I'm so happy right now, but I feel like I'm going to burst into tears any moment. I'm so filled with emotions right now.
For those who don't know, I actually told my parents two years ago but we sort of dropped it and never talked about it again. Well, my mom's intuition hit this week and tonight she came to me as I was going to my room to ask if anything was bothering me. I tried to play it off like I was fine. She kept bugging me and eventually brought up what I told her two years ago about being transgender. So I told her everything. I told her about the therapy, I told her about the support groups, and I told her I'm planning on starting HRT soon... And she was supportive.
She just wants me to be happy. She said she would never kick me out of her house. She told me she loves me no matter what. I'm so filled with joy, but I feel like I'm about to break down crying. The one person I wanted on my team supports me... S*** I'm crying now. Lol
Anyway, I thought I'd share. This is probably the biggest breakthrough so far for me. I'm not on hormones yet and I still have so much more to go through, but it's good to know that not every trans story is filled with turmoil and despair.
Gaaahhhh Did I mention I'm really happy? Too bad I'm going to be crying all weekend now. Haha
I'm so happy for you!!
Its so nice to have someone so close to you be accepting
its so exciting!
hugs
That's so awesome, I had a similar experience about a week ago. It's wonderful when things work out. Good luck :)
Congrats Abby! Just be prepared for the off chance when changes start to occur in your body that it might hit her as real then. Hearing it is one thing, but actually seeing it is another. Just realize this will be a long journey where anything is possible. For tonight though, celebrate and revel in the acceptance!!! :eusa_clap: :eusa_dance: :icon_caffine: :icon_joy: :icon_dance: :icon_geekdance: :icon_pelvic_thrust2: :icon_yes: :icon_woowoo: :icon_clap:
That's got to be a huge relief! What a great first step
Great news, it's always wonderful to have a supportive family member. :D
Awesome, cherish the moment and feeling, frame it in your mind and make it your happy place :)
That is awesome. Now everything can only get better. Good luck with hormones.
That's wonderful hun.
xx
Just a small update... I thought things were cool, but probably not. I think my mom is bugging my dad to have a "talk" with me (basically, do everything to convince me I'm just confused). She looks like she hasn't slept and cried all day. sigh... Life's a pain.
Not so wonderful :(
People of the older generation tend to put a lot of weight on the opinions of those in a perceived position of authority, for example, my dad had trouble believing me until I told him that several doctors and psychiatrists had confirmed the diagnosis and were recommending my transition as the correct course of treatment.
xx
Quote from: Abby Claire on September 27, 2014, 06:25:41 PM
Just a small update... I thought things were cool, but probably not. I think my mom is bugging my dad to have a "talk" with me (basically, do everything to convince me I'm just confused). She looks like she hasn't slept and cried all day. sigh... Life's a pain.
Oh no. That is horrible. That is what happened to me when I came out. And then my parents then forgot about it and pretended it never happened. I hate when they act like you are hurting them and that is the worst thing in the world. you'll be able to get through this. Hopefully it will get better.
I told my mom she can come with me to my therapist. Unfortunately, I don't know if she's totally on board. There isn't anything they can say or do that will stop me from being happy though. She said she won't kick me out, but I'm wondering if I have to leave to make sure I won't live with constant tension.
The way I read your OP you didn't talk about it for 2 years? Maybe your parents just need time to get used to the idea again, they may have convinced themselves it was just a phase if you went quiet about it?
Quote from: Alice Rogers on September 27, 2014, 06:44:11 PM
The way I read your OP you didn't talk about it for 2 years? Maybe your parents just need time to get used to the idea again, they may have convinced themselves it was just a phase if you went quiet about it?
My dad did, but my mom didn't. She was the one that brought it up last night.
I took my mum out for the day dressed completely en-femme, we went for coffee, ate out and talked like a mother and daughter should. It reconnected me with my mum to a degree I hadn't felt since I was a child.
Show her that son or daughter doesn't matter, parent and child is what matters.
Quote from: Alice Rogers on September 27, 2014, 06:50:49 PM
I took my mum out for the day dressed completely en-femme, we went for coffee, ate out and talked like a mother and daughter should. It reconnected me with my mum to a degree I hadn't felt since I was a child.
Show her that son or daughter doesn't matter, parent and child is what matters.
I don't think that's happening, and even so, I doubt my mom would go out in public with me like that. It's great how the mood can swing from enthusiasm to utter despair. I'm not going to, but this is seriously the kind of stuff that makes me want to kill myself. Oh what a life it is to be trans.
Is moving out an option for you hun?
Quote from: Alice Rogers on September 27, 2014, 07:00:31 PM
Is moving out an option for you hun?
I'd have to sell a lot of unneeded stuff, get some dirt cheap place to live, and then stop my transition. And honestly, I'd rather die than stop.
Living with tension is better than not living at all, just keep your eyes on the goal hun, your parents will come around or they won't, your transition can and will happen if you pursue it, and that will make you happier I hope!
Sorry I can't be more help.
xx
Quote from: Alice Rogers on September 27, 2014, 07:13:05 PM
Living with tension is better than not living at all, just keep your eyes on the goal hun, your parents will come around or they won't, your transition can and will happen if you pursue it, and that will make you happier I hope!
Sorry I can't be more help.
xx
I really just needed to vent and talk to someone. I'm just feeling kind low.
That I can help with, vent away!
God... This story keeps going all over the place that I can't take it anymore. It turns out when I overheard my parents arguing and my mom wanting my dad to "talk to him" they were actually arguing about selling a house and not me at all. I feel stupid now. Lol
All that worry over nothing then? Lets hope so!
Forget feeling stupid, feel relieved instead, its much nicer!
xx
Quote from: Abby Claire on September 27, 2014, 07:34:52 PM
God... This story keeps going all over the place that I can't take it anymore. It turns out when I overheard my parents arguing and my mom wanting my dad to "talk to him" they were actually arguing about selling a house and not me at all. I feel stupid now. Lol
I agree with Alice. Forget feeling stupid and feel relieved your Mom is on board. I'd have given anything to have my adopted Mom on board with my transition. So be thankful and happy you won't be facing this journey alone. :D
Ally :icon_flower:
yaaay congrats :)
wishing you all the best
Quote from: Allyda on September 28, 2014, 08:05:57 PM
I agree with Alice. Forget feeling stupid and feel relieved your Mom is on board. I'd have given anything to have my adopted Mom on board with my transition. So be thankful and happy you won't be facing this journey alone. :D
Ally :icon_flower:
Welllll... Once again the story takes ANOTHER turn! Lol
After I went to bed my mom came to my room and talked to me. She asked me if, maybe, I can put this on hold until she takes care of other stuff in her life because she can't deal with all this going on. I told her no. I said I can't live my life for her, and she said nobody has to live their life for her (almost making me feel guilty). So she's NOT totally on board. I think, however, she recognizes the inevitability and is simply coming to terms with that. I hope she just remembers what I told her the other night and that I hope to come out of this a better and happier person and that she is happier as well. We'll see if that's what happens.
Quote from: Abby Claire on September 28, 2014, 10:00:11 PM
Welllll... Once again the story takes ANOTHER turn! Lol
After I went to bed my mom came to my room and talked to me. She asked me if, maybe, I can put this on hold until she takes care of other stuff in her life because she can't deal with all this going on. I told her no. I said I can't live my life for her, and she said nobody has to live their life for her (almost making me feel guilty). So she's NOT totally on board. I think, however, she recognizes the inevitability and is simply coming to terms with that. I hope she just remembers what I told her the other night and that I hope to come out of this a better and happier person and that she is happier as well. We'll see if that's what happens.
So sorry to hear this^^___^^. Well, you could look at it this way, She's not throwing you out or issuing you ultimatums, and does realize your transition is going to happen. That's still a lot better than alot of us had it. Stay the course hun. She'll eventually come around. :)
Ally ;)
Quote from: Allyda on September 29, 2014, 05:14:38 PM
So sorry to hear this^^___^^. Well, you could look at it this way, She's not throwing you out or issuing you ultimatums, and does realize your transition is going to happen. That's still a lot better than alot of us had it. Stay the course hun. She'll eventually come around. :)
Ally ;)
Oh joy. It gets even better! Just now, I got to hear my dad arguing with my mom about how, "I should be on my own" and "I don't get why he would want to make his life harder than it already is". Lol It's not funny, but the absurdity makes me laugh. As if I chose this life and to be this way. I'm starting to feel that moving out is basically a matter of time. I seriously don't think I'm going to have a choice here. Sigh... A life of poverty and potential transition and happiness or a life of moderate comfort and depression? What a lovely choice!
Can you find a way to make them see that this isn't a choice, it is an imperative for you.
It amazes me how many people think I am choosing to transition, they do not realise that for the sake of my own mental well being I had no choice.
Stopping my transition would be like standing on the shore and ordering the tide not to come in!
I wish it was that simple. My dad isnt the easiest person to talk to and if I got someone with knowledge or a professional to talk to them, they likely wouldn't listen or go to any meeting with them.
Quote from: Abby Claire on September 29, 2014, 08:09:17 PM
I wish it was that simple. My dad isnt the easiest person to talk to and if I got someone with knowledge or a professional to talk to them, they likely wouldn't listen or go to any meeting with them.
I know that feeling all too well^^___^^. My adopted father took me to Doctor after Doctor to find out as he put it, why I looked and acted so girly. And he was told time and time again that I'm a girl who's intersexed. But because he didn't get the answers he wanted he'd just argue with them stating that "I just need to toughen up, build some muscles," etc, etc., despite the fact they told him I prolly wouldn't be able to build any significant upper body muscle. He was bull headed, and wouldn't listen so I was forced to try and be a boy anyway.
So I understand a lil bit about bull headed fathers impossible to talk to. Hopefully hun, yours isn't as bad as mine was. Hang in there hun. Maybe getting a job and moving out is the right thing to do for you. In any case a therapist would be a good idea if you don't already have one.
Ally ;)
Quote from: Allyda on September 30, 2014, 12:10:54 AM
I know that feeling all too well^^___^^. My adopted father took me to Doctor after Doctor to find out as he put it, why I looked and acted so girly. And he was told time and time again that I'm a girl who's intersexed. But because he didn't get the answers he wanted he'd just argue with them stating that "I just need to toughen up, build some muscles," etc, etc., despite the fact they told him I prolly wouldn't be able to build any significant upper body muscle. He was bull headed, and wouldn't listen so I was forced to try and be a boy anyway.
So I understand a lil bit about bull headed fathers impossible to talk to. Hopefully hun, yours isn't as bad as mine was. Hang in there hun. Maybe getting a job and moving out is the right thing to do for you. In any case a therapist would be a good idea if you don't already have one.
Ally ;)
I have a therapist and it's gone great. She sent out my letters today in fact.
The thing with my dad is that he isn't hateful against trans people or minorities (though he does crack many insensitive jokes). My dad is smart, but he refuses to "get" it. I remember a couple years ago when I had my talk with my parents. My dad told me I had to be able to support myself and "know the real world" and things like that. I asked him if it would be right to ask a gay kid in high school to just not be gay and hide it, because the hypothetical kid would be in no situation to support himself yet and hasn't entered "the real world" yet.
My dad threw up his arms, said he just didn't get it, and walked out. He's not stupid, but he seems to think I'm just choosing this or that I'm confused. I have no idea how to convince him otherwise.
Quote from: Abby Claire on September 30, 2014, 12:22:46 AM
I have a therapist and it's gone great. She sent out my letters today in fact.
Good to hear this^^___^^.
He's not stupid, but he seems to think I'm just choosing this or that I'm confused. I have no idea how to convince him otherwise.
Um, Yea^^___^^, too many think the same thing; that transition is something we choose to do, or something we want to do. They don't realize transition is something we have or need to do. In my case it was transition, or die, so I'm in transition. The dysphoria never goes away. Over time it just gets worse and in cases such as mine can lead you to an awful dark place where you feel cornered, or like a deer in the headlights. Sadly many of our brothers and sisters never make it back from this place. I luckily thanks to quick thinking by a few neighbors, and what I like to think of as an 'act of god' did get back, twice.
Maybe it's time you tell your dad about our brothers and sisters who don't make it back, and how serious your dysphoria can become as time passes. Your therapist can back you up with statistics. I realize this is extreme I know. But it may take a hard dose of reality to make your dad take you seriously.
Ally :icon_flower:
Just another update: My mom told me she thought about putting my pictures away because they make her sad, but she didn't because she thought I would be mad.
Now I'm sitting here crying my eyes out.
Personally I think at this point your mom is using emotional blackmail, why would it make her sad to watch pictures of you and why on earth would she tell you this unless to serve he own agenda.
I think you can either play her game but do it better or call her on her bluff.
Three options that I would consider in your situation:
1. Tell her that you would be happy if she would put the photos away because they remind you of who you were and you would rather not be reminded.
2. Ask her if she considers you dead because that's the only case that comes to mind where seeing a picture of ones child makes one sad.
3. Flat out ask her to stop trying to manipulate you and be honest.
Quote from: Abby Claire on September 30, 2014, 04:35:17 PM
Just another update: My mom told me she thought about putting my pictures away because they make her sad, but she didn't because she thought I would be mad.
Now I'm sitting here crying my eyes out.
I don't think it was an attempt to manipulate me. She's already come to grips with the fact that this is happening, but it still saddens her a lot. I don't think she was trying to play games, and I am not about to start games myself. I think she's just confused and knows I'm going through a lot, and seeing my pictures probably makes her think about the problems she doesn't want to focus on right now. She came and talked to me as I was crying and we talked it out a bit. She knows I have to do this. I don't think she wants me to, but she knows it is the best thing for me to do. It was a pretty good talk because she saw me balling. At least she is aware it's not an off the cuff decision and that it really is a struggle I have to deal with.
If that's the case I'm really happy for you, I still find it a very strange thing to tell ones child but perhaps that is just me.
Quote from: Abby Claire on September 30, 2014, 06:27:47 PM
I don't think it was an attempt to manipulate me. She's already come to grips with the fact that this is happening, but it still saddens her a lot. I don't think she was trying to play games, and I am not about to start games myself. I think she's just confused and knows I'm going through a lot, and seeing my pictures probably makes her think about the problems she doesn't want to focus on right now. She came and talked to me as I was crying and we talked it out a bit. She knows I have to do this. I don't think she wants me to, but she knows it is the best thing for me to do. It was a pretty good talk because she saw me balling. At least she is aware it's not an off the cuff decision and that it really is a struggle I have to deal with.
Quote from: antonia on September 30, 2014, 06:32:44 PM
If that's the case I'm really happy for you, I still find it a very strange thing to tell ones child but perhaps that is just me.
Don't be happy yet! lol Because it's only been 4 days and it's been up and down all over the place since my mom found out. She knows I was upset about the picture thing, but she's similar to me in that she's just honest about her emotions. I can't fault her for saying something honestly that may hurt my feelings when I'm doing the same to her.
Sorry to hear about all of this, Abby Claire! I grew up in the '50's and I couldn't dare tell my parents about such a thing. In those days they would disown you forever! These days things seem to be better. Mostly, from what others have said, the mother is the more understanding one, but the father was terrible about it. I wish you the best on your mother supporting you in this matter and hopefully your father, too. I know that it takes time.
I do not believe any games are being played, nor any emotional blackmail. She will need time to come to terms. We all forget that just because we have had years, sometimes decades to try to deal with this issue, our love ones are just starting. I believe the picture thing is a form of letting go. She can not hang on to a son if she's to welcome a daughter. Just my 2cents.
Good luck, and try to be patient with her.
Morning Abbie,
Just a little side note here, given the fact that all this kicked off just a few days ago it sounds to me like your parents are actually making faster progress than most down this path!
I told my parents 18 months ago and I still get similar behaviour from my dad that you do!
As for the picture thing with your mum, just remind her gently that you will always be and HAVE always been the same person, you are simply expressing yourself openly now, tell her you want the pictures to stay (unless you really can'd abide them) and try and trick her into a big hug!
Alice
xx
Just gonna update this since I'm now on HRT. My mom has been fully supportive and open about my transition. She asks me questions about what I'm going to do and makes sure I'm taking my meds properly. She doesn't act upset, and instead seems happy more often (even if she's not, around me she's much more positive). This is a complete contrast to just last month. It's made everything so much smoother for me when I could be a nervous wreck since I have no reason to hide now.
Wonderful, every last bit of support is good and having your mum supporting you is the most important one in my opinion.
*hugs*
Alice
xx