What's the point of transitioning when it's no fun anyway? Most people have to wait till at least 18 and by then there's like no point in going thru all this suffering just to be boring and old. I feel like I'm too old to enjoy life anymore, esp as an mtf. I also think it's just me but I missed out on being a retarded teen and doing lots of stuff, actually those years were really crappy, so it's like, what... I got to enjoy being 8-12 and that's it. Life's over...
Being old is so boring, seriously. I don't feel old but I got that like old people sense of responsibility. Now I care too much about everything and I'm too sensitive over everything. I don't wanna be like that at all but, can't help it. Being trans doesn't help either, though I'm starting to not care about that anyway. What I do hate is being old, cuz when I go to the mall and I'm surrounded by 14 year old girls I just want to die. They can still have fun in life.
Mmm... when I was younger things just felt more special, now it's like, who cares. Nothing feels special. What's the point in being trans when I'm just going thru the daily motions anyway? What's the point in trying to be pretty when I'm already ruined anyway? What's the point in trying to express an identity that's plain and boring anyway? All I see ahead is a life of spanx and anti-aging cream and gray roots, sending greeting cards and filling out forms, movie nights, pot lucks, baby showers (for other people cuz... yeah...) just getting older and tireder and uglier.
Do you think I could go to an FFS surgeon and tell them to make me look like like, 12 again? Or maybe I should ask them to euthanize me... at least if I detransition I'll look young... I feel ridiculous and being trans only makes my age dysphoria worse. Cis people have kids so they can vicariously have fun again. If I were a mom I'd be one of those moms that lets her daughter have house parties so she can come too. Hah, but I'm never gonna be a mom either so. Just gonna grow older and lonelier. I mean I won't be doing the career thing either, and that seems really stuffy in most jobs anyway.
So can anyone honestly tell me what the point is? What's the point of being old and what's the point of being yourself when all you get from being a woman is... wait what do you get when you're old? Mom jeans? Psych meds? Even worse as a trans woman.... lots of surgeries just to never look like you want to anyway? Risk of discrimination and violence and stuff?
Idk, I'm just really sad about life. Every time I go do stuff I just spend it wanting to be other people. I can't undo all this stuff. :(
... To stay alive.
Just something which I've noticed, it's the younger transitioners that seem to have the hardest time of it ( except in physical change ).
Quote from: SammyRose on April 19, 2014, 09:01:13 PM
... To stay alive.
Just something which I've noticed, it's the younger transitioners that seem to have the hardest time of it ( except in physical change ).
Well, yeah, that's because the older transitioners already had a life once though. :(
Quote from: sad panda on April 19, 2014, 09:02:48 PM
Well, yeah, that's because the older transitioners already had a life once though. :(
For some of us, it was a pretty poor excuse for a life though..
Quote from: kelly_aus on April 19, 2014, 09:08:13 PM
For some of us, it was a pretty poor excuse for a life though..
You can say that again. It was horrible. I'd certainly prefer to have not survived it, but for whatever reason I did.
You make being old sound like cancer .. First theirs always someone older than you so that makes you younger .. Have you noticed that more time challenge a person is.!! The less LIFE drags them down .. Us old girls know how to get the most out of the least and try not to beat UP our self to bad . Happiness does not care how old or young you are ... Your beautiful person i am sure. you just need support group and where it is .. Find something to smile about and I bet it will grow on ya ..AKA Sara
Quote from: sad panda on April 19, 2014, 08:43:30 PM
What's the point of transitioning when it's no fun anyway? Most people have to wait till at least 18 and by then there's like no point in going thru all this suffering just to be boring and old. I feel like I'm too old to enjoy life anymore, esp as an mtf. I also think it's just me but I missed out on being a retarded teen and doing lots of stuff, actually those years were really crappy, so it's like, what... I got to enjoy being 8-12 and that's it. Life's over...
Being old is so boring, seriously. I don't feel old but I got that like old people sense of responsibility. Now I care too much about everything and I'm too sensitive over everything. I don't wanna be like that at all but, can't help it. Being trans doesn't help either, though I'm starting to not care about that anyway. What I do hate is being old, cuz when I go to the mall and I'm surrounded by 14 year old girls I just want to die. They can still have fun in life.
Mmm... when I was younger things just felt more special, now it's like, who cares. Nothing feels special. What's the point in being trans when I'm just going thru the daily motions anyway? What's the point in trying to be pretty when I'm already ruined anyway? What's the point in trying to express an identity that's plain and boring anyway? All I see ahead is a life of spanx and anti-aging cream and gray roots, sending greeting cards and filling out forms, movie nights, pot lucks, baby showers (for other people cuz... yeah...) just getting older and tireder and uglier.
Do you think I could go to an FFS surgeon and tell them to make me look like like, 12 again? Or maybe I should ask them to euthanize me... at least if I detransition I'll look young... I feel ridiculous and being trans only makes my age dysphoria worse. Cis people have kids so they can vicariously have fun again. If I were a mom I'd be one of those moms that lets her daughter have house parties so she can come too. Hah, but I'm never gonna be a mom either so. Just gonna grow older and lonelier. I mean I won't be doing the career thing either, and that seems really stuffy in most jobs anyway.
So can anyone honestly tell me what the point is? What's the point of being old and what's the point of being yourself when all you get from being a woman is... wait what do you get when you're old? Mom jeans? Psych meds? Even worse as a trans woman.... lots of surgeries just to never look like you want to anyway? Risk of discrimination and violence and stuff?
Idk, I'm just really sad about life. Every time I go do stuff I just spend it wanting to be other people. I can't undo all this stuff. :(
Who cares about kids? Honestly, being a kid sucks. There is no way in hell I would ever want to be a kid again. I hated it the first time around and it would still suck even if I lived it in the right body. I still would have been an outcast and had no friends. The only thing I would have gained (or lost, in reality) is that I wouldn't have GID on my back.
I hated other children when I was younger and honestly, I still hate (most of) them. Most kids are annoying, whiny and a massive pain in the ass. Even if I was a GG I would NEVER want to have children.
Aging doesn't bother me and never will. You only have two choices: aging or premature death. The average life span isn't that long when you look at the grand scheme of things, so I don't worry about that. Yeah, I would preferred to start my transition at 9 rather than 29 but that is way that it went so I just roll with it. It's all I can do. It's a waste of time to sit around regretting what you didn't do. Just be thankful for what you DID do.
Age dysphoria. Never heard that term before, but I really like it. I definitely have that. I think it's common in women and trans people. Women, because of the 'bio clock' and also because of society. Trans people, because oftentimes we have had to live the wrong life watching everyone pass us by. By the time we do get to live life, it seems shortened. I think this is yet another area trans women get the short stick. Because the 'golden years' for a woman are pretty early in life. In a way they aren't for a guy. I think that says something though. About our society.
But even for the Kim Petras of the world, that time is really short. So ok, she transitioned at what, 16? So, she got a couple more years of being 'hot'. Doesn't last long. For any woman, trans or cis. After a certain age, women stop being jealous. Men start losing interest. People just stop noticing you altogether. (I never actually reached this age as a woman, but I know about it from my mom and others)
What I'm saying is that even if you had been a cis woman, the time when you're 'hot' is pretty short. So, if you transitioned earlier, you'd have just gained a few years. Not much. The best thing you can do, the best thing any beautiful woman can do, is find something she loves to do that she will still love to do at 60. Something that really feeds her soul. Life is relatively easy for a young, beautiful woman (a bit different for a trans woman, I know). What I was trying to say (badly) before, is that as a young, attractive woman, you've got all the perks and privilege you'll ever get as a woman. Right now. And it just won't be the same later. People just won't care when you're 40 the same way they do now. Harsh, but true. You've just got to grab the bull by the horn, because he won't be around later. You know?
You're romanticising everything. The grass is always greener.
Youth is wasted on the young.
I do wish I had transitioned earlier, I started hrt 6 months ago age 29 but I'm a far different person at 29 than I was at 14 even than I was at 25.
And if you think that's there's no fun ahead for me you're so wrong.
I'd hate to be an immature brat
Quite a few of my friends, mostly MtFs, are older, but they are quite enjoying themselves. Why? Because they are able to be themselves now, to be comfortable with themselves. I think transitioning shouldn't matter about age. It's about being able to become comfortable with your body.
Age only comes in factor when dealing with the doctors since they do consider age as a risk factor.
Reaver
Honestly, I struggle big time with my age. I'm 25. It sucks that my life will be starting so late in many ways, all when whatever potential I had to be pretty is already fading. Sucks. However, it's nothing I can change. I guess living is better for me than not. And living free without anxiety is something I never got to do. Besides, I actually do look forward to one day being a mom (if I can ever adopt) and a wife (if I can ever trick some guy into marrying me) and all that. I just would like to be forever young if you will. Sadly, that's not possible. Overall, I do wish I could start over and be young again, but it's not going to happen and focusing on it will only make me cry more than I already do. No point in that.
Sad Panda
Why so down? Life is great and it is always better than the alternative. You are lucky to have the awareness of your dysphoria and treatment options available to you. Must of us thought we were broken and defective and kept trying to live as expected. Perhaps having dealt with dysphoria for so long just makes us more appreciative of the relief that has allowed us to live as we were supposed to.
One benefit of having a few years on the clock is to live in the moment, you waste too much time if you are always planning and if you keep revisiting the past you end up looking behind you, which immediately leads you into a collision and pain because you lack awareness.
Think of the life you have ahead of you and rejoice.
Safe travels
Aisla
Quote from: kelly_aus on April 19, 2014, 09:08:13 PM
For some of us, it was a pretty poor excuse for a life though..
So you know how I'm feeling, right?
But no matter what it was like, you DID have cis privilege the whole way.
Quote from: fusstangtroy on April 19, 2014, 09:14:03 PM
You make being old sound like cancer .. First theirs always someone older than you so that makes you younger .. Have you noticed that more time challenge a person is.!! The less LIFE drags them down .. Us old girls know how to get the most out of the least and try not to beat UP our self to bad . Happiness does not care how old or young you are ... Your beautiful person i am sure. you just need support group and where it is .. Find something to smile about and I bet it will grow on ya ..AKA Sara
Being old is like cancer... slowly makes your life miserable, then disfigures you, then you die...
I mean, you gotta admit.
I try not to beat myself up but then I go do things and realize I'm surrounded by younger, prettier girls, who have a more natural and normal life and more fun, and just end up feeling crappy. :/
Quote from: Laura Squirrel on April 19, 2014, 09:19:37 PM
Who cares about kids? Honestly, being a kid sucks. There is no way in hell I would ever want to be a kid again. I hated it the first time around and it would still suck even if I lived it in the right body. I still would have been an outcast and had no friends. The only thing I would have gained (or lost, in reality) is that I wouldn't have GID on my back.
I hated other children when I was younger and honestly, I still hate (most of) them. Most kids are annoying, whiny and a massive pain in the ass. Even if I was a GG I would NEVER want to have children.
Aging doesn't bother me and never will. You only have two choices: aging or premature death. The average life span isn't that long when you look at the grand scheme of things, so I don't worry about that. Yeah, I would preferred to start my transition at 9 rather than 29 but that is way that it went so I just roll with it. It's all I can do. It's a waste of time to sit around regretting what you didn't do. Just be thankful for what you DID do.
I guess we just disagree. I liked being young a lot. I had so many friends and was always out doing things and experiencing new things. Everything was so fun and things felt so special, and there was some structure in my life. Until I developed really bad anxiety and it all went downhill...
I'm glad you can enjoy being old. But, I can't it feels like. :(
I know how you feel sadpanda. I started late on hormones to be a pretty girl. I need ffs badly just to pass because after three years of hrt I know I am never going to look pretty or even pass 100% for that matter. Still, being on hrt is better than not being on hrt. It hurts because when I go see my doctor I see girls who are like 12 or younger getting help to transition and it makes me sad because I will never pass for cis. Still, I do know one girl who started hrt at age 14 and she still B***** at me and tells me that she sees the man in the mirror so to speak. I am so lonely though, I just want to go on a date with a guy, but I am not pretty enough for that.
If only I could have started hrt 7 years earlier i might have had a chance to pass, but 19 was too late.
I don't want a little screeching oozing booger crumb cruncher. At an estimated $300K to raise {1} human larva each, I'd rather just save that for my retirement.
With regards to transitioning at an older age - I don't know about you people - but I find getting on E to be a fountain of youth. Turning back the clock 10 - 15 years by having your copy-fatigued genes express themselves anew. The blueprints are dormant and there.
Quote from: sad panda on April 19, 2014, 09:34:59 PM
I'm glad you can enjoy being old.
LMFAO!!
I'm seriously laughing my ass off at this statement. I don't feel old at all. I may be a few years away from 40 but I don't feel old at all. Most of the time, I feel more vibrant, alive and a hell of a lot happier than I did when I was inducing a fake sense of happiness drinking and smoking myself into oblivion. (Which I only did in the first place due to GID. If it wasn't for that, I never would have drank or smoked pot.) Sure, I have some "off" days but that is only due to the GID. When that happens, I get through it as best I can and it goes away. (Portia comes in handy on days like that.) Old is a state of mind. Of course your body will age but, so what? You can't get around that. I feel younger now than I did when I was in my 20s.
It is time I confessed.
I transitioned at the old age of 37, just to troll Sad Panda, and for no other valid reason.
Now you know.
I am sorry Susan's, you can ban me now.
:P
Ah to be young again... Girl I am not sure how old you are but you are sadly mistaken... It seems you are basing your transition on being pretty and that isn't what its about at all. Sure we would all like to be totally gorgeous, but serious that is to me not what transition is about. It's being who I really am. In actuality older women can kick up their heels with the best of them and are not so pressured with the vanity issues that younger girls have to deal with. Also we become more self confident with age, and are not as worried about what others may think of us as much. Let's face it, one does not shrivel up and die at 30... Hell, I'm 56 years old and just learning how to live and be happy with myself. And believe you me it is a fanatic feeling. From my point of view, being older, I'm going to totally live it up, because for the first time in my life I feel like a whole person.
Quote from: FA on April 19, 2014, 09:23:40 PM
Age dysphoria. Never heard that term before, but I really like it. I definitely have that. I think it's common in women and trans people. Women, because of the 'bio clock' and also because of society. Trans people, because oftentimes we have had to live the wrong life watching everyone pass us by. By the time we do get to live life, it seems shortened. I think this is yet another area trans women get the short stick. Because the 'golden years' for a woman are pretty early in life. In a way they aren't for a guy. I think that says something though. About our society.
But even for the Kim Petras of the world, that time is really short. So ok, she transitioned at what, 16? So, she got a couple more years of being 'hot'. Doesn't last long. For any woman, trans or cis. After a certain age, women stop being jealous. Men start losing interest. People just stop noticing you altogether. (I never actually reached this age as a woman, but I know about it from my mom and others)
What I'm saying is that even if you had been a cis woman, the time when you're 'hot' is pretty short. So, if you transitioned earlier, you'd have just gained a few years. Not much. The best thing you can do, the best thing any beautiful woman can do, is find something she loves to do that she will still love to do at 60. Something that really feeds her soul. Life is relatively easy for a young, beautiful woman (a bit different for a trans woman, I know). What I was trying to say (badly) before, is that as a young, attractive woman, you've got all the perks and privilege you'll ever get as a woman. Right now. And it just won't be the same later. People just won't care when you're 40 the same way they do now. Harsh, but true. You've just got to grab the bull by the horn, because he won't be around later. You know?
Yeah... honestly there's not many activities that really interest me that I currently do. I mean I can pass time but it's not fun. I realized that a lot of the problem is I'm actually really extroverted but I became so inhibited and anxious that I started withdrawing into a world that only works for an introvert. I need to constantly be surrounded by stimulation but I don't get that with this lifestyle, and I feel like that lifestyle is just suited to being young anyway. Or maybe I say that cuz I had that when I was young and now I feel like I turned in my membership. I miss it so much. Sleepovers every other night, partying, doing stupid things with my friends, sneaking out and hanging out at the park late at night. Gossiping about who likes who, going to the mall or the movies and just not having a care in the world, feeling so utterly natural and unconcerned. Now I just feel like a kid in an adult's world. And an adult's body, and really even in an adult's mind. And it's so miserable :/ so really, I just don't want to become old. I just feel like I'll be drawing this out. The more I do stuff and get out lately the more I just feel like I can't be me anymore cuz of my age dysphoria. I don't want to be me, so then what's the point of being a girl anyway if it's easier to just not be trans. :(
Quote from: ReaverMarcus on April 19, 2014, 09:29:45 PM
Quite a few of my friends, mostly MtFs, are older, but they are quite enjoying themselves. Why? Because they are able to be themselves now, to be comfortable with themselves. I think transitioning shouldn't matter about age. It's about being able to become comfortable with your body.
Age only comes in factor when dealing with the doctors since they do consider age as a risk factor.
Reaver
Well, I was comfortable in my body before just as much as now, I mean once I lost weight (I was fat for a little while.) I don't really understand body dysphoria but that's just me. My body was never really masculine, I was just a twinky lil boy who looked the same as when i was 12. So I guess I don't have that benefit of transition to rely on. But my age dysphoria is really bad and being trans can't fix that. :c
Quote from: f_Anna_tastic on April 19, 2014, 09:25:18 PM
You're romanticising everything. The grass is always greener.
Youth is wasted on the young.
I do wish I had transitioned earlier, I started hrt 6 months ago age 29 but I'm a far different person at 29 than I was at 14 even than I was at 25.
And if you think that's there's no fun ahead for me you're so wrong.
I'd hate to be an immature brat
Well I am an immature brat, I'm sorry. I try to be an adult but it just makes me unhappy, I'm just doing it for other people to not hate me :/
I'm transitioning at 18, I don't see what the problem is. Perhaps it's because I'm going to college and that's like an even more fun version of high school, except people are more mature and you have more freedom. Personally, high school's nice and all, but transitioning now wouldn't be very fun...I'd probably get bullied quite a lot and I'd like to start a new life when I start HRT, meaning I don't want to live where I live.
Also, on hormones, many people have a more youthful look, so I suppose you could pass as a younger female, if that's a worry.
When I transition at 18, it's likely I'll go full time somewhere around when I turn 19, before or after starting my sophomore year of college. That will give me my full sophomore, junior and senior year of college to live life young, and then I'll be 21. That's still 9 more golden years left of youth left.
When I get to 30? I don't know...maybe I'll have a husband by then, hopefully even married. I'd hope I'm still youthful into my 30's. Maybe I'd even be famous if I'm super lucky. I don't know.
I just think that focusing on being too old at 30 is ridiculous when most people are transitioning at 60. I know a 30 year old transwoman who's happy as can be, still looks youthful and has a lot of fun going out with friends and exercising and all that. She even has a daughter.
Life isn't over when you're 30. I think there's still a lot of fun to have in your 20's. Most people wish they were in their 20's too.
Maybe it's not your age that's keeping you from being happy. Maybe it's the fact you think that your age is restricting you from it that's really keeping you from happiness.
But seriously, how many of us want to continue aging? Yes it's inevitable and part of life, but it's not like most of us are thinking "can't wait for my birthday in 5 years". Regardless of your age, it feels scary to keep getting older. I know for me, my 30th birthday is going to be horrible for me. I guess I accept that will happen if I remain alive, but it's not something I'm looking forward too. And this is something most of us feel. Even if you're 50, you proably aren't looking forward to being 55. It's just part of being human.
Quote from: learningtolive on April 19, 2014, 09:55:31 PM
Regardless of your age, it feels scary to keep getting older.
Nah.
Not after you go through a year or two of being convinced that you are going to die.
Been there, done that.
It made me appreciate each passing year, rather than mourn it.
If you spend your life dreading the inevitable end, life isn't going to be much fun.
My issue is a bit different but along the same line.
I'm not too worried about being old and transitioning, but the 30 years I've lost of the life I should have had since the start has been a sore spot that I've been struggling with lately.
Quote from: Colleen♡Callie on April 19, 2014, 09:59:58 PM
My issue is a bit different but along the same line.
I'm not too worried about being old and transitioning, but the 30 years I've lost of the life I should have had since the start has been a sore spot that I've been struggling with lately.
I went through that for a couple of years. Then I realized it was a waste of energy and time.
Sigh... why do the young pretty ones always have to have the most mental problems with not being young and pretty?
Quote from: learningtolive on April 19, 2014, 09:31:16 PM
Honestly, I struggle big time with my age. I'm 25. It sucks that my life will be starting so late in many ways, all when whatever potential I had to be pretty is already fading. Sucks. However, it's nothing I can change. I guess living is better for me than not. And living free without anxiety is something I never got to do. Besides, I actually do look forward to one day being a mom (if I can ever adopt) and a wife (if I can ever trick some guy into marrying me) and all that. I just would like to be forever young if you will. Sadly, that's not possible. Overall, I do wish I could start over and be young again, but it's not going to happen and focusing on it will only make me cry more than I already do. No point in that.
I know, it does just make me feel worse. But I feel like the best I can do other than feeling worse is to feel nothing. So it's feel nothing or feel bad... at least if I feel bad I don't feel like I'm running away from life. :( it makes me so sad. My therapist said my body is still stuck in the past. But even if it weren't, I don't know if I'd ever like being an adult.
Quote from: Aisla on April 19, 2014, 09:33:12 PM
Sad Panda
Why so down? Life is great and it is always better than the alternative. You are lucky to have the awareness of your dysphoria and treatment options available to you. Must of us thought we were broken and defective and kept trying to live as expected. Perhaps having dealt with dysphoria for so long just makes us more appreciative of the relief that has allowed us to live as we were supposed to.
One benefit of having a few years on the clock is to live in the moment, you waste too much time if you are always planning and if you keep revisiting the past you end up looking behind you, which immediately leads you into a collision and pain because you lack awareness.
Think of the life you have ahead of you and rejoice.
Safe travels
Aisla
I guess I don't have the same view of transition as older transitioners, I don't feel good about being a woman or something, it's just how I have to present mostly for who I am. Anyway, what is fun about being old? And what do you do if the moment you're living in is not the one you want? :c
Quote from: Chic on April 19, 2014, 09:53:27 PM
I'm transitioning at 18, I don't see what the problem is. Perhaps it's because I'm going to college and that's like an even more fun version of high school, except people are more mature and you have more freedom. Personally, high school's nice and all, but transitioning now wouldn't be very fun...I'd probably get bullied quite a lot and I'd like to start a new life when I start HRT, meaning I don't want to live where I live.
I'm not sure, I didn't get to go to high school... :( I was pretty well liked in college as a femme boy though.
QuoteAlso, on hormones, many people have a more youthful look, so I suppose you could pass as a younger female, if that's a worry.
Hmm... I have to disagree with that. I looked way younger as a boy, because I looked like I had just started puberty. I basically got to be a young teen indefinitely. But as a girl, that's normal, so my skin texture makes me look my ageish. So sadly it makes my age dysphoria worse. The only positive part is that you can behave like a child as a woman cuz people don't respect you anyway.
QuoteWhen I transition at 18, it's likely I'll go full time somewhere around when I turn 19, before or after starting my sophomore year of college. That will give me my full sophomore, junior and senior year of college to live life young, and then I'll be 21. That's still 9 more golden years left of youth left.
When I get to 30? I don't know...maybe I'll have a husband by then, hopefully even married. I'd hope I'm still youthful into my 30's. Maybe I'd even be famous if I'm super lucky. I don't know.
I just think that focusing on being too old at 30 is ridiculous when most people are transitioning at 60. I know a 30 year old transwoman who's happy as can be, still looks youthful and has a lot of fun going out with friends and exercising and all that. She even has a daughter.
Life isn't over when you're 30. I think there's still a lot of fun to have in your 20's. Most people wish they were in their 20's too.
Maybe it's not your age that's keeping you from being happy. Maybe it's the fact you think that your age is restricting you from it that's really keeping you from happiness.
Yeah I know it's complicated and other people can be happy, but for me my age is really triggering. I guess because I didn't have the closure of being young in the first place. And no matter what I do, being old and frumpy just horrifies me, I can't even entertain the possibility. And I don't really understand adults. Or, I can't be like that I guess. Or not consistently.
There are many people that wait for transition for whatever reason. Many of us regret it but in the end the pain of staying in a male body will never go away not even with age. So transition at an older age is probably at the least a liberating experience for many. I wish I could have transitioned young like around 16. But life sucks and is not as fair as we imagine it to be.
Quote from: Laura Squirrel on April 19, 2014, 10:01:21 PM
I went through that for a couple of years. Then I realized it was a waste of energy and time.
I know fully it's a waste of time and energy and will just make me bitter in the end. Nothing seems to help me get over it thus far though.
Quote from: learningtolive on April 19, 2014, 09:55:31 PM
But seriously, how many of us want to continue aging? Yes it's inevitable and part of life, but it's not like most of us are thinking "can't wait for my birthday in 5 years". Regardless of your age, it feels scary to keep getting older. I know for me, my 30th birthday is going to be horrible for me. I guess I accept that will happen if I remain alive, but it's not something I'm looking forward too. And this is something most of us feel. Even if you're 50, you proably aren't looking forward to being 55. It's just part of being human.
But part of getting old is becoming not special. You see it in everything. Women are not special when they're old. People with talents and stuff like that are not special anymore. Singers are not special. Sports players are not special. There's no real potential. You just become old and boring and take care of the next generation and try to be comfortable. So, it's like, why not just be cis then anyway if you're going to be frumpy and unspecial either way. Maybe that sounds weird.... but being trans is pretty hard even if you're super natural...
Quote from: Carrie Liz on April 19, 2014, 10:01:36 PM
Sigh... why do the young pretty ones always have to have the most mental problems with not being young and pretty?
Good question, maybe it's because we are trying so hard to be pretty from such a young age. It's what we always placed value in so not having it hurts more than anything else. I guess. I don't really feel pretty though. MAYBE for a trans girl, but not for a cis girl... at all.
Quote from: Colleen♡Callie on April 19, 2014, 10:08:01 PM
I know fully it's a waste of time and energy and will just make me bitter in the end. Nothing seems to help me get over it thus far though.
Well, just give it some more time.
Quote from: naomi599 on April 19, 2014, 10:03:05 PM
There are many people that wait for transition for whatever reason. Many of us regret it but in the end the pain of staying in a male body will never go away not even with age. So transition at an older age is probably at the least a liberating experience for many. I wish I could have transitioned young like around 16. But life sucks and is not as fair as we imagine it to be.
Can you explain the pain of staying in a male body? I never totally understood. I guess I have the pain of staying in an old body. My question about if FFS can be used to make you look young still goes (:
Quote from: sad panda on April 19, 2014, 10:08:54 PM
But part of getting old is becoming not special. You see it in everything. Women are not special when they're old. People with talents and stuff like that are not special anymore. Singers are not special. Sports players are not special. There's no real potential. You just become old and boring and take care of the next generation and try to be comfortable. So, it's like, why not just be cis then anyway if you're going to be frumpy and unspecial either way. Maybe that sounds weird.... but being trans is pretty hard even if you're super natural...
Good question, maybe it's because we are trying so hard to be pretty from such a young age. It's what we always placed value in so not having it hurts more than anything else. I guess. I don't really feel pretty though. MAYBE for a trans girl, but not for a cis girl... at all.
Well, that would be why I'm not excited about aging any further. But overall, I'm miserable with my life. I have a lot of dysphoria over my gender and I feel trapped being a guy. I'm a joke of a guy anyway, so I never lived your typical or normal male life. There really is nothing for me to fall back on other than misery, emptiness and a phony life that I hate. And I never really formed much of a life anyway, I'm still very much a young adult that is finding their place in the world rather than having already found it. In any case, I'd rather try to erase my anxiety at some point and give happiness a chance and actually form a life that I would like. And for me, I don't get to uspet about being a mother or getting married. I just don't want to age nor do I really want that responsibility at all anytime soon.
Then again, much of this is in my future and it's idealized. What will be is a whole other thing. Who knows if I'll ever escape my depression, anxiety and self hate.
Quote from: Carrie Liz on April 19, 2014, 10:01:36 PM
Sigh... why do the young pretty ones always have to have the most mental problems with not being young and pretty?
I'll try to answer that. I felt old before I was 20. Ancient at 23. 30? I honestly hoped I'd be dead by that time. I think pretty girls get obsessed with this stuff cause it's the main thing people say to us. Nobody ever shuts up about it, so we know it's all anyone cares about. We also know it won't last forever. I hate to to say this - but if I had been a ugly, flat chested girl? Maybe I would have actually developed some self-worth. :(
Sad Panda... If that is you in your avatar, in my opinion you don't need FFS... Your absolutely gorgeous.. And like a fine bottle of wine, you only get better with age. Relax and let life take you where it may.
Quote from: FA on April 19, 2014, 10:24:25 PM
I'll try to answer that. I felt old before I was 20. Ancient at 23. 30? I honestly hoped I'd be dead by that time. I think pretty girls get obsessed with this stuff cause it's the main thing people say to us. Nobody ever shuts up about it, so we know it's all anyone cares about. We also know it won't last forever. I hate to to say this - but if I had been a ugly, flat chested girl? Maybe I would have actually developed some self-worth. :(
Hmm... hadn't considered that. Maybe that's why I didn't see this as much... all of my female friends during those years were math nerds, science nerds, and theater geeks. So I guess maybe that's why my experience is a bit tainted... I was mostly around girls who'd long since given up on being pretty and popular, and were perfectly content with their small geeky social circles.
Quote from: Carrie Liz on April 19, 2014, 10:47:52 PM
Quote from: FA on April 19, 2014, 10:24:25 PM
I'll try to answer that. I felt old before I was 20. Ancient at 23. 30? I honestly hoped I'd be dead by that time. I think pretty girls get obsessed with this stuff cause it's the main thing people say to us. Nobody ever shuts up about it, so we know it's all anyone cares about. We also know it won't last forever. I hate to to say this - but if I had been a ugly, flat chested girl? Maybe I would have actually developed some self-worth. :(
Hmm... hadn't considered that. Maybe that's why I didn't see this as much... all of my female friends during those years were tomboys, math nerds, and theater geeks. So I guess maybe that's why my experience is a bit tainted...
maybe. definitely a different world when everyone's obsessed with your face and tits.
Anyway, I love this song and the video kind of illustrates my point. Look at Alicia and Liv Tyler. Now try to imagine they're 40. Or even 30. Nobody cares. The video would never have been made. But it's not just the video. That's the difference between being a pretty girl at 16, 20. Or maybe even 27. And after. It's a whole different world. Everybody loves you as a young, pretty thing. Everybody - men, women, everybody.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mhn4wk6iLbU
I mean, would he still be saying 'I need your loooove' if they were 30? Doubtful. Well, maybe not, because one of them's his daughter, but you get my drift. :P
Quote from: Veronica M on April 19, 2014, 10:26:30 PM
Sad Panda... If that is you in your avatar, in my opinion you don't need FFS... Your absolutely gorgeous.. And like a fine bottle of wine, you only get better with age. Relax and let life take you where it may.
If women age like a fine bottle of wine then why do they all want to be young again?
I don't know...
But the FFS thing was about looking younger, not even really about looking prettier, though I want to look prettier too.... I mean they are both things that I want. Anyway lol, I wanna age like Benjamin Button.
Are those Maui Jim's?
Quote from: sad panda on April 19, 2014, 10:56:13 PM
If women age like a fine bottle of wine then why do they all want to be young again?
I don't know...
But the FFS thing was about looking younger, not even really about looking prettier, though I want to look prettier too.... I mean they are both things that I want. Anyway lol, I wanna age like Benjamin Button.
I really don't think all women want to be younger. I know I don't. While perhaps I should have transitioned sooner in life I think I just wasn't ready. But I really don't regret a single day with the exception of a few "That was really stupid" moments... I really like who I am, and even better since I started down the path of transition. I no longer have to be something I am not, and that is exciting for me to say the least. With age comes wisdom and confidence so would I want to be younger??? Not a chance. But you can bet once I am completely out I am going to give you younger girls a run for their money... (Smile)
The Half life of Uranium 238 is 736 million years. The half life of my self is 29 -- Shelley Jackson, Half Life: A Novel.
You should read it. it's about gender, aging , bitterness, bitterness about gender, bitterness about aging, all kind of fun genderey stuff. I started trainstioning at 29, stopped for reasons I care not to explain, restarted when i could at 30, and I think of my life this way: A half life. At least I'll have something, anything--I hope. I had a job once, it was a great job, a job that only women do (since I had to go to conferences and i was the only man there) but they prolly thought I was a lesbian since I looked like a lesbian pre-transtion. Well, I still kinda do, but not so much lately. I mean I really can't detranstion--to what? A half jill, half jack freak who constantly gets asked if they're a hermaphrodite? No thanks. My point is is that hopefully as you get older it will get better. I actually have no point other than to say read that book. It may help you.
I don't know though. Life could get worse. it really can. I know if I talked about detransitioning as much as you do my BF would be gone in a heart beat. If he could he'd chop my junk of himself. Though he really enjoyed it the other night and had to cover my mouth but now I'm just being disgusting and tmi. He even tested me just today and said how would you feel about ya know stop wearing all the women's clothes and makeup and trying to hide your breasts? And I said NO. NO. NO. And he said. Good answer. I worry sometimes bacuse you once metioned detransitioning. I'm really glad you feel that way and are certain of everything now. So I think he sometimes worries he is going too far with me, or went, and then I'm going to up and back out and rip his hear out or something. He nver says he loves me but you don't spend every secongd of half a week with someone and talk and text them constantly and <not allowed> them without a condom (or rawdrog it as he says) if ur not i love.
Really I felt this way when I was your age 9 years ago. Its still there but maybe I'm just numb. But yeah when I see commericals or new clips about wedding, and showers, and women having babaies, I cry...like pretty much eyes my turn into a facet. I can only read fashion mags now cause they just talk about fashion. I read about other stuff, like having babies, and I wanna die.
But I mean other than this and the suckiness of getting an older and being a woman, I mean there's really not much ya can do but deal. And take xanax. Momma's little helper. Seriously, have you consdiered yoga, i know it sounds corny, but it really helps me relax and calm down and i can be an emotional basket case. I'm sure it's been noted.
Hugs xoxoxoxo
I am old, ugly, and happy.
You can take my age and my looks, but I will not trade them for my happiness.
Quote from: Tori on April 19, 2014, 11:21:09 PM
I am old, ugly, and happy.
You can take my age and my looks, but I will not trade them for my happiness.
Tori, you are far from old and not ugly at all... That said I am glad you are happy.
Quote from: Veronica M on April 19, 2014, 11:27:08 PM
Quote from: Tori on April 19, 2014, 11:21:09 PM
I am old, ugly, and happy.
You can take my age and my looks, but I will not trade them for my happiness.
Tori, you are far from old and not ugly at all... That said I am glad you are happy.
Ditto. You look really cute in that new pic. But that's not what's important.
Quote from: FA on April 19, 2014, 10:54:36 PM
Hmm... hadn't considered that. Maybe that's why I didn't see this as much... all of my female friends during those years were tomboys, math nerds, and theater geeks. So I guess maybe that's why my experience is a bit tainted...
maybe. definitely a different world when everyone's obsessed with your face and tits.
Anyway, I love this song and the video kind of illustrates my point. Look at Alicia and Liv Tyler. Now try to imagine they're 40. Or even 30. Nobody cares. The video would never have been made. But it's not just the video. That's the difference between being a pretty girl at 16, 20. Or maybe even 27. And after. It's a whole different world. Everybody loves you as a young, pretty thing. Everybody - men, women, everybody.
Even at 22 I just feel plain. Add being trans to that... where am I gonna get my self worth from? Even if people want me I don't have what they want, except the boobs I guess. Otherwise, I have the promise of what they want but... that's it. They're just projecting. I guess I have some of the personality but saddled with all these old people worries. Even I just go, sigh, must be nice to be young and pretty. I was at a going out of business sale today and the only stuff I liked was the juniors stuff, but it was really packed, and I mean I realized that I was surrounded by a bunch of 15 year old girls, and I just thought, oh yeah, this stuff is made for them, that's why they get the fun and colorful stuff. Cuz they have fun. What am I even doing here?
I hate getting reminded of my age but it feels like everything does... it hurts doubly cuz when I was actually that age I was just losing my life to mental illness. No clue how I'm gonna live with myself in the future. And it makes me wonder, why did I transition again? But I guess as a man it's even harder to be childish as an adult, that's the one benefit?
Quote from: Tori on April 19, 2014, 11:14:32 PM
Are those Maui Jim's?
No lol, they're just from target.
While I can't believe I'm 27 because I really don't honestly feel that old? I'm ok with it. I hold onto the fact that while my body might get old looking, inside I'm a 10 year old nutjob who still runs around blowing raspberries at people, making immature jokes, drawing adult content, and keeping up with the times, new gadgets, always learning new things ect. I was one of those sponge kids. Random facts poured out of my mouth at a young age. I was always told by my older relatives I was wiser past my years and actually that made me feel good inside.
Honestly I hated my body for so long I stopped caring about it. Do I want to look attractive? Sure. Do I want to be unrealistic and and expect my self to be "pretty and attractive" all my life? No. Beauty isn't everything to everybody and that makes me happy because while appearance might make up a small fraction of what others think of you, it's who you are carrying on the inside that usually matters the most. Yeah I sound like a freaking self inspiration book but it's true and anyone you run into who thinks looks are all that matters, aren't worth your time in the day.
What an interesting post reminds me of going fishing in a way. What am I, the 64 candles on my cake or the 17 that my chest keeps telling it is when they itch and hurt ?Or the 22 year old kid that just got back from Vietnam with his brain fried and missing a few parts and pieces and not really knowing who he is because his mother took DES when he was still in the womb ? The point is instead of being a confused human being I was a active productive part of society for a long life till I melted down into a puddle of ---something at age 62.What emerged was a totally different human, being one that thrives on E and shuns T and this was a year before I started hrt on 12/25/2013. I was born again as a new and better version of what I had been. Transitioning to me does not mean being young or beautiful or all that other stuff thats drilled into young peoples heads.It means being ME, and I am alive and truely happy with my life as a comfortable old lady who smiles a whole lot,has a bunch of cats and has truly found an inner peace so many are searching for. JustPat
Quote from: Hex on April 19, 2014, 11:41:03 PM
While I can't believe I'm 27 because I really don't honestly feel that old? I'm ok with it. I hold onto the fact that while my body might get old looking, inside I'm a 10 year old nutjob who still runs around blowing raspberries at people, making immature jokes, drawing adult content, and keeping up with the times, new gadgets, always learning new things ect. I was one of those sponge kids. Random facts poured out of my mouth at a young age. I was always told by my older relatives I was wiser past my years and actually that made me feel good inside.
Honestly I hated my body for so long I stopped caring about it. Do I want to look attractive? Sure. Do I want to be unrealistic and and expect my self to be "pretty and attractive" all my life? No. Beauty isn't everything to everybody and that makes me happy because while appearance might make up a small fraction of what others think of you, it's who you are carrying on the inside that usually matters the most. Yeah I sound like a freaking self inspiration book but it's true and anyone you run into who thinks looks are all that matters, aren't worth your time in the day.
Yeah it does matter most, unfortunately I have nothing inside. :(
Wow! You guys make me smile. Getting old isn't anything to worry about, It takes an awfully long time to make a person. What happens when the pretty fades is the soul gets richer. If you keep learning, trying, loving you get all that and more in return. I'm old - damn old. It is ok. I have a pile of people that I love and love me. I've spent decades in study, play, in love, alone, in the human condition. I've traveled as a youth, as a man, as a woman. I have climbed mountains, swum with dolphins, walked the streets of many cities. It takes a long time to do this.
Yes my body was wrong and I knew it, but I didn't spend my soul despairing. I've loved women, men, been on stage, done science, written code. Life is exactly what you are willing to embrace. Most of you will get to experience the world in your authentic self. I didn't get to do that until very late, but I did, and do, what I can with what I have.
We are always in transition - this one is just more magical. I may never have a lover as a woman, but don't bet on it. I have some great walks in New Zealand yet to do. I want to sail the Mediterranean, see the Serengeti, walk in heels through the Arc De Triomphe.
All this and more is available to all of you. You are beautiful, smart, skilled and lovely. If you want something go for it, this isn't a rehearsal, it is real, and it is fun. Do I make you crazy? Good! I love life and I love you, I hope as much as I hope for anything that you do too.
Julie
Quote from: sad panda on April 19, 2014, 11:59:24 PM
Yeah it does matter most, unfortunately I have nothing inside. :(
Then put some stuff in there. Go pick up a few skills, make some goals, find things you love, find people who actually care about you and not how you look. You gotta actually try at these things but it's no impossible.
Right On Hex!
Quote from: sad panda on April 19, 2014, 11:32:13 PM
Even at 22 I just feel plain. Add being trans to that... where am I gonna get my self worth from? Even if people want me I don't have what they want, except the boobs I guess. Otherwise, I have the promise of what they want but... that's it. They're just projecting. I guess I have some of the personality but saddled with all these old people worries. Even I just go, sigh, must be nice to be young and pretty. I was at a going out of business sale today and the only stuff I liked was the juniors stuff, but it was really packed, and I mean I realized that I was surrounded by a bunch of 15 year old girls, and I just thought, oh yeah, this stuff is made for them, that's why they get the fun and colorful stuff. Cuz they have fun. What am I even doing here?
I hate getting reminded of my age but it feels like everything does... it hurts doubly cuz when I was actually that age I was just losing my life to mental illness. No clue how I'm gonna live with myself in the future. And it makes me wonder, why did I transition again? But I guess as a man it's even harder to be childish as an adult, that's the one benefit?
No lol, they're just from target.
Oh I know how you feel. I got some jeans from the misses section and I wondered over to the juniors. I felt so old being 23 years old there. Still, there were so many cute clothes I wanted, but I only got a skirt. There are some cute stuff at the misses side of things, but I just wish I could wear young girl clothes. Don't get me wrong, a lot of the stuff is just too teenage for me. I am still learning fashion and how to look good.
I just felt like I missed out on a huge part of my girlhood. I maybe have been kind of a gay guy in high school, but I never got to be a girl. I have never even been on a date with a guy either, but I have a few more years of college ahead of me so all is not lost. Maybe I might even lose my virginity.
I don't know... I guess it's just that I'm not attached to anything inside. I mean, I didn't mean to say I'm just a pretty face. I am not. Cuz I spent 8 years of my life alone with no resources where nobody cared about me. I had to do something in that time. I speak a couple languages fluently. I can play fur elise. The whole thing! Lol. I can make anything from pizza to pretzels, bread and bagels to homemade mac n cheese to cake from scratch, without a recipe. I can do calculus... I had a 4.0 in college. I can sew and I can (sort of) sing. I think I can write. Just lots of stuff like that. It doesn't really matter to me though, because none of that stuff is what I really want, and I don't expect anyone to value me for it anyway. I don't even like to tell people stuff like that, I don't want to be those things to them because ultimately they're not me. Just things I did. I cringe when people tell me I'm good at things or something. I don't really know why. But I definitely don't like it.
I just want to have experiences and to love and be loved. I want to feel wanted. I want to live like I did when I was 11. I want to have fun. I want to be young and beautiful forever, but I'm not and I hardly ever was in the first place. :|
Quote from: HoneyBunny on April 20, 2014, 12:16:52 AM
Oh I know how you feel. I got some jeans from the misses section and I wondered over to the juniors. I felt so old being 23 years old there. Still, there were so many cute clothes I wanted, but I only got a skirt. There are some cute stuff at the misses side of things, but I just wish I could wear young girl clothes. Don't get me wrong, a lot of the stuff is just too teenage for me. I am still learning fashion and how to look good.
My closet is full of adorable prints and lace panels and hi-lo hems and patterned leggings and stuff. I buy it but I don't usually wear it because I think people will judge me. Kind of a waste of money but. It's pretty pathetic to want to be something you can't, isn't it...
Oh yeah, the really sad thing is I get the urge to shop in the girl's section. I know people would just think I'm buying it for my daughter or something. But maybe on the inside, I am still a little girl. Maybe I never got past that. Just makes me feel like a monster on the outside.
Sad Panda
For what it is worth my daughter, I admire, and appreciate you. Please let yourself be yourself. You are young and free. Please don't trap yourself in a prison of your own angst. It is too small, too confining for someone as magnificent as you.
Hugs,
July
Quote from: FA on April 19, 2014, 11:31:19 PM
Tori, you are far from old and not ugly at all... That said I am glad you are happy.
Ditto. You look really cute in that new pic. But that's not what's important.
Thanks, I photograph well from one angle. 360 degrees in a circle? How many in a globe?
No wig though. At least there's that small victory. I need one.
Photoshop was used, to reduce the file size of the photo.
Quote from: sad panda on April 20, 2014, 12:29:13 AM
My closet is full of adorable prints and lace panels and hi-lo hems and patterned leggings and stuff. I buy it but I don't usually wear it because I think people will judge me. Kind of a waste of money but. It's pretty pathetic to want to be something you can't, isn't it...
Oh yeah, the really sad thing is I get the urge to shop in the girl's section. I know people would just think I'm buying it for my daughter or something. But maybe on the inside, I am still a little girl. Maybe I never got past that. Just makes me feel like a monster on the outside.
Some times I want to dress like a slut, but i can't lol. I mean I still wear guy clothes alot because they are comfy, but I want to experince that part of my youth I missed where I could dress like a slut. I mean I could theoretically do it now, but I would look like a call girl. Maybe part of it is that I have never had a guy in my life. Still, after I turned 21 my life just started going so fast. It used to be the opposite before that. Maybe that is just part of getting old. I should go get wasted at a bar now that I think about it. I need to think of something because other than finishing college I had no plans after 30.
back to clothes, I still see cis women shopping at forever 21 so all is not lost. Besides, some looks I like some one in their 20s and maybe early 30s can pull off.
Quote from: justpat on April 19, 2014, 11:51:07 PM
What an interesting post reminds me of going fishing in a way. What am I, the 64 candles on my cake or the 17 that my chest keeps telling it is when they itch and hurt ?Or the 22 year old kid that just got back from Vietnam with his brain fried and missing a few parts and pieces and not really knowing who he is because his mother took DES when he was still in the womb ? The point is instead of being a confused human being I was a active productive part of society for a long life till I melted down into a puddle of ---something at age 62.What emerged was a totally different human, being one that thrives on E and shuns T and this was a year before I started hrt on 12/25/2013. I was born again as a new and better version of what I had been. Transitioning to me does not mean being young or beautiful or all that other stuff thats drilled into young peoples heads.It means being ME, and I am alive and truely happy with my life as a comfortable old lady who smiles a whole lot,has a bunch of cats and has truly found an inner peace so many are searching for. JustPat
And a woman who made this girl full of doubt, believe in the goodness loving nature of people again, and gain a confidence in myself I thought I'd lost. So here I am at 49 going on 50 this coming Halloween. If I'm to take the OP's point of view instead of starting my hrt on December 27th, 2013, I should have took that third try is a charm shot at ending it -put the muzzle of my 1911 in my mouth as far as it would go and pulled the trigger. But dammit I'm stronger than that and though I had to at the time started my hrt DIY until I found my Endo, I realized I've alot going for me. I've a very feminine body with nice legs alot of women much younger than I don't have. Sure my face needs a little work but that's no different from any woman my age cis or trans. Yes, I'm a bit of a girly girl and looking my best is important to me. But I also realized 49 in this day and age really isn't that old (and neither is 64 my friend). Yes my face could use a lift and I have my "body parts" I'm unhappy with, But again, is this any different than any other trans or cis women my age? No. I have alot of good years left in me and I plan to do whatever it takes to make me happy as I live them as the woman I am. And I have the two best friends a girl could ask for to support me when I'm feeling down. I feel 30 years younger, I'm alive with energy, and life is good. I too have 4 cat's who also give me much comfort, I own my home and the land it's on, my boat, and my truck are paid for as well.
Yes I wish I'd had transitioned way sooner and there are regrets about that. But the reality is I can't do anything about it but be the best woman I can be now living life to the fullest. Just because I'm 49 also doesn't mean I can't be beautiful either. I pass well wherever I go and that's a huge gift as I see it. So no, I don't believe for a second that my life is over cause I'm 49. On the contrary, it's just beginning. :icon_bunch:
Ally :icon_flower:
Quote from: HoneyBunny on April 20, 2014, 12:55:48 AM
Some times I want to dress like a slut, but i can't lol. I mean I still wear guy clothes alot because they are comfy, but I want to experince that part of my youth I missed where I could dress like a slut. I mean I could theoretically do it now, but I would look like a call girl. Maybe part of it is that I have never had a guy in my life. Still, after I turned 21 my life just started going so fast. It used to be the opposite before that. Maybe that is just part of getting old. I should go get wasted at a bar now that I think about it. I need to think of something because other than finishing college I had no plans after 30.
back to clothes, I still see cis women shopping at forever 21 so all is not lost. Besides, some looks I like some one in their 20s and maybe early 30s can pull off.
Well yeah I shop at forever 21 a lot. I mean sometimes I shop at Claire's. Lol. It's kind of sad. I like buying pastel ->-bleeped-<- from china on ebay. It's cheap and there's no target demographic so I don't have to feel as bad. Honestly when my room gets redecorated it's gonna be my princess room and I don't even care. Sex stuff is confusing to me. I don't really want to dress like a slut but I end up liking guys who are emotionally unavailable anyway. So might as well just be slutty.... (it's not like anyone puts up with me for my personality...)
Anyway I don't really have any plans either...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NOubzHCUt48
Quote from: sad panda on April 20, 2014, 01:08:57 AM
Well yeah I shop at forever 21 a lot. I mean sometimes I shop at Claire's. Lol. It's kind of sad. I like buying pastel ->-bleeped-<- from china on ebay. It's cheap and there's no target demographic so I don't have to feel as bad. Honestly when my room gets redecorated it's gonna be my princess room and I don't even care. Sex stuff is confusing to me. I don't really want to dress like a slut but I end up liking guys who are emotionally unavailable anyway. So might as well just be slutty.... (it's not like anyone puts up with me for my personality...)
Anyway I don't really have any plans either...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NOubzHCUt48
God, I went to the mall a few days ago right when high school kids got out and I just about lost it. On one hand I am happy because I can afford to buy ->-bleeped-<-, but on the other I felt like I missed out on so much of my youth. I need to lose some weight though because the last thing I have is being able to shop at 20 something stores, but I am almost too ->-bleeped-<-ing big to fit into ->-bleeped-<- from forever21. Still, I feel like guys are not paying enough attention to me and I crave their ->-bleeped-<-ing attention for some reason.
and yeah, I really don't plan on living past 30. I think I might make it to 27 or something. Maybe I might take my own life or hopefully I die in a blaze of glory.
Quote from: HoneyBunny on April 20, 2014, 01:26:31 AM
God, I went to the mall a few days ago right when high school kids got out and I just about lost it. On one hand I am happy because I can afford to buy ->-bleeped-<-, but on the other I felt like I missed out on so much of my youth. I need to lose some weight though because the last thing I have is being able to shop at 20 something stores, but I am almost too ->-bleeped-<-ing big to fit into ->-bleeped-<- from forever21. Still, I feel like guys are not paying enough attention to me and I crave their ->-bleeped-<-ing attention for some reason.
and yeah, I really don't plan on living past 30. I think I might make it to 27 or something. Maybe I might take my own life or hopefully I die in a blaze of glory.
Are you sure? They have standard sizes there I think. Well at least up to a large.... I used to be skinnier but my emotional eating and drinking got out of control and I gained 15 lbs late last yr. :( no fun.....
I'm starting to lose it again and that helps. It is the worst feeling to be too fat for all your own clothes. I decided I'm going to get realllllly thin instead. I actually liked how I looked better for the most part before I took HRT. My face was so little. I looked a lot younger than I realized then.
But yeah I don't feel like a human being when I gain weight. It messes with my self-worth again way too much. Just another fun social standard to transition into. Whereas nobody truly cares if a guy is fat. Though I say that and being fat was just as terrible to me as a boy, so who knows....
I just wish it felt like there WAS a life past 30. I'm so happy that all these older transitioners enjoy their lives. I guess it's just a different perspective. :c
Quote from: Tori on April 19, 2014, 11:21:09 PM
I am old, ugly, and happy.
You can take my age and my looks, but I will not trade them for my happiness.
I enjoy your posts.
Lets watch the language folks! :police:
This thread is full of negativity and doesn't really seem logical.
Uhm... What do you think you'd be doing if you were 15 or 16? Probably on YouTube, or playing videogames, or studying, or whatever... It's seriously overrated to be a teenager, specially in this new age where there's so much entertainment indoors that it's pointless to go outside.
I struggled with dysphoria when I was a child, but I didn't have it much as a teen. I had feminine leanings but got away with wearing make-up, shaving my legs, having long hair, so I don't really feel like I missed all that much during my teenage years... I can't think of a single girl that I was jealous of while I was a teenager. They seemed boring, quiet, shallow and introverted, whereas guys would laugh a lot more and seem lively.
I grew up with a pretty big group of friends, both boys and girls hanging out together. We identified with punk/metal stuff, so there were plenty of things we could get away with and I didn't feel that much of a difference between boys and girls' "roles". We went to see music shows together, we went to clubs and bars... and those were the most interesting "social events" we had. Nothing stopping me from doing that now. Is it sleepovers with girls that you miss? I don't know if they're all that cool, I had sleepovers with the guys and we didn't even talk about girls... more like getting into trouble and doing fun stuff.
Facebook didn't exist back then but we had other social networks (hi5 and myspace)... I don't recall ever complimenting a girl or initiating a relationship, but they did, so it was like the gender roles didn't exist? I got to look good and didn't care what other people looked like, I did what I wanted with both guys and girls, being loud, being childish, pranking school staff, getting grounded (got expelled from one school at 14), so I really can't see the appeal in being a teenage girl over a teenage boy. Hell, we even wore the same things... Converse shoes, ripped jeans and a black shirt or hoodie. Guys don't even care all that much about you at that age, sorry to say, so relationships are pretty dull and futile. I wouldn't go back to live as a girl... I want to date men, not boys.
You have no freedom, you depend on your parents... if you feel like you can't express yourself in your 20s and only care for being younger than that, then I think you'd be living a pretty boring life. Dysphoria only hit me later, to be honest, once that group of friends kind of washed away and we all found ourselves living apart and in different colleges. There's when I first started to notice gender roles, not as a teenager. I cut my hair to blend in, I started having to dress in more formal clothing, people looked like men and women, not boys and girls... so that sucked. I only started feeling like I was a sexual being at that age, so it was also bad... I realised I didn't want to feel "male" in a relationship, I fell in love with a straight guy, and well... that set it all off. That's when I started to be jealous of women (regardless of their age). But during teenagehood I didn't really feel it... I didn't care for what I was, I didn't feel like a girl or a boy, I felt like me. That's still what I feel like... I feel like me... But I don't think that I can blend into society and be me while living as a male, because I started being unable to relate to people around me, I became an introvert, fell into depression... and decided to transition.
The grass is always greener on the other side, but being a teenage girl can't be all that different from being a teenage boy. You're trying to find yourself, you don't know what you want, you like getting attention... Maybe it's a cultural thing? Like, there's 3 times more MtFs in the US than FtMs, but out here there's 3 times more FtMs than MtFs. Maybe gender roles are more of a thing over there, I don't know... I feel like I'm missing out on my life now, I feel like these are my good years, but as a teenager not really, was pretty oblivious to what gender roles even were, lol.
Quote from: SammyRose on April 19, 2014, 09:01:13 PMJust something which I've noticed, it's the younger transitioners that seem to have the hardest time of it ( except in physical change ).
In terms of finances and job stability, yeah, for sure. That's definitely an issue for me and the vast majority of other young transitioners. I've got to figure out how to pay for prescriptions and how to save on surgery with little to no income, and that's not including basic needs, like you know, eating? (fortunately that's taken care of by a meal plan that is paid for by dad, along with the rest of the school fees, but everything else is up to me, and there's only so much one can make in a summer at minimum wage, making it last all year while still having some money set aside for surgery is very very difficult, especially at our young, impulsive ages.)
Quote from: Mermaid on April 20, 2014, 02:37:01 AM
This thread is full of negativity and doesn't really seem logical.
Uhm... What do you think you'd be doing if you were 15 or 16? Probably on YouTube, or playing videogames, or studying, or whatever... It's seriously overrated to be a teenager, specially in this new age where there's so much entertainment indoors that it's pointless to go outside.
I struggled with dysphoria when I was a child, but I didn't have it much as a teen. I had feminine leanings but got away with wearing make-up, shaving my legs, having long hair, so I don't really feel like I missed all that much during my teenage years... I can't think of a single girl that I was jealous of while I was a teenager. They seemed boring, quiet, shallow and introverted, whereas guys would laugh a lot more and seem lively.
I grew up with a pretty big group of friends, both boys and girls hanging out together. We identified with punk/metal stuff, so there were plenty of things we could get away with and I didn't feel that much of a difference between boys and girls' "roles". We went to see music shows together, we went to clubs and bars... and those were the most interesting "social events" we had. Nothing stopping me from doing that now. Is it sleepovers with girls that you miss? I don't know if they're all that cool, I had sleepovers with the guys and we didn't even talk about girls... more like getting into trouble and doing fun stuff.
Facebook didn't exist back then but we had other social networks (hi5 and myspace)... I don't recall ever complimenting a girl or initiating a relationship, but they did, so it was like the gender roles didn't exist? I got to look good and didn't care what other people looked like, I did what I wanted with both guys and girls, being loud, being childish, pranking school staff, getting grounded (got expelled from one school at 14), so I really can't see the appeal in being a teenage girl over a teenage boy. Hell, we even wore the same things... Converse shoes, ripped jeans and a black shirt or hoodie. Guys don't even care all that much about you at that age, sorry to say, so relationships are pretty dull and futile. I wouldn't go back to live as a girl... I want to date men, not boys.
You have no freedom, you depend on your parents... if you feel like you can't express yourself in your 20s and only care for being younger than that, then I think you'd be living a pretty boring life. Dysphoria only hit me later, to be honest, once that group of friends kind of washed away and we all found ourselves living apart and in different colleges. There's when I first started to notice gender roles, not as a teenager. I cut my hair to blend in, I started having to dress in more formal clothing, people looked like men and women, not boys and girls... so that sucked. I only started feeling like I was a sexual being at that age, so it was also bad... I realised I didn't want to feel "male" in a relationship, I fell in love with a straight guy, and well... that set it all off. That's when I started to be jealous of women (regardless of their age). But during teenagehood I didn't really feel it... I didn't care for what I was, I didn't feel like a girl or a boy, I felt like me. That's still what I feel like... I feel like me... But I don't think that I can blend into society and be me while living as a male, because I started being unable to relate to people around me, I became an introvert, fell into depression... and decided to transition.
The grass is always greener on the other side, but being a teenage girl can't be all that different from being a teenage boy. You're trying to find yourself, you don't know what you want, you like getting attention... Maybe it's a cultural thing? Like, there's 3 times more MtFs in the US than FtMs, but out here there's 3 times more FtMs than MtFs. Maybe gender roles are more of a thing over there, I don't know... I feel like I'm missing out on my life now, I feel like these are my good years, but as a teenager not really, was pretty oblivious to what gender roles even were, lol.
Yeah well I don't know. Maybe I see it differently bc I became a teenager and got boring, shallow and introverted. Nope, I really didn't appreciate it at all. I was too busy hating everything. And yeah, I dreamed of getting old enough to get away from my parents. It's not even like I think it would be different if I did it again... I mean in terms of how I felt about it, but I missed the experiences that make it what it is. FWIW I didn't think about gender roles much then either. Not really until I was 14 or 15, and even then all I remember thinking about was why I never seemed to get along with boys.
But when the freedom of owning my life hit me? I realized that I couldn't handle it anyway. I feel like there's unfinished business in those years... y'know... I have bars to sneak into, I have friends to fight constantly with, drugs to experiment with, I have straight guys to fool around with and they'll kill me if I ever tell anyone? ... or whatever experiences, idk, I was gonna say different things but then I remembered that I was a boy then. Anyway... just the continuation of being younger than that, and the stuff I needed to have done to know where and who I am now in what could be the best years or whatever. Instead I'm still just... lost. And completely underwhelmed.
So part of this is unique to me. But I guess you could ask the OP question as, why trade 60 privileged years for 10 or so underprivileged years and then 50 seriously underprivileged years? You can be femme as a boy. Just get a job in a feminine industry. People love gay makeup artists. People love gay stylists and fashion designers and decorators and stuff. They still get male privilege and cis privilege and they still can basically be who they are.
Instead I'm a girl and now I'm living those crappy teen years indefinitely except I'll stop looking like it at some point. I don't know what the satisfaction in being a girl is anyway. At best I'm a career groupie. At best I am arm candy. Minus the structure and some kinda future of being a teen. At worst I'm trans, depressed and suicidal, powerless, and pretty soon if not already unwanted to boot.
Am I being negative? Yeah, cause the reality is negative..... it is. Just because you can be positive about it doesn't mean it isn't awful. I can't think of too many minorities worse to be than being trans AND a woman, especially once you get old. Older trans women can deal with it because they got the legwork in their life done as a man. That is so different. So why is it worth it? I guess I'm not really trans or something, I don't know. I don't get gender anyway, I'm just stuck in it. :(
I mean, maybe it's a little better at this age if you had pretty definite teen years to figure yourself out, but you're still pre-transition right? Idk, just try it and see I guess... You're gonna change. A alot. Good luck out there babe. :c
By the way, I transitioned after I fell for a straight guy too. I was so naive lol. Before that I never took it seriously. I thought it was a ridiculous idea, now it's my reality, it's so real and nothing can undo it or make it what I wanted it to be... :-\
I'm not sure to what degree my perspective will help anyone since I never really had gender dysphoria.
But at 25, I still feel young.
Quote from: Kimberley Beauregard on April 20, 2014, 03:17:17 AM
I'm not sure to what degree my perspective will help anyone since I never really had gender dysphoria.
But at 25, I still feel young.
Well your thing says you are pre-everything.
I don't think you'll feel young when you are living as a girl. 25 is not young in girl years.
Quote from: sad panda on April 20, 2014, 03:25:12 AM
Well your thing says you are pre-everything.
I don't think you'll feel young when you are living as a girl. 25 is not young in girl years.
So true.
our bodies go to heck after 30. That means I got like 7 years to enjoy life before I start to fall off.
Quote from: sad panda on April 20, 2014, 03:25:12 AM
Well your thing says you are pre-everything.
I don't think you'll feel young when you are living as a girl. 25 is not young in girl years.
Tell me more, Nostradomus.
Quote from: sad panda on April 20, 2014, 03:25:12 AM
Well your thing says you are pre-everything.
I don't think you'll feel young when you are living as a girl. 25 is not young in girl years.
I suppose not. But that might be because by the time I start to transition - and with my current situation, IF I decide to transition - I'll be at that age where I start feeling old. Maybe late twenties and thirties? 25 is still relatively young for me, even though I don't do the things I did in my late teens.
Quote from: sad panda on April 20, 2014, 03:25:12 AM25 is not young in girl years.
There's not that many differences between a 20-22 year old girl and a 28 year old one... I find that I'm always completely off when trying to guess people's age. It depends more on what you dress than on what your face or body looks like... I've been surprised many times by girls who I think are my age, then they tell me they're 26 or 27.
Age is very relative, even for guys. A guy who lost hair after puberty is going to look much worse than a guy who's like 32 and has a head full of hair.
You look good for as long as you look good, it's genetics, people don't have expiration dates.
I can't help but think it's a little silly to come on a support site for transgender people and hear people say 25 is an old age... it's just... absurd? You can't measure stuff like this. People either look good or they don't.
I work alongside a 27-year-old woman. I thought she was early twenties when I first met her.
I didn't say 25 can't pass for 20... it's not young though.... I would be pretty surprised to meet a 25 y/o cis girl who didn't feel old..
Quote from: sad panda on April 20, 2014, 03:44:38 AM
I didn't say 25 can't pass for 20... it's not young though.... I would be pretty surprised to meet a 25 y/o cis girl who didn't feel old..
Surprise yourself.
:)
Thank god I dont have that age dysphoria thing
Im 19 , im young!
and I will be young even when I reach 30 or something,even 40
60 is old
25 isnt
lol
Dead is old.
Everything else is, "Possible".
Quote from: sad panda on April 20, 2014, 03:44:38 AMI would be pretty surprised to meet a 25 y/o cis girl who didn't feel old..
Well, that's their problem. I don't measure what I'm worth by putting myself up against other people and making comparisons, wondering how much happier I'd be if I were them.
While you're at it, I would be surprised to find any girl of any age who's never felt ugly. Teenage girls in particular must have it bad.
People who aren't insecure are rare. People are stupid, they just are. They're not individuals, they're impressionable masses with no self-esteem that only feel validated when someone else does it for them, hence this age thing. I mean, seriously, if you don't like who you are or what you look like, how would a number change how you feel about yourself? We're talking about 4 year gaps here and whatnot. You're not rotting, you're aging. It's a slow process, it doesn't happen overnight... or in a year, or two... It takes decades.
Most girls aren't attractive. Most girls aren't young and those that are don't stay young forever. I think the problem is in our way of living nowadays... we spend so much time detached from the real world and being exposed to unrealistic notions of beauty on TV and the internet, that we don't realise that nobody's perfect, even those who're made out to be. Get out there and look around, nobody's perfect.
Ok...a little perspective is needed here. A bunch of people in their late teens and early 20's talking about being old, and saying that 25 is too old to transition. Seriously?
A while back I was talking to my dad and realized that I'll be his age 40 years from now. He's 74, he just moved to Mexico cause he wanted to, he travels like a crazy person, takes up new hobbies, and is constantly finding new adventures. And he's still not done yet. That's when I realized that life is only short when you're looking back. Looking ahead, life is long. And a lot will happen in 40+ years.
Panda, I get that you feel a sense of loss. But those of us who choose to be positive aren't denying the tough position the universe put us in. We're just choosing to make the best of it and move on instead of dwelling in the pain and letting it cripple us.
Sometimes I wish I had transitioned earlier in life. But I've still got a lot of living to do. So I can wallow in self pity, or I can enjoy what time I have left. I choose the latter.
Quote from: Mermaid on April 20, 2014, 03:59:38 AM
Well, that's their problem. I don't measure what I'm worth by putting myself up against other people and making comparisons, wondering how much happier I'd be if I were them.
While you're at it, I would be surprised to find any girl of any age who's never felt ugly. Teenage girls in particular must have it bad.
People who aren't insecure are rare. People are stupid, they just are. They're not individuals, they're impressionable masses with no self-esteem that only feel validated when someone else does it for them, hence this age thing. I mean, seriously, if you don't like who you are or what you look like, how would a number change how you feel about yourself? We're talking about 4 year gaps here and whatnot. You're not rotting, you're aging. It's a slow process, it doesn't happen overnight... or in a year, or two... It takes decades.
Most girls aren't attractive. Most girls aren't young and those that are don't stay young forever. I think the problem is in our way of living nowadays... we spend so much time detached from the real world and being exposed to unrealistic notions of beauty on TV and the internet, that we don't realise that nobody's perfect, even those who're made out to be. Get out there and look around, nobody's perfect.
Well, it's bad enough when you feel bad about yourself, but when you hit 30ish and stop being valuable to other people too it's got to hurt. As a young girl, yeah, chances are you feel ugly but you might at least know somebody wants you.... in your 30s and beyond, well hopefully you have kids to be needed by or a really exciting lifestyle, or you'll probably be feeling pretty empty.
Quote from: sad panda on April 20, 2014, 04:14:54 AM
Well, it's bad enough when you feel bad about yourself, but when you hit 30ish and stop being valuable to other people too it's got to hurt. As a young girl, yeah, chances are you feel ugly but you might at least know somebody wants you.... in your 30s and beyond, well hopefully you have kids to be needed by or a really exciting lifestyle, or you'll probably be feeling pretty empty.
Younger people usually think life ends at 30. They're wrong. I'm 36, and in my experience it isn't even remotely true. In some ways, life gets a lot better.
Panda, life is what you make it. If you don't try to do anything because you're expecting bad things to happen...you'll be right. But if you go after the things you want, it won't always work out, but you'll reach your goals way more often than if you don't try at all.
Quote from: sad panda on April 20, 2014, 04:14:54 AM
Well, it's bad enough when you feel bad about yourself, but when you hit 30ish and stop being valuable to other people too it's got to hurt. As a young girl, yeah, chances are you feel ugly but you might at least know somebody wants you.... in your 30s and beyond, well hopefully you have kids to be needed by or a really exciting lifestyle, or you'll probably be feeling pretty empty.
And how the hell would you know?
I'm the wrong side of 30 and my life is more fullfilling and happier than it's ever been. I don't have kids, and my lifestyle is not super exciting. What I do have in my life is a bunch of peolpe who calculcate my worth based upon my personaility and character, not just my looks.
Although I don't know why I bother to say any of this, you'll just dismiss it as the ramblings of an old person demented by the passage of time.
Quote from: kate on April 20, 2014, 03:54:25 AM
Babe, your 22. That's not remotely old and you have so much to look forward to.
In regards to your point about de-transition making you look younger, it may not. Skin becomes thicker, you may develop acne, you may develop a male hairline, all of these things will move you further from boy and more to man. Just some food for thought.
I got past believing I could ever look like a man though. I mean because of bone structure. Basically my head is too small, esp my jaw, and then my body. I hit this point as a boy where to other people, i just stopped aging, even though my skin was getting worse. I'm not sure what would happen with my skin but i think I probably would look weird, yeah. Actually I did look weird. I know that now looking at old pictures. So weird how you don't see yourself clearly for a long time...
Quote from: katiej on April 20, 2014, 04:11:14 AM
Ok...a little perspective is needed here. A bunch of people in their late teens and early 20's talking about being old, and saying that 25 is too old to transition. Seriously?
A while back I was talking to my dad and realized that I'll be his age 40 years from now. He's 74, he just moved to Mexico cause he wanted to, he travels like a crazy person, takes up new hobbies, and is constantly finding new adventures. And he's still not done yet. That's when I realized that life is only short when you're looking back. Looking ahead, life is long. And a lot will happen in 40+ years.
Panda, I get that you feel a sense of loss. But those of us who choose to be positive aren't denying the tough position the universe put us in. We're just choosing to make the best of it and move on instead of dwelling in the pain and letting it cripple us.
Sometimes I wish I had transitioned earlier in life. But I've still got a lot of living to do. So I can wallow in self pity, or I can enjoy what time I have left. I choose the latter.
I guess I'm just trying to understand what people get out of transition.
I don't believe it's transition or die. I don't believe there isn't a choice. There are people here who transition at 70. If you can live to 70 you can live to whenever without transitioning. But if you think about it it gets worse, just like thinking about my age dysphoria makes it worse...
But, again, I did not have the same dysphoria so maybe that's why it's not making sense. :) sorry.
But to everyone saying life doesn't end at 30...
I'm not saying it ends for everyone at 30. I'm saying it gets a lot worse for people living as women around then, and the longer they have been living as women the worse it is.
If a cis girl is not a mother, married, or seriously dating at 30 she's probably starting to get pretty anxious. Cause the longer she spends without being needed or committed to by someone, the less viable she is, the less she means to anyone, and it diminishes fast from there. I'm not saying it's universal but honestly for most girls, there is a huge need to be connected to other people, and when your friends all have their own families to be busy with... well, yeah.
I don't see why trans women are an exception if they get the same socialization, especially becuase they can't be a biological mother and they have a restricted dating pool...
Quote from: sad panda on April 20, 2014, 04:14:54 AM
Well, it's bad enough when you feel bad about yourself, but when you hit 30ish and stop being valuable to other people too it's got to hurt. As a young girl, yeah, chances are you feel ugly but you might at least know somebody wants you.... in your 30s and beyond, well hopefully you have kids to be needed by or a really exciting lifestyle, or you'll probably be feeling pretty empty.
Okay, I more or less get what you're trying to say, but... it makes no sense. Please seriously think about it. You're looking at age as a qualitative adjective, when in reality it's more of a quantitive one. You don't have your age stamped on your forehead, other people don't need to know. You can even lie about it, it's
that irrelevant.
If someone I thought was attractive suddenly told me they were 35, I'd still believe my eyes and the age thing wouldn't alter my perception of said person. You're either appealing or you're not, age is one of the most irrelevant factors in determining what you're attracted to... specially because you can't see someone's age with your eyes.
Try to do an exercise where you guess how old people are. You'll see that it's actually very hard... at least for me, I think some people look old, some people look young, but ultimately it's very hard for me to figure out exactly how old someone is, and often I've been surprised at how much my answer was off by.
There are several factors that determine how old someone looks. Facial features are one of them and can be very elusive, since they typically don't change... it's not just about the "skin", which I don't think ages that fast... the average person won't worry about it until they're 35+, and who knows how many more surgeries will be around by then to rejuvenate your looks.
I don't get what you mean by "valuable" to other people. If you're speaking about guys, they literally don't care how old you are. They care how good you look. They're that simple. Truly. My best friend is my age and his girlfriend is 33 or whatever. If you're speaking about friends, I don't think they'll care about your age either. If someone's good for being a friend at 20, why're they not good for being a friend once they're 30?
Try to think rationally about it and not despair about age, you're just bringing yourself unnecessary grief, really. You cannot interfere with getting older, nobody can, but you can act on how good you look.
Furthermore, it's impossible to say that 20-year-old girls look better than 30-year-old girls. Because there's millions of them and it's such an abstract concept... I'm sure that if you were to line them up together, picking out who's pretty and who's not would depend solely on them being pretty or not, which is mostly dependant on their facial features, clothes, hair (which do
not change with age, unless you're putting 50-year-olds next to 20-year-olds, and even then... my mom is 49 and she doesn't look it one bit, I consider her pretty). In the end, your "pretty girls" sample would have girls of all ages. What a surprise, huh.
Quote from: Mermaid on April 20, 2014, 04:39:10 AM
Okay, I more or less get what you're trying to say, but... it makes no sense. Please seriously think about it. You're looking at age as a qualitative adjective, when in reality it's more of a quantitive one. You don't have your age stamped on your forehead, other people don't need to know. You can even lie about it, it's that irrelevant.
If someone I thought was attractive suddenly told me they were 35, I'd still believe my eyes and the age thing wouldn't alter my perception of said person. You're either appealing or you're not, age is one of the most irrelevant factors in determining what you're attracted to... specially because you can't see someone's age with your eyes.
Try to do an exercise where you guess how old people are. You'll see that it's actually very hard... at least for me, I think some people look old, some people look young, but ultimately it's very hard for me to figure out exactly how old someone is, and often I've been surprised at how much my answer was off by.
There are several factors that determine how old someone looks. Facial features are one of them and can be very elusive, since they typically don't change... it's not just about the "skin", which I don't think ages that fast... the average person won't worry about it until they're 35+, and who knows how many more surgeries will be around by then to rejuvenate your looks.
I don't get what you mean by "valuable" to other people. If you're speaking about guys, they literally don't care how old you are. They care how good you look. They're that simple. Truly. My best friend is my age and his girlfriend is 33 or whatever. If you're speaking about friends, I don't think they'll care about your age either. If someone's good for being a friend at 20, why're they not good for being a friend once they're 30?
Try to think rationally about it and not despair about age, you're just bringing yourself unnecessary grief, really. You cannot interfere with getting older, nobody can, but you can act on how good you look.
Furthermore, it's impossible to say that 20-year-old girls look better than 30-year-old girls. Because there's millions of them and it's such an abstract concept... I'm sure that if you were to line them up together, picking out who's pretty and who's not would depend solely on them being pretty or not, which is mostly dependant on their facial features, clothes, hair (which do not change with age, unless you're putting 50-year-olds next to 20-year-olds, and even then... my mom is 49 and she doesn't look it one bit, I consider her pretty). In the end, your "pretty girls" sample would have girls of all ages. What a surprise, huh.
Actually it's not about being a pretty girl. It's about where the bar is set. Around 20, most girls are considered pretty and viable just for being female. In the 30s, you have to be more and more on the pretty end of normal. Most girls are not especially pretty, like you said. And even the prettiest trans girls can struggle with being conventionally pretty compared to cis girls..I mean in the sense of being attractive to partners who prefer women.
So if you're not pretty, not a mom, not married, and trans, which makes all those things harder to achieve.. then what do you have in life in your 30s? Maybe you can make it work but you are seriously disadvantaged because people want prettier girls than you. Most trans women in their 30s with a spouse, a decent job or children got those living as a man,
Quote from: sad panda on April 20, 2014, 04:31:32 AM
I got past believing I could ever look like a man though. I mean because of bone structure. Basically my head is too small, esp my jaw, and then my body. I hit this point as a boy where to other people, i just stopped aging, even though my skin was getting worse. I'm not sure what would happen with my skin but i think I probably would look weird, yeah. Actually I did look weird. I know that now looking at old pictures. So weird how you don't see yourself clearly for a long time...
I guess I'm just trying to understand what people get out of transition.
I don't believe it's transition or die. I don't believe there isn't a choice. There are people here who transition at 70. If you can live to 70 you can live to whenever without transitioning. But if you think about it it gets worse, just like thinking about my age dysphoria makes it worse...
But, again, I did not have the same dysphoria so maybe that's why it's not making sense. :) sorry.
The experiences of trans people are not all the same..
For example, my dysphoria was fairly minor for most of my life, I had a feeling of wrongness and an understanding of what the cause was, but I was never pushed to do anything.. Until someone I barely knew called me out on it. And then my house of cards fell down and I realised just how bad I really did feel.. And how liberating the idea of finally being myself was.. And it was at that point I knew I no longer had a choice about my future.
What have I gotten out of transition? A life where I'm comfortable in who I am and how I'm seen by the world. A life where I'm respected and valued by the people I care about.
Just curious... Why did you pick the username, "Sad Panda"?
Quote from: kelly_aus on April 20, 2014, 04:58:53 AM
The experiences of trans people are not all the same..
For example, my dysphoria was fairly minor for most of my life, I had a feeling of wrongness and an understanding of what the cause was, but I was never pushed to do anything.. Until someone I barely knew called me out on it. And then my house of cards fell down and I realised just how bad I really did feel.. And how liberating the idea of finally being myself was.. And it was at that point I knew I no longer had a choice about my future.
What have I gotten out of transition? A life where I'm comfortable in who I am and how I'm seen by the world. A life where I'm respected and valued by the people I care about.
Thank you. I'm glad that it ended up being worth it for you!
Quote from: Tori on April 20, 2014, 05:08:20 AM
Just curious... Why did you pick the username, "Sad Panda"?
Because I am a sad panda o.o
Then, how on Earth do you type?
This thread became a THING Ladies!!!!
Heh.
We can do it.
Hi friends :police:
Time to take a break and settle down a bit
Topic locked
Thank you
V M
Quote from: sad panda on April 20, 2014, 04:52:18 AM
Actually it's not about being a pretty girl. It's about where the bar is set. Around 20, most girls are considered pretty and viable just for being female. In the 30s, you have to be more and more on the pretty end of normal. Most girls are not especially pretty, like you said. And even the prettiest trans girls can struggle with being conventionally pretty compared to cis girls..I mean in the sense of being attractive to partners who prefer women.
So if you're not pretty, not a mom, not married, and trans, which makes all those things harder to achieve.. then what do you have in life in your 30s? Maybe you can make it work but you are seriously disadvantaged because people want prettier girls than you. Most trans women in their 30s with a spouse, a decent job or children got those living as a man,
This is true to a certain extent. And honestly, if a beautiful woman came into a room looking really young and said she was 35, nobody would care as in they might still want her and everything. But there's a reason women hate to tell their age.
Anyway, sad panda, I feel really bad for having ever talked about this. With this whole 'old at 25' thing, I was trying to describe something women go through. Something I went through. I never meant to make anyone feel bad. There is still life after 30! (well, I wasn't a woman then, so I don't know. but I'm sure there is)
Edit: looks like the topic ended up locked but anyway, I really hope I didn't make you feel this bad sad panda. :(