Aaaaannnnd the entire Monty Python 'Cheese Shop' skit just ran through my head....LOL!
Still, if you're wearing androgynous clothes, you're leaving the door wide open for people to gender you male. And if your appearance is androgynous too, you've got to expect that some people aren't going to be able to tell, and therefore they're going to make mistakes.
It's hard when some people are gendering you female while others are still gendering you male. I know. You want to be gendered female all the time. But you've got to give people clues if you expect to be gendered correctly all the time. When I was at this stage myself, and complaining about people gendering me male, I realized, I was still wearing a large unfitted jacket, men's shoes, and men's pants. So even though I believed that my appearance was more female than male, or at least androgynous, and I felt like I should be gendered female all the time, was the fault of me being gendered male really theirs for misreading my appearance, or was it mine for dressing in clothes that left the option of gendering me male wide open?
Save the hatred for people who are actually disrespecting you, gendering you male while you're actively trying to present as female. Other times, people can't be expected to read your mind.
I was watching this video on YouTube about misgendering.
I just couldn't help but notice the brutal comments (lonebard's).
https://www.youtube.com/all_comments?v=qrR8ZMDpSvk
"What a rambling f******g mess you are. So because you have long hair and wear an earing someone in a coffee shop should know your gender? And if they don't address you by the "correct" gender they are making a decision to negate you as a human being? How about you consider the fact that you might look, to them, like a man.
I get mistaken for a woman on the phone by random people fairly often. Guess what!!! My voice is a bit high and feminine. Do I think every person who call's me a woman on the phone is doing it on purpose? OH OF COURSE I DO BECAUSE I HAVE A MENTAL ILLNESS AND EVERYONE IS ATTACKING ME WAHHHHHHHH WAHHHHHHHH Wahhhhhh"
As androgynous as I currently am, I'd still have to side with some of the negative comments, although begrudgingly.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qrR8ZMDpSvk
As long as I'm dressed as female I get ma'amed. The only rare exception is sometimes a cashier isn't looking directly at me putting money away or something from the previous customer and will just see me out of the corner of their eye (a 6'7" person that assume male just going by height.) They will say without looking up, can I help you sir? Then look up in embarrassment and apologize and correct themselves with a ma'am. I don't get upset as long as they correct themselves and every time that has happened they have. Because I'm so tall I do see people sometimes looking for an Adam's Apple, which fortunately doesn't show at all. (I got lucky there.)
I'm full time so I'm always dressed and presenting female. Once a while ago I was misgendered in a Doctors office (gastroentologist). but it wasn't the lady's fault because she was looking at a piece of paper with my name on it and my gender as male. When she looked up and saw me she immediately apologized but I told her it was OK and my fault for not having my gender changed on my ID yet.
My point is you can't fault people for making honest mistakes. Hopefully I'll get my letter to have my gender changed on the 22nd, YaY!
Great post! It actually made me laugh. Sounds so simple and it may just be foolproof. I will give this a try and let you know.
I get called sir all the time, but I present as male . My problem is that I've lived in a downtown area for the past 15 years . It's a small town so a lot of the same people walk around the area. the store clerks all know me. My face is changing , not fast enough for me, but people all know me as male so even if I gaining feminine facial qualities they still sir me. I do hate it with a passion, the more so each day longer on HRT. It's no ones fault though because I've only told one of the people I see all the time that I'm transgender. He just calls me by my first name.
Personally, I haven't been sirred yet - just being able to overhear comments from people in the surroundings, whispers like "that's a MAN" or "i think that's a dude", etc. And occasionally snickers. Those are the most hurtful. Those make me want to go anywhere from either calling them out for whatever is 'wrong' with them - their size, lack of hair, lack of attractiveness, to going full Carrie on the a**holes...
Quote from: KelsieJ on April 13, 2014, 08:11:46 PM
Personally, I haven't been sirred yet - just being able to overhear comments from people in the surroundings, whispers like "that's a MAN" or "i think that's a dude", etc. And occasionally snickers. Those are the most hurtful. Those make me want to go anywhere from either calling them out for their size, lack of hair, lack of attractiveness, to going full Carrie on the ->-bleeped-<-s...
I'm so sorry you've had to go through that. When I owned property in a certain part of West Virginia comments like that were common among ignoramuses. Comments like yours make me glad I'm deaf in one ear. I think your much prettier and look more female than I, at least from what I can see in your Avatar, and I can just imagine what people might be saying behind my back.
My mom often says:
"What others think of you is none of your business."
Quote from: Tori on April 14, 2014, 04:03:18 AM
My mom often says:
"What others think of you is none of your business."
You have a wise Mom Tori. :icon_bunch:
Quote from: Allyda
I'm so sorry you've had to go through that. When I owned property in a certain part of West Virginia comments like that were common among ignoramuses. Comments like yours make me glad I'm deaf in one ear. I think your much prettier and look more female than I, at least from what I can see in your Avatar, and I can just imagine what people might be saying behind my back.
I guess it must be a southern thing......being as I'm in the "northernmost southern state" :/
I was messing around in the car when I took the avatar pic, it's just at the 'right' angle to make me look better which is why i used it.
Quote from: KelsieJ on April 14, 2014, 09:28:16 PM
I guess it must be a southern thing......being as I'm in the "northernmost southern state" :/
I was messing around in the car when I took the avatar pic, it's just at the 'right' angle to make me look better which is why i used it.
Nope, I have sort of a similar problem in NY. I hear snickers and get smiled at quite often. Usually, it's not aything hostile and I suppose I should take the fact that this happens in boy mode as a compliment more than anything, but it hurts even if my male appearance isn't convincing. It hurts so damn much to be seen as a walking joke. Honestly, I just want to hide and I avoid going anywhere outside of work and therapy because of it. I don't live life or do anything. The whole middle andro stage totally sucks and I'm sick of it. In any case, sorry to be a downer, but no matter where you are there are problems. I guess that's what I wanted to say.
Quote from: learningtolive
Nope, I have sort of a similar problem in NY. I hear snickers and get smiled at quite often. Usually, it's not aything hostile and I suppose I should take the fact that this happens in boy mode as a compliment more than anything, but it hurts even if my male appearance isn't convincing. It hurts so damn much to be seen as a walking joke. Honestly, I just want to hide and I avoid going anywhere outside of work and therapy because of it. I don't live life or do anything. The whole middle andro stage totally sucks and I'm sick of it. In any case, sorry to be a downer, but no matter where you are there are problems. I guess that's what I wanted to say.
No, you're not a Debbie Downer. I'm right there with you, hon. You summed it up quite well - I think I'd rather be sirred then treated like a joke. Apart from one place, I don't want to go out as me anywhere anymore. I stay at home or my gf's house watching Netflix or watching cat cams cause I can't have pets here.
Hugs
Kelsie
Quote from: learningtolive on April 14, 2014, 09:43:44 PM
Nope, I have sort of a similar problem in NY. I hear snickers and get smiled at quite often. Usually, it's not aything hostile and I suppose I should take the fact that this happens in boy mode as a compliment more than anything, but it hurts even if my male appearance isn't convincing. It hurts so damn much to be seen as a walking joke. Honestly, I just want to hide and I avoid going anywhere outside of work and therapy because of it. I don't live life or do anything. The whole middle andro stage totally sucks and I'm sick of it. In any case, sorry to be a downer, but no matter where you are there are problems. I guess that's what I wanted to say.
Ι thought I was being seen as a walking joke too in this middle andro stage
until I actually started doing things with others and realised that they respect me so much more than before, people respect honesty
you re being true to yourself and try to move forward,they appreciate that more than we think
Well Ive said it before and im gonna say it again
people are nicer than they seem...
Still its hard sometimes , I usually dont care about looks and stuff but it gets annoying...
its all about the attitude
We need to accept that we are different(at least for a period of time) and its only natural for the normal ones to stare at us and stuff...
But as I said , no matter how you look they will always be people who ll care for you , if you search for them that is...
Quote from: learningtolive on April 14, 2014, 09:43:44 PM
Nope, I have sort of a similar problem in NY. I hear snickers and get smiled at quite often. Usually, it's not aything hostile and I suppose I should take the fact that this happens in boy mode as a compliment more than anything, but it hurts even if my male appearance isn't convincing. It hurts so damn much to be seen as a walking joke. Honestly, I just want to hide and I avoid going anywhere outside of work and therapy because of it. I don't live life or do anything. The whole middle andro stage totally sucks and I'm sick of it. In any case, sorry to be a downer, but no matter where you are there are problems. I guess that's what I wanted to say.
Yeah... that in-between stage sucks however you try to frame it. The only way to get through it is to just grit your teeth, put up with the inevitable stares and misgenderings, and try to take it as a sign that you really are starting to get there.
If you ask me, this is why we need to fight to help get rid of this rigid gender binary... because in-transition trans people, who don't yet neatly fit in to one side or the other, basically have to put up with months and months and months of feeling like we have no place in society. We've got to work on making the world a friendlier place for those who are somewhere in the middle. So that those who are androgynous, or gender-nonconforming, or in-transition trans people, don't feel so stigmatized all the time.
Though I very rarely get misgendered, and on those rare occasions it's usually an honest mistake due to my ID not having been changed to the right gender yet (yes, I loathe going to the DMV so I've been putting it off, lol!) I've gotten to the point where I could give a flying f**** what other people think. I just dress as and be myself and that seems to work for me with or without makeup, or whether I'm dressed in sweats or a hot pink top and shorts that show my legs off a little. I just think it's all about how you present yourself and not necessarily how pretty or how feminine you actually look. If you try too hard or try to be just too girly it comes off as fake to others and they begin questioning your gender. Remember this girls, the pretending is over. You stopped pretending when you admitted to yourself your trans. You are women so you don't have to overly act like a woman to be seen as who you are, a woman. Just dress how you feel and be yourself. :icon_flower:
Quote from: Jane's Sweet Refrain on April 10, 2014, 10:27:17 AM
I want to go to that store for the free cheese!
Jane you are totally gorgeeoous. Just saying. ;)
err.. eh hem .. ok back on topic.
(blushes ^_^)
Quote from: Carrie Liz on April 15, 2014, 11:12:35 AM
Yeah... that in-between stage sucks however you try to frame it. The only way to get through it is to just grit your teeth, put up with the inevitable stares and misgenderings, and try to take it as a sign that you really are starting to get there.
If you ask me, this is why we need to fight to help get rid of this rigid gender binary... because in-transition trans people, who don't yet neatly fit in to one side or the other, basically have to put up with months and months and months of feeling like we have no place in society. We've got to work on making the world a friendlier place for those who are somewhere in the middle. So that those who are androgynous, or gender-nonconforming, or in-transition trans people, don't feel so stigmatized all the time.
Honestly, I just want to blend in. I'm not interested in fighting a battle. I just can't handle it. I'm very politically inclined and used to be very active, but really all I want is peace in my life. Don't get wrong, I'm all for improving the world. I just would rather blend in for myself rather than continously out myself.
Quote from: kate on April 15, 2014, 05:05:19 AM
I'm presenting as male at the moment as well, though i'm wondering if some people assume that i am a female wearing men's clothing. At the very least people are curious as to my gender and gender presentation. I understand about being pensive about going out. I was reluctant to meet a good friend of mine over the weekend as i have just done my eyebrows and they're definitely now feminine. I did get stared at, and people seem to have no qualms in taking long curious stares, and i even had one crass women attempting to subtly point me out to the rest of her group as she walked past. About as subtle as a water buffalo. I also overhead people saying odd things like "He looks like a female" or "that looks like a woman/that's not a woman" again in male presentation. I guess my male clothes appear differently to people now.
Yeah, it absolutely sucks. I'm spending my life being even more afraid of the world with even more dysphoria about how I look. I realize I need to go through this and things can get better, but in the meantime it sucks.
Quote from: FalsePrincess on April 15, 2014, 02:33:39 AM
Ι thought I was being seen as a walking joke too in this middle andro stage
until I actually started doing things with others and realised that they respect me so much more than before, people respect honesty
you re being true to yourself and try to move forward,they appreciate that more than we think
Well Ive said it before and im gonna say it again
people are nicer than they seem...
Still its hard sometimes , I usually dont care about looks and stuff but it gets annoying...
its all about the attitude
We need to accept that we are different(at least for a period of time) and its only natural for the normal ones to stare at us and stuff...
But as I said , no matter how you look they will always be people who ll care for you , if you search for them that is...
Oh, I know people are more nicer than not. In fact, most people that are aware of my situation have been really accepting and okay. It's just I hate being in this in between stage. Having people whisper about you or giggle behind your back because your the boy who looks like a girl. If I really passed well and was passed this awkard life stage I'd just move forward, but I'm not. So, I have to put up with this stuff for now on. For now, I feel like a walking clown.
Quote from: learningtolive on April 14, 2014, 09:43:44 PM
Nope, I have sort of a similar problem in NY. I hear snickers and get smiled at quite often. Usually, it's not aything hostile and I suppose I should take the fact that this happens in boy mode as a compliment more than anything, but it hurts even if my male appearance isn't convincing. It hurts so damn much to be seen as a walking joke. Honestly, I just want to hide and I avoid going anywhere outside of work and therapy because of it. I don't live life or do anything. The whole middle andro stage totally sucks and I'm sick of it. In any case, sorry to be a downer, but no matter where you are there are problems. I guess that's what I wanted to say.
Sorry. It sucks to know someone else is going through this.
In any case, I don't begrudge people that interpret me one way or another. It's just a confusing time and there is no need for me to school someone even if it's irating. After all, it's not someone elses fault that I'm andro. If you aren't going out of your way to be seen female, realize that some people might not be able to tell.
Regarding that awkward stage some have posted about here, I myself suffered through that stage all my life until around five years ago when for whatever reason still unknown to me I could no longer pass for male anymore. Many times as a kid I was gendered female upon meeting new people until my adopted parents corrected them. And throughout adolescence and late teens, 20's, 30's in checkout lines, etc. I'd hear them questioning whether I was male or female. In W.Va. I was referred to as a hermophrodite (excuse spelling), or a Lesbian, or Gay, or worse terms more times than I can count. It didn't matter whether my hair was long or short, whether I was dressed in full camo or flannel. I never had enough facial hair to grow a beard and I had no mustache at all. I've known I was a girl all my life since my earliest memmories and have wanted to transition, but had to put it off for one reason or another. I prayed and prayed the awkwardness would end as I got older thinking surely when I got older I'd look less feminine. How very wrong I was. Then at the age of 40 though I didn't know it at the time for some reason my body started becoming more feminine. Of course I didn't see it but The comments slowly over the next few years subsided and in checkout lines, drive thru's, bank's, Wal-Mart's and other stores, etc to my surprise I was being gendered female. Of course I was happy over this but along with it came the loss of some of my hair in patches on the top left side of my head. At the age of 45 I began searching for doctors who could help me get started on hrt and since I could no longer pass for male. Even having no luck at the time, I threw out all my clothes and bought a new wardrobe in all female sizes. Since I'd worn women's clothes here and there throughout the years I knew my size, and it was fitting for I'd just bought my current home in this new neighborhood then at the time where all my new neighbors considered me a single woman. With my new wardrobe, a wardrobe I'd always wanted I began living full time as female though I did eventually as I got to know them told my neighbors I was trans.
To fast forward from this point to 4 months ago because of certain dark feelings from my past resurfacing triggered by the hair loss which worried me daily I became tired of begging my then PC Doc to help me. I did my research, ordered the meds I needed and on December 28th I took my first dose of hrt meds. I had joined Susan's here prior to that while I anxiously awaited my meds to arrive, and began meeting the family here. 3 days after my 1st dose of hrt meds my hair loss halted abruptly and began reversing. I felt invigorated like I've been starving for these meds all my life, and those dark thoughts I mentioned earlier vanished. Now over 3 months and 2 weeks in I'm still happy, still feel 30 years younger and I haven't looked back. I now have an excellent and experienced Endo monitoring and administering my hrt, and I'm on the path toward my SRS/GRS after the "mones" have worked their magic.
This is the condensed version of my life of 49 years as a transgender woman minus many dark and hurtful also abusive, and self destructive instances that are irrelevant to this thread. I just wanted you girls to know I understand the awkward stage of transition all too well, for I've lived it most of my life, from my childhood up until I was around 43-44 years old I heard the snickering, the comments, and the questioning behind my back in checkout lines, even Disney World as a kid. It was very hard to deal with when I was young but after a while I got used to it, heck, I even had some fun with it a few times when I was a teenager, lol!, and just lived as me despite the wishes of my adopted father who wanted me to lift weights, etc., to in his words, give me some shoulders and arms. I suffered alot of heartache to get where I am now and ironically it took my own body somewhat feminizing on it's own to finally make me say "dam the torpedoes and what other people think," and begin my full transition.
The awkward stages of transition will pass for each and every one of you. The questioning in the checkout lines will slowly subside and soon you'll be just another girl in line waiting like everyone else. What helped me through all those awkward years is I didn't let other peoples ideas of who I should be, or their snide comments change my core identity.
I hope my story has helped some of you, and I sincerely hope your awkward stages pass by quickly.
Ally :icon_flower:
Quote from: kate on April 16, 2014, 09:59:20 AM
Thank you for sharing Allyda. Really interesting and helpful to read x
Thanks Kate. I read your post above about restrooms. I have to use the ladies rooms these days. I made a mistake recently in an unfamiliar Wal-Mart and walked into the mens room and the comments and one jesture I got along with "the women's is across the hall and down 2 doors" from one nice gentleman would defoliate your scalp, lol! Everything from "Crazy Bitch" to "perverted c**t" was said and one guy flashed me. I just laughed at him infuriating him more and promptly left. Men can be quite discusting here in the US. I hope they're nicer where your at. :icon_flower: