Well, I'm bi so I take what I can get from anyone as far as checking me out when I'm in public. the more I transition the more I really enjoy men looking at me and drooling . It's really a fun feeling. Just wondering how those that are only sexually attracted to one gender find it while transitioning when the gender their not sexually attracted to tries to come on to you or scan you physically like an airport body scanner. There are exceptions for me though. I was in a grocery store awhile ago sitting on a bench and this extra large butcher kept looking at me like I was a pork chop, not a fun feeling.
I haven't even begun transitioning but I've been to quite a few gay bars and get checked out by the guys there all the time. No interest in the men, but at the same time it does feel kinda nice knowing that someone at least thinks I'm good enough to look at. I see no reason for things to change after I transition, even if the guys are still looking at me. :D Just means that I'm good enough to be looked at.
I'm not attracted to men in the slightest, but I have good friends that are males, but as far as being checked out by men goes, I don't mind it, just makes me feel extra feminine. But I do seriously get annoyed when they don't get the hint im a lesbian and I'm not interested.
I rather like it, unless they look/act like a perv.
I don't mind being checked out but I don't like being hit on.
I strongly dislike cis men either checking me out or hitting on me. Normal social interaction or conversation fine, but the moment things move towards them being attracted to me I can feel nothing but disgust for them. On some inner level as far as I'm concerned we're not even members of the same species so they can f**k off.
And yes I know I'm not in a good place at the moment because I'm not well, but that's exactly how I feel about it with all the polite camouflage stripped off.
I'm asexual and I just tend to ignore it.
Quote from: Lady Smith on May 22, 2015, 04:41:47 PM
I strongly dislike cis men either checking me out or hitting on me. Normal social interaction or conversation fine, but the moment things move towards them being attracted to me I can feel nothing but disgust for them. On some inner level as far as I'm concerned we're not even members of the same species so they can f**k off.
And yes I know I'm not in a good place at the moment because I'm not well, but that's exactly how I feel about it with all the polite camouflage stripped off.
Wow, just wow
Quote from: Lady Smith on May 22, 2015, 04:41:47 PM
I strongly dislike cis men either checking me out or hitting on me. Normal social interaction or conversation fine, but the moment things move towards them being attracted to me I can feel nothing but disgust for them. On some inner level as far as I'm concerned we're not even members of the same species so they can f**k off.
And yes I know I'm not in a good place at the moment because I'm not well, but that's exactly how I feel about it with all the polite camouflage stripped off.
+1 for pure honesty
8)
I live for it.
I will pretend not to notice, then at the last second make eye contact as if to say, 'well, whatcha gonna do about it?'
:~]
Quote from: SarahBoo on May 22, 2015, 05:49:36 PM
I live for it.
I will pretend not to notice, then at the last second make eye contact as if to say, 'well, whatcha gonna do about it?'
:~]
I'm getting the same way
Even though I am not attracted to men, there has been a few times where I've been hit on. There's a small part of me that didn't mind it. Only because it just validated the point that a lot of people actually do see me as female. But, I would certainly prefer a girl over a guy.
Quote from: Lady Smith on May 22, 2015, 04:41:47 PM
I strongly dislike cis men either checking me out or hitting on me. Normal social interaction or conversation fine, but the moment things move towards them being attracted to me I can feel nothing but disgust for them. On some inner level as far as I'm concerned we're not even members of the same species so they can f**k off.
And yes I know I'm not in a good place at the moment because I'm not well, but that's exactly how I feel about it with all the polite camouflage stripped off.
I'm attracted to men (aka ->-bleeped-<-s) but don't blame you at all. They can be creeps at times.
Being "Checked Out" makes me nervous. At 6ft tall and generally more girlie girl then average woman, I tend to stand out. standing out in my far younger days was a very bad thing. Never the less, I try to read the situation with an open mind, and after a very short "control yourself girl" period it's GREAT! Who cannot enjoy knowing that even as an old fossil, guys are attracted to you as a woman. Which can only mean.....
Being "Hit On" I have very limited experience with to date. If you ignore the Jackie Gleason "Hamana hamana hamana hamana" brain smoking when asked "Where is your husband?"; I love the affirmation that I actually can be a desirable Old Bat. Sure beats the "Kill the Monster" I got got in my 20's
I don't mind being checked out by either gender. I do however mind being checked out by creeps. Just weirds me out.
Quote from: Sabrina on May 22, 2015, 09:52:23 PM
I don't mind being checked out by either gender. I do however mind being checked out by creeps. Just weirds me out.
yea I'd be happy if all the creeps stayed under their rocks
I think it's totally natural, even CIS women check out other women to see how they measure up, getting attention is nice but getting unwanted attention is not. If you tell a guy/girl that you are not interested and they keep staring that's creep territory, someone looking too often just means they are shy and I can totally relate :)
Guy's are just guys, they are supercharged with testosterone to ogle everything that moves and has a butt or breasts, can't really hold it against them...
It's certainly validating and as long as it's not creepy, I'm OK with it. I have been creeped out a few times by men. Once I had a guy catcall my in the grocery store and then started following me around. Luckily I ran into the store manager that has known my wife and I years (and wasn't surprised at all when I transitioned) as I needed to ask why they stopped carrying dairy free ice cream. (My wife has a casein allergy.) I think the guy though I might be saying something about him following me as he quickly left after that.
When I started looking feminine, I got hit on a lot- both by randoms and even within my group of friends. That continued to the point where I got used to it, and then I think I started putting off a different energy... One that kind of said "no" in a polite way where they don't even try. I think it's an eye contact or expression sort of thing. It's definitely something that cannot be taught, you just have to figure out yourself how to fend them off when you don't want it.
There will always be the pressing jerks that hit you up no matter what. You'll get better at dealing with those, too, as time goes on ;)
I think the word I'm looking for is 'Whatever..'
I don't think I've been hit on in real life yet but online I get a crap load of attention on okcupid and the like. The attention makes me feel better about my looks. I got catcalled one time if that counts.
I didn't transition to be objectified by the same people that harassed, abused and molested me in my youth.
Definitely not attracted to males, although they can look all they want tells me I'm doing something right. I learned the hard way though about dressing certain ways in public can bring on the attention I was not ready for, happened with with an older man at a gas station. What got his attention was all my tattoos.
Im not getting checked out much these days....
But generally.... I welcome it.
I'm looking forward to it honestly. However I'm not interested. I just think it would be a cool feeling to be desired. I haven't felt desired in over 10 years.
Honestly, the only time I've ever been hit on was by a drunk girl in a bar. I don't know if it'll happen as Marly. But it really never did as Brian. So if it does, I will probably be super-flattered even if it's coming from a guy (not into guys BTW) But if it becomes too frequent, I will probably grow weary as the feelings of validation wear out. Of course, I'm so self-conscious, I always feel like I'm being "checked out" to some degree or another. That's one of the issues I'm working on with my therapist.
It's ok. I'm still not very confident about my presentation so I'm never 100% sure that they are checking me out or if they are staring at me for being trans. I'm bi though so yea. I wish I would catch more girls checking me out :-(
I'm exclusively lesbian, and I used to say I was pre-everything, but in the last few months I've had a couple of laser sessions, hair has grown long enough, and I've started wearing women's jeans and leggings in public. Face and overall presentation is still male though.
Despite that, I can see that I am getting more looks than usual, mostly because from a distance or from behind, people may get confused. They look away as soon as I look back at them, though. Not sure if that counts as being checked out, but I guess I'll be creeped out if it happens with me.
I came out to my best friend last night. We've been best friends for 30 years. It was emotional. I showed him pictures of me dressed to which he replied that if he met me in a bar he would really want to "do me" - aside from the fact that we're both happily married with children!!!!!!!! Oh how we laughed. However, I was incredibly flattered. It made me feel delighted to have that validation. He did ask the question - what am I going to do if I do get hit on - to which I didn't have an answer. Don't you just thank whomever & say, in as kind and sensitive way as possible, that your spoken for?
I agree, no reason to be mean, unless they are harassing you (e.g. staring at you as there is a big difference between a flirtatious glance and staring; cat calls, following you, won't take no for an answer, etc.).
I got hit on by a drunk one night sitting in front of a restaurant . I had to threaten to call the police to get him moving along.
That is harassment; when you encounter people like that it is best not to give them the time of day; that's not being rude, it's being street smart. I would have gone into the restaurant and complained.
Quote from: kittenpower on May 23, 2015, 02:47:25 PM
That is harassment; when you encounter people like that it is best not to give them the time of day; that's not being rude, it's being street smart. I would have gone into the restaurant and complained.
well. I wasn't at the restaurant I was sitting on a city bench in front of it and he was just a nut case drunk partying by himself on a Saturday night at 12 in the morning. the restaurant really had nothing to do with it . It was just a random act of stupidity by a guy who probably couldn't find anyone that would talk to him so he just kept drinking until they kicked him out of the bar.
I wouldn't mind, as long as it's not creepy or I feel like I'm getting harassed. Checking out and being creepy aren't the same thing. Sexual attraction and sexual objectification are two entirely different things; having desires is not the same as not treating women like people.
Also:
Quote from: antonia on May 22, 2015, 11:50:12 PM
Guy's are just guys, they are supercharged with testosterone to ogle everything that moves and has a butt or breasts, can't really hold it against them...
Yeah, this.
Quote from: amber roskamp on May 23, 2015, 12:48:36 PM
It's ok. I'm still not very confident about my presentation so I'm never 100% sure that they are checking me out or if they are staring at me for being trans. I'm bi though so yea. I wish I would catch more girls checking me out :-(
Well have you considered rainbow accessoires (assuming you're out ? ) ?
And eye contact might help :)
I'm not really attractd to males, but I like to dress to show off my body. Just the other day, I was in a building waiting for an elevator when these 2 worker guys come through the doors. They didn't realize it but I caught their reflection of them staring at my ass! I was pleasantly surprised as I didn't know I "had that power". Of course, I automatically look at a pleasant women's ass myself, so I could tell what they were doing. Shortly after that, what could considered to be a good looking guy was subtly hitting on me in a restaraunt line, although I didn't catch it until afterwards.
yea, those are fun moments. A long time ago I was out trying out a new dress and was in a grocery store and out of the corner of my eye I caught a stocker stocking the bottom shelf looking at my legs. A lot of fun.
I'd call myself pansexual, but attractive men are very very rare in my book.
My pysical transition so far consists of "I shaved" and "I've got a cute haircut", so I read 100% as a man even dressed 100% femme, with makeup and a pushup bra. So when guys check me out, they start at the legs... and oh boy, do I love the look of horror they get when they finally see my face! Glad I'm married... it lets me have a good sense of humor about that. I just hope that I've triggered a questioning status or two by now.
I'm bi, and I I've noticed more gay men totally checking me out, and sometimes hitting on me when I'm in "man drag". The good thing is that I am more feminine than I used to be, but ideally, I would rather have straight or bi men checking me out and the gay men mostly ignoring me. when I do present feminine, I only get the ->-bleeped-<-s right now, and some of them are a little creepy, like I would feel very uncomfortable getting into a car with them creepy. I might be just a little paranoid, but I think I am starting to develop a "creep-dar"
sadly , but realistically there are a lot of creeps out there.
Quote from: Kimberley Beauregard on May 23, 2015, 03:34:48 PM
I wouldn't mind, as long as it's not creepy or I feel like I'm getting harassed. Checking out and being creepy aren't the same thing. Sexual attraction and sexual objectification are two entirely different things; having desires is not the same as not treating women like people.
I just want them to bundle up their desires and take them elsewhere. The moon would be good. ;)
Quote from: Laura_7 on May 23, 2015, 03:49:40 PM
Well have you considered rainbow accessoires (assuming you're out ? ) ?
And eye contact might help :)
Thanks for the pointers. :)
Although at the moment I am more attracted to women than men I am finding some guys rather cute these days. Getting checked out by either men or women is fine with me as long as it doesn't cross into the creepy category. Men are going to do what men do because of testosterone so it goes with the territory of being a female. And as someone said getting checked out means I am doing something right.... or very, very wrong.
Quote from: Lady Smith on May 23, 2015, 08:03:41 PM
I just want them to bundle up their desires and take them elsewhere. The moon would be good. ;)
Then I disagree with you - vehemently.
Nothing disturbs me like the idea that men having sexual desires should be a bad thing. Boys being guilt tripped into believing they're bad people for having sexual thoughts? Men being treated as predators first and people second? Yeah, I'm not pretending I'm okay with that. I understand that some people who hold those views have had horrible experiences with men, but still.
Now, making women feel uncomfortable is a different thing.
:police:
This is not a thread for bagging out men - vilification or bashing of men will not be allowed. Thanks.
Hmmm I've never really thought about this cause its really whatever to me. I don't really care if guys are checking me out since I'm not trying to date them.
I've never really been hit on by anyone other than online and only because they liked my assertive personality and not my appearance. I don't know if i pass well enough for a guy but it's a nice thought if either straight women or gay men find me attractive
Yes, I think we could be more kind to men.
I mean if anything, we should have inside info, and be more understanding of what it is like.
I haven't forgotten what it was like to have male hormones moulding my reality in real-time. That is how it felt. It's a *very* different position to where I am now.
I look at the upsides of the way men are. Their fiery passion, drive, impulsiveness - these aren't traits that we all desire - but I find it terribly exciting to be *in that presence* :~)
You know what.....
Even if we have inside access to being a man, its more or less... I see, feel, hear as a woman until I see the mirror on the wall or hear my voice.
Its like being in a video game, that never ends, and I suck at it too. Me at my most "manliest" is more like a woman proving her worth in a mans world.
I remember this dude looking at me with surprise because I rejected his help.
Another guy once said, "well hes a man". Like it needed to be said. I dont know... im not even out there feminity... its like my qualities are feminine.... but im more man than a lot of guys.
Strong woman in a mans body. I guess.
Quote from: SarahBoo on May 24, 2015, 06:36:53 AM
Yes, I think we could be more kind to men.
I mean if anything, we should have inside info, and be more understanding of what it is like.
I haven't forgotten what it was like to have male hormones moulding my reality in real-time. That is how it felt. It's a *very* different position to where I am now.
I look at the upsides of the way men are. Their fiery passion, drive, impulsiveness - these aren't traits that we all desire - but I find it terribly exciting to be *in that presence* :~)
I think there's a good biological reason for men to be obsessed and aggressive about sex. Without that fewer couples would form and fewer children would be born. Now in this overpopulated world it would be great for that to be toned back but for the great majority of the millions of years we existed, men's behavior was critical to our racial survival. In a way it still is, I think, because it's a main driving force of innovation.
There's a good biological reason for us to enjoy being admired, too,and I do, even though I'm an infertile lesbian and I'll never parent a child of my own making again. It's a good feeling to have outside proof that you look good.
Way too philosophical a digression for the topic. Yes, it gives me a pleasant little shiver to be checked out, but only so long as the checker is someone I could conceivably pick for a partner, even if just for a short while.
I apologise for derailing this thread. As you might have guessed I have a whole truck load of unresolved issues I'm dealing with at the moment and sometimes I let my pain and anger get the better of me.
I just had a strange experience sitting outside a café by my apartment. I was sitting in the outside tables and a group of 5 or 6 guys walked by. I Live by a University so groups of guys are walking around all the time. I've been transitioning for 19 months so I have had the proper hormones in me for that time. living next to a University and with groups of girls and guys walking around I've been waiting for the comments from the peanut gallery . There has been nothing for 19 months even though I hang out in the places that the students hang out and study. So I'm quite unsure how to digest the comment as the group of male students walked by me. They said " what was that" now being a group of guys talking to each other I come to the conclusion the phrase had two possible meanings: one would be that I'm gorgeous ( the one I prefer ) or that I was like a platypus ( no harm intended towards the species) . So given the fact that in 2 years of transition I've never hear a any kind of comment from the background noise I'm going with the so incredibly beautiful a comment needed to be made.
And you never know, the response could have been about something one of the guys had said to another...unless he actually glanced back, or pointed in your direction.
Despite the qualification in your opening post I want to respond. Yes, I love people of all kinds, so bi or pan work as labels. My concern about being checked out is that there is no certainty that they are checking me out for lascivious interests or because my gender is indeterminate for them. I used to enjoy strong eye contact with men. Presumably gay and bi guys sharing a smile in return. Now I don't know whats up unless they are clearly checking out my boobs. Sometimes fun and validating, it also gives me some empathy for the objectification women have dealt with for so long. My welcome to the girls club has meant that apparently women no longer see me as a lecherous threat. If a woman checks me out it feels less threatening to me too. And then, is there any stronger aphrodisiac than desire?
Quote from: stephaniec on May 24, 2015, 11:56:44 AM
They said " what was that"...
I'd pay it no mind. If they weren't looking at you they were probably referring to something else or asking someone to repeat what they said.
And the platypus is awesome!
QuoteThey said " what was that"...
Come on you target for faraway laughter, come on you stranger, you legend, you martyr, and shine!
Shine on you crazy diamond.
I've come to the conclusion that I can't call myself a Christian or be an advocate for gender diversity if I'm seeking to deny men their right to be normal healthy males. So over the past few hours since I last posted I've been looking very hard at myself and working on weeding out the poison I've been holding deep inside myself. Truthfully it would have to be a rare kind of guy that I would let come into my life, but at least now I'm not denying the possibility.
Quote from: stephaniec on May 22, 2015, 02:11:32 PM
Well, I'm bi so I take what I can get from anyone as far as checking me out when I'm in public. the more I transition the more I really enjoy men looking at me and drooling . It's really a fun feeling. Just wondering how those that are only sexually attracted to one gender find it while transitioning when the gender their not sexually attracted to tries to come on to you or scan you physically like an airport body scanner. There are exceptions for me though. I was in a grocery store awhile ago sitting on a bench and this extra large butcher kept looking at me like I was a pork chop, not a fun feeling.
I'll be completely honest -- I'm far more attracted to the female physique than to the male one. But, if I'm getting checked out by males, it's a reminder that I'm very attractive and am being seen as who I really am. Granted, I'm a bit of a freak, and even the thought of being seen as a piece of meat to be dominated is generally pretty hot to me lol.
Quote from: Jasper93 on May 25, 2015, 12:19:18 PM
I'll be completely honest -- I'm far more attracted to the female physique than to the male one. But, if I'm getting checked out by males, it's a reminder that I'm very attractive and am being seen as who I really am. Granted, I'm a bit of a freak, and even the thought of being seen as a piece of meat to be dominated is generally pretty hot to me lol.
Lol me too. Haha
Though I am a switch. I usually am very submissive but sometimes I like to be a dominant bottom. Just it really depends on who I'm with.
I honestly will be more dominant with more macho men. It feels like I am crushing the patriarchy..... With my butt lol :P
well I am attracted to the opposite gender(men) and im sure everyone here can guess how I feel about guys hitting on me by now lol ;D :angel:... as far as cis or trans girls hitting on me which happens a lot online and has happened at lgbt events too...I don't dislike it necessarily and usually take it as a compliment but it can get annoying or uncomfortable when its persistant or I look at them as like a friend rather than a random stranger...it can just make things a tad awkward sometimes
Quote from: Annabolton on May 25, 2015, 11:02:13 PM
well I am attracted to the opposite gender(men) and im sure everyone here can guess how I feel about guys hitting on me by now lol ;D :angel:... as far as cis or trans girls hitting on me which happens a lot online and has happened at lgbt events too...I don't dislike it necessarily and usually take it as a compliment but it can get annoying or uncomfortable when its persistant or I look at them as like a friend rather than a random stranger...it can just make things a tad awkward sometimes
Sorry if I ever made you feel awkward I tend to be pretty flirty.
Quote from: Annabolton on May 25, 2015, 11:02:13 PM
well I am attracted to the opposite gender(men) and im sure everyone here can guess how I feel about guys hitting on me by now lol ;D :angel:... as far as cis or trans girls hitting on me which happens a lot online and has happened at lgbt events too...I don't dislike it necessarily and usually take it as a compliment but it can get annoying or uncomfortable when its persistant or I look at them as like a friend rather than a random stranger...it can just make things a tad awkward sometimes
I know what you mean... well one way might be to emphasize you like them... as friends :)
I tend to attract lesbians for some reason irl, but i refuse them politely and take it as a compliment. I wish it was the other way around with men! :D
Quote from: .Christy on May 27, 2015, 02:35:46 AM
I tend to attract lesbians for some reason irl, but i refuse them politely and take it as a compliment. I wish it was the other way around with men! :D
Hah I really wish I had ur problem. But how do you have lesbians attracted to you but not men. Like in my experience attracting lesbians is much more challenging then men.
lol, what a crazy thread :~D
People are like iron filaments on a table, each with its own magnetic effect.
*nods*
I don't really see a problem unless they are the usual dumb ones that I get than it turns into a spectical with me telling them off and them trying to come up with some dumb retort. its pretty funny lol, but I don't mind. makes me feel less invisible
Quote from: amber roskamp on May 27, 2015, 06:04:57 AM
Hah I really wish I had ur problem. But how do you have lesbians attracted to you but not men. Like in my experience attracting lesbians is much more challenging then men.
LOL i have no idea what I'm doing right (or wrong). Im pretty much around women 95% of the time so the chances of it happening are greater I guess. I meet them at the most random of places too! One time at a drug testing center because of school purposes, another time in an elevator, at a casino, etc.
I do get some attention from men, but they are mostly as old as my grandpa since im having my clinical rotation in geriatric healthcare atm. Adding on to the fact that I look like jailbait so a lot of men don't approach me :laugh:
"If YOU'RE not atracted to the opposite gender how do you feel being checked out?"
Hello ladies, this is my first post and I just had to register and respond because this is SO my kinda topic I couldn't resist responding! (If I'm supposed to do something before posting in actual threads, lemme know!)
Ok SO! I have two responses to this question because my reactions have evolved over the years based on my own confidence, which took a drastic change for the better when I started going to group this year - which was one of the main reasons I finally sought out help.
So anyways like I was SAYING, pre-therapy/group I was very insecure about my fem presentation so I thought any attention was getting me spotted. As a result, I got EXTREMELY nervous and didn't know how to react. Scared even. During this period I wouldn't even speak because I feared my voice to be a dead give away. So being checked out or hit on... was a nightmare.
Well girls, lemme tell ya.. times are ah CHANGING on this subject RAPIDLY for me. After a lot... no seriously A LOT... like tons of direct and indirect comments... of positive affirmation from my beloved fellow T-sisters (and IRL GGfriends who love going out together when I'm in femme mode) to truly appreciate being checked out because it means I'm passing with a vengeance. Sometimes I'll dress for it and it comes by the bucket loads with a healthy amount of hit-ons - girls looking on enviously and guys a staring (especially the brothers, it's true they like tall blonds LOL). Other times I dress to blend in and and I'm still getting constant check outs.
Needless to say now, I frigging love it! Hell yeah check me out. You know you frigging want it, cuz baby, I got it GOING ON! >:-)
I also work out 4-5 days a week for 1-2 hours, so yeah, I want them to be drooling over my racehorse legs!
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Quote from: .Christy on May 27, 2015, 09:24:44 PM
LOL i have no idea what I'm doing right (or wrong). Im pretty much around women 95% of the time so the chances of it happening are greater I guess. I meet them at the most random of places too! One time at a drug testing center because of school purposes, another time in an elevator, at a casino, etc.
I do get some attention from men, but they are mostly as old as my grandpa since im having my clinical rotation in geriatric healthcare atm. Adding on to the fact that I look like jailbait so a lot of men don't approach me :laugh:
lol
lets trade problems I have never had lesbians approach me but I have guys hit on me a lot... ive had gay guys flirt with me in guy mode multiple times too
Lucky you. I wish I could attract lesbians, but I'm not attracting anyone right now. I'm only 6 months in though.
Maybe I need to purchase some flannel. I can't get a cat though because I'm allergic.
Quote from: .Christy on May 27, 2015, 02:35:46 AM
I tend to attract lesbians for some reason irl, but i refuse them politely and take it as a compliment. I wish it was the other way around with men! :D