Spoken from my mom's mouth this evening, as if she was talking to someone else.
Went to visit with her and have dinner, and ended up spending most of the time there talking about my transition, how she's worried about my education and my future. Even went so far as to ask who my partner would be.
She thinks I'm confused no matter how many times I re-affirm the fact that I am indeed a woman. This hurts the most.
I know she's my mom, and I know she's concerned (and she has a right to be concerned too), but...damnit this is sooooo emotionally draining...
~Fae
gay? ::)
Quote from: Katia on July 23, 2007, 12:17:12 AM
gay? ::)
*nods* Yeah...I am definitely not gay. Gay men, AFAIK like their masculinity...complete opposite of me. ::)
Quote from: Kiera on July 23, 2007, 11:35:07 AM
It sounds like your mother is at least "on the right track" anyway.
Give Her Time :icon_bunch:
I'm trying Kiera, but it's just really frustrating and it really hurts. My dad is slowly along the same track, he told me "You've been my son for 24 years and now you [me] want to be my daughter?"
He doesn't fully understand yet. I know both my parents love me, but it really hurts that it's going to be a long journey and I just wanted to vent. Thanks Kiera. *hugs*
~Fae
My parent still call me by my male name to. But I went to the local Napa auto part store (they all know me because I grew up here) and got som parts. I left and my dad walked in and they asked him about me and he told them I was now his daughter Mischa. I had to hear it from my mom because dad would never tell me he said that. He's Italian and old world. But that itself made me happy.
So hang in there hun. It only gets better as time progresses.
*big bear hugs*
~Mischa
Just hang in there. She will come around when she finally realizes. It maybe something very incedental about what you have done and things will click for her. You just never know. My mom was the same way. She did accept me, but deep down she could not understand. It wasn't until my mom, wife and myself were out shopping in her little N. California town, and we were eating lunch and the waitress called us ladies and did all the fem. nicknames. She looked at me and said you are a woman. Now, I was 55 at that time. She said that she just didn't see it, she only saw her son dressed funny. She told me that she understands now and that she can see me as her daughter. I have received two birthday cards from her, to her special daughter. It just takes time.
Sheila
Quote from: Kiera on July 23, 2007, 12:01:34 PM
Quote from: Fae on July 23, 2007, 11:44:29 AMHe doesn't fully understand yet. I know both my parents love me . . .
Took you 24 years! They may never understand fully (how could they really?) but just knowing "they know" and "still love you" it seems the worst part is indeed behind you!
Leave it at that for now, don't ask for too much right now and I assure you it will probably only get better!
Happy For You :icon_bunch:
Thanks Kiera. Yeah, I'm not trying to push anything on them right now, but it's going to take some time. Yes it took 24 years to finally accept my gender issues, but I've been struggling with GID since about 12 yrs of age (when puberty hit) and I never told anyone until college because I was ashamed of what they would think.
I'm glad that the worst is behind me. To be honest I was expecting it to be a lot worse than it has been...
Quote from: Mischa on July 23, 2007, 04:00:59 PM
My parent still call me by my male name to. But I went to the local Napa auto part store (they all know me because I grew up here) and got som parts. I left and my dad walked in and they asked him about me and he told them I was now his daughter Mischa. I had to hear it from my mom because dad would never tell me he said that. He's Italian and old world. But that itself made me happy.
So hang in there hun. It only gets better as time progresses.
*big bear hugs*
~Mischa
Awwww...that give me a lot of hope Mischa, thanks *hugs back*
Quote from: Sheila on July 23, 2007, 04:18:51 PM
It wasn't until my mom, wife and myself were out shopping in her little N. California town, and we were eating lunch and the waitress called us ladies and did all the fem. nicknames. She looked at me and said you are a woman. Now, I was 55 at that time. She said that she just didn't see it, she only saw her son dressed funny. She told me that she understands now and that she can see me as her daughter. I have received two birthday cards from her, to her special daughter. It just takes time.
Sheila
*smiles* I can only hope my mom will see me as such in the future. :)
~Fae
If I was a parent and my daughter or Son said I am a TS than I would have to support him or her in their transition. I know it would be hard to handle but you have to stick by your family.
I myself have my parents arguing who am more like my father or my Mom and I;m so surprised that they can't see it themselves that I am combo of both my mom and my dad.
My mother and I argued once or twice. Seeing how long I have been fulltime now and quite happy has made all of the difference in the world. We get along just as well as we did before transition.
Good luck and hopefully your mother will come around as well.
yea my mom's the same sort of...she keeps asking me if i'm gay...i just kind of laugh and say no...wish it were that easy lol
People thought I was gay at work years ago long before transition.......anyone who appears feminine gets the gay tag........
I suppose in theory it's true because many people transition and have male partners and technically by law and the church they are still male. But gay men are usually a different species altogether and seek out other men who look like men. Many partners of transsexuals are straight men and are attracted to femininity and women and are certainly not attracted to men in any way.
I have an understanding of where you come from. I came out to my parents around 5 years ago and that didn't go over very well with them.
Quote from: Berliegh on July 31, 2007, 05:14:12 AM
People thought I was gay at work years ago long before transition.......anyone who appears feminine gets the gay tag........
I suppose in theory it's true because many people transition and have male partners and technically by law and the church they are still male. But gay men are usually a different species altogether and seek out other men who look like men. Many partners of transsexuals are straight men and are attracted to femininity and women and are certainly not attracted to men in any way.
As I see it, gay men love and are attracted to masculinity - their own and others. Not the case here... ::)
~Fae
Yeah, The gay label . It's used so often when people don't understand someone being different than they are.
I even struggled with the thought that I might be gay, but then I realized that I wasn't attracted to men.
When I was younger and hit this period of denial, I let my facial hair grow a bit to look more masculin. One day I decided that I was going to shave it off. The next day when I went to work, The first reaction from the guys I worked with, was " you look like you're queer, Come here and get on your knees" :embarrassed: as they pretended to unzip their flys.
Now the comments from the girls was somewhat different. Their comments were more like" You look kind of girlish, gee, I wish I had your curly hair" Also :embarrassed: So this just goes to show how sexes look a you differently and put a label on you.
Not long ago there was a documentary on the movie channel called "Being Gay in the Seventies" I watched with interest as all these gay men talked about their life style. Now, having watched this film, there is absolutly nothing that we have in common with these people that could give someone the impression that we are gay.
Yes! They are very attracted to masculinity because most of them looked more masculin than I ever did or do. ;D
hehe, yeah, i got the gay tag at work, though i came out after 4 months of hrt, so i think they were starting to guess :D
it was serious lols when they were all (especially the yardy boy chef (who thinks hes 50cent)) 'heh, your not gay, oh good'
to be honest, femmy gay boy, and not out ts girl are close at times.... bits of makeup, nailpolish etc dont help, plus people associate 'drag' with gay men... and assume ts is serious drag. i still beat the crap out of the yardy when he calls me battygirl...
hehe, he cant call me a battyboy, because i look nothing like one, but he still tries to make the comment.... :P im apparently a headf*uck...
I thought battygirl was a guy who played cricket who was a "switch hitter" ;) (the jokes probably too subtle).
Battyboy?Battygirl? ??? I understand that Batty in our language ;D means Crazy or Eccentric, but put the Girl or Boy behind it I'm not so sure it means the same thing.
battyboy is a yardie slang term for gay person in this fine kingdom... init.
R :police:
Quote from: morticia on August 01, 2007, 04:07:37 AM
I was washing dishes the other night and I was standing there in just my nighties and I was sort of day dreaming that some guy was coming up from behind and snuggling up to me while I was fixing dinner. Wow! I never had thoughts like that before.
I often daydream like that also, though more often than not I imagine another woman coming up from behind me.
Quote from: morticia on August 01, 2007, 04:07:37 AMAnyway, I don't see myself doing it (sex) before SRS though but it's nice to think about. Never the less, I still don't like men.
I mean I don't like being around them because I can't relate to them. I think they are crude barbarians
and most of them are usually disrespectful towards women. There are some rare exceptions though.
I am becoming less and less attracted to men. As much as part of me would like to end up with a really sexy hunk who would love me and take care of me and treat me like a Goddess (yeah, that's gonna happen)...
I'm pretty much a lesbian. :P
~Fae
Quote from: morticia on August 01, 2007, 11:38:59 PM
Quote from: Fae on August 01, 2007, 11:22:18 PM
Quote from: morticia on August 01, 2007, 04:07:37 AM
I was washing dishes the other night and I was standing there in just my nighties and I was sort of day dreaming that some guy was coming up from behind and snuggling up to me while I was fixing dinner. Wow! I never had thoughts like that before.
I often daydream like that also, though more often than not I imagine another woman coming up from behind me.
Quote from: morticia on August 01, 2007, 04:07:37 AMAnyway, I don't see myself doing it (sex) before SRS though but it's nice to think about. Never the less, I still don't like men.
I mean I don't like being around them because I can't relate to them. I think they are crude barbarians
and most of them are usually disrespectful towards women. There are some rare exceptions though.
I am becoming less and less attracted to men. As much as part of me would like to end up with a really sexy hunk who would love me and take care of me and treat me like a Goddess (yeah, that's gonna happen)...
I'm pretty much a lesbian. :P
~Fae
Oh yes, I agree, that's my first preference. I LOVE women, a lot. I can totally see myself in a lesbian relationship, and would prefer it. But that's not to say that I still don't think about getting a little (or big) d*ck on occasion. ;)
My sexual preference(s) have evolved over time. Estrogen does trippy things to your head and heart.
Last week, my mom had the nerve to also ask me who my partner would be in the future. I was flabbergasted. I told her "I don't care if they have a penis, a vagina, or a six-foot tail, if they love me that's all that matters!"
Man or woman, someone will find me...
~Fae
I told her "I don't care if they have a penis, a vagina, or a six-foot tail, if they love me that's all that matters!"
Man or woman, someone will find me...
~Fae
[/quote] OK, now I'm back to square one! ( confused) :icon_confused2: If we as genetic males transform to women and then date women, that would make us lesbian, which is gay, which is another word for homosexual. Phew!
But being genetic males, that have transformed to female and are still attracted to females, would actually,really make us strait.
Now , If a transwoman is attracted to another transwoman, that would make them Lesbian and gay..If a strait male is attracted to transwomen and he knows that they used to be a G.male, I would believe that would make him also gay.. ??? So, no matter how we look at it, in the end we're probably gay! :eusa_doh:
Gee! I need to take a break and give my head a bit of a shake! :icon_dizzy:
Quote from: morticia on August 02, 2007, 01:32:09 AM
Quote from: Karla B on August 02, 2007, 01:27:54 AM
I told her "I don't care if they have a penis, a vagina, or a six-foot tail, if they love me that's all that matters!"
Man or woman, someone will find me...
~Fae
OK, now I'm back to square one! ( confused) :icon_confused2: If we as genetic males transform to women and then date women, that would make us lesbian, which is gay, which is another word for homosexual. Phew!
But being genetic males, that have transformed to female and are still attracted to females, would actually,really make us strait.
Now , If a transwoman is attracted to another transwoman, that would make them Lesbian and gay..If a strait male is attracted to transwomen and he knows that they used to be a G.male, I would believe that would make him also gay.. ??? So, no matter how we look at it, in the end we're probably gay! :eusa_doh:
Gee! I need to take a break and give my head a bit of a shake! :icon_dizzy:
LOL!! Yeah, it's pretty trippy. But don't try to look at it from an outsider's point of view.
Just go with what works for you and to hell with what the rest of the world thinks.
Yep. Go with what you want and tell off anyone who disagrees.
yes, but not all m2fs when transitioned date women, so can be non gay.... i think the point of the topic is that the mother is afirming that her child is a girl, not a gay male...
Quote from: Karla B on August 02, 2007, 01:27:54 AM
OK, now I'm back to square one! ( confused) :icon_confused2: If we as genetic males transform to women and then date women, that would make us lesbian, which is gay, which is another word for homosexual. Phew!
That's the only part you got right.
The rest is not right. It would not matter what the person was born as. Most importantly, it depends on what the person identifies as and what their partner sees them as. Here's a breakdown:
1. If a transwoman is only attracted to women, that would make them lesbian.
2. If a transwoman is only attracted to men, that would make them straight.
3. If a transwoman is attracted to both men and women, that would make them bisexual.
4. If a transwoman is attracted to another transwoman (assuming the first saw the second as a woman), that would be the same as #1.
5. If a transwoman is attracted to a transman (assuming she saw him as a man), that would be the same as #2.
Personally, I'm #3 myself.
It gets even more complex though. For instance if a transwoman is attracted to men and women, but is in a relationship with another woman, then she is still bisexual, but the relationship is a lesbian relationship.
Quote from: Karla B on August 02, 2007, 01:27:54 AM
But being genetic males, that have transformed to female and are still attracted to females...
Been there, done that.
Quote from: Karla B on August 02, 2007, 01:27:54 AM
Now , If a transwoman is attracted to another transwoman
Been there, done that too. In fact I'm currently in a relationship with one.
Quote from: Karla B on August 02, 2007, 01:27:54 AM
If a strait male is attracted to transwomen and he knows that they used to be a G.male, I would believe that would make him also gay.. ???
That one depends on what he attracted to. If he's attracted to the fact that you have male genitalia, then yes, it would make him gay. If he's attracted to your femininity, then he would be straight. And yes, I've been with a straight male who knew I had transitioned before.
Quote from: Karla B on August 02, 2007, 01:27:54 AMSo, no matter how we look at it, in the end we're probably gay!
Not necessarily, unless you identify as both male
and female.
I've also been with an FTM before, several men who didn't know I transitioned, and GGs who knew I transitioned and ones that didn't. That's why I seem well versed on the orientations. I've even had gay guys who read me and were seriously hitting on me, which pissed me off because I knew they were not seeing me as a woman. Oh, and all these experiences have occurred within just over this past year. :P
Thank you Melissa, for shedding some light on this subject. I realize that we veered of the origanal question with this subject, but someone had started by saying, that often transwomen end up getting a gay label. Now, reading the posts that followed that, they raised alot of questions in my mind about my own sexuality.
Like I mentioned in an earlier post, I've seen some of the gay life style and I couldn't really see anything that we had in common with them, that would cause people to put a gay label on us.
I geuss that's why I'm here, to learn from others like yourself that have been through these kind of issues and are experienced. :)
I geuss the others are right when they say "don't worry about it,just go with the flow"
Quote from: Rachael on August 02, 2007, 10:58:12 AM
i think the point of the topic is that the mother is afirming that her child is a girl, not a gay male...
Sorry, but my mom has yet to see me as a woman, and when she made that statement she was flabbergasted, as if she was suggesting that it would be easier for everyone (except for me ::)) if I was gay.
Quote from: Melissa on August 02, 2007, 01:56:39 PM
Quote from: Karla B on August 02, 2007, 01:27:54 AM
OK, now I'm back to square one! ( confused) :icon_confused2: If we as genetic males transform to women and then date women, that would make us lesbian, which is gay, which is another word for homosexual. Phew!
That's the only part you got right.
The rest is not right. It would not matter what the person was born as. Most importantly, it depends on what the person identifies as and what their partner sees them as. Here's a breakdown:
1. If a transwoman is only attracted to women, that would make them lesbian.
2. If a transwoman is only attracted to men, that would make them straight.
3. If a transwoman is attracted to both men and women, that would make them bisexual.
4. If a transwoman is attracted to another transwoman (assuming the first saw the second as a woman), that would be the same as #1.
5. If a transwoman is attracted to a transman (assuming she saw him as a man), that would be the same as #2.
Personally, I'm #3 myself.
It gets even more complex though. For instance if a transwoman is attracted to men and women, but is in a relationship with another woman, then she is still bisexual, but the relationship is a lesbian relationship.
Quote from: Karla B on August 02, 2007, 01:27:54 AM
But being genetic males, that have transformed to female and are still attracted to females...
Been there, done that.
Quote from: Karla B on August 02, 2007, 01:27:54 AM
Now , If a transwoman is attracted to another transwoman
Been there, done that too. In fact I'm currently in a relationship with one.
Quote from: Karla B on August 02, 2007, 01:27:54 AM
If a strait male is attracted to transwomen and he knows that they used to be a G.male, I would believe that would make him also gay.. ???
That one depends on what he attracted to. If he's attracted to the fact that you have male genitalia, then yes, it would make him gay. If he's attracted to your femininity, then he would be straight. And yes, I've been with a straight male who knew I had transitioned before.
Quote from: Karla B on August 02, 2007, 01:27:54 AMSo, no matter how we look at it, in the end we're probably gay!
Not necessarily, unless you identify as both male and female.
I've also been with an FTM before, several men who didn't know I transitioned, and GGs who knew I transitioned and ones that didn't. That's why I seem well versed on the orientations. I've even had gay guys who read me and were seriously hitting on me, which pissed me off because I knew they were not seeing me as a woman. Oh, and all these experiences have occurred within just over this past year. :P
It does depend on the people involved, but as transgendered individuals, I read somewhere that when we are with another person sexually, we are committing both a heterosexual act, and a homosexual act at the same time.
I'm leaning more towards #1 myself Melissa ;D
~Fae
I think the mention of the gay label is more referring to that some people are under the misconception that we are really gay men who are only transitioning so we can be with other men in a way that is acceptable to society. In reality, those people are really just straight women who are trapped in a male role/body. I actually had somebody say this about me when I first started transitioning. The irony is that I was pretty much exclusively attracted to women at that time. Once on hormones, I started noticing guys more and decided I was bisexual. I did have some bi tendencies before transition, like an urge to kiss certain guys, but I never acted on it or let anybody know.
After being on hormones for over a year and a half now, my interests go back and forth between being more attracted to men and being more attracted to women. At this point in time, I'm more attracted to women, which is good because I have a girlfriend. :) It may change within the next couple of weeks, but then will probably go back again. It's very unpredictable.
african american teenager who buys into the british gangland culture, who cooks food at the place of my employment for serving to customers. = yardie boy chef.
battygirl=gayboi (battyboy) but the guy cant call me a boy, try as he might :P
Quote from: morticia on August 03, 2007, 06:27:58 PM
As for women, I don't care what's in your panties. If you're a woman then you're a woman, I don't care if you're pre-op, non-op, post-op or GG, any of those options is fine with me.
Hormones have expanded my mind and allowed me to see more options in life than the yes/no, 1/0 binary world. There's a large rainbow between one and zero and somewhere in there, I fit in.
Pretty much how I see things too. I've actually gotten sort of comfortable with what's in my panties, though at some point the testicles have to go.
~Fae
Quote from: morticia on August 03, 2007, 09:11:57 PM
Quote from: Fae on August 03, 2007, 09:00:18 PM
Quote from: morticia on August 03, 2007, 06:27:58 PM
As for women, I don't care what's in your panties. If you're a woman then you're a woman, I don't care if you're pre-op, non-op, post-op or GG, any of those options is fine with me.
Hormones have expanded my mind and allowed me to see more options in life than the yes/no, 1/0 binary world. There's a large rainbow between one and zero and somewhere in there, I fit in.
Pretty much how I see things too. I've actually gotten sort of comfortable with what's in my panties, though at some point the testicles have to go.
~Fae
What's in *my panties* causes me physical discomfort and emotional distress. It has to go. And the sooner the better.
I try not to be disgusted with it because I may be stuck with it for a long time yet. But that doesn't mean I can't hate what down there. What I was really alluding to was that it's not a big deal to me what's in *your panties* as long as you're a woman and happy with it. If it doesn't bother you then it doesn't bother me. I just like women. Period. All women.
/me runs :P
yeah same, since hrt has given me a female body, whats in my knickers REALLY doesnt fit, and causes me great discomfort... even more so when it looks like someone superglued it on as a sick joke...
Quote from: Rachael on August 03, 2007, 09:24:33 PM
Quote from: morticia on August 03, 2007, 09:11:57 PM
Quote from: Fae on August 03, 2007, 09:00:18 PM
Quote from: morticia on August 03, 2007, 06:27:58 PM
As for women, I don't care what's in your panties. If you're a woman then you're a woman, I don't care if you're pre-op, non-op, post-op or GG, any of those options is fine with me.
Hormones have expanded my mind and allowed me to see more options in life than the yes/no, 1/0 binary world. There's a large rainbow between one and zero and somewhere in there, I fit in.
Pretty much how I see things too. I've actually gotten sort of comfortable with what's in my panties, though at some point the testicles have to go.
~Fae
What's in *my panties* causes me physical discomfort and emotional distress. It has to go. And the sooner the better.
I try not to be disgusted with it because I may be stuck with it for a long time yet. But that doesn't mean I can't hate what down there. What I was really alluding to was that it's not a big deal to me what's in *your panties* as long as you're a woman and happy with it. If it doesn't bother you then it doesn't bother me. I just like women. Period. All women.
/me runs :P
yeah same, since hrt has given me a female body, whats in my knickers REALLY doesnt fit, and causes me great discomfort... even more so when it looks like someone superglued it on as a sick joke...
But wouldn't you agree that what's between your legs doesn't define you as a woman? For myself, yes, there are some days when I really *hate* the damn thing...but it's there, and right now the only real alternative is to get an Orchi, have both testicles and the scrotal tissue removed, and live with the rest.
~Fae
oh no, its got no bearing on me... i COULD live with it if i had to... (will get callled non trans now) i mean, i socialise as female, live work everything, i just cant wear skinny jeans :P
R :police: