This is a question I would like to put to those living full time in the female role, including post-op and those doing RLE.
Is life as a woman as good as you imagined it would be?
Quote from: louise000 on August 11, 2007, 02:29:27 AM
Is life as a woman as good as you imagined it would be?
Absolutely!Being post-op, I'm FINALLY me and living a life that makes sense. I'd do it all over again in a second. :)
tink :icon_chick:
Quote from: louise000 on August 11, 2007, 02:29:27 AM
This is a question I would like to put to those living full time in the female role, including post-op and those doing RLE.
Is life as a woman as good as you imagined it would be?
Life is what you make of it regardless of being post op, living full time as a woman.
Yes it is better, but only because I put all the effort into work, relationships, sport and living that I failed to do miserably as a guy.
You can transition with problems and still not be happy if you dont overcome those problems.
Buffy
I dont think I ever imagined what life as a woman would be like before I transitioned to be honest, I just kinda reached a point where I had to transition so I just got on with it. But I think Tink and Buffy have summed it up for me really in as much as life is only what you make of it and you still have to make an effort, but its great when you get the rewards back from putting that effort in whilst at the same time just being able to be yourself.
Becky
xx
Quote from: louise000 on August 11, 2007, 02:29:27 AM
This is a question I would like to put to those living full time in the female role, including post-op and those doing RLE.
Is life as a woman as good as you imagined it would be?
The major problem for me personally is that my expectations on how female I would look were too high. The limitations with hormones were not explained to me nor the fact that a lot of surgery lays ahead in order to achieve the point I need to get to.
I certainly prefer the way things are now and I find people are more pleasant towards me, hold doors open for me, let me jump que's, let me out of traffic, people (both male and female) smile at me more etc and life is generally far more pleasant than it was before.
For me it was very difficult living in a male role and to a certain extent I didn't really conform to it. I never wore male clothes, and prefered wearing girls jeans and tops since I was 13. I never had a hair cut and so confusion about what my gender was had been an issue for people for a long time.
The short answer is I had almost no expectations; Or said another way I had a pretty good idea what HRT would be like; Yes, HRT meets my expectations.
But, "WOMAN", Who me? I think you have the wrong girl.
That's the thing, for me I do not feel like a Woman; I do not have anything to base off of, I have very little in common with the majority of people (male or female). I do not have any hope of being pretty, although it remains to be seen whether or not I can manage it. I fear to use ANY public restroom. I am not even remotely comfortable with the thought of dating. I see very little hope of my life being 'normal', and while I do not have much problem with that, this and other things make me think that I have NO CLUE what it is to be a Woman. For now, I am just a scared little girl trying to survive in a harsh environment.
All things considered I would cry if it was worth shedding tears over. Life is better now than it was before, regardless.
Quote from: louise000 on August 11, 2007, 02:29:27 AM
This is a question I would like to put to those living full time in the female role, including post-op and those doing RLE.
Is life as a woman as good as you imagined it would be?
Good or bad is probably to simplistic a way to define such a profound change. I would say that my transition went beyond my wildest expectations but that doesn't necessarily equal Nirvana, that is not achievable through bodily changes and usually requires several lifetimes.
As strange as it may seem, as I move along my path, the physical has become less important, my spiritual self matters, oddly though, I think the cessation of GID has allowed my mind to pursue the truly important paths.
I read these threads questioning whether life will be good or bad, will we find love, will we pass and if not will we kill ourselves. In my view, these are wrong and destructive thoughts and only will lead to suffering. Before I transitioned I never allowed myself to worry about how good or bad my life would be, I only knew it was something I had to do. The alternative would not have been good.
All that said, it is wonderful having the outer match the inner and living life in my correct gender but anticipating that this is a path to happiness is not right-minded.
Interestingly I concur, for me spirituality has taken a massive upturn, but I attribute this to no longer being able to ignore, explain and other wise write off my thoughts as fantasy as they felt exactly the same as being a girl did; This is to say part of my "naw, can't be!" existence has been validated and I could no longer turn a blind eye. Amusingly I find my spiritual existence very much beyond my wildest expectations and far closer to be incline with my wildest dreams as it were; Of course, that is just the good idea but the details do not matter to anyone else.
The short form is that transition caused probably the most important turning point I have experienced in a number of lives it would seem. *shrug* I did start out by saying that transsexualism is a blessing after all and it seems to have turned out that, for me, it is indeed.
Transsexuality is a blessing. It is after all, what we are, if we were not trans then we would be someone else. If we love ourselves, and finally I am learning to do this, then truly we must be blessed.
If we stop cling and craving to the superficial ideals of passing, being pretty, being loved,whatever and just be content to be, we will be on the path to right-mindedness.
Quote from: louise000 on August 11, 2007, 02:29:27 AM
This is a question I would like to put to those living full time in the female role, including post-op and those doing RLE.
Is life as a woman as good as you imagined it would be?
I discovered one thing that I do think is important, Louise. That is that my imagination often got in my way before and during the early stages.
Actually, when I found myself taking for granted that I am and am seen and live a female life in American society. Well ... that is when I found I am a woman. It just creeped up on me and enclosed me. No effort required except that effort one makes to just be herself.
I know that sounds trite and unbelievable, except that some of the above posters seem to have found the same truth in living as I have.
HUGS, and I am sure you will do fine, just be patient with yourself and give that process time to work itself out in your life.
Nichole
The irony is the more one achieves acceptance the less important it becomes. For me at least.
I don't think I had any expectations either. I had a dream, from the time I was very little, I wanted to be female. My dream came true. I love it, I feel whole as I didn't before and yes all the same problems that I had before, they were still there, but they weren't so bad anymore. I was happy, genuinly happy. I wish I could have done this years ago. Just think of the life I could have had. If you are in the same frame of mind I was with my gender, then I say go for it. It isn't for everyone.
Sheila
I never really had expetations... but Im more than plesantly supprised... Life is sooooooo much better when your enjoying yourself and not constantly brooding or worse. Seriously... the diffrence is liveing my life... instead of just being alive <if you could call it that>
I guess I am kinda different because I always assumed it would be terrible. I always figured I would never pass. I figured I would be disowned and end up living a lonely life in the shadows as people made fun of me and pointed at me. I figured I would never find anyone to love or to love me. I really thought it would be very bad. I never thought I would be some pretty young passable girl, even when I was young. It all just seemed impossible.
That was until it became the last thing to try. I already tried killing myself, I knew I could do that. When I started living my life as a woman, all the bad things didn't happen to me. I felt and exhilaration I had never felt before. My depression left me and so did my anger. It turns out I was only angry at myself, for being so afraid to be who I was intended to be.
I was accepted by my children, filed for divorce, met and fell in love with a wonderful woman who accepts me for who I am. I have returned to college and have a better life than I have ever had. So for me it was much better than anything I ever imagined. Just not having to hate myself anymore. Knowing I am being true to myself. It's really all that matters.
Love always,
Elizabeth
Quote from: melissa90299 on August 11, 2007, 08:32:25 AM
If we stop cling and craving to the superficial ideals of passing, being pretty, being loved,whatever and just be content to be, we will be on the path to right-mindedness.
Superficial?
I tried the nirvana thing. I DO get it. But I don't want it. I want to be IN this world, not above it, not melted into a cosmic consciousness, not at one with everything, not right-minded, not without ego.
I WANT to feel what's it's like to be alive, mud and warts and wounds and all. I want to BE, but as an identity, as a person, and as a woman. I've been a nobody for four decades, and I so desperately need to exist now. That's my game this time around, my play. Sure, in the back of my mind I know it's just a game. I know I'm the actor, writer, stage and script of my own story. But that doesn't stop me from trying to live it as best I can.
I don't want to overcome in. I want to lose myself into it and FORGET.
But it doesn't look like life is going to allow me that blessing. I'm cursed to KNOW.
QuoteIs life as a woman as good as you imagined it would be?
I never really thought about it in those terms. I never imagined it as being good or bad, just as
necessary. It's just something I had to do.
That being said, I don't know if it's going to be enough. Life as a sorta-maybe-woman isn't going to cut it for me. I appreciate and admire the amazing spiritual achievements I see here, and I strive to embody them as well... but I don't think I ever will. More and more, they feel like compensations and compromises to me. Survival techniques. I don't want to be an enlightened soul, every day a new test of my spiritual resolve and wisdom.
All I wanted was to laugh in the rain, be kissed by a boy, get my feelings hurt by gossipy girlfriends, whine about my clothes never fitting right, order my fries without confusing anyone... just be a normal, boring, run-of-the-mill woman. A normal girl. A normal life.
But I've seen too much, realized too much, and The Truth is killing me inside now. I knew that risk when I opened Pandora's box, but I thought there was just no other way but
through. I don't see an end to this tunnel. I can't remake the past.
I can't
forget. Nor apparently will this world.
~Kate~
QuoteBut I've seen too much, realized too much, and The Truth is killing me inside now.
What truth? The truth that others see as you? As long as we let others define us, we will suffer. Hold on to that ego, babe.
Quote from: Kate on August 12, 2007, 02:08:42 AM
...
I don't want to overcome in. I want to lose myself into it and FORGET.
But it doesn't look like life is going to allow me that blessing. I'm cursed to KNOW.
...
Wow!!!!!!!
That is an insane standard to attempt to meet. Kate, there is no way other than to overcome. Everything!!!! You have to overcome gravity and barometric pressure just to keep breathing. Life is a continual struggle for everyone, not just transsexuals. I am sorry, but the reality of the world is that transsexuality is something that must be overcome. The world we live in refuses to accept this is part of the human condition. It is out of our control. You are not cursed because you can not control what others think, say or do. Let yourself off the hook. In another universe we run the Transtriarche, and we are gods over the cisgendered. But not this one.
Love always,
Elizabeth
Kate:
QuoteI tried the nirvana thing. I DO get it.
In all due respect, that statement reveals that you do not get it. I don't know anyone personally who has reached the state of Nirvana. Buddhism is not something someone tries. It took me two years of exploration and four months of intense study to begin to understand.
Most Westerners will NEVER get it. I feel very blessed that I am
beginning to.Posted on: August 13, 2007, 10:30:28 AM
Quote from: Elizabeth on August 13, 2007, 06:30:13 AM
Quote from: Kate on August 12, 2007, 02:08:42 AM
...
I don't want to overcome in. I want to lose myself into it and FORGET.
But it doesn't look like life is going to allow me that blessing. I'm cursed to KNOW.
...
Wow!!!!!!!
That is an insane standard to attempt to meet. Kate, there is no way other than to overcome. Everything!!!! You have to overcome gravity and barometric pressure just to keep breathing. Life is a continual struggle for everyone, not just transsexuals. I am sorry, but the reality of the world is that transsexuality is something that must be overcome. The world we live in refuses to accept this is part of the human condition. It is out of our control. You are not cursed because you can not control what others think, say or do. Let yourself off the hook. In another universe we run the Transtriarche, and we are gods over the cisgendered. But not this one.
Love always,
Elizabeth
That is Nirvana!
Quote from: regina on August 13, 2007, 11:36:20 AM
[Purely speaking for myself...]
I don't believe in Nirvana or some ultimate enlightenment. We all go to the bathroom and need to wipe, last time I looked.
The Dali Lama doesn't.
Posted on: August 13, 2007, 02:43:57 PM
Quote from: regina on August 13, 2007, 11:36:20 AM
Never would I present myself as other than someone who continues to deal with a lot of self-doubts, insecurities, body issues, sadness, loss... the whole enchilada. There is no way that my transitioning is going to empty the hamper of all that.
I do not know how much transitioning and being freed of GID has contributed to it, but I do know that I am experiencing a profound enlightenment that teaches me how to eliminate self-doubts, insecurities, sadness, loneliness and all other attachments and cravings from my life. And it coincided with "completing" my transition.
Being passable I would think is very improtant. For me, It is all about being as passable as I can. How much will I practice voice training? Am I dieting for a thinner womanly body. If I do all I can, I think I should have nothing to worry about. I can then say i did all I can and accept it as what it is. How I feel about myself will project an image of who, what I am and thinking.
Ok sorry , back to the Topic. Angie, ;)
I would say that I *did* have expectations when I started or rather and idea of what I hoped to have at the very least. For that, I would say that I've pretty much achieved what I had imagined (which was pretty much being who I was before, but just as a female). As for my physical transformation, my results have easily surpassed all my expectations. I thought I would need to be on hormones for years, voice surgery to get the voice, and have major FFS to ever pass as a woman consistently. Now I do that every day. Not only that, but I'm having people hit on me (mostly guys) and some are even telling me I'm beautiful.
Quote from: almost,angie on August 13, 2007, 04:43:41 PMBeing passable I would think is very improtant. For me, It is all about being as passable as I can.
Um sorry, but it's not about "passing", but rather it's about being seen, accepted and treated as the gender you really are by everyone (and for many, being seen as a trans-woman is just not the same thing). If who you really are inside is female, then passing would just be a means of accomplishing that.
For instance, I pass in everyday life and can do stealth when I choose to (and I do for most parts), but at work, about half the people knew I transitioned since I did it at the same job I am at. Everybody treats me as female regardless though and as far as I can tell, they completely accept me as female. One possible though is that because I was moved onto a different floor than most of the women, I rarely get a chance to socialize with them. :( Fortunately I am able to make up for this in the other stealth aspects of my life. I do plan on looking for another job after I get SRS and this time it would definitely be in stealth--at least DADT stealth. :P
Quote from: melissa90299 on August 13, 2007, 10:32:43 AM
Most Westerners will NEVER get it.
I'm tired of hearing the way you use the phrase "most Westerners," as if we were somehow inferior. i'm not sure what Eastern philosophy you study, but what does it say about manners?
i mean, c'mon. we may be heathens and barbarians, but "Most Westerners" do know that 'Arrogant' is a very poor adjective to have to hang in front of the title, 'Guru'
Quote from: almost,angie on August 13, 2007, 04:43:41 PM
Being passable I would think is very improtant. For me, It is all about being as passable as I can.
Before FFS I thought I was the most horrid woman on the face of the earth. My self-esteem was destroyed & I was on the verge of suicide.
Today I have a very successful life & I've accomplished so much since my FFS. Now I can honestly say that it is as good as I thought it would be. You're not off topic Angie. I relate to what you've expressed on here. :)
Quote from: Butterfly on August 13, 2007, 08:37:05 PM
Quote from: almost,angie on August 13, 2007, 04:43:41 PM
Being passable I would think is very improtant. For me, It is all about being as passable as I can.
I've accomplished so much since my FFS.
Wow! That is some great work! Who was the surgeon?
Posted on: August 14, 2007, 10:04:22 AM
Quote from: Ell on August 13, 2007, 08:27:06 PM
Quote from: melissa90299 on August 13, 2007, 10:32:43 AM
Most Westerners will NEVER get it.
I'm tired of hearing the way you use the phrase "most Westerners," as if we were somehow inferior. i'm not sure what Eastern philosophy you study, but what does it say about manners?
i mean, c'mon. we may be heathens and barbarians, but "Most Westerners" do know that 'Arrogant' is a very poor adjective to have to hang in front of the title, 'Guru'
The arrogance you perceive is created in your mind. It is not coming from me. The fact is that most Westerners have a hard time grasping the concepts that I talk about and often dismiss them or challenge them, due to their lack of understanding. I have stated many times that I, as a Westerner, had a very hard time understanding the concepts I discuss.
If I were to tell you that I believe that millions of people are capable of perception far beyond the five senses, would you accept it?
If I were to say that attachment to the concept of "flawless passability" will only cause suffering, would you accept that?
QuoteIf I were to tell you that I believe that millions of people are capable of perception far beyond the five senses, would you accept it?
I remember sitting in a classroom as a very young child, the teacher telling us that there were five senses. I knew that there were clearly more than five, but also knew that it was probably not a good idea to say so to the teacher ;D
QuoteIf I were to say that attachment to the concept of "flawless passability" will only cause suffering, would you accept that?
I absolutely agree with this, at least in as much as I, a westerner, understand the concept of attachment.
Z
Quote from: y2gender on August 14, 2007, 10:55:24 AM
I knew that there were clearly more than five, but also knew that it was probably not a good idea to say so to the teacher ;D
That sounds like it was a
sensible thing to do. ;)
Quote from: louise000 on August 11, 2007, 02:29:27 AM
Is life as a woman as good as you imagined it would be?
Yes and no. To now be myself is more than the greatest thing I could ever imagined. But the life that women lead in our patriarchic society is so much more circumscribed than I could ever have imagined from the outside.
Posted on: August 14, 2007, 12:07:41 PM
Quote from: y2gender on August 14, 2007, 10:55:24 AM
QuoteIf I were to tell you that I believe that millions of people are capable of perception far beyond the five senses, would you accept it?
I remember sitting in a classroom as a very young child, the teacher telling us that there were five senses. I knew that there were clearly more than five, but also knew that it was probably not a good idea to say so to the teacher ;D
Indeed, early on we learn not to speek of things that adults refuse to see.
QuoteThat sounds like it was a sensible thing to do. Wink
Yes, usually when I said something that I thought was profound, I got in trouble... either from teacher or other kids... hmmmmm, can't imagine why, we all know I wouldn't say anything controversial ;)
Z
Quote from: y2gender on August 14, 2007, 10:55:24 AM
QuoteIf I were to tell you that I believe that millions of people are capable of perception far beyond the five senses, would you accept it?
I remember sitting in a classroom as a very young child, the teacher telling us that there were five senses. I knew that there were clearly more than five, but also knew that it was probably not a good idea to say so to the teacher ;D
QuoteIf I were to say that attachment to the concept of "flawless passability" will only cause suffering, would you accept that?
I absolutely agree with this, at least in as much as I, a westerner, understand the concept of attachment.
Z
That is the problem with this format, the questions were addressed specifically to the other poster. Your interjection merely muddles the message. Oh well.
Posted on: August 14, 2007, 12:20:16 PM
Quote from: Melissa on August 14, 2007, 11:16:22 AM
Quote from: y2gender on August 14, 2007, 10:55:24 AM
I knew that there were clearly more than five, but also knew that it was probably not a good idea to say so to the teacher ;D
That sounds like it was a sensible thing to do. ;)
Then further muddling...
God, grant me the serenity...
QuoteThat is the problem with this format, the questions were addressed specifically to the other poster. Your interjection merely muddles the message. Oh well.
Oooops, sorry :embarrassed: I guess I think of this format like a gigantic dinner table with the entire family, multiple conversations going on simultaneously.
Z
Quote from: Ell on August 13, 2007, 08:27:06 PM
Quote from: melissa90299 on August 13, 2007, 10:32:43 AM
Most Westerners will NEVER get it.
I'm tired of hearing the way you use the phrase "most Westerners," as if we were somehow inferior. i'm not sure what Eastern philosophy you study, but what does it say about manners?
i mean, c'mon. we may be heathens and barbarians, but "Most Westerners" do know that 'Arrogant' is a very poor adjective to have to hang in front of the title, 'Guru'
Lol. I believe the phrase, "Most Homo-Sapiens" works much better. We're ALL inferior.
Quote from: melissa90299 on August 14, 2007, 12:21:26 PM
Quote from: Melissa on August 14, 2007, 11:16:22 AM
Quote from: y2gender on August 14, 2007, 10:55:24 AM
I knew that there were clearly more than five, but also knew that it was probably not a good idea to say so to the teacher ;D
That sounds like it was a sensible thing to do. ;)
Then further muddling...
God, grant me the serenity...
Not muddling, it's called a pun. ::)
I think it's much harder than I expected.....I thought I was good material to start with and then I find out it's not so easy and hormones do very little. I still have a man's bodyshape and it's very very depressing after all this time.
The amount of operations to atain a female bodyshape is vast and when you start you have no idea how hard it';s going to be.
Quote from: Berliegh on August 15, 2007, 10:55:05 AM
The amount of operations to atain a female bodyshape is vast and when you start you have no idea how hard it';s going to be.
Look into corseting (specifically tightlacing). It's much more affordable and practical.
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fdarkgrden.com%2Fimages%2Fcorsets%2Fwomen%2Fclassicvic_01.jpg&hash=6c240c3ae9c7036927b4375476d48e00c4136058)
www.darkgarden.com
..where I get mine, I wish I learn how to lace em up faster one day...
Quote from: melissa90299 on August 15, 2007, 10:20:49 PM
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fdarkgrden.com%2Fimages%2Fcorsets%2Fwomen%2Fclassicvic_01.jpg&hash=6c240c3ae9c7036927b4375476d48e00c4136058)
www.darkgarden.com
..where I get mine, I wish I learn how to lace em up faster one day...
I ordered mine from www.romantasy.com, which is also in the bay area. I have not received mine yet, but I have been using a belt and in less than 3 months, I have already lost 5 inches off my waist. I just had to punch new holes in the belt this past weekend because I was already on it's smallest setting and it was the smaller of the 2 belts I was using. My waist is now about an inch or so smaller than it was in the bikini pic I took.
I've always had an interest in those. I think my biggest problems are proportion-wise. Like, I'm pretty small, but I've built up so much "ripped" muscle over the years I'd look rather odd. My shoulders have alot of tissue. I'm skinny though. My only concern is the muscle definition and my albinoesce pigment. I'm SOO white.
And no, muscular girls are cool. Its just I debate wtf I'd look like if I went ALL the way. ??? :(
You know... life is much different than what I thought it might be.
It's normal and mundane. I have to get out of bed, shower, and face the day just like any other normal woman. Actually, my life isn't mundane... it's pretty freekin unbelievable But that has nothing to do with being female. It's about what I've been able to accomplish since my transition.
I suppose that the greatest and most wonderful thing about my new (going on a couple of decades now) life is that I don't have the little squirrel running in my brain telling me that I need to be a girl. That little squirrel still runs, but she and I work together to do some pretty amazing things.
The old thoughts that tore my life asunder are buried in the past. This, my dear, is the wondrous thing about my life. My only thoughts of gender variance are when I visit here.
Cindi
Quote from: Cindi Jones on August 15, 2007, 11:41:42 PM
You know... life is much different than what I thought it might be.
It's normal and mundane. I have to get out of bed, shower, and face the day just like any other normal woman. Actually, my life isn't mundane... it's pretty freekin unbelievable But that has nothing to do with being female. It's about what I've been able to accomplish since my transition.
I suppose that the greatest and most wonderful thing about my new (going on a couple of decades now) life is that I don't have the little squirrel running in my brain telling me that I need to be a girl. That little squirrel still runs, but she and I work together to do some pretty amazing things.
The old thoughts that tore my life asunder are buried in the past. This, my dear, is the wondrous thing about my life.
And this... what you describe... has always been my deepest, most desperate wish and hope. It gets no more complicated than that.
QuoteMy only thoughts of gender variance are when I visit here.
And a huge THANK YOU to all of you who give us newbies hope at the expense of reminding yourselves of the pain you went through to get here. I can only imagine how tempting it must be to just move on and forget all this, so truly... I... we all... deeply appreciate your generosity and selfless compassion.
~Kate~
For myself I can honestly say that my life has has been as good as, and even better than I thought it would be. Just like every other woman there are high points and not so high points, but it's all a part of living your life and dealing with those curve balls that are sometimes tossed your way.
It's safe to say that each of us has our own set of values and goals that once achieved would mark our success.
Truthfully I don't recall if I had expectations other than happiness and I certainly have achieved that goal. Even after factoring in the recent turmoil that I have battled through, I can honestly say that I'm happy.
I truly believe that there is one issue above all else in this life that we have to ensure and that is to be happy, for if we can't be happy then what's the point.
Steph
Quote from: Kate on August 16, 2007, 07:19:59 AM
I can only imagine how tempting it must be to just move on and forget all this, so truly... I... we all... deeply appreciate your generosity and selfless compassion.
It is tempting, but there's just something that keeps drawing many of us back. :)
Quote from: Steph on August 16, 2007, 12:31:58 PM
Just like every other woman there are high points and not so high points, but it's all a part of living your life and dealing with those curve balls that are sometimes tossed your way.
And that's just it, isn't it?
Am I happier? See, the irony is, BEFORE transitioning, I was sorta happy on the OUTSIDE. Life was kinda easy. Sure, I had the same problems everyone does with money and people and all, but overall it was fairly conventional and easy to get by.
BUT... I was miserable INSIDE. My soul was dying, withering away. And nooooo amount of outer goodness could fill that ever-widening void. So I was kinda happy on the outside, but miserable on the inside.
AFTER transition, things flipped. My soul is FINALLY at peace. Geez, I didn't even know I COULD feel this content and happy on the INSIDE. I've never known anything other than the torment of GID, so this feeling is just all *amazing* to me still.
But... the outside concerns are HUGE now. I wouldn't say I'm unhappy exactly, but certainly concerned. Just picking up a pizza is now a test of my resolve and determination. The Outer World is suddenly very complicated (though it seems I'm mainly the one complicating it with my unfounded fears and worries).
But I have faith that this will resolve itself in time. I'll become more and more passable, and more and more comfortable with not CARING if I pass. There's hope there. There was none if I didn't transition.
~Kate~
QuoteIt is tempting, but there's just something that keeps drawing many of us back.
I hope it's the great company ;D, maybe it's really only the excellent desserts though ;D :P Whatever the reason, we're glad you're here.
Z
Quote from: Kate on August 16, 2007, 12:48:17 PM
My soul is FINALLY at peace. Geez, I didn't even know I COULD feel this content and happy on the INSIDE. I've never known anything other than the torment of GID, so this feeling is just all *amazing* to me still.
Yeah, really, tell me about it. I've been fulltime for over a year now and it *still* continues to amaze me. It seems to have an even bigger effect when I am in situations that used to cause me the most extreme dysphoria. Also, the first time I do something new as a girl, whether I did it before as a guy, tends to make me feel SO wonderful inside. That's why I did so many things last year. I wanted to keep experiencing that feeling.
Something new I experienced a couple days ago was I was getting measured for my costume for the musical and the costumer told me I "needed to" wear tights with it. I've never been ordered by somebody else to wear something female specific before (although I've always wanted to be). I've heard about this happening to GGs before, and I felt jealous, but I never expected it to happen to me. It's little things like that which make life in the right gender so much better.
Now some things that felt so wonderful to experience as the correct gender when I first started doing them have just become normal, like swimming. Actually swimming in particular now causes me some dysphoria due to not having SRS yet. :( However, the first time I walk down the street in public wearing a skirt felt so wonderful, but now it's like, whatever, it just feels normal. Actually sometimes the fact that it feels so normal can be equally as comforting. But other things like being ma'amed continue to give me a good feeling inside. :)
Quote from: Kate on August 16, 2007, 12:48:17 PM
I wouldn't say I'm unhappy exactly, but certainly concerned. Just picking up a pizza is now a test of my resolve and determination. The Outer World is suddenly very complicated (though it seems I'm mainly the one complicating it with my unfounded fears and worries).
But I have faith that this will resolve itself in time. I'll become more and more passable, and more and more comfortable with not CARING if I pass. There's hope there. There was none if I didn't transition.
I'll admit that I do think (not really obsess) about passing occasionally (especially with it being easier to see my adam's apple from losing weight), but it's not something I like doing. In fact, the times I don't worry about passing (which is most of the time) are when I feel the best and I enjoy life. Thinking about it just makes me feel stressed. Why do I think about passing? It's not because people read me, but just my own insecurities about myself. Hopefully over time I will become more and more comfortable with (or at least be able to fix) my body whereas I don't think about certain things.
Quote from: y2gender on August 16, 2007, 01:25:10 PMI hope it's the great company ;D, maybe it's really only the excellent desserts though ;D :P Whatever the reason, we're glad you're here.
It's probably because this is now really my only outlet where I feel free to discuss gender related stuff.
Quote from: Kate on August 16, 2007, 12:48:17 PM
Am I happier? See, the irony is, BEFORE transitioning, I was sorta happy on the OUTSIDE. Life was kinda easy. Sure, I had the same problems everyone does with money and people and all, but overall it was fairly conventional and easy to get by.
BUT... I was miserable INSIDE. My soul was dying, withering away. And nooooo amount of outer goodness could fill that ever-widening void. So I was kinda happy on the outside, but miserable on the inside.
AFTER transition, things flipped. My soul is FINALLY at peace. Geez, I didn't even know I COULD feel this content and happy on the INSIDE. I've never known anything other than the torment of GID, so this feeling is just all *amazing* to me still.
But... the outside concerns are HUGE now. I wouldn't say I'm unhappy exactly, but certainly concerned. Just picking up a pizza is now a test of my resolve and determination. The Outer World is suddenly very complicated (though it seems I'm mainly the one complicating it with my unfounded fears and worries).
But I have faith that this will resolve itself in time. I'll become more and more passable, and more and more comfortable with not CARING if I pass. There's hope there. There was none if I didn't transition.
~Kate~
That's such a beautiful way of putting it, Kate. It will resolve in time. I went through exactly that. I was told by another lawyer before transition that I was the happiest person she knew. I was in inner torment at the time. Then the inner torment got resolved and I became outwardly self-conscious, always having to think about things that used to be normal.
It did pass for me and I'm sure it will for you too Kate.
Dennis
Quote from: Dennis on August 17, 2007, 12:41:51 AM
That's such a beautiful way of putting it, Kate. It will resolve in time. I went through exactly that. I was told by another lawyer before transition that I was the happiest person she knew. I was in inner torment at the time. Then the inner torment got resolved and I became outwardly self-conscious, always having to think about things that used to be normal.
It did pass for me and I'm sure it will for you too Kate.
Thanks Dennis, I experienced this as well. I'm glad to know that I'm not alone and that it will pass. :)
I don't believe in a "perfect or good life" because it would leave me with nothing to strive for...nothing to look forward to...no reason to hope. I've had a marvelous relationship with a loving and talented man for 5 years, the support of my family, my dog, my job, my flat and food for my table. I am blessed. Is it perfect? No. my flat is cluttered. I'm still pre-op. The dog passes gas. The fridge is not always stocked with food and my fiance and I can't fit our cars in the garage because of all the "stuff" collected through the years. How would I like it to be more perfect? Many ways - and that changes with the wind. That is one of the beauties of life. Am I happy with life right now...right this minute...more than ever? Do I look forward to things that will improve on that? You bet. Do I expect perfection. Never. I want to have GRS though. Will my life be perfect then? Dunno but it will be a step closer to nirvana. Good question for me to ponder.
QuoteIt's probably because this is now really my only outlet where I feel free to discuss gender related stuff.
---Melissa 1
I have found that GGs who are every close friends are great sounding boards for gender related stuff. Usually, there is something similar that has happened to them that they can relate to. At first, I didn't like to talk about gender stuff because it emphasized my trans status. That was an ego-based and insecure POV and I find most of my support now from GGs.
Quote from: melissa90299 on August 17, 2007, 10:00:12 AM
I have found that GGs who are every close friends are great sounding boards for gender related stuff. Usually, there is something similar that has happened to them that they can relate to. At first, I didn't like to talk about gender stuff because it emphasized my trans status. That was an ego-based and insecure POV and I find most of my support now from GGs.
Hmm, ok. The problem is that most of my GG friends actually have no idea I'm TS. I suppose I can talk about it in a non-TS context. Regarding not talking about it to people who know because it might emphasize trans status is definitely something I understand and with the few people who do know about me being TS, I don't usually mention it for this reason unless somebody else brings it up first. That's only happened like twice since going fulltime and both times were at work. I think my theory behind that though is that it would reduce the chances of others automatically outing me to new employees (which they don't), so I don't know if it truly plays a factor or not. I've actually been so busy lately (musical, having a girlfriend, kids, work, etc) that I haven't had much time to even talk much with my friends. I suppose if I spent less time on here, I'd have more time to do that. :P Thanks for the input though.
Quote from: Melissa on August 17, 2007, 11:22:32 AM
I've actually been so busy lately (musical, having a girlfriend, kids, work, etc) that I haven't had much time to even talk much with my friends. I suppose if I spent less time on here, I'd have more time to do that. :P
But we'd miss you :'(..................
Quote from: louise000 on August 17, 2007, 12:07:22 PM
But we'd miss you :'(..................
Aww, thanks. However, I never intended to remain in the TS community forever. I'll have to get on with my life at some point.
Quote from: melissa90299 on August 17, 2007, 10:00:12 AM
I have found that GGs who are every close friends are great sounding boards for gender related stuff.
Me too. Women in general have been wonderful to me. Men... well, aside from pehaps my best (male) friend, although they've been supportive, they STILL kinda think of me as a "guy who's now a girl."
But the girls... a few of them aren't quite sure how to deal with me, but ALL of them were emotionally supportive, and one by one they've come to think of me as just "one of the girls." We talk and share in ways we never really did before. I mean hmmmm... if I stop and think about it, ALL my emotional support is from the women in my life: my wife, her mother, her sisters and nieces, her friend's mother, my coworker(s)... and my Muse (yeeees Melissa, I've mentioned my oddities to a professional therapist, lol).
I sometimes wonder how it is for F2Ms? Do you find that other men support and nurture you along?
~Kate~
Quote from: Melissa on August 17, 2007, 01:11:38 PM
Quote from: louise000 on August 17, 2007, 12:07:22 PM
But we'd miss you :'(..................
Aww, thanks. However, I never intended to remain in the TS community forever. I'll have to get on with my life at some point.
It sounds as if you are already and I really admire you for it. Hope you'll still be around for a while yet, just to keep us posted!
Quote from: Melissa on August 17, 2007, 11:22:32 AM
The problem is that most of my GG friends actually have no idea I'm TS.
Sounds like you might be falling into
Jennifer Diane Reitz Syndrome :angel: :angel: :angel: >:D >:D ;D ; JDR is the inventor of COGIATI, she is a well-known polyamoros heteara, cartoonist and web designer) Her biggest problem and the reason she put the site up was that she passes too perfectly.
I have lots of "friends" actually more like acquaintances with whom I have never discussed gender issues. Funny, I have no idea whether or not they have any idea that I am trans because I have never asked them or brought it up. I don't know what close girl friends are for if not to discuss one's intimate feelings. AA has a saying, and I have gotten more help with gender issues and socialization with women through AA then anything in my life, It says:
You are only as sick as your secrets.I am so grateful that I have let loose of my ego-based insecurities about letting people know about my past. If "friends" think less of you if they find out your trans, I wouldn't want them as friends in the first place.
Quote from: Nichole W. on August 17, 2007, 03:49:05 PM
See, Kate. It gets better.
It does. And worse. And better. And worse. And better. And...
But such is life, no?
But ALSO a great thing to keep in mind when you're feeling hopeless and suicidal. DON'T DO IT! Wait. Hold on. Moods pass. True, the situation inspiring the mood MAY not change right away. But your FEELINGS about it, whatever they are, will find a way to either adapt OR find an unexpected solution. In Time.
In Time.
~Kate~
Quote from: melissa90299 on August 17, 2007, 03:59:30 PM
Quote from: Melissa on August 17, 2007, 11:22:32 AM
The problem is that most of my GG friends actually have no idea I'm TS.
Sounds like you might be falling into Jennifer Diane Reitz Syndrome :angel: :angel: :angel: >:D >:D ;D ; JDR is the inventor of COGIATI, she is a well-known polyamoros heteara, cartoonist and web designer) Her biggest problem and the reason she put the site up was that she passes too perfectly.
:icon_no: You misunderstand. I meant the problem with talking to most GGs about TS subjects (as you suggested doing) is that I can't because they don't know I'm TS and I want it to remain that way. Geez, I was not saying I "pass too perfectly". ::)
Quote from: louise000 on August 17, 2007, 03:17:51 PMIt sounds as if you are already and I really admire you for it. Hope you'll still be around for a while yet, just to keep us posted!
Well, I am living my life the best I can right now, but there will come a point when I don't want to think about being TS, but just living life as a normal woman without giving my past much thought. That *was* my original goal after all.
Actually, Mel, you missed my point. You assume that they don't know that you are TS because they haven't mentioned it. I have lots of conversations with lots of my acquaintances in which nothing ever comes up to confirm that they know I am TS or not, and then sometimes topics come up like today, when I was talking to a woman my age, and we both said we felt out of sorts and she said it could be this or could be that or maybe it's just menopause. Now in that case, the way she framed it, she obviously doesn't know.
But of the couple hundred women in my circle of acquaintances, I have no idea how many know I am trans. It doesn't really matter to me either way. If assuming that none of the women you know have clocked you makes you happy, more power to you.
Quote from: louise000 on August 11, 2007, 02:29:27 AM
This is a question I would like to put to those living full time in the female role, including post-op and those doing RLE.
Is life as a woman as good as you imagined it would be?
Better!My only regret is not starting sooner.
Karen Lyn
Quote from: melissa90299 on August 19, 2007, 05:08:45 PMBut of the couple hundred women in my circle of acquaintances, I have no idea how many know I am trans. It doesn't really matter to me either way. If assuming that none of the women you know have clocked you makes you happy, more power to you.
Well, it's not as if I have large man-hands, broad shoulders, a huge chest, or that I am exceptionally tall for a woman, which I imagine would get somebody read quite quickly. However, there are definitely subtle signs that confirm I'm not being read such as people talking about my "husband" when I've talked about my ex, subtle female discrimination, and other women treating me just like the other women, but definitely treating the men different.
Quote from: Melissa on August 19, 2007, 09:04:30 PM
Quote from: melissa90299 on August 19, 2007, 05:08:45 PMBut of the couple hundred women in my circle of acquaintances, I have no idea how many know I am trans. It doesn't really matter to me either way. If assuming that none of the women you know have clocked you makes you happy, more power to you.
Well, it's not as if I have large man-hands, broad shoulders, a huge chest, or that I am exceptionally tall for a woman, which I imagine would get somebody read quite quickly. However, there are definitely subtle signs that confirm I'm not being read such as people talking about my "husband" when I've talked about my ex, subtle female discrimination, and other women treating me just like the other women, but definitely treating the men different.
All those experiences have happened to me as well like the menopause comment today, and people who I am "out" with treat me as much as a woman as women who don't. If you want to have some fun and really affirm how perfectly you pass, tell some of your friends that you were born a man and see their jaws drop which has happened to me on several occasions.
BTW there are GGs with broad shoulders and large hands as well as male foreheads, unusually high haiirlines, (I once saw a transwoman on Market St who had a really high hairline and she had her bangs combed down and literally pasted to her forehead with dippity-do ---Don't get any ideas, Mel) flat chests, wide jaws and brow-bossing. Those things will get you read in a heartbeat by
some people but overlooked by others. Everyone has different powers of observation and perceptions of what a woman is supposed to look and sound like.
I don't come in here much but the picking at Melissa seems to me to be a bit too much. Will y'all quit sniping at her. I may not have the right as her G/F anymore to stick up for her bit I still love her and she is still my friend.
Rashelle
HAhahahaa...
so then what i'm wearing is really a manssiere!