I was wondering how all of you guys came out to your friends and family and such? Any advice?
I told them I'd been diagnosed with gender identity disorder and would be transitioning to male. The first few were pretty terrifying, but then I got used to it after that. For my clients, I wrote them a letter explaining the name and pronoun change.
I found that a more scientific approach, emphasizing the diagnosis part was the best.
Dennis
I just unceremoniously blurted it out in a time of distress to my mother, who in turn blurted it out to my stepdad. Both are cool with it.
Well, after many years of drama, my family had a pretty good idea of the situation they were dealing with. It was after my third suicide attempt that I decided to be honest and tell them what was actually going on with me.
The first person I told was my youngest sister, and she supported me from the very start. I, then, told my parents during dinner one night. My dad was like "OK, so?". He's a sweetheart. My mom, on the other hand, had a difficult time understanding "things" at first, and it took her several sessions with my gender therapist to finally assimilate what I had been going through since ever.
Eventually I told the rest of my family; everyone was very supportive and concerned about my well-being. I feel very lucky to have such an
open-minded, caring, and loving family. It does make a difference, and I honestly think that I couldn't have succeded if they hadn't accepted me.
All my so called friends distanced from me when I told them I was TS. After a few months on HRT, the physcial changes were pretty obvious so they stopped calling and I never heard from them again. With the exception of two people, my new circle of friends (which isn't that big, probably five or six people) don't know I wasn't born female. If they ever ask, I will tell them, but so far that hasn't happened.
tink :icon_chick:
Quote from: greg-unknown on August 23, 2007, 06:31:56 PM
I was wondering how all of you guys came out to your friends and family and such? Any advice?
With me, it depends on who, why and when.
In the beginning, such as with my job, I had a formal meeting with each Officer and presented a "package" explaining what I was doing and why, complete with a letter from my therapist and a copy of the book
"True Selves."But as time went on, I got over feeling the need to "explain" the whole thing, and just mention it casually if appropriate. For example, I bumped onto yet another neighbor today who hasn't really seen me since I transitioned. I went over to him and just said,
"Hi Bill! How are you? Listen, I've been meaning to tell you... I'm doin' the whole sex change thing, and I'm going by the name Kate now."He just said,
"Oh! Yea, I knew that was your car pulling in, but didn't know who it was driving it, lol. Now I get it. Can you believe they charged me $75 to clean out my ducts today?" And that's all that was said about it.
I swear, that's as complicated as it gets usually.
I understand some things are critical and worthy of planning, such as with an employer and family. But overall, I've found that giving people a ton of information right away often creates a tone of justification, like you're trying to make sure they APPROVE rather than simply UNDERSTAND. IMHO, in most situations, it seems to work best if you just INFORM them of what you're doing, and let them come to you with questions if they want to. At least that's worked for me, although I understand everyone's circumstances are different.
~Kate~
That's one of those things that will depend greatly on the person you're talking to; and there may be some more distantly removed family members for example that you may choose to not ever formally come out to... it just depends.
For close family members though, I really urge you to discuss it them as soon as is realistic, rather then living in the closet. If you fear a really bad reaction from someone, you might want to have a trusted third party with you, preferably that the other person knows and respects as well.
Be honest with them; assure them (for family) that they didn't "do anything" wrong to 'make you this way'; and let them know that you want to honestly share this part of your life because you love them and it's important to you that your relation isn't based on dishonesty.
If someone rejects you, at least initially, don't let it dissaude you or destroy you - it'll hurt, but you'll get through it. If possible, leave the door open to them to back and let them know that, but don't let it stop you.
Good luck man!
Scott
I told my parents during dinner, and I shook throughout. Then I walked the dog and got my strength back.
Harder was telling them that I was not a woman, and had misinterpreted a few feelings I had. I hate admitting I'm wrong to my parents.
told my mom when I was 12 or 13. started wearin dude clothes after that. my brothers (dont have sisters) always knew. my family to. no need to tell nobody. everybody knew & they were cool w/it. my buddies know. they dont care. they see me as a dude 'cause I'm a dude. I get more sh#t from the trans dudes
(u gotta say this or that) non trans dudes dont give a %^&*@
well, you make a better dude than i have ever.
i just came out about 15mins ago to my counsellor. 1st time ive told anyone. im not ready for family etc to know yet though. i wrote down some things as i felt awkward about saying it to begin with. she read it, we went for a walk and she was very nice. i was so nervous! so then i just told her and we had a chat.
My parents are no longer living, thus I didn't have to put them through that ordeal. The rest of my family reacted fairly well. I'm not very attached to my family so I can't tell you what they think of me now that I look completely female. I presume they're still accepting of me but if they aren't. That's a terrible pity.
My partner always knew since I met her... My best mate I told him when I was about 14 and my two closet mates know as I just blurted it out and they where cool with it! w00p w00p!
I was discovered. I didn't really tell anyone... they found out. And then all hell broke loose.
Cindi
i only told my mum and dad and i let them tell everyone else lol they already new because i had been saying i was a boy since i was about 3 lol
freinds wise i just told them my new name and that i am male and let them ask any questions they wanted they seemed cool with that ;D
My advice is just be yourself... i sat my family down when i told them, did it in small groups. My friends i called on the phone or got together for lunch. I didn't make a big deal out of it with my friends, just kind of said it matter of factly. Said that nothing changes, only i will be happier living as my true self.
"work" was a little different, i said i was changing my name and they asked why so i told them.
My children (both in their twenties) I simply told--separately. I think I was on a walk with my daughter, and I told my son over breakfast. One friend I told during some intense email exchanges in which we were both revealing some important things about ourselves. I told my sister during a phone conversation. My parents have been dead for several years, so I too don't have to deal with that one.
As for work, I wrote a letter that I gave to my supervisors and all the people I regularly work with.
I do have a cousin I'm close to (she lives in another state, and our contact is mostly by phone) that I haven't told, and I think I'm going to write her a letter. I think she is going to have a harder time with it than anyone else in my life has, and I've been putting it off a bit.
Quote from: Cindi Jones on August 24, 2007, 04:25:28 PM
I was discovered. I didn't really tell anyone... they found out. And then all hell broke loose.
Cindi
this is what im afraid of, all hell breaking loose...
I disclosed it all to my folks when I was 16. It carried on from there.
Quote from: greg-unknown on September 08, 2007, 08:42:15 PM
Quote from: Cindi Jones on August 24, 2007, 04:25:28 PM
I was discovered. I didn't really tell anyone... they found out. And then all hell broke loose.
Cindi
this is what im afraid of, all hell breaking loose...
Me too, considering the times I have
tried to tell mum she has told I'm too young to make such a 'life changing' decision and I need to wait until I'm older. I HAVE to tell them in the next six days, which will be REALLY fun. I'll let you know what I do/how it goes man.
EDIT -- I did it last night. Prefaced it with having to quit uni for this semester cause I'm going to fail (again) and I can't afford more Ns on my academic record. I then told them I had been going to the gender clinic and seen an endo etc etc. Their main concern is still that I'm too young (19), but they understand I need to do this to better myself psychologically. Mum has been waiting for this to happen since I was little. I just told them while we were all standing in their bedroom watching dad unpack from his trip. I decided maybe that was better than formally 'sitting them down'. They're requested I wait to change my name etc until my brother finishes school in November (so the shock of it all doesn't disrupt his studies) which I agreed would be reasonable. The main thing is, I have their support at last.
...i told my mom. she says she was waiting for it to happen. and she isnt upset about it.
Quote from: greg-unknown on September 13, 2007, 02:49:40 PM
...i told my mom. she says she was waiting for it to happen. and she isnt upset about it.
The question is, will she let you do anything about it? My dad did a circle and said last night he thinks I need more 'life experience' before I make such a 'life changing decision'. I'm not really sure how I feel about that yet.
I haven't come out yet, but I have bought magazines with articles on gender (NewsWeek and CosmoGirl, neither of which I read regularly lol), and left them lying around the house, and I've been hanging out with an FTM friend of mine who I've known since elementary school. Even went with him to the place he goes to get his T shot. I'm not expecting my parents to figure it out on their own, but I want to at least get them used to the idea of ->-bleeped-<- so it's not something that comes out of the blue. I have no idea if it's working or not, but I like to think positive lol.
My parents didn't do too well with the "i like girls" thing four or five years ago, so I know they won't be okay with the transgender thing. I'm working on getting my own place, and could be moving in soon, so when I do that, I'll be able to come out to them without fear of getting kicked out and having nowhere to go.
I told my sister, but I don't think she took it seriously. I've been out for a little over a year with my friends (and even they are having a tough time getting used to my new name)
i havent talked to her about it since then, im kinda nervous to.
I only told my parents a few months ago. It was kinda strangely told. Here's the story (I'll try to make it short):
I wanted to buy Resident Evil 4 Wii Edition as my first Wii game, but my dad wouldn't let me get it because it was rated M. I was really upset. But anyway, that night, I started crying, and to dad and my step-mom, it seemed as though I was upset about the game, but I'd never cry over something that insignificant. I was crying because of the fact that video games are the only thing I can do that make sense to boys and girls. (Not as much to girls, but my friend plays video games too.) I just couldn't take the fact between the unfairness that my dad wouldn't let me get an M rated game because I was too young, and because I was cursed with being a girl. I really am responsible and Mature, which the game is rated for. Anyway, my dad finally took a hint and asked whether it had anything to do with the game. I shook my head no, and the conversation went on for a while until I couldn't take it anymore and just blurted out, "Because I hate being a girl!" You could just feel the air become stiff all of a sudden, but after we talked for a while, they were cool with it. I told my dad all the details later, and he told my mom for me. She was cool with it too.
Sorry for the long story (again). I just can't help it, I have to tell the whole story.
But anyway, good luck to coming out to your parents, and if you're still a teen, good luck with the waiting period to transition.
Posted on: October 11, 2007, 03:57:44 PM
Sorry to double post, but I have a question too.
I've told my family, and they're ok with it, but I want to talk to them some more. I can't really seem to talk to any of them alone though, because my sister is always with me, and my parents are always taking care of her cause she's depressed for no reason. Does anyone know how I can get them alone long enough to talk to them?
It was hard at first because at first I wasn't the one who wasn't accepting, even though I wanted to get rid of this body. But after I told my parents; more and more as the time went by, I told the rest of my family a little easier. Almost none of them accept, but I dont care anymore. Noone is going to stop from achieving my biggest dream.
I told everyone when I was 14, if people asked (and they do,), I told them I was male. I go to the most alternative school in the country, and pretty much everyone who knows I exist knows that I used to be a girl. It's like, 'oh yeah and by the way' or if they don't know I'm male, and then they use the wrong pronoun, and I correct them, sometimes I have to explain it. Or in drama class, it's like, 'I can't do the breathing thing with my chest bound' 'well, why do you have your chest bound' ''cause I have breasts and I'm not supposed to' 'oh, ok, well, try to do it anyway'. There are 2 or three other trans kids at my school, so it's not a big deal.
Quote from: Tink on August 23, 2007, 09:51:41 PM
After a few months on HRT, the physcial changes were pretty obvious so they stopped calling and I never heard from them again. With the exception of two people, my new circle of friends (which isn't that big, probably five or six people) don't know I wasn't born female. If they ever ask, I will tell them, but so far that hasn't happened.
tink :icon_chick:
It was for the best if they left...Move on and find a new place because the old place wasn't for you. That's part of life, if people don't accept you and be friends- it's for a reason and it's a blessing in disguise.