So today I went to the leasing office to tell the manager that I'm trans and wish to be called buy female name and pronouns and such. Also told him I'm planning to change my name in the near future. He said he didn't have a problem with it but because we are getting a new manager I'll have to retell this again but he said he'd like to talk more on it but because of time constraints he couldn't do it today. I gave him my number so he could call me tomorrow to work out a time to meet him.
I'm worried, what if I get kicked out? Is there anyone besides a lawyer that I can go to about discrimination if I get kicked out? Wht if they don't use the right pronouns and name even if they let me stay?
Does anyone have any advice and have you been through this? What should I expect?
Sweetie if he did not have a problem with it I am sure you will be OK. Just expect a few slip ups here and then and know it will be an adjustment for them as well. Relax a little and see how it goes with the new manager before you panic, ok? :)
I wouldn't worry. It sounds like things went very well, and you have no reason to think the next manager will be any different. I had some second thoughts after telling my co-workers, but the worries were all in my head. Try to be patient with the old manager and the new one. Sometimes, I feel like an ambassador of the trans community to my friends and family. I'm the only connection they have to it, and even though I may be nervous, I try to remember that their curiosity isn't judgment.
panic is normal. the sky usually doesn't come crashing down on your head anyway.
sounds like you're good at least until the new manager comes.
a talk with the current one, could be helpful for dealing with the new one if that becomes necessary.
As long as you pay your rent on time, don't throw loud parties, don't trash the apartment and just an all around nightmare tenant, I'm pretty sure you will be OK. I mean with some tenants that are out there a lot of landlords would rather have a quite transgender person that don't trash the apartment and pays their rent. I wouldn't worry too much about it. The new manager will probably be pretty much like the old one.
I'm not panicking but I am worried. He said he'd call me so we can meet again and finish our discussion but he never did. When I called the office the lady said he'd call me before the end of the day. 1 day later, still no call. And knowing the below worries me more.
Quote from: Jess42 on October 17, 2014, 08:22:03 AM
As long as you pay your rent on time, don't throw loud parties, don't trash the apartment and just an all around nightmare tenant, I'm pretty sure you will be OK. I mean with some tenants that are out there a lot of landlords would rather have a quite transgender person that don't trash the apartment and pays their rent. I wouldn't worry too much about it. The new manager will probably be pretty much like the old one.
I've heard we face discrimination even for apartments and let's be honest here. You could be the BEST resident ever, no lease violations and keep to yourself (No noise/party etc.) and they could STILL lie and say you broke a lease violation and serve you an eviction notice. I know we have places like the EEOC for work but who do we have besides lawyers for apartment discrimination?
Quote from: Shana-chan on October 18, 2014, 09:28:51 PM
I've heard we face discrimination even for apartments and let's be honest here. You could be the BEST resident ever, no lease violations and keep to yourself (No noise/party etc.) and they could STILL lie and say you broke a lease violation and serve you an eviction notice. I know we have places like the EEOC for work but who do we have besides lawyers for apartment discrimination?
No one. I won't lie. The hard truth? It all comes down to knowing the law and being able to back up what you know. Learn Shana. Learn your local state's laws about discrimination and housing. Then when you learn you can threaten to pursue it in court. I seriously doubt that it comes to that because like I said if it is a corporation that owns the building or a lot of other buildings then they know the laws. Like I said, the old one will probably be more like the new one. I personally don't think you have too much to worry about. But still learn your city and states laws on sexual, racial and gender discrimination and then you will have your own legs to stand on.
Just learn Shana. Then you are empowered and you can call the shots. And then if you can quote the laws, well let's just say, not too many people can do that. The more you know hon, the more you sill seem legit in your argument. But seriously though, I really don't think you have much to worry about. Chances are if you are in a big city then the ex manager's attitude is probably gonna' be the same as the new building manager's attitude.
Quote from: Shana-chan on October 18, 2014, 09:28:51 PM
I'm not panicking but I am worried. He said he'd call me so we can meet again and finish our discussion but he never did. When I called the office the lady said he'd call me before the end of the day. 1 day later, still no call. And knowing the below worries me more.
I've heard we face discrimination even for apartments and let's be honest here. You could be the BEST resident ever, no lease violations and keep to yourself (No noise/party etc.) and they could STILL lie and say you broke a lease violation and serve you an eviction notice. I know we have places like the EEOC for work but who do we have besides lawyers for apartment discrimination?
Just like some have posted, you just need to know the laws. Not sure if you're from the united states or not, but here in the USA it would be a definite no no for them to discriminate based on any thing gender. And I believe recently they added sexual orientation to the list of equal opportunity for both work place and housing. They would have to show and prove to the judge, after you've filed your discrimination law-suite, that you were kicked out for lease violations.
On another note, they may welcome the fact and support it so others cannot say they discriminate.
I'm mad, hurt and feel like crying! The manager finally called and told me he can't do what I'm asking him to do in terms of having everyone there call me by the name I wish to be called, and pronouns I wish to be called until I get the documents legally changed. He went a step further and was spouting crap about how otherwise it'd be unfair and too difficult to relay all this to everyone and that I'd basically be lying and that it breaks the law. I argued back saying I know the law, I've dealt with this at work and proceeded to use my female voice. He said he'd call someone higher up than him (As he's actually part of corporate) to get the answers and whatever they say is what they'd go with.
I need a hug, advice and info on who to go too if they choose to make my life difficult and not be respectful to me. :'( I also wonder if taking this to court is such a good idea? I mean, would I possibly get kicked out? Would I have to pay for the attorney? *Sigh* :(
Hugs, I hope things get better for you
Why not go to court and change your name if that is the issue? Most documents don't even require surgery to change them for gender.
Quote from: Shana-chan on October 21, 2014, 12:47:16 PM
I'm mad, hurt and feel like crying! The manager finally called and told me he can't do what I'm asking him to do in terms of having everyone there call me by the name I wish to be called, and pronouns I wish to be called until I get the documents legally changed. He went a step further and was spouting crap about how otherwise it'd be unfair and too difficult to relay all this to everyone and that I'd basically be lying and that it breaks the law. I argued back saying I know the law, I've dealt with this at work and proceeded to use my female voice. He said he'd call someone higher up than him (As he's actually part of corporate) to get the answers and whatever they say is what they'd go with.
I need a hug, advice and info on who to go too if they choose to make my life difficult and not be respectful to me. :'( I also wonder if taking this to court is such a good idea? I mean, would I possibly get kicked out? Would I have to pay for the attorney? *Sigh* :(
You can contact the EEOC for help should there be a harassment issue. *hugs*
Thanks for the hugs everyone! I'm feeling better except, been mad throughout the day. I'm in one of those moods where I just want to bite someone's head off which in turn has made me further realize something else that I hate. :( Update to come later on that...
Quote from: Rainbow Brite on October 21, 2014, 08:49:07 PM
You can contact the EEOC for help should there be a harassment issue. *hugs*
Isn't the EEOC just for work? This is regarding apartments.
Quote from: LordKAT on October 21, 2014, 01:40:41 PM
Why not go to court and change your name if that is the issue? Most documents don't even require surgery to change them for gender.
Because of various reasons which I'll list but also, (Hem, I think you edited your original post) because when it comes to the important documents such as birth certificate, license etc. most places
require you to have a sex change which is just so freaking stupid and *Starts biting people's heads off* Grrr >:( *Ahem* Anyway, as for the name change, here is why I can't get it done right now.
1. Been to various doctors/hospitals and used my insurance thus if a name change happens it could come back on me and cause me more trouble than it's worth.
2. Atm due to something I am waiting for to happen from the Gov., I can't get it done just yet, agai, too much hassle and could have consequences if I don't wait it out.
3. Due to being out of work and getting less pay for so long, I am low on funds to do this with, will be back at work full time in a month from now from what I was told however, there is no guarantee I'll get the hours I need.
4. I have no idea what court to go to, where it's at or any info for how I do this and what I need to do this. If I at least had the name of the court I'm supposed to go to then I could look the phone # up, call them and get the rest of the ifo from them, but, I don't even know the name of the court, does anyone know?
And last but not least, you shouldn't
HAVE to get a name change or even the sex/gender on your ids and such changed for people to simply do the
right thing and call you by the name you go by and the right pronouns too! The
ONLY REASON why we have "legal documents" saying what sex/gender/DOB/name etc. you are/have is because it not only helps the Gov. keep track of you (In terms of you're alive, you exist etc.) and because it helps keep crime to a minimum vs. God only knows how bad it'd be if we didn't have such a system. (Albeit it's a broken system that seriously needs major corrections!) Before the whole legal system existed there were no legal documents and such to say who you were and what you were called. Hell, you could have changed your name and not been bothered about it except from those who know you. So I see no reason why ANYONE especially when it involves work, apartments and other business type stuff can't call you by the right name and pronouns you go by simply to be respectful to you! Sure it's another story for the legal documents having to stay the same till you get them changed which is fine got no problem with that but the guy trying to tell me it's not fair, too much hassle, you can't expect what I'm asking him to simply tell his staff to call me to happen? Nope, not goig to fly with me! That's BS! Sorry, rant over. *Sigh*
How much do you have to do with the leasing office anyway? I rarely interacted with mine when I was renting.
Quote from: Shana-chan on October 21, 2014, 12:47:16 PM
I need a hug, advice and info on who to go too if they choose to make my life difficult and not be respectful to me. :'( I also wonder if taking this to court is such a good idea? I mean, would I possibly get kicked out? Would I have to pay for the attorney? *Sigh* :(
Take them to court for what? You have an apartment. They aren't discriminating against renting you one if you already have one.
If they refuse to extend your lease, you might have a case about discrimination, but you'll need to prove it's because you are transgender. Then again, transgender isn't a protected class in most locations.
If, eventually, you want to sue for harassment, you'll need proof too. http://canisueforthat.com/can-i-sue-my-neighbour-for-harassment/
Who do you go to about housing discrimination? The local housing authority.
And again, just how often do you deal with these people that you want to make it an issue?
I send my landlord a check once a month and they leave me alone.
As others have said, how much are you interacting with the leasing office anyway?
I've lived in several different complexes and my interactions with the staff are always infrequent and due to random anomalies like getting locked out, or having a mistake on my bill. The only thing I can think of that would have made me want to tell them about being trans is the use of shared spaces like the gym and pool, both of which have gendered changing areas and restrooms.
Quote from: Shana-chan on October 21, 2014, 11:11:28 PM
Because of various reasons which I'll list but also, (Hem, I think you edited your original post) because when it comes to the important documents such as birth certificate, license etc. most places require you to have a sex change which is just so freaking stupid and *Starts biting people's heads off* Grrr >:( *Ahem* Anyway, as for the name change, here is why I can't get it done right now.
1. Been to various doctors/hospitals and used my insurance thus if a name change happens it could come back on me and cause me more trouble than it's worth.
2. Atm due to something I am waiting for to happen from the Gov., I can't get it done just yet, agai, too much hassle and could have consequences if I don't wait it out.
3. Due to being out of work and getting less pay for so long, I am low on funds to do this with, will be back at work full time in a month from now from what I was told however, there is no guarantee I'll get the hours I need.
4. I have no idea what court to go to, where it's at or any info for how I do this and what I need to do this. If I at least had the name of the court I'm supposed to go to then I could look the phone # up, call them and get the rest of the ifo from them, but, I don't even know the name of the court, does anyone know?
And last but not least, you shouldn't HAVE to get a name change or even the sex/gender on your ids and such changed for people to simply do the right thing and call you by the name you go by and the right pronouns too! The ONLY REASON why we have "legal documents" saying what sex/gender/DOB/name etc. you are/have is because it not only helps the Gov. keep track of you (In terms of you're alive, you exist etc.) and because it helps keep crime to a minimum vs. God only knows how bad it'd be if we didn't have such a system. (Albeit it's a broken system that seriously needs major corrections!) Before the whole legal system existed there were no legal documents and such to say who you were and what you were called. Hell, you could have changed your name and not been bothered about it except from those who know you. So I see no reason why ANYONE especially when it involves work, apartments and other business type stuff can't call you by the right name and pronouns you go by simply to be respectful to you! Sure it's another story for the legal documents having to stay the same till you get them changed which is fine got no problem with that but the guy trying to tell me it's not fair, too much hassle, you can't expect what I'm asking him to simply tell his staff to call me to happen? Nope, not goig to fly with me! That's BS! Sorry, rant over. *Sigh*
That was then, this is now. It might be stupid and unfair, but these are the times we live in.
From experience, you don't have much recourse until you get some updated documentation. Honestly, I would not worry about this until you can actually fully commit to the new name. get the documentation you need so you have a strong foundation to build your new life upon. It's not like this guy is your boss. You barely have to interact with him. So don't lose sleep over it.
i'm not sure the manager has any obligation to tell other tenants to use a different name or pronouns when talking about you.
being allowed to stay as long as you pay the rent and behave well, is as far as it goes.
i know a funny story about problems finding a place to stay.
there was a married gay couple who were looking for a place to live in tromsø, northernmost big city in norway.
you'd usually expect gay people to be discriminated against a whole lot, or at least half the time, but no matter where they went, they were welcomed with open arms (or would it be doors).
well, at least until they were asked where they worked. one worked at the university. that was a good job, and they thought it sounded really interesting.
and the other one worked for the saami parliament in norway. doors were shut in their face as soon as that was mentioned.
i'm currently wondering which one would most easily get housing in that city, a trans woman or someone who is unlucky enough to have gotten a well paid job at the saami parliament. might well be that the trans woman is easier to accept.
just telling because i think anyone who can find housing at all is really lucky.
being called the wrong pronouns and name is still better than being thrown out because of poorly hidden racism.
Ok, two sad things to report.
1. The manager left, was replaced by someone else, no WONDER it didn't matter to him. Further more, he never bothered to call me back and it's been a week now. Doubt I'll hear back from him anyway given everything. This means I'll try my luck again with the new manager but, will wait a while I guess, or not... I don't know...
2. In regards to the posts here and especially posts/comments like this one
Quote from: Taka on October 24, 2014, 04:25:08 AM
i'm not sure the manager has any obligation to tell other tenants to use a different name or pronouns when talking about you.
being allowed to stay as long as you pay the rent and behave well, is as far as it goes.
I have to say the following,
For one, it is disrespectful to someone to call them something they don't wish to be called, no matter what it is and it's also not professional at all or good for business to do that. For another, yes I interact with them very little but, I am nearly full time here and I HATE having to be in "male mode" once a month or when on the phone with them just to pay rent, get stuff done etc. And lastly, if I didn't do this and it didn't matter (As in, to them and they didn't do it) then what was the freaking point in me coming out to them and RISK LOSING MY HOUSE!?
The fact here is, if anyone is going to say to me crap like that (That they get to disrespect me & such) then you better keep it to yourself! It pisses me off to hear people like me who get and know how I feel basically not giving a rat's ass about it and "giving in" to the ways of society and letting them drag you down. You want to stay dragged down, FINE! But don't drag me down that path with you, or others either! >:(
I do feel, perhaps a sorry is in order here? Not sure, I do know, my raging male hormones which have been changing for the worse are making it very difficult to keep my temper in check, so, sorry for that but, insert some nicer way of saying the above here I guess because at this point, I can't think of a nicer way to put it. ^_^'
I'd definitely wait a while, or not say anything at all. Without knowing particulars, my feeling is that there are very practical workarounds to your situation.
Most complexes have an after-hours rent drop box where you can drop off a check. I have used them even during business hours, because I don't really like social interaction. A lot of places also have the option to pay online via electronic check or credit card. Both of these options would reduce or all together cut out the need to see a person in the leasing office. Most places also have email systems for the office staff, and an email address for the maintenance team. This would cut out the need to speak to anyone on the phone.
I don't think anyone meant to imply that people are allowed to disrespect you. What was meant is that there may not be legal options for you to pursue, so they can effectively treat you however they'd like to treat you.
My opinion, for what it's worth, is that being homeless is much worse than temporarily being disrespected. As much as I think we should all do our part to increase visibility and educate people, I do not believe it is worth it if it puts you in a potentially unsafe situation like being homeless would.
I also think that you really don't have much of a legal leg to stand on until you get your documents changed. They're probably covering themselves as well.
Quote from: Shana-chan on October 21, 2014, 11:11:28 PM
Anyway, as for the name change, here is why I can't get it done right now.
Sorry, there is no excuse. Getting a name change is a huge hassle for everyone who has done it. The name change part is simple, it's changing EVERYTHING else in your life to match it. And if you are "nearly full time", having an obviously male name is a huge hassle everywhere.
As far as the apartment and the staff, your paperwork with them all has the male name. You are asking for them all to remember that you use a different name than what's on the paperwork in front of them? I really think you are asking a lot for people who rarely interact with you to remember your "preferred name" is a different one from their paperwork?
And then you are talking about taking them to court over this? Go to court and get your name changed!
Sorry, but you really are over reacting to this. It would be nice if they just called you by your preferred name, but if you are going to their office in guy mode, that would be equally weird.
It's why I tell people, if you are going to transition, you need to jump ship quickly. I spent way too much time in half time guy, half time woman land and it will make you insane.
Quote from: Shana-chan on October 21, 2014, 11:11:28 PM
~snip~
*Ahem* Anyway, as for the name change, here is why I can't get it done right now.
1. Been to various doctors/hospitals and used my insurance thus if a name change happens it could come back on me and cause me more trouble than it's worth.
2. Atm due to something I am waiting for to happen from the Gov., I can't get it done just yet, agai, too much hassle and could have consequences if I don't wait it out.
3. Due to being out of work and getting less pay for so long, I am low on funds to do this with, will be back at work full time in a month from now from what I was told however, there is no guarantee I'll get the hours I need.
4. I have no idea what court to go to, where it's at or any info for how I do this and what I need to do this. If I at least had the name of the court I'm supposed to go to then I could look the phone # up, call them and get the rest of the ifo from them, but, I don't even know the name of the court, does anyone know?
~snip~
1. Changing your name will indeed roll out through existing systems, women change their names all the time for marriage.
2. I changed my name in the middle of my divorce, it was an annoyance to have my old and new names throughout the divorce paperwork. No scratch that...it was a big FU to my ex, and was a bit of a riot while she was in denial.
3. I successfully filed my own name change and separate gender change cases pro se. While that's not free either, it's cheap compared to many things.
4. In Missouri a county's family court handles name changes, divorces etc. As I mentioned I changed my name in the middle of my ex divorcing me. That was actually an opportunity in disguise to meet n greet with the Judge...the same judge as handled the divorce. Since my ex was way out of line in her behavior and legal filings, it garnered direct sympathy for me from the judge.
Quote from: Shana-chan on October 21, 2014, 11:11:28 PM
here is why I can't get it done right now.
1. Been to various doctors/hospitals and used my insurance thus if a name change happens it could come back on me and cause me more trouble than it's worth.
2. Atm due to something I am waiting for to happen from the Gov., I can't get it done just yet, agai, too much hassle and could have consequences if I don't wait it out.
3. Due to being out of work and getting less pay for so long, I am low on funds to do this with, will be back at work full time in a month from now from what I was told however, there is no guarantee I'll get the hours I need.
4. I have no idea what court to go to, where it's at or any info for how I do this and what I need to do this. If I at least had the name of the court I'm supposed to go to then I could look the phone # up, call them and get the rest of the info from them, but, I don't even know the name of the court, does anyone know?
#2 I can see if it's something like immigration or citizenship. I am not sure what else would require you to wait though. I only mention immigration because they are well known for screwing up things and when they screw up things it could mean being deported. In that case I would wait. The other case I would wait would be the military.
The rest I have to agree with the others, it's not an excuse. I'm really sorry to pile it on, but #4 especially seems like just plain laziness. I could understand years ago when we did not have the internet and all we had was the yellow pages, but today everything is online and lots of transgender websites and LGBT organizations will have guides on their websites. Some will even help you do it. Some may even provide financial assistance so that takes care of #3. So what are you waiting for?
QuoteAnd last but not least, you shouldn't HAVE to get a name change or even the sex/gender on your ids and such changed for people to simply do the right thing and call you by the name you go by and the right pronouns too! The ONLY REASON why we have "legal documents" saying what sex/gender/DOB/name etc. you are/have is because it not only helps the Gov. keep track of you (In terms of you're alive, you exist etc.) and because it helps keep crime to a minimum vs. God only knows how bad it'd be if we didn't have such a system. (Albeit it's a broken system that seriously needs major corrections!) Before the whole legal system existed there were no legal documents and such to say who you were and what you were called. Hell, you could have changed your name and not been bothered about it except from those who know you. So I see no reason why ANYONE especially when it involves work, apartments and other business type stuff can't call you by the right name and pronouns you go by simply to be respectful to you! Sure it's another story for the legal documents having to stay the same till you get them changed which is fine got no problem with that but the guy trying to tell me it's not fair, too much hassle, you can't expect what I'm asking him to simply tell his staff to call me to happen? Nope, not goig to fly with me! That's BS! Sorry, rant over. *Sigh*
This is not a personal relationship you're talking about here. To them you are a customer. Your sole purpose is to give them money in exchange for goods or services, in their eyes. You are a label on a piece of paper or a computer. This is why you need to change your name and gender marker. I can't wait to do mine!!!
[/quote]
Plus, your LEGAL NAME is what's used for their tax records. Don't like it? buy your own house, move out or get your name changed. They are a business, not a buddy, not a therapist. you pay them for a roof over your head. Until that name is legally changed, expect to be frustrated and pissed off. A lot. And going to their office in guy mode and asking to be called... I dont know.. Sandra, is just not going to help your case. So quit flying off your broomstick until you get your ducks in a row. Get that name change.
And trust me, from experience, being homeless is NOT fun at all so be happy you have a place to live!
Ok, some clarification is in order for what was said as well as something that everyone should know and understand by now. My apologies in advance if any of my posts here or this one offended anyone.
Quote from: ftmax on October 27, 2014, 05:54:29 PM
I'd definitely wait a while, or not say anything at all. Without knowing particulars, my feeling is that there are very practical workarounds to your situation.
This would cut out the need to speak to anyone on the phone.
I don't think anyone meant to imply that people are allowed to disrespect you. What was meant is that there may not be legal options for you to pursue, so they can effectively treat you however they'd like to treat you.
My opinion, for what it's worth, is that being homeless is much worse than temporarily being disrespected. As much as I think we should all do our part to increase visibility and educate people, I do not believe it is worth it if it puts you in a potentially unsafe situation like being homeless would.
Going in reverse here,
yes, being homeless is far worse than not being homeless however, all I'd be doing if I waited is delaying the inevitable which is, coming out to them and seeing what they do from there, whether that be kicking me out or not the fact here is, if it's going to happen then putting it off won't change a thing except the circumstances of one's timing and if they feel they'll be ok or not and such. Atm, I feel like even if they kick me out, I'll somehow be ok where as if I wait, it may not be the case at that point. If I'm wrong then you better believe the last bit of my family who can help me in such a time, WILL be having that bridge burned.
Again, I see little point in waiting to come out if one's timing is good or they feel it's good and if they're trying to go full time everywhere because sooner or later, if & when you change your name legally, you'll still have to face them about the issue later on and for more info on this such as legal implications, read below. (In the other quotes below that is)If that was the case then I really am sorry but the way I saw it is how I called it and that's because of the above logic I just stated.
Except you'd still have to go back to male mode when maintenance or exterminator or some other person whose contracted with them comes to your house. Plus I'm not trying to eliminate seeing them or speaking to them at all, I'm trying to go full time and I do pass. (More below) Thank you for the ideas though, they're good ones for those wishing to be stealth & such.
Quote from: ImagineKate on October 27, 2014, 08:32:13 PM
I also think that you really don't have much of a legal leg to stand on until you get your documents changed. They're probably covering themselves as well.
Well, true but at the same time, if the EEOC can say sex discrimination for this sort of thing when it comes to a job then, I see no reason why that same logic cannot be applied to everything else. It may not be much but that IS a leg to stand on right there.
Quote from: Hanazono on October 27, 2014, 11:14:18 PM
Life is short
Choose your battles wisely
All the more reason I don't wish to wait on things that could be done right now vs. waiting, possibly making stuff worse.
I always do.
Quote from: Stephe on October 27, 2014, 11:27:03 PM
Sorry, there is no excuse. Getting a name change is a huge hassle for everyone who has done it. The name change part is simple, it's changing EVERYTHING else in your life to match it. And if you are "nearly full time", having an obviously male name is a huge hassle everywhere.
As far as the apartment and the staff, your paperwork with them all has the male name. You are asking for them all to remember that you use a different name than what's on the paperwork in front of them? I really think you are asking a lot for people who rarely interact with you to remember your "preferred name" is a different one from their paperwork?
Sorry, but you really are over reacting to this. It would be nice if they just called you by your preferred name, but if you are going to their office in guy mode, that would be equally weird.
It's why I tell people, if you are going to transition, you need to jump ship quickly. I spent way too much time in half time guy, half time woman land and it will make you insane.
That right there is projection, only I can say if it's an excuse or not because only I know all the circumstances involved here. (If you think I'd list all of them then you're wrong, there was still 1-3 I didn't list, for obvious reasons) Its because of it all that I can say it's not an excuse nor is it being lazy.
Timing is everything and whether we like it or not, we often times have to wait and put things on hold in life, even important things such as a name change. Rarely interact with me shouldn't be an excuse for them and yes I do see it as an excuse and here is why. At work, you interact with countless people, when it comes to the people you work with, some you see every day, others most days, some only once a week and others you will only see once in a blue moon. Even then your work is trying to uphold being respectful to you and has gone out of their way to try to do so, which is a good sign really but my point here is, even those once in a blue moon employees who you work with are expected to also uphold calling you by the correct gender, pronouns and name you wish to be called, the same goes for any new employee too! So if these people who you rarely see can uphold that respect and such, why can't everyone else in business relationships? Also, keep in mind, many jobs have you working with 15+ or even 30+ people so if they can spread the word and keep on it (With your help of course) then I see no reason why 10 or less people in the leasing office (Which includes everyone such as maintenance personnel) can't easily spread the word, make a note of it in my profile and so on. Since when is it ok for companies to disrespect their customers anyway huh?
I pass as female and have been presenting as female the whole time UNLESS I use my male voice! (As that gives me away) Also, see the below for the rest here.
Well you may certainly tell people that but, you have to realize everyone is different, everyone has their own speed for which they transition and of course, not everyone can just in a snap of the fingers go from one gender to another just like that. Transition takes time and it involves a lot of variables for how quickly one can transition such as if where you live is a safe place for transitioning or not, how much money you make or have and so much more. Thus, transition is like the butterfly or even the cicada, you shed off bits and pieces of your old self to become a better more happier person whose gender is aliened correctly. It simply takes time and I doubt there's many people if at any that can by pass the whole shedding off bits at a time part of the transitioning process.Quote from: Missy~rmdlm on October 28, 2014, 05:27:27 AM
1. Changing your name will indeed roll out through existing systems, women change their names all the time for marriage.
4. In Missouri a county's family court handles name changes, divorces etc.
1. That's only if YOU inform each and every single one of the people involved yourself, maybe some places do otherwise but for where I live, that sadly isn't the case. They may also require you to send in proof and such which further drains money and time.
4. I will try searching online for family courts now that I have a name, hopefully this will yield some results, thank you.
Quote from: ImagineKate on October 28, 2014, 10:51:24 AM
The rest I have to agree with the others, it's not an excuse. I'm really sorry to pile it on, but #4 especially seems like just plain laziness. I could understand years ago when we did not have the internet and all we had was the yellow pages, but today everything is online and lots of transgender websites and LGBT organizations will have guides on their websites. Some will even help you do it. Some may even provide financial assistance so that takes care of #3. So what are you waiting for?
See the above, it's not an excuse or laziness by any means. Also, I have DONE the research online, I keep running into lots of places "claiming" to be able to change your name legally and there are TONS of scams online, not just in the real world, so, hard to find info on it when you can't trust said info you searched for. That's why I needed a court's name, now I have a hopeful lead and am hoping to find something legit. As for these sites that are from LGBT etc., care to post any ones with those types of references you said they have? It'd certainly help speed up finding a legit place to change my name legally. :)
Quote from: Rainbow Brite on October 28, 2014, 01:36:04 PM
Plus, your LEGAL NAME is what's used for their tax records. Don't like it? buy your own house, move out or get your name changed. They are a business, not a buddy, not a therapist. you pay them for a roof over your head. Until that name is legally changed, expect to be frustrated and pissed off. A lot. And going to their office in guy mode and asking to be called... I dont know.. Sandra, is just not going to help your case. So quit flying off your broomstick until you get your ducks in a row. Get that name change.
And trust me, from experience, being homeless is NOT fun at all so be happy you have a place to live!
I honestly don't care in that case. It's not like that hasn't been happening and it's not like I intend to still have this name come next year's taxes. For the rest of what you said and my response to them, you can see the above since it contains all I'd have said here. Though for the guy mode thing, I'll repeat this
I pass as female and have been presenting as female the whole time UNLESS I use my male voice! (As that gives me away) Also, see the above first bolded text you see for the rest here on this part.
Timing is everything and like wise stuff prevents me from doing so, not like I named everything preventing me from doing so. (For obvious reasons)
See the above for the whole thing on being kicked out and when to/not to wait on coming out to them.
Quote from: Shana-chan on October 30, 2014, 11:37:08 AM
Well, true but at the same time, if the EEOC can say sex discrimination for this sort of thing when it comes to a job then, I see no reason why that same logic cannot be applied to everything else. It may not be much but that IS a leg to stand on right there.
Legally they can refer to you by the name on your lease, or the name on your identity documents, and there's nothing you can do about it. If they have to sue you, evict you, or even write you a letter, they
have to use your legal name. That's why it's your
legal name. It sucks and it's unfair but it's the law. So what do you do? Suck it up and follow the law. By changing your documents they are
forced to call you by what is on your docs and you will absolutely have recourse if they refuse to comply. And not for nothing, they need to protect themselves. Identity theft is serious business. By going by what is on your documents they cover themselves from potential scammers.
Quote
See the above, it's not an excuse or laziness by any means. Also, I have DONE the research online, I keep running into lots of places "claiming" to be able to change your name legally and there are TONS of scams online, not just in the real world, so, hard to find info on it when you can't trust said info you searched for. That's why I needed a court's name, now I have a hopeful lead and am hoping to find something legit. As for these sites that are from LGBT etc., care to post any ones with those types of references you said they have? It'd certainly help speed up finding a legit place to change my name legally. :)
Then you sound like you need help from a live person. Have you actually contacted any local LGBT centers around your area? I know here that they offer assistance in changing your documents. Seriously, they are there to help. Use it!
Trans women (and men) get all sorts of expensive surgery, therapy, hormones, and even the clothing in their wardrobe and on their bodies... They even travel to far off places like Thailand and Korea to get it. I would think that changing a piece of plastic or a piece of paper or a record in a computer database would be a pretty trivial thing to do.
I am not going to debate on what is and what isn't including stuff that's fair or not as I've already said it all before and as for the name changing, I've already said it's not possible for ME at this point in time. Trust me, if I could change it right here and now I'd do so as I have the funds to do so but life is not so kind at times and I just have to wait and no I don't like having to wait for this either.
As for needing help from a live person, yes, that's something I do need, however, I once checked to see if there are any LGBT centers in my area, searched turned up none for my area. It's been a while, I'll check again and ask someone I know & trust who might know. Thanks for mentioning this.
I am fully aware of that fact thank you but I do hope that wasn't at all saying or even implying I'm not trans, because it sure comes off that way to me. I may not have done certain things that others have but I have accomplished quite a bit already and practically all of it on my own. (With advice from people here at times)
huh... maybe your managers are more involved than mine were, but the apartment manager where I lived during transition never questioned it, and she was a picky and rather stuck up lady. Queen of a small apartment complex and taking it seriously... She got the rent checks on time and never questioned the name change.
Sometimes I think its better to just let it be until someone else brings it up... if they even care enough to do so.
Quote from: Shana-chan on October 30, 2014, 03:56:04 PM
I am not going to debate on what is and what isn't including stuff that's fair or not as I've already said it all before and as for the name changing, I've already said it's not possible for ME at this point in time.
Then you have to live with them calling you by your legal name. It's why most trans people I know get their name legally changed early in their transition. It was the first thing I did.
And it just seems very odd you are contemplating taking them to court over them calling you by your legal name, but you can't get your own legal name changed..
It seems to me that you are not being realistic in your approach. You seem to expect everyone to do things your way, and sorry to tell you, that is not how life works; there are protocols in place, and if you think that the rules do not apply to you, then you are sadly mistaken.
Locked per OP request.