So I'm dating another trans woman roughly my age (20's) and we are the same height at 6 feet tall. However, she passes and I don't. A lot of people say we have very similar facial features and hair to the point where sometimes people mistake us for each other in facebook pictures lol. However, objectively looking at her and myself body wise, I could tell she is built smaller, frame wise. In some parts of her body I know this is true...slightly smaller hands and feet. But I don't have enormous hands either so it wouldn't deter me from passing. What I do feel deters me is my head size and the size of my torso and legs and such. She looks to me like she has slimmer legs and a small head as well as a slimmer torso with smaller ribcage (underbust). But here's the interesting part....upon measuring each other with a tape measure, on the whole I ended up having smaller sized legs, torso, and even underbust. And our head size was exactly the same. So I don't get it. Is it my perception warping my mind and making think I look bigger all the time? My measurements seem to fall into reasonably into cis female ranges especially for my height, and if she can pass....why am I not? Or do measurements not mean ->-bleeped-<-? Like there's tons of other trans girls with my same body measurements or many that are far far worse and they seem to pass. There are tons of pictures I have even where my gf looks slightly smaller than me too, frame wise, so I don't get it.
Believe it or not, women usually have larger heads as compared to their overall body structure. I have a fat head. Believe it or not, it makes my shoulders look smaller. And besides, you can't change those basic measurements. So don't worry about it. It simply doesn't matter. We will always be envious of other women.... it's in our nature!
Chin up!
Cindi
Girls come in all shapes and sizes, embrace what you are, which doesn't sound to bad :)
Hi lemons, well as they say we are all unique.
I think you pass though, given your previous pictures.
Hmm a few things come to mind, like what you wear might be the cause of appearing bigger? Or maybe your posture? for example my shoulders look huge when I let them go forward even though I have a pretty small frame. Without pictures or seeing you in person, its hard to give any advice honestly.
A lot goes into passability. Physical presence, more than looks. Body movement. Gestures. Facial expressions. Voice. The size of your hands are really important, as is the shape of your head. I found passing to be a trial-and-error sort of thing. Try various things and see how you're perceived. I can tell when I don't pass by the nature of the looks I get from people I pass. Women smile at me when I pass, they tend to stare, gawk, or glare when I don't.
Keep at it. There were periods of time I was really discouraged, but I pass most of the time now.
What Cindi Jones said -- so true! Cindi, I've always said I have a 'lollipop' head -- haha (and it makes me laugh).
As for being envious of other women, it is truly in our nature as females to be that way. Seems like when I see an athletic woman on tv around my age, it makes want to exercise even more. I've noticed men don't do that with each other. I observe my husband and his friends -- they are so different!! but I like it that way.
Quote from: lemons on March 09, 2015, 04:01:40 PM
So I'm dating another trans woman roughly my age (20's) and we are the same height at 6 feet tall. However, she passes and I don't. A lot of people say we have very similar facial features and hair to the point where sometimes people mistake us for each other in facebook pictures lol. However, objectively looking at her and myself body wise, I could tell she is built smaller, frame wise. In some parts of her body I know this is true...slightly smaller hands and feet. But I don't have enormous hands either so it wouldn't deter me from passing. What I do feel deters me is my head size and the size of my torso and legs and such. She looks to me like she has slimmer legs and a small head as well as a slimmer torso with smaller ribcage (underbust). But here's the interesting part....upon measuring each other with a tape measure, on the whole I ended up having smaller sized legs, torso, and even underbust. And our head size was exactly the same. So I don't get it. Is it my perception warping my mind and making think I look bigger all the time? My measurements seem to fall into reasonably into cis female ranges especially for my height, and if she can pass....why am I not? Or do measurements not mean ->-bleeped-<-? Like there's tons of other trans girls with my same body measurements or many that are far far worse and they seem to pass. There are tons of pictures I have even where my gf looks slightly smaller than me too, frame wise, so I don't get it.
Can you share pictures of both you and your girlfriend noting which is you and which is her?
Without seeing pictures, I agree with above comments. Women come in all different shapes and sizes. Could it be your confidence level? Many times if confidence is low, people pick up on that. Also, are you confident that you aren't passing? A friend of mine who is also TS thinks she gets clocked on a regular basis, and she actually doesn't! She thinks people looking at her, or side glances constitute being clocked, when in reality she is gorgeous and people are looking for that reason.
Based on what you say you both pass equally well in pictures, especially if you are being mistaken for each other.
That pretty much leaves posture, voice, mannerisms and movements, I guess those would the the areas I'd look at.
Maybe she dresses for her/your body shape better than you do?
Quote from: Seras on March 10, 2015, 11:09:12 PM
Maybe she dresses for her/your body shape better than you do?
Nope, we literally borrow each others clothes. We have pretty much the exact same style...t-shirt, jeans, etc. I mean we both dress for our body type, but yeah.
Quote from: antonia on March 10, 2015, 09:56:04 PM
Based on what you say you both pass equally well in pictures, especially if you are being mistaken for each other.
That pretty much leaves posture, voice, mannerisms and movements, I guess those would the the areas I'd look at.
Yeah we both pass reasonably well in pictures, though she passes in most candids and I don't...usually only in selfies.
So here's the two of us. Not keeping this up for long, but yeah. I'm on the left in the striped shirt and black pants, shes on the right in the blue long sleeve shirt and blue jeans:
(removed)
I tend to think she has a smaller head, as it often appears much smaller and thinner...yet around it measures exactly the same as mine. I know it's the same length just about.
it's the haircut. you look more fem imo but the haircut is what sets you apart.
Quote from: chefskenzie on March 11, 2015, 11:53:56 AM
it's the haircut. you look more fem imo but the haircut is what sets you apart.
Yes. Your haircut determines 90% of your gender image.
barbie~~
Quote from: barbie on March 11, 2015, 02:36:49 PM
Your haircut determines 90% of your gender image.
I'm sorry... I thought it was the attitude !?
It is. But outside of the attitude. The hair will clock you faster than anything
Quote from: chefskenzie on March 11, 2015, 02:48:18 PM
It is. But outside of the attitude. The hair will clock you faster than anything
I can think of one thing that would clock me faster than hair! :D
oh lord! I am scared to ask! But seriously though. Confidence/Attitude is major, but if you have the wrong haircut that shows off the wrong features,