I don't really like crossdressing, I find my male clothes pretty comfy and 'convenient', they don't get tangled anywhere. I don't like girly colors either, and I certainly don't like music girls like. I like male characters in movies, and I can get behind them better than female characters (Maybe because the majority of female characters have very little to do except looking weak).
Not that I hate crossdressing, but It's something I want to do very rarely, I don't really like makeup except for the eye stuff (which a lot of guys do). I do feel like that's all I really need, because I'm quite happy with my face, except for the hair and facial hair (for the most part)
I feel weird, like a tomboy almost, 'almost' because I know there are cis women that don't like a lot of girly stuff either. A lot of stuff woman do makes me go 'uggh', and other stuff they do makes me jealous. Right now, when I try to visualize myself as what I'd want to be in the future, I don't really see a huge difference from what I see in the mirror right now, I see myself as a female version of my current self. I just want to 'feel' like a woman in body like I do in spirit.... I want to be treated like a woman, but not right now, I'm still not ready. It's hard to explain. I don't know if it makes any sense.
I'm secure enough to be able to admit to this, and it's just what I am.
And that's perfectly fine. Be who you are.
Thank you.
That's all very relatable. Worrying about not being feminine enough is something that has set me back a long time. I moved beyond that when I realised that expecting someone to behave in a certain way or have a certain set of interests because of their gender identity is sexism. The need to "feel" and be seen for who you really are is your gender identity, not what colours you like and dislike or your makeup choices.
I hate reading stories about MTF or FTM transpeople getting reactions like "but you're not into girl/boy stuff" or "you're not really very masculine/feminine". It's discrimination. Do what's comfortable, and not what you feel like you need to do in order to conform to "the rules".
Quote from: Indecision on August 23, 2014, 08:33:40 AM
That's all very relatable. Worrying about not being feminine enough is something that has set me back a long time. I moved beyond that when I realised that expecting someone to behave in a certain way or have a certain set of interests because of their gender identity is sexism. The need to "feel" and be seen for who you really are is your gender identity, not what colours you like and dislike or your makeup choices.
I hate reading stories about MTF or FTM transpeople getting reactions like "but you're not into girl/boy stuff" or "you're not really very masculine/feminine". It's discrimination. Do what's comfortable, and not what you feel like you need to do in order to conform to "the rules".
I have experienced that before, but not on this site.
Before I cross dressed for a few times, I wondered why women wear pants when they can wear skirts all the time, lol, but now I know... and knowing is half the battle. gi joe. :)
The important thing is to do what you think you need to do to be happy or have less discomfort.
I am a jeans and shirt kind of person and I do not like getting dressed up.
Quote from: Cin on August 23, 2014, 06:54:13 AM. . . when I try to visualize myself as what I'd want to be in the future, I don't really see a huge difference from what I see in the mirror right now . . .
And that's no problem at all. You can always - always! - do more if you find in the future that you need more. If you're happy(ish) with where you are now, then that's absolutely cool.
As you've picked up on, there are a number of different aspects to becoming female: in no complete list, there's how you feel inside, how you look on the outside, and how others in society treat you. They all interweave and affect one another, and some of us are stronger in some aspects than others. For example, I don't pass, but inside I feel fairly feminine now that I'm on hormones. The outside needs work for me, because that's important to me right now.
But there's no need rush through any part of transition. You can pick and choose what you want to do, when you want it (with a few exceptions), and to what level you want to have it. Nobody - especially not yourself - should be forcing you to go faster than you want.
If I could be a female "me", I'd take her in a heartbeat. I don't mind the male "me", but I do wish like crazy she was female. And with luck and time, that'll be an achievable fix.
Sorry for the rambling. Tired, need to go to bed, and my mind is a mess right now.
Quote from: Edge on August 23, 2014, 07:14:47 AM
And that's perfectly fine. Be who you are.
I totally agree with this. As long as you are happy who is to say you have to conform to others supposed ideas. :)
I'm very similar, although I've started to feel more feminine, although I haven't begun HRT or anything. I have to say as far as media goes - movies, music, games, toys, etc... - boys have it made. I'm into comics and everything, but I like women's fashion, make-up, and most everything else that comes with being a woman. I know how you feel though...
There are as many ways to be trans as there are transpeople in the world. Just be you, whoever you are, and do what comes naturally.
Being comfortable with myself was the whole point of transitioning. I would not be comfortable adhering to someone else's expectations of me, whether masculine or feminine.
I've been set back a while because of this too. Took me a while to figure out that the tomboys that I was dating was the girl I wanted to be. I still like fashion and skirts, but I can still be the girl who likes cars, bikes, mma, and being outdoors. Took me forever to be Ok with that. Kinda felt like I had to be a super girly girl or I wouldn't be girl enough lol::)
But sometimes I do get a little girly, so It's all right. :) I'd love to do it, but only rarely.
Thanks for all the replies, I did want to conform with other people before, but not anymore, and it's replies like these that make me feel confident.
The girl with the black clothes and combat boots (or Chucks), wearing only weird or minimalist silver jewelry, who has an aire of femininity without teetering into the realm of skirts and blouses, looks as if she probably has the entire discography of Swans or Bauhaus, and is secretly assumed to be bi or lesbian (and is) = ME. Hyper-femininity doesn't make the woman. ;)
Quote from: sororcaeli on August 24, 2014, 02:16:32 AM
The girl with the black clothes and combat boots (or Chucks), wearing only weird or minimalist silver jewelry, who has an aire of femininity without teetering into the realm of skirts and blouses, looks as if she probably has the entire discography of Swans or Bauhaus, and is secretly assumed to be bi or lesbian (and is) = ME. Hyper-femininity doesn't make the woman. ;)
The swans just keep getting better with age :)
I'm kinda like you, but in the closet though.
I know quite a number of tomboy-ish MTFs. Funny that no one questions a cis female being tomboy, working construction, and liking football and cars. In fact, these days I think most people think it's cool. But sometimes they question MTFs, as if somehow you have to do this super femme. I even know other MTFs who are fairly critical of tomboys. Be yourself!
I'm FTM and not girly, but I do embrace my so-called feminine side. (Whatever that might be actually, not sure anymore). I love jigsaw puzzles, animals, and am kind of a foodie, and like to cook.
What you talk about is NOT *gender identity*. You are talking about *gender presentation*.
Funny, ironic thing, but some of the trans women who are tomboys "pass" (hate that word) better in that presentation than a more feminine one.
--Jay
I would really like to be able to wear feminine things and to even look feminine no matter what I am wearing.
Before I ever came out to anyone (including myself), I would compulsively cross dress. But as I started to come out, there became less of a need for me to dress in overtly feminine clothes. I think this was because I no longer needed to dress a certain way to convince myself, and people could accept me even in my "boy" clothes; which proved to be one in the same thing. Skinny jeans and a sweater are all I need. I went to my sr. prom wearing a white pinstripe tuxedo with black nails, eye liner, and spiral tapers. For me, that was going as a women. I personally don't think I would feel comfortable going out in a dress. Just like many other girls out there.
It's not that I hate feminine stuff, if I had the freedom, who knows? Maybe I'd experiment more. Maybe I'm suppressing myself. I haven't cross-dressed in a long, long time.
I do no longer feel that cross dressing is important though. I've felt this way for a few years now, but I was scared of admitting to it for some reason.
Quote from: aleon515 on August 24, 2014, 02:02:51 PM
I'm FTM and not girly, but I do embrace my so-called feminine side. (Whatever that might be actually, not sure anymore). I love jigsaw puzzles, animals, and am kind of a foodie, and like to cook.
I have never heard this from an FTM before, quite refreshing.
Quote from: RockerGirl on August 23, 2014, 08:08:56 PM
I've been set back a while because of this too. Took me a while to figure out that the tomboys that I was dating was the girl I wanted to be. I still like fashion and skirts, but I can still be the girl who likes cars, bikes, mma, and being outdoors. Took me forever to be Ok with that. Kinda felt like I had to be a super girly girl or I wouldn't be girl enough lol::)
Yup, I love cars (a LOT) and I'm a big time MMA fan. Also, I've said this before, I'm very accomplished as a baseball player. I'm not really into sports much these days, but I still have a lot of tom-boy in me. People should be able to do what they want, be into what they are, regardless of their external gender, or internal gender for that matter...
I know FTMs who like to knit or embroider. I also know some that are femme. It might be who you know. :)
I refuse to define myself in a restrictive way.
--Jay
Quote from: Cin on August 24, 2014, 03:00:12 PM
I have never heard this from an FTM before, quite refreshing.
Coming from your other thread, I can see yet again a lot of simmilarities to what I'm going trough. Still atm I feel like crossdressing/feminine stuff for men lies under extremely high society pressure that it sometimes makes me feel free to go against the flow. And I also don't have any 'need' to use makup or other things. I like it when I can look feminine witouth it in the mirror as makup feels like creating an illusion to me. Atm I just try to be in such a position I can change myself to be/look male and female any time I want. Suppose that makes me feel good :)
I am a minimalist when it comes to dressing, boy or girl mode. I do like the "girl next door" look. I absolutely LOVE dresses. I'm actually somewhat curved to fit them (I've always had a female type waist) and they look good, at least for someone who is pre everything anyway.
But I do like my "guy" stuff. I like electronics (I'm an engineer), cars including doing all my own work. I guess girls do those things too and I try to encourage my daughters into what I do, especially the STEM stuff.
Quote from: ImagineKate on August 31, 2014, 02:17:07 AM
I am a minimalist when it comes to dressing, boy or girl mode. I do like the "girl next door" look. I absolutely LOVE dresses. I'm actually somewhat curved to fit them (I've always had a female type waist) and they look good, at least for someone who is pre everything anyway.
But I do like my "guy" stuff. I like electronics (I'm an engineer), cars including doing all my own work. I guess girls do those things too and I try to encourage my daughters into what I do, especially the STEM stuff.
I look pretty decent in a dress, but I'm too thin, but I don't really like dresses that much :)
Quote from: chronicle on August 30, 2014, 10:45:48 PM
Coming from your other thread, I can see yet again a lot of simmilarities to what I'm going trough. Still atm I feel like crossdressing/feminine stuff for men lies under extremely high society pressure that it sometimes makes me feel free to go against the flow. And I also don't have any 'need' to use makup or other things. I like it when I can look feminine witouth it in the mirror as makup feels like creating an illusion to me. Atm I just try to be in such a position I can change myself to be/look male and female any time I want. Suppose that makes me feel good :)
Yeah, I'm all for natural beauty too, but a little makeup is fine with me. Guys have to look their best naturally, there's not much they can do, girls have so many options. :)
Quote from: Cin on August 31, 2014, 01:50:21 PM
Yeah, I'm all for natural beauty too, but a little makeup is fine with me. Guys have to look their best naturally, there's not much they can do, girls have so many options. :)
And those many options are fun to have!
Quote from: sororcaeli on September 01, 2014, 09:01:25 PM
And those many options are fun to have!
I wish I had those options, maybe one day.... maybe.... I'm just so sick of hiding :(
I dont care much for a lot of "girly" stuff. Purses? Na... jewelry? Pfff... Perfume? Nope!
But i do love shoes! And last year i bought a Nintendo 3DS, and i almost bought the pink one! Ended buying the blue one, and i still regret that.
Sometimes i love makeup, sometimes i hate it... my guess is that i'm kinda bipolar :D :D :D
I love jewelry. My mom used to sell lots of stuff that she'd buy on eBay, and give people individual deals depending on how genuine and friendly her customers were. I always wanted so much of it, but all I ever got from her (for myself) was a spinning thumb ring that doesn't even fit anymore after losing weight. I got a couple of necklaces from her to give to friends, but then those friends turned out to be two-faced. I know I still have them somewhere, and I'd probably wear them.
I do like shoes, too, but mostly Converse and boots. I can see myself owning at least four pairs of shoes, but not anywhere near the dozens. As far as clothing, I like things that are form-fitting in the arms and legs, cardigans are okay, and some blouses. Plus, everything needs to be black! Any colour I wear will be a dark red or maroon, or blue.
Makeup, for me, will always be very minimal. Foundation, concealer and eyeliner. Blush and lipstick are unnecessary.
I was wearing men's briefs forever, but hated the way they always rode up to my stomach, so I had my grandmother order me some ErgoWear bikini-type underwear. It wasn't even my intention to get something close to women's knickers, it's just what I knew I'd like. They still have that extra material in the front, though, so it's time to start switching over!
I love jewelry too :) Always wanted ear rings, maybe I'll get em pierced some time soon, it's the least I can do right now. Not the manly earrings, though, and not overly girly either. I wish I had time to experiment and find my my look, but I don't have any privacy.
We are all different. I mostly wear skirts and girly tops with fun jewelry but I still love to ride motorcycles and have no problem showing up for a local work day with my chain saw. I read "guy magazines" but also get mani/pedi's regularly. Life is short, do what makes you happy.
I'm kind of a weird mix of both, which is why sometimes I feel quite non-binary or genderfluid, best of both worlds or something, I don't know, but it's frustrating when all you want sometimes is to fit in.
Generally, I don't wear stuff I find uncomfortable, but I've never dressed to to 'feel good' but that's just because I really don't have much privacy.
I know I'm a little insecure, because I know for sure that girls don't girly stuff all the time and guys don't manly stuff all the time, I guess it's just a part of having gender identity fixation (I don't know who came up with that, but I first heard it on this forum)
Sometimes I just say 'screw labels', but yet I'm looking for a label, it seems.
Quote from: dahl on September 06, 2014, 11:56:04 AM
x: I'm sorry, I didn't mean to sound like I was demeaning you for finding a label, if it came across that way. There's really nothing wrong with finding some place for you to fit, it's just that the journey can sometimes be paining, for me anyway.
Labels really helped me when I was trying to discover myself- it was a real eye opener. Sometimes it's like... much needed clarity. This might be something that you feel the need to do, and that's perfectly fine! My confidence is never in tact all the time anyway, and there are moments where I feel like I wish there was a more obvious group of people, in my life, that shares similar qualities to my own.
Don't apologize? I didn't feel as though you were demeaning me at all. I was in agreement, I think I missed using a smiley though :)
I think we all want to 'fit in' to some degree, not just gender identity, I don't really care for labels that much either, but when people ask me 'what are you?', it takes me a while to come up with a simple label, besides I don't think labels tell the whole story anyway.
There is a tendency for "masculine" clothes to be more functional and/or conservative in nature, whereas "feminine" clothes tend to be more impractical, colorful, and/or sexualized. These are not hard and fast rules, and sometimes a person can wear a dress or outfit to "look good" more than "look sexy," but the tendency is very pronounced. Mind, it's not to say such feminine stuff is "bad," but a lot of people don't want to be put on the spot in that way. In other respects, it can be the "masculine" option that is more ostentatious, so it cuts both ways.
People need to go with what "fits" them.