Given the fact that pretty much everything in my life is stable (work, etc.), is there anything stopping me from changing my name now but not actually using it in the workplace until I need it after going full time? For work, I'd stay as "Brian" even though my legal name would have changed to "Brenda" because I'd still look like Brian to begin with, and I don't see any situations on a regular basis where I'd have to show my ID to anyone for name confirmation purposes. The liquor store? They're hardly going to complain if I'm a guy with a girl's name; they're interested in the birthdate of the guy in the picture and checking whether it looks like me. A cop who stops me for speeding wouldn't care either - just explain the difference if he asks, then move on. Legal paperwork, well most of that's private anyway, so I don't really care if I'm required to use my new legal female name instead of my old male name - nobody other than me will know.
How private can a name change be kept for daily life, and is there any advantage or disadvantage to having it changed before changing one's outward daily gender presentation?
I've decided I'm going to wait until about a year after going full time at least. I don't want to change my name more than once. However I've been told there is nothing preventing me from legally changing my name now. I can't change my gender so easily though.
I found doing it just before going full time works the best.
That way it applies to the RLT and your name for your job, medical, dl, passport etc.
But each there own.
I plan to do it for my birthday next year. :) (September)
I want to have a few things in place. First of all I want a little time on HRT and to be FT. Then I want to have my hair grown out and a lot of the facial hair addressed.
This way when I get a new driver license that has my new name and my gender designation, and a nice picture. It is important for me (for my own satisfaction) to look feminine in my DL pic.
Quote from: awilliams1701 on December 10, 2014, 02:17:27 PM
I've decided I'm going to wait until about a year after going full time at least. I don't want to change my name more than once. However I've been told there is nothing preventing me from legally changing my name now. I can't change my gender so easily though.
Yeah you're in AL so it's tough and you need surgery. Here in NJ I just need a therapist's letter and I go to MVC with it. I guess it's one of the few good things about living here.
I think it makes the most sense to try to time it so they are close to the same time cuz when your IDs don't match your gender presentation it can get pretty awkward in certain situations. Ofc I abhor awkwardness.
Its more complicated than that. I'm from Ohio. So I'm not sure which state's backwards laws I get to deal with.
Quote from: ImagineKate on December 10, 2014, 03:07:09 PM
Yeah you're in AL so it's tough and you need surgery. Here in NJ I just need a therapist's letter and I go to MVC with it. I guess it's one of the few good things about living here.
Quote from: BunnyBee on December 10, 2014, 03:22:44 PM
I think it makes the most sense to try to time it so they are close to the same time cuz when your IDs don't match your gender presentation it can get pretty awkward in certain situations. Ofc I abhor awkwardness.
[/quote
I dunno because I want to do Yeson next year and I don't want to change names when I have airline tickets and hotel booked.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Here's a note to consider - some (not all, but some) therapists will not consider you full time until you are legally you. Ergo the time you spend living as a woman but with a male name may not get accredited to you as far as moving you towards GCS, if that is one of your goals.
Like I said, not every therapist is like this but it would behoove you to know what your therapist thinks before simply deciding you'll wait. Waiting may cause more issues than it solves in the long run.
Quote from: LizMarie on December 10, 2014, 04:44:23 PM
Here's a note to consider - some (not all, but some) therapists will not consider you full time until you are legally you. Ergo the time you spend living as a woman but with a male name may not get accredited to you as far as moving you towards GCS, if that is one of your goals.
Like I said, not every therapist is like this but it would behoove you to know what your therapist thinks before simply deciding you'll wait. Waiting may cause more issues than it solves in the long run.
I am so glad that I did not have one of those therapists. I was full time for 16 months before I got a legal name change. Here was my timetable:
Dec '12 - Therapy
Jan '13 - Low dose/therapeutic HRT at therapist's recommendation
Mar '13 - Full time. 100% my doing. At that point, "guy mode" just felt wrong and I quit doing it.
April '13 - Came out to world. My breasts were about to out me anyway.
May '13 - Told therapist what I had done, decided to transition fully.
July '13 - Got WPATH HRT letter. Asked endo to sign court and DMV docs for name and gender change.
Aug '13 - Asked endo again. Re-sent paperwork.
Oct '13 - Asked endo again. Re-sent paperwork.
Nov '13 - Saw endo. Gave him paperwork to sign AGAIN. He promised he would do it this time and apologized for dropping the ball.
Dec '13 - FINALLY got paperwork. Filed name/gender change with courts. Earliest date available? July 23, 2014. Thanks so much, Los Angeles!
Mar '14 - Got WPATH SRS letter after being full time for a year.
July 15, '14 - Orchi (still legally male and with male name)
July 23, '14 - Legal name/gender change
July 24, '14 - Changed name on Social Security
July 30, '14 - Changed name/gender with DMV
If I had to wait until late July '15 for my orchi, I would have cried foul.
It depends on you employer. I know at my job nicknames are not allowed and they have to have your full legal name and any previous names used. This is because I work in healthcare and medicare requires quarterly sanction screenings done on all employees. I know I went full time then about 3 months later after I started passing I legally changed my name. Then 3 months later I changed my gender on my documents as my doctor was comfortable writing a letter confirming I have been in treatment and should be considered female. I hope this helps.
I do not know if this applies to you but my therapist didn't start acknowledging RLE until I had paid with a check in my new name and had brought my new work badge in(much less legal ID's.) RLE pre-op is also somewhat different than stating one is full-time.
I was simultaneously going through court process and adjusting to living full time. I started coming out to family, friends and work Jan 8th, 2014.
I want to say it took about 3 months to change my name but my process consisted of:
- Paid a 480$ fee to file a petition to change name.
- Paid 40$ to advertise the petition in the newspaper for 4 consecutive weeks prior to the court date.
- Appeared in court before a judge, gave prrof of my ads in the paper and had them give me an "order to change name".
- Paid 25$ for certified copy (the kind with a raised seal) from the court.
- Used the certified copy to change bank, work, and anything else non-federal that had my dead name on it.
- Went to Social Security and changed name there.
- Once I had received my new SS card, I went to the DMV to change my name on my ID.
At this point it was mid-May 2014.
It was a lot of time, work and money, but was the easiest thing I could do for instant gratification in regards to my gender. My name was changed about half a month before I started seeing my therapist. My name was also changed about two and a half months before I started my HRT July 1st 2014. With the exception of my youngest sister, my entire family was and continues to be supportive. I have had no issues in my workplace and people pretty much self corrected name and pronoun mistakes. I was using 'they/them/their' previously, since I had come out as non-gendered at a point, that was pretty easy. I am lucky to work in a fairly trans-aware company, even more so now since I have been transitioning publicly and am very open about it. I even got them to adopt a trans-friendly insurance policy. I am very happy with the path I have taken so far, but there are still many more steps left for me before I will be comfortable.
Since I have finished that process California has changed what is required, and it is now much easier to change your name/gender (if you were born here). I am now starting the process for legally changing my gender, starting by changing it on my ID with the DMV since I can do that without a court order(you only have to get a special form filled out by your doctor and pay 31$). I should be ready to go to the DMV next week to change it on my ID. Unfortunately legally, I will still be stuck with an M with SS and on my birth certificate until I go through a legal process both in California (where I live) and Virginia (where I was born).
I guess that means by the looks of it my gender will be changed legally before I get SRS too....due to my lack of "RLE" and current financial state, I haven't even been able to start that process yet :(
NOTE: I did some editing when I was able to get the dates down in my head and in the right order :)
Quote from: ImagineKate on December 10, 2014, 03:07:09 PM
Yeah you're in AL so it's tough and you need surgery. Here in NJ I just need a therapist's letter and I go to MVC with it. I guess it's one of the few good things about living here.
For NJ, you don't need a letter. You need this form (http://www.state.nj.us/mvc/pdf/Licenses/genderchange.pdf) from the NJ MVC filled out by your HRT doctor (from any state as long as they have a FDA#) or a NJ licensed therapist. If your changing your name at the same time on your DL, it should be in you new name.
I started the 2-3 month process of changing my name in April (3 weeks after going full time and passing.) I had my court day in May and my court order was approved. It became official in June 23rd, 2014 (you have to wait 30 days after the court approval for it to go into effect due to info having to be sent to Trenton and the mandatory posting in the paper.) On the day I went straight to the MVC, then Social Security and my bank to change name and gender. I also had the letter for Social Security. The timing was great in that my licenses had to be renewed before June 30th. I finally did my passport in September, so I'm all set.
Name changes and birth certificate changes are separate matters, but getting my state ID gender changed is actually really simple in my state. Hurray for being in Illinois I guess.
Quote from: Skeptoid on December 11, 2014, 12:32:48 AM
Name changes and birth certificate changes are separate matters, but getting my state ID gender changed is actually really simple in my state. Hurray for being in Illinois I guess.
That sounds fairly similar to Victoria. It took one call to make an appointment, then some paperwork. It took less than a week. That was just my name change though. My birth certificate can only be changed after SRS, although my gender on everything else ( incl passport ) is F.
Ive read several places that it's easier to change name and gender marker prior going to fulltime rle. I have my name change court date on march 5th, 2015...after which my doctor said he will sign off on gender marker paper work to get my drivers license changed from m to f. Soon as I got that F on my drivers license, I will begin my full time experience.
Quote from: Sydney_NYC on December 10, 2014, 09:19:11 PM
For NJ, you don't need a letter. You need this form (http://www.state.nj.us/mvc/pdf/Licenses/genderchange.pdf) from the NJ MVC filled out by your HRT doctor (from any state as long as they have a FDA#) or a NJ licensed therapist. If your changing your name at the same time on your DL, it should be in you new name.
I started the 2-3 month process of changing my name in April (3 weeks after going full time and passing.) I had my court day in May and my court order was approved. It became official in June 23rd, 2014 (you have to wait 30 days after the court approval for it to go into effect due to info having to be sent to Trenton and the mandatory posting in the paper.) On the day I went straight to the MVC, then Social Security and my bank to change name and gender. I also had the letter for Social Security. The timing was great in that my licenses had to be renewed before June 30th. I finally did my passport in September, so I'm all set.
Question for you Sydney. Did you do both name and gender change at the same time? I would hate to have to make two trips to MVC. Also did they take a new picture? I assume yes? Last time I renewed by mail they kept the same one.
Before you make a decisions if i were you i would look in a few things. First what are the legal requirements in your area to change your first name to a female version, same for gender. Then you may want to ask your therapist (or just inquire in general) about their requirements. Last, look up your surgeon's reqs as they may have something related to name.
Here in the province of quebec here are the requirements(noite dfifferent areas will have different rules). Also quebec reqs are in flux so may change
You may change your gender only after srs, this will change in the future.
Gender change no longer requires publicizing your chasnge in legal and generic newspapers
You may change your name if you had srs. Alsdo if you can prove you hgave been using your given name for 5 years with various paperwork, you can change it.
This will be publicized in legal and public newspapers.
Once changed you no longer are allowed to use your old name gender as it no longer exists.
So using it in workplaces depends on workplace rules.
Having your new genders name/gender without representing full time will depend on your local laws but will be difficult at best, if not impossible.
So really find out laws and regulations local to you prior to any decision.
Addendum:
If you are married you will want to look up same sex marriage laws in your area as it may hinder any change
Quote from: ImagineKate on December 11, 2014, 07:43:37 AM
Question for you Sydney. Did you do both name and gender change at the same time? I would hate to have to make two trips to MVC. Also did they take a new picture? I assume yes? Last time I renewed by mail they kept the same one.
Yes I did them both at the same time for DL, SS, and Passport. The letter and DMV form need to be in your new name on the court order. At NJ Motor Vehicles, I was in and out in 30 minutes. (The place was pretty empty that day.) If you go to one of the bigger MVC offices where they do testing you'll be there forever. I went to the smaller one in Wallington, NJ instead of the big one in Lodi. The woman had never done a name and gender change at the same time and had to go to her supervisor 3 times, but they were great about it all.
The wait isn't the problem. I usually go to Newton (I live in Sussex County). I just hate taking a whole day off and I don't like to go on Saturdays. I'm going to try to do mine in one day as well.
Check the NJ MVC website, usually each office has one night a week they are open till 8pm.
Quote from: Sydney_NYC on December 11, 2014, 11:01:48 AM
Check the NJ MVC website, usually each office has one night a week they are open till 8pm.
All MVC agencies do late hours on Tuesdays until 7:30. I'll probably take a day off anyway. Want to make sure I get a nice picture. :)
Hello,
The situation with my name change has been very frustrating to say the least. Due to the circumstances surrounding my transition I have to wait until after my transition is finished. I am currently 31 years old. I began my transition just over 3 years ago at age 28. Around age 24 I started out with 11,000 dollars in debt which included student debt, being unemployed without unemployment benefits and credit card debt. I've been paying it off and on whenever I was employed. Due to being unemployed twice within the last year and a half I have been unable to finish paying off the last 1,428 dollars left.
I live in the state of Minnesota. The state won't let you change your name if you have any debt at all. You have to wait until its all paid back including debt you didn't know you had. Their reasoning is that you are really changing your name to get out of paying debt. That's not the case with me and other trans-women. Unfortunately there is no loophole for trans-people who want to change their name while still gladly be willing to finish paying off their debt. I have been full time and on HRT for 2 years and 2 months. I am currently a non-op.
My sister and brother, my friends, and my co-workers call me Ida. Even though I haven't changed my name yet my employer calls me by my preferred name and pronouns, and my name badge says Ida. Any official letters/documents still address me with my old name as do my paystubs. Everyone addresses me by my preferred name and pronouns except my mother and father. Even after 3 years they are still having a tough time with my transition. I've been employed for 8 months but haven't been able to save anything to start paying off the rest of my debt. So I have to wait until my transition is complete.
Eventually I will change my first name to Ida and my middle name of Alexander will be changed to Alexandra, the last name will stay the same. Even though I haven't legally changed my name yet, I truly feel that I became Ida the moment I decided that Ida was the right name for me.
I myself waited until I'd been out full-time for three months before changing my name. The reason for this is that I wasn't 100% sure that I wanted to be out full-time. Once I was sure of that, then I changed my name. It's certainly awkward being full-time female with a male name. I'm not sure it would be any less awkward still presenting as male with a female name. Since I don't have any experience with that, I can't say. But if you're 100% sure that you do want to change camps, then it might be more convenient to change your name beforehand.
Quote from: Brenda E on December 10, 2014, 02:08:50 PM
Given the fact that pretty much everything in my life is stable (work, etc.), is there anything stopping me from changing my name now but not actually using it in the workplace until I need it after going full time? For work, I'd stay as "Brian" even though my legal name would have changed to "Brenda" because I'd still look like Brian to begin with, and I don't see any situations on a regular basis where I'd have to show my ID to anyone for name confirmation purposes. The liquor store? They're hardly going to complain if I'm a guy with a girl's name; they're interested in the birthdate of the guy in the picture and checking whether it looks like me. A cop who stops me for speeding wouldn't care either - just explain the difference if he asks, then move on. Legal paperwork, well most of that's private anyway, so I don't really care if I'm required to use my new legal female name instead of my old male name - nobody other than me will know.
How private can a name change be kept for daily life, and is there any advantage or disadvantage to having it changed before changing one's outward daily gender presentation?
So you will only change your ID? What are you going to do when the ID you present is different from the name on the credit card? When its different than the name on your car insurance or car registration? It might raise some red flags if you wait too long, I don't think this is what the legal process is meant for. You should really do it when you're ready to assume that identity.
Also, I'm full time and awaiting my name change, and it sucks. When I'm at the bank, pharmacy, or department store and they ask to see my ID they're always like "your name is [boy name]?" and then it takes them a while to figure it out. So time it to change your name at the start of transition. Otherwise its just awkward.
I changed my name less than 2 weeks after starting full time, but I would recommend timing the going full time with the name change even more close together than that. The only difficultly that resulted is when it came time for the notary to notarize the court document that I need to submit she had a hard time believing the person on the ID and the person in front of her were in fact the same person, which is why I would recommend completing anything you can coming into full time and then right around that point changing your name.
Mariah
I did it very early on, it made things a lot easier for me once I had a legal name change.
Quote from: Cute Ida on December 11, 2014, 12:50:38 PM
Hello,
The situation with my name change has been very frustrating to say the least. Due to the circumstances surrounding my transition I have to wait until after my transition is finished. I am currently 31 years old. I began my transition just over 3 years ago at age 28. Around age 24 I started out with 11,000 dollars in debt which included student debt, being unemployed without unemployment benefits and credit card debt. I've been paying it off and on whenever I was employed. Due to being unemployed twice within the last year and a half I have been unable to finish paying off the last 1,428 dollars left.
I live in the state of Minnesota. The state won't let you change your name if you have any debt at all. You have to wait until its all paid back including debt you didn't know you had. Their reasoning is that you are really changing your name to get out of paying debt. That's not the case with me and other trans-women. Unfortunately there is no loophole for trans-people who want to change their name while still gladly be willing to finish paying off their debt. I have been full time and on HRT for 2 years and 2 months. I am currently a non-op.
Would they let you change your name IF you were to provide an official notice of the name change to everyone you're indebted to? In most states if the judge is worried about you trying to hide debts you could do that, which solves the possibility that you could get out of the debt by saying that (Oldname Person) doesn't exist anymore.
Hi tgchar21,
Thanks for replying to my reply. I actually asked something similar to what you suggested and they told me no and that its just state law that has to be followed in order to get your name changed. They also cited two other reasons why it wouldn't work. One, that because the debt has been sold at least 10-15 times in the last 7 years we don't know who it was sold to. We know the first creditor and who it was sold to the second to last but we are unable to find out who its been sold to again. I've had no calls or correspondence from them to pay them directly. So the debt just sits and waits to be paid, not that I have any money I can pay anyway.
I was using a credit counseling agency but they have to go through months of red tape to eventually find out who the creditor is and make payments from me to them. The other reason: I could file a name change and pay the 350 dollar filing fee, go through the entire name change process save for going before the judge and if the judge sees that I still have debt that I am paying off he will automatically throw out the name change and I have to start the name change process again and pay the 350 fee again once I do have the debt paid off. Basically I'm screwed until I have every penny paid back. I appreciate your response and suggestion though. Thank you.
I can't speak for anyone else, but I think it makes sense to wait until after going full-time before applying for a name change. As long as I still need to pretend to be male for any purpose, I would like to avoid the risk of being 'outed' by my records. It is just a document, anyway. I face many obstacles along my path toward a feminine future, and an "M" on my documents is a rather small one. My dysphoria comes from my body, anyway, not from others' perspectives or from a piece of paper. My feelings do get hurt easily, but I bounce back quickly. With that said, I can totally understand how seeing the wrong name on documents would be a set-back to someone who is already full-time, how that too can "out" you or cause dysphoria. As such, I think it makes sense to apply for a name change whenever the benefits exceed the risks, which for me will be shortly after going full-time.
I did the reverse - legal name change six months after I'd started living full-time as female, including at work. (It wasn't by choice; unrelated legal issues tied up the name change.) I can attest that it was a giant pain in the butt, and yes, people did notice if the credit card/ID/library card/car registration/etc. didn't match up with my presentation. I basically spent that six months having my wife do anything that was otherwise going to involve showing my legal name, including one time she had to leave work to come use *her* credit card to cover a home emergency repair, because otherwise I was either going to be outed or have the person flat-out refuse to accept that these were my documents.
Oh, and people at work tried very hard, but I ended up with one name in one place and the other in others, which was confusing and a giant hassle.
I will do all the legal stuff during my recovery from FFS, both of which will allow me to go full time.
Quote from: Cute Ida on December 13, 2014, 11:25:00 AM
Hi tgchar21,
Thanks for replying to my reply. I actually asked something similar to what you suggested and they told me no and that its just state law that has to be followed in order to get your name changed. They also cited two other reasons why it wouldn't work. One, that because the debt has been sold at least 10-15 times in the last 7 years we don't know who it was sold to. We know the first creditor and who it was sold to the second to last but we are unable to find out who its been sold to again. I've had no calls or correspondence from them to pay them directly. So the debt just sits and waits to be paid, not that I have any money I can pay anyway.
I was using a credit counseling agency but they have to go through months of red tape to eventually find out who the creditor is and make payments from me to them. The other reason: I could file a name change and pay the 350 dollar filing fee, go through the entire name change process save for going before the judge and if the judge sees that I still have debt that I am paying off he will automatically throw out the name change and I have to start the name change process again and pay the 350 fee again once I do have the debt paid off. Basically I'm screwed until I have every penny paid back. I appreciate your response and suggestion though. Thank you.
The only way I can see debt affecting a name change is if you've been sent to collections and there's a judgement against you. If debt was a problem no one could change their name... I have a mortgage and credit cards, student loans etc. I guess as long as it's current not a problem?
I waited until I decided to go full time to get that ball rolling, though it's a bit slow going, so getting started on the process might not be a terrible idea, though if you do do it before you're ready to go full time, you might run into snags or awkward situations at some point. But I think as long as you are just sticking to the normal day to day, you shouldn't run into many issues.