Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Community Conversation => Transsexual talk => Male to female transsexual talk (MTF) => Topic started by: Ms Grace on December 23, 2014, 10:29:06 PM

Title: Utterly devastated
Post by: Ms Grace on December 23, 2014, 10:29:06 PM
Found out today I didn't get the job I went to an interview for on Monday. I really felt I had done well in the interview and they even called one of my referees (but not the other??) and now they tell me I was pipped at the post by someone just as good as me but whose referees apparently gave them such an amazing rap that they got the job instead. I know only one person can get the job but I feel seriously devastated by this. Have raged at thin air, have kicked inanimate objects around the apartment and have had a good bawl. Changes nothing of course. Just means I have to try harder and maybe get better referees. :'( :'( :'(
Title: Re: Utterly devastated
Post by: stephaniec on December 23, 2014, 10:32:23 PM
just got to keep movin on . And what the heck are referee's. Is that an Australian thing.
Title: Re: Utterly devastated
Post by: Mariah on December 23, 2014, 10:36:32 PM
Sorry to hear that Grace. Hang in there and keep trying.
Title: Re: Utterly devastated
Post by: Mariah on December 23, 2014, 10:37:34 PM
Steph, I suspect it is the equivalent to what we call references here in the United States.
Quote from: stephaniec on December 23, 2014, 10:32:23 PM
just got to keep movin on . And what the heck are referee's. Is that an Australian thing.
Title: Re: Utterly devastated
Post by: Ms Grace on December 23, 2014, 10:38:26 PM
Quote from: Mariah2014 on December 23, 2014, 10:37:34 PM
Steph, I suspect it is the equivalent to what we call references here in the United States.

Yep.
Title: Re: Utterly devastated
Post by: stephaniec on December 23, 2014, 10:42:45 PM
I'll have to take a class in OZ
Title: Re: Utterly devastated
Post by: immortal gypsy on December 23, 2014, 10:44:59 PM
Sorry to hear that Grace

The right job for you is out there just try to stay positive in the meantime. It was there loss not to hire someone like you

Be careful of kicking the inanimate objects. Some of them have a tendency to hurt back
Title: Re: Utterly devastated
Post by: mrs izzy on December 23, 2014, 10:48:07 PM
Sorry it did not work out for you.

I always say there is a reason, just hard when we put our heart and souls into a interview.

Keep on keeping on.

Hugs
Title: Re: Utterly devastated
Post by: AnonyMs on December 23, 2014, 10:53:57 PM
I think you should try not to take it too seriously, and think of it as a numbers game instead.

There's no way you guarantee it. There's too many variable in getting a job, and some of them are nothing to do with you. Apply for lots of jobs and if they are all this close you'll get one of them. And the more you go to the better you'll be at interview technique, which will also increase your chances. Practice makes perfect.

Also follow up with the company and thank them for their time (or wherever sounds polite). If the other applicant doesn't get it at the last moment, it could make the difference between you getting it or not. I guess its good manners as well if you're into that sort of thing.
Title: Re: Utterly devastated
Post by: Ms Grace on December 23, 2014, 11:03:03 PM
Pretty sure I'll start crying or say something I'll regret if I call them now. Might wait until new year.
Title: Re: Utterly devastated
Post by: Cindy on December 23, 2014, 11:07:22 PM
Hugs Grace,

Yes wait a few days then send a nice letter, the last few people I've employed my first choice backed out after their employer found out and gave them a salary increase or permanency.

It ain't over until Skippy sings.

Title: Re: Utterly devastated
Post by: ImagineKate on December 23, 2014, 11:08:40 PM
Sorry to hear it, Grace. I have had that kind of disappointment and usually something better comes along. Don't give up!
Title: Re: Utterly devastated
Post by: April_TO on December 23, 2014, 11:14:40 PM
I am very sorry to hear that Ms. Grace - I believe that when a door closes another one opens up.
It only means you have something better in store for you.

Keep that chin up high and know that 2015 will start with a bang xoxo

Hugs!
Title: Re: Utterly devastated
Post by: jeni on December 23, 2014, 11:14:59 PM
Sorry to hear it, Grace. I know it's never as easy to do this as it is to say it, but try not to take it personally. It sounds like your assessment of the interview was right on, you did great, but it just didn't happen to work out this time. It happens to us all one way or another sometimes.

When you calm down, I think thanking them for the consideration would be a classy (and potentially helpful) move. Personally, I would write a letter to do this as Cindy suggests. It'll help keep the door open and maybe put you in their good (*ahem*) graces should another opportunity arise. Unless you've been in closer than usual contact, at least in the US I would think that a letter would be more customary than a phone call for that.
Title: Re: Utterly devastated
Post by: Ms Grace on December 23, 2014, 11:17:48 PM
Thanks everyone. One thing's for sure I'm doing a lot more crying than I ever used to be able to now I'm on HRT. I think I'm so disappointed by this outcome because the interview seemed to go really well, plus I hate my current job so much.

Quote from: Cindy on December 23, 2014, 11:07:22 PM
Hugs Grace,

Yes wait a few days then send a nice letter, the last few people I've employed my first choice backed out after their employer found out and gave them a salary increase or permanency.

It ain't over until Skippy sings.



That has crossed my mind but it's probably a slim chance...
Title: Re: Utterly devastated
Post by: EmmaD on December 23, 2014, 11:34:14 PM
Sorry to hear this, Grace.  Chin up and stay positive.

Cindy is right.  Often employers respond with money since it is cheaper than recruiting and training new staff.  You might also talk to your referees to see what the employers approach was.  In the past, I have always briefed my referees for each application after the initial interview.  This has to be straight after as prospective employers are sometimes really fast in contacting referees.  Fortunately, I haven't had to go through a full formal process too often.

I will be thinking of you and everyone else who is alone tomorrow (me included). Have a restful and peaceful Christmas Day.

Emma.
Title: Re: Utterly devastated
Post by: Ms Grace on December 23, 2014, 11:39:44 PM
Sadly I had called the refs just after the interview and only got their voicemail. Left a message but you never get long with those, just enough time for the basics. And yeah, one of the refs had been contacted within an hour of that. Apparently they never contacted the second one. :-\

Also I see you've turned from a cat into a human! Nice! Looking great!
Title: Re: Utterly devastated
Post by: EmmaD on December 23, 2014, 11:46:12 PM

Yeah, the cat objected!  Since FFS (although the I am still healing), I thought I should go human.
Title: Re: Utterly devastated
Post by: katrinaw on December 24, 2014, 12:51:27 AM
So sorry to hear you bombed out, it's never personal... Been there so many times  :'(

Maybe as you say reach out to them in the new year, maybe ask them why and a bit of a debrief ( some are happy to do that)... Anyway grab a glass of 2 of wine and chill...

FWIW I've been jobless for last 8 months, with lots of nothing back and sorry you got pipped, a late entry internal person got the role.

Enjoy the holidays  :-*

L Katy
Title: Re: Utterly devastated
Post by: Newgirl Dani on December 24, 2014, 12:58:36 AM
So sorry Grace, maybe the best is what is meant for you, the best thats still on its way.  Tough though.

By the way, whos Skippy? And why is he singing?   Dani
Title: Re: Utterly devastated
Post by: Jenny07 on December 24, 2014, 01:22:20 AM
I know you wanted the job and from what you say you were piped by someone else who was slightly better.
Upsetting yes, but has the world ended? Not that I last saw. It is looking grey though.

Look at it as their loss, not yours.
When I was looking a few years ago, many times I never even got to the interview as was screened out. It can be ruthless and does take a toll.
When I did get offers I had 3 all at the same time so had to choose. Typical.
Now I am viewed as a key person risk as I am that important so don't undervalue yourself.

Anyway it Christmas tomorrow so don't make me come around and turn that smile upside down.
Happy to chat always if you need someone to talk to.

Jen.
Title: Re: Utterly devastated
Post by: Emmaline on December 24, 2014, 01:44:39 AM
Big hugs Grace!

Look, I was turned down a job as a video games arcade drone.  A few years later I was an art director at a video games company.

Maybe its the universe telling you to do more comics.
Title: Re: Utterly devastated
Post by: Emjay on December 24, 2014, 01:45:23 AM
I'm sorry this one didn't work out for you Grace, but yeah like everyone else has said something will come up.  Probably something better too!

I'm with you in absolutely hating my current job, I look and apply places every day but being in a place when your not happy makes the waiting seem so much longer.  Hang in there, it'll work out!  (For both of us!)  :)

Have a wonderful, Merry Christmas!
Title: Re: Utterly devastated
Post by: Ms Grace on December 24, 2014, 01:53:56 AM
Quote from: Jenny07 on December 24, 2014, 01:22:20 AM
Upsetting yes, but has the world ended? Not that I last saw.

No, I guess it isn't - that's reserved for 12 January where apparently (so I'm led to believe) my position is going to be made redundant...  :(

I suppose that'll solve my problem of hating my job though... :P

Quote from: Newgirl Dani on December 24, 2014, 12:58:36 AM
By the way, whos Skippy? And why is he singing?

Skippy the Bush Kangaroo (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Skippy_the_Bush_Kangaroo)

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fresources3.news.com.au%2Fimages%2F2010%2F12%2F28%2F1225977%2F264663-skippy.jpg&hash=13bfec76d5ca446b1fec099d236513543fe1c0ec)

Don't know about singing, but Skippy sure does go 'tsk tsk' a lot!

Quote from: Emmaline on December 24, 2014, 01:44:39 AM
Maybe its the universe telling you to do more comics.

I'd rather the universe told me tomorrow night's Powerball numbers... ;)
Title: Re: Utterly devastated
Post by: Cindy on December 24, 2014, 02:10:35 AM


Quote from: Newgirl Dani on December 24, 2014, 12:58:36 AM
By the way, whos Skippy? And why is he singing?

Skippy the Bush Kangaroo (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Skippy_the_Bush_Kangaroo)

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fresources3.news.com.au%2Fimages%2F2010%2F12%2F28%2F1225977%2F264663-skippy.jpg&hash=13bfec76d5ca446b1fec099d236513543fe1c0ec)

Don't know about singing, but Skippy sure does go 'tsk tsk' a lot!

Unquote

Trying to teach 'muricans Kulture


Seriously Grace,don't fret it.

Relax and have a Christmas break, I'm around most of tomorrow so if you need to talk don't hesitate.
Title: Re: Utterly devastated
Post by: JHeron on December 24, 2014, 03:08:15 AM
I'm sorry to hear about that :\ but I agree with Ms Cindy Ms Grace. All the employment books I was given when Ieft the service say you should always send a place a Thank You letter after an interview. It's supposively helps keep your resume in the running for future openings. I'm not sure it works but it's worth a shot.
Title: Re: Utterly devastated
Post by: Arch on December 24, 2014, 03:23:09 AM
Damn, I'm sorry to hear this. I had my fingers crossed. Still, if you nailed the interview, that's a feather in your cap and well worth celebrating. If you did well this time, then you can do it again.

But definitely see if you can improve your references.
Title: Re: Utterly devastated
Post by: Ms Grace on December 24, 2014, 03:40:35 AM
Yeah, I seriously didn't know they had to be my cheer squad too, but it makes sense that the job candidates with enthusiastic referees/references are going to stand a better chance of getting the job when it comes down to the split. Normally I'd just expect them to say "yes she's a great worker, dependable, etc" but clearly the other candidate's refs went the extra mile.

That's what really $#%&s me about all this at the moment - given we were neck and neck until the ref check I feel like blaming my refs when it obviously isn't their fault... but goddammit, WTF??
Title: Re: Utterly devastated
Post by: Unrepentant on December 24, 2014, 03:57:54 AM
Don't take what happened personally, Ms Grace.
We cannot fault others for being "better" (putatively) than us. Or that others have better references than we do. But we can always improve ourselves, burnish our credentials and of course coach our references over a (deliciously incentivising) meal.
Title: Re: Utterly devastated
Post by: V M on December 24, 2014, 04:17:39 AM
Very sorry to hear about the job Ms Grace, I was really hoping it would happen for you

Don't give up, something better is just around the corner

Hugs
Title: Re: Utterly devastated
Post by: suzifrommd on December 24, 2014, 06:10:14 AM
I feel sorry for them. They missed out on a terrific employee.

Job hunting is a painful, energy-draining, soul-destroying process. Only the strong emerge unscathed.

Luckily, you are strong.

Stay strong, Grace.

Hugs.
Title: Re: Utterly devastated
Post by: Mariah on December 24, 2014, 06:23:42 AM
To be safe you might want to have them up their enthusiasm about you just a bit Grace, but not to the point that it seems fake. Any little change you can make next time based on this experience couldn't hurt especially when it turns into a neck and neck situation because that is when they get picking at the smallest little differences. I agree the job you did in the interview you should be proud of. You did everything you could and should do plus as others have said a thank you letter after the fact will help keep the door open in the future. Weather it is the person who got the job who backs out or another opening that suddenly happens. One other note I remember Grace is that you said you tailored the interview to the company by studying up, but did you tweak the resume for the same reason to emphasis those skills and training you have that are bests for that company.
Quote from: Ms Grace on December 24, 2014, 03:40:35 AM
Yeah, I seriously didn't know they had to be my cheer squad too, but it makes sense that the job candidates with enthusiastic referees/references are going to stand a better chance of getting the job when it comes down to the split. Normally I'd just expect them to say "yes she's a great worker, dependable, etc" but clearly the other candidate's refs went the extra mile.

That's what really $#%&s me about all this at the moment - given we were neck and neck until the ref check I feel like blaming my refs when it obviously isn't their fault... but goddammit, WTF??
Title: Re: Utterly devastated
Post by: Rachel on December 24, 2014, 07:30:26 AM
Hugs, sorry about the news

They lost a great opportunity.

Like others said, end it with polish.
Title: Re: Utterly devastated
Post by: PPatrice on December 24, 2014, 08:26:34 AM
Quote from: Mariah2014 on December 24, 2014, 06:23:42 AM
To be safe you might want to have them up their enthusiasm about you just a bit Grace....

Or maybe/possibly consider finding at least one new reference.  Best wishes in the new year.
Title: Re: Utterly devastated
Post by: Sabrina on December 24, 2014, 08:46:23 AM
I have faith everything will work out for you in the end. Best of luck.
Title: Re: Utterly devastated
Post by: Ellesmira the Duck on December 24, 2014, 10:43:48 AM
How lame, I don't think anyone has even called my references before >_< I'm sure you'll find work soon! Don't give up yet ^_^
Title: Re: Utterly devastated
Post by: Dee Marshall on December 24, 2014, 10:54:36 AM
I hate to bring this up, Grace, but we are who we are. Is there anyone you can trust to tell you if your position becomes un-redundant? 
Title: Re: Utterly devastated
Post by: RuthFrances on December 24, 2014, 11:20:17 AM
So sorry honey. Keep your chin up and have a Merry Christmas
Title: Re: Utterly devastated
Post by: Newgirl Dani on December 24, 2014, 11:36:52 AM
Grace,

First off thanks for resolving the skippy thing for me, I now have a new thing to internet  :). 

Second, new beginnings are without a doubt difficult.  Just a glimpse into one of my own very big switching of career tracks:  I spent years gaining a license as a chemist, performing quality control & in process analytical testing in the petrochemical industry.  A lifelong dream to be in the field of science.  My dream was shattered once I had an inside view of certain environmental practices.  My demise in terms of career destruction came soon after.  At first I was devastated and felt lost, until I realized my true call was something 'entirely' different, helping people with addiction problems.  So it was back to school all over again to become a counselor in drug treatment, a move that clicked with me and I stayed until retirement.  One never knows from what direction an opportinity may present itself.   An old 60's saying....."keep on keepin on"    Dani 
Title: Re: Utterly devastated
Post by: awilliams1701 on December 24, 2014, 11:49:10 AM
It sucks I know. But back when I thought I was a straight guy, I've interviewed for two different companies that went extremely well and I didn't get the job.
The first one was 14ish years ago. I had 2 interviews and after the second one they introduced me to my new coworkers. Then I got a call a couple weeks later that I didn't get the job. I found out later on from someone I knew that worked there that they implemented a hiring freeze so no one got the job.
The second one was back in 2010. I felt I was exceptionally qualified for the job. The interview went extremely well. I met many of the people I would be working with. I seemed to be getting along with everyone including the interviewers (yes there were 2). Yet I never got a call back. I don't know what happened, however they told me they promised 4 other people interviews. I can only suspect they found someone else.
But now I have a job I like a great deal. Yes it has its issues, but for the most part everything is great here. You'll find one eventually.
Title: Re: Utterly devastated
Post by: LizMarie on December 24, 2014, 11:59:54 AM
Grace, there are two reasons to send the letter Cindy mentions.

One is in case there's a change, slim though it may be.

The other, however, makes a positive impression with the employer. They know you were interested and you've taken being passed over maturely and still look at the company in a positive light. For some employers that becomes an "Aha!" moment and your name becomes one they might call back later about another position. In fact, I know one person who did this, and the company was so impressed that they turned around and created a new position just to grab the person.

So send the letter. It can't hurt at all and it could help later in different ways.


As for the job search, don't give up! You'll find something wonderful, I'm sure!
Title: Re: Utterly devastated
Post by: ImagineKate on December 24, 2014, 12:12:38 PM
Quote from: Ellesmira the Duck on December 24, 2014, 10:43:48 AM
How lame, I don't think anyone has even called my references before >_< I'm sure you'll find work soon! Don't give up yet ^_^

Employers have called me as a reference because I've been a supervisor/manager and I am one now.

I am honest but I warn people putting me as a reference that I am. Most of them who use me as a reference get the job.

So yes, they do call. Always be prepared for them to call.
Title: Re: Utterly devastated
Post by: Athena on December 24, 2014, 12:26:00 PM
Stay strong it will happen for you sooner or later.
Title: Re: Utterly devastated
Post by: rachel89 on December 24, 2014, 02:52:28 PM
I'm sorry to that you were not hired, for no other reason than the other candidate's references were more super-enthusiatic about the candidate. I think I can understand how upsetting this is for you. In the U.S., there is still a shortage of good jobs in many places (but lots of low-wage service-economy jobs), and it can be even more difficult when you happen to be a transgender person. I hope you can get hired somewhere else, hopefully at an even better place soon.

Hugs   
Title: Re: Utterly devastated
Post by: Eva Marie on December 24, 2014, 03:49:23 PM
I'm sorry Grace that you didn't get the job. But you never know, they may have already chosen a candidate before they did the obligatory interview process to satisfy a company rule. I ran into that a bunch the last time I was job hunting and it is aggravating. Write the thank you letter and treat yourself to something nice and then get back out there girl! :)
Title: Re: Utterly devastated
Post by: Zumbagirl on December 24, 2014, 04:00:17 PM
When I went full time oh so many years ago now, I was so worried about job prospects. I went through a lot of job interviews. I even had people get up from the interview and leave without even saying thanks for coming in. It was very hurtful but I kept at it. It took a lot of persistence to land back into the working world again. Now the funny thing is, years later these same people come to me looking for a job. It's very funny how things end up. Keep at it, and don't worry. I am sure you will do fine. It just takes a lot of stick-to-it-iveness to get where you want to be.
Title: Re: Utterly devastated
Post by: Ms Grace on December 24, 2014, 04:31:08 PM
Thanks everyone, your support and well wishes has helped me through this more than you can realise. It's another day and I feel a bit better, enough to face it anyway. I know something will probably be out there... I just feel like I took a leap of faith, missed the ledge by a fingernail because the rules changed mid leap and now I'm plummeting into who knows what...............and it's scary.

@ Eva, no I think this was a totally new position with no internal applicants. But sometimes it's who you know that makes the difference.

@ Kate, yes, this is the first time I've had a ref call me to tell me they've been contacted about me and then not get the job. I guess they were in a hurry to make a decision before the new year and rather than call a second interview (which I would have preferred) they split the hairs over the refs- a bunch of people who, quite frankly, could be anyone.

@ Dee, not quite sure what you mean...??
Title: Re: Utterly devastated
Post by: Monica Jean on December 24, 2014, 05:15:02 PM
Late to this topic.  Sorry you had to go through all that.  Sounds horrific to be right up at the top and not get chosen :(

HUGS  (and polish)
Title: Re: Utterly devastated
Post by: Stephanie2 on December 24, 2014, 05:27:20 PM
Grace, I know how you feel. I desperately needed a job that I could make a living at, especially since the job I have now ends on New Year's Eve. I want for another job, which would have been ideal. More money, benefits, which my present job doesn't have, plus very close to home, saving much gas money. Ideal. The interviewer was very impressed with me and sounded like I was going to get the job. I was qualified for the job and everything. Well, I didn't get the job. Life just isn't fair. Nothing we can do about it, as I did everything correctly, but to just keep trying. Sooner or later will get something. Just that it most likely be later.
Title: Re: Utterly devastated
Post by: Ms Grace on December 24, 2014, 06:30:24 PM
All the best on your job hunt Stephanie. It's crushing to miss out. Here's to something great just over the horizon.
Title: Re: Utterly devastated
Post by: Dee Marshall on December 24, 2014, 07:30:57 PM
What I meant, Grace, is that you said, I believe, that your current position was to be made redundant on or about Jan12. Nasty suspicious mind that I have, I wonder if that position will be redundant just long enough to get you out of it and then a few weeks later be recreated. If this were to happen is there anyone there who would tell you that that happened?
Title: Re: Utterly devastated
Post by: Stephanie2 on December 25, 2014, 08:52:49 AM
One thing I could say, though. I do have premonitions occasionally and when I went for that job, I did have the feeling that I wouldn't get it. Even though the interviewer made it sound like I got the job. Premonitions can be good or bad, but can create pessimistic feelings when a bad one occurs. My premonitions would be equivalent to a woman's intuition, I guess. So, I guess I am intuitive! 
Title: Re: Utterly devastated
Post by: Stephanie2 on December 25, 2014, 08:55:06 AM
Oh, and thanks, Grace!!
Title: Re: Utterly devastated
Post by: V M on December 25, 2014, 05:01:47 PM
Every time I read the tittle I picture exploding boobs  >:-)




*Runs to hide*
Title: Re: Utterly devastated
Post by: Ms Grace on December 25, 2014, 05:06:39 PM
Quote from: Dee Walker on December 24, 2014, 07:30:57 PM
What I meant, Grace, is that you said, I believe, that your current position was to be made redundant on or about Jan12. Nasty suspicious mind that I have, I wonder if that position will be redundant just long enough to get you out of it and then a few weeks later be recreated. If this were to happen is there anyone there who would tell you that that happened?

Oh yeah, no doubt I'd find out. They're a bit too clever for that, based on past behaviour it will be different enough to not be the same job.

Quote from: V M on December 25, 2014, 05:01:47 PM
Every time I read the tittle I picture exploding boobs  >:-)

..."tittle"? I think that explains why you might have boobs on your mind!! ;D