Hi everyone,
I'm Grace. I'm new here and just beginning my journey with the assistance of a gender therapist. I don't yet know how far transition will take me. One of my biggest concerns about RLE / full time is the fact that I am 6'4". I am trying to figure out whether this means I would never pass, even with every feminization procedure available to me. I'd be grateful to hear thoughts and experiences from others who have found themselves in a similar situation.
Grace
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Quote from: NerissaGrace on January 03, 2015, 10:39:32 PM
Hi everyone,
I'm Grace. I'm new here and just beginning my journey with the assistance of a gender therapist. I don't yet know how far transition will take me. One of my biggest concerns about RLE / full time is the fact that I am 6'4". I am trying to figure out whether this means I would never pass, even with every feminization procedure available to me. I'd be grateful to hear thoughts and experiences from others who have found themselves in a similar situation.
Welcome Grace, another tallette here. I'm 6'7" and have been full time since March 2014. I pass without any problems at all with my height. I do get looks, but then again I also did when I presented male. Tall is tall!!! I don't think about it anymore, but when I first went out dressed and full time, I would get stares and I was questioning whether I was passing or not even though I was always being called Ma'am. When I noticed that while sitting, I wasn't getting those same looks, I knew it was just my height that was getting me looks. Just today I was having dinner with my grandmother out and I overhead a conversion when I got up to go the the women's room. They were saying things like: "Wow, she must be well over 6 feet tall. She's beautiful."
Being tall you will stand out, but confidence goes a long way. I get more complements on my height than anything else and I also get hit on (right in front of my wife) all the time. Another thing that does happen on occasion is this. I'll walk up to a cashier and they are not looking up putting money away (or something) and will only see me out of the corner of their eye and see someone very tall and just assume male. They would say something like "I'll be right with you sir." or "May I help you sir....." and then lookup and say, "I'm so sorry ma'am, wow your tall." Many time apologizing profusely.
Also don't forget, there are cis women that are very tall. I know one my height and another that is 6'8".
Hi Grace from another tall Grace - I'm 6'3". And yes, I really worried that my height would be a dead give away but honestly it has not been an issue. While I am yet to meet a genetic woman taller than me I know they exist and I've seen quite a few that have come very close. 99% of people never do a double take, they just take me on face value as a tall woman. As Sydney says a lot of it is about confidence. I realise I stand out and I don't try to hide that, there's no point.
I was 6'4" in my boots tonight. Nobody looked at me funny once during movie/dinner date night with my wife. If you own it, it is yours.
Check out Stana's famous females of height page: https://sites.google.com/site/femulate/Home/being-tall-1#ffoh (https://sites.google.com/site/femulate/Home/being-tall-1#ffoh)
We're all short compared to the tallest woman. Sandy Allen is seven feet seven inches.
-Alana
Hi :icon_wave:
Welcome to Susan's :) Glad to have you here, join on in the fun
Hugs
V M
Tall girls are the most beautiful. All my relationships have been with girls over 6'. Don't worry about it, sis. :)
Quote from: Pikachu on January 04, 2015, 06:09:59 AM
Tall girls are the most beautiful.
You bet we are! ;)
Amazons rule!! ;D
I'm over 6 ft and was constantly wishing that I was shorter so I could blend in more, or "pass" better. From my experiences, yes people might pick you out from your height what they will notice is your confidence. If you own it and have your head held high it will show, same goes if your head is down staring at the ground the whole time.
I'm the runt here at only 6ft w/o heels. I am also a dinosaur having grown up in an era of the average female height of 5'4". Being tall was also a major concern of mine. In my early 20's when I first experimented with transitioning the absolute last thing I wanted and needed was to stand out. I spent a childhood learning that standing out was NOT a good thing.
These days life is different thanks to a far far higher self esteem and loss of a lot of the shame and most of the guilt about being trans. As others said you just stand out because tall is tall. I am also thin so in a world of overweight women I stand out. A good female friend of mine was a runt in her family at 6ft tall. Her brothers towered over me.
Besides just loving it, I do girlie girl, always presenting as unambiguous female presentation as I can be it in a dress or jeans. In a world where women my age long ago gave up being or even looking like women I stand out. IT IS GREAT! What an ego booster it is getting looks from guys and the ocassional evil eye from women ;D
I am 5 10 so not as tall, but I do find that I have to ensure I don't stoop. The tendency is to hunch a bit to hide height, but that makes things worse. As others say, it's really about how you carry yourself and your confidence.
Wow... Thank you to all of the amazing women here for your encouraging and insightful responses. It does make me ever so slightly less terrified of where this is all heading :) I am so grateful this place exists. Given that this forum already has a tall amazing Grace, I think I will go by both of my chosen names, Nerissa Grace, if that's OK.
Nerissa Grace
Shoulders back, hold your head high, and like others said, own it. Being tall doesn't make you not pass, it just draws attention, and if your presentaiton doesn't blend, then you won't pass cuz they looked you up and down, which shorter women deal with less. 50% of passing is confidence, you have to project it. I am 6'2"ish, I get comments constantly about my height, but they are more like wow you're a tall lady, not wow you must be trans.
Just like you I'm 6'4". I had the same doubts when I started my RLE. On my first day of college I was wondering why people looked at my new shoes that much. I found out when I saw a tall girl on the train and was looking if she was that tall by herself or because she was wearing heels. My experience is that people don't tend to link tall women with being transgendered. You will stand out nonetheless, that's when Kristina's advice comes in. If you hold your head down people will want to know what's 'wrong' with you. When I don't pass I know it's because of my facial features, not my height. You're starting young, so I think you'll be just fine. When the time comes hold your head up high and enjoy finally going out as the girl you are.
One thing that can get annoying is when people say; "Wow, your so tall", like you've never heard that a single time in your life before. People asking if you do modeling and men saying your length is beautiful make up for that though.
Oh, and BTW I'm the same height as Venus Williams (6' 1"). I love to wear my heels.
-Alana
Quote from: PurpleCrown on January 04, 2015, 11:54:33 AM
I had the same doubts when I started my RLE. On my first day of college I was wondering why people looked at my new shoes that much. I found out when I saw a tall girl on the train and was looking if she was that tall by herself or because she was wearing heels.
Ha! Yes, my experience exactly!
It's funny but I don't think I've had a single comment about my height in all of the last nine months of RLE. When I tell some people my height they seem surprised, that maybe they didn't think I was that tall. I am rather slender though so that may have something to do with it. Also I guess ever since I became tall as a kid I've been trying to find ways to make my height seem less intimidating.
Quote from: BunnyBee on January 04, 2015, 11:50:35 AM
Shoulders back, hold your head high, and like others said, own it. Being tall doesn't make you not pass, it just draws attention, and if your presentaiton doesn't blend, then you won't pass cuz they looked you up and down, which shorter women deal with less. 50% of passing is confidence, you have to project it. I am 6'2"ish, I get comments constantly about my height, but they are more like wow you're a tall lady, not wow you must be trans.
Totally agree, I'm 6'2"ish also and apparently here in the West being a tall woman has something to do with a drink of water :icon_chick:
Quote from: V M on January 04, 2015, 04:23:27 PM
Totally agree, I'm 6'2"ish also and apparently here in the West being a tall woman has something to do with a drink of water :icon_chick:
A tall cool woman in a black dress??
Do you all feel you need to wear flats in public or are there cases where you feel heels can be appropriate? I am trying to imagine whether I would be doomed to a life of sensible shoes :). Thank you for all of the comments about self-confidence - that is definitely going to be a journey for me in many respects. I'm 52 and a lot of this feels pretty disorienting.
Nerissa Grace
Quote from: Alana_Jane on January 04, 2015, 04:30:02 PM
A tall cool woman in a black dress??
:eusa_think: I do like that song, and I do have a few black dresses :icon_chick:
Hugs
I do wear heals on occasion, sometimes I just like the way they make my legs loos and it's hard to find boots without heels. I don't go more than 3 inch heals, because then I start to hit door frames. However I only wear heels that a 44 your old cis-woman would wear.
Quote from: NerissaGrace on January 04, 2015, 04:42:11 PM
Do you all feel you need to wear flats in public or are there cases where you feel heels can be appropriate? I am trying to imagine whether I would be doomed to a life of sensible shoes :). Thank you for all of the comments about self-confidence - that is definitely going to be a journey for me in many respects. I'm 52 and a lot of this feels pretty disorienting.
Nerissa Grace
I have huge feet, so finding the right shoes can be hard sometimes. I wear sneakers most of the time, but also have some boots with small heels. I do wear higher heels to parties, job interviews etc. or when I feel like it'd make a good addiction to an outfit.
Quote from: Sydney_NYC on January 04, 2015, 04:51:54 PM
I don't go more than 3 inch heals, because then I start to hit door frames.
Nothing too high though for this exact reason xD
I'm tall either with or without heels, so an extra few inches won't change my situation. :)
Quote from: V M on January 04, 2015, 04:23:27 PM
Totally agree, I'm 6'2"ish also and apparently here in the West being a tall woman has something to do with a drink of water :icon_chick:
Haha.
Quote from: NerissaGrace on January 04, 2015, 04:42:11 PM
Do you all feel you need to wear flats in public or are there cases where you feel heels can be appropriate? I am trying to imagine whether I would be doomed to a life of sensible shoes :). Thank you for all of the comments about self-confidence - that is definitely going to be a journey for me in many respects. I'm 52 and a lot of this feels pretty disorienting.
Nerissa Grace
I never wear heels. Cute flats are a thing, don't worry.
I've found my shoes though Payless. Some stores will carry up to a 13w. I have a pair of black patent Karmen pumps in 12w and a set of black ballet flats in 13(regular). Once you're already tall, what's another 3" :-*
-Alana
It is funny, as in very sad, it seems once you pass the magic "Size 10" in women's shoes they all seem to suddenly get totally butt ugly and/or have 3-6 inch heels. Like WTF? I'm in the borderline of 10-11 but a really odd shaped foot with a very large arch. Forget pull-up boots >:( Along with a lot of shoe styles that actually cover the foot.
Nevertheless, I tend towards heels in the sub 3" height since I love being in a skirt. I also have some decent, but plain, flats. One time when I was trying on shoes, in particular a pair of flats, I just had to laugh when I thought to myself how odd it is to be in flats! And I was barely part-time then
You can pass even if tall, I do and I'm 6'4" unofficially (I won't admit to any additional height except under oath). There are many other factors though that go into it. Height even extreme height isn't enough to cause you to be read. I try to avoid heels, but I do wear some.
I am 6' and used to worry about it but after meeting and hearing how many tall women are on here I just keep thinking blend blend blend. One think I know for sure people come in all shape and sizes. A guy shorter then 5' 4" is no less a guy then a guy 6' so why should it be different for us women.
Vicky
Quote from: NerissaGrace on January 04, 2015, 04:42:11 PM
Do you all feel you need to wear flats in public or are there cases where you feel heels can be appropriate? I am trying to imagine whether I would be doomed to a life of sensible shoes :). Thank you for all of the comments about self-confidence - that is definitely going to be a journey for me in many respects. I'm 52 and a lot of this feels pretty disorienting.
Nerissa Grace
It takes a little time to figure out what is "you" and your style and comfort level in clothes and shoes. I always tell people to be patient and not go out and buy a lot of shoes until they figure out what works for them. Some of that is trial and error, but you can learn some of it. One of my cis F friends warned me early on not to chintz on shoes as well made ones tend to be more comfortable and last longer, but that meant trying a few inexpensive pairs in various styles. You can get a lot of good quality shoes on sale our from catalogs (once you know your sizes in various lines). The catalogs also tend to include larger sizes -- even for major brands -- and at sale time often that's what's left. I am lucky in that I can usually just buy a 10, but it varies. I do see that more stores are now carrying larger sizes, though.
I am about your age , and I find that I don't have to "go" sensible. I do wear heels. But I also don't like heels higher than about 3". Some of it is very much about being age appropriate, but often it's also just about being "classic". You can look for "kitten heels" which are about 1.5-2 inches. There are plenty of very nice flats and low heeled shoes that are perfectly in fashion at any age. Go through some of the catalogs, or even just watch when you are out. I wear heels when in the appropriate setting, but often I'm wearing flats or boots. You can get flat heel boots ( I have many pairs, most of which are flat) from most boot making brands.
Because I walk so much, I don't often wear heels outside the office or events. But that's pretty common for most women. Heels are not practical much of the time. Most women have a few "go to" pairs of shoes that they rotate through because of what they do for work or because of the comfort or style. Then they have a stash of other shoes that go with various outfits or for occasions. I always tell people to just get a couple pairs of black pumps at a heights they want to try, along with a couple of pairs of flats, and see what works. Also: give yourself time to break in shoes, especially heels. Most women have a love-hate relationship with their shoes. When you find one that works and is comfortable, buy a second pair. They are harder to find than you think.