Lately I've come across this issue that shouldn't bother me as much as it does, but oh well... I'm a senior in high school, and I generally pass as male all the time. I had to take summer school recently, and one thing that really got to me was that all these younger kids kept getting really surprised that I'm as old as I am. I was stealth the whole time, so it was cool that everyone was treating me normally and kinda teasing me like they would any other guy but... man. I'm just starting to get really insecure about the way I look, especially since I've always prided myself on being fairly mature and independent. People even see me at my job sometimes and ask my manager things like "how old do you even have to be to work here?". It's just... really frustrating for me. I'm on testosterone, and that's helped, but jeez. How do you deal with looking super young all the time? (If you're not old enough that it's kind of a compliment, haha...)
I have always looked super young relative to my edge. Even when I was living as a female bodied person. I guess I just sort of got used to it. I hated it when people would say how glad I'd be for it later, because it completely ignored what was going on right then. I just concentrated on presenting myself as confident and mature and hoped that would help. Make sure you aren't dressing young too.
It really is a pain. Hang in there.
lol, a lot of my friends say that my face looks like 14, my body 20 and my voice 30
I just laugh it off and make it out to be a beneficial thing. My manager and I are the same age, but he looks closer to 43 than 35 (the age we both are) - and I use that fact to have a bit of a laugh with people in front of him because I look a good 10 years younger. All in good fun - I don't get annoyed by it, though - especially as it's not happened as often since I started getting facial hair.
Oh, do I know how you feel!
I'm 25 and look like I'm 12. Not kidding. I'm 5Ft tall so that doesn't help me either. I pass 9/10 times with customers at my job. How do I feel about this, well, not bad actually. Because no one really asks to see my ID at work I just say that I'm 18 just so that I can pass and not have them question me too much. It's weird for people to see a 25 year old guy that looks super young and looks like they never went through puberty. So, I work with what I have going for me. I'm pre-everything by the way.
I'm in no rush because my "time will come" (meaning t) and I won't have any issues in the future. So for now I have fun with it.
Ermerged, I have the exact same thing! Mostly naturally though, cuz I haven't taken any hormones to alter my body, but I will be with people, like when I was at bandcamp for example, and we have a fun time together, and then I tell them I'm 18, and they are like "You're 18!? No way! Are you joking?" Same thing when I was at my old job, and told my cowerkers, a lot of them who friendly would pick on me, insisted I was just joking back at them, cuz they were 16 and 17. People online, who haven't even seen my face, I tell them I'm 18, same responce "Really? I would have guessed you like 14" XD (be in mind these people didn't see me though). Bought Skyrim at Walmart, which is for 17+ and the cashier asked for my idea, and was like "ok, just making sure, you don't look 18." So yeah, nobody believes me when I tell them that. However for me, I kinda like that. I find the whole matter funny, and it's fun to see their reactions. And besides, wouldn't it be a good thing that people think of you younger than older anyways?
yep, same here! when i was 17, a pharmacist told me "sorry we don't give prescriptions to children under 11". under. 11.
that was 2 years ago and it's not much better now. the worst part is walking my dog in the nearby park and having a few twelve year olds crushing on me. oh, god. the worst. my friends do love to poke fun at me for that. of course, this also makes me trying to flirt with a stranger my age extremely difficult, since they assume i'm just a kid and brush me off. the only good thing i keep telling myself is "when i'm 40 i'll look like i'm 20 and then i'll be the one laughing".
Got this a lot before transition (odd, given the social proscription against asking women their age), and people seem even more flabbergasted now, if they ask. Most seem to assume I'm under 18, substantially off the mark but it's fine. I'd rather people mistake me for a schoolboy than a woman. It can be awkward but doesn't present any real difficulty since I'm not into alcohol, tobacco, bars/clubs or dating (already in a long-term relationship).
I've apparently looked twelve since I was seventeen. It's especially annoying at work I'll be sticking something, nametag on, CLEARLY working and I get "excuse me, do you work here?" "Yes, how can I help you?" "Oh my goodness, really? I thought you were too young to work here!" "I'm 22." "Gosh, I thought you were twelve!"
Perma babyface. Hopefully facial hair will sort it out.
The day will come when you see it as a blessing. I haven't started HRT and I'm 55. One of my staff said she thought I was 38. As I take better care of myself, maybe I can get it down to 30. ::)
I remember wanting to appear older all the way through my mid twenties and then after that I wanted to retain my youth LOL. It's definitely annoying to be considered younger than you are sometimes but once the thirties roll around being considered younger is awesome :laugh:
Well it doesn't quite work forever but it helps to look young, as now I have people think I am in my 40s.
OTOH, there is a certain age, I recall, where it wasn't much of an advantage. If you look too young people don't take you seriously. I have noticed trans guys have this characteristic. I think guys in their 20s often are read as male but super young without facial hair. I suppose dressing older and mature behavior might be somewhat of a help, but I don't think there's much else to do about it.
--Jay
oh i know this situation pretty good.
i´m 28 but people always think i´m younger.
went with my parents into a park, there´was an entrance and the woman behind asked us if i am 18?
was it a compliment? have no idea, 10 years younger was abit to much i think ... but we had fun :D
Quote from: chaotic on July 24, 2014, 04:23:47 AM
yep, same here! when i was 17, a pharmacist told me "sorry we don't give prescriptions to children under 11". under. 11.
that was 2 years ago and it's not much better now. the worst part is walking my dog in the nearby park and having a few twelve year olds crushing on me. oh, god. the worst. my friends do love to poke fun at me for that. of course, this also makes me trying to flirt with a stranger my age extremely difficult, since they assume i'm just a kid and brush me off. the only good thing i keep telling myself is "when i'm 40 i'll look like i'm 20 and then i'll be the one laughing".
Hahaha, oh my god! Yeah, I can't top that one. The worst I remember happening is when I was going to the DMV with my grandma for something and I had JUST started presenting as male full-time and was having a conversation with a woman in line with us and mentioned how I was getting my driver's license soon (I was 16 at the time) and she said "Really? You look WAY too young to drive!". God. That's the worst though, I feel you on having people way younger than you flirt with you though. Nobody my age wants to pay attention to me, but there are SO many 13 and 14 year olds who seem to crush on me and it's really really awkward to deal with. The worst is that, half the time, it seems to be other trans guys too, and I have this policy of never ignoring people younger than me who are trans and might need help with things. So, while I'm trying to be the more mature, older trans guy who they feel like they can talk to about things and go to for help, they all apparently think I'm just really attractive.
Quote from: solexander on July 24, 2014, 01:15:34 PM
Hahaha, oh my god! Yeah, I can't top that one. The worst I remember happening is when I was going to the DMV with my grandma for something and I had JUST started presenting as male full-time and was having a conversation with a woman in line with us and mentioned how I was getting my driver's license soon (I was 16 at the time) and she said "Really? You look WAY too young to drive!". God. That's the worst though, I feel you on having people way younger than you flirt with you though. Nobody my age wants to pay attention to me, but there are SO many 13 and 14 year olds who seem to crush on me and it's really really awkward to deal with. The worst is that, half the time, it seems to be other trans guys too, and I have this policy of never ignoring people younger than me who are trans and might need help with things. So, while I'm trying to be the more mature, older trans guy who they feel like they can talk to about things and go to for help, they all apparently think I'm just really attractive.
yeah, you'd think the people would have the decency not to say these things, i mean you wouldn't say "you look too old to be doing X" would ya?? but alas, we must deal.
oh yeah i totally get that. i try not to be rude either but it's troubling since it's literally illegal. so i just try to go out at a time when i know the kids are not around, LOL. i've never met another transguy in real life though, so i can't relate to that experience, but i imagine it can be just as awkward if not more so. i don't even know how to advise you on that, other than just keep trying to be the mature one and thus not let it get too far, you know?
Quote from: chaotic on July 24, 2014, 02:20:37 PM
yeah, you'd think the people would have the decency not to say these things, i mean you wouldn't say "you look too old to be doing X" would ya?? but alas, we must deal.
oh yeah i totally get that. i try not to be rude either but it's troubling since it's literally illegal. so i just try to go out at a time when i know the kids are not around, LOL. i've never met another transguy in real life though, so i can't relate to that experience, but i imagine it can be just as awkward if not more so. i don't even know how to advise you on that, other than just keep trying to be the mature one and thus not let it get too far, you know?
Haha, I'm really awkward about turning people down, so it's always just me uncomfortably scooting away from some random kid trying to get my attention. "Yeah, you're really cute :)" "Haha. Anyways, so I was at work today, and it was really slow. It was pretty boring. I hate days like that. I think it's because the weather's been nice lately, so nobody wants to get pizza."
Every time I try to see an R-rated movie at the theater, they always ask for my ID. Unfortunately my name an gender aren't legally changed :P, but I doubt they're looking for that; hopefully they just confirm that I'm over 17.
I'm old enough (44) to take it as a compliment but it can still be a little bit of a pain to be read as much younger.
I was young when I had my kid and I live in a region where teenaged parenting is rare, so I've always gotten a lot of funny looks and questions about my age. But I was read as way younger than I was even before I had her.
Transition made it crazy hard to get by as an adult for awhile, but it seems to have been easing up in the last year or two. It might also be that I've gotten better at managing reactions and not being bothered about it, but I'm not sure. I've been on T, um, I probably could find that out in my post history or something but I think it's been at least 3 years. Hormones do help.
When people say that stuff to me now, I just say thanks or yeah I get that a lot.
I love it!!
But nothings worse than being on holiday at the beach at 22 and wanting to buy a cheap £5 kite at the newsagents, paying for it with a £20 note and the woman behind the counter says "Oh my, is that all yours?" in front of all your friends.
True story.
But I always get a kick out of it. If people ask me how old I am, I always ask them 'how old do I look?' and they always clock me as around 5yrs younger! It's awesome! I hope I look this good when i'm 90!
I didn't have to worry about being twenty and looking twelve, but when I was in my early forties, people did think I was about fifteen years younger than I was.
Then, I started T, and people thought I was...fifteen years younger than I was. Now that I'm past fifty and am getting substantial gray, at least people now think I'm forty or so. I wouldn't call it progress because this is America, where everyone tries to look eighteen for life. And I have to admit that missing out on my young manhood really bothers me, so I would rather look younger for longer.
True story--I think I may have told it here before. I was just on the right side of fifty and had just been hired as a college professor. I went into the faculty resource room to, you know, see what resources were available for faculty. And the women on duty there suddenly became very odd and presented a sort of united front against me so that I couldn't proceed any farther. They asked me how they could help me. None the wiser, I simply said that I had never been in there before and wanted to see the place. They asked me if I was looking for anything in particular, and I said, no, I was just looking around. Eventually, I said something that tipped them off that I was a professor--not a student--and their demeanor suddenly changed.
I later realized that I looked exactly like a twentysomething community college student. Fresh haircut, no noticeable wrinkles, no gray hair, black crewneck sweater and black Levi's (teenage angst, anyone?), and a black backpack. The semester hadn't started yet, so I wasn't dressed professionally.
I was wondering why they were acting so weirdly...
I've looked young my whole life. At 43, I still get for real carded often. I have visible wrinkles! It really is getting annoying. Maybe when/if I can grow a beard, it will have gray in it.
Lol I am 19 and people always assume I am 12-17. Some kids even took me for a 10-year-old, twice. 10.years.old, can you believe it? My best friend is 11 and people think we're in the same class!!! ??? I actually am partly at blame because I don't exactly help the situation with the teenage way I dress, which combined with my short height and my hanging out with 10-year-old kids... well, yeah... But does this get better once we're on T? or will we look so young forever?
I have a trans buddy I don't see too often. I've been too busy to hang out with him for...must be eighteen months or so. He is a few years younger than I am, maybe forty-five, and he started T when he was thirtyish. He might just have good genes, but he is VERY young-looking. He seems to be in his twenties.
I should look him up this year, at the very least so I can see how young he looks. :P
I too get taken for about a 12 year old, and I'm actually 21. Someone told me that I look 18 on one of the other threads, and I was actually flattered! That's much older than people normally guess.
I find what helps me is dressing as "professionally" as I can. 95% of the time, you'll find me wearing khakis and a button-up shirt. I also wear belts, ties, dress shoes, etc. And I do try to keep a haircut that's a little less "teenage boy fluffy/going all over the place" and a little more controlled and gelled down (as you can probably tell by my picture)
I'm 26 and generally get told that I could pass for 18-19. I still get carded to prove that I'm over 18 whenever it's needed. I'm not complaining. I attribute it to the fact that I don't smoke often and basically never drink and have been a hermit for a few years now... I hate the sun. I'm hoping that I end up looking younger or maintain my youthful look - return of the baby fat - when I begin HRT. Years from now, male or female, you'll likely take that as a compliment and as a senior in high school many people look like babies still; I did. A lot of people don't really mature until they hit their 20's...
I met my boyfriend online, and I sent him a video of me, and he had a tiny freakout because I look like a 14-year-old boy. I'm 29. I'm SIX YEARS OLDER than he is.
I get hit on by school girls, which is super awkward (extra so, because I'm not into girls, so its like, "Sorrry, I'm gay and literally twice your age), but the worst is, I have a 5-year-old, and I was at the water park with my older brother (31) and younger sister (28). And people thought that my brother and sister were married, and that my 5-year-old and I, were their kids o_O;; Now that I think about it, there have been quite a few times in the past where I was hanging out with friends, and instead of their equal, I was always mistaken for their child =__=
I dress like an adult- ties and dress shirts and such -but I'm 5'6, have an epic baby face, and my personality is kidlike: I'm naive, easily excitable, sort of bouncy and energetic.
Maybe if I'm lucky, I'll look at least as old as 20, when I'm in my 40s.
My dad is the same, when he was in his late 40s, he still looked like he was in his early-mid 20s. Now he's almost 60, and he looks about 34.
Well I'm around your age and sometimes I get read as 14-15 depending on the day. I have no clue why in certain situations but anyways - I know your pain and frustration all too well. Unfortunately it's out of our control and have to learn how to deal with it :-\. I find that certain clothes and haircuts help more than others.
We've got this thing going on where we want to stand out from the teenagers (because we're older and think we're way more mature) and getting read as anything younger is punch to the pride. Trans or not. It's a hard pill to swallow and a big insecurity to most people our age *a little extra trans folk*.
I get the same thing pretty frequently, mostly at work. I'm 22 and people seem to think I'm around 17, maybe even younger at times. It doesn't bother me much usually but it can get annoying sometimes. The most frustrating thing is when people don't seem to take you seriously because they assume you're a kid. I really can't wait until I can grow some decent facial hair to help me look closer to my age. If I let what I have now grow out it'd probably backfire since it just looks like puberty facial hair (which is pretty much is haha).
i have mixed feelings about it. i'm twenty, but i look like i'm about fourteen. when i tell people i'm a senior in college, it blows their minds. i get carded every time i try to buy cigarettes. even when i present as female, i look really young, but most of the time i just look like a fourteen year old boy.
anyway, i just look at it as a good thing! twenty years from now, i'll be glad for my baby face. although i haven't started T yet, but i hear that fat redistribution in my face might change things. i don't know.
Yeah, I get the same stuff.
I'm pre-everything yet, when I present as male I always am read waaay younger.
Recently I signed up for a P&P RPG group and the DM had a hard time believing I was as old as I am.
But surprisingly I never get carded when buying beer (you have to be 16 to be allowed to do that in Germany). o_O
Edited for personal info.
Yea... it does put a damper on some things. I started grad school 2 years ago and many people I met thought I was an incoming freshman. It sucks applying for jobs because whether people actively recognize it or not people tend not to take you as seriously, or consider you immature despite whatever your words and actions may say. Then again I'm a scruffy fellow, so it may just have been that.
Other than not being taken seriously in some situations its never bothered me. I'll look old some day. I can wait.
As far as considering/priding yourself on being mature... I'll try to keep my comments brief, but I've had many friends who had this outlook about themselves. Many of them were more mature than their peers for one reason or another, but I've always found the outlook of seeing one's self as "more mature" has more detrimental social effects than positive. You're a senior in high school.... relax a bit.
Quote from: kdbrrw on August 06, 2014, 09:17:02 AM
I find what helps me is dressing as "professionally" as I can. 95% of the time, you'll find me wearing khakis and a button-up shirt. I also wear belts, ties, dress shoes, etc. And I do try to keep a haircut that's a little less "teenage boy fluffy/going all over the place" and a little more controlled and gelled down (as you can probably tell by my picture)
I know you can only do so much with clothing alone, but how you dress is super important. I'm not comfortable wearing khakis or button-up shirts most of the time, and the clothes I prefer strongly cue people to believe I am a very young person. When I dress up for special events or professional situations I get treated more like an adult.
I'm 26 and I get told I look 12 allll the time. I mean, that's cool in a when I'm older I'll look young way, but still annoying. I find nice t-shirts without logos on them and nice pants up my age to around 17. I still hate the "you'll love it when you're older!" quote.
Quote from: kdbrrw on August 06, 2014, 09:17:02 AM
I too get taken for about a 12 year old, and I'm actually 21. Someone told me that I look 18 on one of the other threads, and I was actually flattered! That's much older than people normally guess.
I find what helps me is dressing as "professionally" as I can. 95% of the time, you'll find me wearing khakis and a button-up shirt. I also wear belts, ties, dress shoes, etc. And I do try to keep a haircut that's a little less "teenage boy fluffy/going all over the place" and a little more controlled and gelled down (as you can probably tell by my picture)
Great advice. I've been doing my hair in a less young guy style. I need to work on the clothes.
From an old guy who still looks younger than his years: you will appreciate this when you are older! Trust me. As annoying as it is right now, you will be thankful.
Jay, you're not old. If I'm not old, then you aren't old. We're middle-aged. Mature. Seasoned.
And I don't mean salt and pepper!!!!!
i went all through highschool as female and you believe how many people thought i was a freshman or WORSE, a middle-schooler! i was a damn senior Dx
Last week I took my kid to school and her classmates thought I was her brother. She told them that I'm her dad, and one of them told me that I look 19. This actually was a confidence boost, as high school aged people usually mention numbers smaller than 19 when they guess my age. ;D
I've gotten that for as long as I know. I'm 32 and people still occasionally mistake me for late high school or early college. It makes me a bit uncomfortable.