the first person was my present therapist. I was in hiding for far way too long.
My best friend Tina. She said "If you're going to do that, you need to get boobs." She later named me Devlyn. Yeah, I'm not transsexual, but I thought I'd stray into this section and reply anyway.
Hugs, Devlyn
The first person I told was my wonderful-amazing-super-special-greatest-person-ever partner, muffinpants.
If my rain of accolades didn't make it obvious... she reacted well.
An old work acquaintance named Lottie, with whom I shared far too much emotional baggage following my divorce. I'd call her a friend, but I'm honestly not sure if I have any of those. I'm pretty sure I don't. I can't tell you the last time a non-family-member actually called me or invited me to something.
First person I mentioned it to was an former teacher of mine/ current academic adviser at school. She suggested I go to the school counseling center so I did, 2nd person I told was the therapist there, my current one still. First person close to me I told was a buddy I've known since 7th grade. Still working up the courage to tell my brother and a bunch of others :(
My mum. Though she came fishing for it. She knew I had been down a long time and decided to literally not leave me alone till I told her.
My Wife about 1 1/2 weeks ago.
It's a battlefield atm.
The first person I told was a female friend. A friend who has a FtM child. So I knew that she would understand.
I told my fostermum. It was painfully obvious that I was not like her bio-sons and she was the only person that I trusted back then. So I ended up taking her aside and had a one on one chat. You could see as the conversation went on, it all pieced together in her mind. She has been my rock ever since. Love you mama bear!
I told one of my oldest friends. Then i told a few more that i thought would understand. So far only one has rejected me. Ironically i met him through his wife, and now, even though he wont talk to me, im better friends with her than i ever was with him.
My Uncle 7 years ago before he passed. We were drunk, and I blurted out that I thought I may be. He was very manly and into sports and guy stuff. Always tried to get me to Man up... get me to do guy stuff. I told him that I hated all that guy stuff and just felt wrong about everything. He said he always kinda knew but he was scared for me because his friend who was a transwoman got killed in college, back in the 70s. Brutal story :( He told me its a very scary path and he felt I should just forget about it and Man-Up, thats why he always pushed me to get into sports and crap. He never told anyone what I told him, took it to his grave. He was an awesome person and the story of his friend still makes me sad and scared. I kinda re-buried the thoughts until just recently. I told my Mom a few weeks ago and she was not surprised... how did everyone know and I didn't ? My brothers introduce me as their sister.... ever since we were kids.... :laugh:
The first person I told was my wife, although it wasn't really planned, she just kinda kept digging one night until she uncorked the dam I had built.
My wife. She was shocked and scared (to be honest, so was I, since I just figured it out!) but we muddled through together. I don't think I would have been half as successful without her unflinching support from day 1.
My girlfriend at the time.
My mom
An old girlfriend of mine who was far enough removed from my life that she was unable to out me to anyone else that knew me. I really needed to share my secret verbally with someone who knew me. To my surprise she said it made sense to her. :)
My wife (as noted in my signature Sept 21, 2013) I had already identified as gender fluid and then genderqueer. (My wife is gender fluid.) The funny thing is that I had been contemplating transitioning back and forth so many times of the years, talking myself out of it time and time again. I was driving and we were talking and it hit me like a ton of bricks. "There is no denying, I am transgender and I need to transition from MtF." I told my wife seconds later. She wasn't totally surprise though. She has been great and super supportive. Of course we've had our ups and downs, but we are a stronger couple than ever before.
I told an acquaintance. I was good friends with her back in high school where we both on the gay straight alliance so I knew it was safe to tell her. Since we had grown a bit apart since then, there was no chance of negative consequences, so telling her was a great way to build confidence and get the ball rolling.
I told my parents at four when they sat me down and told me n no uncertain terms that I was a boy and that if I got into my mom's makeup or jewelry again I'd be punished. I told them, according to my mom, then if I'm not a girl I'm in the wrong body. I didn't believe it and asked her if it was really true and she said, 'word for word!' At 12 I crawled into my mom's lap (very bizarre in itself for me to have done that by that age) and told her that if I couldn't live as a girl, then I didn't want to live, period.
A very sweet woman I worked with named Kari. She was very supportive. Sadly life took us in different directions shortly after.
wow, great stories. I have told one other friend of mine. at first I though he was never going to talk to me again, but it turned out he was just playing around.
One of my friends was having trouble coming out as a lesbian. She was terrified even though during the conversation I knew where she was going with it.
So I told her I'd tell her a secret first.
Told her about wanting to be a girl and she came out as gay then.
She's a makeup artist now and said she'd help me learn how to use it all :)
I can't remember all the details, because I was still pretty lost and confused back then (I was about 14, I think?).. But the first person I told was my Mom.
At first I thought she was supportive, because she didn't treat me like I was delusional or disgusting like I was expecting her to. But after a few breakdowns and her pretending like nothing had happened after each time, I realized she didn't understand. For one, she bluntly told me "No, you won't" when I was bawling my eyes out about "never being able to be a guy", and two; she seemed to think I was merely a lesbian who didn't want to be a lesbian. (I never once expressed interest in a girl to her. Only men. She only thought this because she "heard that most people like that are attracted to women")
But I know it could have been much worse. Maybe one day I'll try again. (perhaps after I start transitioning)
That would have to be myself, after years (decades) of denial then melting down and the realization that yes I am different and accepting and acknowledging what I found as the true core of my life. After that things got very interesting as I tried different ways to introduce my true self to old friends and was met with unbelievable acceptance.Some times miracles do happen.
I had told my best friend in high school, and my now current best friend, more as a " this is my secret wish/albatross around my neck" kind of thing.
Telling myself, and getting myself to accept that I was trans only happened after I had told my best friends.
I told my childhood/best friend about it around summer time when our group of high school friends decided to have a get together for some drunken mischief. Since our houses were about 50m or so away from each other we decided to have a long chat since we haven't really conversed face to face since we all started university. Anyways it took forever for me to tell him but he said he is shocked but will support me. A week or so later he rings up and goes "daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamn what if you become a hot chick?! I'll probably hit on you!" hahaha :D but after that funny comment he said it was so clear now that he had some time to think about it. He also said if he can do anything to help me, don't hesitate to ask :D Oh how I love my bestie hehe :3
The first person I told was my now former partner who is FtM. His response was "No s**t, it's about damn time you figured it out".
I told my wife as soon as I came out to myself and could no longer deny or ignore the fact that I am transgender. She knew something was wrong for a long time and that my depression was getting markedly worse.
The second person I told was an ER doctor.
The third was a female friend that I have known since I was 18.
Then a therapist, then my parents, the rest of my family, and finally Facebook.
Quote from: Jill F on October 27, 2014, 02:02:11 PM
I told my wife as soon as I came out to myself and could no longer deny or ignore the fact that I am transgender. She knew something was wrong for a long time and that my depression was getting markedly worse.
The second person I told was an ER doctor.
The third was a female friend that I have known since I was 18.
Then a therapist, then my parents, the rest of my family, and finally Facebook.
that button on Facebook is starting to yell at me
Officially: My wife a couple of weeks ago
Unofficially: My mom when she caught me dressing "I want to be a girl!" is what I said, I think. Also my cousins who dressed me up and said I'd look good as a girl, and I agreed.
I say unofficially because the memories are so distant I'm not so sure what happened back then, but I do know I dressed up, was caught and confessed at least once.
My wife practically told me, not the other way around! She mentioned one night that I might not really be a guy from her observations, and suggested I look into other options (for lack of better phrasing).I started looking, found here and other places, started reading and thinking, and here I am.
One of my closest friends. I was planning on telling a couple of family members at the same time and felt that it would be better to tell someone one-on-one first.
Guess it would have been my best friend my x. Never forget the day, laying in bed hey there Delilah was on the stereo we were having a pretty open conversation (while having sex) and I really never came out and said the word transition or transgender but had spoke of the past where I had was taking mone's for almost 2 years without out a script. She asked if I had the chance and could take them again would you and I replied hell yes. 3 years later she left. Scary to think that she might be the last person I would ever be intimate with :( I miss her and love her still till this day.
My wife has been in on it ever since we met but the first person I actually told was my sister she was shocked at first but after a think it all made sence she has been great and since she loves knitting she makes me clothes which I love .i think it has brought us even closer
Chrissie Rose xxx
My mum, over dinner while watching TV, she knew something was up but never pushed me for anything, that night I just said "mum, I think I should be a girl, I hate being a boy and it doesn't feel right".
She said "oh, well I love you" gave me a kiss and we went back to our TV show. The next day I got home and she told me that she took the day off and got all this info for us
I first told my Mom at about age 14.
As a HS sophomore the second person I told was my best friend, in typing class. He passed me a note that had a P.S. at the end - "Don't worry I won't tell anyone you are a transvestite." I crossed out "vestite" and wrote "sexual" and passed the note back to him. He just smiled and nodded. We are still friends 27 years later.
I told my friend, John. I have known him almost 30 years. We have been colleagues 3 different companies over the years. He was surprised, but after he thought it about it a while, he could kind of see it.
The first person ever ever was a counsellor who I saw for the first time through a natural therapies center back in 1989...she promptly referred me to another counsellor elsewhere who promptly referred me to a shrink who had me seeing an endo after one or two appointments. As for the first non medical therapist type it was probably one of my female friends...not sure which one though. That nugget of memory is buried in the mists of time.
I know when I was little (about 5 or 6) I let it out to my family that I wanted to be a girl. I was ignored. [emoji22]
Fast forward to the present day...
For the past 8 years I've been trying to figure out exactly what to do and fighting to hide my raging disphoria on a daily basis.
I'm March this year I finally couldn't take it anymore and told my best friend, the love of my life - my wife of 20 years. [emoji4]
Now we're working through it together. I'm hoping we can stay together, time will tell.
The first person I had to come out to was myself. That was hard.
Then I needed to work with a therapist and doctors. Most of these handled it well on a professional basis. My Endo I have been seeing for years for diabetes sort of freaked out, but she is OK now.
Then I told my friend I sort of wanted to become my SO. That did not work out very well, but we are still in contact so there is no telling what the future holds.
This can be a REALLY rocky road.
Erin
Quote from: ErinWDK on October 28, 2014, 12:27:32 PM
The first person I had to come out to was myself. That was hard.
Yes, that is the hardest person of all. It took me nearly 10 years of soul searching to do that. But once you do it, your life is never the same. There has been a lot of pain and sadness for me over the last year, but there has also been beauty that I could have never imagined. There are forces trying to pull me back into my old life, but it would mean losing my soul.
Not strictly a person, but my first confession was to my dog. He didn't care. Wagged his tail and licked my face. If only every encounter had been so laid back. Although if anyone else licked my face I would be slightly concerned.
The first person was myself and the second was my now ex wife. The hardest was to myself the rest was way easier :)
Quote from: April Lee on October 28, 2014, 01:26:02 PM
Yes, that is the hardest person of all. It took me nearly 10 years of soul searching to do that. But once you do it, your life is never the same. There has been a lot of pain and sadness for me over the last year, but there has also been beauty that I could have never imagined. There are forces trying to pull me back into my old life, but it would mean losing my soul.
My story is similar. I had a terrible time accepting myself for who I was. I remember
the first time I wrote " I am transsexual" my hand was shaking so bad I could
hardly hold the pen but that was my epiphany moment and afterwards things
slowly got better and my life finally started to make sense.
The first person I told was my therapist about 2 weeks ago and the second person is my best friend a week ago, at first there was a moment of awkward silence and then he said he was shocked but he accepted it and said "what makes you happy ill stand by you" after hearing him say this I have never felt so happy knowing that there was someone who would stand beside me all the way. But for now I'm working up the courage to tell my family and the rest of friends.
Just the post I needed today, have been having a weird day, once again.
Anyways, I actually came out to two of my friends at the same time, last year. I was feeling almost suicidal one night, and ended up writing an email, and deleting it, about 5 times while crying. Ended up finally sending it to the two friends I felt I could trust, but also knew that if things went wrong, I could just block them out.. then I freaked out and realized I couldn't stop the emails at that point, and logged out of my email account afraid of the replies.
The first friend to respond, was pretty much like "Okay... so you are gay?" But other than that he was accepting, and ended up telling me the truth, that his mom thinks I am gay because she found the email, but I guess the whole family is okay with me..
The other friend, whom I barely knew at the time, replied with something like "Its okay, I don't really understand it, but if you truly feel that this is who you are, then I will accept you, and I am sure God will too." Now he is one of the few people I still talk to, the rare times I see other people.
Wish I had saved the exact emails, but this last year has literally been back and forth on if I truly am transsexual, which after finally typing those replies out after over a year, I am pretty certain I am. Don't get why it is so hard to tell my parents though.
The first person I ever told was my girlfriend, she's been amazing about everything and we are still together :)
The first person I told was my best friend, Jessica. We went out for coffee before meeting a couple of friends and we talked for about 2 hours. The first thing she said was "awk Jamieeeee, we can be lesbians together!!", which we kept joking about for the rest of the day haha
She was so great about it and I couldn't have asked for a better reaction from her :) She even started referring to me as she in front of our friends and used female pronouns when we met up with them later, they didn't notice or just shook it off as her being goofy or something.
My best friend who is a cis-woman... after she caught me wearing my cheerleader skirt.
Graham a guy I hooked up with in a bar in early 1979.
I told my Mom at age 5 and that did not go well. At 49 I told an intake social worker and that went extremely well and I used a lot of tissues.
X wife and that went over like a lead balloon.
I'm 17 and the first person I told after myself, was my mother, two weeks ago. She hugged me and we sat down to talk about it, the next day she scheduled an appointment for me to see a therapist.
I told my girlfriend when I was 27, and she promptly talked me out of it; we broke up a few years later, and I waited until I was 35 to start the process. Iwas engaged at the time, and I came to the realization that I would ultimately transition, so I decided to breakup with my fiancé, so she wouldn't have to go through it.
The first person I told after having come to terms with the fact I'm trans is a friend of mine named Cece.
Mariah
It was in September 2012 and was a female friend of mine - the only non-work related friend I had at the time. She is much younger than I am and I was so afraid of what she would think of me, but I need not have feared as she was not in the least bit shocked. I guess she knew I was somewhat different. She readily accepted me as a woman and we spent a week on holiday traveling together in Scotland. Whilst there she did some make-up on me most nights and she helped me with buying womens clothes. Telling her and her acceptance of me was a most liberating and joyful experience.
My best friend of most of my life, because I already knew she was very lgbT friendly. T capitalized for emphasis. She was excited and happy for me because long ago she had talked about a tg friend going through transition and I was curious back then, so she wasnt TOOOOOOO shocked.Ironically, she is happy now that her best friend IS a girl, since she always wanted more girls as friends but kept attracting male friends. Best of both worlds for the both of us.
Now I just wish I'd been more...forward with my curious it those years ago - I'd have transitioned then if I knew what I do now.
just a random woman on the phone who could pass me through to a psychiatrist :D
she was sweet.
then i told some people online, and also to whoever follows my youtube.
i have yet to tell my family and friends but i know they will be accepting. its just that im not comfortable coming out until i am comfortable with myself yknow.
The first person I told was a female friend and I actually gave her permission to tell my sister which she did. But my sisters only response whatever he (I was sad she said he) chooses is his choice. It's funny that turned out to be a false start at my transition. This time my Therapist was the firdt to know and I am confident I will finally go all the way through surgery.
The first person I told, was an friend at work, who has a cousin who's ftm. Her response was, "I'm not surprised!".
Of course, I did drop hints here and there. :-)
My ex-partner brought it up with *me* :~o
I guess she connected the dots ...
A gay guy I was friends with in High School.
That was an enormous mistake, he didn't keep my secret and he did it solely to hurt me.
I told my best friend and soul mate.. she's still my best friend, and I joke that I wish I were lesbian because we're perfect for each other minus not being physically attracted in any way. lol!
One of my long time friends I've known since Jr high.
A queer former coworker who had moved to another city. We weren't super close friends but I knew she would be supportive because she was cool about my asexuality. Also there would be less risk of accidental outing if she wasn't in daily conversation with people who knew me. I sent her updates every week or two.
the first person I told it to was a gay friend haha he took it well, but when I saw him again he was into me and it was odd hahaha
That person that had always presented me with many many problematic situations, that person other people made me into. Dani
Actually it was a professional gaming group I was part of I think 4 years or so ago. After that it was my boyfriend who I met online under the pretext I was a normal woman but he's been with me for 3 years now and we're still together. The first person though that I told in person was actually my first girlfriend whom I lost my virginity to. I didn't tell her till a couple years ago we've been friends for many years after our relationship but I only just told her a couple years ago and since then we've been like sisters. Since then it's kinda been blossoming from there with chance and careful planning. My mom asked if I was gay last year so I spilled the beans and then I told my sister who bought me a cardigan sweater for Christmas and I love it. Oh and I told my biological father who wanted to talk to me last year, and I essentially slapped him in the face over the phone with his neglect and total absence my entire life and then threw the icing on the cake that I'm not his son I'm his daughter, he actually took it surprisingly well but as usual I won't hear from again for another 10 years I bet.
First person? Apart from you here at Susan's, the first person I told was my wife. Then it was HR at work, a few coworkers, then a couple friends, then my parents.
First person I ever told my 'secret' was to my oldest friend in the world. I was about 11ish? She was about 14ish? Under the lemon trees picking lemons. She was raised female as was I and I asked her about the rumors. I'll never forget the words she said "You are like me too??". voila! a sisterhood was born. My mom always told me I was a girl as far back as I can remember -- so officially speaking, she told me :-)
I would have to say my wife knew and quietly accepted me as trans before I could handle it myself. Like so many here, I was the one that needed to accept myself before any meaningful change could occur. I recall working with a local support group and therapist, sitting there with a beard, in my former male persona, I cried and could barely get it out--"i know what i look like but it's not really who i am." It became easier and easier and astonished me with how accepting most people really are. Prior to these experiences I felt that i could look out through eyes that were mine but no one could see in and my body was an ugly lumpy shell that merely housed my unspoken and tormented contradictions.
Years later, life is so much better! What a relief to feel so free.
My wife. It was very very hard but liberating to me. It was really the start of my path to self acceptance.
I first told my cousins when I was 7 I wanted to be a girl, but I didn't really understand it. They laughed at me, so the next person I told was a friend in college.
On rethinking this I have to say it was the boy down the street when I was 5 or 6 who was kind of like my first boy friend . we were playing in my backyard on my swing set just talking and I told him I wore my sister clothes all the time. I don't know if it technically counts , but that was the first time.
Yeah I'm rethinking this too and I'd have to say one of my dads cousins who used to let me dress up lol
My then (2007) long term g/f was the first person I ever confessed feeling I was born in the wrong body to. She was actually really good about it. I'd worn some of her clothing and make-up when we'd go out to goth clubs and so forth, so I'm guessing it wasn't too much of a shock. We broke up a few years later, but for reasons that had nothing to do w/ gender.
However, this wasn't the start of me learning to accept myself. I kept trying to run from myself for another 6 years.
The first person that I told that I was trans and going to do something about it was one of the members of my old band. That was almost exactly a year ago. He was and still is really supportive of me.
First? Myself!
Then my Wife, Therapist, Family, Friends, The rest. :)
My best friend and he's been completely supportive
The first person in the meatspace I told was my mom.
I did tell some people on the interwebs first however.
The first person i told was the best friend i have ever had and she is also my sister,
and to my surprise she was very supportive right away and wants to be there
with me for my entire transition
now she understands why her clothes were never where she left them when we were kids lol
I told my two best friends, who are a couple.
Besides a therapist my wife was the first person I told. It was the right person to tell. I recently told a close friend of my wife who is lesbian. She was super supportive, and knowing her own battle with coming out, she was the right choice. She isn't going to out me to the rest of the world, and at this point, I don't care if she does.
The 1st person I told was a best friend during my teens
I told my best friend at the time who is now currently my boyfriend. He was cautious at first but tool it well, and apparently took quite the liking to my new self expression.
I told my fiancé when I was 27 but I didn't try to transition for the sake of our relationship; we broke up when I was 32, then I met another woman about a year later, and we got engaged the following year, then I came to the realization that transition was inevitable for me, so I broke up with her. I started the transition process when I was 35, and my therapist was the first person I came out to since telling my first fiancé, and the next person I told was my mom.
my therapist was the first or actually it was the on duty overnight psychiatrist at the hospital psyche ward
My best friend who later came my room Mate.
She was super supportive, she actually encouraged me to explore my femininity.. she found my therapist.. and she supported me when i started hrt.. she was even there when I got SRS.
She basically taught me how to be woman.. I got fashion advice from her such dressing for the occasion, she taught me to apply makeup properly, how to walk in heels and even how to paint my nails.. This gave me a lot of confidence to go out in public and to be one of the girls.. she told me.. act like a woman and the world will treat you like one... there are many types of woman in the world.. and they come in all shapes and sizes..
She even took me to get my ears pierced..
without her.. well I would never had the courage to even speak to a therapist.. never mind HRT or SRS.... I would have still being a guy that loved pantyhose and skirts who is shy.. not the confident woman I am today
I told one of my long time friends who I've known since Jr high. He is very supportive and so are his parents.
I told my girlfriend recently, and she has been very encouraging. She says she is a little overwhelmed sometimes. I am travelling for work now, and she likes it when I send her pictures ;)
My wife was the first person I told when I knew I was trans.
About 20 years before, I had told two previous girlfriends and my wife (then gf) about sincerely wishing I could be female, but at that point I was so far from being able to take it seriously that it hardly counts.
The upside was that it was really easy to tell my wife, because she has been instrumental in my coming to terms with myself. She's probably almost more comfortable with this than I am, and is a constant source of support.
The first person I told was my brother. I remember texting him and then sending him a long text about it and he called me and told me he loved me and that he would be there for me the whole way, and he really has been. I told a couple of friends and all of them were really supportive as well and I haven't really lost anyone due to this reason so far which I am extremely thankful for. I haven't come out to anyone on my mom's side of the family but most of my dad's side knows and said they're supportive even though I never talk to them. It took my mom a little to understand it but after having a 4am talk where we talked in depth about a lot of stuff she said that she understood she, along with my brother and my closest friends, have become my rocks and I couldn't be more grateful to them.
My wife.
The first one I told was Mr. Winky, he popped up and gave me a hard look, I told him he'd have to stop doing that, he's been a bit bent ever since