There is a subtle difference but pretty important. I have my own opinions about it, what are yours?
Neither honestly. It was (and is) more about personal comfort.
I did it for survival plain and simple. My recent physical exams, labs, etc. prove conclusively my body is working and functioning much better. :)
I transitioned because I figured out that it was going to be necessary for my survival and I didn't feel like I was ready to be pushing up daisies just yet.
I felt like I was presented with 3 options: continue going crazy, die or give transitioning a shot. I was miserable and needed relief one way or the other.
Loving myself or not wasn't really a factor in that equation. I didn't love nor hate myself before, nor did I know how I'd feel after transitioning. All I knew was that it was likely going to be my best shot at living some semblance of a happy life and that option needed explored.
I used to merely exist, now I am living.
Hey, it worked...
Quote from: Jill F on June 17, 2014, 07:01:19 PM
I transitioned because I figured out that it was going to be necessary for my survival and I didn't feel like I was ready to be pushing up daisies just yet.
I felt like I was presented with 3 options: continue going crazy, die or give transitioning a shot. I was miserable and needed relief one way or the other.
Loving myself or not wasn't really a factor in that equation. I didn't love nor hate myself before, nor did I know how I'd feel after transitioning. All I knew was that it was likely going to be my best shot at living some semblance of a happy life and that option needed explored.
I used to merely exist, now I am living.
Hey, it worked...
It seems like it worked because you seem very laid back and happy, to the point I can't even see you being sad like that. So kudos for finding aproblem and fixing it!
What Abby said it was/is about feeling comfortable with myself. But for me it is also about being happy when I look at myself. I spent a long time (for me) just being "ok" with every aspect of my life which is how I thought I could make it thru this world. I couldnt. I wanted to be better than that. So transition was that for me. My chance to attempt being better than "ok". So far so good on the happiness front.
This is who I am and always was. That fake, useless pile of fecal matter I paraded around as was the public opprobrium, not who I am today. Enough said.
I transitioned for survival and because I needed to love myself. Before I accepted who I was and began transitioning I was going through a total mental breakdown several suicide attempts and was hospitalized four times in a psych ward over the course of five months. I hated myself on a very deep level and didn't understand/ couldn't accept the reason why. Now two years later it is like night and day I didn't realize before that it was possible to be this happy in life.
just to stay alive and not fall a couple thousand feet from a top of my apartment building
Wow. So it seems for many it was a matter of self preservation. For me it was never about admonishing what I was as a male or the necessity to survive. For me, it is - because - I love myself that I wanted to transcend. I find beauty trumps handsomeness and I wanted to elevate to the more fragile and graceful version of me. I guess it's an odd self idealized way for me to become more fiercely protective of myself because of this recognized beauty and vulnerability.
In that sense my answer would be yes, I am transitioning *because* I love myself so much.
I can't see doing anything that would put me in harms way. That's why I'm probably too pure. Maybe too much for my own good. ;D
I'm transitioning because I want to be happy with myself. I hate the body I'm in for many different reasons and I know what I need to do to change that.
There are parts of myself that I love, and I am sculpting those in such a way that they don't get lost with transition, like the fact that I LOVE my butt, I don't want it to get smaller because I love being a guy with a big behind. I like being pretty (to those who consider me such) and I love the fact that being on testosterone hasn't changed that, I'm just a pretty guy instead of a pretty girl now.
I hate my body shape, the sexual organs inside of me, my breasts and my genetic disposition to weight issues and muscle degradation. I want to love my body so part of my transition is toning up and fighting the fat monster to prove to myself and my family that I can beat our genetics to some extent.
I've just been this way since at least 4. for me it's not a question of a prettier self it's more a question of a genetically valid self
For me: neither. Originally I planned to start my transition on this January but since I literally fell apart at the end of the last October (serious sleep deprivation, mental anorexia, mild collapses) I simply couldn't handle it anymore and got an appointment with a therapist 8 weeks ahead of planned start.
After the first appointment several of my previous health problems (which are now listed as of psychogenic origins in my medical report) disappeared: epilepsy, serious digestion issues, circulatory problems... Just two weeks after later I got a clean bill of health with nearly perfect blood tests. Just from that I knew I'm doing the right thing for myself.
I'm asperger so for me it wasn't a question of love or to be beautiful but to finally fix constant depressions and align my body with my female brain which for me doesn't have to include physical beauty. And since the first puberty left me with a rather feminine body type and almost no masculine features the only parts I couldn't withstand is the mess between my legs (I still can't withstand that), body hair (now fixed), facial hair (5th laser depilation next Wednesday) and missing hair (partially fixed).
Although I have to say that thanks to estrogens I started to love myself and gradually be able feel and even express emotions. Not to mention I started to enjoy the life. That was a real surprise to me not to mention what a huge surprise it was for my mother as she was used to me being like a block of ice. I guess I'm not such an extreme asperger case after all. Still my scientific part is more powerful than before as it's no longer distracted :-) .
Both.
Taking time to take care of myself was a hard thing for me to learn how to do. Loving myself gave me the strength to press on until I reached lesson learned.
As for wanting to love myself, I wanted to put bottles of alcohol I didn't want but that were still in my hand down and I wanted a chance to hold on to whom I hold most dear. I don't know what would have happened if I had failed, but I don't think I would have liked myself very much.
I didn't really do it out of any feelings of love, but I do realize now that I actually love my body for the first time in my life and this is something that brings me much comfort.
I transitioned because I was tired of hating myself.
And well, I still hate myself a lot, but at least it's not because I look like some unfixably-masculine overweight hairy beast anymore. :) At least I'm able to smile at my reflection sometimes now, where I never could before.
Because I wanted to love myself. Because I wanted to be myself.
I transitioned because I love myself and deserve to be happy.
To survive; I was another who lived on the edge of existence with no will to keep crawling.
HRT allowed me to live and to be me.
SRS will finally allow my body to match my brain.
I am just starting to transition after trying to commit suicide not giving a crap about what I was eating being in my room 24 seven depressed I finally said ->-bleeped-<- it with the changes in the insurance I cannot be denied for hormones and hopefully soon SRS as well no one else's living my body why am I living for Other ->-bleeped-<-s
Quote from: Evelyn K on June 17, 2014, 08:49:37 PM
Wow. So it seems for many it was a matter of self preservation. For me it was never about admonishing what I was as a male or the necessity to survive. For me, it is - because - I love myself that I wanted to transcend. I find beauty trumps handsomeness and I wanted to elevate to the more fragile and graceful version of me. I guess it's an odd self idealized way for me to become more fiercely protective of myself because of this recognized beauty and vulnerability.
In that sense my answer would be yes, I am transitioning *because* I love myself so much.
I can't see doing anything that would put me in harms way. That's why I'm probably too pure. Maybe too much for my own good. ;D
(^^ piggybacking)
So far I seem to be in the extreme minority.
Maybe I'm transitioning for the wrong reasons. (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Foi59.tinypic.com%2F11t8y9z.jpg&hash=28fc58c8391e9e9a9d167c9251ae54ffcf0810d1)
Oh not that I'm reconsidering. But the many examples here seem much more profound and life mitigating than my admittingly egocentric reasons.
Maybe to take a successful transition you need to be able to potentially give up everything.
Sometimes you can only do that when you have no alternative.
Well I didn't hate myself, but I did hate being male and everything that came with that.
I started transition cause I would hate myself so much I couldnt even function in my everyday activities
I still feel that hate though , just not that much
Because I love and respect myself. Healthy body and a healthy mind, now the body is in the process of matching the mind I am happy. I no it may not be an easy ride, that I may have to give up everything, that it won't make me popular. In essance I am still the same person but now my body finally matches my brain and that is all I would really ask for
Simple, I just want to be happy.
Quote from: Evelyn K on June 18, 2014, 03:55:40 AM
(^^ piggybacking)
So far I seem to be in the extreme minority.
Maybe I'm transitioning for the wrong reasons. (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Foi59.tinypic.com%2F11t8y9z.jpg&hash=28fc58c8391e9e9a9d167c9251ae54ffcf0810d1)
Oh not that I'm reconsidering. But the many examples here seem much more profound and life mitigating than my admittingly egocentric reasons.
If you are okay with what you do, they're not the wrong reasons.
I sometimes wonder if I went for it to spam Susan's with daily threads and flashy signature gifs. But luckily, I got over that phase quite quickly.
I am doing it for one reason, I am selfish. I love myself and I want to be happy and that drives my world view of long term selfishness. Simply put in the long run, I couldn't be happy without transition. Likely in a moment of weakness I wouldn't survive as male.
All of my actions have the same motivation though to be as selfish as possible in the long run.
No, you're not alone in feeling that way. There are a myriad of other reasons, but the one you listed is definitely the most prevalent.
Quote from: Evelyn K on June 17, 2014, 08:49:37 PM
Wow. So it seems for many it was a matter of self preservation. For me it was never about admonishing what I was as a male or the necessity to survive. For me, it is - because - I love myself that I wanted to transcend. I find beauty trumps handsomeness and I wanted to elevate to the more fragile and graceful version of me. I guess it's an odd self idealized way for me to become more fiercely protective of myself because of this recognized beauty and vulnerability.
Ok, Lady Gaga :D
I did it because I got tired of wishing I did before. I got sick of torturing myself
Quote from: Evelyn K on June 17, 2014, 08:49:37 PM
Wow. So it seems for many it was a matter of self preservation. For me it was never about admonishing what I was as a male or the necessity to survive. For me, it is - because - I love myself that I wanted to transcend. I find beauty trumps handsomeness and I wanted to elevate to the more fragile and graceful version of me. I guess it's an odd self idealized way for me to become more fiercely protective of myself because of this recognized beauty and vulnerability.
In that sense my answer would be yes, I am transitioning *because* I love myself so much.
I can't see doing anything that would put me in harms way. That's why I'm probably too pure. Maybe too much for my own good. ;D
Know what? I love you too. I don't recommend transitioning to anyone who can reasonable expect to be happy in another way. I think that is why I admire those who are successful with low level HRT, and manage to keep their relationships and families intact.
As with others for me transition was an existential necessity, but was also an expression of love for the girl inside that had been ignored/repressed/denied/lost for so very long. I did not love my male persona, but I love Julie! She is a lovely, gentle, and beautiful soul. That she is who I am is an honor and a delight. I am happy! What a wonderful experience.
(and to Alainaluvsu, Gaga, is awesome!)
Julie
I love myself because I love myself. (I love you Miharu! I love you! I love you! I love you!)
I transitioned because for me, for the unique individual human that I happen to be, life as a woman in the world is so much more JOYFUL than life lived in any other way.
I learned a very long time ago that the measure of success is the amount of JOY achieved in my life. Nothing, for me, is more important than to seek JOY wherever I may find it.
(Did I mention that I love myself. :-* )
Quote from: JulieBlair on June 18, 2014, 11:13:06 AM
Know what? I love you too. I don't recommend transitioning to anyone who can reasonable expect to be happy in another way. I think that is why I admire those who are successful with low level HRT, and manage to keep their relationships and families intact.
As with others for me transition was an existential necessity, but was also an expression of love for the girl inside that had been ignored/repressed/denied/lost for so very long. I did not love my male persona, but I love Julie! She is a lovely, gentle, and beautiful soul. That she is who I am is an honor and a delight. I am happy! What a wonderful experience.
(and to Alainaluvsu, Gaga, is awesome!)
Julie
Julie I totally get, "the expression of love for the girl inside." Nascent girly habits has probably helped lead me along this path, there was no doubt 'she' was humming a lullaby to me all these years. But it was never a belting driving song akin to Celine Dion. Maybe I should thank her for letting me experience and succeed as a male on my own time while dropping hints of where I may want to go next.
For that I am grateful to 'Evelyn' and thankful for her, as 'Evelyn' is to me.
Quote from: Miharu Barbie on June 18, 2014, 11:28:07 AM
I love myself because I love myself. (I love you Miharu! I love you! I love you! I love you!)
I transitioned because for me, for the unique individual human that I happen to be, life as a woman in the world is so much more JOYFUL than life lived in any other way.
I learned a very long time ago that the measure of success is the amount of JOY achieved in my life. Nothing, for me, is more important than to seek JOY wherever I may find it.
(Did I mention that I love myself. :-* )
You and me alike! Did I mention I want to marry myself... :D
Quote from: Evelyn K on June 18, 2014, 12:00:27 PM
Did I mention I want to marry myself... :D
You have very good taste! ;)
Survival. Seems to be a theme. Every mirrored surface in my environment, every piece of chrome, every puddle, every shop window taunted me. I had reached the end of my rope and was fashioning that end into a noose with which to end the pain. Ellie was screaming from within me like an actor on the Stratford stage, NO NO NO STOP THIS! So. Finally. I accepted who I truly am, I accepted the standing offer from my therapist, I ended the reign of terror imposed upon me by the gonads of my birth. Ellie emerged, breathing easier, smiling serenely.
I had a long painful & meaningless existence before I transitioned, now I have a life and I'm loving being me :)
Quote from: Evelyn K on June 18, 2014, 12:00:27 PM
You and me alike! Did I mention I want to marry myself... :D
That explains a lot! I knew there was some reason that I feel drawn to you, but I couldn't explain it.
Joy seekers of a feather flock together. :D
I transitioned to survive. That is the only reason I did it. Turns out I got this side benefit of learning to love myself through the process, but that really was not the reason I did it. I didn't even know how to love myself or that it was something I needed in my life until I started feeling it for the first time.
Quote from: Miharu Barbie on June 18, 2014, 12:27:54 PM
That explains a lot! I knew there was some reason that I feel drawn to you, but I couldn't explain it.
Joy seekers of a feather flock together. :D
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Foi60.tinypic.com%2F2mg8qs8.jpg&hash=aa2ea192b57b87daa38a109c2120f0acd95ae312)(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Foi60.tinypic.com%2Fj9u0qw.jpg&hash=bf96858ab20e18699ae04edb07da422fb02301a1)
Fly Baby! Fly!
Quote from: Miharu Barbie on June 18, 2014, 11:28:07 AM
I love myself because I love myself. (I love you Miharu! I love you! I love you! I love you!)
I read these words in my head in Natasha Beddingfields voice with the notes and rythm of the song. "These words" :)
Very interesting theme. For me transition wasn't necessity. I didn't started because of need to survive. I don't have any strong female or male identity. I think that my major driving forces were to be better person and be happier. I also simply hated many aspects (mainly physical) of being male. But neither was so intense that I wouldn't survive without transition. By better person I mean that I see female form as next step in my own evolution and I see female form as the better one(please don't take it offensive it is just my internal longing). And I really am convinced that life as a female will be much more interesting. So for me I didn't need to transition but I wanted to. However after few months of hrt(low dose because we want children...) , lasers etc I can't imagine of returning back. Now I am sure I would suffer a strong dysphoria if I would have to stop it, because I like physical changes that are happening... and seeing "ugly" male features comming back would be hell.
This is an interesting question. I didn't expect transition to make me love myself, per se, because that's a process that has so many variables involved.
I also didn't do it as an act of self-love either though. More of self-realization maybe. I simply realized that I was never going to be untrans, no matter what I did, so I just decided that I might as well stop torturing myself because even if I stayed female I'd still have the same problems.
Quote from: stephaniec on June 17, 2014, 08:36:13 PM
just to stay alive and not fall a couple thousand feet from a top of my apartment building
The tallest man made, free standing structure in the world is the Canadian National Tower and it is only 1815' high! Lol sorry to bug couldnt resist that one :P >:-)
I transitioned because I couldn't function as a male in life, have known since I was little that I'm a girl.
So my body has always felt wrong and I couldn't handle it anymore so transition was the only option.
The dysphoria was way too strong to live otherwise
Quote from: Hayley on June 17, 2014, 07:08:45 PM
What Abby said it was/is about feeling comfortable with myself. But for me it is also about being happy when I look at myself. I spent a long time (for me) just being "ok" with every aspect of my life which is how I thought I could make it thru this world. I couldnt. I wanted to be better than that. So transition was that for me. My chance to attempt being better than "ok".
This ^^^ <3
I transitioned so I could stop hating myself, which I have accomplished. Loving myself is still a ways off, but hopefully I'll get there some day.
Quote from: Evelyn K on June 17, 2014, 08:49:37 PM
For me, it is - because - I love myself that I wanted to transcend. I find beauty trumps handsomeness and I wanted to elevate to the more fragile and graceful version of me. I guess it's an odd self idealized way for me to become more fiercely protective of myself because of this recognized beauty and vulnerability.
Quote from: Miharu Barbie on June 18, 2014, 11:28:07 AM
I learned a very long time ago that the measure of success is the amount of JOY achieved in my life. Nothing, for me, is more important than to seek JOY wherever I may find it.
How poetic!
Survival. The stress of carrying this baggage around all these years was killing me gradually.
To look how I feelt on the inside
Personal comfort. I cant really say for sure of i would ever get to a point were i wont hate myself any less than i do now but i can get to a point of self tolerance.
Quote from: Sarah84 on June 18, 2014, 06:47:28 PM
Very interesting theme. For me transition wasn't necessity. I didn't started because of need to survive. I don't have any strong female or male identity. I think that my major driving forces were to be better person and be happier. I also simply hated many aspects (mainly physical) of being male. But neither was so intense that I wouldn't survive without transition. By better person I mean that I see female form as next step in my own evolution and I see female form as the better one(please don't take it offensive it is just my internal longing). And I really am convinced that life as a female will be much more interesting. So for me I didn't need to transition but I wanted to. However after few months of hrt(low dose because we want children...) , lasers etc I can't imagine of returning back. Now I am sure I would suffer a strong dysphoria if I would have to stop it, because I like physical changes that are happening... and seeing "ugly" male features comming back would be hell.
I admittingly just caught this post, you and I are so much alike. What really caught my attention was the dysphoria part; if we where to stop and regress in our transition even though we never felt wholesomely feminine ourselves....
Talk about a self induced dysphoria if there never was one. :laugh:
I felt enough 'feminine' that exploration was needed. I went about this in a more spontaneous way. When I started I never really knew what my outcome would be, all I had was a leap of faith to help confirm some suspicions. I probably did it more intending to help my follicles survive given all we know about testosterone. Early months of HRT was certainly a barometer of what's to come. Insofar as budding breasts and possibly going sterile - it was a gamble that brought light to what the possibilities could be. I rapidly became attractively androgynous. The gamble was so worth it. I love what I'm seeing and to stop now and regress would be a personal tragedy. I absolutely must see more.