(This topic was inspired by "Stuff Parents Say" topic)
If you don't mind sharing the lines that people (of any age) you see for the first time talking ignorantly behind your back as if you can't hear or even saying something directly to you.
With me, just recently:
I was at a flea market and had a MALE doll in my bag:
Little girl asks the adult woman(her grandmother?) Is that a boy or girl?
Woman answers: She has a doll so shes a girl.
(By the way, I was never interested in dolls until just recently)
"She looks like a boy! *whisperwhisper*" All of this behind my back at a line in McDonald's. Like.. directly behind me. I was tempted to give em the bird but realized they weren't worth my time.
Once in hospital a nurse next to my room told her other nurse friend , " he should stop believing he is a woman" , i think she didnt realize i was awake .
The only thing I have been asked is if I am a girl or a boy but it was only because my mom still refers to me as her daughter so my baby cousin would ask but she still refers to me as him, I pass 100% so I am pretty lucky I don't really get talked about by strangers especially since my haircut.
Me: *wearing my boyfriend's awesome Batman hoodie*
Guy on bus with his preschool-age son: *totally decked out in awesome Batman clothes*
Me: "You guys have some pretty cool taste in clothes!"
Batdad guy: *side-eye and suspicious glare* "Mhm" *turns away and avoids eye contact*
I used to get the "is that a boy or a girl" in school all the time.
I've gotten the are you a boy or girl twice recently. One today by a very young girl and once yesterday by a very old lady. The lady followed the question up a bit later with "are you in high school?" lol. I'm 44. And then "step closer so I can see you. I'm nearly blind" It just struck me as funny, I wasn't offended. My friend, the daughter of the old lady was not as amused.
The only time I got something like this was years ago, pre-T, in line at the servo. A young couple behind me were like, "is that a girl or a dude?" and the other said, "don't know, it's hard to tell with people these days". lol
I've gotten "Are you a boy or girl?" many times while working, and wearing my name tag that has my very male name on it (unless there's some female name that's shortened to Ben that I don't know about). Then again, these people also asked me if I worked there as I was stocking shelves, wearing a name tag, wearing a polo and decent slacks in the store colors, so.
My favorite gender questioning was from high school, before I even knew, when I was in the ladies' and these two girls saw me go in and asked my friend, "Is that a dude?" My friend said, "No, she's a girl." The one girl said, "No he's not. That's totally a dude!" My friend says, "I've known her for two years, I think I'd know." In retrospect, it's pretty darn hilarious.
This was the same night a girl asked me out for her friend and I said, "If your friend wants to ask me out, he can ask me himself." and got "My friend is a girl!" in response. Shortly after, a different friend of mine called me by my birth name, and I heard the same girl say, "Isn't [birthname] a <i>girl's</i> name?!" Part of me was somewhat offended--I thought I was just a tomboy at the time, since I didn't know that trans was a thing--but I couldn't help being somewhat pleased as well. Mostly, I was confused though, haha.
Homecoming night freshman year was pretty hilarious, TBH. These days, people don't ask too often. I got some weird looks camping last weekend, though, but that was because I wasn't binding that day, as I was bound and determined to completely relax.
First case wasn't so much what he said, but how he acted. Walked into a McDonald's and the guy at the cash was acting all bro-like "Hey man what would you like" I told him and his jaw slackened a bit and started messing up his words and then proceeded to get the wrong order down. His coworker started giving him a hard time and was laughing at him (for getting the order wrong she was saying). I thought it was hilarious but was also annoyed that my voice wasn't passing.
Second case I was sitting next to this path and two guys rode by on their bikes. The one yells out "ARE YOU A BOY OR A GIRL? LOOOOOOL". They were gone before I could say anything. I was kinda amazed at his immaturity and stupidity more than offended.
Other than that, I haven't really gotten anything. Maybe one or two side-glances but yeah.
"How can I help you sir- err ma'am....whatever you are"
I had the "man or woman?" treatment from two immature young women during my first attempt at transition. They were sitting behind me on a bus. Interestingly. It was at a point, two years in on HRT when I had decided to stop transition, was presenting in male clothing and had just had my long hair cut short apparently giving me an androgynous look because my face looked very feminine but the rest if me (tall, no visible boobs) looked male. I was confusing a lot of people at the time.
Quote from: kdbrrw on September 23, 2014, 02:33:15 PM
"How can I help you sir- err ma'am....whatever you are"
It makes me wonder how people think it is OK to say things like that!?!
Wow, some of these replies are mind blowing.
@Chipper - just wow, dude. Wow.
Very early in my transition I got the occasional second glance of someone trying to "figure it out," so to speak, but no one ever said anything to me or within my earshot. I think I got a lot more "are you a boy or a girl" sort of trouble when I was in high school. (I'm closer to 40 than 30 at this point.)
I did have one moment maybe half a year pre-transition/pre-out at the office that was very *head-desk* worthy, though. We had a member of our off-site staff that I had never met before (there are lots of them) in the office on day. When we met she very excitedly said, (as if this was something they talked about), "I hope you don't mind my saying, but a number of the (other staff I work with that I haven't met) think you're a man. I told them I was pretty sure you were a woman - and here you are!" I internally winced at the time and thought, "Oh, lady, you have no idea... and that is so wrong on so many levels..."
I'm sure if/when I next see her, it will be a very interesting moment/conversation indeed. :)
Almost all of my really memorable "stuff strangers say" moments have been with medical professionals though, humorously (read: sadly?) enough.
I had an exceptionally curious cardiologist assistant ask me all sorts of personal questions (to be fair, I told her she could) - she was like a kid in a candy shop. She said some wholly inappropriate (and some technically racist-stereotyping) things; I'd tell the tale fully, but I can't without repeating them and I'd rather not, but honestly, she meant well. I truly believe the lady just didn't know any better. Her curiosity was genuine and she thanked me for being willing to answer all her questions - very polite otherwise.
I had one doctor send me for a mammogram, post top-surgery, with the subsequent radiologist being exceptionally nervous about telling me they couldn't do the procedure and that they weren't sure why my GP would have sent me in this instance (I figured that was going to be the case, but I gave the GP the benefit of the doubt; maybe she knew something I didn't, right?). Poor radiologist was so embarrassed by the whole thing. Felt maybe just a little bit bad to have put her in that circumstance. When she saw I wasn't angry or upset about the situation, though, she relaxed some. (I actually laughed, I couldn't help myself. As a friend so cleverly put at a later point, "Why'd she even send you, you have no mammos to gram!")
I had a dermatologist very quickly say he didn't know anything about it, upon hearing the reason for my HRT. While assessing my scalp issues and hair loss (why I was there), that the hair loss really resembled female pattern baldness much more than male pattern baldness, paused, then said, "Which I guess makes sense since the genetics don't change, only the... (starting to falter a little) appearance..." and then seemed to think he maybe said something inappropriate, and quickly moved on. I like to hope that exchange made him think a little outside his usual client box. :)
Guy behind me near me on the tube: "Haha, is that thing male or female?"
Guy's mate: "Who cares? Dude, they're a person first. Have some respect."
Awesome.
I just remembered once when I was 16 and binding for the first time my parents took us kids out to eat. We went to this super fancy place and when the sever got to me he literally could not stop himself....and what can I get for you sir, ma'am, sir, ma'am,.....He did this every time he came back to the table. I could have died.
Quote from: TeeBoi on September 23, 2014, 06:02:56 PM
Guy behind me near me on the tube: "Haha, is that thing male or female?"
Guy's mate: "Who cares? Dude, they're a person first. Have some respect."
Awesome.
This is awesome! If only all people were like that.
I'll give two incidents when it caught me off-guard and was kinda funny.
Special Needs Boy: Are you daughter or son?
Me: Huh? (wasn't paying attention) What did you ask?
Boy: Are you daughter or son?
His Caregiver: Don't ask questions like that!
Me: It's alright, I don't mind. Daughter.
Boy: Oh. I like your clothes.
Me: Thanks! And I love your hair.
Boy: *Blush and smile*
____________________________________________________
At walmart
Some Random Chick (Hot): Hey, do you go to the high school?
Me: Yeah. Senior. You?
Girl: No way! Me too. I kinda see you a lot.
Me: I probably saw you around. Small school.
Girl: I like it.
We have a conversation, next thing I know....
Girl: So... Are you single?
Me: Yeah. You?
Girl: I am. You seem like a nice guy and this'll probably be weird but can we talk some time?
Me: Um, I appreciate it, but did you say guy? (we haven't used pronouns until now)
Girl: Yeah. You are a guy right?
Me: I'm sorry to disappoint you in saying no. I'm actually a girl.
Girl: Oh my God! I'm so sorry! I thought you were a guy this whole time!
Me: *laugh* it's fine! I get it all the time. I don't try to pass, but everyone thinks so.
Girl: *laughs herself* I'm sorry, I swear you look and sound and even ACT like a guy. You even STAND like a guy, I couldn't tell!
Me: Years of practice (she laughs at that)
Girl: Well I'm sorry but I'm not a lesbian or anything. I swear I thought you were a guy, I'm so sorry!
Me: I swear it's fine. I gotta go though, I'll see you tomorrow at school.
Girl: *chuckle chuckle* okay, bye!
I saw her at school tomorrow just walking and she says, 'Hey walmart stud!' We talk a lot. Funny how you meet people huh? The walmart one I wrote just how I think it sorta went. She spoke really fast at times and it was loud. Overall, its our conversation basically. We tell it like I wrote it and fill each others parts in, it's funny hearing us explain it.
Quote from: Brandon on September 21, 2014, 09:03:11 PM
especially since my haircut.
Any recent pics, post-haircut? (I guess they wouldn't belong in this thread, but I had to ask.)
Quote from: kdbrrw on September 23, 2014, 02:33:15 PM
"How can I help you sir- err ma'am....whatever you are"
I got that from the guy who was putting my harness on for skydiving, not the most reassuring thing! But admittedly I did really, really need a haircut at the time.
I can't think of any times which really stand out other than people telling me their reactions when the first met me after I came out, but they were too embarrassed to tell me at the time.
One girl who was in the room I was in initially (it was a dorm type jobs and I wasn't out yet) wondered why someone's younger brother had been left there. Another thought I was young boy who had somehow snuck onto the base, and then that I was a man hating lesbian when he discovered my name. Another's parents had argued all the 400miles back home about what gender I was.
Quote from: kdbrrw on September 23, 2014, 02:33:15 PM
"How can I help you sir- err ma'am....whatever you are"
My ex used to wonder why people feel the need to tack on a gender-specific term, or even any term at all. He would have gone with "How can I help you?" and left it at that. I find that a little abrupt.
Actually, I've always rather admired the nonspecific "comrade." But then we would all sound like holdovers from the former Soviet Union.
Ive got the 'how can I help you si..ma..uh' thing. never heard any of them say whatever you are but generally they stare at me with panic in their eyes and I secretly enjoy it >:-) Oops. Then I've got kids asking parents and parents shushing them, which I really think is sad. Learning moment here parents, use it. If a kid asks me I always ask what they think first, and explain you can't always tell. I wish some adults would ask before they just say what they think, like the kids do.
And I've gotten passing related reactions, like old ladies asking me if I shouldn't be in school and not believing me if I say I'm in college. Or on the train, when I'm sitting there in my hoodie, the person who checks the tickets being really rude and short with me until I open my mouth (and stop passing immediatly) and he suddenly becomes superpolite and patient? So strange, so I look like a teenageboy and you treat me like ->-bleeped-<-? Or the other way around I've recently had because my voice has dropped. This guy comes to stand really close to me in the subway, clearly being sleazy (there was plenty of room and he had that little smile on his face). So next stop I push past him to stand in the open space and paying attention to my voice ask 'what do you think you're doing'. He looked so shocked, and he was apologizing and stuttering: 'wow sorry dude, I thought...->-bleeped-<- sorry...'. And kept looking me up and down XD
Okay this happened today and honestly was hilarious to me. I was at drivers ed and theres a door for females and male bathrooms. Obviously the teacher knew my gender from the start so I couldn't fake my way into the females, but the classroom apparently didn't. I hadn't noticed they all thought I was a guy the whole time (so at least my voice passes!) Anywhere heres what happened when I walked out and saw everyone looking at me horrified.
me: what?
Girl 1: What the h___? are you a pervert or something?
me: uhhh, what?
Girl 2: Thats the girls bathroom way, you know.
me: I know. And?
Boy 1: And the guys bathroom is *dramatic point* right there!
me: I've noticed. (i know what they're getting at I decided to play stupid)
girl 1: So why did you go to the girls bathroom then?
me: Maybe because my ID says female, maybe because I have breasts, a vagina, and a monthly demon. Maybe that has something to do with it, but heck I don't know.
Everyone (or the basic sense of what they were saying): You're a chick?????
me: *smile* Yup!
Everyone (again, basic sense of it): Oh my God! I'm so sorry! I thought you were a guy! I couldn't tell! Do you get this a lot? Are you, like, a transgender? Wait, so you're a lesbian then? *insert 20 more questions*
me: haha. It's cool. I can see! Obviously! Yeah, I do. Yes, ma'am I surely am! The correct term is "Stud" lesbian. *answer, answer, answer*
So basically, I thought my voice would deter people from thinking I was male. Guess not. I guess, pre-T and all, I pass pretty damn well. Now I don't see any of them for 98% of the time so they are basically strangers to me.
Quote from: Arch on September 24, 2014, 02:40:14 AM
My ex used to wonder why people feel the need to tack on a gender-specific term, or even any term at all. He would have gone with "How can I help you?" and left it at that. I find that a little abrupt.
Actually, I've always rather admired the nonspecific "comrade." But then we would all sound like holdovers from the former Soviet Union.
This is rough. As a non-binary person, I'm hesitant to affix a gender specific marker like "sir" or "ma'am," but at the same time, I can't help but hold certain expectations of politeness. I constantly want to call people by some honorary title as a show of respect. I honestly wish comrade was a thing here in the U.S., so I give a "head nod" to folks without gendering them inappropriately.
I never ever pass in public and the ONE TIME I DID it was at the Atlanta airport. So I was going through security and one of the people go "Sir, we're going to need you to step over here for a random check" (or whatever, something like that) and I'm thinking ohhhh nnnooooo. So I go over to them and they start, like, patting me down and the second they realize their "mistake" they like fly off of me and say "you'refreetomoveonma'am" real quick and they look over to their colleague all wide eyed and I'm trying so hard not to crack up any my mom just looks like she's going to die.
The other really good one was when I was walking around in petsmart alone one day and these two little boys with their dad (one was about seven and the other was about nine) were in the same aisle and I hear the older one go "is that a boy or a girl?" and the younger one replies "I don't care, they're wearing a Mass Effect t-shirt!!!!!!!" in the most excited voice you've ever heard. It was pretty much adorable.
My developmentally disabled teenaged daughter likes to wear sparkly dresses and princess costumes, and sometimes a stranger will tell her they like her outfit and then turn to me and apologize for hitting on my girlfriend or my sister. My skin crawls with all the layers of wrong. She usually informs them that I'm her dad, so they get confused and sometimes apologize again, but they aren't bothered by what I think is actually creepy, so we tend to hastily part ways with entirely different ideas about what just happened. This happens a lot. It really makes me resent some strangers and the stuff they say. I feel like we wouldn't have this problem if I looked as old as I am.
Quote from: Ianianian on September 25, 2014, 12:44:15 AM
I never ever pass in public and the ONE TIME I DID it was at the Atlanta airport. So I was going through security and one of the people go "Sir, we're going to need you to step over here for a random check" (or whatever, something like that) and I'm thinking ohhhh nnnooooo. So I go over to them and they start, like, patting me down and the second they realize their "mistake" they like fly off of me and say "you'refreetomoveonma'am" real quick and they look over to their colleague all wide eyed and I'm trying so hard not to crack up and my mom just looks like she's going to die.
I had this situation a few times. On a school trip the cis guy before me was called through the gates with "Come on through Miss", and then I was called through with "On you come Sir". Fortunately everyone was too busy laughing at him to notice me as I wasn't out yet, and thankfully it was one of the only times in my life that the alarm didn't go off.
Another time I was flying out and set the alarm off, and got frisked by the guy. I was terrified as I wasn't binding at the time because I was going on holiday to Iceland, where I'd be layered enough anyway. Somehow he didn't notice, or if he did he didn't let on, because when I left he gendered me as male.
On the way back I set it off yet again, and was questioned quite furiously about what gender I was in Icelandic. Somehow they always think me and my family are Icelandic, where in reality we know how to read a handful of words, and that's about as good as our level of Icelandic gets.
Quote from: NathanielM on September 24, 2014, 08:46:42 AMThen I've got kids asking parents and parents shushing them, which I really think is sad. Learning moment here parents, use it. If a kid asks me I always ask what they think first, and explain you can't always tell. I wish some adults would ask before they just say what they think, like the kids do.
Kids are so brilliant! I really wish more people would keep this quality of childhood further into their adult lives. In fact, more adults should try to learn from their children. If you're curious about something, just ask and take it as a learning opportunity instead of avoiding eye contact and continuing on with what you think you already know. I'd be more than happy to explain things to anyone who was actually willing to listen.
Walking out of the Endo's office yesterday I heard a clueless sounding receptionist say "What's up with Dr X's Wednesday patients?"
Guessing she was new.
Quote from: Eevee on September 25, 2014, 02:12:19 AM
Kids are so brilliant! I really wish more people would keep this quality of childhood further into their adult lives. In fact, more adults should try to learn from their children. If you're curious about something, just ask and take it as a learning opportunity instead of avoiding eye contact and continuing on with what you think you already know. I'd be more than happy to explain things to anyone who was actually willing to listen.
I feel that was too! I honestly like to tell kids because where I live, these kids act like I'm something rare because black people are still not very common. So just seeing me waltz around makes them very wide-eyed. One kid even said, 'my dad told me not to talk to strangers, but you're funny!' And tbh I don't remember why.
But heck if a kid asks me if I'm a boy or a girl and their parents shush them, I say, 'No sir/ma'am, it's perfectly fine. They're just curious nothing wrong with that.' Then I correct them and, to prevent further confusion, I say I'm a boy I just sound a little like a girl. Parents just smile and nod but the ONE TIME I said I'm a girl, the boys father dragged him to his mother, came back to me, and said, 'keep your ->-bleeped-<-got ass away from my children.'
Uhhhhhh, okay? Well went from nice to I'm gonna kill you in .5 seconds! But dang, not like I'm gonna beat the kids.... :(
Reading some of these are so disturbing and disgusting that my heart is literally beating fast as if I was the one who experienced them.
One of the residents on the street stopped me earlier. She's a very old woman, born in the Taisho era so she's about 90. She always talks to me and my husband when she sees us because she likes having foreigners in the neighborhood. I don't know her name because when I asked, she told me "I'm grandma! Call me grandma!" So I thought nothing when Obaachan stopped me. Here's how the conversation went.
Her: Where's your husband?
Me: he's working. New semester so he's busy.
Her: as expected. Are you a boy?!
me: Uh.. yes.
Her: Well, I'm sorry! I thought you were a girl since you have such a nice looking man!
Me: Ahaha. Ah... It's okay. We're....uh...
Her: It's so great that you two can be who you are! These young kids today act like its a bad thing! And all these old ->-bleeped-<-ers calling you "homo", grandma is proud of you! I'll tell everyone you're homo! I'm sorry I thought you were a girl!
On my way home, I heard the grandson of the local deli tell his mom "See! I knew it was two guys! I told you! He's just kinda girly!"
Like my street needs anymore reasons to gossip about me! XD it's not a bad thing. If anything I haven't stopped laughing about it.
I've heard a lot of young people wondering what I am, until they spot my legs. Then they say "he's a super fabulous homo". I would take offense, but who am I kidding? I'm an insanely fabulous man.
It's a little off topic, but I wanted to share an experience that wasn't so negative. I get a lot of comments here since I'm ... I'm pretty much Arian. I'm the only blue eyed blonde in my family. Not all of what I hear is nice, but I have heard a lot of nice things too.
this is an old story and i've told it before, anyway i like telling it. i was at a b'day party of a neighbouring kid and one of his cousins- a 5yr old fell into a chat with me.
me-so you're going to school next year?
kid-yeah!
me-what school?
kid-*the boys school next door to my school*(i went to an all girls school)
me-oh cool! that's just next to my school!
kid-what? it's *my school* next to ours
me-and that's my school
kid-don't lie. that's a girls school
me-yeah yeah that's my school
kid-you're lying
me-ask her then (pointing to an older cousin of his who knows me. i wasnt trying to pass and hadnt come out to anyone)
the kid goes to his cousin and asks- sister, that brother says he goes to *my school* he's lying right?
her- she's not a brother. she's a sister
kid-no way. don't lie
her-she is a girl. look, she's...(she gets lost at words) wearing earrings!
the kid is not convinced but believes her while everyone laughs at the kid. poor kid.
Quote from: kdbrrw on September 23, 2014, 02:33:15 PM
"How can I help you sir- err ma'am....whatever you are"
I've had to deal with this too at work on several occasions (usually from 40+yr old men) and it infuriates me, but it is sadly not the worst I've heard.
I work as a cashier so hundreds of people go by my register every day. Once a woman goes, "sir...umm...ma'am....uuuh...sir," then turns to the stranger behind her to say, "I don't know what
it is."
Another was when a little 4-5 year old child called me a boy and the mother insisted that I was a girl. They argued for about thirty seconds because he keeps saying I have a boy's face. The mother then pointed at my chest and told her son, "look lower."
Quote from: Ayden on September 26, 2014, 01:09:18 AM
I've heard a lot of young people wondering what I am, until they spot my legs. Then they say "he's a super fabulous homo". I would take offense, but who am I kidding? I'm an insanely fabulous man.
This made me laugh so hard xD
---------------------------
ok...three different incidents popped into my head when I saw the title of this thread so, sorry for being long winded but here they are in the order they happened:
Around 6 years ago, working retail, two trans women are in my store talking about me....labelled as 1 and 2 :P
1: Do you think she's *gestures at me* like us?
2: I was thinking the same thing
1: She'd look so much better if she wore makeup
2: *nodding* and grew her hair....and wore better clothes
1: Should we say something?
At that point I buzzed for someone to come cover me so I could "go to the bathroom" - I didn't want the awkwardness of that conversation to occur xD was sorta flattered at the fact they thought I was born male though.
----------------
4 years ago, while pregnant and at the housing office for an appointment to get me on the list for a place to live. Bear in mind they don't offer like, private rooms, there's loads of people in there, you get called up and then just sit at a counter with an adviser right there in front of everyone.
The second I sat down...
Her: It says here you're "Mr <name>" but obviously that's wrong so lets get that changed! Is it Miss or Mrs?
Me: ....er no Mr is actually correct *explain being trans*
Her: hahahaha omg that's so weird! So I have to refer to you as he?
Me: ....yes please
Her: *starts typing up notes, occasionally giggling and shaking her head* ....oh it feels so weird to write down "He's pregnant"
Me: ....mhm
Her: Have you seen that show little britain? There's a man who comes in here sometimes dressed as a woman and I always think of that show. "I'm a lady!" *hysterical laughter*
I didn't really say anything, I was too shocked/embarrassed....this incident still makes me mad to this day, I should have said something, I should have filed a complaint, I should have asked to speak to a manager. I should have done....something.
--------------------
Around 2 years ago having a smoke waiting for a bus, some chick comes up to me
Her: Can I borrow a light?
Me: Sure
Her: Thanks, so do you go to <local high school>?
Me: Hah no I'm at <Local University>
Her: REALLY? You look so young
Me: Yeah I get that a lot!
Her: So....are you a lesbian?
Me: ....errr....no I'm a....gay man...
Her: You're a trans man aren't you?
Me: Yes actually *stunned at how abrupt yet knowledgeable she is*
Her: Oh that's cool, I'm a lesbian, was gonna ask you out....but never mind!
Then we just had a general chit chat, she asked how my transition was going, blah blah, then wished me good luck and went on her merry way.
I was at my job ringing up a child to put her on a ride and after I opened my mouth, she says "mommy that's a girl".
I have also have a couple of people "misgender" me and call me "sir".
Quote from: Jeatyn on September 26, 2014, 04:02:04 AM
...
Around 2 years ago having a smoke waiting for a bus, some chick comes up to me
Her: Can I borrow a light?
Me: Sure
Her: Thanks, so do you go to <local high school>?
Me: Hah no I'm at <Local University>
Her: REALLY? You look so young
Me: Yeah I get that a lot!
Her: So....are you a lesbian?
Me: ....errr....no I'm a....gay man...
Her: You're a trans man aren't you?
Me: Yes actually *stunned at how abrupt yet knowledgeable she is*
Her: Oh that's cool, I'm a lesbian, was gonna ask you out....but never mind!
Then we just had a general chit chat, she asked how my transition was going, blah blah, then wished me good luck and went on her merry way.
That is fantastic.
Most of my own stories are "is that a guy or a girl", but the one that gets me annoyed is one time I was zoning food and these two older ladies get to the end of the aisle.
One of them says, "what is that?"
I look around to see what she's talking about, thinking something gross is on the ground. Nope.
"I don't know, but it needs a hair cut to look somewhat presentable," comes out the other one's mouth.
I was flabbergasted and embarrassed. They grabbed their pasta and left. I hid in the bathroom for ten minutes.
Talk about rude!
All my life until male fail 6 years ago I used to get the: "Is that a boy or a girl" or "Is that a man or a woman" comments behind me in checkout and other lines if I was wearing male clothing. Many times I got from children: "girls shouldn't wear boys clothes" more often than I can remember.
Ally ;)
Quote from: devention on September 26, 2014, 07:37:25 AM
That is fantastic.
Most of my own stories are "is that a guy or a girl", but the one that gets me annoyed is one time I was zoning food and these two older ladies get to the end of the aisle.
One of them says, "what is that?"
I look around to see what she's talking about, thinking something gross is on the ground. Nope.
"I don't know, but it needs a hair cut to look somewhat presentable," comes out the other one's mouth.
I was flabbergasted and embarrassed. They grabbed their pasta and left. I hid in the bathroom for ten minutes.
Talk about rude!
Wow, not only were they rude, but slightly de-humanizing with their usage of "it" as a pronoun. I would've been so mad o.o
''Is IT a boy or is IT a girl?''
That one infuriates me, I'm not an it.
Or the typical homophobic / transphobic / rude ones shouted from across the street, don't know if that's relevant to the thread.
Best keep that out of here anyway.
This was posted on ->-bleeped-<-:
"You're not an ugly girl so just work on yourself and put some make up on if you want to get a guy. You don't have to do this just because you can't get a boyfriend."
Most ignorant comment I've ever read. I'm not transitioning to male because I can't get a date.
I get misgendered almost all the friggin' time.
I prefer getting asked if I'm a boy or a girl because at least then they aren't assuming I'm a woman.
One guy started telling me about how great and important women are. I'm not transitioning because I don't want to be a woman. I'm transitioning because I'm a man.
Quote from: Edge on September 27, 2014, 12:00:31 PM
I get misgendered almost all the friggin' time.
I prefer getting asked if I'm a boy or a girl because at least then they aren't assuming I'm a woman.
One guy started telling me about how great and important women are. I'm not transitioning because I don't want to be a woman. I'm transitioning because I'm a man.
Sounds like my aunt and grandmother. Both try telling me how great it is to grow up to become an independent young lady, how beautiful I'll be if I just showed it for once, how easy it could be for me to find a girlfriend (or boyfriend if I'm talking to my aunt).
When I went to Robinsdale to go to see her and the rest of the family, she and my granma asked me to talk to them in the living room after they noticed me talking to a girl. They then tried to convince me that a mans life is so hard and bad and that I should stay in my 'rightful place and body.' I got so mad I told them, if you wanna get mad at someone, get mad at my dad. His sperm screwed up and put my in the wrong body. Now can I please go before I get angry.
I hate it when they try telling me it's not good for me, its bad, or as my grandmother puts it which really hurt me, how I'll never really be considered a guy and I'm wasting my time.
Quote from: Marcellow on September 27, 2014, 11:22:36 AM
This was posted on ->-bleeped-<-:
"You're not an ugly girl so just work on yourself and put some make up on if you want to get a guy. You don't have to do this just because you can't get a boyfriend."
Most ignorant comment I've ever read. I'm not transitioning to male because I can't get a date.
Ugh. And yes, all women want men and if they do they should slap on some make-up. Because women all need a man and to look pleasing to them. I love when kids try and act they know everything.
I heard a few comments like this when I was first starting. They all thought I couldn't "get a date" despite knowing that I was happily married. I had a few lesbians tell me "well, if you just act a little more butch/femme you can get a girlfriend.
No thanks, I'm gay. I'm married to a gay guy. I don't think he'd like it if I put on some push-up bras and makeup.
"What are you doing in here luv, this is the gents!" This was before I started dressing full time and was just in jeans tee shirt and no makeup, I was smiling from ear to ear, I realised later he may have thought I was male and just being a prick cos I looked feemy but I didn't care! :)
One time I was on the school bus, and this dude sat in the seat across from me, and I guess his friend wanted to sit with him, because he said "Just sit with her." to which his friend said "Bro, that's a dude." They proceeded to argue over whether I ("it") was a boy or a girl for a while, when the one who believed I was a guy got the BRILLIANT idea to -gasp- ask me. I told him I was a guy, and the other kid (who I guess knew me before I came out) tried to argue with me about it. Then he asked, and I quote "Do you got a pee-pee?"
Everyone has a urethra, sir.
Woman on the tills: "That'll be £14. Can I interest you on getting a membership card?"
Me: "No thanks."
Her: "That's if you're old enough..."
Me: "Probably, but no thanks." (I'm 18)
Her: "I probably shouldn't ask people if they're old enough like that..."
Obviously kids at school can be jerks and purposely use the wrong name and pronouns, but other than that I've never really had a problem. Actually a bunch of people thought I was a guy before I even came out and was presenting as female. Back then it made me mad because I was vehemently trying to deny to myself and others that I was trans*, but now it makes me happy. I think the only awkward time I had was when I went into the women's restroom at a movie theatre with my sister shortly after I got my hair cut short for the first time (but I still wasn't out quite yet) and this woman had to do a double take and then stared at me the whole time she was washing her hands. I think she was stuck somewhere between "why is there a boy in the women's room?" and "that must be a lesbian.....right?"
Quote from: CaptainRossAlexander on September 27, 2014, 09:57:52 PM
"Do you got a pee-pee?"
I can't stop laughing! ;D Thanks for that. I almost woke up on the wrong side of the bed, but stupid questions always make up for it.
One time I work I had to use the bathroom. I needed a haircut since it was starting to get a bit long for how I normally have it cut. anyway this man walked in and he looks at me washing my hands, and looks back at the other bathroom and looks at me again and says
Uh, is this the womens room?
and I said "No, this is the mens room"
and he apologized to me and kept saying my hair is so long (when it was not long at all. It was pretty short, maybe a little bit past my ear)
I've always had short hair so pretty much went through my early life with most people who didn't know me thinking I was male. I loved it.
After puberty, once I had two massive things growing from my chest, it was a harder mistake for people to make. There were times, usually if people were behind me, eh bid hear them question what "it" was. There were also a couple of occasions where I heard groups of teen girls call me "he/she". No matter how much you try to ignore it, that's hurtful.
Other times have been funny though. I got to ask a question from the audience on a discussion programme once and the host described me as the young man..." My family assumed I'd be embarrassed when they heard it, but I wasn't. He was the one who'd got it right!
"That's a cool name. I've never met a girl named Victor before."
I hate teenagers the most of all humankind. They are the worst in my own experience.
Instead of using "it" why can't people use "they"...?
I once had teenagers/preteens a few campsites over mock me and harass me for using the bathroom and argue loudly (for my benefit) about what kind of monster I was for two days straight.
This summer a woman came up and said she knew my family (it's a small place), and insisted that I had a sister, and so on (I don't have a sister) - so that my options were to invent a sister, or to straight deny it which would confuse her and probably invoke an argument, or what, admit that it's me, the bearded dude? In front of ten other strangers crowded around? In the end I indecision-ed my way out of it with the sheer force of awkward silence. She broke in a matter of minutes, and left me alone. >:-)
That kind of thing happens a fair amount because of the size of the community and the fact that everyone in it knows my family. People I don't actually know often conclude that I am my little brother - which makes me uncomfortable because of the above described situation, but it's funny too because after they decide I must be him, they are enormously confused, on account of him being 6'2 and me being 5'7.
Quote from: Liam Erik on September 29, 2014, 02:56:58 PM
This summer a woman came up and said she knew my family (it's a small place), and insisted that I had a sister, and so on (I don't have a sister) - so that my options were to invent a sister, or to straight deny it which would confuse her and probably invoke an argument, or what, admit that it's me, the bearded dude? In front of ten other strangers crowded around? In the end I indecision-ed my way out of it with the sheer force of awkward silence. She broke in a matter of minutes, and left me alone. >:-)
This is very interesting!
"You don't need to transition. You are very pretty."
Now please STFU okay, I do not want to transition because I think I'm UGLY! Or hate women or whatnot, but because I am A MAN!
My mom (not actually a stranger, but whatevah): "You can be a boyish girl too, yknow. That is totally okay. You don't HAVE to become a guy!" Totally missing the point mom. I will not BECOME a guy, I AM a guy, and this guy does NOT appreciate his non-male body... it is simply something I cannot relate to, my brain is not wired to have a hole between my legs and fatty blubbers at my chest.
Quote from: Marcellow on September 27, 2014, 11:22:36 AM
This was posted on ->-bleeped-<-:
"You're not an ugly girl so just work on yourself and put some make up on if you want to get a guy. You don't have to do this just because you can't get a boyfriend."
Most ignorant comment I've ever read. I'm not transitioning to male because I can't get a date.
My God, people are so dumb.
Quote from: makipu on September 29, 2014, 09:29:44 AM
I hate teenagers the most of all humankind. They are the worst in my own experience.
Instead of using "it" why can't people use "they"...?
You would be suprised, In my experience there better than adults I think as long as you make it know that you are a guy most will eventually respect it all of my friends do in fact I had to be backed up by one of my dudes today because of ignorance. And if they weren't taught right then you can't blame them, After all thats what refer to baby's until they are born, but I see your point dude.
Quote from: Brandon on September 30, 2014, 09:17:50 PM
You would be suprised, In my experience there better than adults I think as long as you make it know that you are a guy most will eventually respect it all of my friends do in fact I had to be backed up by one of my dudes today because of ignorance. And if they weren't taught right then you can't blame them, After all thats what refer to baby's until they are born, but I see your point dude.
I think that generally that teenagers haven't developed the concern for other people, particularly strangers that adults have, or know what's acceptable to be said in public. That's not to say that all adults know better, but more than a fair few would probably use the singular they if they weren't sure. They realise that knowing the answer isn't that important, and isn't that amusing, whereas teenagers are at that point where they're still wanting to know the answer for everything like children, but don't want to admit there's something they don't know in front of their peers. So they pose the question in a way that they hope will make their peers laugh, and don't think about the person stood there in front of them.
The key word the being
person. We are not inanimate objects, we are not tables, or chairs, we are not even a fetus (which are mostly in my experience referred to in the singular they, or these days by the pronoun of their sex), and we need to be seen as that and not as an interesting commodity on this planet to amuse people.
You may have got lucky in your friends, obviously not all teenagers are like this (we know better for instance), but as a general attempt at summing up the population that's my guess on how things go.
I think it can go both ways with teenagers-adults. teenagers don't have the same (generally) maturity and sometimes tend to speak before they think. I also think in teenagers it's often the peerpressure that gets to them, get a teen alone and you will get a lot more respect then when they have to prove themselves in front of their peers. That said I also think that teenagers stand up more for their friends (Like with Brandon) and are willing to be very openminded for them. I also have the experience that they're not as stuck in their ways and their opinions as adults can sometimes be.
I got told not to use my sisters trainticket (it's for a year) today... Had to get out my ID to prove it was me, even when the picture on the card for the train looks exactly like me it's just the name. And then he kept staring at me... Dude, look away, I'm not that interesting :p
"If you're a man (or to be PC, want to be one)..."
*facepalm*
Like many others, if I never hear "Can I help you sir...ma'am...er..." it will be too soon.
Similarly, I cannot comprehend why servers must chirp "ladies" at me and my cisfemale companions. I swear that they do it more than they do it to groups of ciswomen for some reason.
Before figuring things out and really cultivating a masculine look, I had several older male strangers make comments on how they used to wear their hair shoulder length or shaggy like I was at the time (lol)
The occasional time I'm not gendered correctly I usually am referred to as a singular "they". Who knew Florida and Texas were so progressive?
Quote from: amd on October 05, 2014, 05:49:03 PM
Like many others, if I never hear "Can I help you sir...ma'am...er..." it will be too soon.
Similarly, I cannot comprehend why servers must chirp "ladies" at me and my cisfemale companions. I swear that they do it more than they do it to groups of ciswomen for some reason.
Me and my cis-male partner get referred to as "ladies" when we're together hilariously often. He does have a pony tail....but also a big ol' beard and dresses nowhere near feminine most of the time.
This happened to day and actually made me angry at the rudeness of the situation.
I was turning in a job application and before I did noticed a women having issues holding her basket up. I walked over, asked if I could help her, and she immediately snapped at me saying, "get the h___ away from me! Do I look like I need your help?"
I was obviously taken back and my friend who was cashier couldn't do anything but stare, jaw-dropped, at this lady. I politely, let me say it was an effort, told her, "I'm sorry ma'am, looked like you did to me." I have a naturally softer voice however, so it was one of those moments where I was speaking softer than intended for the moment. She rudely yells at me, "Speak louder! For christs sake, I never met a boy as quiet as you!" Squints eyes, "Are you a flamer?" I only know what "flamer" meant bc my granma. I responded, losing my temper but maintaining some sense, with "No. I'm not. And I'm not a boy ma'am, I'm a female."
She looks at me, shifts her stuff from one arm to the other as though I'm gonna rob her, and says to get my queer ass away from her before she calls security for harassment! I said, "okay" as calmly as I could, backed up a few steps, walked away to calm myself, and came back to a shocked friend. She praised me for maintaining myself but I swear the only reason I didn't strike her was because she was an older women and as I was raised, I would never out my hands on an older female. No women in general, but she's older and looked to be in her 40s.
I swear though, she was SO rude. And according to my friend, she asked her why ->-bleeped-<-gots were allowed in the store! My friend told me she told her she can't answer that and the lady left but seriously??? Stereotype or not, that was incredibly rude and almost made me lose my bearing.
Quote from: LatrellHK on October 08, 2014, 10:09:55 PM
This happened to day and actually made me angry at the rudeness of the situation.
I was turning in a job application and before I did noticed a women having issues holding her basket up. I walked over, asked if I could help her, and she immediately snapped at me saying, "get the h___ away from me! Do I look like I need your help?"
I was obviously taken back and my friend who was cashier couldn't do anything but stare, jaw-dropped, at this lady. I politely, let me say it was an effort, told her, "I'm sorry ma'am, looked like you did to me." I have a naturally softer voice however, so it was one of those moments where I was speaking softer than intended for the moment. She rudely yells at me, "Speak louder! For christs sake, I never met a boy as quiet as you!" Squints eyes, "Are you a flamer?" I only know what "flamer" meant bc my granma. I responded, losing my temper but maintaining some sense, with "No. I'm not. And I'm not a boy ma'am, I'm a female."
She looks at me, shifts her stuff from one arm to the other as though I'm gonna rob her, and says to get my queer ass away from her before she calls security for harassment! I said, "okay" as calmly as I could, backed up a few steps, walked away to calm myself, and came back to a shocked friend. She praised me for maintaining myself but I swear the only reason I didn't strike her was because she was an older women and as I was raised, I would never out my hands on an older female. No women in general, but she's older and looked to be in her 40s.
I swear though, she was SO rude. And according to my friend, she asked her why ->-bleeped-<-gots were allowed in the store! My friend told me she told her she can't answer that and the lady left but seriously??? Stereotype or not, that was incredibly rude and almost made me lose my bearing.
At my work place, private non corporate, I was told from the day I was hired that I could throw out any customer that was rude to me or my fellow coworkers. If I felt I was in danger to immediately call the police. I have used this power 3 times so far. If someone has a problem with it, my bosses would proudly stand behind our decisions. I am lucky. My bosses provide a safe place for me to work. I am out to them and they respect people and expect others to do the same in our establishment.