My mom is in hospice, and soon I'll be seeing family. I just sent an email to both my sisters explaining that I've changed and things could get awkward. I laid my cards right on the table, now I'm waiting. Nervously.
Hugs, Devlyn
I hope it goes well for you, Devlyn.
Your sense of humor will get you through!
You'll be fine. You know what can happen. Some bad, some good, and some quite unexpected excellence. Good for you for finally coming out! I think that transition is not a brave thing like so many have told me. Rather, it is telling your family and friends. THAT, my dear is very brave. We are proud of you!
Chin up!
Cindi
All the best to you and your mom, Devlyn.
Sorry you're mom is in Hospice. and yeah, it can make you nervous, but you'll get through it.
I remember when I had to see family I hadn't seen in a very long time in Georgia when we went down to take care of my grandma's ashes, I was already living as me and carrying a purse and all that, not a one of them said anything about it, lol. I never offered an explanation for anything either. I figured I wasn't close enough to any of them for it to matter.
And people, stop putting cats in bags, its inhumane!!!
Quote from: marsh monster on March 14, 2015, 09:14:41 PM
And people, stop putting cats in bags, its inhumane!!!
So true!
Anyway, I hope it goes well for you. Family can be surprising in their responses.
I hope all goes well for you. :angel:
Hugs to you Mum.
And my total support for your decision. I hope it goes awesomely
Hugs
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on March 14, 2015, 09:03:28 PM
My mom is in hospice, and soon I'll be seeing family. I just sent an email to both my sisters explaining that I've changed and things could get awkward. I laid my cards right on the table, now I'm waiting. Nervously.
Hugs, Devlyn
You have any eight's?
Lots of support
Hugs
Good luck and from what I have seen you post I think you are a strong person that will do just fine:) And family can surprise you in ways you never thought hopefully in a good way!
Cats love bags.
But I'm glad that Devlyn's is out. Sounds like it needs to be. I have my fingers crossed, DM.
I hope everything goes well for you, Devlyn. I will keep my fingers crossed that you get the best response possible.
Quote from: marsh monster on March 14, 2015, 09:14:41 PM
And people, stop putting cats in bags, its inhumane!!!
I never get to have any fun... *puts bag away*
Big step Devlyn.
Hope there's not a family of cats in the bag.
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fts1.mm.bing.net%2Fth%3Fid%3DHN.608051783450887104%26amp%3Bpid%3D15.1%26amp%3BH%3D102%26amp%3BW%3D160&hash=816ae1b060e2fab2120f32d71a4b90b74c8b0015)
I'm sorry to hear about your Mom. I hope your family is cat-friendly!
I hope it all goes well.Best wishes
Sorry to hear about your mother, Devlyn.
Ok, cats in bags is inhumane. What about boxes?
Quote from: Arch on March 15, 2015, 12:57:10 AM
Cats love bags.
They love cardboard :)
Hugs and wish you luck.
Good luck Devlyn! I hope everything goes as good as possible!
Thanks everyone. I haven't heard back from either one yet.
Hugs, Devlyn
Hon,
One thing. Maybe the only thing I know from life, is you flip a coin, sometimes it is heads sometimes tails, who wins ? No idea, usually the coin flipper.
That is my profound philosophical comment for the night!
Quote from: Cindy on March 15, 2015, 08:08:24 AM
Hon,
One thing. Maybe the only thing I know from life, is you flip a coin, sometimes it is heads sometimes tails, who wins ? No idea, usually the coin flipper.
That is my profound philosophical comment for the night!
My philosophy exactly! I'll always win because I make great lemonade, it doesn't matter what life does to me.
Hugs, Devlyn
Best of luck, Devlyn! We'll be here for you regardless of the outcome :)
Quote from: marsh monster on March 14, 2015, 09:14:41 PM
And people, stop putting cats in bags, its inhumane!!!
Mine go into the bag voluntarily...
Quote from: Anna++ on March 15, 2015, 08:34:41 AM
Mine go into the bag voluntarily...
SSHHHH! The reason is the secret that only kats can know.
Go well Devlyn - I'm sure it will be fine. In any event, the focus is your mother, and your family should be big enough to realise it's not about you, but just that you needed to be candid to inform them. I wish you, your mother and your family well.
Hugs
Julia
Very true, Julia!
I've decided to post the whole thing, hopefully it will help someone if I share it. Feel free to comment, critique, or criticize. Here's what I sent:
Hey, how's everyone making out with winter? It's no secret we got bombed with snow here. There's a lot of melting going on, mud season has begun.
What's going on with mom? She sounds fine, last week she was complaining that there wasn't enough sour cream in the beef stroganoff. What's her health status? I know she has breathing issues, but when she transferred to hospice I wasn't clear what was going on, and I'm still not.
This has put me back in contact with you both, and I'm aware that you're in contact with people who run into me. <names removed for privacy> I've changed, dramatically, and I really don't know how to handle this situation.
I'm transgender, I identify as an open and proud crossdresser. I do a lot of support and suicide prevention work in online support groups. I've dedicated my life to helping the transgender community, and part of that is me being visible. I grew my hair out. I frequently have nails when work projects don't break them. I dress male with female accents most of the time, and most people call me miss or ma'am when we interact.
I am afraid this is going to blow up. I dont want to freak out my mother on her death bed. I don't want a bunch of people judging me. I will be true to myself no matter what. It's what I spend my time telling others. I know this is a lot to absorb at a bad time, and I apologize for that. I will answer any questions you may have. My chosen name is Devlyn Marie. I use that, I'm called Devlyn at work.
Hugs, Devlyn (your brother Mike)
My older sister replied:
Hello Devlyn !
Bob and I are both glad you're happy and have found something to dedicate yourself to. There is still so much discrimination and hate in the world. I've never understood that. People are all different and just trying to find their way in life. Everyone should just live and let live. The internet is good because it's opened things up so that people don't feel so alone anymore but it's also made bullying much worse and easier.
I don't know that much about how Mom is doing. I've talked to her on the phone some but it's hard to judge. I guess they don't usually send you to hospice unless they think it's close to the end. Maureen can probably tell us more.
Mom has never seemed to be prejudiced about anything but it's maybe better not to tell her at this point in case she did get upset about it. I'm not that close with her so I can't predict how she'd feel. You would hope that she'd be proud that you are helping other people. Keep up the good work and stay in touch !
Kim
Needless to say, the first two words were a huge relief I'm still waiting to hear from my younger sister, she's down near mom and handles my mother's affairs. So far, so good!
Hugs, Devlyn
Lovely!!
Oh wow, Devlyn. Your letter and your sister's reply made my hair stand on end. I am so pleased for you!!!!
Good luck and I wish a peaceful time for your mother.
Julia
Devlyn you really do rock! Like Julia I was almost holding my breath and so appreciate you sharing with us. As others here, who know you a bit, have suggested, we have total confidence in your ability to be diplomatic and assertive as needed.
Those are some big life passages and along with the humor I hope you know we have your back. Proud to be supporting you and your outing. May your family and mother find peace.
Devlyn-
I'm happy that things went well with one sister and hopefully they will go well with the other one too.
I'm sorry about your mom :'(
Im so glad one of your sisters is supportive and understanding of you! I hope I can get that from some of my family.
Hi Devlyn,
I am sorry I am late to the thread.
I hope your Mom is comfortable.
You are an inspiration and a strong person. I am glad your one sister is so accepting and I am hoping your other sister is too. I think your coming out message was wonderfully done.
Hugs,
Cynthia.
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on March 15, 2015, 04:06:31 PM
...
Bob and I are both glad you're happy and have found something to dedicate yourself to. There is still so much discrimination and hate in the world. I've never understood that. People are all different and just trying to find their way in life. Everyone should just live and let live.
...
Devlyn, this is wonderful! I'm so happy for you!
So happy that this is going well so far, you seem to have a wonderful and caring family. Sorry about your mother though, she's lucky to have you.
Heard from my younger sister:
Hello to both of you. Well, first things first. Mom's situation: She is weak and tired. Life is easier for her in the Hospice House because she doesnt have to walk. That really took a lot out of her and talking does as well. You don't realize it until you arehaving problems. She stays in her pajamas all day because it is easier. They help her into her chair and she is up all day until after supper, they help her back into bed. She has a commode by her bed and they hlp her onto that as well. Becaise she isnt exerting herslf, she is better, if that makes any sense. If you could have seen her last days at Bentley, you would have sworn she was on the way out. She is not suffering as much at HH and that is good to see. I don't know how much more time she has, but, she is not in pain, never has been, so, that is a blessing.
Devlyn, I'm not sure what to say, I never knew you were struggling with something like this. God knows, we are not a close family and i think we all suffer a lot because of it. It was great for me reconnecting with Kim in October and I dont know if you know all three of Kims kids were here in January to seee Mom, so, I got to reconnect with them, as well.
You don't know me very well, but, I can tell you, I am one of the most open, supportive people you will meet. I am very much a live and let live person. So, if you are happier this way, more true to yourself, then I am happy for you. It must have been a difficult decision to make , I'm sorry I wasn't there to help you. I knew you worked in suicide prevention, I cant remember if you told me or Mom did?
That's one thing about me now, my memory is terrible, they make fun of me at work because I won't remember a conversation we had the day before. Jayne did tell me your hair was long, but, that was all she said, she sent me a picture of you, I think. I'll have to go look at that again. She actually came to Lynchburg last week and we had a great visit and the three of us had a great time reminiscing about the old days. Mom remembered a lot of stories that I had forgotten.
None of "the clan" has said anything about you, are you still friends with Billy? I think he still lives in Sparky's house? I don't know Richard, is that the oldest boy? I talk to Natale on Facebook, but, nothing serious. As far as what you want to do about Mom, I will leave that up to you. If you want to tell her, I will support you and if you'd rather not, I will respect that as well. If you want to come visit, let me know, and if you want to do it as Devlyn or Mike, I will support you either way.
Thank You for having the courage to tell us, it must have taken a lot of soul searching. Let me know if there is anything I can do or anything you need. I can't remember if I sent you the picture of Heather and Cody with Mom, (of course, I can't- LOL) , so I will send it to you now. I love you, Maureen
So, between the biological family and the family here, I'm just about speechless. Enjoy it while it lasts! >:-)
I'm going to spend some quality time with a box of Kleenex and weigh my options.
Hugs, Devlyn
Oh my goodness, what a ride it was reading those replies. How wonderful! I hope your mom continues to be comfortable and do well in hospice, Devlyn!
Hey Devlyn,
First off you have my utmost sympathy about your Mums situation. Talk about stress on top of stress. Been there, done that!
As for you good for you having the courage right now. I'm only new here but reading this just made me think "Wow" and go all emotional!
Best of luck and if I were you I'd get more than one box of kleenexes!
Hugs
C
Glad your sisters are ok with it, I'm sure that is a big relief.
2 positive replies. You are lucky to have their support and I'm glad.
Hello, everyone, I'm Devlyn's sister, Maureen. The younger one, LOL, if only that was true! ;D I am glad Devlyn has steered me towards this site, I need to learn a lot about this. It looks like there are a lot of resources here and a lot of good people to help me learn. You'll probably be seeing me around a bit, asking questions, and probably putting my foot in my mouth a few times. I already recognize some of you from Devlyn's FB page. Do you know how many times I searched FB, I just didn't know there had been a name change. ;) Oh well, I'll see you around, nice to meet you.
Quote from: maureensp on March 15, 2015, 09:06:34 PM
Hello, everyone, I'm Devlyn's sister, Maureen. The younger one, LOL, if only that was true! ;D I am glad Devlyn has steered me towards this site, I need to learn a lot about this. It looks like there are a lot of resources here and a lot of good people to help me learn. You'll probably be seeing me around a bit, asking questions, and probably putting my foot in my mouth a few times. I already recognize some of you from Devlyn's FB page. Do you know how many times I searched FB, I just didn't know there had been a name change. ;) Oh well, I'll see you around, nice to meet you.
She's a chip off the old block! Big hug, thanks for being there, and coming here!
Hugs, Devlyn
Hi Maureen, welcome to Devlyn's hiding spot, er....Susan's. As to foot in mouth disease, I got it, too, sometimes.
A gift for you, the links to rules and such.
- Site Terms of Service and rules to live by (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html)
- Standard Terms and Definitions (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.0.html)
- Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar) (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,114.0.html.)
- Reputation rules (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,18960.0.html)
- Photo, avatars, and signature images policy (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,59974.msg383866.html#msg383866)
- News posting & quoting guidelines (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,174951.0.html)
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on March 15, 2015, 09:10:26 PM
She's a chip off the old block! Big hug, thanks for being there, and coming here!
Hugs, Devlyn
I am truly happy for you Devlyn, I am sure your heart's burden is less heavy now.
I have 2 sisters too, who I need to tell as well as 3 brothers.
Quote from: LordKAT on March 15, 2015, 09:14:31 PM
Hi Maureen, welcome to Devlyn's hiding spot, er....Susan's. As to foot in mouth disease, I got it, too, sometimes.
A gift for you, the links to rules and such.
- Site Terms of Service and rules to live by (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html)
- Standard Terms and Definitions (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.0.html)
- Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar) (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,114.0.html.)
- Reputation rules (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,18960.0.html)
- Photo, avatars, and signature images policy (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,59974.msg383866.html#msg383866)
- News posting & quoting guidelines (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,174951.0.html)
Thanks for this, LordKat!
You are quite welcome. It is easier than having to search for them.
Well! Maureen is here Devlyn is here, I've read wonderful loving support from Devlyn's family to her, I also had to reach for the kleenex. Must be time for a party!! :icon_birthday: :icon_birthday: :icon_birthday: :icon_birthday: :icon_birthday: to Devlyn for her family reunion party
Hello Maureen! I'm so glad you joined :).
I'm really touched and I'm tearing now, sitting on the commuter train, awesome. [emoji15]
Maureen, Devlyn, sending good thoughts for your mom!
Devlyn, congratulations on the supportive family!
Maureen, I think it's amazing that you've joined up here. Devlyn is lucky to have you as a sister!
Hi Devlyn, sorry I missed this till today, firstly, thinking of your mum and the family :-*
It's so nice that you have the support of your family especially at such times, simply beautiful !
Love Katy :-*
Devlyn ... so great to see a successful story about your sisters and their acceptance. It's great to see Maureen's joined and is learning and discovering, hopefully it will lead to a deeper connection in the future within your family.
As for your mom, thoughts and prayers are being sent you and your family. We'll all be thinking of you through everything.
As for this below:
Quote from: Shawn Sunshine on March 15, 2015, 09:23:06 PM
I have 2 sisters too, who I need to tell as well as 3 brothers.
I am in midst of drafting a coming out letter to my extended immediate family (3 step sisters and 3 step brothers, plus many nieces & nephews) and I only hope it goes as well as your did.
Best wishes and keep us updated, we are here for you!
Hi Maureen and welcome to our community! I am glad that Devlyn has such a supportive family and that you want to learn more about us. I am sorry about your mom but at least her condition has brought healing and understanding to all of you which is a blessing. Don't worry about sticking your foot in your mouth - we've all done it from time to time here lol.... :)
Not that I know you well nor you me but my prayers for your mother. As for your family in general it is great to see such support and the willingness to learn from Maureen. I know about not so close family my sister is the same and so far supportive. Anyway this is about your HOORAY! for a truly loving family and you seem the person that does deserve such:)
Welcome Maureen may you find information to understand but really you are a great sister for even just taking an interest that does really say more then words:)
Thanks, everyone, we still have some rough days coming, but now I know I don't have to face it alone. I have
two families behind me. :)
Hugs, Devlyn
Devyln it's wonderful to hear that both of your sisters are supportive and that one has taken the time to join the site to learn more. I'm glad to hear your mom isn't suffering and that she is living more comfortably in the Hospice. The general rule in regards to someone getting moved into a hospice is that they have an extremely short amount of time left generally. I wish your family the best of luck and hugs as the rest of that plays out. Sorry about the late response. Hugs
Mariah
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on March 17, 2015, 11:05:52 AM
Thanks, everyone, we still have some rough days coming, but now I know I don't have to face it alone. I have
two families behind me. :)
Hugs, Devlyn
Hi Devlyn and Maureen
I think you are two awesome women!
I don't tear up easliy, but having come back to this thread after a few days away I've needed to find a kleenex.
Go girls, and strength for the time ahead!
xxx
Julia
Quote from: Eva Marie on March 16, 2015, 11:28:50 AM
her condition has brought healing and understanding to all of you which is a blessing.
You don't even know! The three of us get on Facebook at night and we can't shut up! It's like we just realized we have a family. I told Devlyn her coming out is the best thing that ever happened to us!
I know mere words can not explain the way you have all come together other then that is truly a beautiful thing to see!!!!:) I just cant saying anything but being happy for all of you in the sense of being closer.
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on March 14, 2015, 09:03:28 PM
My mom is in hospice, and soon I'll be seeing family. I just sent an email to both my sisters explaining that I've changed and things could get awkward. I laid my cards right on the table, now I'm waiting. Nervously.
Hugs, Devlyn
Just saw this.
Lots of hugs for you Devlyn!
Thoughts and prayers for your mom as well.
It is very rare indeed for me to be totally speechless, I just stared at this white space for a long time. Devlyn, it is understood by all how many lives you help make better, as with mine, so I believe you already know you have that special place in my heart. To read this from start to finish affected me in ways I do not think I know how to understand yet. Coming from a family that has almost zero communication, I can at least understand the drifting apart. I have one remaining sister (thats it) and is the reason for coming to this section today(I'm at the point of telling her), I have not been here for awhile, many many new and different transition matters just kind of swallowed me up for the last few months. Maureen, what an incredible thing you are doing, your strength, courage, compassion, and willingness to take this risk in order to enlighten your perspective is beyond cool. My thoughts are with your mom, I lost mine 8 months after getting clean and sober (using for 32 years prior was my way of hiding), so you have my best. Wow, my day has changed, thanks to you all. Dani
P.S. I do understand the comments about the kleenex though, I'm just now beginning to have the ability to cry. Not possible all those years before.
Hi Devlyn,
I'm sorry to hear about your mother. Enjoy every moment...
And coming out....WOW!!!!!!! YEA!!!! I was reading this on pins and needles for you. I'm so happy for you. You deserve the support. Wonderful!
HUGS!!!!
Jennifer
So Mom passed in April and we recently placed her ashes with her beloved CJ in a National Cemetery. This came in the mail unannounced from Maureen. I was puzzling over why she sent me a bear.
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi1279.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fy537%2FDevlynMarie%2F20150723_082323_zpshkoo50ja.jpg&hash=1cb7ad317c0b18865e2b50e2703fe3fdab6596b2)
Then I opened the bag ... (click picture to enlarge)
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi1279.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fy537%2FDevlynMarie%2F20150723_105717_zpsenc8iogd.jpg&hash=2f49f88c3fc049cdbd1aa7b70cad45ef29b4ae2a)
...Kleenex please...
What a thoughtful and compassionate gift thank you, snif snif, for sharing.