Recently I have discovered that I actually have a tumour on my lower back! Hurray! Not. My doctor said it was "nothing serious, easily removed." When I saw him, I have no idea why I didn't post this like the second I found out (probably cause I got distracted) and now I'm really worried because cancer runs in my family, and I have had cancer scares before (none turned out to actually be cancer yet) I actually cried and broke down and text my sister (my transphobic sister, don't ask I was scared!) here's a copy of the text
Sissy, I need you, I know you don't truly hate me, you're confused and conflicted, I'm really scared and I could really use someone to talk to right now. I'm not sure if I'm gonna be able to speak to you much longer, I'm scared, I really need my sissy, please come, please help me, I don't want to die, I love you. If I die, know I love you, please. Remember that time you fell of your bike in the fifth grade and I ran over to you and helped carry you to mommy and daddy? Well now I need you to carry me, just, come please? It might be the last time you see me, please, I just want someone to comfort me, I'm really scared sissy. I love you.
Please note, I've calmed down and though I realize death is a very real outcome in my current situation (as it has been in the past) I am not in full anxiety mode anymore, and half that text spawned from my Panic Disorder and Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I really don't know why my automatic assumption was I'm gonna die, it's really creepy. But yeah, this really sets me back in my transition (if I live) because I'm not allowed to take my hormones a week before and after removal of the tumour.
Well, I love all of you, you've all helped me a lot, and, I'm crying now, and my sister still hasn't come to comfort me, and why does everything bad happen to me?
I love you all.
What! No! We haven't had enough time to be friends! This sucks, oh and your sister, hate to say it but she's a dick. I mean she still hasn't come? After you ->-bleeped-<-ing broke down in fear and worry and BEGGED her to come.
Quote from: JCardiff on July 07, 2014, 09:54:05 PM
What! No! We haven't had enough time to be friends! This sucks, oh and your sister, hate to say it but she's a dick. I mean she still hasn't come? After you ->-bleeped-<-ing broke down in fear and worry and BEGGED her to come.
Yeah, I love you. I'll miss you.
you better survive or so help me i will bring you back from the dead
Quote from: ThePersona on July 07, 2014, 09:54:58 PM
Yeah, I love you. I'll miss you.
WOAH! Don't go talking like you're already dead! I'm not letting you give up! Not today! You are gonna stay as positive as possible, and you are gonna make it through this! I don't care if I have to sell my soul to the Devil, I will make sure you make it through this! And I met you today!
Quote from: JCardiff on July 07, 2014, 09:58:15 PM
WOAH! Don't go talking like you're already dead! I'm not letting you give up! Not today! You are gonna stay as positive as possible, and you are gonna make it through this! I don't care if I have to sell my soul to the Devil, I will make sure you make it through this! And I met you today!
I'm sorry, I have to be realistic, nobody gets lucky as many times as I do without the world evening things out, I've had 26 cancer scares before, odds are against me. I might as well go and accept the fact that I'm probably gonna die.
Though I have one question.
Why the HELL would you sell your soul for somebody you just met today, not to mention you haves girlfriend!
question, why do you think you'll die?
Quote from: Vampire Brianna Terryal Onyx on July 07, 2014, 10:20:54 PM
question, why do you think you'll die?
Because, idk, I just have this feeling, idk, it's probably my anxiety. And natural human fear of death.
Quote from: ThePersona on July 07, 2014, 10:44:27 PM
Because, idk, I just have this feeling, idk, it's probably my anxiety. And natural human fear of death.
well lucky i'm a vampire than. again, so help me if your heart stops for a second, i'll pump you full of vampire blood
Maybe I'd sell my soul for you because your a human being, and at least by selling my soul I get my earthly life, even if I am damned to hell, it just means it doesn't matter what I do on earth, I can do whatever I want, live my life free, and it'd be worth it, cause I'd finally have saved a life.
Quote from: JCardiff on July 07, 2014, 10:51:22 PM
Maybe I'd sell my soul for you because your a human being, and at least by selling my soul I get my earthly life, even if I am damned to hell, it just means it doesn't matter what I do on earth, I can do whatever I want, live my life free, and it'd be worth it, cause I'd finally have saved a life.
actually its worse. if you sell your soul for someone, your life becomes bounded to theirs so thats not something you want to do or if you do, you must think it through because something like that, you just dont do for basically a stranger in context
Quote from: Vampire Brianna Terryal Onyx on July 07, 2014, 10:56:25 PM
actually its worse. if you sell your soul for someone, your life becomes bounded to theirs so thats not something you want to do or if you do, you must think it through because something like that, you just dont do for basically a stranger in context
Oh... I didn't realize it worked like that.
Quote from: JCardiff on July 07, 2014, 11:26:07 PM
Oh... I didn't realize it worked like that.
not suppose to do things that you dont know the full detail able. dabbling into that type of deal has serious consequences. dont think you wanna end up stuck with a stranger in context
Quote from: Vampire Brianna Terryal Onyx on July 07, 2014, 11:33:49 PM
not suppose to do things that you dont know the full detail able. dabbling into that type of deal has serious consequences. dont think you wanna end up stuck with a stranger in context
Haha, no I really don't, especially one that's so pessimistic!
Quote from: JCardiff on July 07, 2014, 11:36:19 PM
Haha, no I really don't, especially one that's so pessimistic!
smh. leave the poor girl alone
@JCardiff, this may be very offensive, and I apologize in advance, but you were a really pretty girl!
And then way less offensively, you're a really cute boy, you're funny too, just slightly rude like a lot of Brits I've met.
@VBTO, Thank you luv! Much more sensitive than James... Some men...
Quote from: ThePersona on July 08, 2014, 12:11:42 AM
@JCardiff, this may be very offensive, and I apologize in advance, but you were a really pretty girl!
And then way less offensively, you're a really cute boy, you're funny too, just slightly rude like a lot of Brits I've met.
Why, that has to be the most conflicting thing someone has ever told me. I'm not sure whether to be offended or flattered.
Quote from: ThePersona on July 08, 2014, 12:11:42 AM
@JCardiff, this may be very offensive, and I apologize in advance, but you were a really pretty girl!
And then way less offensively, you're a really cute boy, you're funny too, just slightly rude like a lot of Brits I've met.
@VBTO, Thank you luv! Much more sensitive than James... Some men...
i know the feeling of being afraid of dying so its better to be support of than to pass judgment. you do have grounds to be pessimistic but you could be a little more positive for we are all on your side and dont want you to be stressed as much as you are.