just curious if anyone's experienced any suggestion of an envious or bitterly jealous comment from cis woman who view you as becoming prettier or more womanly as you transition. I always hang out at this one coffee place in a downtown area and these two women that work in the area always buy their coffee there on their breaks. I have a feeling they might be some what jealous . I don't know them personally other that I see them all the time and they seen me as male for a long time. They seem to make strange comments or just blurt out a laugh when they go by me. The hormones are doing a good job and I think I look pretty decent at 9 months in. I'm just suspicious there might be some jealousy because I'm turning out to be a little cuter . It could be just wishful thinking on my part though. Just wondering if anyone has experienced a little jealousy from the cis girls.
Stephanie, I've had situations where women seem to resent my "girliness", my interest in wearing flattering (but inexpensive) jewelry, skirts that show some leg, etc. I think there's some envy of my willing to be youthful while many cis women my age have long since tired of the feminine routine.
I certainly saw that from my ex, even before all the animosity from the divorce, that the flowers in my hair, pantyhose, and other emblems of femininity made her uncomfortable.
Quote from: suzifrommd on August 02, 2014, 08:47:40 AM
I certainly saw that from my ex, even before all the animosity from the divorce, that the flowers in my hair, pantyhose, and other emblems of femininity made her uncomfortable.
My ex once made a bitter comment that I had better legs than she did inferring that it wasn't right for me to be more femme than she was.
Quote from: Eva Marie on August 02, 2014, 09:02:18 AM
My ex once made a bitter comment that I had better legs than she did inferring that it wasn't right for me to be more femme than she was.
I know the one girl went by me once talking to a guy she works with in a building next to the coffee shop , she made some kind of comment and the guy turned back and looked at me and made a face like you'd expect if she made a jealous kind of comment. It was rather funny tough.
Not from *girls,* as I think they rarely envy middle-aged women anyway. :) Occasionally I have had another woman say she was jealous of my thick hair or really clear skin, but I'm not sure if you actually meant women who say it up front (in a not mean way) or women who act jealous and mean (never happened so far).
well, positive or negative, but the negative ones are more fun
I'm in a younger age group and I've very specifically been told by multiple girls they're jealous I only have to shave my legs once a week. And one girl yesterday said she thought I had better style sense then her. I'm around 20-30 year old crowd mainly.
I have never experienced it, but I guess it is a mix of emotions. In a way, it can be flattering but on the other hand it can be extremely rude and invalidating if the jealousy is triggered like "oh she was born male and she is prettier than I am, ew, so fake" sort of way.
I had a cis friend tell me she is jealous because my boobs are bigger than hers. I've been on HRT for five months and am a C cup, she's an A cup.
I was out and about Madrid some weeks ago with a couple of cis girlfriends, and I was astonished to get hit on a couple of times during the day. They were quite bemused but very gracious about it, with some mock indignation. Maybe it was something in the air, or that I'm now much more comfortable with who I am... impossible to know what did it!
But it was fun. A little unnerving too...!
Yes! Definitelythere has been some jealousy. From cis women, young ladies mostly.
Mostly because I'm pretty and more petite than the average cis woman.
But even more jealousy has been encountered in the trans community where I live. They are truly awful lol
Oh yeah... cis-girls are REALLY jealous of beautiful trans women, I can tell you that right now.
My roommate seriously just about screamed when I showed her Carmen Carrera, Janet Mock, and a bunch of the Youtube transition timelines.
Basically, what she was thinking is "That's so not fair! How can she be prettier than ME? I was born female, damn it, how the hell can someone who was born male look more feminine than me?"
I guarantee you every girl has some lingering resentment about her looks and her physical inadequacies buried in there somewhere... this is why so many girls are bitter jealous backstabbing b****es in middle and high school before they've learned to curb their jealousy of those who are prettier than them.
I've had a few cis-female friends tell me "I'd kill for your legs grrrrrrl!" or that they loved one of my outfits, but that's about it. I haven't really gotten any jealousy directed toward me because I'm not very feminine, I'm 6'2", large-built, and have kind of a "meh" face and an average figure. So I don't have much to be jealous of. Maybe I'll get more once I'm out in the wide world, but I doubt it, I definitely look like a more athletic tomboyish girl. And most women aren't jealous of tomboys, they're jealous of the pretty, cute, petite, feminine girls.
Other trans women, on the other hand... dear God, I get SO much jealousy from them. There's actually girls who have come to me crying and whining about how they'll never be as naturally-female as me, so why do they even bother trying? (And I'm just rolling my eyes and going "Sigh... still in that phase of transition where you're mired in self-hatred, and still think that absolutely everyone else is pretty except you, I see. Yep, I remember that phase. Ah, youth.") Plus there's been several times in our trans support group where other trans-women have basically given me this bitter "how DARE you still be having emotional problems? If I was you, my life would be perfect, damn it!" attitude.
Yesterday I took a friend of mine to get her septum pierced, this group of teenage girls was giggling and when they entered the car and latterly made it known they were laughing about me, pretty sure it was the top I'm wearing. So when I saw them stare, I gave them the finger and they acted so shocked. Can't stand teenage girls
No, not from any girl lately. Except for my BF's ex-rommate but that was just because she prolly had a thing for him. When I was with my ex, she was okay at first with me, actually for years, but at the end, she was all "stop plucking your eyebrows. I don't want to go out with someone prettier than me." She was a really butch for most of the relationship, after she changed, it was doomed. But, i wouldn't call it jealousy. You'd have to be crazy to be jealous of me...though I've had some girls say they wish they were as tiny as me.I'm tiny all around: 13" wide shoulders, small, tiny hands and feet, 115 lbs, blah, blah, blah. Most of my life, I would have done anything to be bigger as I thought my transness was related to my tiny, femme look.
I have received a lot of jealousy and envy from many cis girls. I have even been in heavy fights because of them. But many dont know that I am trans anyway so if they would know, I guess they would even feel worse lawl. I just find it ignorant, I mean I did so much for my transition and they still bitch on me its not even fun anymore. I just dont feel like this is right, to envy someone from anything they have been receiving or doing for their progress. So yes I totaly know this it has happened to me many times and it kinda makes me feel bad for them because I dont know how to deal with it.
This his how I look like lately
http://www.directupload.net/file/d/3702/ua2n3d2y_jpg.htm
http://www.directupload.net/file/d/3702/vhdwh4bp_jpg.ht
http://www.directupload.net/file/d/3702/py247fqd_jpg.htm
I would like to think it's jealousy or envy. I have a theory but won't go too much into it. But we strive to be feminine and do all the things a woman should do but become lazy over time doing and let themselves go over the weekends and so on. Do we transwomen let ourselves go over the weekends? I don't. Also we cherish femininity and to ciswomen it ain't no big deal because they were born to it and we have to learn it and hone in on it and try to perfect it and in a lot of ways I believe transwomen are more feminine than ciswomen. Also a lot of cis women seem to resent being feminine, hell we love being feminine. Does this make any sense to anyone besides me? I think a lot more straight guys are seeing this too and they crave the femininity so they can feel more masculine. Of course I could be crazy too. ???
Quote from: Ahlexandrah on August 02, 2014, 12:16:24 PM
I have received a lot of jealousy and envy from many cis girls. I have even been in heavy fights because of them. But many dont know that I am trans anyway so if they would know, I guess they would even feel worse lawl. I just find it ignorant, I mean I did so much for my transition and they still bitch on me its not even fun anymore. I just dont feel like this is right, to envy someone from anything they have been receiving or doing for their progress. So yes I totaly know this it has happened to me many times and it kinda makes me feel bad for them because I dont know how to deal with it.
This his how I look like lately
http://www.directupload.net/file/d/3702/ua2n3d2y_jpg.htm
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fs7.directupload.net%2Fimages%2F140802%2Fvhdwh4bp.jpg&hash=6b778c32764fe9aa95d6fa00e59be75888e5cdc1)
http://www.directupload.net/file/d/3702/py247fqd_jpg.htm
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Foi58.tinypic.com%2Ff3tlyd.jpg&hash=5eb63d759b7fb9a987821b72ccd4faba7a37eb74) (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Foi61.tinypic.com%2Fok4knr.jpg&hash=552906b943d980c3af71cf36944eb8856dc6b790) (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Foi61.tinypic.com%2Fok4knr.jpg&hash=552906b943d980c3af71cf36944eb8856dc6b790) (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Foi58.tinypic.com%2Ff3tlyd.jpg&hash=5eb63d759b7fb9a987821b72ccd4faba7a37eb74)
OH mY GOD. YOU NEED TO POST THESE IN THE "YOU LOOK FABULOUS" THREAD POST HASTE!
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,162746.0.html
TAKE THE EXPRESS LANE!
Quote from: stephaniec on August 02, 2014, 07:59:04 AM
just curious if anyone's experienced any suggestion of an envious or bitterly jealous comment from cis woman who view you as becoming prettier or more womanly as you transition. I always hang out at this one coffee place in a downtown area and these two women that work in the area always buy their coffee there on their breaks. I have a feeling they might be some what jealous . I don't know them personally other that I see them all the time and they seen me as male for a long time. They seem to make strange comments or just blurt out a laugh when they go by me. The hormones are doing a good job and I think I look pretty decent at 9 months in. I'm just suspicious there might be some jealousy because I'm turning out to be a little cuter . It could be just wishful thinking on my part though. Just wondering if anyone has experienced a little jealousy from the cis girls.
All the time hon... ;D
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Foi61.tinypic.com%2F13zmv4j.jpg&hash=b5c9d2bfe4d39477b219acb7174b3cf73b63cd61)
Sometimes I get very flattering comments from my female colleagues. I've had one "that dress looks better on you than it ever would on me" style comment. I figure women generally feel some envy, jealousy of more attractive women...based on women's magazines it seems to be a love/hate relationship...praise them but be ready to rip them to shreds the second any imperfection shows.
Only like two weeks ago my younger sister mentioned that she's starting to view me as competition. That surprised me a little bit as there's quite an age difference between us: 13 years. Then again she actually said like 2 or 3 years ago that she envies me my legs (she had no idea at that time what I had planned :-) ).
And as time passes I notice more mostly comparative or even a few jealous if not hateful (very rare fortunately) looks from other women when I'm traveling through Prague metro (what better time to take a look at others then when you're waiting to reach your stop). I mean I knew there's sort of competition between women but I certainly haven't expected anything like this...
the only jealousy (I wouldn't really call it that though) I've gotten was a few friends asking "why does XXXX make a prettier girl than me? ):<" and a handful of them saying how my boobs are bigger than theirs
I get compliments fairly often on my appearance. That's because I work hard on it. But no ciswoman has ever expressed any jealousy of me, and I'm glad of that because I think it would make me quite angry. Any ciswoman that expresses any jealousy of a transwoman is showing her profound ignorance. She has no idea what we have to go through to get out in the world and live our lives as we please while minimizing our chances of being jeered, harassed, assaulted, etc.
On the contrary, I've encountered ciswomen on forums taunting us for how easy we have it. After all, we have "a choice". We could be men, enjoying male privilege, etc., whereas they have no choice but to accept their lot in life. My reply to such women is, "Oh! So you'd be delighted to trade places with me, would you?"
Quote from: Foxglove on August 03, 2014, 04:56:34 AM
On the contrary, I've encountered ciswomen on forums taunting us for how easy we have it. After all, we have "a choice". We could be men, enjoying male privilege, etc., whereas they have no choice but to accept their lot in life. My reply to such women is, "Oh! So you'd be delighted to trade places with me, would you?"
Yes, we have a "choice". Between a so-called "easy life" living a male privilege lie and having to manage what's inside our heads and hearts, or taking the simple option of changing our genitals, faces, the way we act and speak, our friends (sometimes), our jobs, our clothes. Yup, being transgender is a walk in the park ;D Cheap too. :o
No I dont think we have a choice. We never had any choice.. If we wanted to be ourselves without suffering, torment, self hatred and even suicide attempts then we couldnt go the way of being male because we simply arent. This is not some kind of " oh I would love to have fun in another gender, cross dressing party " (I dont have anything against cross dressers). I am speaking for myself but if I was forced to live my life as male I would have rather killed myself before being someone I am simply not. I just cant handle the fact of people saying that we have a choice because this implements some very bad thoughts about us, the transsexuals. Then all they do is believe that we are doing it to provocate and and tickle out some reactions. It just pisses me off if any people think like that (dont get me wrong I have understood the irony in your comments) but I am talking to all the people who think this way.
Love y'all , Alex ♥
Couldn't agree with you more, Ahlexandrah. I have been fortunate that I haven't needed to deal with much ignorance in this regard. The closest I had to it was a friend who asked where "people like you go to?" with the implication that we spend our time in strange bars on the outskirts of polite society.
But I try to be an educator and bridge-builder: on the few occasions when I encounter honest-natured ignorance I explain what I am and almost exclusively I get intelligent and sensitive questions in response.
We've got some ongoing work to do in correcting stereotypes. For example one of the free newspapers ran an article talking about trangender rights, and the accompanying photo showed two 6'4" scantily clad ladies with DDD breasts, collagen lips, and more blond hair than Dolly Parton. I mean, we all go for that look, riiiiight?
I've gotten the envy thing at times but as stated earlier in the thread I don't think cisgirls realize the amount of effort we put in, exercising, eating right, hair removal, makeup, not to mention surgeries.
When I came out at work one of my co-workers was totally shocked and told me it wasn't fair that I got to be a pretty girl, I explained that I spend 45 minutes every day exercising, I eat salads and high fiber all day, never ever eat any candy, snacks or fast food. Somehow the fact that I had to work hard for everything seemed to make her more accepting and since then she has become a really good friend.
Then there is "street envy", where a girl scopes you out as competition and then does the "shrug", I think this happens more often if I'm in the company of a good looking guy but It's hard to know if the girls realize I'm trans. I think this is just something all women need to deal with unless you really dress down and try not to get noticed.
To my knowledge, nope. I don't think I have anything for anyone, cis or whatever, to be jealous of anyway.
IDK if any cis woman have been jealous, but I often do get compliments about my figure, from women and men.
The thing is I have become more envious of cis women more after 3 years of being FT than I was 20 years ago :(
When I was younger I constantly wished I could be a women and would look at women with so much envy. Now I am a woman and I still have that same envy. Its just eating at me so much lately. Last night I went to our local fair, I got the usual looks from men and a couple of up and down looks from woman but I felt so inferior to any woman that passed by. The younger ones especially, not only do they have the looks and proportions but they have the many years to become even more beautiful.
No matter what size woman, her age or looks they all looked so soft and natural. The hair, skin, curves, happiness...its all so soft! I actual thought I looked fairly decent.....but I started to feel hideous after about 3 hours there. I wanted to just leave but my children were enjoying their selves too much.
3 years ago I would of been flabbergasted to be able to walk around someplace and be seen by 1000"s of people without any strange looks and be treated like any other women. But last night I felt like I was so out of place. The thing is it wasn't because of anything that happened to me, it's what I was thinking about myself. I wasn't concerned with passing or what people thought of me. I was instead just hating myself for not being born cis and knowing who I was in the past!!
Quote from: Ahlexandrah on August 02, 2014, 12:16:24 PM
I have received a lot of jealousy and envy from many cis girls. I have even been in heavy fights because of them. But many dont know that I am trans anyway so if they would know, I guess they would even feel worse lawl. I just find it ignorant, I mean I did so much for my transition and they still bitch on me its not even fun anymore. I just dont feel like this is right, to envy someone from anything they have been receiving or doing for their progress. So yes I totaly know this it has happened to me many times and it kinda makes me feel bad for them because I dont know how to deal with it.
This his how I look like lately
http://www.directupload.net/file/d/3702/ua2n3d2y_jpg.htm
http://www.directupload.net/file/d/3702/vhdwh4bp_jpg.ht
http://www.directupload.net/file/d/3702/py247fqd_jpg.htm
I can definantly see why cis girls would be jealous of you but they need to remember that all women are beautiful in their own way whether they be trans or cis, but girlfriend you have really got it goin on xx
Quote from: Emily.T on August 03, 2014, 11:45:28 PM
I can definantly see why cis girls would be jealous of you but they need to remember that all women are beautiful in their own way whether they be trans or cis, but girlfriend you have really got it goin on xx
^This. All of it, the compliment as well as the fact that every woman is beautiful, whether they were born that way or became a woman. And based on RuPaul's Drag Race, there are some incredibly gorgeous cross dressers out there as well.
The more I integrate into female society the more I realize that it's not just a trans thing to have these feelings, I think it's just a part of being a woman, there are always girls that are younger, prettier and have nicer figures and once you start comparing yourself to every girl out there your confidence plummets and ..... But the next time you have these feelings remember that there is a concept called "confirmation bias", you see hundreds of women every day and you are comparing yourself against a dozen, unless you are a supermodel that's a game that you can't win, but neither can 982 of those 1000 that you walked past.
Then again I wonder how many out of the dozen have a personality that I could even stand staying around for more than 5 minutes, many of the really pretty girls tend to be arrogant and self centred because the can get away with it, there is nothing in the world more attractive than a smart and funny girl, all it takes is an sentence.
Quote from: Just Shelly on August 03, 2014, 11:29:56 PM
IDK if any cis woman have been jealous, but I often do get compliments about my figure, from women and men.
The thing is I have become more envious of cis women more after 3 years of being FT than I was 20 years ago :(
When I was younger I constantly wished I could be a women and would look at women with so much envy. Now I am a woman and I still have that same envy. Its just eating at me so much lately. Last night I went to our local fair, I got the usual looks from men and a couple of up and down looks from woman but I felt so inferior to any woman that passed by. The younger ones especially, not only do they have the looks and proportions but they have the many years to become even more beautiful.
No matter what size woman, her age or looks they all looked so soft and natural. The hair, skin, curves, happiness...its all so soft! I actual thought I looked fairly decent.....but I started to feel hideous after about 3 hours there. I wanted to just leave but my children were enjoying their selves too much.
3 years ago I would of been flabbergasted to be able to walk around someplace and be seen by 1000"s of people without any strange looks and be treated like any other women. But last night I felt like I was so out of place. The thing is it wasn't because of anything that happened to me, it's what I was thinking about myself. I wasn't concerned with passing or what people thought of me. I was instead just hating myself for not being born cis and knowing who I was in the past!!
Quote from: Emily.T on August 03, 2014, 11:45:28 PM
I can definantly see why cis girls would be jealous of you but they need to remember that all women are beautiful in their own way whether they be trans or cis, but girlfriend you have really got it goin on xx
Yeah Ahlexandrah is teh hawt! I'm going to have to up my game, I'm going to compete! ;D
Quote from: Evelyn K on August 03, 2014, 11:51:56 PM
Yeah Ahlexandrah is teh hawt! I'm going to have to up my game, I'm going to compete! ;D
I think we are all going to have to up our game I know I am but he'll I'm not even on hrt yet so I'm not even in the game I'm just on the sidelines waiting for permission to play
Some of my friends have said that they're jealous of how big my boobs have gotten in such a small amount of time. I'm always told that they're jealous of how skinny I am. I was constantly told that before I transitioned too though.
Quote from: antonia on August 03, 2014, 11:49:56 PM
Then again I wonder how many out of the dozen have a personality that I could even stand staying around for more than 5 minutes, many of the really pretty girls tend to be arrogant and self centred because the can get away with it, there is nothing in the world more attractive than a smart and funny girl, all it takes is an sentence.
This is so true!!!
There are a couple of women (girls) on television and in real life that make me feel embarrassed of my gender. Can anyone really be that stupid!!
The same could be said for men as well.
Quote from: Autumn on August 04, 2014, 12:47:23 AM
Some of my friends have said that they're jealous of how big my boobs have gotten in such a small amount of time. I'm always told that they're jealous of how skinny I am. I was constantly told that before I transitioned too though.
I have had some women mentioned my figure and seemed to be jealous as well. The weird or even unjust thing, is that when I was my past gender I weighed 10 pounds more but people often would come up to me and ask if I was ill. :(
I get more than a hint from each of my friends and sisters every 28 days....usually followed by comments of being weird because I'm jealous of them every 28 days lol
not really...
My cis girl roommate does tease me for having bigger breasts (she has C cups and i Have D's) and for having better legs than her..
Sometimes I get looks in public, from women, as there boyfriends check me out.. lol.... as I love wearing short skirts or outfits that show off my legs.
Ladies, women are jealous of each other.
Quote from: noleen111 on August 05, 2014, 09:07:19 AM
not really...
My cis girl roommate does tease me for having bigger breasts (she has C cups and i Have D's) and for having better legs than her..
Sometimes I get looks in public, from women, as there boyfriends check me out.. lol.... as I love wearing short skirts or outfits that show off my legs.
Ladies, women are jealous of each other.
True, but I would rathet say that people are jealous of each other. Just human nature ::)
Quote from: antonia on August 03, 2014, 06:36:41 PM
Then there is "street envy", where a girl scopes you out as competition and then does the "shrug", I think this happens more often if I'm in the company of a good looking guy but It's hard to know if the girls realize I'm trans. I think this is just something all women need to deal with unless you really dress down and try not to get noticed.
Women can be catty at times...and sometimes mean to each other. And the beauty culture just feeds into it. And I've noticed that some of the most beautiful women are also the most insecure and self conscious.
When you're out in public, YOU know you're trans but THEY probably don't. So don't assume those looks are any more than women sizing up the competition. We just didn't get used to it because we didn't deal with the "mean girls" in high school.
In my experience, women are very polite and complimentary of how I present myself on a regular basis. Many of them tell me that I inspire them. How cool is that?? They love how tall I am (5'10") and like many of us here, receive compliments whether I'm in a dress or skinny jeans.
I've noticed that as time has passed (especially in this past year), how men now make their way across the bar to say hello, and compliment me too. So, it's a good time for me in that sense.
This is a great thread and many of your situations are common to most of us in some way.
I haven't but then again I'm not beautiful.