Susan's Place Transgender Resources

just hypothetically  if a random stranger or a short term acquaintance just came right out and asked if you transgender would you hesitate to admit to it or not answer or just say no or just say yes. I'm not sure  because I think it would be rare for someone to just come out and ask, but I do know people that wouldn't hesitate asking. I think I'd probably say yes at this point because I'm closing in on 2 years of hormones and I'd figure what's the point of denying.

I certainly would. Don't believe in hiding it.

I am way early in my process.

Maybe I'm kidding myself but I think I would say yes.

Now, if a co-worker asked...?

at this stage...and way early for me as well, I wouldn't advertise it. But if someone who looked safe asked me, I be completely honest.

complete denial for me because o hate people in my business. if they don't need to know, than they don't need to know. if it was medically relevant however, than I might disclose that information

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I don't know, it would depend on who asked, and how they asked it. I don't have a problem volunteering that I am trans if it is relevant to the situation (i.e. Healthcare provider, etc.).

To a random person I just met and had a nice chat with - now, yes. When I go full time, the answer will be - probably not, I'd reserve it for long term acquaintances who need to know.

For a random person coming out of the blue that is just not a subject available for discussion.

Really depends on the person, the situation, how they ask, what mood I'm in - chances are though I'd tell them to mind their own business.

I'm a pretty in-your-face sort of person, so I wouldn't hesitate. But I also wouldn't hesitate with a little follow-up that called the person out for not understanding that that sort of question is inappropriate.

It would definitely depend on the person, situation and my mood. I could very easily be inclined to tell them to mind their own business or to share it with them.
Mariah

I would, because I want to know what made them suspect that I'm trans.

Nope. I've reached a point in my life where I believe that, other than a doctor or someone in a romantic relationship, it's nobody's damn business.

Depends on the circumstances. If someone were legitimately curious about being transgender, it may be I would be the only trans person who would be willing to educate them first hand (which is the best way to be educated). Or if it was someone I was becoming friends with, I wouldn't hide that part of my past from them (and face it, most of my past was as a male).

If someone just wanted to see whether their guess and my gender history was correct, I would try to avoid giving them the satisfaction.

Definitely NOT! That is NOT an appropriate question to be asking someone.

Hmm ...

Given that transgender/transsexualism is finally hitting mainstream consciousness (which is *great* for us) ....

I think it's more than likely and perfectly reasonable for people to be curious, and to ask questions.

I think they *do* have that right. This is why I will never let it offend me.

I don't tell people. Only people I would tell are fellow trans people or known allies.

In fact on Facebook my old "friends" are adding me and they don't know I'm trans because they don't recognize me then say transphobic things. They get unfriended right away. They think I'm my wife or cousin or something.

Quote from: SarahBoo on June 14, 2015, 05:40:37 AM
I think they *do* have that right. This is why I will never let it offend me.

Well, I see it being more of a medical issue than anything. That's why I feel that no one has the right to know if they ask me. I'm not going to blab about my other medical issues to people. So, why would I feel the need to talk about this one?

It would depend on how they ask me. If it was polite and courteous I would be happy to answer their question. If they didn't ask that way I would leave them more confused that when they approached me. I don't have problems with people knowing about me but I want to be known for my personality and not my medical history because my medical history is 33 years old but I work on my personality every day.

To me its more of a situational thing.

If a complete random stranger walked up and asked me if I was trans I would deny it because I don't know what their motivation is for asking - they may want to harm me. At any rate it's none of their business and it's rude to ask a complete stranger that kind of a question and they can just move along.

If it's someone I know and I believe that they would be accepting then I'll share a "lite" version of it to gauge their reaction. If it is a good reaction then I might share more with them later. This is along Suzi's line to educate people which I believe in.

As an example of that - I have a coworker thats been suddenly full of questions and I've taken the time to thoughtfully answer most of them; some of them were "those" kind of questions and I simply told him that they weren't appropriate qestions and why they weren't appropriate questions and that they were out of my comfort zone. I later found out that the reason that he was asking is because he has a niece that's recently come out as FTM and has begun the process of transitioning and he was looking at me as a resource to answer his questions. He has taken what i've told him and has shared that with his family. I have taken the stigma, the weirdness, and the shame out of it for him.

If it's a really good, close friend I might share the whole enchilada knowing that they would support me.

Completely situationally dependent and how threatened or safe I felt.

Whats between my legs is my own business. Do you normally ask someone "oh you do you have this or that?" Mainstream or not, admitting your condition to someone you randomly meet is reckless and should be met with caution.

*But*, it will happen. We will be approached, and we need to be prepared for that. Especially now that transsexualism is hitting the mainstream.

How should we respond? Not with anger or offense. With grace. We need to give what we hope to receive. It goes both ways ...

Quote from: Laura_Squirrel on June 14, 2015, 12:04:12 PM
Well, I see it being more of a medical issue than anything. That's why I feel that no one has the right to know if they ask me. I'm not going to blab about my other medical issues to people. So, why would I feel the need to talk about this one?

Exactly. I am not open about my other issues either, even though they were painfully obvious. I do tell some people I'm diabetic but I don't go shouting it.

Quote from: SarahBoo on June 14, 2015, 04:11:09 PM
*But*, it will happen. We will be approached, and we need to be prepared for that. Especially now that transsexualism is hitting the mainstream.

How should we respond? Not with anger or offense. With grace. We need to give what we hope to receive. It goes both ways ...

"I would rather not answer that question. Thank you."

I DO NOT know someone's intention.

And honestly I've never been asked if I'm trans by random strangers, even those who for sure read me.

Quote from: carmenkate on June 14, 2015, 01:10:54 PM
Whats between my legs is my own business. Do you normally ask someone "oh you do you have this or that?" Mainstream or not, admitting your condition to someone you randomly meet is reckless and should be met with caution.

^^this

Do people ask random strangers if they are gay? If they are into BDSM? Who they slept with last night? Of course not.

"Are you trans?" Translated means,"I think I clocked you but I wanted to be sure."

Absolutely. I don't look at it as "admitting" anything. I'm loving Sarah Boo's approach in this thread!

Hugs, Devlyn

Not sure how sexual organs found their way into the conversation?  ???

Hugs, Devlyn

Sometimes when I shop at my local Goodwill store if dressed kinda male the clerks kinda look at me funny. It's not a very busy place so I tell them everything, on hormones.........plan surgery.......Then they are very nice to me like any woman shopper. I've even had some try to hook me up with men if interested. I look very nice & prettier than most all of the women there anyway to be honest. So why not tell some one if asked, what's the big deal about it. Be proud of your self, GF's.

safety would be a big issue for me. I rarely think about it because I live in a college community so I rarely have any fears .

I have only been asked about my gender status once (by a ramdom person) and I was honest then so I guess that I would be open and honest about me being trans as long as there is no forseeable bad repercussions. Beeing trans is not bad but it sucks when people treat you differently because of it and then spread the word around.

Quote from: Devlyn Marie on June 14, 2015, 04:26:11 PM
Not sure how sexual organs found their way into the conversation?  ???
/quote


Hi Devlyn, the concept of transgender has been mainly associated by cis normative people as someone who is different from their gender assigned at birth. I don't want to state the obvious but medical doctors normally determines your gender by the sex organ you have when you we're born. Hence the question of sexual organ can and possibly be asked to confirm if you're Trans or not. Otherwise, if sexual organ isn't part of the conversation/equation then what does it mean to be transgender.

If some people find that it empowers them to share their truth to random strangers, more power to them. I on the other hand regardless of the great strides our community has been getting recently would still be reluctant to do this just because it doesn't change the fact that a Trans person dies every 3 days around the world.




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Quote from: carmenkate on June 14, 2015, 01:10:54 PM
Whats between my legs is my own business. Do you normally ask someone "oh you do you have this or that?" Mainstream or not, admitting your condition to someone you randomly meet is reckless and should be met with caution.

This ^^^ is very much how I feel. Even tho I'm proud of who I am and believe that visibility and challenging the norms is a way of making change I would not consider some stranger asking about my privates a very polite person + whoever they are they might be transphobic and want to hurt you. I would tell someone I've talked a lot with and if it felt good to do so, but otherwise no. I want to choose myself how and when I tell people and not just to satisfy someones curiosity. Im not an object at a museum, and I don't live to excite/answer private questions for strangers I don't care for.

But for those who are super open: you are brave and I admire you. I hope that one day I can feel the same too. But right now: no.

Quote from: Devlyn Marie on June 14, 2015, 04:26:11 PM
Not sure how sexual organs found their way into the conversation?  ???

Hugs, Devlyn

I agree, where did that come from?

Quote from: stephaniec on June 14, 2015, 05:27:30 PM
I agree, where did that come from?

Are you trans is the sanitized way of asking do you have a different sex organ other than you're gender expression.


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What I meant, and what Stephanie seems to be confirming, is that the question asked if you would respond to being asked if you were transgender, not have you had surgery?

Hugs, Devlyn

Quote from: Devlyn Marie on June 14, 2015, 05:38:24 PM
What I meant, and what Stephanie seems to be confirming, is that the question asked if you would respond to being asked if you were transgender, not have you had surgery?

Precisely. Whether or not we take that question as a personal comment about our bits, or as any other kind of affront, is up to us.

yes, trans is a wider term than if I still have that blob.

I'm guessing that someone might ask me if I'm trans just because of how I look in my avatar

I value my life and my family. If you are willing to share your gender status to random people you meet more power to you. This is my last post. Thanks it's been an interesting thread.


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So I'll go all passive aggressive and ask if that means those of us who are open don't value our lives or families?

Bzzzzzz. Wrong answer.

Hugs, Devlyn

Quote from: Devlyn Marie on June 14, 2015, 05:58:45 PM
So I'll go all passive aggressive and ask if that means those of us who are open don't value our lives or families?

Bzzzzzz. Wrong answer.

Hugs, Devlyn

Don't visit the Caribbean, is all I can say... openly trans will get bottles thrown at you.

I guess things will come under the title depends on circumstances. I don't think trans are having a good time in Russia either especially if you like driving.

I voted "yes" because that's what I did in my early transition. Some people saw me wearing dangly earrings, nail polish, and being somewhat girly in my mannerisms, and would ask, "Pardon me...but are you...umm...changing?" or similar hesitant and apologetic questions.

Just couldn't help myself. Coy little smile, flutter eyelids, and a gentle, "Yes, I am."

Everyone was so accepting of it. Gave me warm fuzzies all the time.

 :police:
If this thread doesn't calm down and stop taking people's comments as personal jabs at them it's going to get locked down.

Quote from: Beth Andrea on June 14, 2015, 07:52:58 PM
I voted "yes" because that's what I did in my early transition. Some people saw me wearing dangly earrings, nail polish, and being somewhat girly in my mannerisms, and would ask, "Pardon me...but are you...umm...changing?" or similar hesitant and apologetic questions.

Just couldn't help myself. Coy little smile, flutter eyelids, and a gentle, "Yes, I am."

Everyone was so accepting of it. Gave me warm fuzzies all the time.

nice story

It would certainly depend on the situation and person.

In a bar by a guy out with his dudebros?  No.  The last person who went there got the "You need to work on a better pickup line" bit.
When in a public restroom?  Hell no.
At an LGBT event?  Yes.
In line at the grocery store by another transperson? Yes.
By a random skinhead? F*** no!

Quote from: Jill F on June 14, 2015, 08:22:51 PM
It would certainly depend on the situation and person.

Truly

I voted "depends on circumstances" as I believe it is important to be aware of the situation at hand and the circumstances surrounding that situation

Before I would give any sort of answer I would ask them "why do they want to know" and "what are their motivations"?

      I voted yes because I have. I've been transitioning for almost 4 years now. About a year and a half ago I was a cashier and one of my customers was a woman in her late 20's or early 30's. In a quiet voice she asked if I was transgender. I replied in the same quiet voice: "yes I am." She then proceeded to ask how I achieved the look of having breasts. At the time I had been on female hormones about a year and a half. I simply told her: female hormones and a push up bra.


It seemed she was truly curious about me and did it a nice, easy going manner so I felt comfortable in replying to her queries. She wished me luck in the rest of my transition on her way out. Nowadays most people cannot tell the difference between me and genetic female. Some people have been able to tell but they usually keep it to themselves. I pass very well for a 32 year old transwoman who's been on hormones almost 3 years.

It depends on the situation and who asked, if it were a random stranger and depending on how I perceive the intent, then I would refuse to answer or say no then walk away.

However not quite there yet, but have been asked other awkward questions regrading sexuality before... and as above!

L Katy

Quote from: Jill F on June 14, 2015, 08:22:51 PM
It would certainly depend on the situation and person.

In a bar by a guy out with his dudebros?  No.  The last person who went there got the "You need to work on a better pickup line" bit.
When in a public restroom?  Hell no.
At an LGBT event?  Yes.
In line at the grocery store by another transperson? Yes.
By a random skinhead? F*** no!

I agree. However I would be upset if anyone, including a trans person read me and decided to call me out on it. THat said if they are looking for support I would support them anyway.

Sure. Nothing to hide. Needing to hide things makes me weak. Don't like to be weak.

For me it very much depends on circumstances.  With some people I've been open and honest about being TG because it's plain they have a genuine reason for asking.  As Jill has said there are other situations where the answer will always be 'No'.

I was just curious because where I live I've been know as male , but I've changed so much that I know people are curious. They mention how nice my nail polish is or how pretty the my dress looks , but so far no one has come out and asked if I'm trans. I'm waiting though and at this point it wouldn't bother me unless it was a group of teenagers sitting in Taco Bell.

Yes, im not going to hide who I am, even if that were possible. It's the follow up questions or comments that decide whether i remove myself from the conversation or not.

Quote from: KaylaMadison on June 15, 2015, 04:34:59 AM
Yes, im not going to hide who I am, even if that were possible.

That's another point. I don't think it hiding it is all that easy to achieve.

I am clocked all of the time. Why?

Put it this way, I don't underestimate other people's skills of perception. We are *very* finely tuned to pick another's biological sex. It is not just physical at all. It is everything about us. The smallest thing can give it away.

Furthermore, when a person is trying to hide something, others can usually read that through non-verbal communication. It is like a neon light.

So what is the point of beating myself up over being seen as trans?

Early on in my transition I would spend hours on makeup to 'pass' as much as possible (in my own mind).

It was an ordeal. I am so much better off without that tension.

As a knock-on effect - because I am now relaxed and accepting that I will be seen exactly for what I am, and I am not on guard - others are in turn relaxed around me. Again, we get what we give.

Quote from: stephaniec on June 13, 2015, 11:11:46 PM
just hypothetically  if a random stranger or a short term acquaintance just came right out and asked if you transgender would you hesitate to admit to it or not answer or just say no or just say yes. I'm not sure  because I think it would be rare for someone to just come out and ask, but I do know people that wouldn't hesitate asking. I think I'd probably say yes at this point because I'm closing in on 2 years of hormones and I'd figure what's the point of denying.

I recently met a girlfriend from my youth in the city.

She asked me outright if I was gay?

after some thought I was about to say no, not really, i'm...

And then my ex showed up (we played a lot of dressup) and I left.

Phew. Saved.
I do think i'd outright say yes if I were asked.
Honesty is key.
(Hey! I answered her question, I just didn't followup ╚(•⌂•)╝)

It's never happened yet. Sure, but with caveats. It wouldn't be pro bono, but quid pro quo. I'd have to first have answered some rather personal questions about themselves, which would be equally invasive. Something along the lines of, how often do you masturbate, or do you take it..[censored] You get what idea.  :laugh:

Quote from: SarahBoo on June 15, 2015, 05:53:49 AM
That's another point. I don't think it hiding it is all that easy to achieve.

I am clocked all of the time. Why?

Put it this way, I don't underestimate other people's skills of perception. We are *very* finely tuned to pick another's biological sex. It is not just physical at all. It is everything about us. The smallest thing can give it away.

Furthermore, when a person is trying to hide something, others can usually read that through non-verbal communication. It is like a neon light.

So what is the point of beating myself up over being seen as trans?

Early on in my transition I would spend hours on makeup to 'pass' as much as possible (in my own mind).

It was an ordeal. I am so much better off without that tension.

As a knock-on effect - because I am now relaxed and accepting that I will be seen exactly for what I am, and I am not on guard - others are in turn relaxed around me. Again, we get what we give.

I like your attitude on being trans.

No, I don't really feel it's right to ask that, plus I rather be seen as normal until I give it away myself. Since I don't like lying though, I'd likely just ignore the question... and they'd take it as yes... Though I still haven't started transitioning.

I don't think random people will ask you anyway. ;-)

Knowing me, I would reply "OMG, why? are you transgender??" and convince them that they are. But, that's just me.

makes sense

Depends on how they ask and wether it is threatening or not.  I'm still full time male so I seriously doubt I'd be asked the question anyways.   

Quote from: herekitten on June 15, 2015, 12:57:20 PM
Knowing me, I would reply "OMG, why? are you transgender??" and convince them that they are. But, that's just me.

LULZ. I'm taking note.

I'm not out yet, so depending on the situation, I would either refuse to answer or possibly take the opportunity to come out. It would depend who was asking though. A random person in the street is unlikely to ask me but given the amount of trans stuff I have been sharing lately (deliberately to put the idea in people's heads to make it easier when I do come out) I wouldn't put it past a friend. If that was the case, then I would tell them but ask them to do me the courtesy of keeping it to themself until I am ready to tell other people.

I'm pretty open with people about my mental health issues (depression and anxiety) and have taken the opportunity to advocate from time to time. So I would probably do the same with my gender. It's very liberating to not have to worry about being perceived in a certain way anymore, even at the moment.

I think the difference boils down to how often you're read. If you're being read all the time then maybe you would be asked if you're trans. If like me you aren't then you won't. Nobody has asked me if I'm trans. My voice has gotten me the occasional "sir" but nobody has asked about trans status. Also I get ma'am and miss more often than not.

It might be liberating to disclose if you are worrying about being read but I'm past that now.

I would not, especially from a random person. I don't enjoy being outed and just want to go about my business. There are times when I thought I clocked a transwoman and wanted to ask questions and get advice but decided against it. In public, I'm not the MTF poster child and just want to be treated as a woman. Friends and family that have questions and have to interact with me? Absolutely I will answer what I'm comfortable with. Other people? Get out of my face.

Hell yes I would tell them. I have spent enough of my life hiding from me and the rest of the world, I regret not allowing myself  to live and be who I truly am, and if they can not handle it then that is their issue, to deal with.

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I would completely ignore them. They don't need to be up in my ->-bleeped-<-. I would just walk away. I don't feel bad about being rude to people who ask deeply personal and invasive questions when I don't even know them.

I have been asked if I was a guy or a girl multiple times (in boy mode lol) and I just walked away without even answering their question.

Quote from: Destiny Marie on June 16, 2015, 01:14:10 PM
Hell yes I would tell them. I have spent enough of my life hiding from me and the rest of the world, I regret not allowing myself  to live and be who I truly am, and if they can not handle it then that is their issue, to deal with.

I feel exactly the same. I transitioned to liberate myself - I am done with secrets.

I am pre everything do it would be a rarity, however a co worker jokingly asked a few people including me if we were. I ended up just storming off and calling him names under my breath.

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Quote from: Zoetrope on June 16, 2015, 03:25:55 PM
I feel exactly the same. I transitioned to liberate myself - I am done with secrets.

So simple and so true Zoe!  Transition has been the ultimate in freedom and personal liberation for me.  Saying "YES!" clearly has felt the best.  I aspire to no concern about passing and have been asked that sort of question in different ways.  As many others have detailed, our response may depend on the situation.  There have been just a few times in some tight situations where education was not what the guys were looking for!  Discretion and valor are the stuff of poets but I have also felt the need to just say "none of your business."

It is a incredibly personal thing to be asking someone, but also it is incredibly liberating to embrace  the identity within the bounds of safety. It makes you pause to wonder why someone would just come out and ask. I know I've been going into three different restaurants since beginning transition and I'm full time and have gone from presenting male to female within the eyes of the people that I know who work in these restaurants. No one seems to want to venture into the area of asking, even though I wouldn't mind and would talk about it if asked. I was speculating that someone you know like I do from going into where they work and have friendly chats would be a little more at ease to ask you when one day your  male  then you start appearing in dresses. It's kind of weird in a sense when your conversations are the same , but your talking to them wearing a dress when they known you for so long as a male. I just find it curious.

in the last few weeks I sorta accidentally came out to a cashier she asked if the cloths where for someones birthday, i said yes, she then complimented how well I had matched things, guys are usualy awful at that and so I told her it was my birthday. I also came out to the woman at the RMV because I was complaining about having to pay 50$ to renew my license and will have to come back in like a year for a name change and they saw my pink nails, long hair and asked if it was a Bruce Jenner thing and I admited it was something like that. I convinced myself I will never pass so it makes it easier to admit to things.

Serena

What?!? Trans? Me?!   

I like that, " so it's a Caitlyn Jenner thing "

It's getting easier then before  :-*
Amazing how some people respond :-)

I'm pretty open about it. I'd just tell people in most cases. The only exception is if someone was being rude about it. Then I'd just tell them to go away in a colorful manner of phrasing.



Okay, I'd like to add to this after today's experience.

While I am absolutely fine with people politely asking if I am trans, it seems to really bother me if someone asks me if I am a guy or a girl. Being open about being trans is fine because it is important to me for people to be aware of the existence of trans people. If you confront me about what gender I am while I am absolutely presenting as female, then that is just plain insulting.

I just kept walking past that guy after he asked that today. I don't have time to answer those questions.