Name change: before going full time, or after?

[Brenda E]

Given the fact that pretty much everything in my life is stable (work, etc.), is there anything stopping me from changing my name now but not actually using it in the workplace until I need it after going full time?  For work, I'd stay as "Brian" even though my legal name would have changed to "Brenda" because I'd still look like Brian to begin with, and I don't see any situations on a regular basis where I'd have to show my ID to anyone for name confirmation purposes.  The liquor store?  They're hardly going to complain if I'm a guy with a girl's name; they're interested in the birthdate of the guy in the picture and checking whether it looks like me.  A cop who stops me for speeding wouldn't care either - just explain the difference if he asks, then move on.  Legal paperwork, well most of that's private anyway, so I don't really care if I'm required to use my new legal female name instead of my old male name - nobody other than me will know.

How private can a name change be kept for daily life, and is there any advantage or disadvantage to having it changed before changing one's outward daily gender presentation?

[awilliams1701]

I've decided I'm going to wait until about a year after going full time at least. I don't want to change my name more than once. However I've been told there is nothing preventing me from legally changing my name now. I can't change my gender so easily though.

[mrs izzy]

I found doing it just before going full time works the best.

That way it applies to the RLT and your name for your job, medical, dl, passport etc.

But each there own.

[ImagineKate]

I plan to do it for my birthday next year. (September)

I want to have a few things in place. First of all I want a little time on HRT and to be FT. Then I want to have my hair grown out and a lot of the facial hair addressed.

This way when I get a new driver license that has my new name and my gender designation, and a nice picture. It is important for me (for my own satisfaction) to look feminine in my DL pic.

[ImagineKate]

I've decided I'm going to wait until about a year after going full time at least. I don't want to change my name more than once. However I've been told there is nothing preventing me from legally changing my name now. I can't change my gender so easily though.

Yeah you're in AL so it's tough and you need surgery. Here in NJ I just need a therapist's letter and I go to MVC with it. I guess it's one of the few good things about living here.

[BunnyBee]

I think it makes the most sense to try to time it so they are close to the same time cuz when your IDs don't match your gender presentation it can get pretty awkward in certain situations.  Ofc I abhor awkwardness.

[awilliams1701]

Its more complicated than that. I'm from Ohio. So I'm not sure which state's backwards laws I get to deal with.

Yeah you're in AL so it's tough and you need surgery. Here in NJ I just need a therapist's letter and I go to MVC with it. I guess it's one of the few good things about living here.

[ImagineKate]

I think it makes the most sense to try to time it so they are close to the same time cuz when your IDs don't match your gender presentation it can get pretty awkward in certain situations.  Ofc I abhor awkwardness.
[/quote
I dunno because I want to do Yeson next year and I don't want to change names when I have airline tickets and hotel booked.


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[LizMarie]

Here's a note to consider - some (not all, but some) therapists will not consider you full time until you are legally you. Ergo the time you spend living as a woman but with a male name may not get accredited to you as far as moving you towards GCS, if that is one of your goals.

Like I said, not every therapist is like this but it would behoove you to know what your therapist thinks before simply deciding you'll wait. Waiting may cause more issues than it solves in the long run.

[Jill F]

Here's a note to consider - some (not all, but some) therapists will not consider you full time until you are legally you. Ergo the time you spend living as a woman but with a male name may not get accredited to you as far as moving you towards GCS, if that is one of your goals.

Like I said, not every therapist is like this but it would behoove you to know what your therapist thinks before simply deciding you'll wait. Waiting may cause more issues than it solves in the long run.

I am so glad that I did not have one of those therapists.  I was full time for 16 months before I got a legal name change.  Here was my timetable:

Dec '12 - Therapy
Jan '13 -  Low dose/therapeutic HRT at therapist's recommendation
Mar '13 - Full time.  100% my doing.  At that point, "guy mode" just felt wrong and I quit doing it.
April '13 - Came out to world.  My breasts were about to out me anyway.
May '13 - Told therapist what I had done, decided to transition fully.
July '13 - Got WPATH HRT letter.  Asked endo to sign court and DMV docs for name and gender change.
Aug '13 - Asked endo again.  Re-sent paperwork.
Oct '13 - Asked endo again.  Re-sent paperwork.
Nov '13 - Saw endo.  Gave him paperwork to sign AGAIN.  He promised he would do it this time and apologized for dropping the ball.
Dec '13 - FINALLY got paperwork.  Filed name/gender change with courts.  Earliest date available?  July 23, 2014.  Thanks so much, Los Angeles!
Mar '14 - Got WPATH SRS letter after being full time for a year.
July 15, '14 - Orchi (still legally male and with male name)
July 23, '14 - Legal name/gender change
July 24, '14 - Changed name on Social Security
July 30, '14 - Changed name/gender with DMV

If I had to wait until late July '15 for my orchi, I would have cried foul.

[SarahElizabeth]

It depends on you employer.  I know at my job nicknames are not allowed and they have to have your full legal name and any previous names used.  This is because I work in healthcare and medicare requires quarterly sanction screenings done on all employees.  I know I went full time then about 3 months later after I started passing I legally changed my name.  Then 3 months later I changed my gender on my documents as my doctor was comfortable writing a letter confirming I have been in treatment and should be considered female.  I hope this helps.

[Missy~rmdlm]

I do not know if this applies to you but my therapist didn't start acknowledging RLE until I had paid with a check in my new name and had brought my new work badge in(much less legal ID's.) RLE pre-op is also somewhat different than stating one is full-time.

[JustASeq]

I was simultaneously going through court process and adjusting to living full time. I started coming out to family, friends and work Jan 8th, 2014.

I want to say it took about 3 months to change my name but my process consisted of:

• Paid a 480$ fee to file a petition to change name.
• Paid 40$ to advertise the petition in the newspaper for 4 consecutive weeks prior to the court date.
• Appeared in court before a judge, gave prrof of my ads in the paper and had them give me an "order to change name".
• Paid 25$ for certified copy (the kind with a raised seal) from the court.
• Used the certified copy to change bank, work, and anything else non-federal that had my dead name on it.
• Went to Social Security and changed name there.
• Once I had received my new SS card, I went to the DMV to change my name on my ID.

At this point it was mid-May 2014.

It was a lot of time, work and money, but was the easiest thing I could do for instant gratification in regards to my gender. My name was changed about half a month before I started seeing my therapist. My name was also changed about two and a half months before I started my HRT July 1st 2014. With the exception of my youngest sister, my entire family was and continues to be supportive. I have had no issues in my workplace and people pretty much self corrected name and pronoun mistakes. I was using 'they/them/their' previously, since I had come out as non-gendered at a point, that was pretty easy. I am lucky to work in a fairly trans-aware company, even more so now since I have been transitioning publicly and am very open about it. I even got them to adopt a trans-friendly insurance policy. I am very happy with the path I have taken so far, but there are still many more steps left for me before I will be comfortable.

Since I have finished that process California has changed what is required, and it is now much easier to change your name/gender (if you were born here). I am now starting the process for legally changing my gender, starting by changing it on my ID with the DMV since I can do that without a court order(you only have to get a special form filled out by your doctor and pay 31$). I should be ready to go to the DMV next week to change it on my ID. Unfortunately legally, I will still be stuck with an M with SS and on my birth certificate until I go through a legal process both in California (where I live) and Virginia (where I was born).

I guess that means  by the looks of it my gender will be changed legally before I get SRS too....due to my lack of "RLE" and current financial state, I haven't even been able to start that process yet


NOTE: I did some editing when I was able to get the dates down in my head and in the right order

[Sydney_NYC]

Yeah you're in AL so it's tough and you need surgery. Here in NJ I just need a therapist's letter and I go to MVC with it. I guess it's one of the few good things about living here.

For NJ, you don't need a letter. You need this form from the NJ MVC filled out by your HRT doctor (from any state as long as they have a FDA#) or a NJ licensed therapist. If your changing your name at the same time on your DL, it should be in you new name.


I started the 2-3 month process of changing my name in April (3 weeks after going full time and passing.) I had my court day in May and my court order was approved. It became official in June 23rd, 2014 (you have to wait 30 days after the court approval for it to go into effect due to info having to be sent to Trenton and the mandatory posting in the paper.) On the day I went straight to the MVC, then Social Security and my bank to change name and gender. I also had the letter for Social Security. The timing was great in that my licenses had to be renewed before June 30th. I finally did my passport in September, so I'm all set.

[Skeptoid]

Name changes and birth certificate changes are separate matters, but getting my state ID gender changed is actually really simple in my state. Hurray for being in Illinois I guess.

[sam79]

Name changes and birth certificate changes are separate matters, but getting my state ID gender changed is actually really simple in my state. Hurray for being in Illinois I guess.

That sounds fairly similar to Victoria. It took one call to make an appointment, then some paperwork. It took less than a week. That was just my name change though. My birth certificate can only be changed after SRS, although my gender on everything else ( incl passport ) is F.

[Alexis2107]

Ive read several places that it's easier to change name and gender marker prior going to fulltime rle.  I have my name change court date on march 5th, 2015...after which my doctor said he will sign off on gender marker paper work to get my drivers license changed from m to f.  Soon as I got that F on my drivers license, I will begin my full time experience.

[ImagineKate]

For NJ, you don't need a letter. You need this form from the NJ MVC filled out by your HRT doctor (from any state as long as they have a FDA#) or a NJ licensed therapist. If your changing your name at the same time on your DL, it should be in you new name.


I started the 2-3 month process of changing my name in April (3 weeks after going full time and passing.) I had my court day in May and my court order was approved. It became official in June 23rd, 2014 (you have to wait 30 days after the court approval for it to go into effect due to info having to be sent to Trenton and the mandatory posting in the paper.) On the day I went straight to the MVC, then Social Security and my bank to change name and gender. I also had the letter for Social Security. The timing was great in that my licenses had to be renewed before June 30th. I finally did my passport in September, so I'm all set.

Question for you Sydney. Did you do both name and gender change at the same time? I would hate to have to make two trips to MVC. Also did they take a new picture? I assume yes? Last time I renewed by mail they kept the same one.

[Myarkstir]

Before you make a decisions if i were you i would look in a few things. First what are the legal requirements in your area  to change your first name to a female version, same for gender. Then you may want to ask your therapist (or just inquire in general) about their requirements. Last, look up your surgeon's reqs as they may have something related to name.

Here in the province of quebec here are the requirements(noite dfifferent areas will have different rules). Also quebec reqs are in flux so may change

You may change your gender only after srs, this will change in the future.
Gender change no longer requires publicizing your chasnge in legal and generic newspapers
You may change your name if you had srs. Alsdo if you can prove you hgave been using your given name for 5 years with various paperwork, you can change it.
This will be publicized in legal and public newspapers.
Once changed you no longer are allowed to use your old name gender as it no longer exists.

So using it in workplaces depends on workplace rules.

Having your new genders name/gender without representing full time will depend on your local laws but will be difficult at best, if not impossible.

So really find out laws and regulations local to you prior to any decision.

Addendum:

If you are married you will want to look up same sex marriage laws in your area as it may hinder any change

[Sydney_NYC]

Question for you Sydney. Did you do both name and gender change at the same time? I would hate to have to make two trips to MVC. Also did they take a new picture? I assume yes? Last time I renewed by mail they kept the same one.

Yes I did them both at the same time for DL, SS, and Passport. The letter and DMV form need to be in your new name on the court order. At NJ Motor Vehicles, I was in and out in 30 minutes. (The place was pretty empty that day.) If you go to one of the bigger MVC offices where they do testing you'll be there forever. I went to the smaller one in Wallington, NJ instead of the big one in Lodi. The woman had never done a name and gender change at the same time and had to go to her supervisor 3 times, but they were great about it all.