Its the most disgusting thing in the world. It makes want to puke! When I feel sexual urges it feels wrong. If SRS didn't exist, I most likely would have castration and penectomy. How can people live with this. More importantly why am I not like them?
Hormones and Therapy is how i handled my dysphoria till i had GCS.
Quote from: Jaz650 on August 23, 2014, 03:57:44 PM
How can people live with this. More importantly why am I not like them?
Because you are not like them, so just accept this fact. Nothing wrong with it at all. I look at mine as an organ donor for a new vajaja.
That's the thing with dysphoria, it's not that nice. I saw mine in the mirror accidentally, the first time in a while, and I did feel nausea so strong it really took me by surprise.
Fortunately, before getting rid of the thing, I can at least kill it slowly with hormones and frequently tucking.
You do not feel like them because you are not cis, we are different.
Why does your junk feel wrong, because you are a girl. Some trans girls do not dislike their junk, some are mildly unhappy and some very unhappy.
I am so happy they are small now. Why, because they are wrong. Do I hate them, yes. Will I get GRS, IDK there are complications, time will tell. If I did not have a lot to lose I would in a heart beat. My wife and daughter are the main reason I get up every day.
I thought about castration (I would love to be off spiro) but I would love GRS some day and I have a faint glimmer of hope :)
I know what you mean. I try to avoid seeing it as much as I can as it disgust me and I just hate it overall. I'd love to have GRS one day but for now I can only try to accept how I was born.
Well, I'm indifferent to mine. I just see it as an outy instead of an innie. If I see it, it doesn't really disgust me even though I would rather have an innie.
We are all different. And if you are that disgusted by it then you really need to see a therapist and so on. I would really rather have the other but sexual urges and all are just natural. Even if you had the "V" you would still have urges. Like I said, I just see it as an outy instead of an innie. I just don't let it define me as a man or woman. That is in my head, Psyche, personality and the way I express myself. I kind of hope this helps but doubt it will too much.
There are different degrees of frustration and disgust with "it," but basically you are probably a girl inside, so if you get hormones you can start to correct your physical body so it matches your mind and soul.
Johanna.
Quote from: JohannaJohn on August 23, 2014, 10:15:25 PM
There are different degrees of frustration and disgust with "it," but basically you are probably a girl inside, so if you get hormones you can start to correct your physical body so it matches your mind and soul.
Johanna.
I've been on hormones for eight years.
You are probably a woman on the inside. These days you can start to transition to make yourself whole.
It will not go away. Like you can suppress your feelings(due to others) but you will never be happy and just being at war with yourself.
All you have to do is look at a woman, walk past any type of women's store.
If you were a man on the inside you won't hate what you have between your legs.
Love yourself and make yourself happy.
Quote from: Jess42 on August 23, 2014, 08:57:32 PM
Well, I'm indifferent to mine. I just see it as an outy instead of an innie. If I see it, it doesn't really disgust me even though I would rather have an innie.
We are all different. And if you are that disgusted by it then you really need to see a therapist and so on. I would really rather have the other but sexual urges and all are just natural. Even if you had the "V" you would still have urges. Like I said, I just see it as an outy instead of an innie. I just don't let it define me as a man or woman. That is in my head, Psyche, personality and the way I express myself. I kind of hope this helps but doubt it will too much.
That's the weird thing. Having sex with a vagina, with my husband is natural (just imagining). But if its my penis, the thought is utterly disgusting. Castration wouldn't do it for me, I need the whole thing taken off.
Quote from: Cynthia Michelle on August 23, 2014, 08:34:19 PM
You do not feel like them because you are not cis, we are different.
Why does your junk feel wrong, because you are a girl. Some trans girls do not dislike their junk, some are mildly unhappy and some very unhappy.
I am so happy they are small now. Why, because they are wrong. Do I hate them, yes. Will I get GRS, IDK there are complications, time will tell. If I did not have a lot to lose I would in a heart beat. My wife and daughter are the main reason I get up every day.
I thought about castration (I would love to be off spiro) but I would love GRS some day and I have a faint glimmer of hope :)
I would say I am mildly unhappy about "down there," but about 4 weeks into HRT I don't have boy functionality down there anyway, I have beautiful BREASTS instead.
So, I don't feel a desperate need for SRS, but I will certainly consider it at some point. You see, my testosterone poisoning problems has been solved by estogen and progesterone and emotionally I am a euphoric GIRL who cries a lot now at unpredictable moments.
I am a FREE female person, in ecstasy. Emotional ecstasy, nothing sexual.
Johanna.
FEMALE.
Quote from: JohannaJohn on August 23, 2014, 11:51:24 PM
I would say I am mildly unhappy about "down there," but about 4 weeks into HRT I don't have boy functionality down there anyway, I have beautiful BREASTS instead.
So, I don't feel a desperate need for SRS, but I will certainly consider it at some point. You see, my testosterone poisoning problems has been solved by estogen and progesterone and emotionally I am a euphoric GIRL who cries a lot now at unpredictable moments.
I am a FREE female person, in ecstasy. Emotional ecstasy, nothing sexual.
Johanna.
FEMALE.
Typographical correction: That should read "starting about week 4 on full dose HRT and now 10 weeks into HRT in total, I don't have any boy functionality down there anyway."
It served its purpose and it had many successful attempts at making me look like a horny creep for just being snuggly, but now it can just pack its bags and get lost. The only thing that bothers me is if I'll somehow freak out years later for having a part of my body missing forever even though I have no emotional or psychological attachment. But I think with estrogen coursing through me by then it'll be less likely.
Those things are just weird, bulgy, uncomfortable, unpredictable, and often just plain frightening like some kind of territorial sand worm. Vaginas are weird, too, but at least they're not plotting to burst through your trousers during an unexpected arousal as if you're John Hurt in the movie 'Alien'. :p
But that's just me.
Quote from: Cynthia Michelle on August 23, 2014, 08:34:19 PM
Why does your junk feel wrong, because you are a girl. Some trans girls do not dislike their junk, some are mildly unhappy and some very unhappy.
I've never felt physically ill at the sight of my penis, as some have described. But it's just not
me. Even when I was in denial about being transgender, I still always wished I had a vagina. Part of what made me realize that I really am trans was realizing that most guys
never think that...in fact they're quite obsessed with their penis.
QuotePart of what made me realize that I really am trans was realizing that most guys never think that...in fact they're quite obsessed with their penis.
Either obsessed or find it entirely comfortable and amusing to make constant references. If those references are not being done by comedians on a stage they're just obnoxious and annoying. And what is the compulsion to send photos of it to every girl's cell phone and email? Does it sparkle? Does it have a tiny eyeball hiding inside the urethra? I swear, these guys could be compared in a controlled environment to a group of monkeys given iPhones and the data would be nearly indistinguishable.
As far back as I can remember I felt that it was wrong for me. Always felt that girl parts would be much nicer. However, I married young and now have two adult daughters. I still love my wife and do not want to harm that relationship.
In the past it gave me some pleasure with my wife but I never totally felt right about it. I was always uncomfortable standing next to another guy peeing. It frequently felt uncomfortable and embarrased me when it popped up at inappropriate times. I always wondered what it would be like to have girl parts.
I gave up standing to pee over 17 years ago and have not done so even once since then except occasionally in the shower. My wife is post menaupausal and quit wanting penetrative sex almost 6 years ago. That thing is now just an unnecessary and unwanted inconvenience for me. Full SRS would be nice but that is virtually impossible due to being unacceptable to my wife.
The most that I can hope for is total penectomy and castration only if there is some way that it can be classified as medically necessary. Also breast development and other body and facial feminization would be nice but that would also have to appear to be natural. HOW CAN THIS BE POSSIBLE?
Dysphoria down there just increases the more I live as myself. I used to not care very much about those parts, but after 3 years of HRT, my body looks great except for that. It stands out more and more as being wrong. I just blank it from my mind as best I can, that's my way of dealing with it. I'm getting in the queue for surgery, and have my letters now. I already have 2 daughters, it has to go....
C -
The disgust is so strong that I don't even want to talk about it. Ugh.
Well, I mean it can be pretty convenient, but it feels so wrong on me.
I sometime get anxiety snd nausea, when I see mine. But most of the time its not too bad, i just totally dont identify with it, I dont like how it looks, and looking at it sticking out of my body makes me feel totally uncomfortable!
The worst bit for me though is my sex drive, I totally cannot wait to get onto hrt, I just hate the feeling of arousal!
The whole thing is horrible :/
the reason I suppose im not like other men, is that im not a man!!! My brain simply cannot cope with testosterone, I hate it so much :(
X
I don't feel disgusted by my penis. It works and does its thing, but it's not right. It's not what I should have. With it, I can possibly get something that would work for me and make me feel more like me....
I never really felt disgusted by it. But I've never been thrilled with it either.
I never really had much of a sex drive either. Sex is/was a chore for me.
Quote from: Jaz650 on August 23, 2014, 10:53:50 PM
That's the weird thing. Having sex with a vagina, with my husband is natural (just imagining). But if its my penis, the thought is utterly disgusting. Castration wouldn't do it for me, I need the whole thing taken off.
Yeah but there is a lot of difference between fantasy and fact. Fantasy would be you having a vagina and having sex with your husband. Fact is that you really need to see a gender therapist and the then take the appropriate steps to transition if that is your goal. Another fact, you are definitely gonna' need it if you are thinking GRS down the road. So it can be a useful thing to have. ???
Quote from: Jess42 on August 25, 2014, 06:58:00 AM
Yeah but there is a lot of difference between fantasy and fact. Fantasy would be you having a vagina and having sex with your husband. Fact is that you really need to see a gender therapist and the then take the appropriate steps to transition if that is your goal. Another fact, you are definitely gonna' need it if you are thinking GRS down the road. So it can be a useful thing to have. ???
I am having SRS in February. I've been on hormones for eight years. I've been living stealth and full time since I was fourteen. My point was that even the thought of using my penis is disgusting! I'm even attracted to FTMs. Ugh I feel like puking just thinking about it! I think I'm traumatized by my penis.
I hate to tell you there are some genetic women disgusted by their vaginas
I hate to tell you there are some trans women who are disgusted with their neo vaginas.
why so disgusted is it deformed, do you have female chromosomes
Why go on a rant if you want SRS go ahead.
if you want to mutilate your penis because you feel so disgusted by it
the doctors will be more than glad to do it for you.
And as a bonus you will have to pay for it unless you have insurance.
that covers SRS.
Disgust is generated in the mind and is not really a physical problem unless
you are physically deformed. male genitals are not a deformity
Victoria n, I do not know your background but the OP is expressing her dysphonia and how it related to her. Male genitals on a female is a deformity, especially if she suffers from dysphoria over them.
I have disgust over my gonads. They should not be there.
My penis is small and I damaged it when I was young. I would squeezed it so hard that I damaged the shaft tissue. The scar tissue acts as a band. I would rupture the scar tissue too. If it gets erect there is a lot of pain.
Quote from: victoria n on August 25, 2014, 05:55:10 PM
I hate to tell you there are some genetic women disgusted by their vaginas
I hate to tell you there are some trans women who are disgusted with their neo vaginas.
why so disgusted is it deformed, do you have female chromosomes
Why go on a rant if you want SRS go ahead.
if you want to mutilate your penis because you feel so disgusted by it
the doctors will be more than glad to do it for you.
And as a bonus you will have to pay for it unless you have insurance.
that covers SRS.
Disgust is generated in the mind and is not really a physical problem unless
you are physically deformed. male genitals are not a deformity
Being Catholic I hear the word mutilation a lot, in regards to SRS. Maybe it is mutilation, but to me it is very much a medical necessity. Do you know how it feels to fear if today is the day my hormones are not going to work? I cannot be a man, because I am a woman. So yes it is deformity to have a girl heart and a boy body. And
SRS is very much medically necessary.
I guess that any woman would be disgusted to have strange things hanging between her legs. I've asked several women friends how they feel about their bodies & most all say that I do not see how you could stand something so strange between your legs, get rid of it GF!! For myself this thing has always just been something in the way & looked strange & wrong. It's only use will be to make a nice vagina I hope. That would be such a nice day for me. I enjoy men & life would be so much nicer to have a normal body. So to me it seems perfectly normal to be disgusted with this thing attached to our bodies.
Quote from: Jessica Merriman on August 23, 2014, 04:33:28 PM
Because you are not like them, so just accept this fact. Nothing wrong with it at all. I look at mine as an organ donor for a new vajaja.
OMG, Jessica! You have me dying of laughter here! :)
Quote from: Jaz650 on August 25, 2014, 06:41:13 PM
Being Catholic I hear the word mutilation a lot, in regards to SRS. Maybe it is mutilation, but to me it is very much a medical necessity. Do you know how it feels to fear if today is the day my hormones are not going to work? I cannot be a man, because I am a woman. So yes it is deformity to have a girl heart and a boy body. And
SRS is very much medically necessary.
That comes from the "God doesn't make mistakes" BS line from the church. Ask them about cleft palates and club feet. Should we fix those with surgery? How about defective hearts? Other birth defects? This is just one more. It doesn't look like it because they cannot see inside our brains, where we have female structures inside a male body.
Quote from: katiej on August 24, 2014, 03:04:15 AM
I've never felt physically ill at the sight of my penis, as some have described. But it's just not me. Even when I was in denial about being transgender, I still always wished I had a vagina. Part of what made me realize that I really am trans was realizing that most guys never think that...in fact they're quite obsessed with their penis.
Worse, have you ever seen "normal" males react if you discuss GCS in any detail? It's rather amusing.
Quote from: LizMarie on August 25, 2014, 10:25:26 PM
OMG, Jessica! You have me dying of laughter here! :)
That comes from the "God doesn't make mistakes" BS line from the church. Ask them about cleft palates and club feet. Should we fix those with surgery? How about defective hearts? Other birth defects? This is just one more. It doesn't look like it because they cannot see inside our brains, where we have female structures inside a male body.
True, but it goes beyond that. They say we are mutilating a healthy body. They also believe we need psychotherapy and not surgery. Although, I have many understanding Catholic priest friends.
Quote from: Jaz650 on August 25, 2014, 08:38:12 AM
I am having SRS in February. I've been on hormones for eight years. I've been living stealth and full time since I was fourteen. My point was that even the thought of using my penis is disgusting! I'm even attracted to FTMs. Ugh I feel like puking just thinking about it! I think I'm traumatized by my penis.
Well, just hold on Jaz. It will all change in 6 mos.
Quote from: Jaz650 on August 25, 2014, 06:41:13 PM
Being Catholic I hear the word mutilation a lot, in regards to SRS. Maybe it is mutilation, but to me it is very much a medical necessity. Do you know how it feels to fear if today is the day my hormones are not going to work? I cannot be a man, because I am a woman. So yes it is deformity to have a girl heart and a boy body. And
SRS is very much medically necessary.
That could be a big part of your disgust in you penis too. Yeah, if you grew up in a church and heard it called mutilation before then yeah, I very much understand your disgust in it. And no, it is not mutilation, It is corrective surgery or maybe you could even consider it cosmetic surgery. ;) How many people that are calling SRS mutilation have liposuction, nose jobs, face lifts and so on? :P Would that not be mutilation too? SRS isn't mutilation. If it was, doctors wouldn't perform the surgery. So corrective or cosmetic surgery, it's done to bring the body more in line with the mind. Face lifts, liposuction and nose jobs, what is that for? Someone that has an ugly nose, it can cause dyphoria. Someone is obese, it can cause dyphoria. Someone looks too old, it can cause dysphoria. So... Just saying if you ever need any stones to throw back. ;)
Quote from: Jess42 on August 26, 2014, 07:39:33 AM
Well, just hold on Jaz. It will all change in 6 mos.
That could be a big part of your disgust in you penis too. Yeah, if you grew up in a church and heard it called mutilation before then yeah, I very much understand your disgust in it. And no, it is not mutilation, It is corrective surgery or maybe you could even consider it cosmetic surgery. ;) How many people that are calling SRS mutilation have liposuction, nose jobs, face lifts and so on? :P Would that not be mutilation too? SRS isn't mutilation. If it was, doctors wouldn't perform the surgery. So corrective or cosmetic surgery, it's done to bring the body more in line with the mind. Face lifts, liposuction and nose jobs, what is that for? Someone that has an ugly nose, it can cause dyphoria. Someone is obese, it can cause dyphoria. Someone looks too old, it can cause dysphoria. So... Just saying if you ever need any stones to throw back. ;)
[/quote/
thank you I like the idea of corrective surgery. :)
Well really that is all it is. Like I said, I gave you plenty of stones to throw back when people talk about "mutilation" and SRS surgery. We do it because we have severe mental problems caused by not having a body that matches the mind or Psyche or Soul or Spirit. Fortunately we can change the body and short of brainwashing, which I don't think would even work, we can't change the Psyche. Sometimes it is the only way that we can survive. Usually when people get the cosmetic surgery, a lot of it is for reasons of vanity. Like I said Jaz, you got plenty of stones to throw. Actually if you want to look at it like this, with the level of dysphoria that you are experiencing, this is just as much a life saving procedure as a triple bypass and not even corrective surgery. I won't go into all of that but to you it may indeed save your life if it disgusts you that bad. So to you and others it is just as much a life saving procedure as open heart surgery.
6 mos. Jaz. Just keep that in mind.
Since I can only go by how I feel here, I know my genital dysphoria is crippling at times to an extent I just fall to my knees and cry. At least 3 to 4 times per day I fight the urge to get out my trusty fillet knife and perform surgery on myself. The only thing that stops me is remembering my ex SO's voice in my head explaining to me how they need the tissue down there to create my vagina but that is very little comfort. It's constantly haunting me every day. So I know how some of you feel.
Thankfully though, I'm having my SRS this December which is all I hold onto with everything emotionally I can muster to get through til it passes. Then I brace myself for next time. I wish I were stronger mentally like many of you here. But I am who I am. My nightmare will be over soon.
Ali :icon_flower:
Quote from: Allyda on August 26, 2014, 02:36:58 PM
Since I can only go by how I feel here, I know my genital dysphoria is crippling at times to an extent I just fall to my knees and cry. Thankfully though, I'm having my SRS this December which is all I hold onto with everything emotionally I can muster to get through til it passes. Then I brace myself for next time. I wish I were stronger mentally like many of you here. But I am who I am. My nightmare will be over soon.
Ali :icon_flower:
Allyda you are strong! That's why you are being true to yourself. Congratulations on your SRS date. Hope all goes well. God bless you!
I think its disgusting and I hate it, but not to the point of nausea. Since I started tucking most of the time I don't even know its there unless I get aroused. My brain can't comprehend why arousal would make my "vagina" hurt.
Quote from: Jaz650 on August 26, 2014, 02:41:56 PM
Allyda you are strong! That's why you are being true to yourself. Congratulations on your SRS date. Hope all goes well. God bless you!
Thanks Jaz, congrat's on your surgery date as well. It seems both of us will be whole soon. And that is happy happy news that's comforting me a little.
Ali :icon_flower:
The biggest part of my dysphoria really isn't really due to my penis. Yeah, I would rather have a vagina instead but it's just not the overwhelming factor in why I have dysphoria.
If I go "all the way" and have SRS I am a bit scared of the maintenance and after care. Realizing that I have to dilate every day otherwise I run the risk of becoming seriously ill scares me. I am hoping by the time I'm ready they have something to fix that problem but I doubt it.
Anyway, most of my dysphoria actually is from the complete package and not just one part.
Quote from: ImagineKate on August 26, 2014, 02:52:37 PM
The biggest part of my dysphoria really isn't really due to my penis. Yeah, I would rather have a vagina instead but it's just not the overwhelming factor in why I have dysphoria.
If I go "all the way" and have SRS I am a bit scared of the maintenance and after care. Realizing that I have to dilate every day otherwise I run the risk of becoming seriously ill scares me. I am hoping by the time I'm ready they have something to fix that problem but I doubt it.
Anyway, most of my dysphoria actually is from the complete package and not just one part.
well the reason I really dislike it, is that I can detransition at anytime. That's really scary. Also it's just nasty.
Quote from: Jess42 on August 26, 2014, 11:19:55 AM
Well really that is all it is. Like I said, I gave you plenty of stones to throw back when people talk about "mutilation" and SRS surgery. We do it because we have severe mental problems caused by not having a body that matches the mind or Psyche or Soul or Spirit. Fortunately we can change the body and short of brainwashing, which I don't think would even work, we can't change the Psyche. Sometimes it is the only way that we can survive. Usually when people get the cosmetic surgery, a lot of it is for reasons of vanity. Like I said Jaz, you got plenty of stones to throw. Actually if you want to look at it like this, with the level of dysphoria that you are experiencing, this is just as much a life saving procedure as a triple bypass and not even corrective surgery. I won't go into all of that but to you it may indeed save your life if it disgusts you that bad. So to you and others it is just as much a life saving procedure as open heart surgery.
6 mos. Jaz. Just keep that in mind.
You're really cool Jess. I actually agree with you. It is not mutilation, it is a medical necessity. My social worker witnessed a study where transsexual brains were different than male brains, but more like female brains. The study took place in Thailand.
Quote from: Jaz650 on August 26, 2014, 03:46:53 PM
You're really cool Jess. I actually agree with you. It is not mutilation, it is a medical necessity. My social worker witnessed a study where transsexual brains were different than male brains, but more like female brains. The study took place in Thailand.
Yeah. I know I'm cool. 8) Rockerchick and all. Oh yeah, you don't need a study in Thailand to tell you guys don't cry, girls do. Guys don't like chick flicks, girls do. Its all snakes and snail and puppy dog tails, which all I hate except puppy dog tails unless they are cut from the puppy. :'( I am all sugar and spice and everything nice. But just ain't so nice though. I am a rocker chick and bad girl so.... >:-) Can be nice but the halo's a little tarnished. Got my wings but they are little leathery. ;)
Quote from: Jess42 on August 26, 2014, 05:03:18 PM
Yeah. I know I'm cool. 8) Rockerchick and all. Oh yeah, you don't need a study in Thailand to tell you guys don't cry, girls do. Guys don't like chick flicks, girls do. Its all snakes and snail and puppy dog tails, which all I hate except puppy dog tails unless they are cut from the puppy. :'( I am all sugar and spice and everything nice. But just ain't so nice though. I am a rocker chick and bad girl so.... >:-) Can be nice but the halo's a little tarnished. Got my wings but they are little leathery. ;)
huh?
I hate my balls. They have enlarged and are always in the way. I want them removed asap. My penis is so small it does not bother me that much, but I can do without it as it is useless.
Quote from: CynthiaAnn on August 24, 2014, 10:29:02 AM
Dysphoria down there just increases the more I live as myself. I used to not care very much about those parts, but after 3 years of HRT, my body looks great except for that. It stands out more and more as being wrong. I just blank it from my mind as best I can, that's my way of dealing with it. I'm getting in the queue for surgery, and have my letters now. I already have 2 daughters, it has to go....
C -
Wow, how interesting to find my old post of almost 5 years ago, and get a glimpse of what was going on in my head at this time. I remember this period of "intensifying body dysphoria" during my transition, and I was getting my Dr's approval letters for GCS in order during this time.
Today I can look back and be thankful I made it to the other side, dysphoria squelched, vanquished. Life for me is blissful post op today and this is my personal shout out to myself of the past here, we won !
C -
Even before I realized I was a girl, I always felt like I had been given a membership card to a club I would never fit in with. Most of the guys around me were going dick first everywhere they went. Me? I would just kinda drag mine along because I could not leave it elsewhere. It always reminded me of a Republican unless I had an erection, in which case it was a Republican running for reelection.
Thank goodness modern medicine has a method for removing foreign objects from the body.
Ricki