This is about what you should have been able to do, no matter which gender your body shape was, but for some reason just couldn't.
I mean, were there any dreams that you had when you were young, dreams that you just couldn't seem to fulfill, but which somehow you were able to accomplish only AFTER you transitioned (or started transitioning)? If so, why do you think this was so?
Yeah, use the ladies bathroom! :D
Quote from: Alainaluvsu on May 26, 2014, 04:18:40 PM
Yeah, use the ladies bathroom! :D
yea, using the ladies room without security waiting when you came out
date a lady and not be 'lesbian'. The idea of being a lesbian squicked me out real bad, even though my first crush was on a girl at school.
Wear dresses! And knee high boots!
Their is a load of thing should of been able to do.
pick flowers without being mocked.
wear pink without being called guy.
Grow my hair and have it like i wanted.
Be a princess on my birthday.
Wear skirts without being beaten. (just wear what i liked in general)
Learn to use make up how my sisters did.
get my EARS PIERCED when my sister did.
never of been forced away from who i was and have to live a life of pretend.
Not of felt shame for liking what i liked.
felt loved no matter what.
i often think if i was just olloweed all these things i might never of developed body dysphoria. so yeah i think all of the above are what caused much of the depression that come with being me.
I can have genuine interactions with people.
I couldn't before because I was attempting to play a role. Everything I did and said, was what I thought I'd do if I was playing a man.
After transitioning I m able to love more...
Quote from: LordKAT on May 26, 2014, 05:11:44 PM
date a lady and not be 'lesbian'. The idea of being a lesbian squicked me out real bad, even though my first crush was on a girl at school.
Date a girl and not be 'straight' :D
Quote from: Ms Grace on May 26, 2014, 05:22:57 PM
Wear dresses! And knee high boots!
Yeah, boots are pretty cool too, though not so into dresses
As far as dreams and stuff go, I'd say just about everything. It's not that to do the stuff I want to do you have to be female, it's more that you need to be able to do and experience stuff I couldn't because of depression. Lot's of learning and experimentation to be done, money required to buy stuff. It's still early days but I'm moving forward in getting my life together and slowly the depression looses tiny bits of ground :laugh:
Flirt with any guy I wanna. Tho its been awkward when they ask for my number after cuz I'm not gonna bother spilling T later...so I always have to make something up. So it can be a reminder of stuff you can't do after transition too...which is frustrating
Be happy for real.
Talk to female friends as an equal, wear comfortable clothes, not shaving my face and arms every day.
I couldn't play guitar prehrt nowhere near as well as I began to after starting estrogen finally. Testosterone was beginning to block my creativity like never before. Not only that but my hands were always so tense, it was really difficult to relax at times. Estrogen changed all of that for the better!
not worry about dying every single second, point blank. i can let my evil side out >:-)
As a WIP,
Being attractive.
Being extra fashionable.
Understanding trans people and turning over my own prejudices.
Meeting Shantel.
Cry, lots.
And be brave, face my fears, be determined.
use the womens restroom, and I also semi enjoy sex now (can actually relax)
Leave lipstick stains on glasses (and sometimes faces). it never ceases to amaze me, as if it was something that could only happen and cartoons.
I have a while before surgery, but after....
I can finally have sex!
Sex would be nice but its not that important to me and certainly not a driving factor for surgery for me.
The one thing that was pretty amazing was the abuse STOPPING after I transitioned. A very young looking blonde femmeish teen boy resulted in verbal and physical abuse from men. Transition led to men smiling at me but it took me ages to realise it was no longer a precursor to violence.
Boobs - As a pre-adolescent teen I envied women for their figures and imagined what it would be like to have a figure. Now I have one and know Bra's are mandatory support :-/
Swimmiing is simply brilliant - I detested swimming at a kid - I felt naked and hated it.
During my induction into school as a five year old(ish) the class were asked for their name, some other info and what do you want to be.
Boys wanted to be train drivers, policemen, etc
Girls wanted to be nurses, hairdressers etc.
I wanted to be a mermaid - this did not get the response I expected.
Another "what to hide" lesson :-)
Not feel afraid all the time.
Look at myself in the mirror and not feel embarrassed.
Explore my body and feel comfortable.
Have someone else explore my body and feel wonderful.
Quote from: Ms Grace on May 26, 2014, 05:22:57 PM
Wear dresses! And knee high boots!
And I bet you look really cute in them!
These are some very nice answers... : )
Crying at weddings and movies, I cried at my own wedding when I married my husband 4 years ago, its so acceptable and normal for a girl to cry, its just a girl thing.
Crying without feeling ashamed or like i'm not allowed. Feeling like life is worth living. Being proud of myself for something. and overall just being myself without filters, around EVERYONE instead of just around my girl-friends.
Another big one that i learned within the first month of hormones ~ Smiling. Before transition, in the entirety of 23 years, I could never genuinely smile; I never felt I had anything to smile about. You could only catch a smile if I was laughing at a joke or something funny, but my smiles were so forced that my eyes weren't the only give-away, it was everything about my smiles that gave away my misery.
It feels so good to hear not just my friends, but my older brother, tell me that he can tell i'm much happier now and that my face glows like it never has in my entire past.
Absolutely - smiling and crying both are new to me as of the past year and a half (crying less so).
I'd say 'taking pride in my appearance' is a definite novelty.
Quote from: ZoeM on May 28, 2014, 02:09:51 PM
I'd say 'taking pride in my appearance' is a definite novelty.
Not just that, I'd say even caring about my appearance is a new thing. Before it was:
Is my hair in obvious need of washing?
Do I need to shave?
Are my clothes stained, smelly or falling apart?
Do I look like I'm homeless?
If no to all of the above, then good to go.
Now I actually care to the point I'm seriously looking at the clothes I have and dismissing some. But I've not got to the point of taking pride yet. Need to get new clothes and try combinations/styles out first. But the fact that it is possible to actually want to wear stuff that looks good, at a more emotional level, is something I didn't really realise happens. I just assumed everyone did it to fit in or something.
Quote from: Goldfish on May 28, 2014, 02:20:30 PM
Not just that, I'd say even caring about my appearance is a new thing. Before it was:
Is my hair in obvious need of washing?
Do I need to shave?
Are my closes stained, smelly or falling apart?
Do I look like I'm homeless?
If no to all of the above, then good to go.
Now I actually care to the point I'm seriously looking at the clothes I have and dismissing some. But I've not got to the point of taking pride yet. Need to get new clothes and try combinations/styles out first. But the fact that it is possible to actually want to wear stuff that looks good, at a more emotional level, is something I didn't really realise happens. I just assumed everyone did it to fit in or something.
Oooh! this is a good one too!
Before, you'd probably would have had to pay me to give a rat's ass about my health or my appearance. My fashion sense was so bad that I couldn't even GIVE my male clothes away, none of my friends wanted it. And getting me to the gym or to groom myself, well lets just say you would have better luck teaching a pet turtle to play dead.
Now i actually work out and eat right, take care of my skin, body, health, appearance. It feels good to actually care about myself. I've also not gotten to the point of taking pride in my appearance, but all roads lead to "hopefully in the future". I actually take time out of my day to always be presentable, which is a huge leap compared to (not even kidding here) wearing the same outfit so often that my friends started seeing me as a cartoon character... I literally wore the same cargo shorts, the same "think green" tee shirt or Paramore Tee shirt, and the same pair of shoes for everything... I would wear that outfit maybe 4-5 times out of the week.... It was depressing.
Quote from: LittleEmily24 on May 28, 2014, 02:33:21 PM
Oooh! this is a good one too!
Before, you'd probably would have had to pay me to give a rat's ass about my health or my appearance. My fashion sense was so bad that I couldn't even GIVE my male clothes away, none of my friends wanted it. And getting me to the gym or to groom myself, well lets just say you would have better luck teaching a pet turtle to play dead.
Now i actually work out and eat right, take care of my skin, body, health, appearance. It feels good to actually care about myself. I've also not gotten to the point of taking pride in my appearance, but all roads lead to "hopefully in the future". I actually take time out of my day to always be presentable, which is a huge leap compared to (not even kidding here) wearing the same outfit so often that my friends started seeing me as a cartoon character... I literally wore the same cargo shorts, the same "think green" tee shirt or Paramore Tee shirt, and the same pair of shoes for everything... I would wear that outfit maybe 4-5 times out of the week.... It was depressing.
Yeah, looked like I was wearing the same clothes most of the time too. Only had 2-3 jeans and 2 jumpers I would wear over the last 5 years. I had other stuff, but I wore the jumpers (and still do) because of the material and its awesome rain and heat resistance. Don't have to bother with a coat.
I guess I could slightly amend what I said. I didn't care enough to care what I was wearing, but I cared enough to choose stuff that I kind of liked on the rare occasion (maybe once a year, less than that recently) I went shopping. As a result, I actually kind of like quite a few of the clothes I have. I recently found a couple of more feminine shirts I brought but never wore out of embarrassment. Actually enjoy them now. And I keep fiddling with my hair ::) keeping it tidyish
I always cared about my health though. Watched what I ate etc. Paying more attention to it now, lose some of that 'male' fat. Hopefully, given a few more months and hrt adjustments, when I decide to try gaining some it'll go in the right places. Mostly.
I've been told by multiple people that I'm a lot more open and free in my social interactions since I started transitioning....people who used to ignore me now seem interested in talking.
Oddly, I've found that I play the piano better - less inhibited, fewer mistakes, better at sight-reading. I don't really know what the connection is, but I don't think it's a coincidence.
Quote from: theadanielle on May 28, 2014, 06:00:08 PM
I've been told by multiple people that I'm a lot more open and free in my social interactions since I started transitioning....people who used to ignore me now seem interested in talking.
Oddly, I've found that I play the piano better - less inhibited, fewer mistakes, better at sight-reading. I don't really know what the connection is, but I don't think it's a coincidence.
Interesting. My guitar playing is far less inhibited as well and my compositions and improvisations flow much more freely while I can also think ahead a few steps farther than I could before. The stuff I have written more recently lacks the darkness and gloom/doom character of my pre HRT works.
Quote from: Jill F on May 28, 2014, 06:12:30 PM
The stuff I have written more recently lacks the darkness and gloom/doom character of my pre HRT works.
damn,,,so true..
actually the only thing I miss about my pre hrt self is the dark songs I was able to write...
As a fellow musician, I have to say that I've been told by people who see me frequently singing at karaoke that my singing voice has improved not just in tone, but in expression and passion. I also move and actually "perform" as opposed to just standing there as I use to do when I was male, I sing with purpose now I suppose. Back then, there was only one song that could make me perform passionately, and it was a dark depressing song that in my interpretation related to my hidden GD and denial lol now I do it with every song I sing (according to what I've been told)
Haven't written anything in a while though, I get better creative motivation from sadness lol happiness is hard to work with for me xD but I guess it takes getting use to after working primarily with ONLY sadness as a motivator
Spend an up to an hour making my mind up about a pair of shoes while shopping.
Giving a damn about my appearance.
Crying when I'm emotional.
Flipping the "bitch switch" on.
Having a make up table.
Wear long skirts.
Wear the oh-so-adorable panties.
Bra shopping!
Shopping in general.
Trying different things with eye makeup.
Not getting mercilessly teased, hazed, assaulted, or harassed for being an effeminate male.
Wearing floral scents.
Appreciating scented candles.
Interior decorating.
A newfound confidence
A whole new perspective on life, like seriously, after living full time grass was just a little bit greener and the rain smelt jsut a little bit better.
Being able to look in the mirror and being pleased.
Having mirrors in the house larger than my hand.
Just to name a few.
-AM
Quote from: Androgynous_Machine on May 28, 2014, 08:34:58 PM
Having mirrors in the house larger than my hand.
-AM
This This This. Feeling good when I see myself in them.
Yeah maybe im a bit vain. But having a cupple of mirrors to catch myself in now. Is much better than the hardly ever use bathroom mirror that made me so depressed before.
Quote from: Goldfish on May 28, 2014, 02:20:30 PM
...Are my closes stained, smelly or falling apart?...If no to all of the above, then good to go...
By "closes," are you referring to underwear?
I'm surprised to not see the simple answer..
Be me.
Quote from: kelly_aus on May 28, 2014, 09:29:35 PM
I'm surprised to not see the simple answer..
Be me.
I agree wholeheartedly, but I didn't know who "me" really was. I lived a lie for so long that I actually believed it.
Quote from: Suziack on May 28, 2014, 09:14:04 PM
By "closes," are you referring to underwear?
Thanks for that one. I meant 'clothes'. I would like to think that I can proof read moderately well, but it seems not ::)
For the record, I change my undies every day, not just once I've worn a hole in them :laugh:
Quote from: FalseHybridPrincess on May 28, 2014, 06:29:39 PM
damn,,,so true..
actually the only thing I miss about my pre hrt self is the dark songs I was able to write...
Funny, but I remember that all my piano improvisations used to be quite sad and dark tunes as well...
enjoying myself at the pool, wearing whatever the heck i feel like wearing, i guess sex but thats not such a big thing. also not having this enormous dark gloominess whenever i look down at my crotch.
Lots of things
Wearing skirts and high heel knee high boots
Wearing make up
Painting my nails
Pantyhose
Wearing hoop earrings
Wearing lingerie
Hmm now since I am post op stuff I want to experience
Vaginal sex
Quote from: noleen111 on May 29, 2014, 02:31:24 PM
Lots of things
Wearing skirts and high heel knee high boots
Wearing make up
Painting my nails
Pantyhose
Wearing hoop earrings
Wearing lingerie
Hmm now since I am post op stuff I want to experience
Vaginal sex
I'm sure that will be a very exciting day for you. I only dream