If you could go back in time to the day you began your transition, what would you do differently?
Or what advice would you give, based on your experience to others, beginning their transition?
I would lower my testosterone levels before, adding any estrogen, because I ended up with full blown andropause symptoms and I think estrogen made it worse.
Worst few months of my life.
Well seeing there's an option to go back in time, I'd go back to the time before I had the male puberty and not have all the issues that T poisoning left me and I'd start my transitioning from there.
If I could travel back in time I would go much further back then when I did start transitioning but I would have been more honest with my exfoster family than what I was. Back when I was at the start of transitioning, even before the hormone pills I had huge trust issues and every dicision I made was to avoid conflict. If I had been more honest my transition would have been easier on my family. I saw the stress it put them under by throwing them into the complication rather than easing them into it.
I wouldn't have told my mom. She's blackmailing me and she's the only one who knows. But my family is very dysfunctional as well.
I would have loved to have never received any bad t hormones. My mother knew I was female & a girl since childhood however in those days there was very little support for TG people. She tried her best to find a physician to help me develop into a woman but no success. It would have been so nice to receive only the right E hormones so my body could have developed more normally.
Ditto, stop the T Hormones before they get going. My other problems were mad far worse by its presence and by starting as early as I could I would have been happier much quicker. Having said all of that, I would be who I am without the experiences that I have had and may not have had opportunity if I hadn't been assigned male. So as much as my being assigned male originally was a curse in a few ways I suppose it was a blessing even if I can't truly see that. Either way starting when I did is better than waiting even longer. I'm not sure how much longer my body could have survived waiting longer.
Mariah.
Quote from: FrancisAnn on December 12, 2014, 06:05:36 AM
I would have loved to have never received any bad t hormones. My mother knew I was female & a girl since childhood however in those days there was very little support for TG people. She tried her best to find a physician to help me develop into a woman but no success. It would have been so nice to receive only the right E hormones so my body could have developed more normally.
I would have started hair removal earlier. It takes FOREVER.
I knew I forgot something. I would have done that too. Especially on the face where some are not as idea for laser as they were at first. Getting the face finished before HRT would have been a good thing to do.
Quote from: suzifrommd on December 12, 2014, 06:44:09 AM
I would have started hair removal earlier. It takes FOREVER.
I'd tell myself to be on time for work, I'd tell myself the EXACT dates in advance that I'd start passing and go full-time so that I could quit eating myself up with uncertainty and that "I'm NEVER going to pass!" feeling, and most importantly of all, I'd tell myself to NOT pick up that stupid deck of cards from the floor which ended up getting me fired.
I am finally back on track now, 16 months after that firing, but still, that's 16 months worth of salary that could have been used to get me out of debt, and be saving for SRS. Had I not been fired from my well-paying full-time job, I'd be booking an SRS date by now, and it would be completely covered by the company health insurance. Because I got fired, now I'm out on my own, still $4000 in debt, with only a part-time job, and looking for a way to save up freaking $15,000 for SRS. Not fun. :(
To be fair, I did learn a lot from that experience, and it's exactly because I'm now working somewhere else that I'm able to be stealth, which I NEVER could have been if I'd stayed, but still, I am really not happy that I lost that job where SRS is covered by health insurance and there was anti-gender-identity-discrimination built right in to the company's policies.
Quote from: Carrie Liz on December 12, 2014, 07:23:26 AMI'd tell myself the EXACT dates in advance that I'd start passing and go full-time so that I could quit eating myself up with uncertainty and that "I'm NEVER going to pass!" feeling
Great advice.
I'd have approached transition less cautiously if I could do it all again. Screw starting with extremely low dose (which I did to appease family who I now know were pushing for that because they hoped transitioning would be a phase and I'd give up on it - I wanted to go straight for hard stuff), as the more I think about it, the more I consider those months of extremely low dose to be an utter waste of time. I still advocate for low dose as a means to test the waters for those who are unsure, or for those who want the mental benefits while keeping the physical changes to a slow minimum, but I think at the time I went into my endo's office, I was ready to have her back up the estrogen truck and tell me to open my mouth real wide. There was no uncertainty on my part.
So, I guess what I'd do differently is realize - sooner - that transition is about me. As a non-selfish person in general, I still find it hard to accept that my transition isn't something that has to be done in consultation with every member of my family to find out what their thoughts and feelings are and worrying about whether I was hurting their feelings or making them unhappy. Transitioning - like dying - is something that one goes through alone, but surrounded by others. Make sure it's done how you want it to be done, and not some compromise that serves no purpose other than to make you unhappy with the results and to make everyone else unhappy because you haven't ended up staying as the cis-gender person they wanted you to be.
I would let mother find out on her own, if she ever does, instead of letting her know early on, about me being a girl. I wish I had taken my thoughts and aspirations seriously when I was a toddler. I would have started my transition sooner than this then... I think. I can't really know though. Maybe I'd ended up letting my mom, or even dad too, know sooner. I don't know how I would have handled things if that had happened.
I would have straightened out my gender markers and all my grade school and high school paperwork first. Rather than working backwards through the document trail. At that point in time, I would advise all my friends who were in the same situation to do the same.
-- And I would not go visit NoNo's across the border because it was a bad influence and kept us out late and caused me and others to not study. Would also advise those girls who were getting silicone shots in their hips, legs, chest, arms, cheeks, forehead, chin --- don't do it!! I would tell them that the beauty is fleeting and you can die or end up looking bizarre. Thank you God for giving me a great fear of needles!
seems starting earlier is the most popular.
I kinda wish I started earlier but then I would have had erectile dissfunction to the max, but this makes me think, that I would also go back to when I was 14-16 years old n get myself on HRT, or at least on to bicalutamide, I would also tell myself to stay away from cyproterone n spironolactone, because they stopped me from getting erect, I would also tell myself that hydroxyprogesterone seems to work best for me, because ever since I switched from the other AAs to bicalutamide n my progesterone to hydroxyprogesterone, I've been able to get erected.
But knowing my old self, I would probably tell myself to get f#%*ed.
I was a real angry ass about my dysphoria back then, o, o, o and that also reminds me, I would have got myself off of pot sooner n saved the money for surgery, if I would listen to myself.
But I would probably screw up the timeline or something, n end up not transitioning, unless I did it when I was crying n praying about it, I'd probably listen to myself then.
O if only.
Most of the same, I guess.
But I would advise this: Start with hair removal yesterday. It is probably the most difficult and most time consuming of all things you can do. I started long before HRT, and after 5 years I am still busy maintaining sparse hairs that pop-up. I cannot imagine doing a real-life experience with a five 'o clock shadow. Some girls even have a beard shadow while having SRS, it is the last thing you want. I knew I had to start early. Glad I did.
same
Quote from: Leila on December 12, 2014, 02:30:16 AM
Well seeing there's an option to go back in time, I'd go back to the time before I had the male puberty and not have all the issues that T poisoning left me and I'd start my transitioning from there.
I wouldn't have humiliated myself making nice to my in-laws while they asked me nasty questions and attacked me after I came out. Turns out if they were just going to disown us anyway, I might as well have gone easy on both of us and just walked in, said "Guess what? I'm a big ol' transsexual and will likely never speak to you again" and left. ;)
I think I pretty much nailed it the first time.
I don't like to play the "what if" game anyway- it never ends with me in a better place.
Not get FFS
Ditch my toxic acquintances before they ditch me
As far as my second/current attempt at transition goes I would change nothing - it is going pretty darn well as far as I can tell.
My first attempt at transition however... I started age 23 at a time when there wasn't a lot of support for or understanding and tolerance of trans people. The hormone treatment wasn't as effective. I had a $#&% load of personal end emotional problems, I was transphobic and overly sensitive to everything and anything. So if I could change that time in my life, knowing what I know now I would do the following...
- Stop hating myself
- Believe that I was passable since, duh, I was
- Have confidence to be myself
- Talk to my endo about changing my HRT regime... notably look at implants since they were a thing even back then
- Stop thinking my friends didn't want me, they were the most wonderfully supportive people anyone could have asked for and I pushed them all away
- Fully transition... I could have done it at work as I was covered by anti discrimination
- Call myself Grace... not Julie!!!
- Dress myself properly, of course people aren't going to think I'm a woman if I don't freaking dress/present like one
- Get my hair styled, seriously WTF was that?
- Not give a $#&% what other people think
- Learn to be patient
- Don't come out to all and sundry in the first few weeks of starting HRT
- Be happy, you miserable sod!
:)
As this is my second attempt at transitioning, if I could wind the clock back to 25 years ago, for what I know now, what I should have done then was to stick with the transition and not take the easy option of reverting to the male role and moving to Australia. I mean it was a bit stupid looking back as I had been living full time by then for more than 2 years, had thrown away (or had my girlfriends shred), all my male clothes, was well underway with electrolysis (this was before IPL existed). After I was outed at work, I got terribly depressed, yet I had a group of incredibly supportive cis female friends and all wanted me to dig my heels in . The problem is back then I wasn't destitute, but I didn't have a lot of money to spend and without a job and a mortgage to boot, and being in the UK then, the HRT regime was not as good as it is now and of course we didn't have the Internet and there was lots of prejudicial people about. Of course I then got offered the job in Australia, so I justified the move to working towards transition in 3 years. The trouble is the years slipped by and I though the dysphoria had gone. Little did I know that it would burst back 10 times stronger nearly two years ago. (I think it was triggered by a major crisis in my personal life) Mind you Dr Russel Reed (my UK Physchiatrist )at the time was very supportive of me then undergoing the transition. In fact at first he had tried hard to dissuade me, then really convinced that I was 100% TS , really supported me in my transition) and gave me my first letter for surgery. This actually helped me get back onto HRT the second time around back in Australia. But what I am missing now (other than the sisterhood of the amazing women that I have met from Susans) is that special group of cis females that included me in their sisterhood gatherings and especially Maggie and my really best friend Alison who went out of their way to include me in everything they did as well as providing huge amounts of feminine advice and emotional support. I did have one TS friend(that interestingly contacted me on Susans last year, but when I followed her up by mail, I didn't get a reply). One interesting thing for me over the years though despite now large amount of Estrogen is that I am still primarily attracted to females. With the new HRT regimes I thought this might change, but for in reality there is nothing like the feeling of soft skin on soft skin, the love and attention and caressing one woman can give to another woman and the emotional linkage one gets together. By the way I include other all Women (Both TS and CIS females in this attraction for me). For me, being kissed softly all over, or kissing a womans skin and feeling breast on breast is just an amazing feeling.
Judith
I would go back and start the process when I was 19 and had a smaller head, full scalp hair, higher voice, narrower waist, no facial hair... that is, before the T wreaked its havoc, yet after I was old enough to make my own decisions legally. Even going back to when I was 24 or so to initiate the process, could have saved my hair. That was when I found out that my sister dumped her fiancé for being transgendered, which presented me with an opportunity to open up about myself that I failed to acknowledge at the time. That is my biggest regret, that I waited so long that I can never have beautiful hair or a feminine body shape. I would have convinced myself that hormone levels really do matter, and that it is impossible to be effeminate with a high T:E ratio. I would have realized that my life savings of $1100 WERE enough to get me started on HRT, especially while floating on my family's insurance plan. I would have stopped worrying so much about my family disowning me, because even if they threw me on the street (unlikely) or gave me steroids (conceivable), it still would have been better than living in the wrong body. I would have overcome my fear of shopping and amassed more feminine clothing and skin care items, alas I have still been unable to do that. But above all else, I would give up everything I own to have my hair back.
I recently told a FTM buddy of mine I should have smashed my "poison producing T gonads" when I was 18. ;D Definately should have got an orchi and started transitioning in my early 20s, that's for damn sure. I would have not listened to my family, and should have stopped living in denial. Too many goddamn should/would/could statements for me.
Quote from: PinkCloud on December 12, 2014, 11:45:01 AM
Most of the same, I guess.
But I would advise this: Start with hair removal yesterday. It is probably the most difficult and most time consuming of all things you can do. I started long before HRT, and after 5 years I am still busy maintaining sparse hairs that pop-up. I cannot imagine doing a real-life experience with a five 'o clock shadow. Some girls even have a beard shadow while having SRS, it is the last thing you want. I knew I had to start early. Glad I did.
This is really good advice. I've started low dose to take the edge off the dysphoria, and it's been fantastic for that. But I'm not ready for the physical changes of full dose until I can get my facial hair under control. Mine is super thick and dark, and with makeup I've got a four to five hour window before it's showing up again.
Quote from: Jenna Marie on December 12, 2014, 04:47:35 PM
I wouldn't have humiliated myself making nice to my in-laws while they asked me nasty questions and attacked me after I came out. Turns out if they were just going to disown us anyway, I might as well have gone easy on both of us and just walked in, said "Guess what? I'm a big ol' transsexual and will likely never speak to you again" and left. ;)
I am absolutely dreading coming out to the in-laws. I think my mother-in-law will come around eventually, but it's going to be ugly at first. And they live in the same town we do.
Quote from: Leila on December 12, 2014, 02:30:16 AM
Well seeing there's an option to go back in time...
True.
But I will answer anyway.
I would have come out to my mom in 97.
I would have knocked out the electro from 98 to 04.
I would have found a therapist in 98 and went from there.
That's pretty much it.
Quote from: Clhoe G on December 12, 2014, 01:19:51 AM
If you could go back in time to the day you began your transition, what would you do differently?
Or what advice would you give, based on your experience to others, beginning their transition?
I would lower my testosterone levels before, adding any estrogen, because I ended up with full blown andropause symptoms and I think estrogen made it worse.
Worst few months of my life.
I would have started 30 years or more before I did.
Definitely started transition around 14-15 to go through puberty correctly instead of starting so late.
I as well, you loved to have started my transition at the age 12 or 13, i started at 21 (I know that is not so old)
but if I had started say at 12, i would have had one puberty, and i would have been a teenage girl.
My personality has changed a lot since i started my transition, i went from a shy, withdrawn person to outgoing, center of the party person. If i had transitioned at 12, i could have gotten more from my school years.. i.e. taking part in more activities.
Quote from: Christine Eryn on December 13, 2014, 02:13:42 PM
I recently told a FTM buddy of mine I should have smashed my "poison producing T gonads" when I was 18. ;D Definately should have got an orchi
Ouch, I think I'd prefer the orchi, if I wasn't do attached to em.
Interestingly all I would have done was to prevent the accident that took my mothers life when I was 9.
She knew all about it and even explained it for me. She was wonderful.
What could have been. :'(
I would have told my aunt about the abuse we had to deal with from my father which scarred me very badly.
I was too afraid to speak up aged 10-12 about it to anyone.
I was trapped for so long and forced to live is fear until I could escape the hate.
I promised to start at 30 but didn't know how.
I am now and that's all that matters.
So much happier and have reached the point of no return and I am not looking back ever.
J
Besides starting sooner........
I'd change nothing.
Probably everything because I would have started much earlier and so everything would have naturally been different and I would have been none the wiser either way
Who knows how it would have all panned out because that's all woulda, coulda, shoulda stuff that doesn't really have any relevance to the fact that we all have to live in the reality of the here and now
But no worries, it's kinda fun to daydream sometimes 8)
Quote from: Clhoe G on December 12, 2014, 01:19:51 AM
If you could go back in time to the day you began your transition, what would you do differently?
Or what advice would you give, based on your experience to others, beginning their transition?
I would lower my testosterone levels before, adding any estrogen, because I ended up with full blown andropause symptoms and I think estrogen made it worse.
Worst few months of my life.
I should have had consults With few therapists, before deciding on one, but in 1998 there was only one in my area that I could find. At first I really liked her (and I still do), she was very personable, and she was the first person I had ever confided in about being a woman in the wrong body, but she hurt me, because she gave me false hope in regards to the changes I should expect within the first 6 months of HRT. I started HRT at age 35, I weighed 215lbs of solid muscle with 4% body fat and I had been that way for 10 years. Anyway, I explained to her that I would only begin HRT and start the process to transition, if I could be sure that HRT would cause me to lose enough muscle, so that I could have a feminine body. Her response was that she sees transgender patients regularly, and that she was certain that I was going to have a good outcome. She went on to say that within 6 months after starting HRT, I would resemble a female athlete, such as a tennis player. Well 6 months later, Her predictions were all wrong, and I was heartbroken, and put transition on hold for 9 years, because the fact is that for every year that you lift weights, it takes that full amount of time for the muscles to atrophy.
We deserve to know the good as well as the bad, so that we can make the correct decisions. I already knew that it would take 10 years to lose the muscle, but she led me to believe that HRT magically melts it away.
I'm not sure I would even start earlier if I could go back in time. I'm so happy with how my life is right now, and who knows what changing anything about my past would mess with that. Yeah, it could be better, but would I have learned the same lessons, would I have appreciated what I have as much, would I be happy, not knowing the same sadness?
Quote from: Danielle Emmalee on December 14, 2014, 08:46:30 PM
I'm not sure I would even start earlier if I could go back in time. I'm so happy with how my life is right now, and who knows what changing anything about my past would mess with that. Yeah, it could be better, but would I have learned the same lessons, would I have appreciated what I have as much, would I be happy, not knowing the same sadness?
Danielle, I'm with you. I almost transitioned in my early 20's, but I'm not sure I could have found the needed support back then. I certainly wasn't financially stable enough and probably wasn't emotionally ready for it. Yes...testosterone poisoning and all of that, but I'm now financially stable, in a good place for transition (Seattle), and I have four kids to show for my decision not to transition earlier. So I'm good.
I would have followed through with my first attempt at transition when I was 17 years old, and let nothing get in the way of my happiness such as parental/family pressure not to despite my genetics, and having to move to another state. Had I done this instead of using having to move as an excuse to save my money. Every time I think of my lost years I just break down and cry.
Happy Holidays!
Ally :icon_flower:
I would have started with only therapist #1, instead of starting with two concurrently in case one did not work out. Therapist #2, although very polite, was expensive and referred me to therapist #3 who was even more expensive, and therapist #2 disowned me as soon as she found out I was "cheating" on her by seeing therapist #1. Or better yet, I would have started with therapist #4 because therapist #1 was verbally abusive and ambivalent about getting me on HRT. I hope that makes sense.
Quote from: Allyda on December 14, 2014, 09:43:38 PM
Every time I think of my lost years I just break down and cry.
I feel the same way. There are some new songs out now that make me think about what I could have been if I had started sooner, and they bring me to tears almost every time.
Quote from: Steph34 on December 15, 2014, 10:40:07 AM
I would have started with only therapist #1, instead of starting with two concurrently in case one did not work out. Therapist #2, although very polite, was expensive and referred me to therapist #3 who was even more expensive, and therapist #2 disowned me as soon as she found out I was "cheating" on her by seeing therapist #1. Or better yet, I would have started with therapist #4 because therapist #1 was verbally abusive and ambivalent about getting me on HRT. I hope that makes sense.
Who's on first? ;D
Quote from: Steph34 on December 15, 2014, 10:40:07 AM
I would have started with only therapist #1, instead of starting with two concurrently in case one did not work out. Therapist #2, although very polite, was expensive and referred me to therapist #3 who was even more expensive, and therapist #2 disowned me as soon as she found out I was "cheating" on her by seeing therapist #1. Or better yet, I would have started with therapist #4 because therapist #1 was verbally abusive and ambivalent about getting me on HRT. I hope that makes sense.
Sounds complicated. And I'm sorry you had to go through that. It also make me feel very thankful I found such a fantastic therapist. The process has been very easy so far.
Start at age 15 instead of forty something. Period.
Sent from my KFSOWI using Tapatalk
I would have to say nothing. I know that is probably strange to hear but everything that has happened in my life has made me the person I am today and I would not want to change any of it because there is no way of knowing what the final outcome will be. Changing even the most minor detail could change my life for the worse. Right now I have a good job, a loving and supportive wife and family and I would not want to risk loosing any of that. I like to live by the saying everything happens for a reason. That reason might not be apparent today but one day you may see it.
after reading all the comments for this post the only think in my mind was the same as the my first thought, I do not say anything about my Transition but, the only message i would give me is "hang in there little girl, everything is going to be alright, even if you think this is a dead end, trust me, is not, keep you chin up and never give up" ;)
Quote from: Clhoe G on December 14, 2014, 02:29:15 AM
Ouch, I think I'd prefer the orchi, if I wasn't do attached to em.
If there were a way to take them off safely without the risk of fatal bleeding, I would do it today... The problem with the orchi is that it requires the support of multiple medical professionals, which is not easy to obtain.
My mother says not to be depressed about backing down when I was 22, because I cannot change the past. But how could I not be depressed? I could have been so beautiful and now I will never even be passable. Almost any woman my age would be depressed if she looked like me.
probably have just put myself out of my misery. I came close. I just didn't follow through.
Maybe tell myself not to get married.
Not to let Birkin get close.
A lot of things I could have done better or different. Like not have transitioned at the place I worked at. I should have just got my CDL and hit the road and never looked back.
If I could do life all over with the knowledge I have today and the openess of today I would block male puberty and start to transition at the earliest possible time.
Quote from: mac1 on December 20, 2014, 01:37:02 PM
If I could do it all over with the knowledge I have today and the openess of today I would block male puberty and start to transition at the earliest possible time.
^ A thousand times this
Ditto, but with also the other substance that comes with that knowledge. The courage and strength that we have gained as we have transitioned, which are just as important as the knowledge.
Mariah
Quote from: mac1 on December 20, 2014, 01:37:02 PM
If I could do it all over with the knowledge I have today and the openess of today I would block male puberty and start to transition at the earliest possible time.
We all have regrets. I know I do. I tried to transition early when I was 17, but even tho I was emancipated from my adopted father he managed to put the kibosh on my transition. Truth is Doc's will listed to a 40 year old man before they will a 17 year old. And the worse part is genetically I'm female which he knew. It was because I'm intersex, a female hermaphrodite and have a very small penis my adopted father was convinced I was male(to him penis = male regardless) despite what the Doc's kept telling him. He also scared me as he was a very intimidating overbearing muscular dude who wouldn't hesitate to give me a beatdown. He said and I quote; "it will toughen you up!" But yes even tho it was the early 80's and medical technology and knowhow wasn't what it is today I would have loved to transition earlier and have my birth defect corrected then.
But alas as someone said; "we can't change the past." For if I had it to do all over again I would have gotten as far away from him as I could and as the continental land mass would allow then my transition back then might have been successful. Oh well............, and so it goes. I am happy now tho that it is getting done so......
I'll just have to move on from here. Thinking about my lost years just hurts too much.
Sorry for the rant -was reminiscing this evening.
Happy Holidays! :icon_bunch:
Ally :icon_flower:
Quote from: mac1 on December 20, 2014, 01:37:02 PM
If I could do life all over with the knowledge I have today and the openess of today I would block male puberty and start to transition at the earliest possible time.
100% Agreed, plus not marry... and above all be stronger!
L Katy
Do it earlier.
Allyda, don't be sorry for the rant. We all need to do that sometimes. My father was the same way and once they opened the door for the one path he wouldn't let them even think of course correcting later. It's probably why him and I never did fully get along. What he wanted from me was never possible.
Mariah
Quote from: Allyda on December 21, 2014, 01:53:38 AM
We all have regrets. I know I do. I tried to transition early when I was 17, but even tho I was emancipated from my adopted father he managed to put the kibosh on my transition. Truth is Doc's will listed to a 40 year old man before they will a 17 year old. And the worse part is genetically I'm female which he knew. It was because I'm intersex, a female hermaphrodite and have a very small penis my adopted father was convinced I was male(to him penis = male regardless) despite what the Doc's kept telling him. He also scared me as he was a very intimidating overbearing muscular dude who wouldn't hesitate to give me a beatdown. He said and I quote; "it will toughen you up!" But yes even tho it was the early 80's and medical technology and knowhow wasn't what it is today I would have loved to transition earlier and have my birth defect corrected then.
But alas as someone said; "we can't change the past." For if I had it to do all over again I would have gotten as far away from him as I could and as the continental land mass would allow then my transition back then might have been successful. Oh well............, and so it goes. I am happy now tho that it is getting done so......
I'll just have to move on from here. Thinking about my lost years just hurts too much.
Sorry for the rant -was reminiscing this evening.
Happy Holidays! :icon_bunch:
Ally :icon_flower:
If transitioning even earlier weren't an option -- e.g. I started at 24, would have loved 13+ blockers and administration at 18 -- then I would have still changed a few things as follows:
1. Convince myself to find work immediately. I wasted five years doing nothing, and my transition has been delayed as a result.
2. Focus more on losing weight instead of putting it off until just last year.
3. Make myself realize that most people don't get you, but most people also don't want to hurt you. Many of those people want to learn and adapt.
4. Make myself realize that being nice to people almost always gets them to treat you appropriately, and the types of friends I tend to like often find what I'm going through to be "neat" and "interesting."
5. Started all forms of LHR immediately.
6. Spent more time developing talents for crowd funding.
Quote from: missymay on December 14, 2014, 12:11:48 PM
I should have had consults With few therapists, before deciding on one, but in 1998 there was only one in my area that I could find. At first I really liked her (and I still do), she was very personable, and she was the first person I had ever confided in about being a woman in the wrong body, but she hurt me, because she gave me false hope in regards to the changes I should expect within the first 6 months of HRT. I started HRT at age 35, I weighed 215lbs of solid muscle with 4% body fat and I had been that way for 10 years. Anyway, I explained to her that I would only begin HRT and start the process to transition, if I could be sure that HRT would cause me to lose enough muscle, so that I could have a feminine body. Her response was that she sees transgender patients regularly, and that she was certain that I was going to have a good outcome. She went on to say that within 6 months after starting HRT, I would resemble a female athlete, such as a tennis player. Well 6 months later, Her predictions were all wrong, and I was heartbroken, and put transition on hold for 9 years, because the fact is that for every year that you lift weights, it takes that full amount of time for the muscles to atrophy.
We deserve to know the good as well as the bad, so that we can make the correct decisions. I already knew that it would take 10 years to lose the muscle, but she led me to believe that HRT magically melts it away.
I hope that is not true! I have a bodybuilding muscle mass from lifting hours a day for 3 years. I hope burning off every calorie I eat running will help. I use to use so much that my muscle mass would be used as fuel (sweat will smell of ammonia), so I hope that will help me.
Given that almost everyone is going to say they would go back to pre-puberty and get hormones then, I won't say that, because it goes without saying.
But given my current timeline? Gosh, I've just started, so what?
Probably not a darn thing. I have no regrets. To me I am doing this the right way. Informed consent hormones, gradually building up my way to fulltime, seeing a therapist, gradually out to family and friends. Well I would have probably seen my current therapist first, and not the other one I was dealing with.
But let's say we rule out childhood transition (because everyone is saying that they'd transition in childhood). I'd have done it when my ex ended my starter marriage and I would have transitioned in my 20s. But then again I wouldn't have my kids. I may have banked sperm before, but given that we had to have assisted reproduction even with me not transitioning, I dunno how successful that would be. It sounds crazy but my kids are something I don't regret at all. I have a really strong bond with them and could not imagine my life without them.
earlier, pre-t, blah blah
BUT: im 32, ive waited long enough, the internet changed everything, people are much more tolerant, the technology exists, im professionally and financially independent, i love running my business, i told all my friends family and facebook acquaintances, i feel full of beans and am loving this slow change into the person i wanted to much to be as an unhappy boy. i feel strong and composed and happy.
at any point in the past, these werent all true so, I wasnt ready. in fat i was a horrible angry dick. not ready. so no regrets.
So, maybe nothing, you know? this feels like growing up. doing what i want and doing it with a smile. sometimes a mans gotta do what a mans gotta do; stop pretending to be a man. onward an upward on the long slow climb out of hell.
If I could transition all over again, I would not have been such a rude dick to everyone who didn't "get it" when I foisted a new name and new pronouns upon my co-workers and friends. I was very angry and irritable in general, but that extra bit of pissy attitude I gave people certainly made me (more of) a target at the workplace. I was 19, I didn't have the wherewithal or the foresight to just try to understand where they were coming from, even if they didn't really do that for me!
I would have done it much sooner. I'm not even talking childhood, even age 18 would have been good for me.
I also would have saved more of my money earlier on, so I could have had surgery. I would have taken better care of myself physically and mentally, but transitioning changed most of that for me so maybe that falls under doing it earlier.
Quote from: Clhoe G on December 12, 2014, 01:19:51 AM
If you could go back in time to the day you began your transition, what would you do differently?
Or what advice would you give, based on your experience to others, beginning their transition?
I would lower my testosterone levels before, adding any estrogen, because I ended up with full blown andropause symptoms and I think estrogen made it worse.
Worst few months of my life.
I'm pre-everything (even telling the wife) and I'm not sure I would have liked to have started before puberty. The reason is that I love my wife and daughter more than anything. If I had not suppressed and choked back my dysphoria for all these years, I wouldn't have had either.
Now, no matter what happens, I have a wonderful daughter. I
may end up keeping my wonderful wife who wasn't so open-minded when I met her but is now.
As much as I would like to be myself right now and have all of this behind me, I don't think I would hit that magic do-over button. If I did, I think I would maybe go back about four or five years but that's it.
I imagine this wont be uncommon but I'd go back and start sooner. With how supportive my parents were I can only imagine what would have happened if I told them at 17 or something.