Or at least the kinda girl I am(read:shallow)
I put too much self worth in looks and beauty, I think. Which is fine on the days I feel confident. Which I do a lot of the time, sometimes to the point of being arrogant.
But other times no. I feel really insecure and self conscious. I find a million things I hate about myself and I feel so ->-bleeped-<-ing worthless.
Some days I'm really greatful for getting to be a girl and starting so young and all that. But others I wish I could just be a boy and put my fingers through my hair and look good and have it not even matter.
Has anyone else become obsessed with the mirror and image. I just hate myself today not even sure why
I think it's rare to find someone who is completely confident and happy with their body.
With regards to feeling it is easier as a boy, sure it can be, certainly faster to get ready, but just remember that the grass always seems greener.
I'd rather be an unattractive woman than a dead man. Just sayin'...
Well,
I am new to all this, and haven't been on hormone therapy. But I can say I identify with what you're saying to some extent. Acknowledging the heavy pressure society puts on women to be "beautiful" can often makes us more shallow, self-conscious about our appearance. Since I have not started anything, this affects me even more because I'm fighting hormones and all.
I guess it's normal for you to feel such way, since most women are conditioned to be put such emphasis on their own looks and taking care of themselves. It is also normal not to like everything in our bodies, there's always something we'd like to correct. No one is perfect, remember, and other people can sympathise with you easily.
It's important when you are feeling that way to recognize that looks are like lucky bets, really. Some people are lucky, others aren't. Yet is the most fragile gift ever... It's ephemeral, and fade as we all age. Therefore, focus more on your personality - a good heart can last forever, and it really is all that matters. But don't hate yourself for liking the way you look, there's nothing wrong with being confident with your body and feeling pretty.
Hope this helps :)
Hi Abby,
You are beautiful! And I'm not just talking about your physical form. Doubting ourselves is, unfortunately, a natural part of the process of transition. Try to not give the doubts too much energy; you don't want to get stuck in a self-fulfilling cycle of doubt and judgement leading to more doubt and judgement. Allow yourself to experience the doubt; wallow in it for a while if you need to. But get back to self-loving excitement about becoming the beautiful young woman that you are as quickly as you can.
Nothing is more beautiful and appealing than healthy self-esteem. Never miss an opportunity to deliberately build up your confidence. A good, healthy sense of self worth will not only keep you beautiful for decades to come, but it will also help ease the discomfort of these moments of doubt and judgement.
You are perfect exactly as you are! I can feel it.
Hugs!
I can vibe with this, for me it mostly happens when im naked =/ I think im only good looking with clothes on. I've noticed that this is common in the younger crowd, and i honestly cant begin to tell you why =/ but i have days like that too.. granted it doesnt really make me hate being a girl rather than makes me hate the world we live in where the standards of beauty are for the most part, impossible to achieve because they are also, for the most part, entirely falsified.
If its any consolation though.... i would club baby seals to look like you on your worst day 0_0 (>_< yeah right, i could NEVER do such a thing... but you get the gravity of what i'm saying lol you're totally jaw-dropping)
Quote from: LittleEmily24 on June 12, 2014, 02:23:31 PM
If its any consolation though.... i would club baby seals to look like you on your worst day 0_0 (>_< yeah right, i could NEVER do such a thing... but you get the gravity of what i'm saying lol you're totally jaw-dropping)
Unfortunately, it's often the good looking ones who suffer most. 'Almost' perfect. Girls who aren't very good looking learn quickly they can't compete, and find other sources of self esteem. Whereas for the good looking girl, the importance of her looks is constantly reinforced everywhere she goes.
Also people are both kinder and more cruel to pretty girls. Other girls are more likely to pick out the pretty one's 'flaws', more than they would a plain girl. Guys sometimes do this too. It's a curse and a blessing. Pretty girls get perks, sure. But in the end, the focus on their appearance hurts.
Quote from: Abbyxo on June 11, 2014, 03:39:04 PM
Or at least the kinda girl I am(read:shallow)
lmao.
Someday you'll be old and wrinkled and falling apart. Enjoy it now, while you can.
Quote from: TiffanyT on June 12, 2014, 02:50:26 PM
lmao.
Someday you'll be old and wrinkled and falling apart. Enjoy it now, while you can.
Jeez, It's not THAT bad. It's actually pretty cool considering the alternative.
Quote from: Abbyxo on June 11, 2014, 03:39:04 PM
Or at least the kinda girl I am(read:shallow)
I put too much self worth in looks and beauty, I think. Which is fine on the days I feel confident. Which I do a lot of the time, sometimes to the point of being arrogant.
But other times no. I feel really insecure and self conscious. I find a million things I hate about myself and I feel so ->-bleeped-<-ing worthless.
Some days I'm really greatful for getting to be a girl and starting so young and all that. But others I wish I could just be a boy and put my fingers through my hair and look good and have it not even matter.
Has anyone else become obsessed with the mirror and image. I just hate myself today not even sure why
I don't see you as shallow. I see you as a beautiful young woman. Don't think you are worthless because you aren't.
Welcome to womanhood Abby trans or not. Not being satisfied with your looks. Feeling less than beatiful and critical of yourself. As far as I am concerned you can put a little self worth in your looks because you do have them but don' let that be
the defining characteristic about you.
Yes, I am addicted to the mirror too, cause I am so good looking as a guy and extremely beautiful as a girl and I want to look my best when I grace society with my presence. ;) That is true arrogance. But really not the way I feel. So I really don't see you as that arrogant, just count yourself lucky, 'cause you are way prettier than a lot of cis girls. Definately prettier than any girl in my family. So... Just go with it and enjoy it.
I can't say I hate it.....but there are times it would be nice to just wake up brush teeth, put on a hat and leave the house. Some times I don't do too much more than that, but the way I like to appear still takes more maintenance than it did before!!
The hair is probably my biggest change I have had to accept....many times I am in awe of my hair and can feel very girly looking at myself. Other times it stinks....I can take 15-20 minutes to style it....only to put it up in a pony tail after getting so frustrated. I don't mind a pony tail and for the most part I do feel it makes me look younger...its just that I never had long flowing hair....and damn it I want people to see it!!:)
Sometimes I would like to put on a tshirt without a bra....but then I have nothing....unless its a tank. Even then they don't appear very big but then the nipples show through. Ya this could be one negative of being a women. But I will take all of them over what I faced before.
The one thing that does SUCK is the patronizing and prejudicial attitudes I get from some men. Who the hell do they think they are!!!
Lol, as a girl I just wet down my hair (it was shorter though - not butch, but yeah), brushed my teeth, put on deodorant, threw on a tee and pants and headed out. I'm sure that there were some people who judged me silently but for the most part, no one gave me a bad time. Honestly, I can't recall ever being harassed for the way I dressed or for not wearing makeup. I was only harassed for my appearance when I had BAD acne, like pizza face acne...with mild acne I was left alone. There were times where I'd have like 3 or 4 pimples and never wear make up and no one cared as far as I could tell. I spent years like that.
I think, in part, it's all about perspective. As a teenager, I was insecure, and I felt ugly because of my braces and my broad yet skinny figure. But no one ever called me ugly, or bothered me, and people treated me with respect in stores and stuff. In my early 20s, I did not give a single solitary f* if anyone thought I didn't dress right or look right. Part of that was because I was a "lesbian", so if a guy didn't think I was hot, that was great! haha. But beyond that, I realized that even if I was the sexiest thing to grace this earth, people would hate me for something or other. There's always going to be people who judge, and no one can ever truly escape that. I valued my own comfort over fighting that impossible battle. And I had plenty of people who loved me, respected me, and yes, even found me sexy.
Quote from: Jill F on June 12, 2014, 02:54:44 PM
Jeez, It's not THAT bad. It's actually pretty cool considering the alternative.
What is the alternative? They do say the good die young so in reality I am immortal. ;D I've been thinking about it quite a bit lately and either I am getting wiser the older I get or crazier. Just ain't figured out which one yet or maybe both.
Quote from: FA on June 12, 2014, 02:38:33 PM
Unfortunately, it's often the good looking ones who suffer most. 'Almost' perfect. Girls who aren't very good looking learn quickly they can't compete, and find other sources of self esteem. Whereas for the good looking girl, the importance of her looks is constantly reinforced everywhere she goes.
Also people are both kinder and more cruel to pretty girls. Other girls are more likely to pick out the pretty one's 'flaws', more than they would a plain girl. Guys sometimes do this too. It's a curse and a blessing. Pretty girls get perks, sure. But in the end, the focus on their appearance hurts.
Uhh this. I don't think I'm 'almost perfect' but yes this.
I get compliments and come ons and catcalls a lot when I go out. And lately I've been making a group of friends and and uhh its such a complicated dynamic. Because A. some if them have no idea I'm trans andthen B. I know they only wanted to be my friend because they think I look interesting/modelesque and I know a coupl of the guys wana sleep with me buuut at the same time they're very catty types and I know theyrewatching for every flaw.
Then there's this guy i been dating a bit who wants me to go on vacay with him and his friends in a few weeks and he's very hipster and a lot of them are trendy, and again, catty I know he's thinking he's going to like...'show me off' and he's even discussed 'sharing me' with a couple of them...so I'm stressed about that. Then there's the fact I'll be camming this year.
And I'm just like...stressed. I know my face like the back of my hand and I know every single thing I don't like about myself that maybe other people don't really notice but to me are dramatically highlighted. I've gotten to the point where I'm obsessed with looks. It dictates my life. As an example, today..me and my mom were at the store and I told her to get me false lashes and she was like "ohh come in with me and pick them out" and I was like "no" so she says "why?" and finally I have to tell her it's because the store had flourescent lighting, which washes me out, makes my eyes look baggy etc and what if somebody I knew saw me blah blah..which is actually the reason I stopped going to my LGBT group...I didn't like the flourescents.
Then there's other stuff about being a girl. I hate old men flirting with me and telling me to 'bend over' (don't ask) for them or or crazy people walking up to me and staring at my tits or redneck guys trying to force me to get in their car etc. etc I hate that stuff and I love it too. That's the terrile thing. I hate that it's become all I'm worth but I love feeling like I'm worth it.
And then there's other things. I guess it's not worse per se. I feel like in a lot of situations I doo get treated better. And I fel more important now somehow. But it's just so stressful. There are things d hate either way ofc, but this is the way I'm on and these are the things I hate about it.
I hate being a girl just when I get my period !
Quote from: Abbyxo on June 12, 2014, 06:35:09 PM
know he's thinking he's going to like...'show me off' and he's even discussed 'sharing me' with a couple of them...so I'm stressed about that.
Abby you are better than to be treated this way. I hope you choose not to go as you are not a party favor. You are a woman with feelings, hopes and dreams. This is a total lack of respect if you think this will happen. I hate to see you even considering going with them now. :(
Quote from: Jessica Merriman on June 12, 2014, 06:42:39 PM
Abby you are better than to be treated this way. I hope you choose not to go as you are not a party favor. You are a woman with feelings, hopes and dreams. This is a total lack of respect if you think this will happen. I hate to see you even considering going with them now. :(
Ohh I mean that's not that big a deal to me. I really feel like getting away and then I already toldhim I was open to group stuff at one point. It's not like he'd force me or anything and he's actully really sweet in general, he's just non traditional. Plus we aren't exclusive at all
I'm just worried about making a good impression
Quote from: Abbyxo on June 12, 2014, 06:35:09 PM
Quote from: FA on June 12, 2014, 02:38:33 PM
Unfortunately, it's often the good looking ones who suffer most. 'Almost' perfect. Girls who aren't very good looking learn quickly they can't compete, and find other sources of self esteem. Whereas for the good looking girl, the importance of her looks is constantly reinforced everywhere she goes.
Also people are both kinder and more cruel to pretty girls. Other girls are more likely to pick out the pretty one's 'flaws', more than they would a plain girl. Guys sometimes do this too. It's a curse and a blessing. Pretty girls get perks, sure. But in the end, the focus on their appearance hurts.
Uhh this. I don't think I'm 'almost perfect' but yes this.
I get compliments and come ons and catcalls a lot when I go out. And lately I've been making a group of friends and and uhh its such a complicated dynamic. Because A. some if them have no idea I'm trans andthen B. I know they only wanted to be my friend because they think I look interesting/modelesque and I know a coupl of the guys wana sleep with me buuut at the same time they're very catty types and I know theyrewatching for every flaw.
Then there's this guy i been dating a bit who wants me to go on vacay with him and his friends in a few weeks and he's very hipster and a lot of them are trendy, and again, catty I know he's thinking he's going to like...'show me off' and he's even discussed 'sharing me' with a couple of them...so I'm stressed about that. Then there's the fact I'll be camming this year.
And I'm just like...stressed. I know my face like the back of my hand and I know every single thing I don't like about myself that maybe other people don't really notice but to me are dramatically highlighted. I've gotten to the point where I'm obsessed with looks. It dictates my life. As an example, today..me and my mom were at the store and I told her to get me false lashes and she was like "ohh come in with me and pick them out" and I was like "no" so she says "why?" and finally I have to tell her it's because the store had flourescent lighting, which washes me out, makes my eyes look baggy etc and what if somebody I knew saw me blah blah..which is actually the reason I stopped going to my LGBT group...I didn't like the flourescents.
Then there's other stuff about being a girl. I hate old men flirting with me and telling me to 'bend over' (don't ask) for them or or crazy people walking up to me and staring at my tits or redneck guys trying to force me to get in their car etc. etc I hate that stuff and I love it too. That's the terrile thing. I hate that it's become all I'm worth but I love feeling like I'm worth it.
And then there's other things. I guess it's not worse per se. I feel like in a lot of situations I doo get treated better. And I fel more important now somehow. But it's just so stressful. There are things d hate either way ofc, but this is the way I'm on and these are the things I hate about it.
Aww honey, I know. I know. Not that I was any great beauty or anything, but I get it. The attention feels good, but it's also a hassle. And people can be cruel and insulting - like this guy you're dating. Like Jessica said, this guy does not have your best interest at heart. He just wants to use you.
You're a good looking girl, and also trans. And this means there are people looking to exploit you. Don't let em. You are a gorgeous girl. You don't have to do cams or porn or pictures or turn tricks or anything else. If it's what you need until you get on your feet, you can find a good guy to support you. He may be an older guy, and that's okay as long as he respects and cares for you. I have done it. Many girls have done it. You're too good to be used. This guy does not care about you. Hate to say it, but if he's wanting to pass you around as a party favor as Jessica said... he doesn't care. What if something happens to you? What if one of the guys doesn't know you're trans, finds out, and goes berserk?
You're worth so much more than that.
Quote from: FA on June 12, 2014, 07:04:13 PM
Uhh this. I don't think I'm 'almost perfect' but yes this.
I get compliments and come ons and catcalls a lot when I go out. And lately I've been making a group of friends and and uhh its such a complicated dynamic. Because A. some if them have no idea I'm trans andthen B. I know they only wanted to be my friend because they think I look interesting/modelesque and I know a coupl of the guys wana sleep with me buuut at the same time they're very catty types and I know theyrewatching for every flaw.
Then there's this guy i been dating a bit who wants me to go on vacay with him and his friends in a few weeks and he's very hipster and a lot of them are trendy, and again, catty I know he's thinking he's going to like...'show me off' and he's even discussed 'sharing me' with a couple of them...so I'm stressed about that. Then there's the fact I'll be camming this year.
And I'm just like...stressed. I know my face like the back of my hand and I know every single thing I don't like about myself that maybe other people don't really notice but to me are dramatically highlighted. I've gotten to the point where I'm obsessed with looks. It dictates my life. As an example, today..me and my mom were at the store and I told her to get me false lashes and she was like "ohh come in with me and pick them out" and I was like "no" so she says "why?" and finally I have to tell her it's because the store had flourescent lighting, which washes me out, makes my eyes look baggy etc and what if somebody I knew saw me blah blah..which is actually the reason I stopped going to my LGBT group...I didn't like the flourescents.
Then there's other stuff about being a girl. I hate old men flirting with me and telling me to 'bend over' (don't ask) for them or or crazy people walking up to me and staring at my tits or redneck guys trying to force me to get in their car etc. etc I hate that stuff and I love it too. That's the terrile thing. I hate that it's become all I'm worth but I love feeling like I'm worth it.
And then there's other things. I guess it's not worse per se. I feel like in a lot of situations I doo get treated better. And I fel more important now somehow. But it's just so stressful. There are things d hate either way ofc, but this is the way I'm on and these are the things I hate about it.
Aww honey, I know. I know. Not that I was any great beauty or anything, but I get it. The attention feels good, but it's also a hassle. And people can be cruel and insulting - like this guy you're dating. Like Jessica said, this guy does not have your best interest at heart. He just wants to use you.
You're a good looking girl, and also trans. And this means there are people looking to exploit you. Don't let em. You are a gorgeous girl. You don't have to do cams or porn or pictures or turn tricks or anything else. If it's what you need until you get on your feet, you can find a good guy to support you. He may be an older guy, and that's okay as long as he respects and cares for you. I have done it. Many girls have done it. You're too good to be used. This guy does not care about you. Hate to say it, but if he's wanting to pass you around as a party favor as Jessica said... he doesn't care. What if something happens to you? What if one of the guys doesn't know you're trans, finds out, and goes berserk?
You're worth so much more than that.
Wellll I mean I've kind of been prepping myself for camming. My tumblr has a lot of umm...nsfw lol pics lol. But yeahh .I've actually just published my wishlist and gofund me like two weeks ago and i'v already gotten over $300 dollars worth of cash and gifts for very minor stuff. And i got a lot of followers already. So I could do well in that and I'm not very skilled so it seems wise.
But don't worry id never do prostitution. Or even actual porn. But then as for a sugar daddy, like you said, I don't know.. I've considered it and talkedwith some nice guys. But. I just worry with that that it'll bethe same tging...I'll be dependent on him. And I'm really tired of needing people. Iwant to dosomething on my own. Andthen with a sugar daddy what if he ends updisgusting me? Then I actually have to let him touch m not just look at me. So thats a worry. I mean I dunno I may still try that I'll have to see.
Out but then with the guy, I don't know. We're not in love so I'm not that worried. I think he does care about me in his way and he's always very sweet and complimentary and he's not at all sexually forceful. I think igave you the wrong impression he's a very sweet guy. But yeah I'm not too worried because we're not exclusive. Also his friends are mostly bi and the straight ones are open minded. Tho I know some don't know I'm trans.
Abby! :eusa_wall: What are you going to do when your looks fade? How will you live then? Sorry, I just care about you. I am not trying to be mean at all. I am just in Mom mode big time today and want the best for you. :(
Well, I just worry. Because honestly whatever your relationship to the guy, going in to a situation with a bunch of guys... It could get out of control. I just would not like to put myself in that situation as a woman (or as a perceived woman). Not even if I was making a lot of money. And especially if they don't all know you're trans. I'm thinking you're pre-op? That's doubling the risk as if you were a cis woman. I mean, how much do you trust this guy? What if his 'boys' start getting out of hand?
Again, not trying to be presumptuous, but I'm concerned. I, and many others here care about you and would be devastated if you got hurt.
@Jessica,
I dunno I can't think about that now. I'll think about it when I get there if even make it that far Haha.
@Fa,
Aww thanks I know babe. I just don't see it as that risky. Like I said a lot of the guys are bi. The definitely straight guy has a girlfriend anyway and is very pro LGBT from what I'm told. The guy in question about like...sharing with lol knows I'm trans and thinks I'm hot so he doesn't care.
Also I'm non-op
Quote from: Jessica Merriman on June 12, 2014, 07:49:52 PM
Abby! :eusa_wall: What are you going to do when your looks fade? How will you live then? Sorry, I just care about you. I am not trying to be mean at all. I am just in Mom mode big time today and want the best for you. :(
Then she'll do something else? Like... we aren't static, we can evolve and do different things and be different people at different times in our lives.
And wow at the amount of sex negativity in the thread.
Abby, many of us have the bad days. Some days I really don't want to go outside because there are humans outside and I just don't want to deal with humans that day. Got to do your best to preserve your mental health, to try to be nice to yourself and relax when you get stressed. But not sure it will ever go away for good. Tends to be more about trying to keep yourself in good shape and finding happiness as you can--I don't think there is some kind of perfectly happy, no issues point that I can reach at least.
But if things are bad a lot, then you need to start thinking about doing things differently. Whether that means therapy or living someplace new or drugs or alternate career path or whatever.
As to being shallow... I mean it's not exactly an accident that my girlfriend is super hot. Think we are all a little shallow.
Quote from: Sarah7 on June 12, 2014, 08:34:57 PM
And wow at the amount of sex negativity in the thread.
Well, hope you don't mean people concerned about her date setting her up for his friends to do a train on her. Because yeah, that is sex negative and scary for a woman to be in that situation, let alone non-op. The only time this would be remotely safe is if she knew all the men involved very well. And even then, ->-bleeped-<- could easily get out of hand. And that's not saying anything about the after effects - she's going to be labeled a major slut after this. All these guys are going to talk.
Abby, you are a beautiful girl, don't do this. Don't sell yourself short. I know how tempting validation through sex can be. Don't put yourself in danger. You are worth so much more than your looks and body. So much more.
Quote from: Sarah7 on June 12, 2014, 08:34:57 PM
And wow at the amount of sex negativity in the thread.
This is not helpful at all. There is no negativity about sex here, just the dangerous way she is living. When you place yourself with a group of people in a remote location who you do not know it can get real bad real quick. I had to run too many calls where people were in this same exact situation and most did not end well.
Wellll it's not like it'd be rape. He hinted at it and I told him I was down completely just because I'm open minded and have thought about trying stuff like that before. He's a very kinky guy and he was upfront about that from the beginning so I knew what I was getting g into.
Besides its not even a definite thing. It may not happen. As far as I know we're just going to hang at the beach which is better than sitting home drinking and cutting. Like I said, most of his friends are hipstery liberal types. There's at least 1 gay and I think a lesbian going, then straight couple and the rest are bi guys. It's an open minded, chill bunch, the guy and I have been going out basically a month, by then it'll be 2. It's really no biggie.
Well, please be careful. You never know. I mean, Gwen Araujo thought she was with a bunch of chill guys as well.
John Wayne Gacy dressed as a clown. H.H. Holmes seemed like a perfect gentleman. Jane Toppan was a nurse. Ted Bundy was an all American. Any of these names sound familiar? They were all serial killers dear, every one. Just because they seem like liberal hipsters don't buy it for a second. I don't know what more I can say. I tried. If something happens to you don't say no one tried to help or warn you. Even you said he hinted at a rape scenario.
The last thing I will say is the offer I made you in private still stands if you want an alternative direction in your life. Just know someone believed in you and tried. I hope you don't remember the opportunity you had if something bad happens to you. It will be too painful to bear. :(
Quote from: FA on June 12, 2014, 09:42:56 PM
Well, please be careful. You never know. I mean, Gwen Araujo thought she was with a bunch of chill guys as well.
But she was having sex with guys who didn't know, using a flimsy excuse for why they couldn't touch her junk, which is just plain dumb. And they were urban straight guys.
Like legit i'd have to be a hermit to 100% avoid risk. Seriously girls get raped at parties all the time. Should i just never go to a party cuz a guy might touch my junk without my say so and figure it out and kill me?
Just feel like there has to be a line and I just personally don't see this trip as crosing it. But I nderstand your concern a d I appreciate it, I really really do it means a lot. Thank you guys for caring
Quote from: Jessica Merriman on June 12, 2014, 09:48:25 PM
John Wayne Gacy dressed as a clown. H.H. Holmes seemed like a perfect gentleman. Jane Toppan was a nurse. Ted Bundy was an all American. Any of these names sound familiar? They were all serial killers dear, every one. Just because they seem like liberal hipsters don't buy it for a second. I don't know what more I can say. I tried. If something happens to you don't say no one tried to help or warn you. Even you said he hinted at a rape scenario.
The last thing I will say is the offer I made you in private still stands if you want an alternative direction in your life. Just know someone believed in you and tried. I hope you don't remember the opportunity you had if something bad happens to you. It will be too painful to bear. :(
Again I appreciate the concern but that feels like fearmongery. By that logic I should never go out with any guy ever cuzthey could all be serial killers or rapists or whatever.
But no I never mentioned a rape scenario. I said it wasn't rape because I'm consenting. And it's not likethis guy is so mysterious. I met his parents...hell, theyre baptists! He's really a sweetheart and very affectionate and he wouldn't have even mentioned the other probably if I didn't say, myself that iwas sexually open minded
Quote from: Abbyxo on June 12, 2014, 09:35:45 PM
Wellll it's not like it'd be rape. He hinted at it
What is this then? He DID hint at a rape scenario.
Quote from: Jessica Merriman on June 12, 2014, 10:02:02 PM
What is this then? He DID hint at a rape scenario.
Hehinted at me having sexwith his friend. I didn't phrase that well. Imeant to say its not rape becasus he didn'tforce it on me, he just said maybe we could try and i immediately said I was down
I would like to apologize to everyone reading this. The topic of putting someone's self in danger upset's me because of my career. One of the lesson's I never could learn as a Paramedic was giving up on people and that they are all valuable. I have lost my objectivity in this topic and will leave it now. I feel I have said too much already and it will be held against me and I will be labeled intolerant. I am not intolerant, I just care.
Abby I do care for you that is why I am so worried about you and some of your choices. You are right, it is your life to live as you feel fit. Good luck and try to be safe.
Quote from: Jessica Merriman on June 12, 2014, 10:30:25 PM
I would like to apologize to everyone reading this. The topic of putting someone's self in danger upset's me because of my career. One of the lesson's I never could learn as a Paramedic was giving up on people and that they are all valuable. I have lost my objectivity in this topic and will leave it now. I feel I have said too much already and it will be held against me and I will be labeled intolerant. I am not intolerant, I just care.
Abby I do care for you that is why I am so worried about you and some of your choices. You are right, it is your life to live as you feel fit. Good luck and try to be safe.
I don't think you're intolerant. I think you're a sweet person with a kind heart and I really appreciate your concern. But I am fine and I promise you I'll be careful
Well, the proposed scenario doesn't sound as scary as I initially thought. Just please be careful. Seemingly innocuous situations sometimes turn really bad for the woman, like date rape. Most women know their attackers. Be careful of your surroundings and try not to get into situations where you're vulnerable. Be careful how much you drink, watch your drink so nothing's put in it, etc. Go with your gut. If something doesn't feel right, better safe than sorry.
Okay, I'm sounding like a parent right now. lol You're such a sweet, beautiful girl and we just want you to be safe and happy. And not to sell yourself short.
Abby, there is no way that I will or ever will tell someone what they should or shouldn't do. Too many times, well actually most times, I have been on the shouldn't do end of the spectrum. But some things to consider. Do we ever really know anyone? I have thought I knew people on close personal levels for years and then one day the closet door opens and all the skeletons come falling out. Don't let your guy's family and them being Baptists paint a clear picture of him or his friends. The absolute wildest girl that I ever dated, her dad was a pentecostal preacher. I was extremely wild and willing to do just about anything for a good time or cheap thrill and this girl wanted to do things that even I was apprehensive about. Her brother was a dealer and her sister was a lesbian prostitute. All of this from a wholesome Christian background. So don't think just because his parents have some sort morals that he has those same principles. I am sexually open and a little kinky too but I don't hide it, never did but those that do feel they have to hide it just for whatever reasons seem to let it out in uncontrollable waves or urges. Sometimes they will tend to take it too far. Like I say I am not gonna judge or I won't try to persuade you on what to do, just giving you a head's up. Just trust your intuition and if something doesn't seem right or seems like you are headed into danger, get away or don't go through with whatever. This is for any situation.
Now about reputations. Word gets around and there is absolutely no way of stopping it. I had a really bad reputation and was really proud of it. To prove how manly I was, it was all about how many women with the occasional guy thrown in the mix (just to satisfy the girl in me) that I had or how crazy I could get. Most people thought that I would never make it out of my twenties alive, maybe I wasn't even trying to. Now I am past 40 and when I go home people still talk about the stuff I did that frankly I don't even remember or remember them. I always get "Hey, you are So and So aintcha?" I say yeah and then they start telling me things that I did in the "good ol' days" at this party or that party or this gig or that gig. In other words reputations follow you throughout life. I have absolutely no regrets but if I could do things different you bet I would. Just because I missed out on some possible meaningful relationships for the next wild child like me running hard and fast for a cheap thrill or to add a little bit more to an already bad reputation. Yes I was the one everybody's mama warned them about.
I never tell anyone how to or how they should live thier lives. That is completely up to you as to how you live yours. But take it from someone that has been there, think about what is gonna come down the line in twenty someodd years and be prepared to either own it or double think it now. I own mine and even I am surprized I am not in jail or the cemetary or ever caught anything from anyone else. I'm not proud and not really ashamed either but that reputation costs me a couple of possible really meaningful relationships when I was ready to have them.
Like I said Abby, I am not trying to tell you what or what not to do but rather just be prepared for certain reputations, make sure that you can handle the reputations emotionally and psychologically because reputations follow you throughout your life. With a bad reputation you really need to have a hellacious amount of self esteem and self confidence. Just be careful and use your best judgement.
No matter what you do, I won't think any less of you for doing anything. What worries me is that I don't want you to think less of yourself. So just be careful.
I'm not worried about my reputation. I do freaky ->-bleeped-<- with guys I meet off craigslist and if you do some simple googling you could easily find me being very open about being a ->-bleeped-<-, naked pics, details about my sex life. I'm very open and reputation couldn't mean less to me
Quote from: Jessica Merriman on June 12, 2014, 10:30:25 PM
I would like to apologize to everyone reading this. The topic of putting someone's self in danger upset's me because of my career. One of the lesson's I never could learn as a Paramedic was giving up on people and that they are all valuable. I have lost my objectivity in this topic and will leave it now. I feel I have said too much already and it will be held against me and I will be labeled intolerant. I am not intolerant, I just care.
Abby I do care for you that is why I am so worried about you and some of your choices. You are right, it is your life to live as you feel fit. Good luck and try to be safe.
On the other hand, and like with all self-destructive behaviour, you canot help thosde who do not want to be helped.....
Perhaps is just a way of getting some attention ;)
Quote from: peky on June 13, 2014, 03:33:52 PM
On the other hand, and like with all self-destructive behaviour, you canot help thosde who do not want to be helped.....
Perhaps is just a way of getting some attention ;)
->-bleeped-<- you, you don't know ->-bleeped-<- about me. I don't have to do any of that ->-bleeped-<- to get a guys attention I get plenty of attention. I just WANT to.
Perhaps I just enjoy it? I know you people have backward ideas of how women should behave sexually because you lived most of your lives as men...buut..a woman CAN enjoy her sexuality without being an attention whore.
Just FYI
Jesus, if you're gonna talk ->-bleeped-<- about me ag least go behind mY back.
And the funny thing is, that wasn't even the ->-bleeped-<-ing point of this thread. I was talking about why being a girl sucks sometimes...and actually slut shamers and being trivialized like you just did are another reason why.
That's what 50 years of male socialization gets..people like peky
I just really hate that. I hate when people call me an attention whore all the time because I'm sexual or cut or whatever else. Everybody does that and you're basically saying..ohh none of that is because of things you're actually feeling its about what I think of it, all of that is just so *I* see it. When really I don't care what you think or anyond else. And if I'm talking about it that just means I want to be a little less lonely or I don't see anything wrong with being sexual.
Its such an arrogant chauvinistic thing to say. To call me that. I hate it so much because none of it had anything to do with you or anybody else and if you're not interested? Ignore me. Simple splution
Quote from: Abbyxo on June 13, 2014, 04:28:04 PM
Jesus, if you're gonna talk ->-bleeped-<- about me ag least go behind mY back.
And the funny thing is, that wasn't even the ->-bleeped-<-ing point of this thread. I was talking about why being a girl sucks sometimes...and actually slut shamers and being trivialized like you just did are another reason why.
That's what 50 years of male socialization gets..people like peky
I hope my posts didn't come off that way. Just the situation sounded concerning at first. I'd have responded the same to any girl. Anybody who's lived as a woman for any length of time has probably been in a scary situation at one time or another. I've been fortunate that none of mine turned out bad. Unfortunately, I know a lot of girls for whom it did. So, it's not a judgment on what you do with your sex life at all. Not at all. I'd be the last to judge. Just concerns about your safety and wellbeing. Because sadly, there are a bunch of people out there ready to take advantage of young girls. Just stay safe honey, and only ever do what you want to do. Don't let anybody coerce you.
Quote from: FA on June 13, 2014, 05:03:25 PM
I hope my posts didn't come off that way. Just the situation sounded concerning at first. I'd have responded the same to any girl. Anybody who's lived as a woman for any length of time has probably been in a scary situation at one time or another. I've been fortunate that none of mine turned out bad. Unfortunately, I know a lot of girls for whom it did. So, it's not a judgment on what you do with your sex life at all. Not at all. I'd be the last to judge. Just concerns about your safety and wellbeing. Because sadly, there are a bunch of people out there ready to take advantage of young girls. Just stay safe honey, and only ever do what you want to do. Don't let anybody coerce you.
I wasn't talking about you at all babe. I understand why you were initially worried.
Locking topic