Just about a week after surgery, sitting on my couch I thought it would be useful to share my experience so far.
On day one, I was given a sleeping tablet before I was wheeled into the operating room. I climbed unto the surgeons table, a very narrow steel bench and they stretched out my arms. I was as calm as calm could be. The anesthesiologist had a huge syringe and emptied it into a vein in my arm. He said: "You may feel it creep up your arm", I wanted to reply that I did not feel anything, but I was already gone before I could utter these words. It is that fast. It was the best sleep I ever had. When I woke up in a separate room I knew exactly where I was. As if I experienced missing time. To my surprise, I had no headaches, wasn't nauseous. Mentally I felt even better than before surgery. But then the pain hit me. Oddly, my feet hurt the most. I asked for morphine, and it was promptly administered with a syringe. But it did nothing for me.
I was not impressed with morphine. Yes, it dulled the pain, but I still felt pain. After two days on morphine, I got nauseous and itches over my entire body. From day two I got over the counter painkillers. They worked better than the morphine, in my opinion. They also gave me a kind of morphine-like tablet. Giving me the wildest dreams and hallucinations. I kinda liked it. I am an artist, so it was very inspiring. I do not remember the name of this tablet, but it was wild.
Well, after that I lay on my back for most of the time. My back felt like it was run over by a monstertruck. It was even worse then the genital wound, which was merely a kind of dull beacon of pain. I was not allowed to sleep on my sides. And since I never sleep on my back, this was the worst ordeal for me.
Every night they gave me shots to prevent Thrombosis. They also installed little inflatable shoes around my feet, that pumped pressurized air against the soles of my feet. 24/7. It provided pressure so that the blood was forced from my feet to the genital area, providing extra bloodflow and preventing thrombosis due to stale blood in the legs. That machine drove me nuts, and it was turned off 3 days later. I did turn it off myself a few times, because it was just madness. It would be a proper torture device.
I got the drains, catheter, packaging and tubes removed after 5 days. What can I say? I think it is hard to describe what that feels like. I did not feel the drains being removed, was a tickling sensation. The removal of the packaging was a weird experience. Not painful at all. I think the only jolt of pain came from the catheter removal. But it was short and doable. I was glad that catheter was out because it was my nemesis for 5 days. It gave me the most pain, which later was explained due to excessive swelling.
Few hours later, the catheter went back in because I could not pee. It will be removed next week.
I mobilized quickly, and I think it aided in my speedy recovery, besides the catheter issue. The area looks good so far. I was discharged and immediately went for a delicious sandwich. I was sick and tired of mashed hospital food. Food, that I would not even feed my dog. (if I had one)
I went to a store to buy lady supplies. I walked around many other woman, and for the first time I felt like a complete woman. Solely due to the SRS!!! I did not feel awkward anymore. It was so liberating!!! that thing is gone, and I am complete, woman, and that's that!
I boarded my train, and went home. When I walked to my frontdoor, I cried. It felt so good to be home...
Congratulations pinkcloud, and thank you for sharing your experience. I'm not a big fan of morphine either; after my FFS I was connected to a pain pump, where all I had to do was press a button, and it released a dose of Dualidid that was quick acting and very efficient. When I went to Thailand for a BA and some other procedures; the nurse gave me a shot of morphine while I was in recovery, which was inefficient, and the Dr. prescribed Tramadol for me for the rest of my stay, and that medicine didn't relieve the pain adequately either.
I previously was under the impression that morphine would be a big deal. I imagined it a bit like a heavy narcotic where you would be in bliss/peace, since they give it to terminal patients. It was none of that. My mind was as clear as a bell, it only took the edge off a bit no matter the dose. Felt the same as regular painkillers with sideeffects like itching in places you can't reach. I took about 6 times pressing the button on the pump before it got to work. Weird.
Maybe Fentanyl would have worked better. There are Fentanyl patches they are about 100 times stronger than morphine.
Continuing...
First day at home. Slept in my own bed. Felt great. I put a pillow between my legs and that really helped to relieve the pressure when lying sideways. I still have issues getting up from lying down. It is slow getting up. Walking is fine. Sitting on a hard chair is a problem. I can kneel, and also put on my own shoes and clothes. I'm currently on my couch with my laptop. I woke up fresh and a bit of pain. The shower was great, but it drained my energy. I already had a nap. It seems I feel more tired than yesterday. Maybe I pushed it too far yesterday...
I can make my own food, which is great. I think I will be on the couch for a few more days. I can't sit on my desk chair yet. So yeah, it seems to go well. I still take 1 grams of paracetamol every 4 hours, 4 grams/day max. It does the job and takes the edge off. Checked my own blood pressure and it was 127/74, perfect.
I want to go to the pharmacy and grocery store today. But not sure if I can manage both. I live alone, so I have no help. But that is fine, I manage. Step by step we will finish the journey.
I have found that morphine does absolutely nothing for pain. Seeing weird things that don't exist, that it is good at.
I really dislike painkiller. When I had my FFS surgery I think they started me off with morphine. I honestly can't remember much of anything and it's a feeling I really dislike. So one time the nurse is coming by and I said no. Then they offered my pain killers and I said no. Then after a while Dr Brassard comes in and tells me I need to take something to keep the pain under control. I told him that I just don't like this half-in half-out conscious state. So he gave me something much milder that I took for a couple of days and stopped taking it.
A few years later I was back there again for my SRS surgery and I was in the hospital bed with a morphine drip machine and never once did I push the button. A few days later he comes by and comments that I must have a very high tolerance for pain. I just said no I have a very low tolerance for pain killers. I also managed to get by on this with very light pain killers as well. I honestly don't remember feeling a lot of pain from my SRS, but that's me.
When I had my boob job in thailand a few years later and lower jaw rework, all I can say is, that hurt, a lot. The breasts far more than having my jaw wired shut. That was when I finally relented and took pain killers to keep myself relatively comfortable. I'm so glad that all of that is in the distant past now.
Glad to hear I am not the only one responding like that to morphine...
Managed to get out today. Walked to the grocery store, not too far away. Walking was fine. Carrying around and reaching groceries, not so much. Had to ask a clerk to get a carton from the floor shelf, sure ma'am! hehe... I am getting there... people don't see that you've just undergone major surgery, so they walk like crazy and bump into you if you are not careful. That was the most frustrating. When I got back I was floored. I underestimate the lethargy this surgery brings. Now I wonder how in the Hell I managed to get back home from the hospital with all these bags and a two hour train ride. I guess that was too much and my body is now claiming it's toll. Back on the couch, for now... got a carton of cranberry juice, just to be sure in case of catheter infection.
Hope it's not too boring, but posting here really helps me to get my mind of the pain and healing, as I have no one to talk to and little to do. This forum really helps me to collect myself slowly.
9 days after surgery, second day home.
That catheter bothers me to no end. Last night I felt I was peeing needles and razorblades, and also got bladder cramps, not uncommon with Foley catheters that must stay inside for 7 days. I also almost fainted from the pain it brought. It was that sharp. To date the most pain I felt. No one warned me of this, so I got an anxiety attack for free. All the pain comes from the catheter, if I didn't had it would do mighty fine I guess, since nothing else really hurts. Had a shower just now, and used the shower head to clean the area, doesn't hurt one bit. The clitoris is somewhat sensitive, but I can still brush some water over it without pain.
Got a bit of cold chills, maybe slight fever the last few days, but nothing serious. My anxiety attacks don't present themselves that often. I guess because of the joy I experience. I feel pain and joy at the same time. It is really strange, but the joy overpowers all the pain in the world. No more anti-androgens makes my mind more at peace. That stuff is pure poison, just like T is poison. The T factories are closed down and the workers are fired, without benefit. That shall teach them!
Today I go for a walk at the pharmacy, I need to get my antibiotics. I swallow antibiotics since unpacking. After that I will probably feel too tired and will recline on my couch for the day. We'll see. I take it day by day. I'm not in a rush.
The walk to the pharmacy turned out to be a huge undertaking. It is about a 1 mile walk. On the way back I bought some new groceries and went back walking slowly. I think I can manage walking 3 miles max. But I would not try it yet. I was used to walking 6-8 miles a day before surgery. Still walking 1 mile on day 9 is something to be very careful with. Overall it is doable though, even with a stingy catheter. I tried some mindfulness in accepting the pain. It seems to work. Distraction is the best painkiller... life = pain, suffering is optional...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hAcfqSFra5o
Hi there!
Forgive me, but I'm going to very blunt, you're crazy! Walking that sort of distance with a cathether still inserted is just inviting trouble, at minimum further inflammation of an area that was apparently already in poor shape, at worse, an infection you can certainly do without.
You really do need to be kind to your very body right now as it has taken a pretty massive hit and no matter how fit you were before the surgery, you have to allow yourself time to recover.
If you do that, given your pre-surgery fitness, you can effectively expect to be back on your feet very quickly. However you simply can't skip the different stages in your recovery and expect it will pass. Until your cathether comes out, you should not be moving very much and even afterwards, to avoid putting too much stress on your stiches before your skin has had time to heal, you should ramp up on walking very progressively.
I am just 10 weeks post-op myself and enjoyed a totally trouble free recovery. Like you apparently, I keep myself very fit and hate not getting exercise. However, I basically followed the instructions I was given and am sure that contributed a lot to how well the whole thing went. Now I can already do quite physical activity (fast walking, roller-blading, floor exercises...) but held back until I was absolutely sure I could do these things without doing any damage.
Take care!
Donna
Agreed, but I have no-one. I have to get out and get my medicine and food myself. It sucks, but it's okay. I bought enough food before surgery, but I always forget something and I have to get it.
Quote from: PinkCloud on October 30, 2014, 07:19:44 AM
Agreed, but I have no-one. I have to get out and get my medicine and food myself. It sucks, but it's okay. I bought enough food before surgery, but I always forget something and I have to get it.
No taxis in your part of the world?
I am unclear how and why you have been released from the hospital with a catheter still inserted? My surgeon will not release me from the ward with a urinary catheter
Quote from: Cindy on October 30, 2014, 07:53:25 AM
I am unclear how and why you have been released from the hospital with a catheter still inserted? My surgeon will not release me from the ward with a urinary catheter
Not so, for me. I was released after 3 days with a catheter still in. I was 7 days post-op when I went to the surgeon's office and she removed it.
In the past I had a different unrelated surgery and had a urinary issues. I ended up in the ER where they inserted a catheter and sent me home. A urologist later removed it in his office. I don't know where OP's surgeon is, but in our country it's S.O.P. to be sent home with a catheter.
@Donna
Don´t have much money left... just enough for food.
@Cindy
I got the catheter reinserted because I could not pee. Apparently there sits a 2 inch hematoma on my right labia minora. It is almost black and still swollen as it blocks the entire entrance including the pee hole. So I cannot dilate yet.
I think I will stay home for a couple days, and take some more rests.
Quote from: suzifrommd on October 30, 2014, 08:28:56 AM
Quote from: Cindy on October 30, 2014, 07:53:25 AM
I am unclear how and why you have been released from the hospital with a catheter still inserted? My surgeon will not release me from the ward with a urinary catheter
Not so, for me. I was released after 3 days with a catheter still in. I was 7 days post-op when I went to the surgeon's office and she removed it.
In the past I had a different unrelated surgery and had a urinary issues. I ended up in the ER where they inserted a catheter and sent me home. A urologist later removed it in his office. I don't know where OP's surgeon is, but in our country it's S.O.P. to be sent home with a catheter.
OK thanks for that. Sounds ---- brutal!!
Quote from: PinkCloud on October 30, 2014, 08:30:15 AM
@Donna
Don´t have much money left... just enough for food.
@Cindy
I got the catheter reinserted because I could not pee. Apparently there sits a 2 inch hematoma on my right labia minora. It is almost black and still swollen as it blocks the entire entrance including the pee hole. So I cannot dilate yet.
I think I will stay home for a couple days, and take some more rests.
Hugs. Stay safe.
Goes to show we need proper, correct and urgent medical attention. We are not getting it.
Yes! I finally managed to dilate for the first time. I noticed that the hematoma shrunk so I thought I give it a ago. Well, kinda weird feeling but I don´t find it painful.
I have a set of dilators, the first one went straight it. The second one is diameter 27 mm, length 105 mm went in completely. I think I will start with dilator 2, since it fitted me best. The 3rd and 4th are way too huge.
I have no pain but I will take it slow because of the hematoma. Wow... 10cm already... weird idea. But I am glad that after 9 days, nothing has been grown shut or something. That worried me the most.
Okay, time for a nap.
The set±
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.pelvision.nl%2Fserver%2Ffiles%2Fpelottes_009.jpg&hash=8c16070b8b2b9fa76e66cd6e037482d8bfee3f4a)
size 1, diameter 22 mm, length 85 mm
size 2, diameter 27 mm, length 105 mm
size 3, diameter 32 mm, length 135 mm
size 4, diameter 37 mm, length 160 mm
Quote from: PinkCloud on October 30, 2014, 08:30:15 AM
@Donna
Don´t have much money left... just enough for food.
I think I will stay home for a couple days, and take some more rests.
That's very tough and I really feel for you. No easy solutions when you try to do things under such conditions but if there is anyone at all around you that you can ask for some help, you should certainly consider it. Better to ask, even by calling the pharmacy, rather than taking risks you would be well advised to avoid.
If we had some idea where you actually were, someone might come up with more practical ideas on the sort of assistance you could look for until you can manage better on your own.
Hugs.
Donna
Cindy
Thank you. That is certainly true. I´ve heard that many surgeons will not perform SRS even to this day. There aren´t many. Those who do are our angels. Bless their hearts for helping us, because I can imagine that they think they are operating on a healthy body.
Donna
Thanks Donna, I think you made a great point. I guess I needed that to slow down a bit. Being the impatient creature that I am. :D
I hope you all don't mind me updating this thread? it seems to become a sort of diary. It really helps me to write down my experiences. Hopefully or maybe someone else considering SRS/GRS can read the aftermath of what could happen. The surgery is nothing, it all starts after the surgery. That's where courage and persistence comes into play.
Anyway, I am glad I was able to dilate today. My mood went up a few notches. I was afraid not being able to dilate due to the swelling. I could not see the entrance as well. So I grabbed a bright light, a mirror and went for it. I put it in under an angle of 45 degrees and slowly pushing, then I hold it even/horizontal to my body and push further. I was a bit afraid of pushing... but then I relaxed and it went in slowly and automatically. No turning, just left it there in full length for a bout 10 minutes with my legs closed. That's it. I thought it would be much more work.
After that I got a bowel movement. Sounds odd, but relieving yourself after a SRS/GRS feels great, especially in the days after surgery when the bowels were shut down. Such simple pleasure can really lift my spirit, how weird it may sound. But at least it is working perfectly and that feels great. I also simultaneously opened the catheter valve, otherwise pressure might built up which can push against the catheter. Everything went fine! I look forward till the day without catheter. It would be bliss! This morning I forgot to close the vale of the catheter, and when lying on the couch I peed myself. I didn't even feel it until I felt a cold sensation. Closed the valve and took a shower. Now I take two showers a day, it seems to calm the area when I clean it the showerhead. I spent more towels than I own, so I already machine washed two times by now. Need more towels! Today I also took the antibiotics, they work great. The area seems to calm down...
Similar to yesterday, I just had another bladder cramp due to the catheter. This time it was so heavy that it forced urine around the catheter down to my legs. 3 cramps before it subsided. I did some research online, and it seems that it is common with having an indwelling catheter. The bladder thinks the catheter is a foreign body and wants to push it out with cramps. It cannot do that because there is an inflatable balloon at the end preventing it from being pushed out. Still, the bladder tries once a day, in my case. Before it comes on, I start to sweat and have a slight chill. It lasts about 20-30 seconds max. It feels like you are having a huge fever for 30 seconds. After that I feel fine again. :-\ :laugh:
I do know one thing: if I didn't had these bladder/catheter issues, my SRS recovery would be far easier. I have no pain in the area whatsoever, besides a dull lingering sensation of irritation and rough/nagging sensation. Well, I even manage to do fine with these extra bladder issues. I am determined to heal, and still the joy of having had my SRS overpowers all discomfort.
I'd just like to say thanks for the info and updates. Its truly appreciated.
Owww, the catheter. That brings back memories - even though I only had mine in for the standard time, by the last couple days I was in agony. I was having those sorts of bladder spasms constantly, worse when I emptied it, and the pain was literally at least twice as bad as from the GRS itself. (I had to explain to get the nurses to realize it was not surgical pain, it was the bladder!) I ended up on oxycodone for those two days until they yanked the thing. So I really, really feel for you.
10th day after surgery.
Slept okay, but the area feels somewhat tight. Like it is glued with superglue / hard rough feeling. Not sure if it is the pads or the vagina. I woke up with pain, for 10 days now. Especially when getting up. Having a shower and some paracetamol helps relieve the pain. I feel more tired than yesterday. Strangely, I seem to feel more tired as time passes... I thought it would be the reverse... I guess all my energy is being poured into healing, so it might be a good sign. I woke up at 8 o'clock, took a shower and sat on the couch before I went to bed for another few hours. Way too tired. I try to listen to my body and I do what it asks me. Right now I feel fine. Just had another bowel movement, and it went great. Luckily that functions normally, and since I cannot pee on my own yet, it feels great to have these bowel movements, because I can do them myself. It is weird how the mind works...
Took my antibiotics again, cleaned the area with betadine after the bowel movement and now I am back on my couch. I hope this day will be quite. I live in a busy city with lots of traffic and noise. And how odd? I cannot stand listening to music since I was discharged... Even watching TV seems to be too much. Not sure why. I just want some peace of mind and solitude.
Quote from: PinkCloud on October 31, 2014, 06:05:45 AM
10th day after surgery.
Slept okay, but the area feels somewhat tight. Like it is glued with superglue / hard rough feeling.
This feeling was big and stayed with me until about four months out.
I had another look at my labia minora. I think it formed some necrosis. I read that this can happen in 12% of all cases. It is dark crusty tissues on top of that small labia. Maybe that hematoma is necrosis as well, as it has red skin under it. Bit of a bummer. I could take a pic, but it still looks pretty gross... it seems that this skin is just dying... not sure, not a surgeon. My surgeon didn't say anything, when it was already present. Maybe it is a hematoma, I don't know. But it's big and it probably needs to be drained.
Did my second douche with some betadine. Currently I am dilating. Again, the 2nd one only went it after I used the 1st one. I think I leave it in for half an hour or so. I cannot image having sex right now. Wow, will I ever be able to? Currently it feels like slow torture... :-\
At these times I wish I had someone close to me. I like being alone, but this is pretty brutal to do alone. People around me could not accept my change. While they felt the right to change, and leave me. Should I accept that? probably. It is curious. I have been there for everyone in my life, been with friends and family in their darkest hours, they could always call me or discuss relationship issues and asked nothing in return. Now that I am trans, there is no-one anymore. They know I have had surgery. I did it all by myself. It is something I am proud of. I don't need them. But they make me feel alone. That sucks. But it's okay. One day they might knock on my door, needing my help again. How would I respond? should I give them the same treatment? if I do, I ain't no better than them. But I think I need to let those people go for good. I need them to become strangers, because it hurts too much being still attached.
Sweetie,
I don't know where you live, but it is time to look at moving. If you little in the states, the nw or almost anywhere in cali, Boise ID, Houston, and many, MANY other places have very good lgbt communities that you can find friends and real family.
I'm not overly active on this site, and likely after I heal and get back to the states and manner my final post to my transition story post I'll disappear from here again. But you can always message me on here even if no one else will be there for you, I'm here!!
I'll gladly give you my fb info and or number as well if you need. You're never alone once you find this place!!
Definitely want to move. I trying to save up for it, to get away.
Well, I feel a bit better. Just played my acoustic guitar for the first time in 10 days. I really missed my guitar... If you have the blues, well, then you play the blues! playing the blues makes me happy, it really does. For a short moment I completely forget all the pain when I play the blues. No other kind of music can make me feel this way.
Nothing really interesting to report. Other than I got a bit bored of my couch. I try to sit on my desk chair, it is a hard chair. I could do it but not longer than 15 minutes. So it's no use. I can sit on my couch, no problem. But I rather lie down, or recline a bit. I spent my days with this little laptop, it is the only distraction I have.
Today I made my own food again. From scratch. That also is a good distraction, because if you do not do anything, the only thing you'll noticed is massive soreness and occasional or chronic pain, depending on the situation or time of day. Sitting and doing nothing isn't good at all. I have to keep busy. I do listen to talk radio, because I can't stand listening to music right now. Too intense. Maybe a side-ffect from the anesthetic? I heard some reports from other girls about sunlight issues. I don't have that, but I am sensitive to noises.
I try to do as much as I can myself. I don't think I can clean the house yet. But that is okay. I won't die because of a bit of dust. I still can kneel, but I cannot reach the ground without pain.
More later...
Got a new sensation just now...
I took a shower and dried the area, and when walking it felt if something was bungling? just like the former parts, it almost felt the same. Really weird feeling. It also sensate like an erection of some kind? So I had a look to see if something touches it, but nothing was touching against it. I don't even wear a pad... really strange.
Wow, it is getting weirder by the day. When I look at it, I can't see how this is ever going to look normal. It still is swollen and bruised. My surgeon said it looked good, so did the nurses. I don't understand it, they noticed the hematoma, the black bulging area beneath the labia minora. It is difficult to understand what looks normal and what does not. On monday I visit my surgeon, hopefully he can explain because I do worry quite a bit.
8 am on day 11th, already had a shower. Showers are nice, and keeping the area clean is really important. Especially with the added catheter. I woke up in pain at 3 am, got up and filled a syringe with a betadine solution and sprayed it over the area. It helped to calm the area down, and I could resume my sleep. By waking up, the same feeling returned. The area feels tighter by the day. I notice it especially when I try to close my legs. It feels like something is blocking it tight. Again, this is all new for me. I am not sure what to expect or what to feel. But it definitely does not compare to what I had in mind before surgery. Hopefully it is just complications, swelling and not something permanent. But then again, if it is, I probably have to get used to it.
Just made my breakfast some yogurt with blueberries and oatmeal. Cup of coffee, antibiotics and two painkillers. Let's wait and see what this day brings. Nothing else to report really.
Two more nights before this catheter will be removed.
BTW who did your surgery?
Quote from: Cindy on November 01, 2014, 02:09:01 AM
BTW who did your surgery?
Thanks for the pm. I totally understand.
To others it is very important that PC's anonymity is preserved.
Quote from: Cindy on November 01, 2014, 02:35:38 AM
Thanks for the pm. I totally understand.
To others it is very important that PC's anonymity is preserved.
Good point, Cindy.. And one others around here would do well to learn.
I just had another look at the area. It seems that the darked stuff/hematoma of the labia minora is currently bleeding very, very slowly. This is actually good news, because it means that it is not dead! apparently there is still some blood supply in it. A hematoma is usually drained by a surgeon, but if it slowly bleeds there is no problem with it. It shrinks either way. This hematoma was so large that it blocked my urethra. Last night I tried some new tips for reliving the hematoma. I used cold and hot towels, to press against the area. That promotes the blood flow in the hematoma. I guess it has worked, since it started to become redder. I got another tip today using salt baths. I think I will try it later today. I already had two long naps. They come on unexpected, and the next thing I know I feel incredibly tired. Still my energy levels are high, and I feel optimistic.
I just had my first salty bath, thanks Cindy!
It was the most joyous moment since I was discharged... I filled my bathtub, added a good amount of sea salt and sat in it for about 30 minutes. Wow... pure bliss, pain free, stress free and I got to get a close look at my vag. I look complete, and it feels like it always has been there! never once did I regret nor was I shocked. As if I always was like this! Which I was, in my mind and identity. Yep, confirmed! finally... I can recommend these salt baths. And I am planning to take some more.. It makes up for all the complications and issues and pain I've had so far. I feel reborn. But I do have to be careful not to sit too long in them, because the skin will become soft and this might impact healing. 15-30 min max. Other than that I wish I could sit in it all day! it's that great! it works even better than douching, in my opinion. :laugh:
Truly something to look forward to!
12th day.
I now know why the area is so firm and feels so tight. It is because of the so-called "healing ridges", or "ridge lines". These occur beneath deep stitches and are a healthy sign that your body is working hard beneath the skin. It can lasts weeks to months before this firmness dissolves. Anyway, they say: it is good to have the healing ridges, otherwise your health is bad. It seems to be an indicator of your health status. Interesting...
I resumed my estrogen patches last evening. I was off hormones for a total of 8 weeks until yesterday. 6 before surgery, and 2 after. Did not notice any difference so far. I do notice a change when I quit my anti-androgen. I am far calmer, more clear headed and less depressed.
Other than that, it has been a pretty uneventful day so far. Much the same as yesterday. Tomorrow I see my surgeon again. Can't wait.
Guess what... :D
The catheter is gone! for good. Had an appointment with my surgeon and he pulled it out. Nothing serious, but a bit of bleeding. I am glad it is gone. Bladder cramps/spasms are vicious, I rather have a catheter pulled than a bladder cramp/spasm. After an hour or so, I could pee... wow another new experience... I kinda like it, at first it made a kind of sizzling or hissing sound. hihi... then it went. Not much, but I peed on my own. That small feat made my day and it was worth the tiring 4 hour journey. The surgeon also had a look at the area, and he said: Looks great! hmmm... I guess he sees healing, I see swelling. But I guess he knows best, he did hundreds of girls. I still must carry on with the antibiotics, to prevent bladder infection because of the two week catheter use. He told me to douche the neo vag 1 time a day, not more. And I need to make sure the area isn't damp, as this will slow healing.
Wow... what a journey so far. Now that the catheter is gone, I no longer feel so tired. And I think 75% of all pain and discomfort is gone. :)
Food for thought:
Having SRS/GCS/GRS is a big deal. It it is a major surgery and should only be performed if there is no other alternative. That said, I think it is important to realize, and be thankful for the things you do have, instead of focusing on the things you do not have. Health is so precious, and I took a massive risk undergoing SRS with complications as a result. I heard that some people need to catheterize themselves 4-6 times a day, for months, years or the rest of their lives. I cannot even imagine the suffering they go through. I keep them in my prayers while I realize how grateful I should be to be in relative good health.
I don't take any of this for granted.
Quote from: PinkCloud on November 03, 2014, 12:10:50 PM
Food for thought:
Having SRS/GCS/GRS is a big deal. It it is a major surgery and should only be performed if there is no other alternative.
My experience is different. I easily could have gone without. Still, I'm thrilled I got it. Of course I haven't had any major complications, but even if I had, I think I'd still be glad I got it. When I was making up my mind, I had to ask myself if I'd still want it even if I knew something badly would go wrong. I had to say that I did.
But I can't say, by any stretch, that there was no other alternative. I was thrilled living as a non-op woman.
I was just the wrong shape.
14 days past.
And I am not out of the woods yet. I can urinate, but it comes in short bursts, ranging from 1-4 seconds max. Not a steady flow by any means. I think the bladder muscles has weakened a bit after 14 days of catheter pleasure. The bladder might become lazy after such time. I must keep an eye on urine retention, so I write down every toilet visit and measure it.
Here are my results so far:
November 3rd:
16:00 - 23:00 - 40cc - no urge
November 4th:
01:00 - 01:15 - 100cc - urge, and woke me up
02:30 - 02:45 - 30cc - no urge, woke up.
08:00 - 08:10 - 250cc - urge, awake.
Based on the results I might be retaining urine. But I can only be sure by having a bladder scan. I'll keep a close eye on how everything progresses. 250cc is good volume, and also an average amount of one toilet visit. The human bladder can can usually contain 400-650cc, but it can stretch to well over 2000cc. But that isn't healthy, and might damage the muscles. The bladder is a delicate organ and it doesn't like to be messed with. And one definitely doesn't want bladder issues for the rest of your life.
If your bladder problems don't resolve themselves then this blog post might be helpful.
http://sifansjourney.com/2014/10/31/surgery-in-thailand-part-5-complications/
Good luck with it.
The site mainly discusses a UTI. I am on antibiotics for 3 weeks to prevent it. Hopefully they work.
Well, just had another visit to the bathroom, and got another 150cc. Since I woke up 4 hours ago, I only drank one cup of coffee. So it sounds about right. Peeing went easier as well. I guess it works as it should work. It is liking peeing for the first time as a child. Similar idea like potty training. ;D it might be psychological as well. The sensation is definitely different than I was used to. It is all about relaxation and just letting go...
About dilation...
My surgeon advised to use almond oil as lube, instead of regular lube. The almond oil is also beneficial to healing skin, and you do not have to clean the neo vag after dilation. He said I only may clean once a day, or else it will impact healing. Well, I tried it with almond oil and it went fine! I got the 3rd dilator in with just the oil. So it seems to work. As for depth, I think I reached 15cm for now. I'm already fine with that. Now I dilate two times a day, and I don't feel anything but a slight discomfort when I hold it in for too long. My surgeon said do NOT rotate, just let it slide in, and close your legs for 20-30 minutes and then remove it. It isn't a big deal actually, just have to make time for it, that's all.
Quote from: suzifrommd on November 03, 2014, 01:36:28 PM
My experience is different. I easily could have gone without. Still, I'm thrilled I got it. Of course I haven't had any major complications, but even if I had, I think I'd still be glad I got it. When I was making up my mind, I had to ask myself if I'd still want it even if I knew something badly would go wrong. I had to say that I did.
But I can't say, by any stretch, that there was no other alternative. I was thrilled living as a non-op woman.
I was just the wrong shape.
I feel the same way as you do. However, I am not sure I would have gone through with it if it meant that I would be catheterize myself for the rest of my life. I do not know if I was willing to pay that price. I knew the real risk of incontinence, and that did not stop me either. But having gone through a complication with the fear of permanent catheter, I might have regretted the surgery to some extend. Yeah, it is difficult to say anything about it. We never know how things will work out. Having SRS/GCS/GRS is a huge risk in itself, and we are willing to take the risk just to be ourselves.
I am glad everything is going well for me now, I feel blessed and grateful for having had the opportunity to have it done. And that is what keeps me going forward.
Being at 14 days, I think I will taper down my forum posts in this thread. I probably only update it when I have new complications or other discoveries. So far, I managed to withstand all the complications and pain it brought me. Since today I am also off paracetamol, so no more painkillers. Don't need them. I only feel a bit sore, and that is about it. I don't feel tired, but I am quicker tired. Especially when doing groceries. I am still living on my couch as I cannot sit on hard chairs.
Well, it finally begins to sink in. I now find myself without much pain, and it really begins to dawn what happened. I hadn't had the peace of mind to fully grasp it until now when everything slowly turns to "normal". I am proud of myself and the strength it took to pull myself through this, alone, besides this forum of course. This wish of having a SRS was so strong that I somehow managed to pull through everything I experienced. You can do anything if you really want it.
So the question is simply: how bad did you want it? This bad! :)
Well, everything is fine so far. Not much to report. :)
So far, I had pain and issues for 14 days, including complications. The area is still a bit sore, but it calmed down. Also, the swelling has gone down a bit, and the hematoma seems to dissolve slowly. Some yellow fibrin and some necrosis dissolved also. The necrosis was superficial so no real damage. It is slow, but it gets better by the day. Which also means that peeing gets better by the day. Still another week on antibiotics. I still feel tired often, but that was to be expected. But overall, I seem to do fine so far.
I would like to thank you for the support I got on the forum, and thank you for your attention. It has been a great help being able to share my story. I t pulled me through some difficult moments.
A short update of things...
I am on day 21 post-op. Currently I am not taking antibiotics anymore, and I feel great so far. Last Sunday I went for a walk to our local park, I could make it, but became too tired to walk it completely and made a short turn and went back. In all, it was a 3 mile walk. It's hard to predict when I am getting tired. One day I feel fine, but an hour later I climb into bed and take a 1 hour nap.
Today I cleaned my house a bit. I even managed to vacuum clean my bedroom and living room. But it was difficult, and got tired quickly. I can mange to do groceries, it works out well. Overall, I can do what I want but I have to be careful not to stretch it. Never knew vacuum cleaning was so intense for the body. You use a lot of muscles. But I am fine, I stop when my body tells me. I am still on my couch most of the time. I did manage to sit on a hard desk chair, but not for long.
The area has calmed down quite a bit, but there is still signs of fibrinous material that needs to dissolve. Especially on the labia. The fibrinous material is yellow necrose, dead tissue that is sloughing off the wounds. It takes weeks for the body to get rid of it. It sucks, but there is nothing I can do but wait. My surgeon said it can take 4 tot 6 weeks before it starts to get better.
I did not use any painkillers after day 14. The area can be sore, but it is usually tight and pulls a bit, especially in the morning. It is the stitches and the labia that create this sensation. Sometimes I feel little stings, like needle stings, I guess these are the nerves reconnecting? Doesn't hurt, it's just awkward.
Dilating goes well, and I am maintaining my given depth. I currently dilate two times a day, and it works best for me. No sign of any narrowing or closure. In fact, it becomes easier by the day. Sometimes I can even dilate without using my oils. So it works out well so far.
Other than that, sometimes I wake up and think I am still in the hospital. Then realizing I am safe at home in my own bed and room. :laugh:
I have nothing notable to post in this thread anymore, but looking back on my transition I did notice a few things.
Since day one I told my therapist I would jump on the surgeons table yesterday if they would let me. She would not believe me. I heard stories from other girls who doubted their choice for SRS right up to the surgeons table. It wasn't like that for me. Not one time did I doubt. I never doubted who I was. Surgery was a way to get there, nothing more. I was being wheeled into the surgeons theater with the biggest grin I could produce. The nurses probably thought I was euphoric from the sleeping tablet I got 15 minutes earlier. But I was just happy. I thanked everyone in the surgeons theater for saving my life, moments before they injected the anesthesia.
From the moment I saw my new parts I instantly thought that I had them all my life. I did not had to get used to it. It felt right the moment I held my mirror up to it. As if I awoke from a bad dream, a nightmare, living decades as a male. I can't even remember how my old bits looked like. Isn't that weird? I really cannot imagine having my old parts. I now wonder how I managed all these years living with the parts. Just unthinkable now that I have had surgery. This is me, and whilst still sore and unsightly, I am becoming me.
I too, had heard stories of people who changed their mind as they were wheeled into surgery. I had doubt up until going under. I mean how could I know how it would feel to have a female bottom?
It's only post-op that all doubt has been removed. The further post-op, the more sure I am.
Been 27 days so far.
The healing is definitely speeding up now. It is amazing to see how the body can heal wounds, wounds where one thinks are so messed up, that it will never look any good. One can always trust on the body, it never seems to fail to protect and heal even the worst wounds. From black necrosis, to large (yellow) fibrine tissue sloughing near the labia minora is almost gone, and fresh granulation (red/pink) tissue becomes visible. Other small wounds have healed, especially around the stitches. The area still pulls a bit when walking, but nothing major to worry about. It is just uncomfortable at times. My energy levels seem to come back, albeit slowly. 3 weeks so far and I am doing fine. In another 3 weeks I will be even better.
It has been 4 weeks to the day.
So far it is getting better. The area isn't sore anymore, and all tiny wounds have healed nicely. These wounds were drain wounds, small tears due to dilating, and labia minora wounds around stitches. The only visible wound left is on the labia minora which is granulating right now. So overall, it has been a fine recovery so far. No bleeding at all, and dilation is fine too. Last week I visited my surgeon for the 2nd time after surgery. He had a look inside with the speculum, and told me that it looks great, and that I should "keep doing what I am doing", because it seems to work. I did not tell him that I read some materials about woundcare and applied it. That definitely speed up healing for me.
Since today I did not even notice the area for the most part, forgot it most of the day, so it seems to become normal. Also, I do not see any traces of stitches, they are all gone. Swelling has gone down considerably, and it looks quite healthy.
My next appointment is in 6 weeks.
Bit depressed over the last few days... besides the usual annoyances at home and neighbors, I had another complication: some hypergranulation on the labia minora that needs to be cauterized with silvernitrate. Not looking forward to it actually. It feels like I am wounded, and still not healing. The granulation wants to close or fuse the labia minora, so I have to pull them apart twice a day, otherwise it will grow shut which means I have to go back to my old friend the catheter, and that would be a major setback. It has become high maintenance and it frustrates me. It just sucks.
Did a lot of thinking too. The surgery wasn't a big deal. Pain for two weeks, it's nothing. If you can stand electrolysis for two years, SRS was a joke when I compare it. I am also thinking about my life and what I want. It seems I am done, but it doesn't feel that way. Socially there is some massive work to be done. I am a loner, and maybe that is part of who I am. I don't know. I also don't like people very much. I always want to be left alone, as I had too many bad experiences with people. The usual trust no one mantra... too many bad people hurt me, sexually, physically and mentally, including my own family. Anyway, what is next? I thought about FFS, but I really care less right now. I do not think I can do another surgery...
Some things are just unfixable... the vase has shattered, and while I can glue the pieces together, the cracks will always be visible.
Quote from: PinkCloud on November 27, 2014, 06:15:52 PM
Did a lot of thinking too. The surgery wasn't a big deal. Pain for two weeks, it's nothing. If you can stand electrolysis for two years, SRS was a joke when I compare it.
PC, I agree with this completely.
I hope your healing gets back on track and you can get back to enjoying your new body.
Thank you for sharing your story, it was very interesting to me. I would have my surgery with no second thoughts, if I had the money to take time off work to fully recover. I am finally on HRT and figure I should be ready for surgery when I am 40 or so. Not really ideal but better late than never. I am worried about dealing with everything on my own like you, as I am a bit of a loner as well.
5 1/2 weeks, approaching the 6th week soon since surgery.
Today, I could sit on my desk chair like I always did. Lots of improvement on sitting. Managed to sit in the surgeons waiting room as well. Granulation is still present. Peeing is fine, but since it is healing it still goes all over the place, depending on many factors. Which also results in a stingy anus when it's washed with urine. Maybe too much info, but who knows, maybe it helps others. I try to be as factual and accurate as I can be. I do not notice the area much anymore. Sometimes the occasional jab and stab, nerves reconnecting. The neo clit is especially sensitive when I lay down, it seems to engorge and I get this typical feeling I also had with the glans, as if the clit wants to get erect with blood. It is not the same, but it seems a female version of it, much less but I do have to get used to it. It seems to have a mind of it's own, especially when laying down. I do not feel any libido, so it probably is the brain / parasympathetic nervous system (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parasympathetic_nervous_system) * / Bulbospongiosus muscle (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bulbospongiosus_muscle), trying to figure out what this shortcut is all about, and pushes blood to the neo clit to see what it does and hopefully it will remap the nerves. Or maybe it is normal. Some say it is. I do not know, cannot tell. I trust it is normal.** I do not get any phantom tissue issues. I mistake them for the PC muscle and the clit engorgement.
I said my couch goodbye today. As I wasn't a couch potato to begin with, I spend at least 4 weeks on my couch for the most part. Currently I am shifting back to my desk. And it works out fine. Can sit without any problems. So that is a good sign. Next week I go and visit my surgeon again, just be sure/clear on the complications I got.
Now that I am getting better each day, I think a lot about my life and future. About what I want... that isn't fully clear yet. I got a blank slate in many ways, and now I don't know yet what to draw on it...
*Another role that the parasympathetic nervous system (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parasympathetic_nervous_system) plays is in sexual activity. In males, the cavernous nerves from the prostatic plexus stimulate smooth muscles in the fibrous trabeculae of the coiled helicene arteries to relax and allow blood to fill the corpora cavernosum and the corpus spongiosum of the penis, making it rigid to prepare for sexual activity. (...) ** In the female, there is erectile tissue analogous to the male yet less substantial that plays a large role in sexual stimulation.
I haven't told my experience in the hospital yet, maybe it's nice to write something about it.
A patient next to me, was a cis woman in her fifties. As I was nursed on at general plastic surgery care, I was the only transwoman. On day 3 the woman was wheeled next to me. Not long after that a doc came to her bed to bring the bad news: "I am sorry to say, but we found cancer. And we need to start radiation therapy soon". Just one sentence changed everything for this woman. She said next: "I quit smoking 17 days ago". The doc said: "It is just too late.". When I heard that, I thought: I quit about a year ago. Another incentive to stay smoke free. This is the cold and brutal REALITY, not some philosophical BS. It is something to remember when I ever feel the urge, which I luckily do not feel yet.
At one point I was able to get out of bed, and wandered around the hallways. I met a woman, she was like me just out of bed. She had breast reconstruction. One breast had cancer, and she wanted to reconstruct her breast. She asked why I was here. I told her: "I had a sex reassignment". She would not believe me... she said: "I thought you were a woman all along.", which was a nice remark. We talked about surgery and things, and about being trans. Then she said: "You have beautiful breasts!". Aw, so sweet... which reminds me to be thankful for having healthy breasts of my own. I thought: only have surgery when there is no other alternative. My breasts are fine, they're a full B cup and I do not need surgery on them. Look at this woman, who was missing a breast...
Furthermore, all the nurses said I look good. Some said I pass very well. Some were also amazed when I told them that sometimes I was still being called "sir". The thing is, people that knew you, don't see it. New people never saw you, and will never assume you were something else. Another lesson in passing and self-confidence. All in all, an experience to remember.
Last week was a week of extreme opposites... but ending in a romantic and intimate weekend! :angel: read on... if you dare!
I'm in my sixth or seventh week, I don't even recall anymore. Things have settled down much more than I expected. Swelling is completely gone, the neo vag simply sunk into the curves of my body. I even think I can ride a bicycle again, although I am afraid to try. Still, the last couple of days were a bit depressing. Post-op depression? or am I just tired of all of it? I don't know, but things did not feel good. On Friday evening things changed. An ex-boyfriend rang the doorbell. I hadn't seen him in, oh, one year? I was glad to see him again. It didn't take long before I was lying in his arms on my couch, a little kissing too, near the candlelight.
We talked about many things, and we also talked about my transition. He knew I was trans of course, but when I met him he thought I was cis-woman. He asked me out on a date, to which I said yes. That was 3 years ago. We never had any intimacy, because I didn't had surgery yet. Which proved to be very frustrating. When I told him I had surgery by now, his eyes lit up. And from one thing came another... we ended up in my bed, and had an intimate night together. I wanted to try my new equipment, so why not? I like him, he likes me. Well, I am not going to explain everything in detail of course, since this is a public forum, but it was nothing short of a remarkable experience... one tip though: keep on dilating PinkCloud! ...and next time use lube... prepare, prepare, prepare...
We tested the waters a bit, and after a while I had to stop. It just was too fast... six, seven week post-op, and still a little wound... he never saw it, all in the dark, but it's just too soon. But heck, I and he wanted to try. He enjoyed it, and said it felt normal. Good for him. I got my enjoyment falling asleep in his arms... that is so much more rewarding for me... it felt good to be with him, and I felt super-feminine, finally, after so much years... I think my batteries are recharged again, and I feel I can take on the problems and issues again. Human touch, human contact. It heals, it works!
:icon_love:
Just a thought:
I cannot do this, I cannot do that... well, you are correct. For anything I wanted to accomplish, I just asked myself: How bad do I want it? how much am I willing to sacrifice?
Currently I have 60$ left for the whole month. But my savings account is stashed. Last week I put another 100$ in it. Why? because I want that FFS so bad, that I am willing to live on a 50$ a month if I need to. That's right. I live on 50$ a month for food for over a year now. I sold some of my stuff, and I rarely buy something new. That 8$ Netflix subscription goes into saving. Every single $ goes into saving. I have to save another 4 years before I have enough to fund my FFS. To realize MY DREAM! paid in CASH, not in debt.
I hope this will encourage someone else: ask yourself, how bad do you want it?
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.imgur.com%2F7mGljE9.jpg%3F1&hash=19af064311322c1ff323fcb473fa000b29fc9bcc)
I am glad to hear that you are feeling better. Hang in there. :)
7 weeks post-op.
Ever since the 6th week, I seem to have all my energy back. I feel like the way I did before surgery. Yesterday I hiked for 6 miles, as much as I did before surgery without any problems. My leg muscles were a little bit sore afterwards, but that is because the lack of exercise all that time. Nothing problematic so far. I also can move around without any problems. It is remarkable how normal the neo vag has become. It feels like any other part of my body, I don't notice it and it doesn't hurt nor does it feel sore anymore.
As for healing, the area is completely healed on the outside, besides red scars. I didn't need the silver nitrate, it started to heal on it's own. Most swelling has gone so far, and week by week I noticed how the neo vag retracted into my body more and more. I might have some minor aesthetic surgery, but it isn't really needed the way it functions.
I even had my first test drive with my boyfriend. I don't really care about sex actually, but I love the fact that a guy wants me, calls me a woman and acknowledges me. So I am willing to give what he wants. Being treated as a woman and feeling loved, satisfies me more than any orgasm can ever do. I also love to share my body with him, and what is wrong with that? In return I can fall asleep in his strong arms, feeling safe and like myself, a woman who is cared for. Maybe one day I will enjoy sex as well, but that day seems far away to me right now. I rather enjoy the psychological and emotional aspect of it, the idea of being loved and everything romantic around it. Like: candles, music, drinking, laughing, teasing, being together, being treated as a woman and not feeling alone. Been alone for 10+ years, I finally feel I start to enjoy life! I deserve to be happy as well, and I will.
If you would ask me 5 years ago, that I would have surgery, have a boyfriend be intimate within 5 years from then, I would not have believed it. But that is exactly what happened. The way I live right now is light years away from how I lived 5 years ago, on the day I took my first estrogen tablet. It took patience, discipline and inner strength to get where I am today. It was so worth it. All of it.